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The first strike of the axe was a slice that sent Tango stumbling forward with a gasp. The second strike drew a pained scream from Tango and panicked gasps from Skizz and Etho. The third strike landed as Tango turned to see who had stormed their lair. The fourth strike landed when Tango realized his attacker was Bdubs.
“No, no, no—” Etho yelled, blocking Bdubs’s axe with his own.
Tango skirted around Etho, stumbling, nearly landing on all fours. He ran toward the stairs, blood dripping from his right arm and the back of his neck. Tango’s armour had saved him from at least two strikes, but the blood rolled down his skin and armour like a steady tap.
“I’m so sorry!” Bdubs yelled.
Tango summoned an ender pearl from his inventory, slammed into the wall by the stairs, and lobbed the pearl up them. Tango fell backwards a few dizzy steps as Bdubs pushed past Etho. Bdubs blocked Tango’s path up the stairs, but Tango popped into existence halfway up the stairs behind him. Tango ran up the stairs, right hand trailing and pushing along the wall as he went, and he clutched his shield in the left.
Tango slid around the corner at the top of the stairs, sloshing through the inflow of water from their secret entrance. He struggled every step, slowing, Bdubs’s footfall nearing. A crisp pain settled in the middle of his chest, stretching with every inhale.
“I have to!” Bdubs yelled.
Tango took a right turn toward the water wall that would take him outside. Bdubs’s axe crashed down on his shoulder, sending Tango sideways into the wall. A harsh, hot pressure cut across Tango’s neck, and his body fell.
[Tango was slain by BDoubleO100]
Tango awoke in the bed hidden behind the walls of their lair, clutching at his neck, gasping for air.
“Tango!” Skizz called, breaking through the deep slate wall to get to him. “Tango?”
“I am going to slay his face off!” Tango yelled, stumbling past Skizz. “Oh my G—where is he?”
Skizz swiped for Tango, trying to catch him as he nearly tripped and as he charged toward the stairs.
“He’s so—he feels terrible,” Skizz said.
“Ohhhh,” Tango rasped. “I give him a life and this is how he repays me?”
“This is terrible!”
Tango felt his neck again, making sure his head was indeed attached. He felt his arm too, making sure he wasn’t still torn apart, but his armour was mighty dented.
“Bdubs!” Skizz yelled up the stairs.
Tango slapped a hand on the wall and leaned, hunching over, trying to breathe.
“Okay,” Skizz said, patting Tango on the shoulder, “everybody keep it together—”
“Skizz—”
“Yeah?”
“Kill me.” Tango stood straighter, fists clenched. “Now. So I can get revenge.”
Before Bdubs struck, Tango had felt it. He ignored his intuition in favour of trusting his team, trusting Bdubs, trusting that Tango’s sacrifice—a whole life given to Bdubs—would keep him safe. Tango felt the aura of danger, the lack of stability standing behind him, looming. Tango didn’t turn to look at Bdubs, but he hadn’t been focusing on Skizz’s words either. He had felt the wrongness, felt the curse on Bdubs, and still, Tango ignored it, dismissing it as paranoia.
Skizz took both of Tango’s shoulders and ducked to meet his eyes. “No, I can’t do it.”
Tango broke away and stormed back toward the room he’d just woken up in, letting out a frustrated, adrenaline-choked breath.
“All your stuff is up here, buddy,” Skizz said.
“Tango!” Bdubs said, rushing down the stairs. “I’m so sorry—thank you so much.”
Tango hurried toward the stairs, then lunged up them with a cry, swinging at Bdubs. Bdubs dodged his punches until Tango was behind him, then Tango tried to shove him down the stairs.
“Go get your stuff,” Bdubs said. “It’s right here.”
Tango landed a hit across Bdubs’s jaw. Skizz watched from the main room of the lair, and Etho came slowly down the stairs.
“Go get your stuff,” Bdubs said again, slipping past Tango into the main room. “This is great!”
Tango had thought that if Bdubs was going to attack someone in the room, it wouldn’t have been Tango. Tango had given him a life. After everything? They had been talking, as a team, about their goals in their bunker. Tango, despite having lost a life for Bdubs, was riding the high of having their team back together. Team BEST. It was supposed to be a happy thing.
Tango breathed out, stalking toward Bdubs who backed away with his hands up. Tango couldn’t help but laugh, grinding his teeth together.
“I’m sorry!” Bdubs threw his hands in a shrug. “I had to!”
Harsher laughs punched out of Tango as he nearly brought his first back up for another fight. Bdubs stepped around him, gesturing toward the stairs.
“All your stuff is sittin’ up here waitin’ to despawn,” Bdubs started up the stairs. “C’mon let’s go get it.”
Neither Skizz nor Etho had said anything since they all reunited in the main room. Etho always has a neutral face, but his weapon was at the ready, and he stayed light on his feet, close in case he needed to intervene. Skizz’s brows were drawn together, his iron pickaxe hung limply from his hand, nearly touching the ground, and his jaw was almost as slack.
“This is very convenient for you,” Bdubs said, “you love it.”
“I give you a life, and this is what you do?”
Bdubs laughed. “Oh, stop it.”
Tango followed Bdubs at his heels up the stairs.
“So glad to have you in this alliance, Tango,” Etho said.
Bdubs let Tango pass to get to his things. As Tango went, he glared as hatefully as he could into Bdubs’s eyes, hoping red would shimmer across them. Bdubs backed away behind Skizz. Tango’s body was hot, his face was hot. His hands trembled as he bent down to pick up his items, and as he stood with them all again, he braced against the wave of lightheadedness that struck him.
“Alright, listen, everybody in the lair!” Skizz said.
Tango’s vision flashed. It dimmed and relit like a fire chewing through kindling. Skizz stayed between Tango and Bdubs, but ushered them all back down the stairs. The flashing turned into a pounding headache, and Tango took a break half way down the stairs to blink and breathe. When Tango caught up to the others in the main room, they were all staring. Bdubs and Etho were laughing.
“I’m crying, I’m laughing so much,” Etho said, wiping a tear.
Oh sure, now he was laughing. Etho had tried, a little bit, to get between Bdubs and Tango, but the truth was that he probably let Bdubs get to Tango. Etho saw this coming—they had probably planned it together. Tango walked himself straight into Bdubs’s space, poked a finger into his chestplate with a clank.
“I’m sorry!” Bdubs said again.
“If I lose one more,” Tango poked harder, “you’re done for.”
“No, come on,” Bdubs waved, “we’re fine.”
Tango tightened his hand around the pickaxe he held, imagining how it would feel to put it through Bdubs’s teeth. Over and over again.
“Tango, take a step back,” Skizz said, gently pushing Tango by the shoulder.
Skizz kept talking, but the pounding and the flashing came back in thicker waves. Tango breathed raggedly, eyes locked on Bdubs even as Skizz tried to block him from view. Tango stepped from foot to foot for a moment, fighting the discomfort in his heaving chest and thrumming head.
“Tango,” Skizz said, “forgive him.”
Tango summoned a lava bucket from his inventory. The smokey air rising from the bucket, wafting around Tango’s hand, was cool in comparison to the burning through his core.
“Say it,” Skizz said.
Tango splashed the first drops of lava at Bdubs’s feet.
“Hey don’t—don’t!” Bdubs gasped.
“No,” Skizz said.
The rest was a blur of red, head-pounding, and room-spinning. Etho pulled Bubs behind himself and Skizz corralled Tango away. Vaguely, Tango remembered screaming a little more, laughing until his chest hurt, and his knees buckling at some point. Distantly, he recalled Bdubs shouting that Tango had lost his mind. In a haze of negotiations and poorly executed breathing techniques, Tango “sucked it up” and finished the game. He celebrated, unsubtly, when Bdubs died.
**********
“Tango? Buddy?”
Tango blinked. He’d been lying in bed all day, thinking about the game. Everyone got back onto Hermitcraft season eight that morning, Tango hadn’t spoken to anyone since his death. Though, it wasn’t like anyone had messaged or come over until now. And why would they? He was everyone’s last choice.
“Tango?” Etho asked.
Tango lay facing the wall, away from Etho, on the bottom floor of his starter base. He kept a bed next to his storage. He had no plans of getting up for the rest of the day, but nobody ever cared what Tango wanted, so of course he’d have to get up in the middle of his well-deserved rest.
“We’re just doin’ the rounds, checking on everyone, you know?” Etho continued, closing the door behind himself and coming closer. “Nobody’s heard from you and uh, I was gonna message you but I thought visiting would be better.”
Tango breathed out long and exhausted, then slowly sat up and turned toward Etho, whose face dissolved into concern, which spurred Tango into standing up quickly to avoid Etho’s scrutiny. Tango kept a neutral face even as his vision faded out.
“Are you alright?” Etho asked.
Tango’s door burst open again and Bdubs walked in. He smiled, seeing Tango, and closed the door behind himself.
“Hey!” Bdubs said, walking forward as if he hadn’t betrayed Tango via the worst betrayal in the history of betrayals. “How are you?”
“Great,” Tango said.
Etho and Bdubs side-eyed each other, as if Tango wasn’t standing right there and could see them doing it. In sync, Etho and Bdubs both crossed their arms and looked back at him.
“You seem upset,” Bdubs said.
“And kind of sick,” Etho added.
Tango crossed his arms too. “Maybe it’s because I’m trying to sleep and relax and you two interrupted me.”
Third Life and Last Life were just games, but that didn’t make them meaningless. Sometimes things happened in the games that bled into their real, personal lives, and those things needed to be dealt with. Sometimes a fight got too gruesome and gave someone nightmares, sometimes a pet was killed and it truly was sad, even if those pets were not real. Sometimes, people realized that their best friends weren’t really their best friends and they were all just pretending to want him on their team and were using him as extra lives but they didn’t really care if he lived for long because they didn’t enjoy playing with him anyway!.
“Seriously, are you feeling okay?” Etho asked, stepping closer. “Grian and X aren’t gonna let you play again if you don’t tell us what’s wrong.”
After third life, Grian and X worked extensively to make sure everyone recovered well from the game. The goal was only ever to have some fun, albeit intense fun. After Grian spent his time getting feedback from everyone and checking on everyone, he passed out in his own base on Hermitcraft for a few days. The lifers all found out later that Grian had really struggled with the way Third Life ended, which is why he was now so adamant in making sure everyone else recovered well.
“I feel awesome,” Tango said, glaring at Bdubs. “You must feel great too.”
“I mean, I didn’t win but, yeah, I do?”
Etho put his hand on Tango’s shoulder and Tango ducked away.
“Get lost, you two, I’m tired.”
Etho frowned. “Tango.”
“You’re not still mad at me are you?” Bdubs asked.
The edges of Tango’s vision turned red again. He stared, wondering whether Bdubs was baiting him, serious, plain stupid, or all three. When Bdubs didn’t confess that he was joking, Tango started toward him with an open mouth, searching for the right profanities. Bdubs put his hands up, eyes widening.
“No, come on,” Bdubs said, stepping back. “You’re not, are you?”
“You killed me after I gave you a life!” Tango yelled.
“I thought we were over this!” Bdubs backed into the wall.
“Over it?” Tango laughed. “You were over it before you even did it! I wasn’t over it, I just had to move on because none of you cared.”
Tango glanced toward Etho, whose arms hung limply at his sides. He, at least, had the decency to look guilty now.
“In fact,” Tango turned fully to Etho, “you thought it was hilarious. And Skizz made me forgive him.”
Etho opened his mouth but Tango whirled back on Bdubs.
“I had to,” Bdubs said. “There was no way I was gonna get to kill someone else.”
It hurt. It genuinely hurt, and Tango felt pathetic for it. Bdubs preferred to sacrifice two of Tango’s lives over one of his own. There could only be one winner, that was true, but Tango had already lost a life for Bdubs and both Skizz and Etho were right there. Skizz would have gone red but he’d have been easier to kill! Bdubs preferred to sacrifice Tango over Skizz or Etho and it hurt.
“It’s just a game, man,” Bdubs said.
Tango nearly clutched his heart at the pinch in his chest. Bdubs didn’t care at all, didn’t even understand why Tango was upset.
“It’s not about the game,” Tango said defeatedly.
Tango always knew that he was nobody’s first choice. Sometimes he tried to rationalize, convince himself that there was no ‘first choice’ and that they were all good friends. Sometimes he reminded himself that people were allowed to have favourite friends, and he shouldn’t be mad about it. But it still hurt that he was nobody’s favourite. It hurt that Bdubs would so blatantly show it. And now they all thought he was some crybaby because he couldn’t handle a game.
And maybe he was.
Bdubs’s expression wilted from defensive to confused, then concerned. “Well, what’s it about?”
They were all adults. This reaction was probably why Tango was nobody’s first choice. Apparently he couldn’t handle not being everyone’s favourite. He was greedy, and full of himself, and he needed constant attention. Yeah, of course Bdubs wanted him gone sooner. Of course he’d spare Etho and take pleasure in killing Tango.
Tango waved. “Nothing.” He headed toward the door to the outside. “Nevermind.”
“Wha—wait.” Bdubs shuffled after him. “Wait a minute, would you?”
When Tango did not wait, Bdubs lunged to get between him and the door. Etho followed cautiously behind.
“Tango I’m—I really didn’t think it would upset you—I mean, not like this,” Bdubs said, spreading his arms out in front of the door.
Tango wasn’t a crier, but that didn’t mean the emotion never showed on his face. Generally, it manifested in anger. Tango wasn’t the sad type, and when he moped, he did it with a clenched jaw and fists. Judging by Bdubs’s now more panicked expression, Tango was not hiding his feelings well. Not that he had been trying too hard.
“I’m sorry,” Bdubs sputtered, “I really didn’t think it would affect you outside the game—I only did it because it’s a game. Just a game.”
The red vignette in Tango’s vision thickened.
“Why didn’t you wait to try to kill someone else?” Tango asked lowly.
Bdubs lowered his arms. “It was the curse, man, it does something to you. I didn’t want to miss my shot and go back to red.”
“Why didn’t you kill Skizz or Etho?”
“Skizz would have gone red and Etho—Etho was with me since day one.”
Tango nodded slowly. “Yeah, yeah that’s real convenient. But I could always see right through you. All of you.” Tango turned his body so he could see Etho and Bdubs. “I was expendable, you kept your besties alive, and you all played ‘let’s pretend Tango’s part of the group so we can use him!’”
“Woah, Tango—” Etho began.
“No, no, I know it’s true. And it’s fair, you know? Everyone has their favourites, and obviously I can’t be everyone’s favourite, but it kinda sucks to find out in the middle of the game that nobody cared how long I lasted.” Tango laughed breathlessly. “And I mean, I guess I deserved it because all I did was kill myself in the end anyway, it wasn’t like I had anything to offer to the team, so, no, no I get it, man, you just don’t have to pretend.”
“Tango,” Bdubs yelped. “I cared. I care. I wanted you to last a long time—I was just protecting Etho because he’d been protecting me and I didn’t think I could beat him.”
Tango stared, tiredly, then shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Fine, whatever. Can you get out of my way now?”
“No! You don’t believe me. You actually seem to think that—what—that we’re not friends? That I don’t like you like I like Skizz and Etho?”
Tango made a ‘yeah, obviously’ face. Etho came closer with crossed arms, as if he wanted to interject and held himself back.
“I know that I’m not,” Tango waved his hand from Bdubs to Etho, “you know.”
“No, I don’t,” Bdubs said. “I don’t know. You’re not what?”
“I’m not Etho. I’m not—I’m not fun to team with, or hang out with, or whatever. I guess it just hurts that I thought…” Tango clenched his jaw. “Yeah. I dunno.”
“Oh goodness.” Bdubs put a hand to his forehead. “Did you feel like this before we started the game? Have you always felt like this?”
Tango had always been the odd one out of any group he’d joined. His whole life, he was the last choice, the forgotten child, sibling, friend. Left out of dinners, events, plans, holidays. He could hardly believe it when he got the invitation to Hermitcraft. He promised himself he wouldn’t mess it up, but from the very moment he joined he knew that he was nowhere near skilled enough to be on this server. Everyone else had known it too.
“Tango,” Bdubs practically whined, “I would never have done that to you if I had known you felt like that. It—that betrayal wasn’t real, I would never hurt you like that for real. I only—oh goodness’ sakes—I should have known. I should have seen it and made sure you knew,” Bdubs huffed and grabbed Tango’s shoulders, shaking him slightly, “it was only meant to be in good fun.”
Tango was stunned by the panic on Bdubs’s face, and the shaking sensation. It would be so much easier for Bdubs to admit that it was true, that he didn’t like Tango as much as the others, that he wanted Tango gone sooner so they could have a better, more fun team. But Bdubs was denying it.
Bdubs sputtered, “And I know it wasn’t fun for you—I should have been able to tell. I’m sorry. We kept teasin’ you and making it worse, and I’m sorry.”
Maybe it would have been fun if Tango had realized that it wasn’t a reflection of how Bdubs really felt. Maybe it would have been hilarious after the game was over if Tango hadn’t felt like everyone secretly wanted him gone. And why would Bdubs lie now? But how could Tango know for sure?
“I thought you were just playing it up,” Bdubs continued. “I thought you were joking around with me—for the drama! That’s all I was doing… I was just messin’ with ya.”
“If we didn’t care, we wouldn’t have come to check on you, right?” Etho said.
“I,” Tango looked slowly at Etho, “don’t know?”
“Ah jeez,” Bdubs sighed, “I’m a terrible person. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Bdubs grabbed Tango’s hand and led him upstairs. Tango followed, dazed, unsure of what else he could do anyway. Etho followed them into the nicer part of Tango’s starter base. Bdubs dragged Tango to a small circular table with three seats and gestured for him to sit. Bdubs then waved Etho toward the kitchen. Tango sat hesitantly, then Bdubs sat too.
“Okay first of all, you look awful,” Bdubs said, “so we’re gonna take care of that.”
Etho was pulling food out of the fridge and boiling water.
Tango frowned. “That’s not necessary.”
“Second,” Bdubs said quickly, “we need to—or—listen. I don’t know how to prove to you that you’re one of my best friends and I never ever want to hurt you, but I’m gonna figure it out.”
Tango wanted to believe Bdubs so badly. Tango did believe him. But he was afraid that it would all fall apart again later. Bdubs felt guilty now but would eventually realize Tango was right. Or Tango would mess it all up and make Bdubs hate him for real.
“Are you used to people not wanting you around?” Bdubs asked.
Tango sat straight in his chair, eyes slightly wide, and Etho turned to watch his answer. Bdubs put his arms over the table, hands near Tango, but not touching down. At first, Tango was going to deny it, but what good would that have done? Tango never had close relationships with anyone, and that was impossible to deny.
“Yeah, pretty much,” Tango said.
“Well, we do,” Bdubs said firmly. “And I know that’s hard for you to believe, but it’s true. I swear, Tango, I would not have done that to you if I knew how you felt.”
Tango sighed and dropped his elbow onto the table, resting his chin in his hand. “Maybe I’m just being dramatic.”
Bdubs wasn’t a fake person. Of course he wasn’t, what was Tango thinking? God, this is why Tango couldn’t keep friends. He was too sensitive.
“No, that’s not fair,” Bdubs said. “If you were used to people… hurting you like that, you had no way of knowing I didn’t mean it.”
“No, Bdubs I—”
“Nope! Nuh uh, I won’t hear it. Don’t you start getting all self-depricating. I didn’t know how you felt, now I do, and we’re gonna make it better.”
What was scary was that Tango did feel better. He hadn’t been expecting Bdubs to apologize, or see that he’d even done anything wrong, or care to fix it. Tango hadn’t expected anyone to notice how awful he felt—and he especially didn’t expect anyone to care enough to drag him to the kitchen to be fed.
“Do you think maybe Xisuma should know about this?” Etho asked, bringing two steaming mugs to the table.
“Why should he need to know?” Tango asked, looking into the mug Etho set before him.
It was some kind of amber tea. Tango had a lot of tea in his cupboards.
“He likes to know about his players. He can help.”
“Help? How?” Tango shook his head. “He doesn’t need to know I threw a hissy fit about the games.”
“Stop talkin’ about yourself like that,” Bdubs said. “Let’s just be honest, Tango, you’re incredibly insecure and lonely—”
“Well I wouldn’t say—”
“And it pays for your friends to know how you feel, especially the friend who runs the server and invited you in.”
“It’s one of the things,” Etho said.
“This is not one of X’s things,” Tango scoffed.
“Mental health concerns is one of his things.”
“This is not that.”
Etho and Bdubs shared a look that told Tango Xisuma would know about this incident whether he liked it or not. X had a list of things that the Hermits were required to tell him about, whether they noticed it in other Hermits or themselves. Sometimes, X’s list of things bothered Tango—could they not have any privacy on this server? Other times, Tango knew that X’s list kept the server a healthy, safe place. The younger hermits benefited especially from X’s list of things.
“If it kept you upset all day in bed, it’s worth mentioning,” Bdubs said, then whispered to himself. “I knew we should have come sooner.”
“Just, don’t make it a big thing, alright? It’s not urgent,” Tango said.
“Okay.” Bdubs raised his hands. “Not a big thing.”
Tango tapped his fingers on the table. A moment later, Etho brought over plates of sandwiches, and fresh veggies Tango had stored.
“Thanks,” Tango said.
“Of course,” Etho replied.
“I hope you know we’re not leavin’ anytime soon,” Bdubs said.