Chapter Text
Washington, DC
Steve p.o.v.
1.
When I come out of the bathroom, Danny has stripped down to his shorts and is sitting on the edge of the bed facing the windows.
His back muscles ripple as he turns to face me, and I admire the strong lines of him. I can't bring myself to make eye contact. I’m struggling to even stay upright. The grief and pain and hurt that has followed me the last 10 years weighs me down with every step. I want to lash out, to tell him to go. To tell him to leave me the fuck alone so I can curl up and die in peace. How can I, though? He's here. He's always here.
This is the man that rescued me from North Korea. The man that gave me half his liver without a second thought. The man who has been the one constant in my life the last ten years.
I'm just so fucking tired. I'm bruised and beaten as usual, which is one thing, but the marks on my soul are so deep I'm struggling to breathe.
In my shorts and tee, which hide most of the bandages, I curl up on my side facing away from his piercing blue eyes. Danno has always seen me in a way that no one else has. He may joke and bitch and whine, but I feel like most of it is to distract me, especially when he knows I'm close to spiraling.
I realize I'm starting to feel light headed, my vision is blurred by my tears and I'm having trouble controlling my breathing. It occurs to me that I'm having a panic attack only when I realize Danny is trying to get my attention. His voice sounds like I'm underwater, but I can still hear the edge of worry.
He hauls me over onto my back and presses his hand to my chest. “Babe, I need you to breathe with me.” He pulls one of my limp hands up and presses it to his sternum, so I can feel his breath moving in and out.
He presses himself against my side and I'm enveloped by the smell of him. His aftershave and a 10 hour flight worth of sweat. If anything could encourage me to breathe, it's that. I'm starting to gain my equilibrium a little, my body matching his breaths without my input.
I turn a little and press my face into his neck, and it's only then I realize I'm crying. Tears silently sliding into my beard. I don't understand the words he's saying, but my very soul seems to absorb the comfort he offers with the nonsense murmured against the top of my head.
Danno is my last bit of hope. The only one who's never left. With a sob I press my entire body into his warmth, my fingers digging into his shoulder blades.
He moves so that his body weight is pressing me down into the bed. It should be suffocating but it feels like I can finally breathe. My voice cracks on his name, and I inhale deep, my nose pressed into his neck.
“I got you. Steve. I got you. I'm here.”
I realize I'm clinging to him like my life depends on it. I feel a prickle of shame eating at me and turn my head further to hide.
Danny knows me way too well, though. His grip finds my jaw and he pulls my face up so I'm forced to meet his gaze. I'm about to take the coward's way out and drop my eyes, when he cups my whole face.
“Babe. You don't need to hide. I'm here. Steve.” His eyes are so full of love and understanding that I can't help but hiccup out another sob. His hands move into my hair, petting me with soothing strokes.
I don't know how long we lay like that but eventually I must drift off. The sound of his voice and the smell of him like a balm to my beaten mind and body. An hour ago I couldn't see myself finding a way forward, but as I drift off, the warmth and security of Danny Williams seeping into my bones, I have a little more hope.