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After that, I don't see Dave at all; much less hear from him. But, it’s not like I really tried contacting him either. The next couple of days are more or less passed with my face smushed in a tears-and-guilt-soaked pillow, or sitting silently through most everything, mainly dinner with my dad and class. I just can't bring myself to talk about what happened.
That night, the last time I heard from Dave in a week, my dad and I had just sat there over dinner. I was poking at my food lethargically, he was eating his awkwardly. That night he was more like an open book than ever, not hidden behind his paternal mask of pride. I could've clearly seen the confusion on his face at my silence, heard all the questions willing themselves to spill from his mouth; if I had looked up and paid any attention, that is.
But my thoughts were all wrapped up in a certain Strider. God, I fucked up so bad, he'll probably never talk to me again. How could I have not noticed what I was doing to him? I mentally slap myself, over and over and over, berating relentlessly like that vicious group of bullies you had helped Dave get off his back that one time. Stupid John, stupid stupid stupid. You need to apologize. But I can’t. Dave probably hates me now. Isn't that what he basically said? ‘I’m done.’? He’ll never want to hear from me ever again.
I deserve it though. I was such a dick to him, and I knew that he kind of has a thing for guys, and he takes offense to what I’d basically been shoving down his throat the last couple of, wow, years. I might of have been one of those bullies for all I’ve been saying t-
My dad clears his throat from his seat at the table across from me, and I glance up. He looks worried. Did he hear Dave and I fight? No, wait, he was at the store at the time, he couldn’t have.
”..Son, is everything alright?” He sets his fork down on his plate, and I can just feel that fatherly-son talk coming on. I really don't need this right now.
“Yea, Dad,” I manage to get out. Wow, I sound really depressed and weak, when did that happen “I, I’m fine, just not hungry…”
I climb up off my chair and take my plate to the kitchen. I notice that I’d barely taken a bite. Too bad, too, it was lasagna. Heh, Dave really liked this st-
Shut up, Brain!
“…Okay. Are you going to bed, then?” Dad moves to take his things to the kitchen right behind me; he’d already finished. I offer him a slight nod and leave my food on the counter before quietly absconding straight to my room. I can feel his eyes on me as I leave, but I can’t say anything. I can’t trust my voice. Not today.
In my room, the lights are off, and even though I have no intentions of going to sleep anytime soon, I don’t make a move to turn them on. I just make my way to my bed and flop on there, face squished into my favorite pillow, feet and legs hanging off sideways. Something feels wet on my pillow, what is that? I sit up and look down at my pillow, seeing little gray circles on it’s otherwise white surface. Oh, I’m crying again. Great.
I bring myself up onto the bed and curl around my pillow, reaching for my phone and logging into pesterchum. The only people online were Rose and Karkat. I glanced at turntechGodhead, only to hear a whimper. …Was that me? I can’t really tell anymore. I replace my phone on the nightstand and will myself to rest. My mind isn't clear, I need to sleep and think about this tomorrow..
That night, I laid there for hours just crying silently before my eyes finally slipped closed. I had nightmares.
It wasn't a good night.
Every other night after that was spent in the same relative manner, but each night, the tears let up just a little bit more.
At school, I did all I could to avoid the others. Considering the fact that I had at least one class with all fifteen of them, this was really hard. Every time I entered a class, I would always wave to whoever it was, whether they’d wave back or not. When I didn’t, they got worried. They always approached me before and after class, wanting to know what was wrong. I ignored them, all but running out into the hall and to my next class.
Lunch was no better. I didn't feel like eating, or dealing with Rose’s and Jade’s questioning, they no doubt knew what had happened by now, so I just spent my lunch in the library, sitting in that one dusty corner where it was actually quiet. For a school library, this was sure loud, jeez. At least no one would bother me here.
On the bus I sit in the back, and no one questions me when I take that kid’s spot he always sits in. He didn't even put up a fight for it. Weird. I curl up on it, staring out the window at the blurry world as we pass it by. On a normal day, I would be walking home with Dave and one of the girls right now. I grit my teeth.
Not anymore.
I hear a ping from my phone; oh look, a text from Rose.
TT: We need to talk. Soon.
Great.