Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Further notes:

Also massive props/kudos to number1trashenthusiast whose amazing fic The Family You Choose (is better) put some very fun mental images into my head and inspired some of the vibes for this fic, specifically this bit from Chapter 16:

“Yeah, but that’s different,” Vox says. “When I get drunk, I sing show tunes and quote statistics about the Bears starting line that no one wants to hear. When YOU get drunk, someone has to haul your ass off the carousel horse at LuLu world because whatever vaudeville version of pole dancing you’re demonstrating is traumatizing the children.”  

“....oh for fuck’s sake, that was one time,” Alastor says, even as he sniffs at a second flask. 

“Yeah, ‘cause we got banned,” Vox mutters mostly under his breath.

And now, on with the show!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Lucifer had known that by bedding the Radio Demon, he would have somehow unlocked the Sinner’s heretofore-undiscovered exhibitionist streak, he might’ve thought twice about it. Oh, who was he kidding, no he wouldn’t’ve - not that there was much thought that had gone into it in the first place, really. One moment they were arguing and Alastor had spat out an annoyed “Fuck you!”, to which Lucifer had responded “Fuck me yourself, you coward,” and he still wasn’t sure who had moved first but the next thing Lucifer had known, he’d had his hand tangled in Alastor’s bowtie and Alastor’s tongue in his mouth and it had just sort of spiraled from there.  Honestly he usually didn’t regret a second of it, not really; now that their arguing was more friendly banter/foreplay than actual fighting, Alastor was a lot more fun to be around. 

Plus it’s not like sex was all they got up to together - there were several nights they’d spent just playing music, or drinking and enjoying each other’s company. But for some reason, Alastor seemed to really get a kick out of waiting until they were alone in public or semi-public spaces in the hotel to really rile Lucifer up. Whether it was sliding his shadow underneath Lucifer’s coat for some light groping while they were in the library, or late-night sessions in the music room, Alastor deftly playing the piano as he sang teasingly bawdy tunes from the era when he’d be alive, dragging Lucifer into his lap as he did so, or picking a causal argument with him over decor in the hotel’s lobby…..it was like he got a secret thrill at the idea of almost getting caught, of seeing how quickly they could reduce each other to exhausted wrecks before anyone noticed, or from needling Lucifer until he opened a portal and dragged him through it into one of their bedrooms or the nearest storage closet/unoccupied hotel room. 

Or in today’s case, and the reason for Lucifer’s current headache and massive state of embarrassment…..just straight up canoodling in the kitchen. On one hand, the kitchen was usually a pretty safe spot for late-night/early-morning canoodling - once the bar had closed and Angel Dust was back from work, it was usually pretty empty until it was time for breakfast. On the other hand, usually did not necessarily mean always, but Alastor had been in an unusually forthcoming mood during their post-coital cleanup, the clove and ginger scent of Lucifer’s soap reminding him fondly of the gâteau de sirop his maman had used to make for him. Lucifer had been so warmed by the idea that they’d both decided to forego sleep (good thing neither of them really needed it) for some late night/early morning baking… which had turned into Alastor being even more of a tempting brat once the cake was in the oven….which had turned into accidentally getting caught in flagrante delicto by his daughter when she came looking for a 5am cup of coffee. 

There’s no real way to come back from getting caught railing your daughter’s hotelier-slash-friend-slash-mentor over the kitchen counter, though mercifully Lucifer’s fluffy pink dressing gown had blocked most of the view. Unfortunately, Charlie’s surprised yelp had caused Vaggie to come running, which in turn had woken up more of the hotel guests, and even if Lucifer had poofed himself and Alastor back into proper pajamas almost immediately, the cat was still out of the bag, so to speak, and now Lucifer is having what is quite possibly the most embarrassing meal of his life. 

“Might as well get your questions out of the way now, folks,” Lucifer mutters into his cup of coffee. At least the cake had turned out as delicious as promised - for all that Alastor didn’t like to eat sweets, he was a dab hand at making them. “While I’m in a forgiving mood - or at least an apologetic one.” 

“One question per person,” Alastor clarifies, sipping his coffee and pointedly not making eye contact with anyone. His pajamas are buttoned all the way up and his dressing gown is pulled tight around his chest, exposing as little as possible, but Lucifer can still see the faint beginnings of a bruise on Alastor’s neck from where Lucifer had gotten a bit too enthusiastic during their earlier necking. “And I reserve the right to veto any prurient questions.” 

“Who tops?” Angel Dust asks excitedly. He’s clearly noticed the hickey on Alastor’s neck - though mercifully Lucifer’s dressing gown and pajamas are covering the ones Alastor left on him.

“Depends on the mood,” Lucifer begins to answer, before catching himself. Fuck, he needs more coffee before he answers anything about his personal life.  “I mean….um….ahaha, oh fuck….”

Alastor slaps his hand over Lucifer’s mouth before Lucifer can say anything else, glaring at Angel as the room fills with the sound of radio static and green eldritch symbols and he starts to grow in size. “That was an EXTREMELY prurient question.”

“Hey, can’t blame a bitch for asking!” Angel puts his hands up in appeasement. Having evidently never met a warning sign  he didn’t immediately proceed to ignore, he continues. “Besides, enquiring minds wanna know! Ain’t nothin’ wrong with switchin’ it up from time to time. Still though Smiles, if you want a “Bratty Bottoms Club” shirt like I got, you only hafta ask…”

Alastor inhales deeply, antlers extending even further, his eyes shifting to glowing radio dials. A growl rumbles deep in his throat, radio static and subsonic frequencies echoing through it hard enough to rattle the cutlery. “Husker, I would advise you to teach your paramour the meaning of DISCRETION, lest you find yourself a WIDOWER before you are even PROPERLY AFFIANCED!”

Lucifer shoves Alastor’s hand off his mouth, taking Alastor’s hand in his soothingly. “Alastor….”

Angel, meanwhile, immediately turns to Husk, a gleeful expression on his face. “Affianced? Aww, Husky, baby, you been thinkin’ ‘bout wedding bells? Does that mean your boss thinks we got the stuff to make it for the long haul?” 

“Now don’t you go putting words into my mouth!” Husk protests, as the table devolves into chaos. 

Alastor’s antlers shrink and he returns to his normal size as he takes a slow sip of his coffee, having thoroughly put the cat amongst the pigeons (or the cat amongst the spider, as it were). Lucifer realises this was a deliberate ploy to draw attention, and while throwing Husk under the bus like that was kinda mean, he can’t deny its efficacy. 

“New rule,” Lucifer declares, as the hubbub dies down. “Charlie and Vaggie can ask questions. Everyone else can stay curious.” He squeezes Alastor’s hand reassuringly, under the table, and after a moment, Alastor squeezes back. 

Vaggie is absently nibbling at a slice of cake, deliberately not meeting Lucifer’s gaze, while Charlie…..Charlie looks both excited and frustrated.

“I guess….” she twines her fingers together nervously, staring at her cake rather than looking at anyone else. “Okay! First off! Very happy for the two of you….I mean, I noticed that your bickering had been less….vehement lately? More….friendly? And I am very glad to see you getting along, though I admit I didn’t realise you were quite that um…..friendly….” Her face is tinged scarlet with embarrassment but she soldiers on, attagirl. “But how long has this been going on? Why didn’t you tell me?” She sighs frustratedly, stabbing the cake with her fork. “I’m an adult, Dad, I know you and Mom aren’t getting back together, you could’ve told me you were seeing someone…” She’s trying to sound cheerful, but he can hear the confusion and hurt underneath.

“It’s not like we were deliberately hiding this from you,” Lucifer explains. “It’s been going on for a little over two months now, but we’re still feeling things out….”

There’s a muffled snicker from Angel, followed by a sharp yelp.

“Good kitty,” Alastor mutters. He takes Lucifer’s hand, still in his and sets it atop the table, as if to present a united front. “That is to say, Charlie, your father and I are still rather early on in our relationship. You can hardly blame us for wanting to savour the newness, can you?”

Yes, good, Radio Demon with the assist, perfect. “We always intended to tell you,” Lucifer continues. “But we’ve still been sorting out what it means for us. Both of us are a little…..rusty at the whole dating thing, ya know?” Rusty as in Lucifer has dated exactly one person ever and it wasn’t so much dating as ‘running off with her and Falling from grace together’, while Alastor’s experience consisted of a few awkward dates while he was alive and a series of ‘I thought this was a business meeting but you thought it was a date’ incidents between him and Vox back in the 1950s. “We’ve been trying to take things at our own pace. But we both care about you, and it wasn’t that we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want you to know, it’s more that we wanted to figure out things for ourselves a bit more before telling anyone.”

“That makes sense,” Charlie agrees slowly. “I….I just….sorry Dad, Alastor, if it’s been going on this long….I guess I’m just still wrapping my head around how the two of you went from being….”

“At each other’s throats to down each other’s throats?” Vaggie mutters. Lucifer blinks in surprise, and she rolls her eye. “Do you have any idea how worried Charlie was about the two of you, how often you fought…I don’t get it, how can you go from ‘musical fights and property damage’ to…..whatever you’re doing? Fuck, is the arguing some sort of weird flirting thing for you two?”

Alastor looks at Lucifer. Lucifer looks at Alastor. A cricket chirps, and is promptly stabbed by Niffty.

“Ugggggh,” Vaggie groans, downing the rest of her coffee in one go. 

“At least when we’re arguing for fun there’s much less property damage?” Lucifer offers sheepishly. “It did start as arguing that got physical, just a…..different kind of physical after a while.” 

“And once that had cleared, we realised we rather enjoyed each other’s company,” Alastor continues. “You’d never know it from the way he dresses, but he’s got surprisingly good taste in other areas. Why his record collection is almost as extensive as my own!”

“It’s nice to have someone to talk to,” Lucifer admits. Vaggie’s still eyeing them both skeptically, and Lucifer can’t blame her, it does sound pretty weird. Neither of them had intended for it to be a dating thing, it wasn’t even supposed to be a thing at all in the first place. They’d had an angry fuck in one of the spare guest rooms, and that was supposed to be all of it…except it hadn’t. Except they’d both kept coming back, drawn by something they refused to name or define at first, until they couldn’t ignore it any longer: they’d developed real feelings for each other. 

“He’s even fun to just….be around,” Lucifer continues. “Talking, playing music, doing our own thing but just…..together.” Lucifer’s voice brightens as he thinks about their shared evenings working on their respective projects - Lucifer on his ducks, Alastor on his antique restorations. “Did you know he collects and restores musical instruments as well as radios? He has a really impressive organ in his rooms!”

This time, Angel doesn’t even get a syllable out before Husk, Vaggie, and Cherri clamp their hands over the spider’s mouth, to which Angel responds by flipping them off in quadruplicate.

Alastor doesn’t deign to respond to Angel. “It’s a genuine Wurlitzer theatre organ, I restored it myself!” he replies smugly. “I’ve been working on scoring Saint-Saens’ Danse Macabre for Furby Organ and Theremin, it’s been coming along beautifully. I installed the “screams of the damned” stop on the Furby Organ just last week, it really adds the right ambiance. I’ve been thinking about performing it at the talent show Charlie has been mentioning - it will be quite the showstopper!”

Vaggie gives Lucifer a Look, raising an eyebrow as if to say “This is what does it for you?” and Lucifer shrugs. How can he explain what he found so compelling about the Sinner, about the way he was always so eager to pull Lucifer’s feathers (metaphorically), about his sheer audacity. Alastor didn’t treat Lucifer like the King of Hell, he treated him like…..a person. Like someone who had worth for his own sake. He hadn’t been ‘Lucifer the person’ in a long, long time and yet, with Alastor….he could be.

Alastor steadfastly ignores Vaggie, giving Charlie a soft look, and he’s laying it on thick here maybe but Lucifer can tell there’s real sincerity underneath it.  “We discovered we had more in common than we realised - we both love music, theatre, a good laugh….and of course, we both care deeply about you and your success, darling.”

Lucifer can hear Husk’s mutter of “kiss-ass”, but he ignores it. Charlie meanwhile is looking at them both with the kind of facial expression one usually reserves for cute baby animals. “I’m….I’m so happy for you! I mean, wow, this is still so surprising, but if the two of you make each other happy, then….I’m happy for you! Yes! And dating for two months, oh wow….yeah, wow.  Oooh, so what was your first date like?” She smiles dreamily. “I took Vaggie to the park, and we had ice cream and fed the baby hellducks, and we watched the sunset together, it was all so sweet. What did you two do?”

Lucifer has tried to avoid ‘deer in the headlights’ jokes around Alastor, but his expression right now can hardly be described as anything else. It’d be funny, if not for the fact that Lucifer has a sinking suspicion his own expression isn’t much different.

“Hahaha yeahhh about that….”

“That is to say, we haven’t exactly….”

“Does hanging out together around the hotel count?” Lucifer is trying to go for partial credit here but the look on Charlie’s face has gone from excited to disappointed and he winces. “I mean neither of us are what you’d call social butterflies, heh, and it’s nice to have privacy, right?”

“Yeah ain’t nothin wrong with that,” Angel agrees, and Lucifer wants to sigh in relief….until Angel keeps talking. “I’ve fucked plenty of dudes without going on dates with them first! You do you, Short King!”

Lucifer pinches his forehead. He can’t deny the allegations, not when Charlie literally caught him and Alastor in the act, but it wasn’t like that either, it was….different, okay? ”I mean, we’ve been spending time together, isn’t that what counts?”

“Yeeeeees,” Charlie begins. “But if you’re dating, you should, you know, go on actual dates?” She gasps in delight, clapping her hands in glee. “Ohmygosh, that’s what you two should do today! You can  go on your First Date!” Lucifer can hear the capital letters in her voice. “Ooooh, but what should it be? Something exciting but romantic! But suited to both of your interests! But also fun and cute! Something magical! It should be PERFECT.”

Lucifer glances sidelong at Alastor. Alastor looks intrigued but there’s a hint of uneasiness to his expression. Lucifer can certainly relate - being out in public like this, there’s no way it won’t make all the tabloids, and while he’s not ashamed of his relationship, far from it, he much prefers the spotlight of the stage to the spotlight of public opinion. The former is fun, the latter is absolutely terrifying, and while they’ve been separated for decades, there was a reason he let Lilith handle the ‘dealing with people’ side of things. He was created for research and development, not public relations! 

On the other hand, the news would be bound to leak eventually, especially with more and more guests joining the hotel. If they had a date in public, it would allow them to control the narrative - or at least steer it. Maybe even combine it with a brief announcement on Alastor’s show at some point….yeah, that could work? Maybe possibly?

“Just think about it, Alastor,” Lucifer says, turning to face him, his most tempting and winningest smile on his face. “You, me, out together, showing you off….showing everyone how lucky I am to be dating the handsomest radio host in all of Hell…Whaddaya say, Bambi? Care to let yours truly take you out someplace nice?” 

Alastor rolls his eyes. “Lay it on any thicker and you’ll be needing a trowel, Duckie.” He pauses consideringly before nodding. “I suppose an outing together could be quite nice, yes. And if it all goes horribly wrong at least the chaos will be amusing!” He laughs. 

“Oh just you wait, Alcachofa,” Lucifer promises. “This is going to be the best first date you’ve ever been on!” 

Except now he has to come up with where to take him. Think, brain, think…Exciting, romantic, suited to both their interests….where could he take Alastor that would work for that? If this was going to be their First Date, it has to be perfect…Lucifer mulls it over, before grinning in delight as a brilliant idea crosses his mind. A wonderful, terrible, thrillingly brilliant idea. Yes, this will be the best first date ever, he will charm the socks off of his boyf-...partn-.....off of Alastor! Yes, he has the BEST IDEA for a first date. 

“Given how poorly my prior attempts at dating have been, that’s not exactly a high bar to clear, darling,” Alastor teases. “The fact that it’s a date we both are aware of and want to be on already puts you at the front of the pack. But I look forward to seeing what you pull together. Where and when shall I meet you?”

Lucifer pulls out his phone, checking his calendar. They both do regrettably have things to do today, and he’ll need to make a few phone calls to set this up,and eurgh, he has that lunch meeting he can’t really reschedule… “How about we meet in the lobby around 2?”

Alastor nods. “And is there a dress code for where we’ll be going?”

“Not really, but.....pretty casual? There will be walking involved, and it’s not really a formalwear kind of thing…” he shrugs. “I mean you always look amazing no matter what you wear.”

Alastor preens at the compliment, because of course he does. He’s not wrong though - Alastor always looks amazing, no matter what he’s wearing (or isn’t wearing, for that matter). “In that case, I’ll see you then, Sire.” He melts into shadow, re-forming fully dressed in his usual suit before leaning in to ruffle Lucifer’s hair affectionately. “Niffty, shall we see to those renovations on the basement? I would appreciate your keen eye for aesthetics.”

With an excited chuckle, Niffty clambers atop Alastor’s shoulder and the two of them stride off towards the stairs. 

“Renovations?” Lucifer asks, curious, his eyes never leaving Alastor. Oh he hated to see him go but how he loved to watch him leave….

Excitement clearly over, the rest of the attendees return to eating their breakfasts. 

“We’re putting in a spa for the guests!” Charlie replies eagerly. “I mean we’ve already got the swimming pool, and since the hotel’s water comes from an Infernal spring anyways, we thought we might lean into the whole hot springs idea. Niffty suggested we do it onsen-style….and Alastor made his bayou, so he offered to help make it a bit more natural. I thought it would be a fun way to help guests relax and de-stress.”

“Oh that’s a wonderful idea,” he agrees. “Very pro-spa day, me”. His own bathroom was big enough to be a spa in and of itself, but he’d also recently become very fond of Alastor’s bayou as a spot for relaxing and going for a bit of a swim - they hadn’t gone on a date date outside the hotel necessarily, but relaxing in the bayou with Alastor had quickly become one of his favourite ways to pass a chill evening. He stands up, poofing himself into his usual suit and hat. “I’d better get heading, lotta stuff to do to get ready!”

“Yes!” Charlie stands up with him, her breakfast done, and pulling him into a hug. “Look, Dad, for all that this morning has been reeeaally awkward…I am happy for you two. It was definitely a surprise, haha, but I think…I think the two of you are good for each other. You’re more grounded around him…more present. And he’s been in a better mood lately too. I mean just think about how he fought all of us tooth and nail when I asked you to heal him, Niffty had to start crying before he let up even a bit and even then I still worried he was going to try and bite you or something…” She looks at Lucifer, . “That is….I am really happy you’re getting along so well and while I never ever EVER expected the two of you to wind up…together like this, I’m happy about that too. You both deserve happiness, and if you’ve found it in each other, then that’s…that’s wonderful.”

Lucifer rests his head on her shoulder, hugging her back tightly. “Thank you. You’re pretty damn amazing too, you know? I’m so lucky to have you as my daughter.” His eyes grow damp with sentiment - sure there’s been no word from Heaven re what they’re planning on doing next, or if there’s going to be another Extermination, and no one up there is returning his calls, but for right now he can let himself bask in the fact that he is rebuilding his relationship with his daughter, that she’s invited him back into her life and wants to be around him, and for all of his past mistakes….Charlie’s turned out pretty awesome.

“By the way, what are you planning on doing for your date?” 

Lucifer smiles surreptitiously and whispers it in her ear. Charlie’s ensuing squeal of delight makes him wince at its intensity, as she hugs him tighter before letting him go. 

“Oh Dad, that is the BEST idea, you are going to have the BEST time, oh my GOSH!” 

“Yes, well, I do have my moments!” He tips his hat to her. “Better get things sorted so it all goes well.”

“Yes, yes, have a WONDERFUL time!”

~~~~~~~~~~

Lucifer is in a very pleased mood when he arrives in the lobby. His lunch meeting had gone pretty well - he’s been trying to reconnect with the Sins, bit by bit, and these “family lunches” were a good way of doing it. Except he’d made the mistake of mentioning he had a date planned for this afternoon, which turned into Bee and Ozzie grilling him excitedly about the whole situation. That actually had been kinda fun admittedly, it was nice to be able to tell people about the whole….thing with Alastor, whatever it was, even if he hadn’t meant to bring it up. And of course then Ozzie had decided to be “helpful” by offering romantic advice, which Lucifer most certainly did not need -  and an offer of sending Lucifer whatever he wanted from the Lust Ring, which….okay the catalogue Ozzie had summoned had some very interesting items in it and the apple gag on the front cover had sent his brain down some very exciting directions, he has to admit. He’d poofed the catalogue into his bedroom for later perusal and made his goodbyes, promising to text them later. 

Bee and Ozzie had even promised to keep quiet about things for a bit, though after today…. a public date like this was going to be well, public, and so the deer was going to be out of the bag either way. And thanks to Ozzie, he was able to source the perfect finishing touch - in exchange for a promise to bring Alastor by for dinner sometime, which was fair - Lucifer had met Alastor’s friends, he’d met Husk and Niffty and that Whimsy lady, Alastor could meet Lucifer’s. Yes, that was how normal couples did things, right? Regardless, that is a problem for future Lucifer! Right now Lucifer is waiting in the hotel lobby, clad in his shirt and waistcoat and trying not to let himself get too nervous. His idea was totally going to work….right?

Alastor melts out of the shadows to appear at the top of the stairs, and Lucifer’s breath catches in his throat. He’s foregone the coat today, clad in his usual bright crimson shirt and black harness. For all that Lucifer said to keep tjings casual, he’s definitely gussied things up a bit - his trousers appear to be more fitted than usual, and he’s even rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, exposing the sexy ombre of his forearms. 

“You look gorgeous,” Lucifer blurts as Alastor reaches the bottom of the stairs. “Is that….is that eyeliner?” 

Alastor’s face flushes slightly, ears flicking back self-consciously. “Niffty insisted that I should get appropriately “dolled up” for my first date. She has very clear Views about these things, did you know?” Alastor’s eyes are rimmed in smoky black, a softer take on the dramatic winged eyeliner Niffty always wears. It makes his eyes look even more intense, makes being looked at by Alastor feel even more like being pinned like a butterfly on a corkboard (but in a good way) . Alastor fans his claws in front of him, and Lucifer can see that there’s a subtle sparkle to the crimson of Alastor’s nails as well. “She insisted on giving me a manicure as well. I believe this shade is called candy apple?”

“It suits you,” Lucifer agrees. “I mean, I’m partial to glitter myself…but the eyeliner especially…you look really nice.” Really nice indeed. Maybe if he asks politely, Alastor would wear it again for him. He pauses, trying to remember what he was going to say next. Oh yes, right! 

“I know bringing flowers is a first date tradition, but a corsage isn’t really appropriate for where we’re going….sooo, I got you this!” Well, he’d forgotten about flowers entirely until Ozzie had suggested it, but lucky for him Ozzie knew a lot about gardening and flower symbolism alike, and had been able to send one of his succubi to Earth for a quick assist. Lucifer summons the plant from his rooms and holds it out to Alastor, hoping that his sentiment comes through. “For your bayou.”

Alastor takes the pot from his hands carefully, his eyes going wide with surprise. “It’s a sundew!” he tilts his head this way and that, admiring the red and green foliage, ears pricked with interest. “You got me a carnivorous plant as a courting gift….” His voice is soft and thoughtful, surprise and delight and awe in his tone, and he’s smiling as always but this one is sincere and genuine, reaching to his eyes, and Lucifer resists the urge to punch the air in delight. 

“Straight from a greenhouse in Louisiana even! I asked Ozzie for a bit of help during my meeting ….I may have uhhh, promised that we’d do dinner at his place sometime in return, but it’d be just the two of us and him and his partner, really chill I promise…” He meets Alastor’s eyes to find the Sinner looking at him with soft amusement, okay wheew, all good there. “I know there’s Hellish varieties but well, I thought a carnivorous plant would fit your vibes and when I found out there were some in Louisiana…why not, right? Plus it even has tentacles, like you!” 

Neither of them could go back to Earth except under very specific circumstances, but that didn’t mean things from Earth couldn’t find their way down to Hell. Lucifer was totally fine with leveraging the whole King of Hell thing from time to time for a good reason, and as far as he was concerned, making Alastor smile was a very good reason indeed. First date step one - successful!

“It’s a very thoughtful gift,” Alastor affirms. “I love it. I’ll send it to my rooms for now, but maybe we could plant it together tomorrow? I’ll have Niffty find it some bugs to eat - my bayou isn’t quite realistic enough to have insects, Hell is bad enough without dealing with mosquitoes in one’s bedroom, but I’m sure I’ll have no problem persuading Niffty to set aside a portion of her kills for it to snack on.” He carefully slips it into shadow. “I admit as the askee I didn’t think to bring any sort of gift, but I hope my charming company will suffice?” He looks almost nervous, and Lucifer melts a bit inside.

“More than suffice. All I need tonight is your company….and a spirit of adventure,” he promises, opening a portal. He bows to Alastor, holding his arm out for Alastor to take. “Shall we, my deer?”

Alastor takes Lucifer’s arm in his, rolling his eyes as he does, and they step through the portal.

The portal lets them out at the edge of a wooded area at the outskirts of Pentagram City - the edge of Preternatural Park, where carefully landscaped gardens give way to the glitz and glamour of Lucifer’s second/third-favourite creation in Hell (after Charlie and tied with or slightly ahead of the Goetia, depending on his mood): LULU WORLD!

“Tada!” Lucifer beams, arms flung wide. “We’re going to LuLu World!”

“LuLu World….” Alastor murmurs, taking in the sight.

From this vantage they can see the whole of the park: eager visitors entering in through gates shaped like the jaws of a great golden serpent, the serpent’s body twining around to form the outer walls of the park itself, the towers and twists of the rides inside….it was one of his favourite sights in Hell. It had started as a play park for Charlie when she was a child, but after a very interesting summoning at Coney Island in the early 1900s, he’d realised that it could be even more - a chance for him to be inspired by the same humanity he’d sought to inspire so long ago. A chance to take that inspiration and use it to turn his creativity towards a better (and less depressing) purpose. A chance to fulfill his original purpose - to dream things and make those dreams come true, to create things that brought joy, to use his creativity to make others happy for once. He might be stuck here in Hell, and Sinners were stuck here on their own merits (deserved or not) but the Hellborn themselves weren’t, and didn’t they deserve some joy and fun of their own? Those dreams (and a lot of trying to overcome his own depression and anxiety via crafting) had led to LuLu World!

What had started as a petting zoo and playground for Charlie had quickly grown to become the largest amusement park in all of Hell. The Sins themselves had quickly gotten on board with the idea, as excited about it as Lilith had been dismissive, making versions of it for their own rings, verging from the creative (Satan’s Rip Roarin’ Retribution Rodeo Ranch) to the offensive  (Mammon’s low budget ripoff of a safety nightmare that was Loo Loo Land), but his was first and still the best. 

What could compare to the splash-tastic terror of the Pandemonium Plunge watercoaster, the gleaming steel rails of the Hellfire 360 rollercoaster (now with extra fire!), or the haunting horn of the Spook-o-Rama Ghost Train? Or the Apple-tastic ferris wheel, where riders could climb inside crimson apple-shaped carriages to get the perfect view of the park (and the sunset fireworks)? And who wouldn’t want to visit the gleaming waters of Lake Lethality, where guests could paddle around in the cutest duck boats ever? And at the center of it all, Castle Circus - Hell’s biggest big top and home to the best circus show ever! 

“I wanted our first date to be something magical,” Lucifer explains. “Some place we can have fun together - we can ride the rides, eat horrible greasy fair food, laugh at the stupid faces people make on the rollercoasters, get terrible kitschy souvenirs….” He laughs self-consciously. “Okay, I admit it, some of this is totally me showing off. I made this park as a way to bring joy to people in Hell, to make things less shitty for the people down here, Sinners and Hellborn alike. And I am proud of what I made, and you know I like showing you things I made. And I know it’s not quite the same, but I remember you telling me about going to the traveling carnivals with your mother, and I thought maybe I could bring you some of the same joy.”

Alastor’s smile softens. “I am not a sentimental man, Sire….and yet, despite my every attempt,  you somehow manage to make me feel that way entirely too often.”

“Don’t worry, it will be our secret,” Lucifer promises. “You can be the big bad Radio Demon in public and scare the pants off of everyone to your heart’s delight. No one gets to know about your gooey interior but me.” He winks broadly, his tail sneaking out to gently pat the back of Alastor’s slacks, right where he knew Alastor’s tail was carefully hidden under the fabric. 

“Keep that up and the only gooey interior we’ll be seeing is yours when I decide to devour your liver as an appetizer,” Alastor threatens, but he’s laughing as he does.

“Mi liver es su liver, baby. I’ll even get us a nice Chianti to go with it,” Lucifer teases back. He knows Alastor isn’t really serious about eating him - the furthest they’ve gone in that direction has been some recreational blood-drinking and ahem….eating of a more metaphorical sense, but he also knows full well he’s dating a Cannibal and that threatening violence is one of the ways Alastor flirts. 

And see, this is something about Alastor that he loves , something that he can’t really explain to others, because they never see this side of him. Lucifer is pretty sure that he's the only one (aside from Niffty and Rosie and maaaaybe Husk once in a blue moon) who Alastor ever lets close enough to see this side of him. It takes trust, and Alastor isn't one who trusts easily, for good reason, but getting close to him sometimes feels like trying to find your way through a maze blindfolded. A maze with big scary monsters and deathtraps and big rolling rocks. Except somehow he managed to find his way through anyways, quicker than either of then expected, and it feels like a gift to be allowed this close. 

Sure, Alastor is totally the big scary Radio Demon, oh undoubtedly, and Lucifer would be lying if he didn’t admit that the whole ‘tentacle kaiju” aspect wasn’t a massive turn-on, but underneath….underneath, Alastor is a man who loves things with a fierce passion akin to Lucifer’s own. When he got going about something he liked, or some of his happy memories from his time on Earth….Lucifer could sit and listen to him for hours. In fact, he had - he’d been completely honest earlier when he’d expressed his fondness for just spending time together. Sure the sex was fun, but what had made him realise that he might actually like like Alastor had come a few days later, when he’d encountered Alastor in the music room late at night. He’d stood there listening as Alastor played a soft jazzy tune, oblivious to Lucifer’s presence, and when he’d stopped, Lucifer had complimented him on his music. And maybe he’d caught Alastor in a rare good mood that night or something, he wasn’t sure. But he’d grown addicted to his regular Radio Demon infodumps - of moments just the two of them, sitting somewhere as Alastor went on about a particular music piece he was fond of, or what it was like to see some of the early jazz greats in person. And Alastor had proven willing to listen to Lucifer in return! He’d listened to Lucifer go on for hours about his rubber duck collection and sure he’d made some snarky comments, but they were intended to amuse, not hurt, and more importantly….he’d listened. 

And then one night they’d been in Lucifer’s rooms, Lucifer working on a new diorama for his ducks, Alastor restoring a new cathedral radio for his collection as Alastor explained that he didn’t dislike circuses per se, he just found Lucifer’s insistence on circus-themed decor as a primary decoration motif to be tacky and overpowering, but going to the carnival with his mother had been one of the bright spots of his childhood. 

“It was a different kind of carnival than Mardi Gras, you have to understand,” Alastor had explained. “There were a few that came throughout the year, but there was this one traveling show in particular, the Rogers Family Carnival, and they would always come around Halloween, right around my birthday. When the carnivals came to town, the whole parish went - rich, poor, everyone turned out to see the show. Maman would save up so the two of us could go together - and when I got old enough to do odd jobs for the neighbours, so did I.” He’d sighed happily, his shoulders relaxed, and it had made Lucifer’s heart melt at the sight, to see Alastor so unguarded and at peace like this. “You should have seen it! The lights, the music, the spectacle - they had rides, and a real carousel, and the acrobats….and they had these trick riders - two real cowgirls from Arizona they said, and they’d do the most amazing stunts on their horses. At the time, it was the closest thing to magic I’d seen - until I got my first radio, that is. I found the showmanship inspiring.” 

Alastor had sounded so happy, telling Lucifer about his trips to the carnival with his mother, about the rides and the shows, and about the time he gave his maman a fright by accidentally concussing himself trying to recreate some of the tumbling at home and deciding to stick to juggling instead. He’d gotten quite good at it apparently and in his busking days before his time on the radio had even learned to juggle and play harmonica simultaneously, which Lucifer had then asked for a demonstration of…..it had been a really nice evening, and he hadn’t forgotten how happy Alastor had sounded, the wistful tone in his voice as he talked about what Lucifer suspected were some of the few truly happy memories from his childhood. 

“You sounded so happy, talking about going to the shows with her. I know it was Your Thing, but maybe….maybe this could be Our Thing? Or at least, something we can do together?” He snaps his fingers, and they’re now both wearing two golden wristbands promising the bearers unlimited rides, food, and drinks. “An all-access pass for both of us. Whatever we want to do, we can do it. Just name it.” 

“It’s a wonderful idea! I haven’t been to a carnival since I was on Earth, unless you count Cannibal Town’s annual harvest festival, and this is certainly grander than that, though less bloody and much more commercialised.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “But the company certainly makes up for that, and I appreciate that you’re pulling out all the stops. I’ll not have it be said that I’m a cheap date.”

Lucifer smirks. “Sin of Pride, darling. I’ll not have it said I don’t know how to show someone a good time…not that I need a theme park to have a good time, I’ve got Hell’s best ride right here with me 24/7.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively, earning him an eye roll and a playful shove.

“You’re incorrigible,” Alastor mutters, but there’s affection in it. 

“You like me that way,” Lucifer counters, and Alastor doesn’t protest. “Besides, royal prerogative - it’s my park, I get to do whatever I want. And what I want….” He leans in, stealing a teasing kiss from Alastor before pulling back and smirking. “Is to show you around the park. To show you off. If this is going to be a big public thing….let’s make it the two of us having an absolutely spectacular time together, and hang anyone who disagrees.” Taking Alastor’s hand in his, he leads them down towards the entrance to the park. 

Alastor laughs, entwining his fingers with Lucifer’s as they stroll along. “I like the sound of that. If we are to be public about….about us, I suppose, why not make a splash?” He laughs. “Better to make headlines for something you’re proud of.”

“Exactly! And I am very proud of you, my deer.” The comment about making headlines reminds him of something else. “Oh I almost forgot! As an extra bit of good news - we are about to enter a one hundred percent Vee-free zone! This whole park is warded against the Vees - if they even try to come in, they’ll just bounce off the wards like a pinball!” He makes a hand gesture, mimicking someone bouncing off of a wall, complete with “boingggg!” sound effect. “Not like anyone here would mess with us anyways but those three pests definitely can’t, I’ve made sure of it. And the best part is, they can’t even say I’m being petty or fighting your battles or something because it’s their own fault!” He laughs gleefully, swinging Alastor’s hand in his like an excited teenager as they make their way down toward the entrance.  “You know how Valentino was banned from the park after I found out from Angel he’d snuck in and filmed an unauthorised porno, right?”

Alastor blinks. “No, I somehow must have missed that particular bit of gossip, I admit. I tend to tune out the moment Angel starts talking about anything involving his line of work. Otherwise he says things that put mental images into my brain I need to drink to forget, and I’d rather spare my liver and my brain cells the stress.”

Lucifer nods. He has to give him that - Lucifer is only usually halfway listening to those discussions himself but the phrase “sucking off a dude dressed as a knockoff Sunny the Duck” had managed to catch his attention and from there, Lucifer had to be talked down from storming over to Vee Tower to sort things out himself. Sure Pippin the Apple was Lulu World’s main and most famous mascot, but where would he be without his bestest best friends, Sunny the Duck and Wiggles the Snake? And if Lucifer had maaaybe based Sunny off of his own more eldritch-looking form a bit, well, it was his theme park, he could do what he wanted. So in the end he’d decided to hit them where it would really hurt - a copyright infringement lawsuit. 

“Well now that LooLoo Land burned down, and he’s down cashflow from the whole Fizzarolli thing, Mammon was way more willing to settle the copyright infringement lawsuit I had against him, so now I can sic my best lawyers on the Vees instead!” He laughs. “Samigina can trample all over them, haha.” At Alastor’s blank expression, Lucifer explains. “One of the Goetia. She has sort of….bird-horse vibes, but bitty. Like, shorter than me even. Great lawyer though! Absolutely cutthroat.” He shakes his head, bringing himself back to his original point. “But anyways, the park is now an entirely Vees-free zone, as is anything else owned by the Crown. Like the hotel! People’s phones will still work but the drones will just burn to a crisp if they try to fly over the park.” He shrugs. “Besides, Vox himself has been banned from the park since the 1970s.”

Alastor’s ears perk up at that. “He has?” He sounds absolutely delighted, as Lucifer expected he would. 

Lucifer grins wickedly. “He came to the park and hung around after closing - he must’ve hid in the wires or something to avoid the ‘everybody out’ sweeps. They found him in the shark tank the next morning, wearing only his boxers, high off his ass trying to cuddle the sharks.” Lucifer’s voice changes to a mimicry of Vox’s, tone extra pathetic and slurred. “You understand me, Mister Chompy, don’t you?” He laughs, his voice returning to normal. “He got permanently banned from the park, and we billed him for all the cleanup. Do you know what cocaine does to hellsharks? Not pleasant - I’m surprised he didn’t get himself eaten.” 

“It would have saved us all a great deal of hassle if he had, but perhaps he was too pathetic and unappealing for even them?” Alastor jokes. “Or perhaps it was professional courtesy. Either way, I do wish I could have seen that….”

“Oh you can!” Lucifer promises. “I saved the security footage. Partially as blackmail material just in case, but mostly because it’s fucking funny. He was so pathetic when they dragged him out of the tank….it’s a really good pick-me-up!”

“And you haven’t shown this to me already? Darling, I’m wounded…” Alastor pouts, mock-offended. 

“I’ll show you later, I promise.” They make their way to the gates of the park itself - there’s a line of Sinners and Hellborn alike waiting to get in, but the crowd parts in front of them in a flurry of “no, please, go ahead!” and they find themselves at the front of the line in no time at all. 

“Welcome to LuLu World, the Most Magic-tastical Place in Hell…please put your wristbands under the scanner….” the ticket-taker drones.  Lucifer and Alastor dutifully hold their wrists out for scanning. The scanner immediately starts beeping in an alarmed tone and the teenage imp looks up from their cellphone, crimson skin going sickly pink in alarm under their mop of messy bangs. They get to their feet, stumbling as they try to bow and salute simultaneously, almost knocking over their chair.  “Y-your majesty! And the…..and the Radio Demon! Oh wow! Uh….welcome to the park, your Hell-ness-ness! If there’s anything you need, just let any of us know!”

“Oh thanks! Uh….” Lucifer leans in to read the nametag on the imp’s shirt. “Schmebulock. Huh, Schmebulock, that’s a neat name. I used to know a Schmebulock….weird little dude. Good at poker. Say there Schmebbers, can we get one of those little maps there? Thaaaanks.”

The teenager hands Lucifer a folded paper map of the park, hands shaking with nerves. Well royalty would do that for you. “S-sure thing, your highness! You’re good to go on through - have a magic-tastical day!” 

“You too, Schmebby!” Lucifer calls back as he leads Alastor through the gate and into the park, waving cheerfully. What a nice kid. 

“Why do we need a map? Surely you know where everything is…”

“Because look how cool they are! I did the art for them myself - see, there’s little drawings of all the park mascots! There’s Pippin the Apple and his bestest best friend, Sunny the Duck, and Buddy the Goat-Dragon, and Wiggles the Snake, and Dandy the Lion and Lucky the Bat….” He points at the drawings of the park’s mascots as they gambol around the different regions of the park. “All designed by yours truly!”

“How….fascinatingly saccharine,” Alastor deadpans.  “Interesting…the goat-dragon bears a remarkable resemblance to Charlie’s pet back at the hotel.”

“Oh! Yeah well this whole place started out as a playground for Charlie, and she had a Buddy plushie she loved so much, I decided to make her a pair of real ones! I’d made the plushie to begin with, so a little whap-bam-boom-alakazam and tada, Razzle and Dazzle! Buddy was always her favorite…a lot of kids like him.” Lucifer points at the performer in Buddy’s mascot suit who was currently breathing fire in a variety of shapes for an admiring audience. “My favorite’s always been Sunny the Duck though - look at his cute lil wings!” 

“I never would’ve guessed,” Alastor teases, examining the map more closely. “I suppose Wiggles the Snake does look quite endearing I admit - it’s impressive how you’ve managed to draw such expression onto her face - she looks as charming as her inspiration.” He trails his fingers along the snake around Lucifer’s hat and Lucifer shivers. Too many people wrote Vesper off as just a decoration for his hat, but she was far more than that - he’d taken the broken remnants of his halo and healed them, bringing them to life. She’d started out as a broken part of his soul but now was something more than that - part of him, but a part with her own mind and thoughts, almost like a familiar. She rears her head up to sniff Alastor’s hand affectionately, and Lucifer smiles. He can feel the ghost of Alastor’s touch as he strokes Vesper, feeling echoes Alastor’s touch as Vesper leaves his hat to coil affectionately around Alastor’s arm like living jewelry. 

“Well she finds you charming as well. Both of us do.” Alastor’s hand is still in his and this is so wonderful, they are flirting and having fun and they’re only just getting started, this was the best idea ever. Lucifer spots a stall selling souvenir hats and shirts and gets a brilliant idea, poofing himself into a Sunny the Duck hat and matching LuLu World shirt. “Oh Look, they have all sorts of hats and shirts…” He gestures to himself. “We could match!”

Alastor’s ears go flat at the suggestion. From the look on Alastor’s face, Lucifer might as well have asked him to start stripping in public. “Your current attire already has me reconsidering being seen in public with you, if I were to wear anything remotely similar, all of Hell could reasonably assume I’d completely lost my marbles.”

“But we could maaaatch,” Lucifer sing-songs, trying to be convincing. “Couples outfits are totally a thing these days!” 

“And if you try to put me in one, the designation ‘couple’ will no longer apply to us, rendering it a moot point.” He looks at Lucifer, an exasperated expression on his face. “I’m not opposed to dressing in a complementary fashion, particularly if it involves you dressing less like a circus clown, but I would insist on picking what we wore. I have my standards, and it would take far more than your considerable charms for me to subject myself to the concept of a novelty hat.” His ears are in full on airplane mode now, and Lucifer should back down but he’s so fun to tease like this he can’t. 

“Well how about a shirt? Look, there’s even ones in black….there’s that cute one with ducks dancing around a pentagram to summon a loaf of bread, that’s macabre enough for your taste, isn’t it?”

“It’s marginally less offensive, but the answer is still no.” He’s glaring but he’s still holding Lucifer’s hand, so he can’t be too upset, right? “I wouldn’t object to you wearing it, however….”

Lucifer does already have that shirt at home, albeit on a white background - it was one of his designs after all - and he could change his shirt, he supposes…. but he likes this shirt, likes how it shows off the LuLu World logo he designed himself, likes the cute little image of Sunny the Duck on the back….and besides, pink looks good on him. “How about a deal - you like deals, I know you do, don’t deny…Indulge me, wear one of the shirts for me, just for today….and you get to pick an outfit for both of us next time we go out,” Lucifer suggests, looking at Alastor in what he hopes is a seductive way. 

“Hmmmmn….nope!” Alastor’s grin is teasing, as he pretends to consider it before laughing in Lucifer’s face. “How about a counteroffer - I stay dressed as I am, and despite the terminal kitchiness of your current attire,  I do you the great honour of letting myself be willingly seen in public on a date with a man who has deluded himself into thinking fluffy duck hats are even remotely fashionable.”

Lucifer tries to think of another incentive to offer - Alastor usually responded well to bets or bribes, but he was holding firm. Curse his willpower. “Fiiiiine,” he mock-pouts. “Shame, you’d look really cute in one of those hoodies with the little wings on the back.”

“Never going to happen, Duckie,” Alastor smirks. “Unlike you, I actually have a sense of taste.”

Ohh is that how he’s gonna play it? Well two can play at that game. He pulls Alastor down, leaning in so his lips are right against Alastor’s ear. “Funny, you’ve always seemed to be rather fond of how I taste.” His voice is low and teasing, and Alastor’s ears immediately shoot up in surprise, a faint flush colouring his tawny cheeks. Haha, gotcha!

“This is neither the time nor place for that,” Alastor mutters, recovering his composure, but the faint hint of a blush still remains on his face. “Where should we start?”

Lucifer points at a cute duck-shaped sign that says “This Way to the Duck Boats!” in shiny gold lettering. “I really would love to go for a ride on the duck boats with you - we can paddle around Lake Lethality and spend time together….it’ll be fun! And we can see what interests us on the way there?”

“That sounds fine enough,” Alastor agrees. “Lead on, my dear diminutive despot.” He smiles, holding out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion, and Lucifer takes it, entwining their arms and their hands. 

Lake Lethality is located in the“Critter Corner” part of the park, and Alastor is just as eager as Lucifer to check out the different animal exhibits. The moment Alastor sees the sign for “Hell’s Coolest Reptiles”, he drags Lucifer over as if jet-propelled, and Lucifer is treated to the absolutely heart-melting sight of Alastor cooing over baby hellagators the way others would coo over puppies. Lucifer can’t deny, they are very cute, all big eyes and itty bitty fangs, and they seem to recognise a kindred spirit in Alastor, chirping up at him as if begging for treats. 

Normally it costs $50 to get a chance to cuddle one of the babies (plus optional commemorative photo), or $100 and several signed liability waivers for a photo with one of the adults, but hey, he’s the king, it’s his park, he gets to do what he wants, and what he wants is to indulge Alastor. A few words in the right ear and Alastor winds up being the reptile show’s special guest of the day, the lucky attendee who gets to toss chicken pieces for Big Momma to snatch out of the air in front of an excited crowd, while Lucifer looks on in adoration. But even better are the photos: Alastor’s aura only breaks cameras if he wants to, and he is perfectly capable of turning off the effect if he feels so inclined, which he does, at least for Lucifer’s camera, which is how Lucifer winds up with several adorable photos on his phone of Alastor cuddling the park’s hellagators, including one of him covered in baby hellagators, all of them eager for pats. Alastor looks over the moon as the six-legged giant reptiles all go gooey for him like big puppies, from the bitty babies to the big, battle-scarred adults, all eager for attention from their new best friend. There’s so many gators that it takes Alastor and his shadow and his tentacles to cuddle and cosset them all sufficiently, and it turns into a big cuddle puddle of deadly reptiles and even deadlier Radio Demon. It’s heart-meltingly adorable and Lucifer makes a note to give Alastor the name of the breeder down in Greed where the park got theirs from, in case Alastor wants a few for his bayou. 

Alastor is delighted by Claymore, the reptile house’s gigantic alligator snapping turtle, applauding eagerly as Claymore breaks a hambone in half during feeding time. Smiling, he explains to Lucifer his fondness for their Earthly cousins, and the time he’d tried to keep one in a washbasin as a child, which had lasted less than a week before his mother had found out and made him return it to the bayou from whence it came, much to his dismay. 

Alastor is clearly very fond of reptiles and frogs, and full of stories about his experiences with them during his time on Earth, and Lucifer is eager to listen, his heart melting at Alastor’s enthusiasm. The rest of the reptile exhibit goes pretty well, except for the escaped albino gecko that somehow manages to fall off a terrarium and onto Lucifer, tumbling down inside Lucifer’s shirt and leading to some very frantic patting and yelping until he’s able to remove it from his person. Alastor of course finds the whole thing hilarious, the little shit, but Lucifer is eventually able to grab it and give it to a keeper to be returned to its enclosure. And he was even able to sort it out without needing to take off his shirt, go him!  

They both decide to pass on the exhibit next door - “Hell’s Creepiest Spiders” - though Alastor gets some mild ribbing in there too. “I thought every part of this park was made to bring joy?” he echoes.

“Yeah well just because I made it doesn’t mean I have to like it…or go inside,” Lucifer mutters. “But there’s plenty of other folks who do….Zestial told me once it was his favourite part of the whole park. He’s got a picture of himself cuddling one of the Giant Attercops, it’s in his library.”

“I think I’ve seen that photo - the last time he hosted an Overlord meeting he insisted on showing everyone his menagerie. He’s quite proud of his fire-breathing tarantulas.” Alastor shudders. “And to think I used to complain about having to check the house for brown recluse spiders…”

Lucifer shudders in response at the thought. “Oh yeah, those. One of Satan’s ideas, not mine - he said they’d be useful for brush clearing but I think he just really liked the idea of corgi-sized, fire-breathing spiders, and well, he sounded so excited by the idea, yaknow?” The Sins had been largely left to create and fill their respective Rings on their own - they weren’t as powerful as Lucifer himself but they were still imbued with the same echoes of creation magic, and early on he’d been happy to lend of himself to give their dreams a little extra oomph. Even if said dreams involved giant tarantulas.

“So are all of the animals in Hell your handiwork?” Alastor asks, as they pass by the petting zoo and its sign inviting visitors to “Come meet our new umbrella cockatoo! (Safety gear recommended)”. “There certainly seem to be quite a lot of similarities with those on Earth, albeit adapted for a far more dangerous environment..”

“More or less? It was mostly either me or the Sins or both, at least at first, and then natural selection kinda took it from there.” Lucifer agrees, wiggling a hand. “No idea about the giraffes - they just kinda showed up one day, no clue where they came from. Or the pelicans: I don’t know who made those creepy fuckers but it wasn’t any of us.” He was the King of Hell, he was afraid of very few things - but pelicans looked at you like they were trying to size you up for a snack and it creeped the hell out of him. “And then Leviathan had to go and “get inspired” and make “pelicanseals” and give one to Mammon as a pet….because YES let’s make extremely long-lived pinniped/eldritch monstrosity hybrids and give them WINGS and the urge to shove everything in their mouths….” He shakes his head ruefully. “Mammon loved it, named it “Norman” and brought it to meetings for ages, fucker kept trying to eat my hat…” 

“Perhaps it was offended by your terrible fashion sense?” Alastor suggests, laughing at Lucifer’s grumbling.

“Yeahhhh you say that but you’ve never met Mammon, his whole schtick is “creepy giant spider clown thing”, I don’t think anyone would consider that fashionable. So if it was just tackiness he’d be first on the menu and instead the thing snuggles up to him for treats and pats like a puppy. I think it just likes to hang around and creep everyone else out…..like pet, like owner, I suppose.” 

It’s nice walking with Alastor like this - hand in hand, fingers twined, showing him around the park as Alastor asked questions about the design or made catty comments about the rides or the fairgoers….the self-conscious part of his brain was almost shutting up for once - or at least it was a lot quieter than usual. For the most part they’d been left alone - the park is crowded as ever, but there always seems to be plenty of space around Alastor. He’d heard a few exclamations of “Oh hey it’s the king - oh FUCK, it’s the Radio Demon!” and he’d even gotten one or two people waving at him, but for the most part, other guests had given them a wide berth and not interfered or said anything. Alastor had taken it in stride as if he’d expected nothing less, and Lucifer had to admit that it’d eased his nerves a decent amount as well. Sure it was out of fear of Alastor than respect for Lucifer most likely, but at least it had the side benefit of ensuring they could focus on each other and enjoying their date.

Lake Lethality is a popular part of the park: it’s got its own small waterpark, as well as the closest thing Pentagram City has to a beach within city limits. They pass by a group of Sinners suntanning in lounge chairs (he’s not sure why tanning is still a thing in Hell, but vanity gonna vanity, he supposes), and the lazy river, full of guests relaxing in floaty tubes (that he can understand, that looks way more fun). “You know, if you wanted to ride one of those, we totally could,” he offers, pointing at one of the waterslides. There’s a long line of folks in swimwear out front, all holding inner tubes as they wait for their chance to slip and twist and spiral down the Malelstrom’s tornado-shaped plunge. “I can poof us into swimwear and poof us back into our regular clothes when we’re done.”

Alastor laughs. “I’ll pass…I’ve seen what you consider appropriate swimwear.”

Lucifer smirks. “Like you’re one to talk, mister ‘I wear a t-shirt and shorts to an indoor pool’.”  The hotel pool was a popular spot for staff and guests alike, and when Charlie had suggested a “Yay we survived!” pool party, Lucifer had portaled down in what he’d worn to the last pool party he’d been invited to: flip-flops, duck-shaped arm floaties, and a matching duck-themed swimsuit that he thought made him look rather handsome. Except the last pool party he’d been at had been at Bee’s and he’d been in his ‘party away his bad feelings’ era so, and so he’d received a startled “What in the blazes?” from Alastor, a thumb’s up from Cherri, and a wolf whistle from Angel Dust (whose micro-bikini covered far, far less than Lucifer’s own). 

“It’s called a bathing costume, and it was far more appropriate for mixed company than your….what did Cherri call them? Budgie smugglers? An amusing name, though I don’t think that was quite the type of bird you were hiding behind that garishly-printed spandex.” Alastor smirks, sliding his arm around Lucifer’s waist teasingly before going back to holding hands as before. 

Lucifer smirks in return - he likes holding hands with Alastor, but he has zero problems with him sneaking a bit of a squeeze. He returns the favour, pulling his hand away and sneaking a brief, teasing grope of Alastor’s ass before twining their fingers back together. His antics earn him a surprised blat of static as Alastor flushes briefly scarlet, but he doesn’t say anything, merely raises an eyebrow. “Good thing we’ve established your bayou as a skinny-dipping preferred zone, then, haven’t we?” Lucifer jokes, which makes Alastor blush even more.

“How about that ride?” Alastor asks, pointing at a sign. “The Lumberjack's Revenge…well that looks promising! Let’s give it a whirl, shall we?” 

Their ride on the log flume has them both smiling by the end, Alastor having particularly enjoyed the near misses where the giant spinning sawblades came within inches of shredding the riders. 

They check out the aquarium next, arriving just in time to see the afternoon shark feeding. It really is impressive to see the hellsharks dive and jump at the behest of their trainers, leaping through hoops and doing underwater barrel rolls in exchange for pieces of squid and praise from the trainers. Ducks were still Lucifer’s favorite Earth animal, but he’d gone wild over the JAWS movies when they had come out (along with half of Hell) and the shark-themed areas of LuLu World had been consistent guest favourites ever since. In fact, that gives him an idea for the next hotel-wide movie night…

“Hey Alastor, have you ever seen the movie Sharknado?”

One excited explanation later, during which Alastor expresses both his usual disdain as well as a sort of baffled curiosity Lucifer finds privately adorable, they arrive at Lucifer’s favourite part of this area of the park: the duck boats! Other places might call their waterfowl-themed paddle boats swan boats, but not at LuLu World! Swans were pretty, sure, but who would want swans when you could ride around atop a big floating duck? 

“Ta-da!” Lucifer beams, pointing at the string of bright yellow boats parked at the dock. “The duck boats!”

Alastor pauses, taking in the sight. “Somehow they’re even kitschier than I expected, but I suppose I did agree to this…”

“Yes you did!” Lucifer grins as he escorts Alastor to one of the boats. “And you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a duckie boat built for two…” he sing-songs, helping Alastor into the boat. “See? We can just paddle around and enjoy each other’s company, the pretty scenery, the nice breeze...”

“The fire-breathing seagulls mugging visitors for their french fries,” Alastor adds. “Darling, why do the seagulls in Hell breathe fire? Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I find it quite amusing.”

“Well the bin chickens spit acid and the pigeons summon dust devils, so the seagulls have to have something going for them besides being annoying, I suppose?” Lucifer shrugs. “In all seriousness though I don’t really know - the Sins and I brought some seedstock here from Earth back when things were just getting started and they just kinda developed that on their own. Probably some combination of exposure to Hell’s magic and natural selection I guess?”

Alastor pauses, considering this, before shrugging in turn. “Fair enough!”  

They paddle around the lake as Alastor asks more about Lucifer’s design work, both pre and post-Fall, and Lucifer in turn asks Alastor more about his time on Earth. It’s fun sharing stories like this - Lucifer regaling Alastor with stories of what it was like designing animals by committee (Heaven didn’t exactly have wine back then but they had been pretty plastered on nectar by the time horses got designed, yes, that’s why their bodies were so weird) and Alastor sharing stories of what New Orleans was like during the 1920s and 30s (and how Prohibition hadn’t changed things much, just driven things underground; New Orleans had always been a law unto itself).

A lovely boat, a sunny day, the best companion…this is why he loves the duck boats, they’re so fun and relaxing. Truly one of his favourite spots at the park. Which gives him an idea: the duck boats aren’t the only reason he really likes the lake, after all…

“Hey, wanna see something cool?” Without waiting for an answer, Lucifer stops the boat. He clears his throat, and a loud, haunting call echoes across the lake. There’s a chorus of surprised yelps and cussing from the boats around them but Lucifer pays them no mind. 

“If this is some sort of bizarre attempt to serenade me, Lucifer, it’s not working. Or did you perhaps accidentally inhale something you shouldn’t? Do you need me to perform the Heimlich maneuver?” Alastor summons a few tentacles, waving them teasingly. “You sound like a cow that swallowed a duck. A very annoyed cow and a very panicked duck, at that.” 

“Ohhhh just wait, Bambi,” Lucifer grins. The water underneath them starts to churn, and the nearby boats start to paddle away in alarm. Even Alastor’s ears prick in alert, but Lucifer stays calm, eyes scanning the surface of the water. The water writhes and roils and and a long, angular head with glowing yellow eyes and a mouthful of spiky teeth breaks the surface, rising up and up on a spindly scaled neck before leaning over to sniff Lucifer excitedly. 

“Oh hello there Jeepers!” Lucifer coos. “Yes, yes, it’s me! How’ve you been doing, cutie pie? Do you want scritches? I bet you do!” Lucifer starts scratching under the lake monster’s neck as she lets out several happy “gronk” sounds. “Who’s my favorite lake monster? You are!”

“Another of your creations?” Alastor asks, intrigued, as Jeepers leans into Lucifer’s touch, she’s such a good giant lake monster, such a total snugglescales this one. Alastor stands up, careful to not tip the boat, standing beside Lucifer as he eagerly examines the lake monster. 

“Nope! Won Jeepers here in a game of trans-dimensional Texas Hold’Em from a weird pyramid-shaped dude a few decades back….? ….Will something….maybe? I forget his name….but he had a cool hat!” It had been during a particularly terrible rough patch and Satan had dragged him down to Wrath to “fix his moping” - it hadn’t, but the ensuing hangover had given him something else to feel miserable about for a while - and he’d gotten a baby lake monster out of it, at least. She’d lived in the palace pond for a while but had quickly outgrown it, and now ruled Lake Lethality as the biggest aquatic monster in the Pride Ring. She was less dangerous than she looked, and loved showing off for visitors, but Lucifer still took pride in being her favourite. “Dunno where he got her from, but she’s a real sweetheart! You can pet her neck if you want, she really likes that.”

Alastor carefully leans over, and the lake echoes with Jeepers’s excited gronking sounds as she receives scritches from two people at once. The delighted look on Alastor’s face brings a happy smile to Lucifer’s own - Alastor’s eyes are alight with excitement, his shadow twining around Jeepers’ body curiously. She in turn is very interested in the shadow and soon enough the two are playing, the lake monster affectionately chasing the shadow around the boat, Alastor’s shadow growing in size and shape to match Jeepers’ scaly bulk. If the gators had been cute, this is even more adorable - Alastor has a real knack with creatures others might write off as strange or scary, and it is so heartwarming to watch his glee at seeing Jeepers chase and try to catch the shadow. 

Alastor’s laughter is real and genuine, and sure, it verges a bit on the maniacal, but that just adds to the appeal for Lucifer, really. When Lucifer falls, he falls hard - and as much as he’d like to deny it, he’s properly twitterpated about Alastor. Neither of them has said the “L” word just yet, but Lucifer knows that it’s only a matter of time on his end; he only hopes that it doesn’t end in disaster. But from the way Alastor turns to smile at him, the glow of the lake monster’s eyes reflecting in the crimson of Alastor’s own, and gosh, he is so pretty…..well, Lucifer has more than an inkling that Alastor feels the same way about him. Hopefully. 

Jeepers isn’t used to having a playmate as big as she is, and it’s adorable to watch her playing with it, the two of them chasing and wrassling like a pair of puppies. Privately Lucifer wonders if she gets tired or lonely of being the only one like her in the lake: maybe he should try and figure out where she came from and get her a buddy, or failing that, try and make one. And until then, maybe he and Alastor can come back for more playtime: it’s clearly something all of them enjoy, and while the other park guests are keeping a safe distance, Lucifer can hear excited sounds coming from the other boats.

Eventually Jeepers tires of playtime and rests her head atop the duck boat’s, her gronking noises moving more towards the ‘tired’ side of things. 

“Did you have fun playing with the shadow?” Lucifer coos, giving her some more scritches.

“The shadow certainly had fun playing with her,” Alastor grins. “It’s quite giddy from all that zooming around.” Which means Alastor is too. Alastor’s shadow is an extension of himself - capable of independent action but still an expression of Alastor’s own whims and desires (as Alastor has delightfully demonstrated on more than one intimate occasion). “That was a truly singular experience.”

“She’s a special gal,” Lucifer agrees. “And we can come back any time you want for more playtime.” He summons a nice big fish, tossing it into the air. Jeepers snatches it out of the air gracefully, her sharp teeth making quick work of the treat. She lets out one last happy gronk before diving back underwater with a splash that sends several boats rocking. The wide base of the boats prevent any from capsizing, though a few guests do get knocked into the water, oops. 

“Seems she inherited your flair for the dramatic,” Alastor teases. 

“Dramatic? Me?” Lucifer puts a hand to his heart, mock-offended, a wicked grin on his face. “Hello kettle, this is pot, with an important news update!” This sets off a roar of laughter from them both, and they return their feet to the pedals of the boat as they head towards shore.

They park their boat at the far end of the lake, which puts them by the rollercoasters, and to Lucifer’s delight, it turns out that Alastor has never been on a rollercoaster before. 

“I’ve heard of them but it wasn’t exactly the kind of thing traveling shows used to bring,” Alastor admits, looking at the coasters in what appears to be a mix of awe and excitement. “Still, the screams of the riders are appealing - I enjoy a good scream of delight as much as a scream of terror from time to time, after all.”

“Ohhh Bambi, you are gonna have so much fun!”

They start with the Midsummer Night’s Scream, and by the time they get off, Lucifer realises he’s created a monster. He should’ve realised that Alastor had adrenaline junkie tendencies- the man is always looking for that next reaction, the next sensation, the next way he can push buttons or get some sort of response or sensation out of someone. Heck, Lucifer is reasonably sure that is a key part of what Alastor gets out of their sex life - he likes pushing Lucifer’s buttons in and out of the bedroom, and is always so delighted when he can reduce Lucifer to a quivering, exhausted wreck (to be fair, Lucifer also enjoys that aspect a great deal).  Alastor can’t resist mocking the fact that roller coasters in Hell have safety straps but he saves most of his jokes for commenting wryly on the height limits for various rides (and Lucifer is most definitely tall enough to ride all of the rides at LuLu World, he does not need to make his heels taller to reach, that is vile slander, Alastor, VILE SLANDER!) but as soon as the rickety wooden rollercoaster plunges down its first hill, Alastor is whooping with glee, eagerly throwing his hands in the air with the other riders as the coaster whirls around the curves, always staying juuuust on the fun side of ‘is this going to collapse with us on it or not’. LuLu World has nine rollercoasters, ranging from the ‘okay for almost everyone’ Apple Zapple coaster to the ‘please sign this stack of waivers and list your next of kin’ Pandemonium Plunge and they ride them all, racing from coaster to coaster as they ride the adrenaline rush. Alastor’s excitement is infectious, and by the time they get off the final one, the Sharktastrophe, they’re both laughing and giggling with adrenaline and glee, leaning on each other as they catch their breath.

“I have to admit, being chased by a shark would be very unpleasant, and yet, the idea of having a whole rollercoaster where the riders are being menaced by bigger and bigger sharks….that was a real gasser!”

“Well remember that movie I was telling you about, Sharknado? I watched it once on late-night tv and fell asleep afterwards and had a very weird dream about sharks chasing me, but I was flying….and then somehow there was this possum clinging onto my hat telling me to wake up…” Lucifer shakes his head. “It was a weird dream but hey, turn it into art, right? And it was a way to revamp the hellshark display too, gotta keep changing things up!”

“I still think I liked the Ouroborous the best.” Alastor pauses to shake the water out of his hair - the splashdown element of the Sharktastrophe had gotten them both rather wet. Lucifer poofs them both dry, earning him a pleased smile from Alastor. “Ahh, thank you. As I was saying, I liked the moebius strip aspects of it, and don’t think I didn’t notice how the design of the track was shaped, the way the track looped and crossed itself at such particular angles and shapes….that’s a cunning bit of sorcery there indeed!”

“Yeah well lots of people are screaming and praying on rollercoasters, makes sense to harvest some of that energy and put it towards a good use. Saves us a fortune on power bills, for starters,” Lucifer preens, a smug expression on his face. “Most people never notice the way the track forms a sigil like that, but of course you would, mister clever hooves…”

“Yes well I’m hardly most people, am I?” Alastor’s smug expression matches Lucifer’s own. “After all, I did quite a bit of research while alive, and even more upon my entrance to Hell. I daresay there’s not many other Sinners with such a grasp on infernal symbology.”

“See that’s what I lo-like about you, Bambi,” Lucifer teases, catching himself at the last moment. “You’re so modest…” He might be thinking the “l-word”, but it’s not really the time or place to say it, nope, not until he’s sure Alastor feels the same way.

Alastor laughs, apparently not noticing the slip (or not saying anything if he did), and Lucifer is about to ask where he wants to go next when there’s a sort of polite “ummmm…” sound from behind Lucifer. He turns around, and sees two imps hanging back a few feet from them. They’re waiting politely, and okay yes, this is part of being a king and being in public, and he’s generally more kindly disposed towards Hellborn anyways, after all, not their fault they’re stuck down here. He’ll be a benevolent monarch and indulge them. Putting a magnanimous smile on his face, he waits politely, an eyebrow raised invitingly. 

“Excuse me, um, Mister Radio Demon, sir?” one of the imps asks. They’re both female, one tall, one short, both clad in ripped black jeans and wearing matching LuLu World t-shirts printed with a pattern of dancing apples. Lucifer is curious as to what they want, even as he feels a little put out that they wanted to talk to Alastor and not him. 

“Yes?”  He looks at her curiously, voice tinged with a hint of menace. “How may I help you, my dears?” He’s very clearly slipped back into “spooky Radio Demon vibes” at being approached in public, but Lucifer has gotten to know Alastor well enough to spot that there’s no malice or threat to it (at least not for now). 

“Can we….can we have your autograph?” The shorter one holds out an autograph book, the kind meant for being used for the costumed characters around the park. “Me and my sister here, we’re….we’re real big fans, my husband too. He loves your theatre reviews and your music, and me and Sallie May here, well we like the music and the theatre too, but the screamin’s also pretty fun.”

Alastor brightens at the compliments, smile widening into one of genuine delight. “Why of course! Always happy to meet fans, especially ones with such good taste - tell me, which of my latest broadcasts is your favourite?”

“Oh! Well we both really liked your look back at the history of The Threepenny Opera, especially when you started singing along to the music. You’ve got a real nice voice, and I think you were right when you said Nina Simone did “Pirate Jenny” better’n anyone.”

“Ah yes, she certainly was a rare talent, wasn’t she? A pity I was long in the ground by the time she hit the spotlight, but that hasn’t stopped me from adding her work to my record collection.”

Lucifer beams. Ok he was kind of expecting the imps to want to talk to him, their king, but on the other hand, it’s also kind of cute to see people’s reaction to Alastor being ‘excited fangirling’ rather than running away screaming. It’s so sweet to see him getting to interact with his fans like this, to be appreciated for his love of music and history. Idly, he wonders if there’s an Alastor fan club and if they have t-shirts. 

“Yeah! And then the way you played the screams of that man you caught extorting folks over in Brimstone Alley!” The tall one exclaims. “You’re real good at that.”

 “Oh golly, that was great!” the shorter one agrees, a delighted squeal in her voice. “I mean we’re both assassins, usually when we kill folks it’s over too fast for much screamin’ but you sounded like you were shredding him nice and slow, really taking your time. That’s art right there. And from what I heard, sounds like he had it comin’ to him too.”

Lucifer blinks. Wait what? “Uhhhh, hold on, what? When was this?”

“Oh just a bit of taking out the trash. You needn’t worry your adorable little head about it, darling, it’s all sorted now!” Alastor pats the top of Lucifer’s head through his hat, and Lucifer glares at him. “He’d been quite uncouth to some new arrivals and a few of the girls at Mimzy’s club got caught up in it, more’s the pity. Being the gentleman that I am, I took it upon myself to teach him some manners. He may have been running the badger game, but he was a pig through and through. Still, his screams were delicious, and he made a lovely fricasee, so all’s well that ends well, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeahh we’re gonna need to talk about that at some point…” He wasn’t sure what a ‘badger game’ was, or why running one was so bad, but he was pretty sure that Alastor broadcasting screams live on air wasn’t good for the hotel’s rep….was it? Then again, these two imps certainly seemed pretty excited over it, so who knows? Still definitely something to follow up.

“Of course, of course, dearest,” Alastor soothes, before turning back to the two imps. “Sorry, miss….Millie was it? You were saying?”

“Oh I was just sayin’ that I like the way you’ve been doin’ those dramatic readings lately too.” She pats her belly affectionately. “The little one here seems to really perk up when they hear your voice doing the whole spooky gothic horror thing.”

“‘And darkness and decay and the Red Death held inimitable dominion over all’,” the taller one intones, trying to imitate Alastor’s vibes. “That was killer! Chills down my spine. Edgar Allen Poe was pretty cool for a human I reckon, but you make it sound so much cooler. Ya ever thought of reading Carmilla on the air? That one’s real nice.”

Alastor ponders it over, nodding. “That is quite an underappreciated classic, yes. I’m always open to listener suggestions if they’re tasteful, and that might be just the thing to read once I’m finished with Poe’s oeuvre.” He smiles. “Now before I forget, I did promise you two my autograph…and I think that’s fair trade for such a suggestion, is it not?”

“Yes!” the shorter one squeals, delighted. “Right here, sir. Me and my sister are here on a girl’s day out but my husband is gonna be so jealous when he hears we met the actual Radio Demon!” She hands over the autograph book and Alastor pulls a fountain pen out of his jacket, signing the blank page with an elegant flourish. “Thank you so so much!”

“Always happy to meet fans, especially ones with such nice manners,” Alastor beams. “You two have a wonderful rest of your day.”

“We will!” The shorter one grabs her sister by the arm and leads her off towards the rest of the park. 

“Thanks again, sorry to interrupt your date!” The taller one calls back over her shoulder.

“Sallie May, we don’t know it was a date….”

“They were holdin’ hands, Millie, and Sinstagram and VoxSky are already all full of people goin’ all “hashtag RadioApple” and how it’s their “new OTP”...”

Lucifer can hear the two imps arguing as they walk off but pays it no mind, turning to look at Alastor. He’s not the type to check social media (except for cute animal videos) and he definitely isn’t the type to Voogle himself but he’s glad that the overall reaction so far seems to be positive. Not that he cares too much either way but still, he’s been pleased by how people haven’t been really noticing them together so far, or if they have, they’ve kept their opinions to themselves. Another reason to be grateful for Alastor’s genteel aura of ‘don’t mess with me OR ELSE’, he supposes. 

He smiles at Alastor, who is still preening a bit after the encounter with his fans.  “Careful not to get too over-inflated there, my deer….I thought I was the one who was the Sin of Pride here?”

“It’s not overly prideful to appreciate one’s work being appreciated. Besides, me being courteous to my fans in public is just good manners!”

“As opposed to you ripping apart Sinners live on air being…..”

“A public service, in this case.”

“I don’t know, I’m not sure Charlie will see it that way once she finds out….”

“I was disposing of a thoroughly odious man who made a habit of preying on the new and disoriented in rather salacious ways. Anyone who objects to that isn’t the kind of clientele our dear Charlotte should be seeking. Indeed it may even be a boost to the hotel’s reputation, to know that it has such a stalwart protector!” Alastor places his hand on his chest in mock gallantry. 

“Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. You can’t convince me you did it out of altruism.”

“Why would I even try? I was doing a favour for a dear friend, and ridding Hell of a particularly loathsome creature, while sending a message to any who’d dare cross me. And I got a splendid meal out of it! Altruism wasn’t even on the register, just a happy side effect.”

Lucifer sighs. “Just….try not to hurt the reputation of the hotel? Please?”

Alastor hums noncommittally but Lucifer decides he will take what he can get. At least Alastor does seem to be sticking to preying on assholes, not like there’s a shortage of those in Hell admittedly, but that does make it somewhat less terrible. 

The exit of the coaster puts them firmly in the “manic midway” section of the park, an area with an assortment of smaller rides that serve as a bit of a break from the high-stakes rides while still offering a variety of entertainment.

The funhouse is amusing, albeit not for the reasons Lucifer had expected when he suggested they go inside. First Alastor comments about the hubris of Lucifer making the entryway shaped like his own face (“Is it meant to be some sort of metaphor for how Hell devours its occupants, or is it some sort of subconscious expression of a desire for cannibalism? Because if it’s the latter, dearest, I’d be more than happy to cook for you out of my private stash…”), then he decides that it’d be even funnier to have his shadow spooking people in the warped mirrors….the overall experience is certainly fun for Alastor (and for Lucifer, though he feels a bit bad for laughing), but leaves several other attendees spooked. 

Then they try the haunted house, but their relative meters for spooky and scary are set so much differently than your average theme park guest, even in Hell, that it winds up being more terrifying for the staffers than him and Alastor. He’s not sure if it’s adrenaline or the way Alastor is holding his hand or some sort of shared madness, but the first time someone jumps out from behind a fake gravestone, roaring at them and brandishing a chainsaw, Alastor bursts out laughing, and that sets off Lucifer, and it’s downhill from there. Every subsequent shock and horror sets off a fresh round of giggles, and soon they’re the ones creeping out the fright squad, rather than the other way around. Lucifer should feel bad, but Alastor’s laughter was so infectious, and the horrified expressions of the actors so amusing…..he’ll send them a fruit basket and apology note or something later. He’s sure they’re probably very scary to other people, and that they try very hard at it. Not their fault they had to deal with two of Hell's heavy hitters in a silly mood, after all. 

They try Belphegor’s Bumper Teacups next. The last time Lucifer had ridden them had been on a visit with Charlie when she was tiny, and he’d been the one driving - but Alastor insists on being the one in the driver’s seat this time.

“You don’t have any idea how these work!” Lucifer protests. “Do you even know how to drive?”

“Of course!” Alastor scoffs. “I had a car when I was alive - my very own Tin Lizzy! Used to drive maman to church in it every Sunday morning…..and ferry the occasional body out to the bayous for disposal as the circumstances merited, haha. And I’ve driven Rosie’s phaeton from time to time.” They step into their teacup (a bright red one with golden ducks on it, at Lucifer’s insistence), and Alastor immediately grabs the controls. “Ah yes, brake, accelerator, left wheel controls direction, right controls….how fast we spin, presumably? Easy as pie!”

Given how amped up on adrenaline he had been on the rollercoasters earlier, Lucifer probably should have taken that as a warning, but how bad could it be?

Five minutes (and quite a lot of property damage) later, the answer was…..quite bad, really. But also exhilarating. And chaotic. And….and really fun, he had to admit to himself. The bumper teacups were supposed to be speed limited to prevent things from getting too insane but somehow Alastor had managed to bypass the limitations and from there, well….it had gotten really spinny really fast. If the whole Radio Demon thing didn’t pan out, Alastor could have a thriving second career as a demolition derby driver. They’d spun and whirled and collided all over the track like the teacup had a mind of its own, Alastor laughing maniacally as Lucifer clung to him like a limpet lest he be thrown from the teacup due to the sheer amount of centrifugal force being applied to his body. By the time the ride ended, they were the last teacup standing, and the only one fully intact, though everyone else had been caught by the safety netting around the ride so they were mostly okay (physically at least).

“Well that was exhilarating, what next?” Alastor asks, voice and body abuzz with delight.

“Just a….just a second there, Albahaca, let me catch my breath,” Lucifer wheezes, holding onto Alastor for support. “That was….whoooo, that was intense.” He murmurs an apology to the staffers, snapping his fingers to restore the ride to its original state as they head away from the ride. “You had fun though?”

“Oh that was aces!” Alastor agrees. “What’s next on the agenda?”

“Maaaybe something a bit lower-key?” Lucifer looks around at the nearby signs. “Oh, how about this one? Pippin and Friends Helltime Jamboree? It’s musical theatre, you like that…” And it will give him a chance to catch his breath and feel like he’s not made out of jelly noodles for a moment. 

Alastor did in fact like the jamboree, though he had more fun laughing at the animatronics, calling them “amusingly horrifying” and “sure to cause some wonderful nightmares in small children” which….okay maybe probably but Lucifer has been assured that is part of a good childhood, so the fact that the animatronics are kitschy and a bit janky is part of the fun, at least from his perspective. 

Lucifer vetoes going on the Dante’s Drop ride - while it’s very popular with attendees, plummeting from a great height is very much not something Lucifer wants to experience again, been there, done that, got the trauma, no thanks. 

The shooting gallery ride, on the other hand, is much more popular with them both. They climb into a buggy shaped like a Wrath ring wagon as the ride takes them through a simulation of some of Wrath’s wilder environs, as they defend their wagon from being preyed upon by monsters. Lucifer is impressed by Alastor’s marksmanship, while Lucifer mostly focuses on pointing out details of the various creatures that jump out at them. By the time the ride ends, they've racked up a substantial score and Lucifer has been able to tell Alastor all about the different critters and how they were made, as well as get a solid rant in about how horse biology made no damn sense.

You’re a pretty good shot there, Alameda!” Lucifer points at the wall of prizes. “What prize do you want?” It’s a wall of various kitschy Wrath-themed souvenirs, from cowboy hats to miniature pistols to plush versions of the monsters featured on the ride. 

“Oh, I don’t know….” Alastor ponders the wall of prizes, before selecting a small plush cerbearus with a keyring attached to its back. “Perhaps this one…the painted blood on its fangs and claws is rather charming.” He dangles it from his finger, examining it. 

“It suits you!” Lucifer agrees. Wrath’s inhabitants were mostly Satan’s creations, but the cerbearus had been Lucifer’s idea:  three-headed grizzly bears may be incredibly dangerous but the idea was too cool to pass up, and besides, they don’t eat that many people. Usually. And the little plush versions are a popular toy throughout the rings, for Sinners and Hellborn alike. “Cute but deadly, just like you!” 

Alastor glares, static flaring around him. “I am not cute.”

“Yeahhhhh but you totally are, my deer.” Lucifer reaches up to boop Alastor on the nose, darting back to avoid Alastor’s gnashing teeth. “Adorable ears, cute little hooves…an even cuter little fluffy tail…..”

“Which you will not be seeing anytime soon if you keep this up…” Alastor warns. 

“Would it help if I added that you’re also beautifully horrifying and intimidating?” Lucifer adds as they exit the ride. “The absolute perfect package of terror and temptation….and I invented temptation, I should know.” Lucifer grins, wrapping his arm around Alastor’s waist for a quick squeeze before darting back. 

Alastor’s ears are still pressed flat back, but his expression relaxes. “Well I suppose you would be in the best position to judge….not that you usually need much tempting on my part.”

“What can I say, tall, sexy, and terrifying really do it for me,” Lucifer agrees. “You’re the complete package - and a package I happen to find incredibly appealing.” Changing the subject, he asks, “I’ve never seen you use a gun before. You learn that back on Earth?”

“Oh yes!” Alastor’s voice brightens, his ears popping up to their more typical state. “I learned quite young. It was a matter of practicality rather than sport,  hunting was a common way of putting food on the table, and we lived close enough to the bayous that I was able to catch the occasional raccoon or waterfowl to help supplement my mother’s income. And of course being proficient with a firearm was a practical skill to have in general. I ingratiated myself with more than one target by offering to take them to my hunting cabin in the bayou - imagine their surprise when they realised it was going to be a different kind of hunt entirely!” He laughs raucously. “I much preferred to use knives for the actual event of course - more personal, more polite almost. Certainly quieter. But needs must, and it doesn’t do to be too picky about one’s tools, I suppose. Why there was this one time a former beau of Mimzy’s just wouldn’t take no for an answer, and I wound up having to get quite creative in finding a way to dispose of him quietly without alerting the authorities….”

Lucifer is well aware that the man he is dating wound up in Hell for a very good reason, and very much not on the candidate list for redemption anytime soon, that under all the smiles and jokes and enthusiasm there is a man who racked up a substantial kill count before he died, let alone since. And yet, though he knows he shouldn’t find it interesting to hear about Alastor’s escapades while alive, or at least, not when said escapades involve murder and body disposal, the way Alastor tells it it’s so engaging and even funny he can’t help but laugh as Alastor describes the process of staging a scene so that it looked like the dead body had been a victim of his own illegal moonshine, right before the police arrived to raid the speakeasy, and evading the authorities by attaching themselves to a group of Christmas carolers until they were safely out of the area.  By the time Alastor finishes telling the story, they’re in front of the next ride, and Lucifer’s face hurts from grinning so hard. 

Unfortunately, the good mood doesn’t last. They exit “It’s a Small Hell After All” with Lucifer apologising and Alastor’s ears flat against his head, hair floofed like a startled cat, and a shell-shocked look on his face. “Look, I said ‘you can go on it if you want, but we don’t have to’, and I meant it!” Lucifer pleads. “But noooo, you said “well if she designed it it will be either amusingly terrible or terribly amusing, haha!” and decided to go inside….”

“Well you said that Charlie herself wrote the music for it and designed it and that she was very proud of it! Curse my morbid curiosity….” Alastor shudders, shaking his head as if trying to dislodge the memories from his brain. “I thought at least I’d find something amusing to mock about it, but there’s nothing amusing about that ride, or the song. That was worse than the blasted “sorry song”! Are you certain she wasn’t designing it as a punishment for Sinners?”

“I mean,  she was really excited to add something to the park….and she needed a project for her design class in college, and I was just glad my daughter was talking to me for once….how could I tell her no?” Alastor is glaring at him, but Lucifer can’t help it - he’d been so excited that Charlie had wanted to talk to him for once - well, briefly at least, she hadn’t wanted her dad “interfering with her vision”, but it had been a brief bright moment in a pretty rough time, and for that, the ride got to stay. “Look, this many rides, they can’t all be winners….and this one’s weirdly popular with Hellborn kids, too. It’s just Sinners it tends to leave traumatised for some reason.”

“It’s certainly horrifying, albeit not in the way dear Charlie anticipated….” Alastor smooths his hair back down to its usual state. “The song is annoyingly catchy though.”

“Well I can’t offer brain bleach but I can offer distraction in the form of food?” Lucifer offers. The food court is just ahead of them, featuring a wide variety of ill-advised and/or unusual culinary decisions, mostly involving deep-frying things that should never be deep-fried.

Their first stop is at the “Eggsplosion” stand, which proclaims itself “Hell’s best egg-themed food cart!” and “Over one hundred different egg dishes!”  As with the rides, all it takes is a smile from Alastor and everyone is more than happy for the two of them to go ahead of them in line, though Lucifer does see a few surreptitious flashes of cameras, followed by the yelps and screams as the would-be photographers’ phones catch fire in their hands. 

Lucifer eyes the menu, trying to figure out what to get. A lot of the options seem to be some sort of crepe or omelette, with options ranging from the typical (nutella, salted caramel, spinach, tomato, banana) to ones that have him boggling (why on earth would ‘scorpions and ghost pepper jam’ crepes be listed as a ‘best seller’?). Still, he has to credit their creativity - there’s things on the menu he’s never heard of, or he has but wishes he hasn’t. Despite being the actual devil, Lucifer’s never been fond of devilled eggs, and deep fried deviled eggs sound horrifying in a bad way, though not as bad as the deep fried balut he sees someone ordering. As with many other stalls, “deep fried” and “onna stick” seem to be the prevailing theme, but they’re far from the only options.

 He orders himself a paper cone of yemas, figuring that it’s hard to go wrong with balls of candied egg yolk custard, and then decides to add some “deep-fried Flæskeæggekage on a stick”, largely because the word “Flæskeæggekage” is funny to say and the photo doesn’t look too horrifying. The avian Sinners working the booth hand him his food, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find that Flæskeæggekage is essentially “bacon and chive omelette”, which works well enough he might try to recreate it at home.  

Alastor decides to try the “ultimate scorched egg” - a skewer of smoked eggs wrapped in layers of haggis, black pudding, and spicy hellboar sausage, then battered, deep fried, and covered in hot sauce. It’s not really Lucifer’s thing, but Alastor enjoys them so much, he decides to order them each another skewer. A tentative bite reveals the taste profile as “meat, meat, and more meat”. “It’s not bad,” Lucifer decides, mulling it over. “Your cooking is still way better.”

“Well of course,” Alastor smirks. “But as far as fair food goes, it’s quite serviceable, and certainly more creative than the kettle corn and candied peanuts of my youth. If you want proper blood pudding though, you really should come with me to the Harvest Festival in Cannibal Town. Ingrid has a lovely recipe for blodpannekaker, and Athénaïs’s boudin noir is absolutely delightful, though she keeps refusing to share her secret ingredient, the popinjay. It can’t just be that she only uses O-positive blood, there has to be something more… I’ll find it out someday….” he vows darkly. “But it is really quite the fete, and you’d be more than welcome, as long as you’re willing to expand your culinary horizons appropriately” 

He sounds so hopeful that Lucifer can’t resist. “....I’ll give it a go?” He offers. “When is it?”

“The next blood moon, so about five months from now.”

Lucifer makes a soft “whew” sound. A food festival run by Cannibals isn’t exactly his idea of the most fun time, but Alastor sounds so excited about it, maybe it will be fun? Maybe. “Oh look, deep fried cheese curds!”

The delicious balls of hot garlicky cheese are something Lucifer and Alastor can both agree on, and they work their way down the food stalls, trying what looks appealing and mocking what looks terrible. In a moment of impulsivity, Lucifer decides to show off how snakes aren’t the only things that can unhinge their jaws and in a move that would have impressed Angel Dust (had he been there to watch and/or make inappropriate comments), swallowing a rather large bratwurst in one go. Alastor’s eyes go briefly wide before he decides to up the ante by downing a whole roast emu leg in one go, to the amazement of several onlookers. 

The food stalls are a wonderland of the weird and theoretically edible, with such offerings as Cruel-Aid infused pickles (Alastor declares nothing that brightly neon was meant to be edible and Lucifer agrees), grilled watermelon “steaks” (not as tasty as an actual steak but actually pretty good, with some nice caramelisation), deep-fried pig ears (Alastor thinks they’re great, but  the texture reminds Lucifer of a chew toy), bacon-wrapped caramel apples (“Why is bacon on everything these days?” Lucifer asks, though they are actually pretty tasty). 

They pass by a stall offering “deep-fried lutefisk on a stick” which somehow has zero customers despite the avid antics of the sign-spinning shark Sinner out front. The smell emanating from the stall is so ghastly that even Alastor looks a bit green, which is a feat in and of itself. “Whoever invented that deeeeefinitely belongs in Hell,” Lucifer declares. “But they don’t belong selling that here.” He pulls out his cellphone and fires off a quick text to the park manager, suggesting that the shop’s proprietor be invited to peddle their wares somewhere else, for the sake of everyone’s stomachs. 

They’re both finishing off their slices of Hawaiian pizza (Hell’s Official Pizza Flavour!) and cocktails drunk out of their official souvenir LuLu World apple-shaped cups (Lucifer insisted on getting them) when the clocktower chimes a carillion and Lucifer brightens. “That means the big top show is starting soon! We should totally do that next!” Lucifer gestures over to Castle Circus, the centerpiece of the park. Part fantasy castle, part big top, its twice-daily shows were the highlight of a day at LuLu World, and they definitely had to go see it. “C’mon, we can finish our drinks in the stands, you’re not going to want to miss this!”

Castle Circus: the biggest and best circus in all of Hell! Because every good park needed a big showstopping piece of architecture, and he was the king, so why not build a big fancy castle with a giant circus big top in the middle? Disney had had the right idea, he just didn’t go far enough - but Lucifer had. The castle itself was mostly decorative, the dramatic towers and sweeping architecture there to impress guests (and store all the logistics needed to make the circus work), and at its center, the Big Top! An arena big enough to fit thousands of spectators at once, capable of adapting to just about any act or show they wanted to put on. They even rented it out to visiting acts on occasion - Verosika Mayday’s latest tour had chosen to perform there instead of the VoxTek Arena or any of the other music halls. 

The interior was a cross between circus and theatre - most of the seating was circus stands, but there were a select number of boxes for high-profile attendees, including a Royal Box for when Lucifer decided to visit. It’s this box that Lucifer opens a portal to, waving Alastor through.

“Et voila! Comfy seating, the best view of the stage, and the two of us can have all the privacy we want while we watch. Plus free snacks!” He pushes a button, revealing a well-stocked liquor cabinet and a popcorn machine. He busies himself fixing them another round of cocktails, pouring the neon-coloured liquid into their LuLu World glasses. “You might like the name of this one, Albariño - it’s called “The Royal Smile”. Gin, lime juice, grenadine…and my very own special stash of green apple Beelzejuice!” 

He sits down on the couch next to Alastor - no folding chairs or plywood stands for them, no, the Royal Box gets a comfy velvet couch complete with carved drink holders and lumbar support - and hands him the cocktail, holding his own up to clink against Alastor’s. “To a delightful date with my deerest beau,” he toasts.

Alastor groans at the pun but smiles, clinking his cup against Lucifer’s. “I’ll drink to that.” He pauses, taking a sip. “Beau….certainly a more tolerable word than ‘boyfriend’. It’ll do.” 

Lucifer wants to squee in delight, but restrains himself. Barely. It’s not like they’ve really put any sort of label on their relationship….even calling it a relationship is a big step. It started out as some sort of weird rivals-with-benefits thing then friends but also ‘friends who keep dragging each other into storage closets and bedrooms for fierce and very enthusiastic sex’ and now….well they’ve effectively announced their relationship to all of Hell now, and he’s glad he’s turned his phone into ‘do not disturb’ mode because the last time he checked his phone’s screen, he had eighteen unread messages just from the Sins’ GroupChat alone and he’s sure there’s more to come. But that’s a problem for future Lucifer. For now, his phone is staying firmly in his pocket. 

“So what do you think of the cocktail?”

Alastor takes another sip, consideringly. “You used grenadine made from actual pomegranates, so it’s not as cloying as it would be otherwise…and the gin and lime cut through the sweetness of the other ingredients. It’s not something I’d order for myself necessarily, but it’s passable. Still rather too sweet for my preferences, but then again, I find myself liking sweet things more than I used to…” His smile turns wicked, eyes glowing red in the dark of the box. “Or certain sweet things, at least…” he teases.

“Oh yeah?” Lucifer teases back, about to steal a kiss, but is interrupted by the loud opening fanfare of the big top show. Oh well, probably not the best place for an assignation. He scoots closer to Alastor, summoning them a bag of popcorn, as the show begins. Alastor lazily drapes an arm over Lucifer’s shoulders, and Lucifer takes the opportunity to snuggle closer.  

A spotlight appears, centered on a petite avian demon wearing a ringmaster’s tailcoat. Their coat is a colour-inverted imitation of Lucifer’s own usual outfit- red with white trim, over deep red trousers, albeit with much more sequins than Lucifer usually goes for. The sequins contrast nicely with their plumage, their feathers gleaming in the spotlight, iridescent black dotted with white. Spreading their arms dramatically, they bow deeply to the audience.

“My dear guests, welcome! We have tonight prepared for you the finest circus acts Hell has to offer! I am your humble host, Camio, here to lead you through an hour of spine-tingling feats of inhuman skill. Denizens of Hell, are you ready?”  

The resounding cheer echoes through the hall, Lucifer whooping with excitement and Alastor clapping eagerly. 

“Excellent! Allow me to introduce our first act. Our first act is a performer overflowing with skill and talent, a performer so impressive and yet abundant in humility and grace….I of course refer to myself.” They bow again, and the crowd laughs. “Yes, I, Camio of the Goetia will wow and astound! But first I shall need a volunteer! Yes, you, young lady there in the Lucky the Bat dress….”

Camio bids the young succubus introduce herself and where she’s from (“All the way from Dildo, goodness, that must have been a hard journey!”) and invites her to pick a card from a deck. She does, and then Camio proceeds into a very funny comedy routine where they keep attempting to draw her card, only to draw out something else entirely. 

“One of the Goetia is your ringmaster?” Alastor whispers to Lucifer, surprised. 

Alastor’s question makes sense - while it’s common for Goetia to visit LuLu World, they seemed to act like working for a living was beneath them. Admittedly not all of them did, he can see one of Gremory’s sons down in the stands, what’s his name again, Virago? Trivago? Vassago! Yes, the one who does the Pride Ring commentary for the Hellavision Song Contest every year. Then again, being a “professional personality” on TV was apparently close enough to being a professional socialite that it hadn’t ruffled too many feathers among the Goetia. But when Camio had asked to join the performers at LuLu World, Byleth had gotten in such a snit over her child doing something so declasse that Lucifer, who normally let the Goetia sort things out among themselves, had intervened on Camio’s behalf. He’d honestly expected the kid to get bored and go home inside of a month but they’d stuck it out, and he had to admit, not many were willing to make a whole career out of being silly in front of a crowd.

“They wanted to run away to join the circus,” Lucifer whispers back. “They love it here, and they love the crowds. Who was I to say no to someone defying their purpose to pursue what they love?”

“Can’t argue with that, I suppose,” Alastor agrees, leaning against Lucifer’s shoulder as Camio keeps drawing out objects that are not the woman’s card: a bouquet of flowers from behind her ear, a long line of scarves from inside their mouth, a live pigeon from inside the coat of one of the stagehands, running all over the ring in their attempt to find the woman’s card. It’s silly and slapstick and the audience loves it, and Lucifer and Alastor lean against each other, laughing at the antics. Eventually Camio declares that they are terribly sorry, they simply cannot find the lady’s card, please accept this commemorative balloon as an apology - only to stumble, popping the balloon and revealing the missing card in the process. It’s the kind of slapstick that takes real talent and timing, and it brings down the house.

“Husker should see this,” Alastor comments, as the crowd goes wild. “It’s all practical effects, no magic. I think he’d appreciate the skill, performer to performer.”

“I can make that happen,” Lucifer agrees. “Everyone at the hotel is already on the free passes list. Or I could always invite Camio over for tea sometime - they’re a good kid. Much less stuck-up than most of the birdies. They’d probably appreciate the chance to talk shop.”

Camio bows to the audience, sending the succubus back to her seat with a gift bag, and introduces the next act. “I have the honour of presenting our next act: the dynamic duo, the chaotic comediennes, yes, please give a warm LuLu World welcome to Cherry Flam Bae and Crème Bru Slay, our fantabulous rollerskating clowns!”  Two succubi in clown costumes skate out into the ring, each clad in enough glitter to blind half the audience. It’s almost like ice dancing on rollerskates as they glide and spin to the music, an upbeat dance track that proclaims “Watch me work it, I’m perfect!” 

The music changes to a bouncier track as stagehands appear out of the crowd holding wooden targets. The clowns race around the track, tossing knives at frightening speeds as they dance and twirl around each other. The knives never miss, each hitting their targets in a pop of glitter, to the amazement of the crowd. The girls slow down enough to get more props from the side of the stage, as one of the clowns calls out “Who wants some piiieeee?”

There’s a roar from the audience as the clowns toss pies at willing volunteers, still speeding around the track in blurs of glitter and neon, covering eager audience members in high-velocity cherry and custard filling without getting a speck on the track. The music gets faster, more intense as the clowns start chasing each other around the track, pulling out rubber ducks, squirting flowers, and yes, even more pies as they compete to be the last one standing. A final pie to the face leaves Crème Bru Slay as the winner of their little routine, and the crowd goes wild. 

“Let’s give it up for our marvelous mavens of mayhem everyone!” Camio crows from their perch above the ring. “And remember, you too can buy your very own official LuLu World cherry custard pie from the concessions stand just outside Castle Circus. Now available in handy takeaway packs, so you can take the LuLu World magic home with you today.” 

They stand up on their perch, arms spread wide, as the band begins a drumroll. 

“The bond between a person and their horse can be a marvelous thing, don’t you agree? Beings beings working and moving as one…determined to show off in the most spectacular way possible. And what’s better than one? How about three? Yes, tonight we have not one, not two, but three pairs of horse and rider, six brains and hearts moving and working as one.”

The lights go out, save for a single spotlight at one end of the ring. A loud whinny echoes through the arena. 

“They’re flamboyant, they’re ferocious, they’re on fire….literally! Guests of LuLu World, I give you: Bebe Bombshell and Barrelchaser! CeCe Chaos and Calamity! And last but certainly not least, FiFi Phenomenon and Phantasma!” Three imps clad in sparkly cowgirl outfits barrel into the ring astride gorgeous black hellhorses with flaming manes. “Let’s give it up for the Stampede Sisters and their equestrian excellence!”

The band begins a rousing country tune as the girls gallop around the ring, performing a stunning array of acrobatics as they use their saddles like pommel horses, flipping themselves up and around and over their horses. Camio was right, they really do move as one, swapping between horses with ease. At one point one horse is galloping on their own while the three imps form a gymnastic pyramid atop the other two horses, before the topmost sister falls into a graceful backflip as the third horse passes them, landing perfectly astride. 

“I suppose having a prehensile tail could be quite useful for this,” Alastor admits, as one of the riders uses her tail to grab the pommel of her saddle, doing a sideways cartwheel along the side of the horse without falling off or even touching the flames of her horse’s mane.

“Oh they’re very useful,” Lucifer murmurs, sliding his own tail out and wrapping it around Alastor’s waist. “Fun for gymnastics, fun for stunts, fun for….lots of things, really.” It’s too dark to see Alastor’s face flush, but he can tell it’s there nonetheless.

“It certainly is impressive.” Alastor doesn’t take his eyes off the performers, but he runs a teasing finger along the spade of Lucifer’s tail, making Lucifer shiver in delight. “Oh look, they’re getting targets out!”

The sisters are hanging upside down off the sides of their saddles, holding onto the pommel with their legs and tails as stagehands set up a series of targets around the ring. If Lucifer thought the rollerskating clowns were impressive earlier, this is even more amazing - the riders pull shining pistols out of their belts and take aim at the targets around the ring, flipping and spinning without ever missing a single shot. A target thrower launches shells across the ring and they explode into showers of glitter as the riders pick them off with devastating accuracy. 

The show is amazing - the riders finish by barrel racing through flaming hoops, and the crowd goes insane with cheering, and then there’s an amusing act with a clown and a decorated elephant where the elephant keeps stealing things out of the clown’s pockets that has Lucifer in stitches. Next is an act with a trio of wampus cats and their handler where they catch fish out of midair and jump over increasingly difficult obstacles with feline grace. The cats are followed by another set of clowns - this set more on the creepy side as they tumble and cavort around the audience, seemingly appearing and disappearing out of nowhere to the delight and terror of the audience. Another animal act after that, and Lucifer is impressed, he didn’t even know quieves could be trained to ride unicycles! The juggling act has him and Alastor cheering in delight: he’s never seen someone juggle five chainsaws at once before, let alone while tapdancing, and the fire dancers are mesmerising, using flaming rope darts almost like jumpropes, contorting and dodging around the flames almost like the flames themselves are their dance partners. There’s comedic performances too - a chorus of aquatic demons come out singing a rousing song about being professional pirates, all while very narrowly missing the audience (and each other) with their cannonballs and thrown knives. 

As a pair of imps do an impressively flashy swing dance routine using the trapeze and tightrope, Lucifer finds himself sneaking a look at Alastor, reveling in the delight and awe on his face. There’s no magic to these acts save the magic of what bodies and determination can do; no illusions, no conjuring, just skill and ambition and hard work and the desire to make people smile. He and Alastor are both showmen at heart, both loving the drama and skill and artistry, both in themselves and in others, and he loves that this is something they can both share, both enjoy together. This is the BEST first date ever, YES. 

He applauds as the dancing finishes, the two performers hopping back to the trapeze platforms, and is so caught up in appreciating the audience’s enjoyment that he almost misses the next announcement from the ringmaster.

“I have been informed we have a special guest here tonight!” Camio calls out, reappearing center ring. “Our esteemed king himself, ruler of Hell and founder of this very show!” A spotlight moves over to shine on Lucifer and Alastor. Lucifer half expects Alastor to melt into shadow and slink away (Lucifer certainly is debating the merits of doing that himself) but instead Alastor just smiles politely, softly applauding Lucifer as the rest of the crowd goes wild. Lucifer laughs self-consciously, tugging at the neckline of his shirt as the crowd (mostly) cheers for him. 

“Sire, as the ringmaster of all the rings of Hell, and the original ringmaster of this very show, would you do us the honour of joining us tonight and lead us in our grand finale?” Camio asks, voice entreating and for all that Lucifer’s been kind of a hermit for the last *cough* years, he is a showman at heart, how can he say no? Maybe it’s the lingering effects of the cocktail in his system, maybe it’s the desire to show off in front of Alastor….okay it’s mostly the desire to show off in front of Alastor….yeah he’s gonna do it.

“Well with an ask like that, how can I say no?” Lucifer replies, snapping his fingers and changing back into his “king of Hell” outfit, Vesper moving from her position on Alastor’s arm to the brim of Lucifer’s hat. His wings flare out as he flutters down to the center ring. The official LuLu World theme song begins playing, the jaunty circus march music filling the arena as the performers come out one by one, showing off their talents and joining the larger parade around the arena. Lucifer takes to the air, playing it up as he weaves in and out of the carefully-controlled chaos. A clown throws a pie at him and he catches it easily, returning it to sender in a flurry of whipped cream. He turns himself briefly into a horse, white coat and flaming gold mane, racing the Stampede Sisters through a series of flaming hoops around the arena before turning back into his usual form with a flurry of pyrotechnics. As the wampus cats enter the arena, he picks them up with ease, juggling them as if they were as small and light as KeeKee, before returning them to the floor with a dramatic flourish (and some scritches behind the ears for the good kitties).  A snap of his fingers, and he summons clones of himself in and among the creepy clowns, kitted out in their own versions of clown suits, tossing batons back and forth with the clowns and running around in such a way that he’s adding to the spectacle without taking attention away from the actual performers - the filigree on a work of art, the decorative fluting in a marching song. The crowd goes wild as he shows off, and he wishes Charlie could be here to see this, to see her old man showing off and having a fun time. He looks up at the royal box and sees Alastor grinning at him, applauding, and his heart fills with joy. As the finale reaches its crescendo in a flurry of tumbling and juggling, he fills the arena with fireworks: flaming snakes circling the pillars, sprays of flowers, the images of the park’s mascots, and at the end, a shower of golden, glittery rain that cascades down over everyone. 

The music ends in a massive finale of hammering drums and crashing cymbals as he lands next to Camio and with all the other performers, takes a bow. The crowd goes wild, and Lucifer’s heart is racing but he’s having the most wonderful time. Maybe he should do this more often! Except well….it’s fun but now that he’s landed he is a bit overwhelmed. But maybe he could do this from time to time, on special occasions. Maybe. With a chance to breathe into a paper bag afterwards….in fact, that would be a really good idea right now, where did he put the bag from his popcorn? Oh, right, back on the couch with Alastor….

But before he can sneak off somewhere to hyperventilate, he sees a familiar face running over to him. 

“OHHHHHMYGOSH, Dad you were amazing!” Charlie beams, running out of the stands to hug Lucifer as the performers and stagehands pack up the show. Vaggie trails behind her, wearing a Dandy the Lion plush backpack on her back. 

“Char-char, what are you doing here?” He returns the hug, spinning her around in delight. 

“I know it’s yours and Alastor’s date, and Vaggie and I are not interfering or interrupting at all, I promise! Buuuut also it’s been a while since she and I came here, and it’s so fun, and we do have all those free passes….so she and I decided to come here and have a day out as well. They have baby hellgoats at the petting zoo now, look, they really liked Vaggie!” Charlie pulls out her cellphone, flicking to a photo of Vaggie covered in baby Hellgoats. One of them was chewing on her ear, the other trying to eat her hair while Vaggie looks amused but put-upon. “It’s so nice to see you out among people….I know it’s been tough for you sometimes, but I am really happy to see you putting yourself out there. I think it’s good for you. Get out there, see people, let people see you….and you’ve been having a good time together, right?”

“We certainly have so far,” Alastor agrees, materialising out of the shadows at Lucifer’s side. “Your father’s performance certainly was impressive, wasn’t it?” There’s no snark to his tone, no backhanded compliment, just….appreciation, and Lucifer slings an arm around Alastor’s waist, pulling him close and earning himself a startled bleat in return. 

“Yes!” Charlie agrees. “You looked like you were having so much fun out there onstage. You should totally do some sort of circus thing for the talent show, Dad! Actually that gives me an idea - maybe we could set up some sort of gymnastics room at the hotel! Like with a foam pit and trampolines and balance beams, and even a tightrope or trapeze… Guests could learn to do fun things with their bodies in healthy ways, and the trapeze would be great for trust exercises!”

“That’s a great idea!” Lucifer beams, mentally noting to make sure that room is extra padded, just in case. “Your Uncle Ozzie is dating a clown now too, what’s his name…Ravioli? I think? 

“I think it’s Fizzarolli, Dad.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said! Maybe he could come visit and teach the guests some of his tricks, or maybe he knows someone who would…I told Ozzie they should come by for dinner sometime anyways, maybe we can ask them then.”

“I’ll add it to the list,” Vaggie says, pulling out her cell phone and typing away. “We’d better get heading though - didn’t you want to go see the bird show?”

“Oh yes, oops! Sorry, yes, gotta get heading, sorry Dad! They’ve got trained pelicanseals now, did you know? You could come with us if you want,” she offers.

Lucifer shudders. “I appreciate the offer, but I think we’ll pass. You know that I’ve been twitchy around pelicanseals ever since Mammon’s pet tried to eat my hat while it was still on my head…I think Alastor and I are gonna do our own thing. But you two kids have fun!”

“Oh, sorry Dad!” Charlie apologises. “Norman’s always so nice to me, I don’t know why he keeps mistaking you for a snack…But yes, go, have fun, I’ll see you back at home!”

“Yep, yep, have fun!” Lucifer waves goodbye as the girls head off towards the exit. Lucifer pauses, poofing himself back into the outfit he was wearing before the show and turning to Alastor.  “Sorry Alastor, did you want to go see the bird show?”

“I’m fine with skipping the bird show,” Alastor reassures. “I get enough feathers back at the hotel between you and Husker. And your plumage is far lovelier than anything on display at the park.” He drops his voice, leaning in to murmur in Lucifer’s ear in a way that sends shivers down his spine. “Besides, I’d feel compelled to defend your honour should one of the pelicanseals try to investigate your edibility. While it’s not their fault that you are indeed snack-sized, I rather think I’m the only one who gets to take a bite of this particular delicacy.”

Alastor’s comment snaps Lucifer right back out of overwhelmed and into ‘very glad he’s not wearing tight pants at the moment’, as Alastor’s comments have his blood very quickly rushing south. Lucifer’s half-tempted to drag Alastor under the stands and have a bit of a snack and a snog right then and there, but they’re interrupted by Camio clearing their throat behind them.

Turning around, Lucifer gives a happy wave at the petite Goetia. Most Goetia were built like beanpoles, but Camio was of a height with Lucifer. It was nice to not have to crane his neck to look someone in the eye for once, he had to admit.

“Thank you for agreeing to be a part of the performance, your Highness," they smile. “It’s good to see you among us again.” The turn to Alastor, smiling at him as well. “And the Radio Demon! I appreciate your recent show on the music of the Squirrel Nut Zippers, their music proved to be just the thing to jazz up a few of our acts.”

“Ah yes, I recognised their version of ‘Karnival Joe’ during the trapeze routine, that was a splendid choice. My compliments to the performers,” Alastor beams. “Always nice to meet someone who appreciates good music.” He puts his hand sideways alongside his mouth, leaning in towards Camio and Lucifer conspiratorially. “A bit of advance news then, since you’re such a fan - if you tune in next Friday, I’ll be covering the Atomic Fireballs.” He smiles, straightening back up. “I’ve decided to do a series covering some of the better acts to come out of the so-called “swing revival” and “electroswing” movements. It’s rather interesting to see how subsequent generations pick up and reinterpret the classics, don’t you think?”

“Oh absolutely!” Camio looks delighted. “I’ll be sure to tune in. And thank you again, Sire, for visiting us tonight - you are our originator and inspiration after all, and we are always honoured when we are graced by your presence.” 

“Thanks Camio!” Lucifer smiles. “And hey….you did amazing out there. You’ve really blossomed since you’ve joined the circus.”

“If I’ve blossomed it’s all thanks to the light of the Morningstar,” Camio replies earnestly. “I hope you and your companion have a marvelous rest of your evening.” They bow dramatically, spreading out their wings and shapeshifting into a small bird before flying away into the depths of the castle. 

“Soooo, electroswing, huh?” Lucifer asks curiously as they make their way towards the exit. “Expanding your horizons, good for you! You’re listening to something released this century, even! I’m proud of you.”

“You know that just because I prefer the classics doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate fresh material, Mister ‘I remember when harpsichords were the hot new craze’,” Alastor fires back. “Niffty recently acquired a record by a band called Caravan Palace, and insisted on playing it for me. She said I would appreciate their ‘vibe’, and I must admit, I found it quite the bop! And now that I’ve finished my series of retrospectives on the greats of rhythm and blues, expanding into a different genre seems like a sensible idea.” 

“Well you know how it is, zithers got bigger and bigger until someone thought “why don’t I just put legs on it?” and next thing you know all of Europe wanted one.” Lucifer laughs. “ You’ll have to play some of their music for me sometime then. I mean, if you like it, it can’t be that terrible, can it?” 

The exit of the castle puts them right back out along the midway, down near the carnival games. Stopping by a concession stand to get some popcorn and refill their drinks, Lucifer adds another splash of Beelzejuice for each of them- not enough to get either of them seriously drunk, but enough to be a little tipsy. They stroll along, looking at the various games (all rigged to some extent - it is Hell, after all) as they decide what to do next. He’s still riding that adrenaline high, still enjoying having had the chance to show off for Alastor (and all the attendees, sure, but mostly Alastor), but being onstage in front of such a crowd was still pretty overwhelming now that it was over. 

Holding Alastor’s hand like this is grounding, and it’s fun to watch people try (and fail) to beat the games. Alastor keeps up a running commentary as to what techniques the game proprietors are using to maintain the house advantage, comparing it to other sleight of hand techniques he’s seen in the past, and Lucifer relaxes, Alastor’s catty commentary about “bunco artists and their marks” making him laugh. Soon enough the overwhelming feeling is gone and they’re just two people, strolling arm in arm down the midway, having a fun evening out. 

Their stroll is interrupted when Lucifer hears a very loud scream of delight coming from further down the lane. It’s a theme park, screams of delight (and terror) are the point, but this one happens to be a very familiar scream. Standing on tiptoe, he cranes his head towards the source of the sound. 

“Oh, hey, Niffty's here!” Lucifer points in front of them, to where a small crowd has gathered around the Whack-A-Roach table. The scoreboard is dinging so fast it’s almost a blur as Niffty swings the mallet with expert precision, hitting every mechanical pest square on the head as soon as it can pop out of its hole. 

“Why so she is!” Alastor agrees. “And doing quite masterfully at the game, well done!” His voice crackles out of the speaker near the game as he waves encouragingly. “Show those bugs who’s boss, darling!” he cheers. 

“You got it, Sir!” Niffty calls back, without a break in her smashing of the artificial insects. Soon enough the timer dings and Niffty pauses, still standing atop the (now smoking) machine. 

“I say I say, we have a new high score!” the game proprietor (a gangly imp with impressive horns and an old-timey voice) announces, as the crowd breaks into applause. “That was an impressive feat, little lady! You’ve won your choice of any prize on the wall! But first, tell the audience, just how did you get so good at killing bugs?”

Niffty’s face breaks into an exuberant grin. “I’m Niffty! I work at the Hazbin Hotel - I get to kill a LOT of bugs there, heheheh,” she crows. “It’s the best!” She turns to look at the prize board behind her, before pointing at a giant plush octopus at the top of the booth. “I’ll take that one! I like the tentacles,” she giggles, and Lucifer finds himself feeling vaguely unnerved. She hops down, taking the plushie with her, and Lucifer wonders how she’s going to carry it around, given it’s bigger than she is. 

She immediately hands it off to another Sinner, who struggles under its size. Lucifer narrows his eyes - he knows that dude, he’s the new fish dude that’s been hanging around the hotel, whatshisname….Joxer? Boxer? She kisses the fish dude on the cheek, making him blush cyan and almost drop the plushie. 

“Well that’s cute…seems like we’re not the only ones on a date here.” Lucifer smiles.

“Yes, I do wonder how they got the idea to come here on today of all days, but I can’t fault them their choice of activity.”

Lucifer rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “I mean I did tell Charlie where we were going, I was so excited and she thought it was such a good idea… I did ask her to keep it a surprise for you but in retrospect maybe I should’ve asked her to keep it a secret in general?” 

Alastor sighs indulgently. “Charlie has many wonderful traits, but keeping a secret when she’s excited about it is not one of them…I suppose I should’ve expected it.”

“I mean, she and Vaggie have been here all day and we didn’t run across them til the big top show so I think she really meant it about giving us space. Can’t exactly blame her for enjoying a park that was originally built with her in mind.”  He watches Niffty toddle off towards another game, her paramour behind her, and smiles. “Not gonna go over there and give Joxer there the old shovel talk re treating Niffty right?” he jokes. 

Alastor laughs, long and loud, startling a few bystanders. “What makes you think I already haven’t?”

“The fact that he’s still at the hotel and hasn’t run screaming for the hills, for one.”

“Touche.” Alastor takes Lucifer’s arm in his, propelling him back along their original path.  “Niffty made her interest in Baxter quite obvious, and told me in no uncertain terms I was not to scare him off. And who am I to refuse such a polite request from a lady?”

Baxter! That was the name, yes. Baxter.  “Let me guess….you had Husk do it instead. ”Lucifer suspects that Alastor views Niffty as somewhere between ‘kid sister’ and ‘henchwoman’, more towards the former if he had to guess, given how he let her get away with things he’d never allow from anyone else. There seemed to be genuine affection on both sides, though you’d never get Alastor to admit it. 

Alastor inclines his head in agreement. “Husker and I didn’t scare him off. We just sat him down, bought him a drink, and explained that Niffty was very dear to both of us. And that we trusted him to treat her right. Because if he didn’t….it wouldn’t be our wrath he had to worry about, but hers. She’s quite formidable in her own right, and I’d never be so uncouth as to interfere in a lady handling her own affairs. But at the same time, Husker and I would be on call in case she did want backup, as it were. Or an alibi.” He grins at Lucifer, his teeth gleaming in the lamplight, and Lucifer laughs at the sincerity and mock-politeness in his tone. 

The use of Husk’s nickname brings something to Lucifer’s brain, and no better time to ask than the present, he supposes. “Oh! That’s something I always wondered about - why do you call him Husker when everyone calls him Husk? Is that actually his nickname or do you just do it to annoy him?”

“Can’t it be both?”

Lucifer shakes his head. “Of course it’s both, why did I even think it wouldn’t be…”

Alastor bumps his shoulder affectionately before continuing, voice low and sly as if he’s inviting Lucifer to conspire with him. “You see, darling, for all that he declares himself a Vegas-trained showman, our dear pussycat has a deep, dark secret…” Alastor pauses for effect, before announcing dramatically, hands splayed wide in shock. “He’s originally from the exotic locale known as Omaha, Nebraska.” At Lucifer’s blank look, Alastor sighs. “Otherwise known as the Cornhusker State. A flat, desolate place full of farmers and meatpackers, best suited for flying over on the way to somewhere more interesting. It started off as an army nickname, evidently, and then it just kept sticking, even after the war ended and he moved to Vegas.” 

Alastor grins widely, holding his cane in a recitative pose. “Ohhhh how you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm, after they’ve seen Paree….” he sings, a tune Lucifer doesn’t recognise but which clearly amuses Alastor. “Or Naples, I believe, in his case. Regardless, he lit out for Vegas as soon as the war ended and never looked back. And while I can hardly begrudge him for wanting to remake himself, it is amusing to tweak his tail from time to time about his more humble origins.”

“Pushing buttons does seem to be your favourite thing to do,” Lucifer laughs. 

“But of course! It’s such a reliable source of entertainment!” Alastor leans in close, as if he’s about to tell Lucifer a secret. “Besides, darling, can I really help it, when it gives me such wonderful results?” His breath is hot against Lucifer’s skin and he swallows hard, his brain going down some very diverting directions as to what other kind of fun they could be having.  Spotting a sign for one of the rides, a wicked idea crosses his mind. Turnabout is fair play after all.

“Well in that case, why don’t we try this ride?” Lucifer suggests, steering them towards a large neon sign highlighting Ozzie’s contribution to the theme park, “An opportunity for some more button pushing….or undoing…” he teases.

“Journey to Pleasuretown” Alastor deadpans. “Really, Duckie, must we? We’re hardly two teenagers slipping our chaperones for a bit of surreptitious petting...” He points at the exit of the ride, where a display screen shows photos of riders caught en flagrante by the camera at the end of the ride. “Being out in public with you on a date is one thing, but I am not an exhibitionist.”

Lucifer looks at Alastor, eyebrow raised. “You keep saying that, but the number of times we’ve almost gotten caught would indicate otherwise. Hell, just this morning we did get caught, plus there was the staff meeting the other day where you slid your Shadow’s hands into my trousers, Monday night when you dragged me into your lap while you played the piano in your music room, last week in the supply closet…need I go on?” He smirks as Alastor’s face flushes with embarrassment. “You know what I think? I think you like almost getting caught. Because almost means you’ve outwitted everyone once again, and you love nothing more than showing off how clever you are.”

Alastor’s face flushes scarlet, ears pinned back in embarrassment. “It’s not that trying to show off, it’s more…oh blast it, it’s hard to explain. You’re not wrong, but it’s not exactly that either…” He twines his fingers in Lucifer’s, mulling it over. “It’s more that….I like catching you off guard. I like your reactions when I surprise you.” A sly smile creeps across his face. “I like seeing how far I can push you, how far you’ll let me go. To have the king of Hell himself a quivering wreck because of what I’m doing….it’s quite the thrill.”

Lucifer smiles. “You don’t think I don’t get that? I like it when you surprise me - fuck, I’ve never met anyone who can catch me off guard like you can. You are an endless fountain of surprises, Alizarin.  I like pushing your buttons too - the way you make such fun noises when I have you in my lap, the way you’re such a brat but melt when I praise you…” He uses their entwined hands to pull Alastor in, doing a lazy spin under his arm before pulling him close and tucking Alastor’s arm around his shoulder so that Lucifer can slide his arm around Alastor’s waist.

 “C’mon, humour me for a moment. There’s a bar right by it: we can go and get more overpriced fancy cocktails, get on the ride…and once the lights go out, we can do whatever we want, secure in the knowledge that everyone else is either doing or thinking of something similar….but none of them will get to see what we’re up to. And I’ll make sure the cameras at the end don’t catch us, so no one outside gets a sneak peek, either.”

“I wouldn’t show up on them regardless..”

“Yes but it’s the principle of the thing, Amaretto,” he teases. Right, time to break out the big guns. He looks up at Alastor with his most tempting expression, somewhere between ‘puppy dog eyes’ and ‘sexy bedroom eyes’. “Pleeease?”

Alastor rolls his eyes, making a soft chuffing sound. “Fiiiine. I’ll indulge you.”

“Thank you, Bambi,” Lucifer grins. 

Two overly fancy cocktails and one short wait in line later, they pass through the neon ‘flames’ of the ride’s entrance and are escorted to their heart-shaped boat by a scantily-clad succubus who gives them both an energetic thumb’s up as the ride begins.

Lucifer hasn’t actually been on the ride - it wasn’t the kind of ride you did solo, and Lilith had never been interested - so he’s honestly not sure what to expect as the ride starts. Ozzie’s pre-recorded voice encourages them to “keep any and all body parts inside the ride at all times….and enjoy your journey….to Pleasuretown…”The lights dim, and they pass through neon heart-shaped gateways as the boat takes off down a slow, meandering course. 

Whatever he was expecting…it wasn’t animatronics getting it on in various positions as sexy jazz played through the speakers. The animatronics are good, it’s just what is campy and kitschy performing to music becomes surreal and circles right back around through the Uncanny Valley and into weirdly amusing when simulating sex gets involved. Animatronics dancing and singing to songs about Hell? Fun.  But a diorama of two shark demons 69ing, complete with simulated moaning seems more silly than sexy and Lucifer’s eyes are wide with amusement rather than arousal. The horrors keep coming - the next diorama has a Hellhound in a schoolgirl costume getting spanked by a succubus and the pre-recorded yelps are surreal enough he breaks out laughing, which sets Alastor off, and soon enough the two of them are giggling like maniacs at each new diorama. 

“I’m not sober enough for this,” Lucifer declares, pulling out the bottle of Beelzejuice and taking a swig. “What was Ozzie THINKING?” 

“I admit that this is….far less titillating and far more absurd than I expected!” Alastor laughs, stealing the bottle and taking a hearty slug for himself. He puts his arm around Lucifer’s shoulders and Lucifer snuggles in close, leaning his head against Alastor’s side. “Do people actually find this arousing?”

“The ride’s popular enough that theoretically somebody might…then again, maybe Ozzie figured no one would actually be looking at the dioramas too much so he might as well have a laugh about it.”  He tries to steal the bottle back so he can take another swig, but Alastor holds it out of reach, laughing. 

Alastor takes another drink of the Beelzejuice and Lucifer climbs into Alastor’s lap, pulling him down to kiss the liquor out of his mouth and okay, yeah, he’d much rather look at Alastor than whatever the dioramas are doing, who cares about animatronics when he’s got a sexy Radio Demon he’s got underneath him right now? Not Lucifer, that’s who! And while neither of them are drunk, they are just tipsy enough for a few inhibitions to be lowered, and he grinds his hips teasingly against Alastor’s, savouring the way Alastor rumbles low in his throat at the friction.

“Just to be clear,” Alastor pants, his hands moving down to grip Lucifer’s hips. “I’m fine with fooling around, but I am not fucking you on a carnival ride. I have some standards, I’m not a total reprobate.”

“Of course not,” Lucifer agrees, arms twining around Alastor’s neck. He deftly unties Alastor’s bowtie, slipping it inside his pocket before Alastor can object. “The ride’s not long enough for that anyways.” Lucifer smiles, drawing Alastor in for another kiss. Alastor’s hand moves from Lucifer’s hip to his ass and yes, a bit of fun gropery is exactly what he was looking for, perfect. The lights go off eventually but neither of them notice, too wrapped up in each other to care. 

Several very fun minutes later, the ride comes around a corner as the lights come on with a bright flash and a loud trumpet fanfare plays. They spring apart like startled rabbits and Lucifer has just enough wherewithal to disable the camera before it flashes a picture of them, whew, glad he remembered to do that. The ride comes to a halt as an animatronic Asmodeus wishes them a pleasure-filled rest of their time at LuLu World and they sheepishly scramble out. 

Lucifer does a quick self-assessment. The hat saved his hair from getting too mussed, and he quickly adjusts himself in his trousers so things aren’t too obvious. Alastor’s shirt is halfway unbuttoned, showing off an impressive amount of chest fluff, and Lucifer can see a few bitemarks from where he got a bit enthusiastic. A slight stinging feeling at his neck reminds him he’s probably sporting a few of his own. 

“Want me to heal those?” He offers. He’s not sure if they’ve reached the ‘walking around with obvious hickeys’ stage of their relationship, if that even is a stage, and while they’re likely to make front page news regardless, that’s a level of TMI he’s not quite sure about. 

“I suppose it’s only prudent,” Alastor agrees, though there’s the ghost of a pout in his features before he resumes his usual smile and jovial tone. “After all, what would the papers say?” he laughs.

“Good for us, I imagine,” Lucifer replies, laughing along with Alastor. “I’ll give you more later, if you want.” 

“Promise?” Alastor’s tone is teasing, his eyes gleaming with mischief. 

Lucifer had learned early on that Alastor was a possessive little shit, but then again so was Lucifer. He suspected Alastor acted extra bratty sometimes just so that Lucifer would mark him up, relishing the fact that he’d gotten Lucifer to lose control, while Lucifer, whose own skin could only be broken if he allowed it, enjoyed the way Alastor responded to seeing his marks on Lucifer’s skin. He’d long accepted that part of their relationship was founded on mutual enjoyment of driving the other nuts, but there were worse foundations for a relationship and hey, it kept things interesting.

 With a wave of his fingers, they’re both as un-mussed and un-marked as they’d been going in, more or less, though he leaves their clothing alone for the most part. Alastor’s bowtie is staying firmly in Lucifer’s pocket, thank you very much, spoils of war and all that, and Alastor looks damn fine with his chest fluff showing like that, and his sleeves all rolled up….he looks carefree and relaxed, and Lucifer wants to savour the moment.

“Where to next?” Lucifer asks, looking around. There’s the Sinister Slingshot, the Ghastly Galleon,  Extortionists of the Envy Oceans, the Carousel…. “

“Oh yes, the carousel!” Alastor is clearly the most excited by that option, and to be fair, it’s one of Lucifer’s favourites too. He takes Lucifer’s hand and they eagerly head off towards the glittering lights and jaunty organ music of the LuLu World carousel.

There’s not the biggest line for it at the moment, probably because there’s a competitive whipcracking demonstration going on at the same time over on one of the side stages, and watching someone use a whip to cut things in half is pretty impressive. The carousel’s loss is their gain though, as Alastor has no interest in waiting in line. “I have the best idea!” he declares, slipping into shadow and reappearing on the carousel next to a prancing 8-legged horse. “I always used to love riding the carousel,” he confesses. “Much more fun than actual horses, and the music! Oh what a delight!” He tries to stand atop the saddle of the horse and skids a bit, frowning, before kicking off his boots and climbing bare-hooved onto its back. 

“Alastor, what on Earth are you doing?” Lucifer is curious and amused, but also, Alastor has that look in his eyes that means he’s up to something, and he’s not entirely sure what it is the Sinner has planned. 

“Well, darling, you cut quite a shine earlier, and while I could never hope to match that of the Morningstar himself…..I think it’s entirely fair for me to have a turn showing off for my beau, no?” He snaps his fingers and the carousel’s music switches from a carnival march to a jaunty jive beat. “Ah, yes, this will do quite nicely indeed!” 

Alastor begins to dance to the rhythm, using the horse as his stage - a bit of tapdance, a handstand, a swing from pole to pole as he moves from the horse to the back of a giraffe, tapdancing from its tail to its head before doing a backflip onto the seahorse beside it, balancing the movement of the carousel with the movement of the animals as he cavorts and dances, using the entire carousel as his stage. There’s moves Lucifer recognises from the earlier trick riding, moves he recognises from the nights he and Alastor have danced together in the music room, and moves Lucifer doesn’t recognise but are enthralling all the same.  

Lucifer gets out his phone, switching to video mode and hitting ‘record’ as he does. Alastor might not show up on camera well, or video, but he can if he wants to, and with some experimentation (and several accidentally destroyed phones) they’d figured out a way to modify Lucifer’s camera so that he could actually take pictures of Alastor. There weren’t many, and Lucifer had agreed that they would remain for their eyes only, but each one was absolutely treasured, and this needs to be added to their number. 

It’s so fun to watch him let loose like this, not just to show off, but to see him in his element, having fun, showing off his moves…he and Lucifer are both performers at heart, and while he gets to show off his vocal skills on his radio show, he doesn’t get to show off his dance skills anywhere near as much. Lucifer vows to change that - there have to be some clubs they could go to to go dancing sometime, places with more of an old-fashioned vibe? If there aren’t in Pride, he can ask around - maybe Ozzie would know of something. 

Lucifer watches as the music slows to a sultry, jazzy beat and Alastor starts using the pole of a strutting peacock as a backdrop for moves somewhere between acrobatics and pole dancing, and Lucifer is extremely here for it.

 “Do I move you, are you willin, do I groove you, is it thrillin,” a woman's voice sings, low and sultry, and Lucifer is very moved indeed, holy fuck. Alastor is lanky and moves like he’s made of rubber, and he is putting every part of that beanpole bendiness on display here as he coils himself around the pole, wrapping his legs around the pole as he leans back into a deep back bend, his hair brushing the floor before righting himself. 

Alastor is clinging to the pole like a lover, rolling his hips to the music, his eyes fixed on Lucifer. 

Lucifer gulps, and Alastor sings along with the music, grinning wickedly as he croons “The answer better be yes, yes, that pleases me,” and Lucifer is halfway towards putting the phone down and doing….well he’s not entirely sure what, when Alastor winks teasingly at him and the music changes again, this time to an energetic swing tune, and Alastor changes his tempo and movements to match, launching himself from the lion to a reindeer to a strutting peacock, flipping himself over its plume of tail feathers as he moves to the music. 

“Holy Hellzapoppin, Smiles sure got some moves, don’t he?” comes a voice from behind Lucifer. He jumps, turning around to see Angel Dust vaulting the outer ring of the carousel to stand beside Lucifer. “Room for one more?” he calls, and leaps onto the carousel, not waiting for an answer.  

The music changes again, and now Alastor is doing the Charleston as he steps from animal to animal, a jaunty jazz beat guiding his steps. It becomes almost a friendly competition between Alastor and Angel, both of them tipsy and giggling and trying to outdo the other. Angel’s in high-heeled boots, but he’s used to maneuvering in those and he has extra arms to boot, which one might think would give him an advantage, - but Alastor is the one controlling the music, and he’s flinging himself around with reckless abandon, always on beat, always grinning like he’s having the time of his afterlife.  

“I swear, get him buzzed enough, give him an excuse to show off, and suddenly he thinks he’s Cab Calloway.” Husk pants, running up to the carousel, clinging to the outer ring as he catches his breath. “And Angel ain’t helping!”

“Was I supposed ta?” Angel calls back, clearly having fun. “Hey Alastor, bet you can’t pull off those moves to somethin’ released this century!”

“Be prepared to eat those words!” Alastor fires back, and the music changes genres entirely, an energetic percussion and guitar rhythm starting up as Alastor launches himself to stand atop a jumping blue wolf, bouncing to the rhythm as the song ramps up.

“How the fuck do you know about Kesha?” Angel yelps, vaulting himself to the top of a jumping horse.

Alastor laughs, hooking a leg around the pole as he spins around to the music. “I’ll never tell!” he sing-songs, moving from a spin into a sideways hang off of the pole and then flipping himself back onto the wolf. 

Lucifer smirks. Alastor’s tastes aren’t quite as old-fashioned as he lets on, and he’s quite fond of some modern music, though his tastes usually run more towards Lady Gaga than Kesha. Still, the shocked expression on Angel’s expression is probably adding an extra level of enjoyment for Alastor - it isn’t often that he gets to be the one riling Angel up. 

Kesha fades out, and a jaunty piano tune takes its place. Alastor swings himself to sit sidesaddle atop a reindeer, pulling the flask of Beelzejuice out of his pocket and taking a long swig. He smiles, hooves kicking joyfully in the air, head hanging upside down off the reindeer as it moves up and down on its pole, as he begins to sing along with the music. 

They’ve attracted a small crowd, but Lucifer finds he doesn’t care. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees a few camera flashes go off without any accompanying screams - Alastor must really be in the mood to show off, then. 

“Awww, this is adorable!” Angel crows from his spot atop the lion. “Lookit, he’s all tipsy and twitterpated…”

“I know for certain the one I love, I'm through with flirtin', it's you that I'm thinkin' of. Ain't misbehavin', Savin' my love for you…” his voice comes through the speakers of the carousel, radio filter almost entirely gone, voice low and syrupy and sincere, and Lucifer melts. He loves this man, and fuck it, he doesn’t care who knows it.  Well, why not give them something more to talk about?

“Here, hold this, and keep filming,” Lucifer says, handing Husk his phone as he leaps onto the carousel, stealing the bottle from Alastor and taking a sip before disappearing the booze back to his private stash. “May I have this dance?” he asks, giving a sly half-bow.

“If you think you can keep up with me,” Alastor laughs, sitting up as his eyes lock on Lucifer’s. A snap of his fingers and a swingy brass tune starts up. Lucifer recognises this one - good ol’ Benny Goodman. 

“Don’t I always?” Lucifer smiles, pulling himself up onto the reindeer beside Alastor, and then the game is on. Lindy Hop seems to be the name of the game, and Alastor leads him in a merry chase around the carousel, swirling together and parting. Alastor lands atop the peacock’s back and catches Lucifer, flipping him around and over Alastor’s back before depositing him securely on the peacock and taking off again. He doesn’t get far, this time Lucifer catches up to him, wings flaring behind him, and brings him in for a spin. They slide into a jazzy series of steps down the back of the hippocampus and onto the carousel floor, Lucifer pulling Alastor into a dip so deep his hair brushes the floor. 

Alastor laughs, pulling himself up and now it’s Lucifer that takes off, darting ahead around the carousel, letting Alastor be the one to chase him for a chance, quick-stepping his way out of Alastor’s reach. Alastor’s bright laugh is sweeter music than anything Heaven ever made, and as the music crescendos, he catches Lucifer around the waist, swinging him up into a lift Lucifer vaguely remembers is called an Angel lift, and Lucifer extends his arms out wide, torso braced on Alastor’s shoulder as he holds Alastor’s outstretched hand as the music races towards its finish.

Lucifer can hear the crowd cheering but Lucifer only has eyes for Alastor as the taller demon rolls Lucifer down off his shoulder and now it’s Lucifer’s turn to be dipped as the music comes to a dramatic finish. They pause, panting, and no new song takes its place. It’s just them and the slow rotation of the carousel as they catch their breath. Well, them and the mass of cheering bystanders they attracted with their showing off, but Lucifer doesn’t care. They’re staring at each other’s faces and the roar of the crowd might as well be background static, all he can focus on is Alastor - Alastor’s arm around him, keeping him from falling, Alastor’s leg pressed against his….and then Alastor is leaning in and pulling him up, and then suddenly his lips are on Lucifer’s. He never expected Alastor to just lay one on him in front of everyone like this, but he’s not complaining, no, far from it. He clings to Alastor like a raft in a storm, kissing back with equal fervor, and then all too soon it’s over and Alastor is setting him back on his feet. 

Lucifer’s face is blotchy and flushed golden, his hat askew, and yet he’s riding higher than he’s ever felt before. They’re both wild-eyed and wobbly, and Alastor is looking at Lucifer like he hung the moon, and Lucifer’s heart melts even more. He snaps his fingers, stopping the carousel and offering Alastor his arm as they both step off the ride, the adrenaline and affection buzzing in their veins stronger than any of the alcohol they’d had earlier. 

“Man, that was some real Dirty Dancing shit!” Angel whoops, perched on the railing of the outer ring of the carousel, applauding with all of his hands. “You two got some real moves!”

Husk is still leaning on the outer railing. He looks affectionately over at Angel before handing Lucifer his phone back. “I got the whole thing,” he reassures Lucifer, before looking over at Alastor, a hesitant note in his voice. “But uh, I think some other folks got video as well. And photos.”

Alastor brushes it away with a flap of his hand. “I’m in a magnanimous mood tonight. Besides, it never hurts to remind them I’m more than just the finest voice on the radio.” He looks out at the crowd, antlers growing and shadow-flames flickering around him, radio static rising high in his voice as it echoes out of his throat as well as the carousel’s speakers. “And while I am a fabulous dancer, I am also perfectly capable of applying the same speed and agility towards slaughtering those who would cross me.” 

There’s a few terrified gasps from the crowd and the thud of at least one person fainting, as Alastor stares at the crowd, grin and eyes both glowing brightly. After a few moments of what Lucifer assumes must be absolute terror for anyone not used to Alastor’s Spooky Radio Demon schtick, Alastor reverts back to normal. He’s still smiling wickedly as he wraps his arm around Lucifer’s shoulders in a gesture that reads both affectionate and possessive, though Lucifer suspects that Alastor might also be a bit dizzy now that the carousel has stopped. He wraps his arm around Alastor’s waist, providing another anchoring point and making the gesture look a bit more mutual. 

“You sure are a heck of a hoofer,” Angel calls out, hopping off the railing and walking over to clap Lucifer and Alastor on the back. “I mean both of youse are, but dang, Smiles, you got more stamina buzzed than most folks do stone cold sober. If you were the type to perform at a club, you’d bring the house down.”

 “Oh but I have!” Alastor replies, voice chipper. “I’ve been known to take the stage occasionally at Mimzy’s club from time to time. Not to mention the fact that I won the Cannibal Town dance marathon seven years running, as well as Mister Cannibal Town 1953 and Miss Cannibal Town 1954.”

“Wait, Miss Cannibal Town?” Angel asks, surprised. 

“Oh don’t get him started,” Husk protests, but Lucifer and Angel are both too curious to pay him any heed.

“Rosie banned me from the dance marathon after my seventh win, said it was only sporting to give others a chance for once. So I decided to enter some of the other local competitions.” Alastor replies nonchalantly. “The desire to show off ones’s skills, a bit of a friendly wager between myself and Rosie…” He waves his hands in a ‘voila’ gesture, still keeping himself snug against Lucifer. 

“Yeah, but Miss Cannibal Town?” Lucifer presses, emphasising the “Miss”. The mental image of Alastor even more dolled up is too good to let pass, he needs to hear more about this. Quite a lot more. Miss Cannibal Town? Are there photos? Please let there be photos. 

“As I said, a friendly wager! One I won handily, natch. I do look quite stunning in the right dress, I must say.” His voice oozes smugness. At Lucifer’s stunned expression, he smiles wickedly, using his free hand to boop Lucifer on the nose (or where his nose would be, if he had one). “I’ll show you the photos later, darling.”

“Wait, I wanna see the photos too!” Angel protests. “You can’t just say shit like that as if it was nothin’, inquiring minds need to know!”

“Can and shall!” Alastor smirks. “A bit of mystery adds spice to life, after all.”

Lucifer laughs at Angel’s thwarted expression and Alastor’s smug grin. “You know, if anyone else pulled that kind of stunt, they’d find themselves banned from the park.” He leans his head against Alastor’s shoulder, fingers twining playfully in Alastor’s belt.

“Well good thing for me I’m not anyone else, am I then, darling?” Alastor teases. “I suppose dating royalty must come with the occasional perk. Besides, you could have stopped me had you really wanted.”

“Oh but how was I to say no to such a show?” Lucifer flirts back. “You were brilliant - tapdancing on a carousel, whoever would have the audacity?”

“I can give you more of a show if you’d like,” Alastor purrs. “Perhaps back at the hotel…?”

Lucifer had been considering finishing out the night with a ride around the ferris wheel, but Alastor’s suggestion is far more appealing. “Oh really?”

“I understand that such activities are more traditionally done after the third date, but on the other hand, I don’t feel the need to stand on ceremony, do you?” Alastor runs his claws gently down the side of Lucifer’s neck, making Lucifer shiver. Fuck but he loved it when Alastor was in a ‘yes touchy’ mood, and this was definitely one of those moods.

Oh hell yes. “Nope, nope, no ceremony needed, that sounds great,” he agrees, almost stumbling over his words in his excitement. Show apparently over, the crowd is moving on and he can see Charlie and Vaggie moving towards them, Charlie waving excitedly. Pitching his voice a bit louder, he calls out, “I think we’re gonna head back to the hotel and call it a night. You two keep having fun though, don’t stop on our account!”

“Okay!” Charlie calls back. “You two were awesome up there! We’ll see you back at the hotel!”

“Sure thing,” Lucifer agrees. “We’re probably going to hit the sack but we’ll see you tomorrow for sure, okay? Love you!”

“Love you too Dad!” Charlie waves, heading off. 

Lucifer turns to Husk and Angel. “I was just going to open a portal back to the hotel. Do you two want a lift back?”

Angel shakes his head. “Appreciate the offer, but nah. Night’s still young, and I don’t gotta work tomorrow - somethin’ about a massive power surge blacking out everything in a fifty block radius of Vee Tower. Even fried the backup generators! Gee, wonder what caused that?” He laughs, giving the two of them a jaunty mock salute, vaulting back over the outer ring of the carousel and running a hand teasingly along the top of Husk’s wings. “C’mon, Husky, Let’s go to the shootin’ gallery and I can show you what else these hands are good at…”  He turns back to Lucifer and Alastor. “Have a good night! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“That’s a very short list!” Alastor calls back, guffawing, and that sets Lucifer off, and they’re laughing and holding onto each other and it’s perfect. Lucifer feels all warm and floaty and it’s not from the Beelzejuice or the adrenaline, but from the sheer joy of being with Alastor like this. As first dates go, he’s pretty sure this is a high water mark, plus it’s his first public date with Alastor, and that puts it at the top of his list on general principle.

Though speaking of topping….well, the night isn’t exactly over yet. Lucifer opens a portal back to his room, ushering him and Alastor through. No sooner than the portal is shut than Alastor pulls Lucifer in for a fierce kiss, shoving his hat to the floor so that he can twine his claws in Lucifer’s hair. It’s hot and intense and fierce, teeth and lips clashing, and when they break for air, they’re both flushed and giddier than before, if that’s even possible. 

“Now, what’s this you were saying about a show?” Lucifer asks, winking flirtatiously. 

Alastor’s raucous laughter is music to his ears.