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It was an unfamiliar number, but that was nothing new or unusual for Sam, and so he barely thought as he answered, his eyes still focused on the parchment in front of him. Since the closing of the gates, they’d both needed to recover, and so Sam had been spending a lot of time in the library, relishing feeling well enough to actually read.
“Hello?” There was silence on the other end, save for a shaky breath, and Sam sat up a little straighter, listening.
“Hello, are you alright?” Sam asked, wondering if this was a case, and then wondering who actually had this number.
“Sam?” A familiar voice spoke then, and Sam had to sit back, the shock rushing through him.
“Cas? Oh my god, is that you?” Sam asked, suddenly aware he was alone in the library. Where was Dean, he had to tell him. If Cas had survived, then...
“It’s me.” Cas said, sounding gruff and so very himself, that Sam felt emotion clog his throat for a moment. Just pure thankfulness to whoever the hell was out there that gave a damn. “Is Dean with you?”
Sam had to sniff, get a hold of himself before he could answer.
“Uh, no, he’s not, he’s in another room. I’ll go get him--”
“No, don’t!” Cas said, and then broke off with a slight gasp, his breathing audible and quick. Sam furrowed his brow, glancing at the half open door.
“But, Cas, you’re alive, after everything. Holy cow, man, Dean is going to be ecstatic!”
Cas made a little sound, halfway between a gasp of pain and a laugh. Sam’s heart beat, already jumping with joy that Cas was alive, quickened further.
“Cas? What happened back there, how did you get out?” Sam, feeling nervous now, got up to shut the door to the back rooms, so Dean couldn’t overhear.
“Where are you?”
“At a hospital in Lawrence. And I don’t know how I survived.” The again went unspoken.
“Are you okay?”
Castiel let out a breath, and Sam couldn’t recall ever noticing him breath so much.
“I’m alive. The doctors are letting me leave soon.” There was a long pause.
“And?”
“I’m human. The sacrifice was my grace.”
Sam sat back in the chair, his insides gone shaky. Cas had fallen. Fallen, capitol F.
“My god.”
Cas let out a huff of bitter laughter. “I doubt it was my father that brought me back as much as my terrible luck.”
Sam took a breath, and shook his head. “Don’t talk like that. You’re back, and everything’s going to be okay, alright. I’m mean, seriously, Dean is going to be thrilled.”
Cas was silent on the other end, disbelieving. Sam then registered that Lawrence Memorial Hospital was only about three hours away.
“Here, I’ll come get you. We’re close to there, and then we can figure it out.”
“No, Sam.” Cas said, nearly cutting him off.
“What? Why not? Dean--”
“I can’t face Dean yet. Don’t tell him, please.” Cas voice was quiet, ashamed sounding and pleading.
“Cas--”
He interrupted him. “I was just calling to let you know. I’m not asking for charity.”
“Cas, you can’t just not tell him. He’ll be furious!” Sam replied, sitting forward in his seat.
“I know. I’m going to tell him, just...”
There was a small silence.
“Is it because you kissed him?”
Cas still didn’t reply, but Sam now felt like he’d be getting a venomous glare had they been in the same room.
“Don’t assign human meanings to things you don’t understand, Sam.”
Sam raised his hand in defense, even though Cas couldn’t see him.
“Okay, okay. I’m just saying, you have to tell Dean. Soon. I don’t know how long I can keep this from him. Cas, he’s been so broken up over you. He’s grieving, man, and I don’t know what to do for him.” His throat thickened, and he felt anew his helplessness since it Cas’ grace had lit up the sky, and Dean shattered. Now, Cas was back, and the angel could fix his brother...but wanted to stay away? “Now that you’re alive, you can help him. Come on, we can figure this out, man. I’ll come get you.”
There was a long pause, and then a heavy sigh that sounded far too human to be coming from Cas.
“Not yet. Please, just a little time?” And Sam closed his eyes, thinking of those days of Dean being in pain still. “You sound better.” Cas then continued, obviously changing the subject. Sam breathed out, and remembered anew the rattle that had invaded his chest. Gone now.
“Yeah, the symptoms cleared up soon after you... I’m almost as good as new.”
“I’m glad.” Cas said, and he sounded it. Sam bit his lip, glancing at the closed door.
“Cas,” Sam started. “I can’t keep this from him, I can’t lie to him again. He’s hurting, Cas. And the longer you wait, the worse it will be for both of us. He’ll be angry, believe me.”
The other end was quiet for long enough that Sam had to check the front of the phone to make sure he hadn’t hung up. Finally shallow breathing sounded through the receiver and Sam realized with a rush that this wasn’t Cas being belligerent, this was Cas scared, terrified. Newly human, alone and struck down with the fear of being rejected from the one person he cared about most.
“I know...” Cas finally whispered. “I just...”
Sam wished he was there, that he could see his face (though he’d never been able to read Castiel as well as Dean had). Maybe he could comfort him, tell him that no matter how mad Dean was, he’d never reject him, he’d never send him away. Dean would take Cas back no matter what. But he didn’t have the words. Cas was too far away, and unknowable through the phone.
“Okay,” Sam just said. “We’ll figure it out, alright?” Sam ran a hand over his face. “When do you get out of the hospital?”
“Tomorrow, or the day after.”
Okay. I’ll send some money. You can get a room in town, and ...wait.”
Sam didn’t mention that the only thing that they were waiting for was Cas to say yes.
“Thank you, Sam.” Cas breathed, “And I’m sorry.” Sam felt a rush of fondness.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re okay, man. I really am.”
“You as well, Sam.”