Work Text:
*Posted to r/relationshipadvice*
*Posted by u/cloudyskies*
Are my(21M) friends(23M, 23F) flirting with me?
Hi reddit. So, usually I wouldn't turn to a bunch of strangers for advice, but every time I try to consult one of my friends they either laugh at me or just give me a look of disbelief. I'm kind of at my wits end here.
So I have these two friends, we'll call them Zander and Ari. They've been dating for a while, and honestly they have a great relationship. They match each other's energy so well, and are the most sweet and loving people I've ever met. They have complained that they wish they could spend more time together (Zander works a very demanding job that makes him travel a lot), but I've never heard of any issues in their relationship beyond that.
This is where I need help. A few months ago, Zander started being more physically affectionate with me. He would hug me for longer, ruffle my hair, put his arm around me while gaming, things like that. At first, I ignored it, because Zander's just a touchy guy. But this sort of thing just kept happening. And it wasn't just Zander. A few weeks after I noticed this, Ari started wanting to spend more time with me. She would take me shopping, to bars, out to the movies, and other places, with or without her boyfriend. She's also started complementing my physical appearance way more. Even when we're all together, Zander and Ari don't stop doing these things. I'm not totally oblivious; I know that these actions would usually be considered flirting. But to flirt with someone else, right in front of your partner? I don't know. I need advice here. Is this even flirting? Are they both trying to cheat on each other with me? If it is flirting, why are they doing it in front of each other? Help please.
COMMENTS:
u/fakereddituser1
This definitely sounds like flirting. How do you feel about them?
u/cloudyskies
I mean, they are both unfairly gorgeous. They are also just wonderful people in general. I would have loved the chance to date either of them, but that ship has sailed, and I’m not a homewrecker.
u/fakereddituser2
How much do you know about polyamory? If they’re acting the same in front of each other as when you’re alone then this doesn’t seem like a cheating situation. It wouldn’t surprise me if they talked to each other and agreed they both wanted to date you.
u/cloudyskies
That would be amazing if they did. But I don’t really know if they would want to be with someone like me in the first place. I’m a lot more awkward and introverted than them, and I feel like I would just bring them down.
u/fakereddituser2
I mean, they both clearly like spending time with you as friends, so you wouldn’t “bring them down” if you were in a relationship either. Have you considered they may like that you balance them out?
u/fakereddituser3
I feel like this whole thing could be resolved if you just talked to them. Sit them down and have a heart-to-heart, all three of you. I know that sometimes expressing your emotions can feel like torture, especially while you’re in your early twenties, but just talk to them.
u/cloudyskies
Ok, I’ll try that
UPDATE: So, it turns out they were both flirting with me. All three of us are in a relationship together. I’m very glad it worked out like this :)