Chapter Text
Life is fairly peaceful and happiness is where his hand can reach.
At eight, Anaxagoras first learned the Murphy’s Law. To his own demise, the actual practice was only done a week before his fifteenth birthday then everything went to hell on his highschool graduation.
He could not remember much of their parents. They had died at the right time, when his little mind has yet to be able to develop memories. Often times, he would hear his sister crying at night the moment she thought he already went asleep. Anaxagoras thinks sister is strong because she smiles like she didn’t miss them, like she didn’t slow her steps whenever she walks through their family portrait, like she didn’t try to hold back her tears whenever she brought Anaxagoras to places she said they had visited as a family before their parents left them first.
Anaxagoras cannot remember any stories she told him but it doesn’t make the one he can remember with his sister by his side, less sweet.
At six, he was a genius.
Knowledge, as complicated as it sounds, felt natural to him.
In one of their weekends, Diotima brought him to visit the biggest library in their city. Hours later, she begged to the security to let them have a few more minutes before carrying a sobbing child that keeps hitting her shoulders to stay longer. He was bribed with ice cream later on.
A couple of years later, a new neighbor arrived.
Anaxa was eight years old when his sister told him to open the door while she tends the garden. Through a peeping hole, he saw a random lady waiting patiently.
“Why hello there! So it’s true. We heard there’s a smart child in this neighborhood and since we’re new here, we were hoping that our dearest Phainon could get along with someone around his age.” The lady had smiled politely at him, then she peeked behind her nervously, giving a slight encouragement. “Come now Phainon, don’t be shy.”
With a push, Anaxa could finally look at the small kid that had kept himself hidden behind her all this time. His messy white hair clashed against the reddened face and glossy wide blue eyes that gave him one glance before facing down to the gift on his hand.
He mumbled something that Anaxa couldn’t quite hear. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that? I didn’t catch what you were saying,” he said soft and slowly, not wanting to scare the boy.
Phainon flinched and goes to stare at his mother for support. Ultimately only getting a whisper, ‘remember how we practiced’. He nods and take a deep breath. “D-do you like brownies?”
“Yes, I do like them.” Anaxa answered patiently while waiting him continue.
Anaxa saw the illusion of the boy’s white antennae hair twirling with joy. Phainon perks up. “I make!” then immediately close his mouth to fix his mistake, “No wrong, mom make,” he paused, shaking his head, “Mom make and I help! We make brownies for my new friend.”
Phainon had his hand stretched out, presenting the gift to him.
At some point, Anaxa heard her sister snickering behind him. Now since when did she arrive to the scene.
“I don’t remember us being friend.” He replied blankly. Something in his mind was itching to tease him a bit.
That, made Diotima cough and rush forward. “Naxa be nice.” She pat his head just a tad bit roughly, enough to wreck his hair. Anaxa frowned playfully but he tensed when he noticed how Phainon starts hiccupping and pulls his mother’s dress repeatedly.
“He don’t want friends with me.” Phainon wails between short breaths.
Maybe he went too far.
Anaxa turned his head to the side, avoiding his sister’s glare.
Phainon’s mother began to crouch down to wipe his tears. Diotima had to explain to both of them how Anaxa was joking around and he’ll be happy to be friends with Phainon. It took some time for Phainon to stop crying and listen to his mother’s advice.
When Anaxa finally look back at him, Phainon’s eyes and nose swell red but he had more determination. He puffs his chubby cheeks and yells;
“Can we be friend!”
There’s a sound of clapping above him but Anaxa ignores it.
He reached out to the brownies and smiles.
“Yes, we can be friend. My name is Anaxagoras, remember that and I’ll remember yours as well. Nice to meet you Phainon.”
Phainon’s tiny jaw went open for quite some time as the two older women talked to each other. Anaxa just stared at him expectantly, thinking he would need a moment to say something back. Instead, Phainon turns his head up to his mother, pulling her dress again for attention.
He then points at Anaxa while saying, “Mommy, I made friend with a pretty person.”
That was an unexpected reply.
“Did you now? Well don’t forget to treat your friend well and play a lot okay.” His mother giggled, giving a few more words with Diotima before bidding farewell.
“See you tomorrow friend!” Phainon yells and wave excitedly as the two walks away.
Anaxa waves back at him then looked at his sister accusingly. “What did you do?”
They go back inside, his sister sang amusedly, “I wouldn’t mind to having this house a bit more crowded. You’ll be fine having a friend visit from now on, right?” She questioned to make sure. Her tone also pleading. “Phainon seems like a cute kid. Maybe you can also teach him a thing or two.”
Anaxa was unconvinced but he does agree, Phainon was very cute. His cheeks reminds him of a dromas belly. It got Anaxa unconsciously jerk his hands as if he wants to feel the soft sensation.
“I can always prepare some snacks while you two play together.” His sister offered.
Anaxa crossed his hands. “It’s a deal.”
The first time Phainon visited, the boy was jumping around excitedly around his house. Anaxa lets him jump on his bed and tend his plushies. He’d draw on the blank papers given to him, smearing the canvas and his hands with colorful crayons. Occasionally, Phainon loved to ask questions.
“What color is mushroom?”
“It varies, so just choose whatever you like,” He answered then turned to another page.
Phainon would continue coloring but he turns to Anaxa with hurried steps and shows him the rows of colors. “What’s your color?”
It should roughly translate to ‘what color you want’, so Anaxa take one good look at the boy, then he chose the most vibrant blue.
Phainon holds the crayon in hand like it’s a treasure, running back to continue his art.
Anaxa would hear him blab anything on his mind. Sometimes he tunes in when it appears to be a something Phainon was curious about, giving out answer to satisfy the boy’s need. Even then, Phainon was one talkative kid. So when he noticed the lack of words, Anaxa glances from his book to see the white head lifting and dropping.
He grabbed a wet tissue to clean the colorful hands to avoid Phainon rubbing chemicals to his eyes. After that, Anaxa guides him to the bed, letting Phainon rest while clutching a dromas plushie bigger than the younger boy. Anaxa eyed him then made a decision.
He pinched and pulled Phainon’s cheek for the third time today. Phainon wails up slightly but sleepiness drowns his complains. Once Anaxa let go, he grabbed his previous book and drops to sit beside Phainon, leaning his back to the bed’s headboard.
Hearing a page being opened, Phainon stirred. He watches Anaxa with drowsy eyes. “You like reading.” It almost seems like a question but before Anaxa could answer, the boy continued, “Look fun. I can’t read yet, mom said.” Phainon couldn’t understand something he doesn’t know. “Can you read to me? Anaxa voice is pretty.”
Anaxa answered carefully, “It’s a beginner to physics.” Well, it could work as a bedtime story.
“What’s that?”
He sighs. “Nevermind. I can read to you from the beginning.” Anaxa turned to the first page. Words falling from one sentence to another. By the seventh page, he peeked to his side, Phainon was already sound asleep so he stopped talking and place his focus back to the book. He admits that Phainon was making him distracted so some materials flew over his head. Now, he can think a bit clearly.
There was a creaking from the front door being opened, followed by chattering of his sister with another familiar voice. Not long after, Phainon’s mother came to the bedroom, gawking the sight of her son sleeping soundly next to Anaxa. She quickly took a picture just as Anaxa was about to greet her.
At dinner, his sister was similar to Phainon. Frequently asking questions about his time with the boy. When she’s finally done, he was given a look. Anaxa couldn’t quite place what it means but it seems Diotima was just happy that he got along well with someone.
After all, he doesn’t have anyone close to him at school. Some kids greet him at first but Anaxa wasn’t one to constantly talk or play whenever he was asked to, preferring peace and an empty place to read. He understands quickly that a lot of kids finds him boring and slowly stopped asking him to play with them.
It gave him an idea.
Would Phainon end up thinking the same as them?
The next day, Phainon arrived to his household to play again and it went as well as the first day. The day later, it was Monday. Anaxa was eating his breakfast, watching his sister run one room to another to also prepare to go to her school. Then their doorbell rang. Once, twice, and repeatedly. He goes to the door, when he opened it, Phainon was still ringing on their doorbell two more times before he realized Anaxa was already staring at him.
They both turned to Phainon’s mother when she starts, “Your sister told me that you also went to the same school as Phainon. Would it be okay if the two of us walk together?”
With Diotima standing behind him (when did she??), it’s hard to say no.
On their way, Anaxa talked more to Phainon’s mother than the boy. Phainon only smiles wide, humming a nursery song, one hand holding his mother’s the other holding Anaxa’s. When they arrived, Phainon looked like he's going to cry but his mother assured him that he has nothing to fear since Anaxa will help take care of him.
Somehow, it works.
Anaxa, out of the responsibility given to him, brought Phainon to the teacher’s room. Since Phainon’s family just recently arrived in town, this was Phainon’s first day in his new school. His homeroom teacher was about to bring him to his class but it took some time for Phainon to eventually let go of Anaxa’s hand.
They have different classes after all. He’s a couple years older and was allowed to advance his education. Anaxa only promised that they’ll meet at break time, that’s how Phainon finally released him and they part ways.
Anaxa took out his lunch and continued reading where he left off. Just one more chapter until he complete this one and move on to the next book. The weather is tolerable, not so hot when he’s in the shadows of the tree in their school’s field, sitting on a bench he grows familiar with. From afar, he could see kids playing around. Then came a new crowd going outside, their class probably just got their break from the teacher. His two-colored eyes immediately dart to the center, catching the strays of white locks around his peers.
It’s no surprise that Phainon managed to garner the attraction of others. Probably his nature, if he weren’t such a crybaby when they first meet. The bigger his smile, the louder his friends laugh alongside him.
Friends.
Anaxa goes back to his book.
Phainon’s mother won’t have to be concerned about the boy adapting, he’s doing a great job on his own.
Like usual, Anaxa tunes out his surroundings. From words on a paper to his mind, the outside world is not a bother unless the bell rang out and he’d go back to class. Distantly, he heard a yelling. Nothing out of the ordinary. Anaxa tries to read the next sentence for the second time. The voice in the back of his mind was a familiar syllable and was distracting him.
He read the sentence for the third time.
It failed miserable as the book was closed. Not by his own will.
“Anaxa!”
He finally looked at the commotion, in front of him, Phainon was holding the closed book while slightly panting, sweat running down his chin with a frown on his face. Did he just run all the way from the other side of the field?
“Oh. Hi, Phainon.” He simply greets him. Too surprised to utter anything else.
Phainon’s eyes darts around. It fell to the book in his hand and back to Anaxa. “You didn’t answer when I call you.” He took one last look at the dark red cover before returning it to Anaxa.
So that’s the voice that was bothering him. “I fail to hear you calling out my name. Must’ve been to focused on reading.” Anaxa explained, receiving the book. Briefly, Anaxa leaned to his right to see the crowd of children watching them curiously from a distance. “Your friends are looking for you.” He figured. Then Anaxa smiles. “Go play with them.”
Phainon seems conflicted. “But you promise to be with me when break time.”
Anaxa’s breath hitched when he recognized the expression. His reputation was already unsavory enough, what will those kids and his teacher think if he made the golden boy cry. And to think Phainon was doing so great earlier.
He sighed and placed a hand gently to pat Phainon’s head. “I’m with you aren’t I? Just because you’re playing there and I’m reading here doesn’t mean we’re not together.” Phainon was thinking it over and Anaxa prays the boy has a decent logical capacity on his age to understand what he meant to say. “It’s like when you were sleeping next to me yesterday. Even if you were dreaming, I was next to you right?”
Anaxa knows the exact moment a lightbulb clicked from Phainon’s mouth gaping into an ‘o’. Then he smiles wide with a pink blush adoring his cheeks. “Then Anaxa will watch over me when I play?”
“Correct.” He nods.
With that, Phainon turned away and runs back to his friends.
Sometimes Anaxa would look up from his book when he hears a distant call, giving one glance and a wave whenever Phainon yells his name from afar.
This too, will be a new routine from now on.
The school was over, and as expected, Phainon was already waiting for him just near the entrance gate. They walked home side by side, Phainon holding his hand as soon as they met while talking to Anaxa about his first day.
He dropped Phainon first to his house. His mother thanking him, then she proceeds to give him what looks to be freshly cooked food for him and his sister. Anaxa gave his thanks as well, smiling slightly since his sister don’t have to prepare them dinner once she got home.
At night, Diotima purposely slows down her pace while eating when she noticed how Anaxa was talking more about his day.
Since then, Anaxa would start his day the moment his doorbell rang and he was greeted with an overly excited neighbor of his. Whenever Phainon went under the shades to Anaxa in the middle of his read, the older one would help wipe his sweats with a napkin and the younger will scurry back at the call of his friends. They still walk back together, sometimes Phainon will get home first as usual, other times he’ll stay in Anaxa’s place at night with his mother’s permission so that he can be tutored by Anaxa to do his homework or prepare for a test.
Such simplicity is comforting for many years to come.
One day, Phainon was peeling an orange when he asked, “Anaxa, have you decided on which school you’ll go?”
Anaxa wrote down another word before answering, “Yes. The one further from here seems good enough.”
“Then I’ll go there too!” Phainon declares and ate an orange.
Anaxa tilted his head, taking Phainon’s notebook. He gave one good look then he scribbled on the pages. “You would need better grade if you’re certain,” he says. Giving the note back to Phainon.
With that, Phainon’s face soured and he stared at Anaxa pleading, “but you’ll teach me right?”
“As much as you need.”
Maybe he worded that wrong since Phainon jumped on him just when Anaxa was about to continue writing his materials. His cheek brushing against Phainon’s and he had to take off his glasses before the rascal breaks it again. “You’re the best, Anaxa.”
Anaxa tries to push Phainon off from him by pulling on his collars. “I know that. Now get away from me, you’re heavy!”
Nothing much had changed.
Anaxa enjoyed his life as a loner more than anything. It gave him more time to be bothered with himself and not the matter of others. He had one other person that often run around in his mind and he decided that’s all he could manage.
In his third year, he got more attention thanks to a certain childhood friend.
Diotima opens the door and judging from the hurried steps, Anaxa quickly puts the plates on his hands to the table and braced for impact.
They fell to the floor unceremoniously.
“Anaxa, I got accepted!”
Phainon was greeted with a groan. “I get that much.” After being accustomed to his antics, Anaxa stopped trying to fight back.
He was let go not long after with Phainon laughing, lacking in remorse. Phainon stands up, towering him and gives a hand, pulling Anaxa from the floor.
Only then, Anaxa blinks and looks up slightly.
Puberty is really astounding. Just a couple years and Phainon had become taller than him. The trace of an innocent kid was fading, slow but sure.
“Would you like to have lunch with us Phainon?” Diotima asked after a small silence. They both turned towards her and Phainon gave an affirmation.
“Have you told your parents?” Anaxa pauses his chewing, sizing Phainon up and down. Seeing Phainon froze up mid bite and turning his head away was all that he needs to know. “You do know that this is the type of things they should know first?” He sighs, a headache already forming.
“I guess I got too excited…I thought you’d be happy to hear the news so I came here as soon as I can,” Phainon explained, his heart on his sleeves.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that, yes.” Anaxa adds quickly before Phainon could question it.
Recently he finds Phainon to be predictable. It doesn’t help that the younger boy would say stuffs that’s far too embarrassing for him to handle, so he had to stop him before he could utter another word. Even worse now with his sister’s knowing gaze.
“I’m sure your parents could figure that much once they notice that their only son was missing.” Diotima smiles, her hand resting oh her cheek. “Did you at least close the door on your way here?”
At that, Phainon sweats. “I uh, forgot.” He then took out his phone. “I should really tell them,” he mutters.
Anaxa felt the corner of his mouth turning up at the sound of her sister’s laugh.
Couple of days later, Anaxa woke up with a shadow on top of him. He focuses on his eyesight and for all its worth, he thought he was dreaming. Because why else is Phainon in his room, early in the morning, already wearing his new uniform. When and how did he get here anyway. Diotima never wakes up around this time, heck even Anaxa is always the first one to get up every day.
Phainon simply smiles. “C’mon Anaxa. Wouldn’t want to be late on a new semester.”
Anaxa dragged himself away to prepare. Halfway during his shower, he gave up thinking how Phainon managed to get inside his house. Probably the window.
They walked together, the similarities reflect to how they first got into elementary. Phainon still held onto his hand.
As he said, predictable.
Even when there’s a time when Anaxa had to drop Phainon off before going to his school. All because he was crying out to Anaxa, his sister, and his own parents at the thought of the two of them quitting their routine.
However, it’s far too much if he had to arrive on a new semester holding hand with someone like Phainon. When they were about to make a turn, Anaxa relaxed his grip. To his horrors, Phainon did not. They did end up getting a couple of stares all the way to the school’s entrance.
“Hey Anaxa, is that new kid your boyfriend?” Someone in his class asked. Anaxa felt the anticipation within the silence.
“No. Just someone in my neighborhood. He’s like a brother to me,” he answered swiftly. Leaving his desk before anyone could pose another unnecessary question.
Anaxa rests on the rooftop. One of the few spot that usually has less mass of students since many would rather hang around the cafeteria or run around the field. From above, it’s easy to catch Phainon. He always finds himself at the very center of a crowd. Everyone surrounding him was chatting actively but Phainon would sometimes turn his gaze elsewhere, searching for something, or someone.
Really, nothing has changed.
“Where were you? I visited your class at break and no one knows where you went.” Phainon questioned with a pout as they went home. His grip on Anaxa’s hand getting a bit tighter.
“I wonder where.” Anaxa hums.
Routine has it perks, but surely some things are supposed to change as they got older. It wouldn’t be a good look if Phainon spend too much time around a loner like him. What is he supposed to tell auntie if people starts to avoid Phainon because he’d rather stay on the rooftop with Anaxa instead of socializing as he’s meant to be?
“I did saw you today. You looked like you’re having fun.” Anaxa said instead. His eyes stayed to the small book on his hand, flipping the page with a thumb.
“Oh, you uh saw?” Phainon was oddly silenced. He gulps and mutters, “so you were watching me.”
“Hm? Did you say something?”
“Nothing. Also, didn’t Diotima asked us to buy some bread on our way home? Let’s stop by at the store we usually go to.”
Everything went wrong then. On that day.
It’s a new semester to Phainon but it’s almost Anaxa’s last. There’s a good highschool that he aims but even though all the teacher was already praising and confirming that he has more than what it takes to be accepted, nothing is ever wrong with learning more.
Phainon entered a basketball club, that much is expected. Good for Anaxa since the golden boy always has people around him whenever they could potentially meet. Which means it’s easier for Anaxa to hide and avoid him while Phainon gets distracted.
The one time they accidently caught each other’s eyes, Phainon rushed to greet him, ignoring the calling of his friends. Really, Anaxa wouldn’t mind if he didn’t get stared silently as Phainon’s group of friends starts whispering.
It’s hard enough to figure out how he can escape the situation without seemingly too avoidant that Phainon starts to get curious.
He decided then, that he will do as he can to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
To his luck, Phainon never brought it up.
Unbeknownst the them. That was the first catalyst.
Weeks later, they fall into a new routine.
Phainon had taken more time after schools for his club activities. It should meant that he and Anaxa can stop going home together. But somehow, Anaxa instead would spend his time to study at a nearby library. Elated was an understatement. The library closes at 9 pm. Phainon never fail to stop by even if he still smells like sweat, even if he had a particularly rough training that day, even if it rains. Because Anaxa is always waiting there. And they can hang out until Anaxa feels satisfied with his learning. That alone could lift any weight on Phainon’s shoulder.
The second.
They were about to enter midterms and everything seemed to be against the golden boy. His club activities still goes on despite everyone having to finish their academic workload. Whenever he visit the libray, Anaxa would focus on his own homework, barely replying to Phainon’s word, enough to be a simple answer but lacking so, so much. Phainon tries to work on his own assignment to cool off his irritation.
On the unluckiest day, Phainon would arrive with green covering his reason. Anaxa with a bunch of his classmates around him. Group assignment they said. Some tries to talk to Phainon and he’d reply with barely contained civility. He’d reach out to Anaxa whenever he needs any consultation on his homework since Anaxa is his mentor, apparently, when one of his classmates asked to Anaxa.
Torturous is the word when he finds a girl that’s sitting too close to Anaxa and a guy that would sling his hand forcefully on Anaxa’s shoulder to ask an insignificant question. Can’t Anaxa see that they’re taking advantage of his kindness?
The group assignment last for two weeks.
Two weeks’ worth of privacy ruined.
The third.
Finally.
Finally, they’re alone.
It doesn’t matter if Anaxa isn’t replying him as much. As long as no one else was around to have him. With many tests closing, eyebags starts to show on Anaxa’s face. Sometimes, Anaxa would fall asleep and he’d ask for Phainon to wake him up from 30 minutes to an hour after he slept. If he didn’t ask, then Phainon would stir him awake when it’s time for the library to close. He wonders why was Anaxa pushing himself so hard when he’s already the smartest person he knows. Most of the thing he learned are not even within their level nor is it on their nearest tests. Anaxa was already preparing third year and university materials at best.
Anaxa should rest more if it was up to Phainon.
The fourth.
It was supposed to be like any other day.
There’s one problem made Anaxa stuck for more than an hour by now. Next to him, Phainon was humming and writing down his own studies for his test next week. Every second without a lead to solve the question brought frustration.
Maybe all he needs is a little sleep. He can figure it out once he’s awake.
Anaxa couldn’t remember if he managed to let Phainon know that he wanted to be woken up by the next hour.
While Anaxa slept, his phone kept on ringing. It rang loudly first, then Phainon took one look, unlocking the phone and putting it on silent. Notification turned from 10 to 30 in mere minutes. Then nothing. His battery ran out.
The fifth and final.
Phainon also stared at his own phone. He could figure a thing or two from the notification he receives from his parents. It starts of with five to eight sentences, he’d often see the word ‘help’ then ‘love you’. His father still actively trying to call him, when Phainon doesn’t answer, he turns to texting him over and over. At some point, his mother had stopped texting him. Once his father stopped, his mother had sent him something. It was too long for him to read from the notification alone.
Her final will, he realizes.
Then nothing.
A minute went on in silence.
He puts away his phone to rest his head beside Anaxa. He looked so pretty whenever he’s asleep. Anaxa is always on his guard when he’s awake. Seeing him like this is truly a scenery he refuses to miss.
The dead can be mourned later on.
The one that’s still alive, his Anaxa, is someone who’s worth of worship because he’s the one still breathing so soundly and within his reach.
Anaxa woke up with Phainon’s jacket around his shoulder.
“Oh. Finally awake, princess? Right on time as well before we get kicked out.”
There’s a certain glee in his tone that helped Anaxa wake himself up. He wanted to look at the time but apparently his phone had died. “What time is it?” He asked groggily.
Phainon looked up to the clock instead of peeking at his own device. “We have thirty more minutes before nine.”
Anaxa plopped his head back to the table. He’s a bit tempted to fall asleep again, but he’d rather not repeat the incident where Phainon had to carry his unconscious body all the way to his house.
He had avoided seeing his sister’s smirk in the morning.
They packed up, hands joined since they left the library.
Nearing their neighborhood, dread starts to creep in.
Too many people, it’s too loud.
Anaxa tries not to think much. His breath getting quicker with every step. He prays so that they’ll see the commotion faster and further away from where they live. But it did not. Anaxa turns to pray that whatever it is, his sister is okay.
They finally see police cars lining. Too close to comfort.
Everything was too much. So Anaxa starts to sprint.
He ignored anyone that called him. He ran until he saw a familiar green hair who turned at him with wide eyes, red from crying.
Anaxa wanted to comfort her but he only has one hand available. The other, for some reason, has yet to leave Phainon’s grip.
He couldn’t hear his sister at first. “Auntie and uncle, they couldn’t save them. The fire was too big and the wind—,” Anaxa held his sister close. Gratefulness comes first, that she’s still alive and well. “Oh Phainon, I’m so sorry. I could’ve done something.” Her sister sobbed next to his ears.
Phainon? Why him?
Oh.
Anaxa turned his head. The house that had birthed such warmth in his life, the people who had allowed Phainon to exist, all turned to ash.
“Phainon, it will be okay,” he managed to croaked out. Holding his hand tighter.
The younger man only looked at his former house. Eyes deep blue like the dark sea. He didn’t cry or scream out in despair. He didn’t yell at anyone.
Anaxa only saw him crying at the funeral.
He never knew his heart was capable of cracking that much with every sob coming from his dearest friend.
That day, Phainon’s hand never left his.