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Matthew was an incubus, Taerae was sure of it. A really shit incubus, but an incubus nonetheless.
He had a knack for getting under your skin and hollowing you out all the while seeming playful.
They met in senior year of high school and became fast friends. Taerae was a shy, awkward kid who spent most of his time playing video games or collecting matchbox cars.
Taerae was also gay. Painfully so. The kind you can’t hide for too long. Taerae would rather hide under a literal rock than face himself, so he spent a lot of time behind a screen where nobody could hear him talk or see him move. Outside the safety of his bedroom, he mostly stayed quiet. He hoped that maybe he could be so still and so quiet, he would become invisible, only a fly on the wall.
Matthew was the opposite. He was loud and social, not afraid of seeming awkward or too much. He just existed.
Matthew worked out to get bigger and occupy even more space, and Taerae was baffled that Matthew didn’t seem bothered by people staring. Taerae couldn’t help to join the crowd of people staring, but he didn’t expect Matthew to stare back.
The first time they met, Matthew walked over with a bright smile and a laugh that filled his chest cavity but never quite overflowed. He made Taerae make small talk about school and the weather until he had invited himself over to Taerae’s house…well, Taerae did technically extend the invitation, but again, Matthew was an incubus. Bewitching and seductive by nature.
As it turned out, Matthew and Taerae had things in common. He was also nerdy, albeit about different things, Pokemon and anime in particular, but they got each other.
They could talk for hours about pretty much anything, or they could sit in silence and play whatever game Taerae was fixated on that month.
Taerae was always a little amazed Matthew wanted to even hang out with him since he had a seemingly endless list of friends, most of whom were more popular or at the very least more socially tactful.
With all of their similarities and differences, there was only one irreconcilable one.
Matthew was straight.
Well, that was not exactly the problem. Matthew was straight and a flirt.
It started out with pet names. Baby, honey, darling, angel. He said them with confidence, almost like he was daring Taerae to pull away, which he did at first, but eventually it just became what Matthew called him.
Then it was the touching. On his arm, on his back, hugging him, cuddling, and worst of all sometimes gripping his inner thigh.
It was driving Taerae crazy, the constant back and forth trying to push the boundaries to see who would pull away first.
It seemed fun for Matthew, but for Taerae it was torture. Everything he had tried to repress was being undone every time the popular boy sat next to him on his bed and ran his hands up Taerae’s leg while he tried to keep focus on his game and tried to redirect his blood flow back up into his brain, or at least his torso.
Senior year passed quickly and in a blur as they both tried to apply to college and tie up loose ends at home. They were two peas in a pod, going everywhere together that summer and making big plans for the next year.
Matthew was off on a dance scholarship, and Taerae got into the same school for English with a minor in music production and songwriting. The stars were aligning so perfectly it made Taerae almost forget how painful it was to live in Matthew limbo; one of his hands in Taerae’s hair, the other texting the latest girls on his roster.
Two weeks before they were set to embark on their next chapter, hand in hand. Taerae had enough. He didn’t remember much from that night other than a lot of screaming about loyalty and betrayal on his part while Matthew stood there looking a bit shell shocked. Taerae also said the fateful words he had been trying to avoid saying for as long as he could remember: I’m gay. He remembered storming off and spending the rest of the night sobbing into his pillow and blocking Matthew on everything he could.
He could also remember with crystal clear clarity: Matthew saying it was just a game.
He said it was normal, that friends were affectionate or flirted sometimes as a joke. He said Taerae should get over himself.
So Taerae left and tried to get over himself.
Except now it’s senior year of college, and Taerae is in no way “over himself”. He had spent the whole time thinking of Matthew. He missed Matthew’s kindness and how he brightened up any room, how Matthew knew so much about what he loved and how he was so open and unashamed. He also missed Matthew’s hands placed firmly on his shoulders, or stroking his hair; he missed how hot he looked after working out, how his muscles pumped up and how he would envelop Taerae in his arms. Almost certainly, he had spent the most time thinking about Matthew’s body at night with his hand on his dick. Matthew is an incubus after all. Sent to steal his soul or whatever, which is why Taerae must still be stuck on him.
He had tried to branch out. He went on a couple of dates and had his fair share of hookups, but none of them touched him like Matthew. None of them had his eyes or his laugh or his uncanny ability to know where your weak spots were and poke at them.
Seeing as he had not heard anything about Matthew or even seen him around campus, Taerae assumed Matthew was over him.
Probably still the social butterfly he had always been, it’s hard work being an energy vampire, Taerae mused. Which is why it’s all the more surprising when Taerae got an email with a brief message from Matthew.
"Hey, missed you, man. You have me blocked everywhere else. I actually used email for you. You should feel honored. I’m having some people over next week. You should come. No hard feelings, right?"
No hard feelings?! The feelings were hard, alright. Hard to process, hard to deal with, hard like Matthew’s biceps and pecs and Taerae’s di-. He shook his head, trying to shake his train of thought out through his ears.
Taerae wasn’t sure he wanted to go. He didn’t want to be hurt again, and some small part of him that lived in the back of his brain was convinced this was a prank made to humiliate him. But on the other hand, they were going to graduate soon, and then they would truly be dispersed on the wind to their next destination. Matthew may never reach out again. He would settle down with a pleasant, normal woman and forget Taerae even existed.
So, despite all the worry, on the night of the party he got dressed and walked out the door ready to make polite conversation with the person he jerked off to most nights.
Taerae should have known what kind of “get together” Matthew would throw.
He had hoped for something less loud and bright and busy, but the reality was very different from his hopes. “Some people” had to be at least 50. Every inch of his apartment was crawling with people talking,drinking, playing video games on one of the TVs, watching the music videos playing on the other TV, and being so very loud.
It wasn’t actually terrible, and if it had been a different person inviting him, he might even be enjoying himself, but he was anxious. Taerae spent a while scanning the room for what may or may not be his estranged soulmate but only saw faces he didn’t recognize. Feeling defeated, he headed over to the small apartment kitchen for a drink; maybe having something, even just to hold, would blunt the panic brewing in his chest.
Taerae took a deep breath, trying to settle himself while also surveying his drink options. He eventually settled on vodka mixed with some of a 2L bottle of Sprite sitting on the counter. It was by all definitions completely and totally average. He kept himself glued to the kitchen while taking small sips of his drink.
Still glancing around trying to see where Matthew could be. Instead, he still only saw a crowd of people he didn’t know and would never come within 100 feet of otherwise. A world he was locked out of. Frat boys and sorority girls mostly, he knew a couple of them were on assorted sports teams, and they all lived nice normal lives with significant others they could bring home to their parents.
Taerae wanted to leave, to run as fast as he could till he reached his apartment, no not even that would do. He needed to run until he reached the other side of the world.
He looked around again, this time for some means of escape. His eyes landed on a door. Not the door to the hallway, but a door nonetheless.
Taerae moved quickly before he could even process. Within 10 seconds his hand was on the door handle and not a second later he hit fresh air.
The balcony of Matthew’s very expensive apartment. Of course he had a balcony, Taerae thought. Mr perfect with his perfect friends, perfect apartment, perfect face, and stupid perfect life.
Taerae shut the door behind him and slid down the wall. Sitting on the cool concrete, he willed himself not to have a panic attack. Drawing in his breath slow and steady he looked up at the sky. It was a clear night, and he could see some stars.
Taerae let the cool breeze of the late spring night comfort him and bring him to his senses. Maybe he wouldn’t see Matthew after all, but that might as well be fate. The incubus couldn’t kill him if he stayed away after all. Taerae could make peace with that. Who needs closure anyway? Before he could finish his thought, there was a knock on the glass door behind him.
“It’s been awhile” a voice tinged with laughter and alcohol said.
Never mind, Taerae needed closure. Who was he kidding?
“Can I sit with you I won’t bite” Matthew said, clearly confused at Taerae’s lack of reaction. Taerae was reacting, of course, but all on the inside. It was so strong he feared that if he spoke all that would come out would be angry, desperate tears. Taerae managed to eek out, “yeah you can sit out here,” before returning to his semi-frozen state.
Matthew slid the door shut and sat next to Taerae on the ground. “You know I really regret our last conversation,” Matthew said towards the sky so casually you could be fooled into thinking he never said anything at all. “Me too,” Taerae muttered. “I’m sorry”. “No sweat man you were going through stuff you know? I thought maybe you still hated me. I meant what I said you know, it wasn’t like I was trying to lead you on”.
Taerae shook his head before putting it in his hands. “That’s not what it was. I didn’t think you were leading me on” Taerae took a sharp inhale and a shaky breath out “I thought you were making fun of me. I thought you knew”.
“Dude” Matthew exclaimed, tipping his head backwards to rest against the wall “I had no idea. I thought you were just kind of an introvert. Like you freezing up was due to you being super undersocialized, not gay man” he chuckled a bit. “But like it’s fine that you are, gay, I mean” Matthew said.
“Yeah..thanks” Taerae replied. He felt so tired like all the anxiety of the night had been drained out and flushed the rest of his feelings out with it.
Matthew reached behind Taerae, his hand grazing the spot between Taerae’s shoulder-blades before he grabbed a piece of fabric, sliding it over the see- through balcony door. “We added a curtain for privacy,” Matthew explained, “a ton of people make out here”. “Oh” was all Taerae could say before lapsing into silence.
And as the cool breeze blew over them, Matthew leaned in and kissed him.
A proper kiss just like he had been wanting since high school. It started slow. Matthew was nervous Taerae could tell. Matthew never got nervous, or at least he tried to hide it, but even after all these years, Taerae could read Matthew like a map. Every movement, every sound connected to his brain as if it were his own thoughts.
Taerae had to be brave.
He moved closer and kissed deeper, letting Matthew know it was ok. He wasn’t fragile; he could kiss a friend and not fall apart. Matthew believed him or at least was willing to pretend for the moment; slipping his tongue between Taerae’s lips. His hand traced up the back on Taerae’s neck into his hair and pulled him closer.
Quickly their bodies became entangled. Taerae’s hands went everywhere. Up Matthew’s muscled arms, over his chest, down his toned stomach, over his hips, up his back and into his shaggy hair. Taerae wanted to soak up every bit of him. He had been starving, and he knew he had to gorge himself now before it all slipped away.
“Fuck,” Matthew whispered into Taerae’s mouth, “you’re so good for me” Taerae could barely take it, whimpering into Matthew’s mouth.
Hands and hips and mouths moving in sync, flowing against each other with such ease you would think it had happened a million times. “If only,” Taerae thought. “If only this could be forever”. Just this moment on a loop for the rest of his life.
But time could only pass, and before he knew it, Matthew had pulled away. Catching his breath, he stared at his old friend. He looked dreamy, right out of a movie. His pupils dilated, his hair a little messy from where Taerae had stroked and grabbed at it. Even his lips, puffy from kissing, were so pretty.
Matthew looked at him with a little hunger and a little trepidation. “You know this is a one time thing, right?” he said, clearly trying to be kind, which only made the sharp feeling in Taerae’s throat hurt all the more.
“Yeah, I know,” he responded quietly, hoping that if he said it at a low enough volume, Matthew wouldn’t hear the tears threatening to spill over.
Matthew kissed his forehead and took his hand, leading it down to his pants. “You wanna help me out?” he said with a smirk.
Taerae swallowed. His pride and dignity slipped down his throat with his spit.
He should walk away, be the reasonable person, the responsible person who wouldn’t get his ex friend off in a semi-public place.
On the other hand, if he didn’t, he would spend the rest of eternity regretting it. Either way was pain and suffering. He might as well cum.
“Slip your pants down,” Taerae quietly commanded. Matthew quickly followed his directions, and now Taerae was staring at the cock of the man he had been dreaming about for years. He was fucked, it was over in a way nothing had been over before, and yet Taerae only smiled softly hoping he had some life in his eyes still so that Matthew wouldn’t feel too badly taking advantage of his vulnerability and desperation.
Taerae moved between Matthew's splayed legs “scoot back against the wall so I have more room” he said flatly.
Matthew moved and Taerae moved with him like he had some magnetic pull he couldn’t get away from. Taerae was the donkey and Matthew was both the carrot and the stick.
One deep breath in and Taerae wrapped his hand around Matthews cock lazily thumbing the slit. One deep breath out and Taerae bent down to taste him. “Matthews dick tastes like dick” he told himself, “he is not special or unique. You have done this before get it together”.
But Matthew tasted like Matthew and suddenly 5 years of dreaming was turning to reality before his eyes. Taerae’s tongue swirled around Matthew licking up and down before taking him fully into his mouth.
Matthew moaned. It was quiet but enough for Taerae to start spinning out. He wanted to be good, needed to be good. Every second of this was a second he needed to hold onto, to seer into his memory. Mathews hands toyed with Taerae’s hair as he bobbed up and down taking all of Matthew in his mouth “you feel so good” Matthew half whispered half moaned “you’re so good to me baby absolutely perfect for me” Taerae shuddered and continued to eagerly swallow Matthew’s cock down his throat.
He almost believed that if he could be the best Matthew ever had they could do this over and over till eternity.
Matthew grabbed Taeraes hair and started guiding him up and down slowly at first then speeding up “you look so pretty like this wrapped around my cock” Matthew breathed out “you’re fucking perfect like this letting me use your tight throat,so beautiful like this” Taerae moaned at the praise if only to keep from crying.
He felt so overwhelmed and confused. This guy who he let play gay chicken with him for years was stuffing his cock down his throat and calling him pretty while also promising it would never happen again.
It was painful in a way Taerae didn’t know how to describe, but it just made his mission clearer; he was going to be the best sex of Mattthew’s life.
He let himself gag and drool and tear up and take whatever Matthew wanted because Taerae wanted whatever Matthew wanted just as long as he could touch him a little longer.
Matthew loosened his grip on Taerae’s hair and let him come up for air. His pupils were blown and his eyes were glassy. Split dripped from his mouth and down his chin.
He knew he looked like a wreck, a slut who would put out for any frat bro who would take him.
The shame started to set in at the bottom of his stomach. Slowly crawling its way up his throat. He felt like he might vomit. Instead he asked “can we get off together?” Matthew nodded and smiled.
He reached up to wipe away some of the split, precum, and tears that had mixed on Taerae’s cheek “You did so well how about you make us both feel good huh? You wanna make us cum?”
Taerae knew the implication, Matthew would not touch him.
He knew better than to hope and yet a little bit of him still did. Taerae moved to straddle Matthew’s lap so both of their cocks pressed together. Taerae settled and then shivered with the contact.
He stroked their cocks together slowly, mostly trying to transfer the wetness from Matthew’s cock to his before gaining speed. He could already feel himself losing control of his hips trying to buck into his hand. He wanted more, he wanted closer, he wanted Matthew.
Taerae crashed his lips into Matthew’s in a frantic attempt to get closer; he needed something, anything at all to save him from the agony of being so close yet so far. Matthew relaxed into him kissing back with fervor and holding him close.
Taerae noticed he was careful not to drift lower than his mid back because of course he noticed.
The closer they got the bigger the distance felt. What once seemed like small cracks were now canyons and Taerae was trying to unsuccessfully jack off out of the canyon he found himself in.
Matthew was really close now too Taerae could feel it. His hand moved fast and steady; the friction of their cocks pressing together driving him to the edge. “Are you gonna make me come my angel?” Matthew questioned. Taerae could only whimper in response as his hand worked fast over them. They were slick with their precum and Taerae’s spit mixing together and their soft moans were the only words spoken.
Even Matthew had lost his charming attitude reduced to soft moans and pants. “Cum for me Matthew” Taerae muttered into Matthew’s ear. He felt Matthew tense up with a shuddering gasp and just like that he came undone spilling over Taerae’s hand. That was all the encouragement Taerae needed to be pushed over the edge. Their cocks were covered in cum mixing together as Taerae worked them both through their orgasm.
Once they had ridden it out; reduced to only taking slow,and easy breaths Matthew pulled away.
“Thank you angel for helping me out. Mind cleaning me up? It’s not like we have a ton of other options” he said, sounding just slightly less confident than before.
Taerae nodded before getting up from Matthew’s lap and going back to work. He could taste the future he would never get. Bittersweet and wholly them. Something he would never get again, so he tried to savor it for as long as he could before there were no more excuses and all he was doing was lapping at the softening dick of what might as well be a stranger.
Tarae pulled away and sadly smiled up at his ex best friend, maybe worst enemy, soul stealing dream boy.
Matthew bent down kissing Taerae’s forehead before pulling his pants up, sliding the curtain open just enough to turn the door handle, and disappearing back into the bustling apartment.
It was over now. Taerae didn’t cry, he thought he might, and he honestly thought he should, but instead he felt not much at all.
It was just him alone again.
Him and all the stars in the sky.