Chapter Text
Hope was nervous, to say the least. Her baby boy wasn't a baby anymore, he was starting primary school and was excited. Or at least he was excited until they got to the school and he started to pull on her trousers and sign “home” over and over, shaking his head with tears in his eyes.
She knew Remus was a shy kid, anxious even, and he hadn't done great in reception leading to Hope giving in and just taking him to work with him at least twice a week. Even though all the ladies in the shelter just loved him, they couldn't keep doing this. He needs to go to school. She did everything she could to prepare him, bought him a cool new dinosaur backpack, read him books on starting school, and even took him to multiple of the open days to walk around the school. She worked with the school to find the right interpreter for him, and met her beforehand once with Lyall and multiple times with Remus. She had done everything and that still didn't feel like enough when they were standing outside the building.
She knelt down beside him, “It’s time for school, Rem.” She signed at the same time that she spoke, knowing he understood best with both. They still fingerspelled his name sometimes, even if their sign teacher had given him one– the combination of the letter R and the sign for ‘moon’– because it was good for him to practice recognising and making the letters, because they are still a bit of a struggle with his little hands.
Remus shook his head no, moving his hands like claws by his chest– scared. Hope held out her arms and Remus fell into them for a hug. She hummed into his ear, knowing it always soothed him. She didn't know how much of it he could hear, he wasn't completely deaf but whatever hearing ability he did have was very little, but something about the humming always worked, even as a baby. She eventually lifted him up in her arms to carry him inside, they couldn't stay outside forever, and hopefully once they got inside she could acclimate him better. Ideally Poppy would be there already but they had come early so it was unlikely.
There were already a few kids inside the classroom when they entered, the teacher had sent in an email that the classroom would be open early for the kids to adjust if needed. She put Remus down on his feet once they were a few steps away from the door so in case he tried to run she could grab him. He was a tall child but he wasn't a fast one. She gently pushed him a step back so he could see her.
“School is fun. It will stop being scary soon. You can make friends.” She hoped that last part was true. He hadn't made any friends in reception, it was hard to make friends when you couldn't talk to anyone. He did have an interpreter, but he wasn't great, only interpreted what the teachers said and put in no effort to help Remus interact with the other kids. He wasn't necessarily isolated completely, but it had become clear that he was essentially on his own. Hope knew that Poppy would be better.
Remus looked away from her then, pressing himself into her side and looking around the colourful room. Posters with colours, the alphabet, and animals covered the walls, and Hope could catch the glimpse of nametags along the top of the tables with spots for the kids. In the front of the room was a carpet for toy cars in front of the whiteboard, and buckets of toys along the walls. She had to have faith that Remus would be okay, the worrier part of her brain would take over if not. Remus definitely got his anxiousness from somewhere.
He stays pushed up against her side, so she stays crouched on the ground even though her knees ache a bit. She was young, but she wasn't young enough to stay on the ground like this for much longer. Maybe motherhood had aged her more than she was willing to think about. She was twenty four! She should be able to move like this! But alas, her knees were beginning to cramp, the things she would do for this kid.
Remus pokes her arm to get her attention, ‘home’ he signs again. Hope shakes her head no. ‘Grandma’ he tries, and Hope still shakes her head no, knowing he will ask for people and places until she says yes, but she won't. He has to go to school even if it makes him scared, but it breaks her heart regardless. She doesn't budge even when he signs something similar to ‘flower’, the sign they use to refer to the woman's shelter (Named the ‘bloom healing center.’ both after its founder, and for the metaphor of growth.), the ladies there love Remus just as much as he loves them.
She shakes her head no again, ‘school now’. She signs, knowing if she speaks it will draw attention to them from the few other parents in the room. God, she wished Lyall could be here, it would make this easier, but he got called in for an emergency at the station and they couldn’t risk anything regarding his job, they needed the money.
Remus’ eyes fill with a tear and he tries again, ‘don't leave,’ but doesn't give her a chance to answer before hugging himself further into her side. One struggle of having a deaf child is that she couldn't hug him and talk to him at the same time. Of course there were other struggles, but with those ones she and Lyall had adapted too. This one they couldn't, and it broke her heart. She hummed softly against his head.
The fight in her head was tough, the one hand of knowing he needed a proper education and interaction with kids, and the other wanting to hold him tight and never let him go or ever feel scared.
It was then that the teacher noticed them, having been busy talking with other parents before, and started to head over. She met Hope's eyes with a sympathetic smile, one that said she was used to this and it happened all the time, and that did help calm Hope's nerves.
She crouches down in front of Hope and smoothes out her colourful dress, looking over at Remus, “Who do we have here?” She asks with a smile. Likely her goal was to get Remus to answer, but he isn't looking at her, and instead over at two boys playing with a wooden trainset, so it's unlikely he even knows she spoke.
Hope gently pulls on Remus’ hand to try and get him to look over, “This is Remus.” she answers for him, she's used to it. The teacher opens her mouth in a little ‘O’, hopefully remembering the emails she and Hope exchanged before the year started. Remus looks at the teacher now, giving her a small wave.
Her face breaks out with a smile and she lifts her hands, ‘hello R-E-M-U-S, my name is Ms. E-M-I-L-Y.’
Remus' whole face lights up like the sun, it's rare that strangers can talk to him. He is young enough to not know a lot of things, but he isn't too young to know that he's different, that not everybody talks with their hands, and lives in an eternal almost-silence.
‘You sign?’ He asks her, eyes twinkling with excitement. Hope didn't know about this, Ms. Ross (or Ms. Emily for the kids, preferring to use her first name with the littles.) had never mentioned this in her emails. But it makes her heart warm to think about the good care her son will be in.
Ms. Ross pulls a face, ‘a little. I am…’ she thinks a second, ‘learning.’ She smiles again, ‘at school, we learn together.’
Remus smiles and nods his head, up and down so fast Hope is scared he will rattle his brain. At some point during the conversation Remus had unsealed himself from Hope's side, rocking on his feet with excitement now. She slowly takes a step to the side in hopes he doesn’t notice, and he doesn’t.
Just then a young boy runs up, he’s got deep brown skin and a mess of black hair on his head, with round glasses sitting slightly askew on his nose. He’s got a friend trailing not far behind him, one with smooth blonde hair and round cheeks.
The boy with the glasses waves at them, “Hi! I’m James.” He looks over at their teacher, “Hi Ms. Emily!”
“Hi James,” Ms. Ross smiles, “this is your classmate Remus.” She doesn’t sign as she talks, and Hope watches Remus face shift to confusion again, when he looks to her for help she points at James, and fingerspells his name out for him.
“Hi Remus!” James says, “this is Peter, he is my friend.” He points to the boy beside him.
‘P-E-T-E-R’ she points to Peter, ‘J-A-M-E-S and P-E-T-E-R are friends.’ Remus nods and looks at his hands to spell out each of their names once.
It’s Peter who speaks next, “do you want to play trains with us?” He asks a bit hesitantly, the shyer of the two, but perhaps James’ big energy was helping him be more brave. Hope hoped some of that might rub onto Remus.
Hope answers for Remus, knowing he would want to but… “I’m sure Remus would love to.” She smiles, using her hands to sign so she can fill Remus in.
“What are you doing with your hands?” James asks, quirking his head to the side in a way that's so dramatic it's almost comical.
“I’m talking to Remus.” She signs as she speaks, knowing Remus doesn't like being left out, especially when they are talking about him. It's rude to talk about someone in front of their face without them being able to know it, “Remus is deaf, so he can't hear what we are saying when we talk. So he talks with his hands.”
“Cool!” Peter smiles, “you don't need to hear to play trains.” He shrugs.
James looks over at his friend with his eyebrows pulled tight together and his head tipped to the side, “but trains make noise.”
“They don't have to.” Peter says it's the easiest thing in the world. He looks at Remus instead of Hope, “do you want to play trains with us?”
Hope signs the question back to Remus and he smiles as he nods his head up and down excessively at the two boys in front of him.
“Come on!” James grabs Remus’ hand and pulls him towards their set up on the carpet. Before Hope even gets the chance to panic on whether Remus is okay she watches him turn around and wave at her with a smile on his face before sitting down and picking up a little purple wooden train. She lets out a sigh of relief.
“He will be okay here.” Ms. Emily says to her as they both stand up, “I've incorporated some signs into our curriculum too, the alphabet, colours, a few other things. I want Remus to feel included in my class.” She smiles, "I'll keep learning along with him, and do my best to make him feel accepted.”
“I think he will be okay.” Hope nods and watches as even though James and Peter aren't able to talk to him they include him in their trains as much as they can, and how Remus still tries to communicate with them through the toys and the other boys do their best to understand him. All she wants is for her baby boy to feel normal, or at least as normal as possible.
“I see Remus is already making some friends.” It’s Poppy, who seems to have just arrived, “sorry that I couldn't make it earlier.” She says, greeting Hope and Ms. Emily with a handshake.
“Oh it's alright,” Hope replies, “I think it was good for him to make this first step on his own.”
“I think so too.” Poppy agrees before looking at Ms. Emily, “should we discuss the last couple details.”
“Yes of course.” Ms. Emily gives a quick goodbye and last bit of reassurance to Hope before leading Poppy over to her desk in the corner.
Hope watches Remus play for a bit, building more onto the trainset and switching his purple train to a blue one. He looks like he is having fun and she can hear his little choked laugh when Peter and James crash their trains together over a small bridge. The day is already going better than Hope had expected, Remus has found himself some friends to play with who were accepting and welcoming to him, and he came out of his shell a bit with his teacher. A hand gently resting on her arm grabs her attention, Hope looks to see a shorter and slightly older woman with warm brown skin and a kind face smiling at her.
“Hi, is that your boy over there?” She asks, pointing over at Remus, who is currently pushing his train up a ramp.
Hope smiles, “Yeah, that's my Remus.”
“My boy is James, the one with the crazy hair.” The woman laughs, “My name's Effie, and you?”
“Hope.”
“Its nice to meet you Hope,” Effie looks behind her to wave a woman with long blonde hair over, “This is my friend Laurie, Peter’s mum, now she's done this whole first day of school thing before and says that it is never easy.”
Laurie shakes her head, “No it does not.” She reaches out a hand, “Laurie.”
Hope takes her hand and shakes it, “Hope.”
“Well, Hope, we were going to go out for some coffee and a chat, while we try to forget about our babies growing up.” Laurie says with a wistful glance over at the three boys, and a second glance over a girl with the same blonde hair— though the little girl's hair was curly— who is colouring a picture.
“So if our boys are going to be friends, I say we should be too.” Effie says, “if you would like to join us?”
“Um…” Hope spares another glance to Remus, she wants to say yes, to go out and make friends with some other mums (all of her other friends hadn’t had children yet, she was very young to be a mother to a five year old), but she also didn’t want to just leave Remus all on his own, not yet, maybe just wait till class started…
“I can see you thinking,” Laurie says, “and trust me the longer you stay, the harder it gets, for both of you.” She gives a soft smile, but she’s done this before and it shows.
Hope nods, “okay, okay.” She lets out a breath, “just let me say goodbye.”
“Oh of course,” Effie nods, “James practically told me to go.” She sighs with a smile.
Hope doesn’t want to go over to the carpet, but doesn’t want to call out to him either, but luckily Peter looks over and she gestures for him to get Remus’ attention. Peter gives a curt nod and gives Remus a poke on his knee, and then points over for Remus to look.
Hope gives Remus a wave once he looks up, but luckily he doesn’t try to come over. There is an advantage to being able to talk across the room.
‘You have a good day.’ She signs, ‘Mums going to go now.’
He nods his head.
‘I love you.’ She signs it using all three words, and Remus responds using the short version, just tucking his ring and middle finger in and leaving the rest sticking up. He goes back to playing with a smile on his face.
He is going to be okay.
“Okay,” Hope nods again, “let’s go.”
They exit the room and it takes everything left in Hope to not run back into that room and scoop her baby boy back up into her little moon to keep him safe with her forever. But she doesn’t do that, and lets Laurie pat her on the shoulder.
“Good job, it’s hard.” Laurie says, “this is my fourth time doing this, but the first time?” She lets out a breath of air adjacent to a laugh, “I was a wreck!”
“That’s why I came and not Monty,” Effie shakes her head, “don’t tell him I told you, but he cried a lot this morning.”
“Don’t act like you didn’t.” Laurie teases, gently nudging Effie in the side.
“Okay! okay!” Effie laughs.
“Paul has never done the year one drop off, that’s always been me.” Laurie gets to the sidewalk and points to a coffee shop across the street, The Burrow. She gets a look on her face when she mentions her …husband?… her children’s father, a look that’s almost sad. But she quickly shakes it away, "He's been taking Sara over to secondary since she started there though, and of course my Ruby doesn't want me dropping her off at the door anymore.”
“Sorry,” Hope has to ask, “How many kids do you have?”
Laurie laughs, “Four!” she definitely sees the look on Hope's face, “I know crazy. The goal was three, but we got a bonus baby with these last ones. Sara's my oldest, she's fourteen, and then Ruby whose nine, and then the twins, Peter and Charlotte.”
“I’ve just got my Jamie,” Effie smiles,” took us a long time of trying, over ten years it must have been, we had only just given up, and then we were blessed with our boy and I wouldn't change a thing.”
“Do you just have one?” Laurie asks, opening the door to the coffee shop and letting them go in.
“Yeah, just Remus.” She sighs but can't help but smile. “The plan was to get married once we finished school, the baby happening not long after was not part of the plan, we were far from ready.” She thinks back to when she found out, two weeks late on her period and she just had that gut feeling. She also remembers the anxiety of waiting for the test to finish, and the surprise that when she saw the second line, she didn't feel dread but joy. “I mean… me and Lyall were only nineteen. But we managed, even once we found out Remus would have more difficulties than most kids.” She remembers that too. That feeling was dreadful, not because her boy had a disability, but because she knew the world wasn't kind. She knew that his life would be harder than it should be, and it already had.
“I mean, all kids have difficulties, just some are more obvious than others.” Effie smiles, “here, this is our normal table, the service is just wonderful.”
Laurie sits down and gestures for Hope to sit beside her, “I do have to ask, because I am nosey–”
“Very much so.” Effie interrupts, but Laurie waves a hand in her face.
“Yes, yes. But was that sign language you used with Remus? I saw some of your conversation with Ms. Emily.”
Hope nodded, “Yeah, he's deaf, mostly. He can hear a little bit, but…”
“Well then we will make sure our boys learn to chat with him properly!” Effie smiles, “It will be fun for them too, I'm sure.”
“I–” Hope's heart feels warm, “thank you, Remus needs friends. He's got Poppy to interpret but I know it's not the same.”
“Peter needs friends other than James, needs some boys to hang out with,” Laurie shakes her head, “When he is older he’ll be drowning in that house of girls.”
A teenage girl with bright ginger hair comes to take their orders, her name tag says “Molly,” and Hope learns that this is her family's shop. She is very familiar with Laurie and Effie and their usuals, they must come here a lot.
They drink their coffee, talk about their kids growing up, and tell anecdotes about their lives. Laurie mentions that her and her kids' father are broken up now, they had never got married but the being apart is hard on all of them, Hope and Effie comfort her with well wishes. Effie tells Hope about her and her husband's restaurant. Hope tells them about the woman's shelter, and Lyall's hopeful upcoming promotion with the police force because of this new case. They share old baby photos, Peter and Charlotte– or Lottie as they called her– wearing hand knit baby jumpers, James wearing glasses even as a two year old, Remus when he learned he could move his fingers (He grew a habit of sticking up his middle one for a while). Laurie and Effie were both quite a bit older than Hope, but she couldn't even feel it, they were kind, funny, and welcoming to her.
It's been almost two hours by the time they pay their bill and head out. Laurie only had the morning booked off from her job as a dentist, and Effie also had to go to work to help with hiring a new chef in the kitchen. Hope did also have to get over to the shelter for a bit, help make a couple care packages and try not to cry about her boy starting year one.
“You know,” Effie said, a smirk on her lips that almost looked troublesome, “We should do this again, if your boys are going to be friends, so should we.”
“That is a wonderful idea!” Laurie claps her hands together and pulls out her car keys, “He should have tea this weekend, I think that would be lovely.”
“You know my house is always open.” Effie smiles, “What do you think Hope? Bring the boy all over to mine and have some tea?”
“I think that sounds wonderful.” Hope agrees.