Chapter Text
“Cozy…”
Curled up on the rec room couch Fu hummed in agreement with Hii’s statement, feeling pleasantly warm. Partly from the multiple warm bodies in the room and the active heaters but mostly from the Christmas cheer. The Cleaners were throwing their annual Christmas party to unwind before one of their busiest week of the year. The time between The New Year and Christmas extremely hectic with an uptick in trashbeasts appearing around The Ground. Fu had been surprised he’d even been invited to participate. Even if he was officially a cleaner now he didn’t think the others truly saw him as one of them. Sure he’d been ordered to help set up and decorate the tree but he thought that was just them being nice. It wasn’t till a little after the party started (10 minutes to be exact but who was counting) that Riyo and Gris had appeared at his room door to ask him where he was. Now he was snuggled up with a cup of hot cocoa and a blanket watching the other party goers.
Over by the food were most of his new teammates, Enjin, Riyo, and Zanka showing Rudo the delights of a Christmas banquet… even if Rudo was mostly focused on the dessert portion. He hid a small chuckle behind a sip of his drink at the way Zanka’s face screwed up in disgust more each time Rudo shoveled another handful of peppermint yule log in his face. It was getting a bit grotesque even for him though so he let his eyes flit away to another area of the room. By the biggest tree Fu had ever seen were Gris and Follo chatting about something he couldn’t clearly make out. From the few bits and pieces he could hear through the room's noise it seemed to be how North Ward and South Ward Christmas traditions differed. Both of them were talking animatedly with their bodies, Follo with swinging arms that made others duck clear and Gris with a flick of the fingers here and there, a shrug of the shoulders, a tilt of the head. It seemed like a pleasant conversation and maybe if Fu was braver he’d join in and share some of what he’d seen across The Ground. His attention shifted again when a person walked in front of the duo and he watched Amo bounce across the room to put up another cut out snowflake. The girl pinned it to the wall next to the thousands of other decorations before bounding back to the craft table with Semiu, Tomme, and some members of team child.
All of it was so… amazing, honestly. It was the first time in a long time Fu felt like he could enjoy a party. A Christmas party at that. The last Christmas party he’d been a part of he’d still been a raider which had been… less than stellar. Zodyl had just taken over a month or so previously that year and had decided as a show of good faith, threw a party. Fu was pretty sure it was actually Cthoni or Noerde’s idea but Zodyl decided to agree as a networking tactic. Attendance wasn’t mandatory but it had been… encouraged. Fu had been with The Raiders before Zodyl had taken over and stopped being his coworker. Their previous boss had thrown parties but Fu had never gone, most of the time he heard they ended very, very badly. Zodyl’s party hadn’t been too bad but it had been awkward. It had also been loud and rowdy, to be expected with so many outlaws in one place. Besides with the sudden, violent change between leaders when Fu had never been that good with swift change he wasn’t really in the right head space to celebrate anything.
He’d actually gone outside to escape the hustle and bustle of the party and have a moment to himself with Hii. It was… the only part of the party he could look back on fondly. Not just because he finally got some quiet but also because…
Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells
All seem to say, "Throw cares away"
Christmas is here, bringing good cheer
To young and old, meek and the bold
The cold winter air nipped his nose despite his curled up position outside on the patio but he barely noticed it over the pounding in his head. He hated loud events and he hated loud events where he barely knew anybody even more. Sure he recognized some of the others and sure he’d even made small talk with a few on occasion but none of them he’d call friends or even allies. He was used to the criminal life being “Everyone For Themselves” but it still sucked. He just wanted to be left alone around the holidays anyways. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, all of it was abysmal and a pathetic piece of trash like him didn’t deserve to partake in the joy anyways. Not after what he did.
Tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes. He was wound up so tightly he missed the sliding of the glass door behind him and Cthoni’s yell of “Close the door! We don’t want to smell weed!”
“Fu? Ah this is where you ran off to. Thought you were hogging the toilet…. Aren’t you freezing ‘s cold as fuck out here, damn.”
“Gweh!” The shocked sound was ripped from his throat and he tilted his head slightly to see Jabber staring at him, lighter and joint in hand. He had a brief moment to think “Only a rookie would hide in the bathroom.” before the other began padding over. “Mind if I sit next to you?” Jabber said already plopping down. “No… It’s fine.” He replied, looking away, to collect himself. “Fire.” Silence except for the sounds of Jabber’s lighter clicking blanketed over them. He’d hidden himself behind the curtain of the sliding door on purpose to avoid any more conversation for the night but now that it was Jabber with him…. He’d been wanting to ask the other something for a while now. Stealing his nerves and shifting his gaze to Jabber's feet he opened his mouth “Uhm…” his tongue felt heavy and he hesitated. It was considered a heavy question and he’d never been good with serious topics. Anything he said came out wrong and left him wishing someone else had guided him through the conversation.
“Go For It.” Hii spoke encouragingly, always in his corner even if he could be mean. “Can I ask you something Jabber…? It’s maybe too personal, you can totally say no and even punch me after I’ll say sorry.” He was sweating so much, embarrassment starting to burn like fire in his bones. “Sure bro, shoot.” Jabber replied casually, speaking around a drag of his joint. Fully turning his head to look Jabber in the eyes. He could do this. “You hurt yourself too sometimes, right?”
“Oh yeah. I did it earlier too, actually, why r’ you asking?” Jabber answered casually. “Really?!....” Fu hadn’t expected him to answer so easily. There was a questioning look on the other’s handsome features, a curious look in his eyes. It made him fumble through the next part of his question, scared that if he let the air sit too long Jabber would change his mind and get upset. “Uhm… can I see…?”
“Sure, I don’t give a damn about showing ‘em.”
“I’ll show mine too, then.”
Jabber began rolling up his sleeves and he was quick to follow suit until both of their sleeves were up to past their elbows . “Told ya not to worry.” Hii smuggly said in his mind but he ignored it to focus on the important stuff happening now. Studying Jabber's arms he could see multiple lines crisscrossed across the others skin, raised and slightly darker than the surrounding area. A little under Jabber’s cuffed sleeve he could see the rawest patch of sliced up skin along with a few needle marks.
So Similar And Yet… So Different.
His own arms were marred with scratches and bite marks, some fresh from earlier that day as well, him having dug his nails into the flesh and dragged down. He’d been in the throws of an episode, remembering the past. Never forgotten voices screaming in his ears. He wondered why Jabber had cut himself today. Did he use Mankira or some other sharp object? Was it to chase a high or to drown out something? Those were probably questions for another time…
“You’re gonna have to hope we catch him in such a calm mood again. He might want to fight next time in exchange for information.” Fu repressed a sigh, Hii’s logic flawless.
Letting his eyes shift from Jabber’s arms back up to his face he balked at the sour look on Jabber’s face. “Man…” Jabber started and Fu braced himself for the backlash “Why can’t you ever bite me like that? When Zodyl lets us fight you totally should.”
Why did he even try?
Giving Jabber a flat look, the other just laughed. “Want a hit of this before we go back inside? As a show of good faith?” Jabber gave him a toothy smile while offering him a drag. Fu wrinkled his nose at the joint “No thank you.” Hard to tell if Jabber added anything extra to whatever he rolled sometimes. “Suit yourself.” Jabber said before taking one more hit and then extinguishing it on his arm. They both rolled their sleeves back down and Jabber stood up first before offering his hand to Fu. Reaching up and slotting their hands together Jabber gave him a sharp tug that nearly launched him into the air. Jabber snickered and Hii did too which made his face flame red. Jabber let him go and they both went back to the party.
Oh, how they pound, raising the sound
O'er hill and dale, telling their tale
Gaily they ring while people sing
Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
“Fu! Ground to Fu can you hear me!”
Startling in his seat he was pulled from memory lane by Enjin who was waving a tattooed hand before his eyes. “Back with us, Sphere cadet?” the older man joked and Fu flushed at the teasing. “Um.. Ah.. Y..yeah.. What's ah.. What's going on?” he stuttered, he really hadn’t meant to reminisce hard enough that he lost track of time. He’s just happy his hot chocolate hadn’t fallen from his hands. It was probably just plain chocolate milk now since he’d zoned out so hard though. “We’re gonna start unwrapping Christmas presents in twenty minutes or so, so get ready and grab a snack cause it can take a while.” Enjin said, patting him on the head then departing quickly, presumably to inform others of the schedule. “Got it sir…” He called after him, giving a small salute at the order and unfolding off the couch. Letting his body move on auto pilot Fu pondered.
Even if Jabber’s antics and general feral demeanor pissed him off to no end at times… He missed him. He wasn’t someone Fu trusted per say but he was someone Fu could talk to about more serious things, even if the topic never stayed serious. Jabber had even let him crash at his apartment for a few days before Zodyl left him behind. “He was a funny one… Even if he was a jackass about me being fake.” Hii snarked and Fu giggled at the snide comment. He really hoped they could talk again one day. Him and Jabber together again under normal circumstances at that cafe Momoa showed them that one time. Finally ask Jabber about what he used on himself that previous Chrstmas morning. Maybe he could even tell the other that since he defected he’d been doing better.
Since joining The Cleaners neither his episodes or him hurting himself had completely stopped, Fu doubted either ever would.
But… it had been less frequent.
Whether it was because he’d been less stressed lately or because now he was constantly surrounded by distracting events and people he didn’t know. He knew he shouldn’t indulge himself and that he would never truly deserve to heal from what he’d done but he did want to keep going. Even back when he’d messed up he’d never wanted to die, just atone. Follow his orders and keep on living till he couldn't atone anymore. Now maybe he could do that more effectively. Be a better minion for his host and carry on. He had others around him now. Besides Hii he could begin to trust others like Enjin and Amo and Riyo and Gris, even though he’d just officially joined.
He wanted to talk to Jabber again and ask him what he thought the future held for both of them now that they’d found their own place in the world.
“Fu! Hurry up! Big sis Tomme told Amo she got her stuff and she wants you to watch her open it!”
“Common Fu August said he made you some stuff since your closets so barren! Hurry up and get over here!”
Amo and Enjin called, both waving him over at the same time. Amo shot Enjin a nasty look for speaking over her but the blonde just laughed it off. It reminded Fu of how Jabber would just laugh stuff off. “Coming!” He called back, nearly tripping in his haste to huddle with the others around the tree.
Ding-dong, ding-dong, that is their song
With joyful ring, all caroling
One seems to hear, words of good cheer
From ev'rywhere, filling the air
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas