Work Text:
Hey Pitch,
Wassup?
Apparently someone forgot to pack their phone charger so you’re stuck with snail mail.
Fun or what?
Looking forward to this ancient banter that we will most likely end up exchanging.
It’s so boring here, nothing to do and the nurses won’t stop watching every move. It’s so ridiculous it’s almost funny, except for the fact that it feels like I’m in prison for a crime I didn’t commit.
Why am I here again?
Anyway, write back, you hear me? You do know how to write, don’t you?
This feels like I’m at summer camp, almost. Then what can I say whether it is or not, never went, just heard tales.
Mess around with Roo’s stuff for me.
Jack
P.S. Here’s a hint, I think that those hedges of his are looking a little tall.
…
Morning (?) Pitch,
I want to apologise in advance for the use of pencil for this letter. When one of the nurses realised I had a pen they flipped like you wouldn’t believe. Like really, it’s just a pen, what’s the worst I could do with it? Use it to hide away food? Shove it down my throat despite the fact that I have fingers that are perfectly capable of doing that anyway? Shit, hope they don’t realise I have fingers, I need them to do stuff.
Can I say that the picture you sent is beautiful, you have a gifted green thumb. Props for getting a picture of his face when he saw it to. Made my day.
Dammit, apparently I’m late for a session, so this is it for now.
How’s your latest book going anyway? Better not even think about killing Jenny off. I know how you work, you sneaky bastard.
Jack
P.S. More plans for mayhem next time.
…
Pitch Black,
I hate it here.
Get me out.
Why did you bring me here?
There is nothing wrong with me.
I hate this.
I hate you.
Jack
…
Pitch,
Sorry.
I’m so, so sorry.
I wasn’t thinking.
Just please, write back.
I hate it, but here is where I need to be right now.
I’m sorry.
Jack
…
Pitch,
I’ve gained a total of two kilos.
I hate it.
It’s all coming back.
I don’t want to be repulsive.
I want to leave, but the Doc says I still have a long way to go.
I don’t have a long way to go. I’m perfectly fine and healthy. It’s just a scam to get money, keeping perfectly healthy people locked up here and bleeding the funding parties dry.
Why am I here if there isn’t anything wrong with me?
Get me out of here or something. I can’t take it.
I think I just need something familiar because everything here isn’t. I can’t even recognise myself, the numbers aren’t right.
I hate the looks some of the nurses give me when I tell them I’m fine and I don’t need to be here. Why would they pity me? I’m young, and healthy, and in the prime of my life.
So how are things on your end?
Jack.
…
You,
Yeah, you.
I had some visitors, you wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that.
Hiccup brought the gang around, forgot how much I missed the guys.
Snotlout and the twins aren’t allowed back, apparently at some point during their visit a few fights and table flipping happened. Also, were you aware of the fact that wrestling in the middle of the halls is considered disturbing the peace? Who would have thought?
Fishlegs left some books though, it’s like he knew I was bored out of my mind.
Hiccup promised to visit, without the rest. I really missed just the two of us hanging out but the added company was nice. Livened things up.
Astrid really isn’t so bad.
I’m going to get back at you, one way or another.
Jack
P.S. Next time send someone with a blanket. These sheets are paper thin and itchy as.
P.P.S If Sharktopus doesn’t end up gracing the screen this coming Friday night, I will be severely disappointed.
…
Pitch,
I hate IVs.
Hate them.
Apparently I wasn’t keeping hydrated, so now I’m hooked up.
They don’t understand.
They won’t let me go back to my room until I’ve eaten enough to satisfy them, but if I do that, I’ll get fat.
I need to keep the weight off somehow.
My arm’s strapped to a splint as well, because apparently I’m not allowed to fidget with the drip in. It’s hard to keep still and not mess with it when it’s so uncomfortable. So not only does it itch like crazy, I’m getting pins and needles, which are the worse.
You’re lucky that they chucked it in my left arm or this letter would be impossible to read.
Jack.
P.S. I’ll let you off for the Sharktopus indiscretion, solely for the fact that you managed to get them to sit through the miracle that is Tommy Wiseau. I feel ashamed that I hadn’t thought to showcase that talent sooner.
…
Pitch,
Can you tell Tooth happy birthday for me? Also, could you pass on the enclosed letter with her name on it?
I miss all you lots, just want to go back.
Is this what it feels like to be homesick?
Wow, definitely summer camp from hell.
Good to hear that Jenny has survived the cut, and can’t wait to hear Jamie gush over whatever twist or surprise development you have install. Seriously, the betrayed expression he had when he read your latest one and got to the cliff hanger was priceless. You know when a kid goes up to a clown, asks for a balloon dog, the clown makes the balloon dog, goes to hand it to the kid, but then pops it? Jamie and the kid had the same expression. It’s to die for.
Guess who is on regular meals instead of the awful, balanced ones. Shockingly regular hospital food taste so much better than the vitamin and nutrient stuff.
Jack.
P.S. Saw your interview on the communal TV the other day. That tie was horrendous. I can’t believe you actually wore it.
P.P.S. Could you pass along the other letter to Jamie?
P.P.P.S. I still can’t get over the fact that you wore that tie, like wow, I don’t know where I found it in the first place, but I feel it was probably the seventies.
…
Pitch,
The thoughts of you in that hideous tie keep me warm at night. This is me so subtly telling you to hurry up and send that blanket I know you’re with holding for the sake of being a jerk. I’m on to you. This is me begging, hands and knees, kissing your feet and everything. If you don’t send the blanket, could you please, please send over a bleaching and toner kit? My roots are showing. No one can know I’m a natural brunette. No one.
So I’m guessing that Tooth’s birthday celebration went well if those pics were anything to go by. Thank you for setting alarms all over the house for the early hours of the morning, too. It’s their own fault for drinking too much. Really, they should’ve learnt by now.
Good to hear that Jenny is immune to your tendency to kill off my favourite characters. The draft looks great, your editor should be happy, with you having finished it so soon. Hope to be out of here before the launch, therapist told me I should set goals so there, there’s a goal. Got me a deadline now.
Hiccup came by again. It was fun. Just goofed around. It was almost like I wasn’t institutionalised. Is that the right term? I’m going to use it anyway, because I can, so suck it.
Jack
P.S. How’s Jamie?
…
Pitch,
I hate that they keep on fattening me up. I feel like livestock, a pig for the slaughter.
Hate, hate, HATE!
But alas, it’s what has to happen.
I can’t believe they won’t let bleach and stuff in. It’s not like I’m going to guzzle it down or anything. I’m in for starving myself, not attempting to off myself. Apparently both are one and the same.
I don’t think the nurses like me as much anymore, which is saying something because they always treated me like I was blasting devil music in their Christian house-wife ears. Too bad for their liking, but then who doesn’t love a bad boy?
Miss you guys heaps. What I wouldn’t give for some of North’s baking right now. Hospital food sucks.
Can’t wait to perform antics in person.
Jack.
P.S. Speaking of antics, progressively introduce sugar into Tooth’s container of artificial sweetener, I’m curious how long it’ll take her to realize.
…
Pitch,
My jeans don’t fit right.
I went to put them on, because you can only wear sweats for so long before you crave pants, and they don’t fit.
I’ve had the same pair for like four years, and they’ve always fit before.
Oh god, I look ridiculous in them. They’re too tight.
The Doc said this was great news, but I don’t see it.
Even my belt is useless, barely goes around my waist now.
Why are they doing this? I don’t want this. I just want my old clothes that fit and my belt to reach around and close properly.
Even some of my shirts are starting to feel tight.
Hate being so bloated.
I feel repulsive.
Jack.
…
Pitch,
Jamie came.
He says I’m looking so much better.
I really missed him, but I’m happy he didn’t visit until now. I kind of needed my space, I think. Time to get my thoughts and priorities in order.
He’s great though. What did I ever do to deserve someone like him?
I hear that my little fearling had his work cut out taking care of you so you wouldn’t work yourself into an early grave. This is a heads up that you’re getting a whack upside the head as soon as my bags are unpacked.
If you’re wondering about the fearling thing, don’t think I don’t know what your fan-base call themselves. I’ve been on their sites. Who do you think posts about the really weird and somewhat hilarious rumours?
According to Doc I’m doing real well, so touch wood. I can’t take much more of the food here. I swear that it is becoming sentient. As such, the cookies that you sent have been keeping me sustained, thank the old man for me.
Jack.
P.S. Has she figured out yet?
P.P.S. Cheers for keeping the others away. As previously mentioned, I needed time to think, and I don’t want any of you guys to see me like this. I have an image to uphold, after all.
…
Pitch,
See you soon.
Jack.
P.S. Bleach kit better be at the ready when I get back or there will be hell to pay.