Work Text:
Hello, my friend.
No, not that word. I should not use it anymore, if it ever applied to us. What exactly are we now?
Forgive me for being direct. Patience is a trait of mine I have sharpened and perfected, yet when it comes to you, I must admit such skill has faltered. You were always good at testing it.
Since I have already presented the topic abruptly, I shall not waste your time.
I can still taste your lips. When you tugged at my collar and pulled me in, I was embarrassed for the subtle whine which left my throat. For once, I was grateful for the gunshots. I would prefer any vulnerable noises I make be heard by you. You kissed me as if it would be our first and last, and I was too indulged by your warmth. I had forgotten the danger around us. It was only when you pulled away and played knight when I realized how differently I thought of you since our first encounter. How much I came to care for you, to crave you. How scared I was when your body went limp, and your shirt was stained red.
I loathed you in the beginning. You were secretive, preferred solace over solidarity, and always moved before you formed a thought. While the recent influx of agents had their fair share of flaws, you were of greatest annoyance to work with. I am sure if we met under different circumstances, being your friend would have been a positive experience.
Despite what I felt, you were adored by almost everyone, even to those I did not expect. I began to wonder what traits you possessed which sparked intrigue, yet I persistently chose to put your work ethic before your person. You did put quite a few of them in danger over preserving your ego. Will you blame me for being hesitant to place any faith in you?
Yet, I was still intrigued.
It became interest. I began to wonder why I loathed you so. No matter how much thought I put into it, I was at a standstill. It was not until I conversed with one of the agents you are frequently partnered with, and they commented:
“You both are a lot alike.”
I found it absurd, of course. In my eyes, we were opposing forces of nature. Two substances which can never mix.
And yet, my interest grew.
The more I observed you, and the more I overheard how others spoke of you, I realized where my loathing came from. The answer was so obvious I chuckled aloud, and I noticed you from the corner of my eye smiling a little at me.
You did remind me of me. Someone who will take on any task to ensure the safety of others, the action being mistaken for flaunting. Someone who masks their exhaustion by hiding away in one of the common rooms with paperwork in their hands under the guise of “ensuring nothing is left behind.” Most of all, someone who strives for perfection in fear of their failure will harm a life, and at worst, all who look up to them. The expectations placed upon their shoulders only getting heavier with every perfect shot.
With that conclusion, my loathe for you dissipated. It became another feeling I still cannot describe. However, every time you smiled, or I heard your laughter, my attention towards you was longer than it used to be. It slightly annoyed me.
It is embarrassing to admit, but I have become to think of you even when you are not in the room. It was tame at first. What I thought of the most was our kiss. How much I wanted you to kiss me again, and… how much I wanted your lips to be placed elsewhere. I hope you do not think of me any differently by this. I am simply being truthful.
I must now stop writing. My thoughts of you are becoming disrespectful, and I wish not to engage with it at all. However, if I may be forward one last time, if you by any chance desire to quench my longing for you, I shall meet you in the west wing in Room A23 at 16:00 tomorrow. Cypher’s surveillance is finicky there due to electrical issues – so I’ve been told.
I will be away for most of the day. I shall think of you as kindly as possible to avoid any falter in my aiming.
Yours if desired,
Sova