Chapter Text
Heartbreak and to-do lists
The worst day of Atty Young’s life started off as any other, and ended with her boarding a bus at 10pm with all her worldly possessions stuffed into two small bags. It’s funny how the universe can tilt on its axis so rapidly, upheaving your life unapologetically, and just carry on as if you aren’t sitting on your ass like ‘what the fuck just happened?’
Atty awoke, as she did most mornings, wrapped up in the warm embrace of her boyfriend’s arms. She took a quick peak at her alarm and realised she had a whole hour before she had to rush the door for work. She was flustered, having just had the most sensual, sexy dream of grabbing hands, gasping breaths, and the best feeling she could only describe as being blissfully full. While the man in her dream was faceless, she could acknowledge it must have been Jake, and at the very least, he was the one here in her bed.
She wiggled her ass up against him, and as his arms tightened she let out the smallest giggle. This was so different to her usual routine of rushing around the apartment with no time for anything more than a peck, and it felt almost naughty to start the day off with a quickie, but it had been so long since she had felt so… herself? She was usually so run-down from her 12 hour shift at Joja that she often dragged herself in the front door, had a shower, and occasionally gave Jake a guilt-inspired blowjob while he sat on the couch. She pressed the back of her head back into his shoulder, curving her spine and pushing her left breast firmly into his palm that rested sleepily on her chest, and resumed her slow grind against his still-flacid dick. As she felt almost all of him awaken, she turned her head further and quietly moaned “I want to feel you inside me,” in his ear. She felt Jake’s body go rigid against her, and then a groan, steeped in what could only be described as frustration, filled the bedroom from behind her.
“Ugh… as good as that sounds, babe, I have the gym with the boys this morning, remember? I can’t… I don’t have time today. Sorry. Maybe tonight after you get home from work?” He released her breast, moved slightly back from her, and perched himself up on his elbow to peer down at her. Atty couldn’t look up at him as feelings of rejection and embarrassment wove their way from her heart, up her chest, to her now reddening cheeks. He had never turned down sex, if anything he would nag her for it like a petulant child, not understanding how her bone-deep exhaustion made the idea of mediocre sex feel like a chore. And now? Now he was turning her down? She quickly rolled out of bed, and walking to the ensuite behind their bed almost shouted, “Yeah yeah of course. Silly me. Don’t worry about it, it’s fine!” Oh god, she was rambling. As she eyed herself in the mirror, her cheeks well and truly flushed, the red of embarrassment faintly painted on her chest, she stared at herself. He doesn’t want me? Or does he only want me when I’m tired? What the fuck am I doing? That last question was one that she asked herself daily, and she was starting to worry that she might need to sit down and actually confront some of the parts of her life that left her feeling so lost. The main one of which was currently leaning in the doorway of their bathroom.
Jake’s eyes raked over her, and she felt herself shrinking in on herself. “I’m sorry babe. You know how important the gym is to me, and I promised the guys I’d be on my a-game to spot them this morning.” He sounded apologetic at least, and as he walked in and wrapped his arms around her, the soft cotton of his shirt pressing against her back, she felt her walls falling as they always did with him. “It’s fine, really. I had this silly dream, and thought it would be a nice way to start the day. But you’re right. I know how hard you’re working. We’ll try again tonight.” She smiled back at him in the mirror, and all she could think was what are you doing, Atty? Jake smiled back at her, his brown eyes and hair, his toothy grin, all staring back happily at her. “I’m heading off now, but I’ll see you tonight, yeah? I’ll sort dinner out, don’t worry. You just get this cute ass back here and be ready for me.” He grabbed her ass as he said it, eliciting a small flutter in her stomach. He really does care about you. You’re overreacting. Get out of your head, get through the day, and he’ll be here when you get home. It’s fine. “Sounds perfect.”
Now that she was up and Jake was out the door, Atty opted to use her time to make herself feel pretty and put together before work. Working as a PA for her boss, Maria, at Joja didn’t require her to look drop-dead gorgeous every day, which was good because she rarely had time to feed herself before work, let alone worry about her appearance. But today? Today she was going to take her time getting ready and choose an outfit that made her feel good about herself. Hell, maybe she’d even grab a coffee on her way into the office that was for her, and not just her boss. She pressed both palms into the granite counter of her vanity, stared at herself in the mirror, and declared “You’re going to have a good day, Atty. You’re going to look cute as fuck, you’re going to get through your shift, and you’re going to have a god damn orgasm when you get home. Get your shit together.” Was it mildly concerning that she was speaking to herself in the mirror? Sure. But the pep talk worked, and she got to it.
It wasn’t that she didn’t take pride in her appearance, but more so that she had forgotten how good it felt to pour energy into herself and embrace the slow art of getting ready. She grabbed her phone from her bedside table, and enlisted the help of Gracie Abrams to help her get ready. After brushing her teeth, she pulled out her bag of skincare, makeup, and her curling wand. She brushed through her short brown hair, opting to curl some of her face-framing layers, and sprayed them into place with hairspray. She wasn’t big on a full-face of makeup, particularly for work, so opted for some mascara and an eye shadow with a light shimmer, both of which made her blue eyes shine. Finally, a quick dab of her favourite mulberry lipstick, the perfect shade for the last week of winter. Before she could over-analyse her face too much, she headed for her closet.
Atty stared at herself in her full length mirror, and felt… beautiful. Her hair sat just above her shoulders in soft waves, her makeup made her look like a 27 year old with her shit together, and her outfit, oh her outfit. It was perfect for a cool day like today. She’d opted for a mulberry turtleneck sweater, a black midlength skirt with the cutest thigh-high slit that covered her almost-sheer tights, and her favourite pair of boots. She felt beautiful, put together, and almost sexy. She grabbed her black handbag, checked the time on her watch to ensure she still had enough time for that coffee, and headed out into the cool winter streets of Zuzu City. She had this, today would be a good day afterall.
It wasn’t a good day. It wasn’t even a fine day. It was a fucking terrible day, and she was a fucking idiot for thinking it any differently. As Atty arrived at the office, two coffee cups in hand and a smile on her face, she noticed immediately the way not a single one of her co-workers would look at her. Not Jane from accounting, not Amelia from HR, and not even Creepy Cole, the office flirt who made borderline inappropriate comments every morning. She chose to ignore it, pulling her shoulders back as she walked into Maria’s office to deliver her morning coffee. As she turned to close the door, she saw Jane staring at her with a look she could only describe as pity etched onto her face, and Atty took pause. She stared at Jane, trying to decode the look when she heard Maria clear her throat behind her. Shaking her head, Atty turned around, “Here’s your coffee, Maria. I-” she was cut off by Maria’s hand as it thrust up towards her, palm facing her, a clear sign to stop talking. “We need to talk, Atty. Sit. Please.” Maria eyed Atty as she sat down, carefully taking the coffee as Atty placed it on her desk, but never sitting down herself, opting to stand tall over Atty as she spoke. “Joja is making cuts, as you’re aware. While you’ve been a valued member of this company for the last… what is it again? Three years?” She paused, looking at Atty expectantly. “Four years.” Atty squeaked. She clasped her coffee tightly, the heat seeping through and burning her palms, but it was the only thing she could do to ground herself. “Yes, four years. While you’ve been a valued member of the team for four years, I’m going to have to let you go. We’re consolidating your role with another in an effort to save money, and after the error you made with my emails last month, it was only fair that the company let you go. You’ll need to collect your items from your desk and quietly leave the office immediately. I’ve called security to help and to ensure we don’t have another… scene after last week’s termination. Your final paycheck will be paid out next week. That will be all.” Maria promptly took a sip of her coffee and turned to her monitor, leaving Atty to stare at her in disbelief.
It all happened in a blur. One minute she was being fired, and the next she was walking back to her apartment with a cardboard box containing a near dead plant from her desk, a few photos of Jake, her grandfather, and her family dog Jasper, and her water bottle. She didn’t even register the rain until she got inside her apartment building, as if the sudden break from the persistent drops snapped her out of the autopilot that carried her feat homeward. She entered the lift, making a silent agreement to not look at herself in the reflection of metal doors, and counted down the seconds until she could unravel in the comfort of her apartment. Hell, maybe she’d get wine drunk in the shower. Yep, that was a good idea. She used the trip up to formulate a plan: step 1 - drop the box at the door, step 2 - remove wet clothes step 3-
Her planning was cut short as she unlocked the front door to a gasp, or was it a moan? The weird thing was, she didn’t recall gasping, but it had to be her, right? It was too feminine to be anyone else, and it’s not like there was a woman in her apartment. No, definitely not. Definitely not a woman in her apartment, in her bed, riding her boyfriend. Preposterous. She continued with her plan. Step 1 - drop the box at the door. The loud bang drew another gasp, this time definitely not hers, as it was too masculine. Weird. As she proceeded with step 2 - remove wet clothes - she caught a glimpse across their studio apartment of Jake scrambling out of bed. As she dropped her sweater on the floor with a loud thud, she took a proper look at Jake. He was standing on his side of their bed, pillow clutched desperately in front of his dick. His chest, which was heaving from exertion, was red and sweaty, with the faintest claw marks trailing down his pecks. He had the funniest, almost terrified expression on his face, and his eyes kept darting to his right, across to Atty’s side of the bed. Her eyes followed slowly, and there, perched on her knees, clutching Atty’s sheet to her chest, was her best friend Natalie. Natalie had the same terrified expression on her face, and her eyes darted from Atty to Jake. Both Natalie and Jake appeared to have paused all movements, even breaths, as Atty walked from the front door through to the small kitchenette on the left of the apartment. She opened the pantry and grabbed a bottle of red wine that she’d been saving for a special occasion, and turned, placing the bottle on the counter as she started rifling through the utensil drawer for a corkscrew. As the corked popped out, she finally looked up at Jake, took in the horrified look on his face, and… laughed. It started as a small chuckle, but devolved into borderline hysterics as both Natalie and Jake’s faces morphed from those of fear to those of confusion. As Atty looked at them while she took a swig from the bottle, she realised just how profoundly funny this whole moment, situation, this whole fucking day, suddenly was. She was laughing, full body laughing, as she walked from the kitchenette to her bathroom, passing by both of them and their hilariously concerned expressions, and continued to laugh as she locked the door behind her. She drank as she removed her bra, skirt, tights, and panties, and stumbled into the shower, bottle in tow. She drank as she scrubbed down her body, washed her hair, and cleansed her face. She drank as she removed all traces of the beautiful, put together woman she pretended to be only a few hours ago. And she drank as she began to formulate another plan.
Atty emerged from the bathroom in her bathrobe with her skincare and makeup bag in hand, and found Jake sitting on the sofa in the middle of their studio apartment, hunched over, head in hands and crying. Natalie was nowhere in sight, apparently taking Atty’s hysterics as her cue to leave (thank god, dealing with the both of them would have been too much for her), with the only sign of her presence being the tousled bedsheets. Atty proceeded with the steps of her newly formed plan. She grabbed two bags out from the back of her wardrobe, a backpack and small suitcase, and placed them both on the floor, placing her skincare and makeup inside the small pink suitcase. She began emptying her top draw into her suitcase, grabbing all her panties and bras, along with her socks and her old vibrator. Next, she grabbed a pair of jeans, a few shirts, some sweaters, and her trusty pair of work boots that she’d stashed at the back from summers spent at her grandfather's. After throwing in a few coats, her favourite scarf, and a few of her favourite dresses, she zipped up her bag and moved back into the body of her apartment, all the while listening to Jake’s increasingly snotty cries. As he began apologising, she went to her bedside table to gather her charger, and while she made her way through the apartment to grab her laptop, her damp boots and black skirt, his voice became more frantic. “Atty! I’m trying tell you how sorry I am, would you just fucking look at me!” he grabbed her arm as he shouted the last word, and she finally looked at him. He looked so… small. Atty looked from his face to the hand grasping her bicep and pried his fingers off her arm. “We’re done, Jake. The apartment, the furniture, it’s yours. I’m leaving,” she said calmly, walking back to place her armful of items in her backpack. “What do you mean ‘done’? I fucked up, I know, but come on. You can’t just leave! We need to talk about this, we need to work this out, you’re on the lease!” God, he’s rambling now. Get your shit and get out. Next step is to go to the bus stop, Atty. Get out. Keep the plan in motion. You’re fine as long as you follow the plan. . Following the guidance of her inner monologue, Atty zipped up and grabbed her bags and strode for the door. As she gripped the door handle she turned, looking at Jake one final time. “Jake, you fucked my best friend in our bed. There is no talking about this. Sort the lease out yourself. Hell, maybe you can ask Nat to move in! Wouldn’t that be fun?” She left the apartment as he threw a stray coffee cup on the floor in what she could only describe as a mantrum, and made her way to the Zuzu Metro Bus Station.
As Atty sat down at the back of the bus, she gave herself 10 minutes to analyse the day that had changed her life, for better or worse was still to be determined. She thought about the dream, the firm grip of hands and gasping of breaths, and was thankful it hadn’t been Jakes face she’d seen. She thought about Jane’s look of pity, of the burning sensation of the coffee cup in her hands as she was fired, and finally, she thought of the sense of relief she’d felt as she realised she could finally leave her life behind after spotting Natalie in her bed. For the first time in years, she knew what she was doing, and that nagging, incessant thought finally ceased as she opened the notes app on her phone and began typing..
To do list:
Buy ticket to Pelican Town- Assess severity of damage at Grandpa’s farm
- Come up with timeline - maximum 12 months - to get farm to the point of it being sellable
- Use money from sale to travel
- Use time traveling to work out what the fuck to do with life
- Live fucking life
Atty took a big breath, rested her head back against the seat, and watched as the lights outside became less frequent, less bright, until finally the bus was encased in darkness, and she closed her eyes. You’re okay. Follow the plan. You’re okay.