Chapter Text
Sirius let himself into James’ apartment, which he had long ago dubbed the Royal Bachelor Pad, even though James hadn’t been a bachelor for quite a while at this point. Then again, it wasn’t really an apartment either, but a large townhouse on the royal grounds that offered him something resembling privacy. When they had first graduated from university, James had added Sirius to the list of people who could come and go as they pleased using the private, family-only entrance to the grounds.
Idly, Sirius wondered if that privilege would be revoked if and when he became a Member of Parliament. It would change the nature of their relationship, at least as far as its professional facade was concerned, so he wouldn’t be surprised if James’ family – or his PR team, more accurately – determined that it was no longer appropriate for Sirius, a political figure, to be allowed free access to the Prince of Wales. Sirius thought that was stupid though. Not to mention, a problem for another day, he reminded himself as he made his way to the kitchen and helped himself to one of James’ beers.
It was oddly and unexpectedly quiet in the house. “Hello? Anybody home?”
Sirius glanced at his watch – half past five. He would have expected Lily to be home by now, and he wasn’t aware of anything on James’ schedule that would have kept him out late. Whenever he had official engagements, they were usually done by mid-afternoon so that there was enough time for any reporting of the event to make the morning paper. It was possible that he had some “informal” dinner, but James usually told him about those.
Sirius pouted. Where were his friends?
He was just debating whether to stay and wait or head back to his own flat when he heard the sound of the door open. Immediately perked up, Sirius poked his head into the hallway that led to the front foyer. There was a small twinge of disappointment when he saw James’ tall, lanky frame instead of Lily’s petite silhouette, but he shoved it aside where it could never see the light of day, as he did any time anything even vaguely resembling a feeling for his best friend’s girlfriend threatened to appear.
“Hey, when did you get here?” James asked, greeting his friend with a warm smile, though Sirius noticed that it seemed somewhat strained.
“Like, five minutes ago,” Sirius answered, hoping that the source of James’ stress had nothing to do with him.
They were usually pretty good, but when they did have a fight… it was a doozy. Still, Sirius couldn’t think of anything that he’d done recently that would warrant such a blowout. Because there was absolutely no way that James knew about the feelings he definitely didn’t have for Lily. He’d been very careful, making sure that there was no sign of the way his heart leapt at the sight of her, making sure his laugh was no more animated when she told a joke than when anyone else did. And he was most especially careful not to tell a single living soul about the way Lily looked or the things he did with her in his dreams.
“Where’ve you been?” Sirius asked, careful to keep his tone light and curious, when James only nodded in answer to his previous statement.
“Just over in the palace,” James shrugged. “Had a few things to deal with.”
Sirius wasn’t sure what to make of that, and James didn’t seem inclined to elaborate, so he cast his mind around in search of a different topic.
“So… what do you and Lily have planned for the holidays?” he asked. It was a selfish question in part, since knowing how much he would be seeing Lily would allow him to better prepare himself. It wouldn’t do to be caught unawares by Lily in the glow of fairy lights as she hung ornaments on the tree or laughing over a cup of eggnog as they assembled to watch the King’s Christmas speech.
James snatched the beer from Sirius’ hand and took a deep swig. “Well, she’s probably going to fall madly in love with some hunky guy from the Midlands who has an uncomplicated life.”
Sirius frowned, utterly lost. “What?”
James sighed heavily, leading the way to the downstairs sitting room where he collapsed in a plush armchair. “Lily’s headed back home for the holidays, where she’ll probably meet the love of her life like in those stupid Christmas movies, because she and I broke up over the weekend.”
Sirius had no idea what to do with that information, since it was instigating about a thousand different feelings inside him all at once. He was relieved that he wouldn’t have to see Lily, but also disappointed because, despite the difficulties, he lived to see her at every opportunity. His heart was leaping at the news that Lily was now single, while mentally reprimanding himself because even if she wasn’t with James anymore, she was now his ex-girlfriend, and pursuing your best friend’s (recent) ex-girlfriend was only slightly better than pursuing his current girlfriend.
“I’m… sorry to hear that,” he said after a while, aware that he was letting the silence stretch on a little too long. He knew he was also being uncharacteristically subdued, and he willed himself to find something more natural for his boisterous self to say. “Being coupled up at New Years is boring anyway.”
James rolled his eyes. “Sirius, literally everyone in the world wants to be coupled up on New Years.”
“Not me!” he insisted, though it wasn’t exactly the truth. It was more that there was only one person he wanted to be in a couple with, and that couldn’t happen.
“That’s only because you have no idea how nice it is to be with someone for more than one night,” James snapped, somewhere between a joke and a real dig. “If you did, you wouldn’t be so happy being single.”
Sirius felt the sting of the barb far more acutely than James thought. It was true that he didn’t have much experience with relationships – he’d dated and hooked up plenty, but his relationships had been limited to those young, schoolyard ones, the kind that didn’t really mean anything except calling someone your girlfriend. But there was a very good reason why. Sirius knew he couldn’t pursue a person when his heart was set on someone else, but he couldn’t very well ask a girl out after his best friend had confessed to being mad for her. So Sirius had waited, hoping that he’d get over it, or find that he liked someone else more, or that James would end things with Lily before they got serious so that it wouldn’t be weird. He hadn’t gotten any of those wishes.
“Nah, mate, I just refuse to fall for society’s relationship propaganda,” Sirius replied, forcing himself to adopt his usual nonchalant attitude, even if it was anything but how he felt on the inside. “Besides, it’s not like I couldn’t be in a relationship if I wanted to. Look at me, I’m the most gorgeous man in England.”
“Oh, just England?” James laughed, his mood finally seeming to lift a little bit. “You must be having an off day.”
Sirius sighed dramatically, as though what he was about to say were the greatest tragedy in all of human history. “James, even I have to admit that the lads over in Ireland are exceptionally stunning.”