Chapter Text
The clacking of his pills was the only noise he could hear. The only noise that wasn't Jay. Static. The only noise that wasn't static. Jay wasn’t here. It was just static. That's what he had been telling himself for months now. He had been having nightmares ever since he finished everything dealing with rosswood, alex, and the operator. That fucking asshole stole Ja-
Bring! Bring!
Oh, it was Jessica. Why was she calling? Did she text him beforehand? Was she in danger? Before he realized it he picked it up in a sweat saying hello in a nervous tone. He could hear joy in her voice. That was good. She's okay. She's fine.
They talked for about half an hour before hanging up. Jessica had made new friends, she was in a book club, she learnt how to sew. That was good. She was recovering much better than he thought she would. She asked about Jay.
He said that he was doing well. He started school again. Became a film student again and wanted to go on his original path. That he found a much better program. He missed what he originally had but it was for the better that he didn't go back. That he stayed far away.
He was thinking about it again. What it would've been like if he survived. What they could've done together. Suddenly Tim was pulling out old tapes where it had Jay talking, voicemails, looking at pictures. He didn't know when he grabbed the cigarette or when he lit it or how far he had been into an old tape he had where Jay was just talking to camera about nonsense.
The puff of smoke that came out of his mouth was a bittersweet feeling. He could still feel the first time he inhaled the minty tasting smoke. He knew that these weren't good for him but especially after Jay's death did he smoke more prominently. He had cut back though. He was doing well. He is doing really well now.
He hated this feeling of guilt so he washed it out with neatly rolled cylinders of death-inducing poison instead. It felt much better than the guilt of him being the reason Jay didn't make it out. The reason that everyone around him died.
No, he needed to stop thinking about his losses. Future. That's what he needed to focus on. He had a degree in business. He should be putting it to use. But a part of him didn't want to. A part of him wanted to go back, spend the rest of his life looking for Jay.
He was a receptionist at some business he was near. It was easy, and it made enough money.
Oh. The cigarette was finished. That was okay, he needed to make dinner and clean up before it got too late anyway.
He dropped the cigarette butt on the ground before stomping it out. He headed inside promptly after. Everything is Fine.
That's the last thing he told the world when he posted that last entry. If that's what the world believed then so would he. That's what Jay would want for him anyway.
He misses Jay a lot more than usual.
Get it together Tim. You need to make food for yourself. He sighed before pulling out bowtie pasta and filling up a pot with water to boil. He started boiling the water on his stove before adding the pasta not too long after. He took out a jar of meat sauce from the fridge. He starts to warm it up in a pan.
He grabbed a water bottle out of his fridge after everything was cooked and platted. He sat down at his small table by himself. He imagined Jay sitting across from him with his own plate time made for him. That jay was rambling about nothingness but Tim couldn't help but listen. He ate his food slowly.
Once Tim finished his food he set his plate in the sink. He grabbed clothes out of his drawer before grabbing his towel and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.
The warm water pelted against his skin softly. This felt nice. He stood there for about 10 minutes before actually washing up and getting out of the shower. He dried himself and his hair off before getting changed into sleepwear.
He looked at himself in the mirror. He ran his hand through his dampened hair before brushing his teeth. Once he finished that he padded off to his room. His steps dull and muffled against the carpeted floor. Finally he got to his room. He fell into his bed before even thinking about it. He quickly drifted off to sleep.
He wakes up in the hospital again. His room. Except Jay was there. He was able to be saved. He could help Jay this time. He smiled scooping jay into his arms quickly. He ran out of the hospital as quickly as he could. He was gonna make it out. He was gonna be well. Everything was gonna be okay.
As they got closer to making it out Jay started turning into ash slowly. He was fading in tims arms. He cried as tim dissolved little by little as he continued to run. No nonono nonnonononono. NO.
Tim started sobbing silently as he could see Jay lose his life in front of him, right in his arms.
It was going to be okay. They were gonna make it out. Right as they made it out Jay blew into the wind. Ashes taking flight out of Tims hand.
This wasnt fair. They were so close. So so so close to winning this time.
Tim woke up in a cold sweat. It was dark. Right..that was that dream again. God when will he be able to move on? He doesnt want to think about the past. He wants to focus on the future with or without Jay being here with him now. It’s what Jay would’ve wanted.
He plopped back into his bed before drifting off to sleep again.