Chapter Text
There's no time better than the present, or so they say.
With the brightness of the merciful moon, the radiance of neon lights emitting from the plentiful skyscrapers, and the various conversations shared by the people around you, you’re convinced that Linkon nightlife is something you would never take for granted.
Night is never dark in such a lively city, but somehow your spirits are.
And you know exactly why.
You quicken your pace, determined to get to your apartment before you get the chance to encounter him. You cannot take the way your heart beats around your neighbor, nor can you withstand the depths of his gazes. His blue eyes outshine the brightness of Linkon’s neon lights, and it's impossible not to drown in them.
Which is why you need to get away.
Your apartment building is in view, and as you grumble insults towards the heavy bags of groceries holding you back, a presence looms behind. Though you can't see him, your heart seems to recognize him. There’s only one man who could make your heart pound against your ribs like this.
"Let me help," Xavier offers, holding a hand out to assist.
The groceries you were complaining about earlier suddenly become lightweight, and you simply shake your head at the friendly offer. "I’ll be fine, Xavier. Thank you."
But the more you walk, the heavier the groceries become, and you find yourself breathless even before you even get to step on the stairs. To add insult to injury, the strap of your purse falls off of your shoulder and onto the bags you'd placed on the ground. "Ugh!"
Why do the cosmos hate you so much?
Xavier rushes to your aid and lifts the grocery bags in one smooth motion. The angel menace doesn't even let you hold your purse, quickly placing it on his shoulders before you could take it. You watch as he walks up the stairs without so much as uttering a sound, a word, and you have no choice but to follow him.
Okay, maybe the cosmos like you a little bit, but why does it have to be Xavier helping you out?
"You should call me if you need help with anything," he says, as if he read your mind, "I'm always happy to help."
If you didn't know him better, you wouldn't have noticed the grumble in his tone or the tightened grip on your grocery bags. You choose not to say anything about it, instead focusing on every step you’re taking like that's worth taking note of.
Finally, after an agonizing silence and pretending that taking steps were a form of entertainment, you reach your apartment door. Linkon's nightlife stares back at you with a smile, and the stars in the sky twinkle like they're awaiting something.
A moment, perhaps? Or-
Xavier clears his throat. "Can you open your door, please?"
Your gaze shifts from the sky to your star, whose shy smile attempts to hide the struggle he's facing with the weight of your grocery bags. You squeal out a quick "Sorry!" before placing your thumb on the door's fingerprint reader. The door opens with its own little giggle, and you let Xavier enter first so he can drop the grocery bags onto your kitchen counter and leave.
But to your pleasure dismay, he's rushing to organize the items you bought. You’re only given a second to close your front door before freezing in place, staring at this man as he carries an arduous task you hadn’t asked him to.
"Xavier! You don't have to do that!"
"Why not?" he says from the kitchen.
"Because..."
In any other world, with any other man and any other heart, you would not complain about a cute guy organizing your items. It's one less task to complete, one less thing to worry about.
But in this world, with a man as cute as Xavier, compiled with your exhausted broken heart, you cannot afford to risk breaking the walls you've spent so many years building. Walls, you note, that are so fragile that seeing him do something as mundane as organizing groceries punctures a hole big enough for his shine to go through.
Which is why you need to get away.
"Because?" Xavier suddenly walks up to you with a bag of cherries you almost put back on the shelf when you grocery shopped, and like the angel menace he is, he hasn’t opened the bag even though you know he's tempted to. "A-am I bothering you?"
Yes. "No! Nothing like that!"
"Are you sure?" he asks, and you find it ridiculous that him worrying about making you uncomfortable is enough to puncture another hole through the barriers of your heart.
You sigh with a small smile, which is more than what anybody has been able to elicit from you in years. "Yes. I'm sure. Thank you for helping me out."
Xavier looks at you like you not only hung the stars, but you also made them scintillate. Like your smile and any part of yourself you let him see shines brighter than any star he has ever seen. The look makes your spirits beam, and like the nightlife in the city you’ve called home, you brighten up even more. The moment ends where your insecurities begin, however, and the smile you slipped out is flattened once more.
Of course, he notices. "Are you all right?"
Your answer comes in the form of a nod and eyes barely hiding your tears of frustration. You walk past him and into the kitchen to avoid facing the pain your denial continuously stabs you with, and also to avoid the expression on Xavier's pretty face. He doesn’t deserve your confusion, your uncertainty.
Yet, he seems like he wants to bear it all.
He walks up to you, keeping up with the pace of your unwanted thoughts, and combats it with a hug from behind. He holds you like you’re sacred, like one wrong move and you’ll break—which isn’t far from the truth—and you can’t recall the last time you’ve been held like this. You can’t recall the last time you felt like you were worth holding.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he whispers on your shoulder, the longing in his tone permeating through the softness of his voice. “I don’t understand. Have I done something wrong?”
You want to tell him that he’s done everything right, but how do you tell him that that is what scares you from wanting him as much as you do? How do you tell him that he breaks every shield you’ve ever used against the persistent thoughts you have of him?
Silence blooms between your unsaid words and his patience, but the angel hugging you embraces every way you express yourself. Your silence, your frowns, your rare smiles—they are all you, and he adores every part of you.
“You did nothing wrong, Xavier.” Your soft whisper hardly breaks the silence, but you feel your broken heart patch up when his small smile appears in your periphery. “I’m just, um…”
There goes your courage, falling back into the same silence you wanted to escape from.
Before you can fall back to the trap of your own unwanted thoughts, Xavier’s grip on your waist tightens to keep you steady. To keep you from slipping into the cliff leading to your loneliness. To keep you with him.
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, okay?” he assures, placing a gentle kiss on the pulse point of your neck. It beats faster right after. “I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”
And with the way he holds you throughout the rest of the night, the way he makes you smile again as you organize your groceries together, the way he lets you eat most of the cherries in the large bag you bought… you feel as though the weight of your insecurities is nothing compared to the solace you feel with him.
The twinkling of the stars is the heartbeat of the cosmos, but the star that stubbornly breaks down your walls with his unconditional love is what makes your heart start beating again.