Chapter Text
Salem isn’t sure how it came to this. How, how did she end up in her super menacing evil lair WITHOUT ANY MINIONS TO DO HER BIDDING!? Yes, she may have had all those grimm under her control, but it wasn’t enough. Human minions were a requirement for a great many things. And here she was, all by her lonesome, tiredly lounging around on her throne. Why? Why did all of them leave her!? She didn’t know why it happened, but she did know how it happened.
Mouth contorted into a bitter frown, Salem picked up the card she was given by Cinder before she left skipping and giggling like a schoolgirl.
[THE EVILDOER REHABILITATION PROGRAM!]
[DEDICATED TO MILKING THE EVIL OUT OF DONKEYDICKED DASTARDLY VILLAINS!]
[333-111-6969]
[6969 FABLE LANE, VALE CITY, VALE]
On the card was a photo of two interesting young ladies: Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long. Daughters of none other than Summer Rose herself. Salem scowled at the card, asking what methods they used to convert all of her underlings.
“Hmph. I could easily go there and crush them right now! Those little harlots should suffer for even daring to snatch my own minions away from me! And yet, I find myself… curious… about their methods. Oh, blast it all, I cannot believe I am considering this! But with Cinder gone, I am deprived of my favorite squeeze.”
Standing and giving her low-hanging, flaccid 28-inch HORSE-SHAPED CUNTBASHER, Salem shut her eyes and mumbled to herself, “Ah, well. What is the worst that could happen…?”
* * *
Salem dressed up in her finest for her visit to Vale; she let her hair down and threw on a tight black Dongtan dress that accentuated her motherly and meaty figure quite well, as well as some simple black high heels. The general population wasn’t privy to Salem’s existence, so citizens of Vale just assumed her to be a random lady with some… odd choices in make-up. It was her obscenely wobblewide figure that caught the attention of onlookers, however.
Her ass was the fattest many had ever seen, and many people got angry looks from their partners for staring. The sloshwobbling udders on Salem’s chest earned just as many looks. Perhaps the most shocking thing was the massive bulge between her legs, throbbing and letting everybody know truly how dangerous this mystery lady was. If she didn’t have somewhere to be, perhaps Salem would’ve given these cockmongering bitches and lesser studs some attention. It was quite cute, how intensely they ogled her.
Unfortunately, Salem had a place to be, and would soon halt as she found she was standing right in front of said place. She glanced upwards, eyes narrowing as she read the sign. THE E.R.P. CENTER! She wondered if these girls realized what else that acronym could mean, but from what she’s heard, they likely don’t care. Or did it on purpose.
Salem breathed in, then out, and pushed the doors open to step inside. It wasn't a particularly large building; there were several chairs and a couch for patients to sit in while waiting to be called on, little coffee tables with some magazines and a front desk. Salem noticed a door to a bathroom, as well as a door to an employees-only area behind the front desk.
Lo and behold, two people stood behind the front desk: none other than Ruby Rose and Yang Xiao Long, the founders of this little business. The sisters instantly perked up upon hearing a new visitor, but were stunned as soon as they saw who it was. It was more disbelief than terror—they could immediately tell Salem wasn’t here as a threat. Otherwise, they’d already be fighting her and not still staring. Converting Cinder and her ilk was a miracle, but Salem…? Would they even be capable? There’s only one way to discover the answer. Heck, it’s a shocker that the villainess even swung by at all!
Perhaps the villainess was shocked too, just a little bit. Ruby and Yang were dressed like common whores, not businesswomen. Sure, they had a suit and tie, but skirts as short as those belonged in a trashy porno; and showing that much cleavage was just asking for their wankudders to be eyed up.
Salem rushed towards the desk, impatiently tapping her foot as the sisters still refused to properly acknowledge her. “It appears that blasted mother of yours didn’t beat any manners into the two of you. Instead of standing there slack-jawed, perhaps you could give me a proper welcome?”
Ruby Rose gulped. This was the woman their mother supposedly fell in battle to. This was the biggest bad there was, the main threat to Remnant and who should be their sworn enemy. Wanting to gargle her dick was the last thing she should do, and yet, here she was wanting exactly that.
“M-My apologies ma’am,” Ruby rushed to apologize. She reached out a hand, which Salem soon took and shook.
Yang mirrored her actions not long after. “We totally got distracted by how… bewitching you were. Ehhh? Get it? ‘Cus you’re like a witch?”
The witch in question frowned. “While I came here for my own amusement, it wasn’t to hear such sub-par puns. You’d both be wrong to assume I actually intend to be… rehabilitated.”
Well, there goes the excitement the girls had. Their moods sank back into extreme worry again, and almost seemed to be getting ready for a fight. Salem raised a hand in a gesture of surrender.
“At ease, girls. If I was here to annihilate you, rest assured that I’d have done so already. No, I find myself quite curious about your methods. How was it that you left me without any allies left? Cinder seemed quite dedicated to my cause, but now she only seems dedicated to being a meatdildo. Ugh, and don’t get me started on Emerald—”
“Sheesh, that girl’s a crazy one,” Yang interrupted, “you wouldn’t believe the kinky situations she can put us in with that semblance!”
Squinting, Salem realized how correct her suspicions were. “I take it the way you rehabilitate ‘villains’ is with sex, then?”
Ruby tugged her collar. Guilty as charged. “When you put it that way, it seems way too seedy. Uh, I-I guess it is, but– they really changed, Miss Salem! They’re practically different people now!”
That cat’s out of the bag. Then again, these girls wearing such short skirts with no panties whatsoever meant they never put any (pussy)cat in any kind of bag to begin with. Salem didn’t really seem happy she was internally making such a pun, as if Yang was already rubbing off on her. Ruby must’ve been, too. Salem wasn’t going to be infectiously bubbly or even remotely happy, but she felt weirdly at ease in her presence.
These two were such incredible perverts, weren’t they? Salem could tell they ran this business for the sole purpose of getting fucked by these villains. The odd thing was that it actually worked. And Salem couldn’t believe she was going to go along with it…
Noticing her clear curiosity, Ruby stepped forward with an explanation. “Okay, we do fuck the villains, but there’s more to it than that! We’ve got an entire three-step program, all of it involving a little bit of roleplaying.”
“Roleplaying…?” Salem curiously echoed.
“Mhm!” Ruby nodded. “Roleplaying. We think it’s a good way of showing villains how good it can feel to be a good guy! First, we start off at a place that shows off the natural beauty of the world they want to destroy! In addition, we place the villain in the role of some kind of hero, while Yang and I are damsels in distress!”
“... And somehow, the way you save you involves a fat dick?”
“I– uh– hey, t-trust the process! It works, you know it does!”
Salem rolled her eyes, and Yang finished off the explanation.
“After that, the villain roleplays as a teacher instructing a new generation of heroes. And it ends with me and my sis acting as villains that have gotta get their butts kicked by a hero!”
“Butts fucked, you mean,” Salem remarked.
“Same thing! Whatever! Soooo, you’re gonna join the program, right?”
Salem pursed her lips and thought for a moment. The thing is, she absolutely did not take this seriously. She assumed she’d just come in here, get her fair share of laughter and get right back to her villainous plans. So what if Cinder or Emerald fell to their wiles? Those girls were buttsluts, subservient sluts that were meatdildos at best for Ruby and Yang. A woman like Salem would be far from that—she could even tell that the sisters realized this fact, too.
Could pussy truly change someone? Perhaps only if they’re weak-willed. Salem flashed a confident smile and said, “I shall do it. Do not expect me to break easily, lest you two get broken yourselves.”
The girls cheered and quickly handed over the proper paperwork, which was but one sheet of paper that required one signature. Salem signed it without hesitance, not once believing she might be signing her very life away. At least, her life as she knows it. Seriously? Salem getting so hooked on pussy she throws all of her values away!?
Hah. How laughable.