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When Shu looks at Nazuna, he’s filled with various emotions. Disbelief that he has someone so magnificent right in front of him, that this being belongs to him. Adoration, the need to fall onto his knees and surrender into a prayer of worship. Usually he tries to properly express his enchantment with words, singing praises loud enough for everyone to hear. Sometimes it’s still too little, tongue as another human limitation is unable to show the true depth of his devotion. Then Shu allows himself to adore Nazuna in a different way, by touching. He doesn’t look for this type of closeness frequently, often being irritated over physical contact initiated by others. However, Nazuna is different.
He’s a living, breathing work of art. Shu would never dare to touch a classical statue or a gorgeous painting with even a single finger, he would curse a barbarian attempting to do such a thing. Only with Nazuna does he give himself permission for this act of reverence, for caressing his cheek, sinking his fingers into his hair or engulfing them both into a tender embrace.
Shu always helps him get into an outfit when his creation turns out to be too complicated. He experiences the privilege of seeing Nazuna almost naked, for which he is exceptionally grateful. The opportunity to dress up one’s very own marionette in clothes sewn by yourself reminds him of the first time when he put Mademoiselle in a dress he made, it even surpasses this already unforgettable experience. Shu cherishes these moments, awaits them, greedily absorbs with senses. Simultaneously, he feels a bit stressed due to an ongoing battle with the thoughts that he shouldn’t have had.
Shu isn’t a vulgar person. He’s disgusted by undressed individuals in a public sphere, both in art and everyday life, by behaviors and habits displayed by too many of his peers. The love he feels for Nazuna is not an ordinary, filthy one caused by uncontrollable hormones, it’s the purest form of devotion, the connection of two souls, a bond severed with unbreakable threads of destiny. Yet there are times when Shu’s hands stay too long in one spot, until the atmosphere becomes a little awkward, despite both of them being used to this occurrence. He wants to put them in areas he shouldn’t, squeeze them in an undignified way. Generally unrestrained, he starts to get ashamed and tries to fully focus on what he’s doing as if nothing happened.
He gets rid of those desires before they turn into something bigger. While their very existence is absolutely pathetic, an already hopeless situation is only worsened by the fact that they’re directed towards Nazuna. A spotless masterpiece deserving of appropriate compliments. Shu would be ready to slaughter anyone daring to defile him, violate his innocence in any way, so he is even more unable to bear his own struggles with similar corruption lurking in the corners of his mind. He tries to explain himself with Nazuna’s irresistible allure, but he just sinks in further in trying to blame the flawless object of his degeneracy. Shu should deprive himself of this pleasure, once and for all put an end to dressing up Nazuna since the results were way too often such unrespectful wants towards his dearest person.
Unfortunately, when it comes to Nazuna, Shu isn’t too good at holding back.
They found themselves in similar circumstances again. Shu is taking off Nazuna’s blouse, who insisted that he can do it on his own, but finally granted him this blessing. Ah, how merciful, how wonderful, how Shu is grateful to fate for uniting them forever, for bestowing upon him this honor… He’s not thinking yet, immorality hasn’t possessed his head, which is currently filled with blind delight.
Shu touches Nazuna’s smooth skin with his fingertips. He’s so beautiful. Delicate in every sense of the word, perfectly slender, adorably short. Shu kneels before him to take off his shoes and pants, feeling like he’s praying to God, while looking at his image in church as the most devoted believer.
After dealing with the lower parts of clothing, Shu looks up to this sacred, also perfect face. Nazuna’s full cheeks are even prettier when covered in pink they have just taken on. Shu is immensely pleased by the knowledge that this time he didn’t even have to put a blush on them. He wants to kiss the right one, then the left one.
Shu wants to kiss Nazuna.
He wants to adorn every inch of his body with kisses, both quick ones, left in a hurry and long, passionate ones, savoring them. He wants to put his mouth to his thighs and slightly squish them with his hands, he wants to bury his whole face in his stomach, kiss from bottom to top, to finally reach those heavenly lips and experience paradise. Shu wants to do all of that, he craves this, he needs-
Touch pulls him to the ground. Not the one that he so often graces Nazuna with, but the one Nazuna graces him with, which doesn’t happen everyday. One petite hand lays on his arm and the other grabs his chin, tilts it so they can look each other in the eyes. Nazuna stares at Shu from above, with an expression that he hasn’t seen before, that he can’t quite read. It seems like the first time when Shu doesn’t comprehend his soulmate’s actions. Did he irritate Nazuna? Did he accidentally do something too forward? He awaits a scolding, a sign of displeasure that he of course will gladly accept.
“Oshi-san…” Nazuna whispers, despite the two of them being alone in the room. “You’re so cute sometimes, you know?”
“Nito I- excuse me?” Shu’s eyes widen and his mouth slightly opens in confusion.
“You’re…cute.” Nazuna repeats, gently running his finger across Shu’s lip.
“But Nito, how can you spout such nonsense, it’s… it’s blasphemy, when coming from you, sweetness in human form!”
“Like right now. So cute.” Nazuna giggles. Shu feels faint.
Both of Nazuna’s hands move to his cheeks and softly stroke them. Shu shouldn’t be unused to this action, he loves to dote on Nazuna like that, but he hasn't experienced this on himself. When Shu’s hands lay on Nazuna’s face, everything is in place, but when Nazuna’s lay on Shu’s face, it all seems so weird, uneasy, turns everything inside out.
“The fact that you don’t see it is a bit funny, but I guess it’s just a part of your irritating charm.” Nazuna continues. He fondles Shu’s cheeks for a bit longer, then reaches to the buttons of his shirt. He shoots him a lovely smile and slowly starts unbuttoning the first one. Shu barely breathes, each inhale and exhale demands more and more effort. His arms fall, hanging limp, he’s unable to move them. The sight of Nazuna that always soothes him, this time ironically evokes something akin to fear.
Shu abruptly jerks away from him with half of his shirt unbuttoned. He falls on the floor, supports himself, trying not to completely collapse against it. He feels like his brain is completely empty, unable to form a single coherent thought.
Nazuna’s expression, previously so confident, turns into shock and then panic.
“Oshi-san, is everything alright…?” he asks, concerned.
“Nito, w-why… did you… do that?” After a painful moment of silence, Shu finally manages to say something.
“I just thought that… you’re always so touchy, I thought that maybe you also wanted to… I…” Nazuna tries to explain, clearly he hadn’t even considered such a turn of events, expecting to get an entirely different reaction out of Shu.
“You’re the personification of beauty here!” Shu gets upset, talking too loudly than he intends to. “Worshipping you is like breathing, it’s something that I ought to be doing. I don’t want you, innocent and sinless, to feel the need to repay me in that way. I don’t expect anything in return. My intentions are pure, you should be well aware of that.” Shu tries to calm himself down, buttoning his shirt all the way up to his neck. He gets up on shaking legs and goes over to dumbfounded Nazuna.
“I also think that you’re pretty…” Nazuna tries to show his perspective again. Shu pretends he doesn’t hear. He grabs his chin, as Nazuna did mere minutes ago and states with hidden anger.
“Nito, never do it again.”
Nazuna, still in his underwear, doesn’t know if he’s more flabbergasted or outraged by this audacity. He reluctantly shakes his head. He has never felt so naked.
“Okay, Oshi-san.”
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Shu stands in front of the mirror in his room, without having anything on except for a pair of boxers. He thoughtfully placed all his dolls in positions that will spare them this sight.
He’s not an unattractive person, he’s aware of that. Shu doesn’t think lowly of his own appearance, quite the contrary, though of course, it pales in comparison to Nazuna’s. Yet despite it, maybe he could let Nazuna see him, touch him? Make his dearest marionette, whose smile he cherishes the most in the whole world happy? Maybe…
The longer Shu stares at the reflection before him, the faster all his vain hopes fade.
He sees the sharp lines of his face, the high cheekbones, the long, slightly crooked nose, and the traces of facial hair, even though he shaved a few days ago. His shoulders seem broader than ever, perfectly complementing his equally broad chest, yet still looking so alien on him. His narrow waist leads to long legs that give him such a strong, intimidating, undelicate, unpleasant presence.
No, Shu won’t taint Nazuna like that, he won’t be able to force a human version of an angel to witness this, even if he thinks he wants to.
As Shu begins to put on his clothes, a few small tears well up in his eyes. He would love to take one of his dolls, perhaps his beloved Mademoiselle and brush her long hair, straighten her dress, but he knows that will only make him feel worse.