Work Text:
//
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, college junior, was no fan of fast food.
Nope. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Fast food was not healthy, it made you fat and could even cause cancer for you. This policy, was what Akutagawa strictly lived by.
Unfortunately, if you were stuck with Dazai Osamu as your college senior, you were stuck with the regrettable possibility that he might drag you to McDonald’s every Saturday just because he wanted to have eye-sex with the rather short, orange-haired employee.
Akutagawa didn’t joke at all, and he was bloody serious.
Dead serious.
This particular Saturday however, Akutagawa was kind of glad that he went to McDonald’s.
Kind of. Emphasis on those two words please.
It all started when Dazai had made an innocent (not so innocent to be honest) suggestion.
“Hey, hey, Ryu-kun, they serve iced tea now!” He said, cheerily.
Akutagawa would have rolled his eyes if a certain emotion, whose word started with the letter ‘r’, did let him.
Iced tea, his foot. It was more like; unhealthy substance that imitated tea.
He did not like his tea cold, hot tea was warm and soothing.
When he said as such to his senior, his senior pouted.
“Come on, Ryu-kun, don’t be so old fashioned! You’re younger than me, live out your life and try new stuff!” Dazai complained.
Akutagawa’s eyes had an exasperated look to them as he stared monotonously at his senior. He was younger than Dazai only by one year, one year did not mean that Dazai was a hundred years older than him.
However, Akutagawa did respect Dazai’s word, and therefore decided to try it out.
Oh the poor, gullible thing.
If only he knew the (pleasant) chaos that would occur afterwards.
Once he came home after school that Friday, he blinked when he saw Gin, his little sister who was in her first year of high school, texting.
Again.
This was the fifth time in a row that Akutagawa spotted his little sister texting.
Dark suspicions invaded his mind. Was she probably seeing a...
No. That is not possible. There was no way of Gin liking a guy.
Or did his sister swing the other way?
That was it. Akutagawa had had enough. He was going to find out exactly what kind of suspicious activity his sister was doing.
“Gin. What are you doing?” Akutagawa asked, dubiously.
Gin jumped and her phone slid smoothly down to the floor, stopping upon reaching Akutagawa’s shoes.
Gin widened her eyes and made to reach her phone but Akutagawa was faster, for unexplainable reasons (his sister was the healthy one who worked out, not him, he’s pretty sickly) and he took the phone swiftly before his sister could take it.
Gin’s eyes widened as Akutagawa slowly took the phone and squinted his eyes in order to see what she was doing.
Akutagawa’s face had an expression of comical shock.
“This is...”
Gin did not meet her brother’s eyes.
“You could have told me you found a new friend.” He said, quietly.
Gin blinked. And tilted her head.
“You would have asked me a good fifty questions.” She replied, just as quietly.
Written on the screen was:
Chat room with (Izumi) Nakajima Kyouka
You: My brother is a mother hen, you know.
Kyouka: (^ ^;) My brother is a mother hen too.
You: (-___-;) Brothers. They keep fussing over us. Actually, my brother’s gay.
Akutagawa went a furious red and glared at his little sister, who was whistling innocently.
“Gin. What the actual hell do you know about my sexuality?!” He asked, irritably.
Gin made a face, and turned in a way such that she didn’t face her brother. “You had a huge crush on Dazai-san, don’t deny it.”
Akutagawa’s forehead vein almost popped. “That was one time. One time, and you’re still holding it over my head.”
Gin shrugged, facing him now. “It still means you’re homo. Give me back my phone.”
Akutagawa scowled. “Yeah, I’m supposed to be calm while you go around telling unknown people-“
“Kyouka-chan’s my classmate. She sits next to me.” Gin interrupted.
Akutagawa blinked. “Oh.”
Gin’s mouth upturned a little. “Give me back my phone now.” She said, quietly.
Akutagawa clicked his tongue and tossed his sister her phone. She caught it.
“Are you going to McDonald’s tomorrow?” Gin asked suddenly, as her older brother removed his coat and hung it.
Akutagawa gave her a flat look. “What do you think?” He said, drearily, as he went to the kitchen to make himself some tea.
Come Saturday evening, he dressed himself in a casual black long-sleeved turtleneck, jeans, and went out, tiredly, to meet his enthusiastic college senior.
As usual, his senior was waiting for him in his plain brown car and was hurriedly beckoning him to go inside the car.
Akutagawa sighed; he was a fucking saint. Of that he was absolutely sure.
“Say, Akutagawa-kun, are you sure you don’t want to order the tea? It’s really good!” Dazai said, as he opened the door to the fast-food station.
“I think, I’ll try-“ Before the poor soul could even finish his sentence, Dazai was hugging him tightly with sparkling eyes.
“I knew you’d accept! C’mon before the crowd starts appearing!” Dazai said, letting go of Akutagawa, but his eyes were still sparkling.
Saturdays were usually crowded in the evenings; hence, Dazai always came before it got crowded.
The short, orange-haired employee was there as usual. Akutagawa thought how funny it was that Dazai could enrage this particular employee so quickly, even though the poor soul tried to keep on a professional mask.
Today, the employee spoke to them, teeth gritted as usual.
“Well, what would you like to order today?” He asked, as pleasantly as a sexual harassment victim could ask.
Akutagawa and Gin had made jokes on how the poor employee was a sexual harassment victim of Dazai’s, since the poor soul was subjected to Dazai’s flirting.
“Say, can I-“
“If you start making a sexual joke again, I’ll beat you up!” The employee, whose name was Chuuya by the way, said, irritably.
Akutagawa almost whistled because he was impressed but drew a deep breath instead.
Dazai had finally managed to crack the unfortunate employee’s professional mask after several weeks of coming to the place.
Another employee ran in, looking flustered.
Akutagawa didn’t know why this particular, flustered-looking kid, who looked no older than sixteen, caught his eye all of a sudden.
He had white hair, which was uneven and choppy and his eyes were a peculiar, yet beautiful mix of purple and yellow. He was wearing the standard uniform, and looked really scared.
Akutagawa wondered if this kid was new, because he never saw him in the restaurant before.
Akutagawa had just a moment to look at the kid’s tag, which read Atsushi.
Atsushi, huh.
“C-Chuuya-san, we wouldn’t want to damage our customers- I know that he’s gone too far but that doesn’t make it an excuse to lose your job!” He said, looking frightened.
Chuuya lowered his fist. Dazai blinked. Akutagawa just stood there, staring impassively at the whole scene.
“You’re right, Atsushi. This pervert isn’t any reason for me to lose my damn job. Can I take your freaking order or not?” Chuuya asked irritably.
“Uh, sure, you can take my order.” Dazai said, bemused by this peculiar turn of events.
Akutagawa knew Dazai for a really long time, and he was sure this was what Dazai hadn’t expected at all.
Atsushi then looked at Akutagawa with a smile.
“Can I take your order?”
Akutagawa wondered why he felt tongue-tied all of a sudden. He was just going to ask for tea, and suddenly, as he looked at the menu, a Diner Honey Mustard looked appetizing.
Akutagawa blinked.
“One cup of iced tea. And, a Diner Honey Mustard.” He said, looking at Atsushi the whole while.
The kid looked so cute, noting down his order.
Akutagawa felt ready to kill himself because seriously, this was just so gay for fuck’s sake.
“Right! Anything else?” Atsushi asked, still with that damn sweet smile.
Akutagawa blinked again. He was sure he was being blinded with that irritating smile of Atsushi’s, that must be why he was blinking a lot all of a sudden. “Yeah, that’ll be all.”
He started cursing the poor innocent soul who just wanted to take his order.
“Take out or eat in?” Atsushi asked.
Akutagawa shrugged. “Eat in.”
“Thank you for ordering! That’ll be 125 yen, please.”
Akutagawa fished out his wallet from his pocket and handed out the money, giving it to Atsushi, who took it.
Akutagawa was well aware that his senior was gaping at him, almost as if he had announced that he was going to be a ballerina.
But, Akutagawa didn’t give a damn, even if he admired said senior a lot.
He was having a freaking crush (Akutagawa wasn’t stupid), and he’d be damned to hell if he let his senior tease him.
As they took their food to eat, Dazai was still gaping at him.
“H-hey, Ryu-kun...did you just order a burger?” He asked, in shock.
As Akutagawa ate the burger, he nodded.
It didn’t taste that bad, Akutagawa was surprised to note.
But it was still unhealthy and had a lot of fats.
Dazai blinked his wide eyes. “What kind of alien are you and what have you done to my cute little Ryu-kun?”
Akutagawa kept on eating his burger.
Dazai looked at the burger, then at the counter. Then at the burger, then at the counter.
This juggled staring of the burger and the counter of Dazai’s went on till he spotted the angelic Atsushi taking another order with a bright angelic smile on his face.
However, you could not say that the smile that formed on Dazai’s face was angelic. Rather, the word ‘devilish’ was more than appropriate.
“Oh, did someone order a burger just to take some more time to admire little Atsushi-kun~?” He asked, with all the glee of a man who had stumbled upon treasure.
Akutagawa shot his senior a look even as he ate the burger.
Dazai whooped, earning him looks from the other customers. He shut his mouth but grinned at Akutagawa.
“This is the greatest thing I’ve ever witnessed! I can’t believe you actually have a crush on that kid!”
Akutagawa wanted nothing more than to pour his freezing cup of tea on Dazai but he was painfully aware that it wasn’t very dignified behaviour.
Therefore, Akutagawa grudgingly had to endure Dazai’s ramblings on how his “cute little apprentice” grew up for the rest of the time till he got home.
Poor Akutagawa would have to damn himself to hell some other time.
Akutagawa was never more relieved than having come home at that moment, when he set foot into his house and removed his black and white sneakers.
He sighed a huge sigh of relief, looking exasperated.
“I’m home.” He said tiredly.
“Welcome.” She said, around some giggling.
Did his sister just giggle?!
“Gin...”
Gin grinned at him.
Dark suspicions entered Akutagawa’s brain once more. Was his sister on her period or something!? Only women who were on their period experienced drastic mood swings!
(Then again, his sister was entitled to smile, but still- it was highly suspicious.)
Gin looked at her brother, her face alit with amusement. “Wondering what made me so happy?”
Akutagawa jumped, and nodded at her, looking warily at her.
Gin’s eyes held mirth. “Kyouka’s brother started working at McDonald’s today.”
Akutagawa raised his eyebrows. “So?”
Gin’s voice was full of mirth, but she didn’t take her eyes off her phone’s screen.
“Today, apparently at home, he was screaming to Kyouka-chan about how he met a really ‘cool guy at work.’ He couldn’t say the same for the ‘pervert’ who came along with him and started harassing another employee though.”
Akutagawa blinked and widened his eyes.
“Apparently, the guy was so hot,” Gin simply rejoiced at the look on her brother’s face. “With this black turtleneck sweater and uneven black-white bangs. Doesn’t he sound familiar?”
Akutagawa fainted.
Gin widened her eyes and dropped her phone on the sofa, immediately rushing to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. Once she got it, she poured the whole glass of water on her brother’s face.
“What in the world happened to you all of a sudden?” Gin asked mildly. Akutagawa shook his head.
“Nothing.” And with that, he ran up the stairs to his bedroom.
Gin didn’t know why her brother was acting so weirdly, but she swore her brother’s eyes freaking sparkled, and as he went up the stairs, she could have sworn there was a slight bouncy skip as he walked.
The next few weeks, Akutagawa was now extremely proud to say that he did not fall to Dazai’s level at all.
No sir. Absolutely not.
He was absolutely not having eye-sex with his crush, unlike a certain somebody and was now having pleasant, conversations with his crush whenever he was free.
You want an example? Here goes:
“Say, is your friend always suicidal?” Atsushi asked bluntly, one particular Saturday, when Dazai was stupid enough to have made another sexual innuendo and almost got strangled by Chuuya.
Akutagawa nodded. “He’s always this stupid. And he’s not my friend, he’s a college senior.”
“Oh, I’m-“ Atsushi said, flustered.
“It’s okay. Would you please stop being so flustered? It’s kind of annoying.” Akutagawa asked, rolling his eyes.
Atsushi flushed. “I-I’m sorry.”
Akutagawa clicked his tongue and shrugged.
Okay, Akutagawa’ll admit, that wasn’t really a pleasant conversation but nevertheless, he actually talked to his crush with a hundred percent guarantee that no violent incidents would happen afterwards.
Well...Akutagawa would admit that he was being a bit horrible to the poor soul, but hey, seeing his cute little red face afterwards was worth it. (He did not just think that now, did he?)
Life was good.
Well. At least until someone hatched an extremely diabolical plan.
It had been a good one month since Akutagawa and Atsushi met each other.
This Saturday morning, at 4:00 am, thirty minutes before Akutagawa woke up, his phone started ringing really loudly.
Akutagawa was ready to kill the fucking bastard who dared call him at 4:00 am in the godforsaken morning.
Akutagawa may wake up at 4:30 am in the morning, but waking him up before that would only mean a slow and painful death, with a freaking knife, for the poor victim.
Blearily, he opened his eyes and answered the phone without looking at the loser’s caller ID.
“Hello?” He asked through grit teeth.
“Hey there, Ryu-kun! Good morning! Sorry for the early wake-up call but I have a favour to ask of you!”
It was Dazai.
Akutagawa immediately sat up straight and quickly took back whatever murderous things he thought earlier.
“Dazai-san?” He asked, blinking.
“Yep~! Anyways, like I said earlier, I have a favour to ask.”
Akutagawa made to nod, but then remembered that Dazai obviously couldn’t see him and replied with a quiet ‘Yes?’ while his morning fatigue slowed his thinking pace down.
“The thing is, I just got a text from Kunikida-kun saying that I have to organise the upcoming college festival for Tanabata! So he asked me to go to his house today evening and I really want to order from McD! Could you please order a parcel for me as well?”
That...was all?
Okay, the buck stopped here, Akutagawa decided.
“I know what you’re thinking, I could have asked you later, but the thing is, Kunikida-kun just texted me when I was brushing my teeth- so I thought I’d forget! I’m really sorry though!”
Akutagawa scowled. Dazai didn’t sound any sorrier than that snob, Fitzgerald.
Just because Fitzgerald was richer than the dean of the college even, he’d harass any unfortunate living organism that interested him.
Akutagawa may have admired Dazai, but even his respect for the latter could take his patience only so far.
“You’ll do it, though, right?”
Akutagawa almost snorted. Of course he would. His respect wouldn’t let him refuse, first of all.
Second of all, Akutagawa knew how scary Dazai could be.
He did see Dazai when the latter was a delinquent after all.
So gritting his teeth again, he replied in the affirmative and immediately flopped his head back on the pillow.
He might have to wake up two hours later.
After all, the crowd only appeared after 8 PM.
Unfortunately for our poor soul, that definitely wasn’t the case.
Nope.
Instead, when he came at 6 PM, there was a simply massive crowd and Akutagawa barely had any space to even move his foot a good two inches.
He scowled.
‘Why the hell I am doing this fool’s errand again? Oh yes, I just admire my senior too much.’ Akutagawa thought bitterly as he moved through the crowd.
Okay that was it; he was so not doing this.
But...if Dazai didn’t get his bloody parcel-
A beep from his phone interrupted the college-going teen’s thought process and he took his phone irritably.
The text was from Dazai.
“What now?!” Akutagawa voiced out irritably and when he saw the text;
I was just kidding~! I didn’t really need a parcel, （￣ー￣） I’m not that invested in fast food anyway~! This was a crazy plan, but hey, they say crazy is good! Have a nice day with Atsushi-kun, by the way~! (*^3^)/~☆
It was enough to make him consider breaking his phone.
That...devil had even dared to send him a kissing emoji.
Just because he could successfully make a fool out of Akutagawa.
Akutagawa took a deep breath to calm himself down and thought about trying to get out of this crowd. Just then, he spotted a rather familiar white head drooping his head and eating a burger.
When the head turned around, Akutagawa blinked because it was well,
Atsushi.
Akutagawa blinked. Wasn’t...Atsushi supposed to be well, working?
Atsushi seemed to have spotted Akutagawa because he widened his eyes.
“Ah, well-“
“It’s Akutagawa.” The teen supplied quickly. Atsushi blinked.
“I see, anyways, before that crowd, well, smashes you, I think you could sit here...” Atsushi spoke, rather timidly.
Akutagawa had to admit, Atsushi did make a good point. That crowd was simply too enormous and could crush him anytime it wanted to. So the nineteen-year old moved swiftly yet surely to the chair opposite Atsushi and sat, sighing in relief.
“Thank you.” Akutagawa said, after a while of awkward silence.
Atsushi rubbed the back of his head rather shyly. “It’s nothing.”
Now that Atsushi was more visible, Akutagawa absent-mindedly looked at what the former was wearing.
He was wearing a light green hooded jacket with a black shirt inside that had a small tiger cub yawning as its motif and wore white jeans.
“That looks good.” Akutagawa couldn’t help but think.
Atsushi felt nervous.
Incredibly nervous.
Atsushi, for one, knew that his sister and Akutagawa’s sister, chatted online.
What if Kyouka told her that he had a crush on Akutagawa and what if she told her older brother?!
The thought made Atsushi so very jittery his burger almost fell out of his hands.
Atsushi noticed Akutagawa’s face which looked tired and the latter had huge bags under his eyes.
Seriously though, something was bothering Atsushi.
Why didn’t Akutagawa order something?
Atsushi had already, most shrewdly guessed that Akutagawa was only here at McDonald’s because he had absolutely no choice than to tag along with that person who kept flirting with Chuuya shamelessly.
Something told Atsushi that Akutagawa was here, because he had no choice, again.
Akutagawa sighed and checked his watch.
“Curses.” Atsushi heard Akutagawa mutter irritably, even among the huge chattering of the crowd. Atsushi knew why Akutagawa was irritated; the crowd would only get huger till it was eleven thirty or later even.
Atsushi wished he could get both himself and this poor suffering soul out of the horrendous place. Not one to waste time, Atsushi tried looking here and there for a way out.
“What, are you doing?” Akutagawa asked.
Atsushi almost jumped, because seriously, his voice was something that turned Atsushi into a high-school girl with a huge crush.
Shaking his head, he tried to gather his wits, and gather them he did, at long last.
“Well, it’s not like getting out of here is impossible you know, I’m trying to look for a way out.” Atsushi said, nervously smiling.
Akutagawa raised his eyebrows. “You’ll have to wait, the shop doesn’t get less crowded-“
Atsushi would be lying if he said he didn’t get a teensy weensy bit irritated.
“Not to be rude, Akutagawa-san, I’m the one working here, and I know the layout of the place.” Atsushi blurted out, before he could stop himself.
Akutagawa blinked, his eyes wide. Then he shook his head and his mouth was just a bit upturned in a slight challenging smirk.
He grunted before he spoke. “You make a good point, actually. However, there are nine-foot tall people walking around. Good luck.”
Something told Atsushi that Akutagawa both meant it and didn’t mean it at the same time.
Atsushi lowered his head, closing his eyes and smiling. “I’ll always try my best, thanks. Don’t you want to get out too?” He asked, with a worried frown.
Akutagawa looked at Atsushi, the look asking if the latter was stupid.
Atsushi chuckled nervously. “I’ll take that as a yes. You know, if I find the way out of the crowd, I’ll lead you out too. How does that sound?”
Akutagawa gave the same look.
Atsushi sighed. “It wouldn’t hurt for you to open your mouth you know.”
Ten minutes later, Akutagawa found himself out of the fast-food restaurant along with Atsushi.
The duo were considerably tired because the crowd had been violent and had pushed them back. Somehow or the other however, they came out of the over-crowded restaurant and were now well, safe.
Atsushi had been holding Akutagawa’s hand the whole while when he had been trying to lead the latter out of the restaurant and the former noticed that he was was still holding it, much to his embarrassment.
Atsushi jumped and quickly took his hand away from the other.
“I-I’m-“
Akutagawa shook his head. “It was okay. By the way, Nakajima, right?”
Atsushi widened his eyes. “How...do you know that?”
Akutagawa shrugged. “My sister chats with your sister. And yes,” he added upon seeing the look on the other’s face. “She did tell you about your crush on me.”
The first thing that Atsushi noted was that Akutagawa was blunt as a tree branch.
Atsushi would know, he nearly got blunt force trauma.
However, he was ready to die of embarrassment.
“So...you know.” Atsushi said, morosely.
Akutagawa nodded. “I do. But your sister doesn’t know something.”
Atsushi blinked. “What...would that be?” He asked, after a while.
Akutagawa faced Atsushi for a while, his eyes dancing with amusement. “Here, have this.” He took a paper out of his pocket and handed it to Atsushi.
Atsushi blinked and took it. His eyes widened when he saw what it was.
“This is...”
Akutagawa finally smirked. “That’s my number. Call me anytime you want.”
Dazai was delighted that his plan worked just splendidly however...
“You’re taking me to a freaking French restaurant. After all my donkey-work, you owe me one.”
Dazai widened his eyes and sadly looked at his rather empty wallet while Chuuya stared at him with a smirk.
“What, can’t do a little thing such as taking your boyfriend out to a fancy dinner?” Chuuya asked tauntingly.
“Shut up. I just wanna go out on a diet.” Dazai whined.
Chuuya snorted. “You tell me that I behave like a girl, I tell you, you’re even more girly than Akutagawa's little sister. She's got twice the manliness you have."
"I don't have time for your crap, Chuuya. Spare me." Dazai said, weakly.
//
Extra:
"So, Ryuu-kun, were you mad at Dazai-san, for well...you know?" Atsushi asked curiously, when our little couple went to a tea house.
Akutagawa looked thoughtful. "I was, for a while. But the whole experience taught me that Dazai-san, despite his advice, is as shady as a..."
"Beach umbrella?" Atsushi suggested.
Akutagawa coughed violently. "Where the hell did you get that from?" He asked, when he stopped coughing.
Atsushi smiled a bit too secretively. "Well, Kunikida-san, Dazai-san's friend told me that he could be as shady as a beach umbrella."
"He knows Dazai-san only too well then. And also has wisdom."