Chapter Text
I never had dreams or ambitions that I wished to fulfill.
I don’t aspire to any profession or career.
Up until now, in the fifteen years of my life, things have always happened as they should.
That is why I never cared if I were to get involved in some accident and end up dying.
I wrote this in a school essay... And the teacher obviously asked me to take the assignment more seriously...
Beyond the silence, birds chirped during the sunny evening... and it was hot, excessively hot. They stayed far from the red sea that stretched as far as the eye could see; their instincts naturally demanded it. Machines, however, lacked the natural instinct of a living being—especially when their sole purpose was destruction. These were remote-controlled military cannons, the latest and most refined generation of weapons graced by military engineering. They were aimed at that crimson sea, awaiting the arrival of a long-expected enemy.
The birds continued to chirp.
Above the cannons, advanced tanks were lined up along the streets adjacent to the verdant mountains, like serpents waiting for their prey to falter before delivering a swift, deadly strike. They, however, were better suited for the role of prey rather than predator.
The birds chirped, and the song of the cicadas joined the orchestra.
The sun moved slightly toward the west.
The red sea began to splash; the gentle waves hitting the white sand were replaced by larger, more turbulent, and stronger swells. The automated cannons and the tank barrels adjusted five millimeters downward. Toward the enemy.
The red sea parted.
And the prophet of destruction emerged.
THE REFRAIN OF EVANGELION 1.0:
You Must (Not) Run Away
1.01: I (DON’T) NEED YOU
“Due to the state of emergency, all lines have been deactivated.”
The static hiss that followed signaled the end of the automated message. He sighed and returned the phone to its cradle. Stepping back, he looked around. The monorails were also stationary and wouldn't be running for a long time. He huffed, grabbed the handle of his leather suitcase, and headed toward the wide, white steps of the station. Shinji Ikari descended the stairs at a calm, rhythmic pace, deciding to use the last step as a seat. He sighed again, feeling defeated.
Looking around, he found only desolation. Empty streets, overturned cars, and abandoned buildings with shattered windows. And the chorus of birds and cicadas.
He felt like he was in a city of ghosts.
The boy reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a folded photo along with a letter:
“From Misato to Shin-chan”
He unfolded the photo and saw the woman who must have sent it. “I’ll come pick you up, so just wait, okay?” The words, hastily scribbled over the photo, ended with a drawing of a heart and a red lipstick mark. Shinji looked at the woman’s image again, carving it into his fifteen-year-old brain. She appeared tall and slender, with a narrow face and purple hair framing her features. She was leaning forward, flashing a victory sign. She wore short denim shorts and a yellow shirt that—as she so pointedly noted on the photo—had a neckline displaying her cleavage at the limit of the acceptable. And over it, a necklace with a silver cross.
She was beautiful, he recognized that, but she was strange. After all, what normal adult would send a photo like that to a teenager? And what is she to my father, anyway... He sighed again, tucking the photo and the unsealed envelope back into his pocket. I’d better look for a shelter, he thought, rising from the step. He picked up his suitcase once more and decided to follow the path ahead, thinking that if he searched aimlessly, he might stumble upon one.
Besides, why shelters? he wondered as he walked down the abandoned street. Is there a war going on or something? If that were indeed the case, it would explain why no one was in the streets... but not why his father had called him after three years without a single word exchanged between them.
To say he was surprised to receive a letter from his father on his birthday would be more than an euphemism. “I need you,” the letter said, arriving alongside a stack of documents he didn't quite understand.
“I need you”
The words had been echoing in his mind since that day. They were short, simple, and direct, written without a shred of delicacy or sensitivity. Much like the way he remembered his father speaking. He was dry, harsh, grave, and unyielding. It was a tone that admitted no disagreement, no delays, and no failures. A tone that possessed neither warmth nor coldness. A neutral, empty tone, as if the very capacity for speech were nothing more than a burden.
Perhaps that was why he found his father’s subordinate such a strange woman. He believed that someone working with his father wouldn't be so... open? He didn't know exactly how to define her. He sighed again; he shouldn't be there, he didn't want to be there... But if that were true, why had he waited so anxiously to reach this point?
His questioning faded for a moment when he felt a shiver run down his spine and reach his neck. Instinctively, he turned, and his eyes widened at the sight of an atypical female silhouette standing in the middle of the desolate street. She appeared young, about his age...
And she had crimson eyes.
He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his free fist before reopening them, only to find the young observer gone, as if she had been nothing more than a momentary mirage.
What?
His thoughts were abruptly interrupted when he felt a gust of air rush past him, hissing down the street and howling between the buildings. He shielded himself with his arms as the intense wind shattered windows, rattled metal gates, and swept leaves through the abandoned streets. After the sudden gale passed, he looked up as the collective roar of rotating blades reached his ears. His gaze shifted to the verdant mountain behind him, and his confusion deepened as he saw a dozen military helicopters flying eastward.
What are they doing here!?
His question was answered when he saw a terrifying being reveal itself behind the coastal mountains, like the materialization of a nightmare. It was a tall, titanic, humanoid creature of anomalous geometry; it had the shape of an inverted triangle, a thin waist, and limbs disproportionately long and thin for its body, paired with exaggeratedly large shoulders. Its skin was black as gasoline, and its apparent head was located in the center of its massive frame—a white skull with small holes and a long curved beak over a scarlet sphere, protected by external ribs that looked like a giant's fingers.
Shinji trembled at the sight, his shaking fingers dropping the suitcase on the ground as his feet recoiled from the creature; a profane incarnation of a maddened nightmare. Fear and confusion seeped into and intertwined within his heart.
What is that!?
Suddenly, guided missiles streaked across the sky and struck the monstrous titan like lightning. Explosions thundered, reverberating for miles, while smoke rose above the buildings and houses. Shinji, being just a boy, threw his arms over his head and curled up, as if that alone were enough to protect him from any blast that might hit him.
The monster extended its thin arm and, with a movement that seemed to tear the very air, its long claws sliced through three military helicopters instantly. Shinji could feel the twisted metal of one of the helicopters crash just meters from the station, sending a wave of heat and debris toward him. Amidst the cacophony, the boy failed to notice the sound of tires on the cracked asphalt or the car that pulled up behind him.
“Sorry I’m late!” a light voice exclaimed. It was a vibrant voice, out of place in that apocalyptic setting. A breath of relief amidst the chaos.
The boy looked back and saw a dark blue car with the passenger door open, revealing the driver. He recognized her immediately; it was the woman from the photo. She was, obviously, wearing different clothes than in the picture; she wore a tight black tank top and a short leather skirt held at her hips by a belt, but her cross necklace remained around her neck, the ancient symbol still dangling over her bust. Her eyes, clear in the photo, were now hidden by sunglasses.
“What are you waiting for!?” she urged. “Get in!”
With no other choice, he grabbed his suitcase and took a step forward.
“The target continues to advance with no apparent damage.”
Fury born of fear took root in the hearts of the men occupying the Command Center. One of the commanders, the youngest among the quintet, snapped a pencil between his fingers with a dry crack, his eyes remaining glued to the massive monitor before him.
“The Air Force won't be able to finish off this monster.”
The eldest of the commanders—a man whose medals now looked like useless trinkets from a bygone era—bolted upright from his chair, slamming his palms onto the long table. Veins bulged in his neck from sheer frustration.
“Use everything you’ve got!” he roared. His voice wavered between the authority of a general and the desperation of an ordinary man facing an unknown force. “ELIMINATE THE TARGET!!”
His scream was merely a desperate plea. No bullet, missile, or bombardment would be enough to destroy that terrifying creature. No, it wasn't a simple creature; it looked more like an incarnate disaster pulled from the gloomiest of nightmares.
When the smoke from the attack cleared, the creature remained intact, as if it had never been touched. Cries of despair rippled through the Command Center as the generals shouted in their desperate ignorance. On an upper platform, two men remained silent, impassive as they observed the main monitor.
One was an elderly, tall man who radiated wisdom through the dark eyes of his angular, ascetic face. The other was a tall man, a few years younger and several inches shorter. His short dark hair connected to a beard that covered only his jaw and chin. Polarized glasses obscured his eyes, giving him an even more impersonal appearance. Both wore dark uniforms with yellow trim and insignias different from those of the military; after all, they were not part of that armed body.
“An A.T. Field...” the elder murmured, stroking his prominent chin.
“To be expected,” the other commented, interlacing his gloved fingers in front of his face as he leaned over the console. The lenses of his glasses seemed to glint under the chamber's lights. “Conventional weapons are useless against those who have eaten from the Fruit of Life.”
One voice stood out among the desperate. One of the five generals ended a call and hung up the landline. His voice carried a slight veil of calm and confidence, even though his heart was a whirlwind of fear and hesitation:
“We will proceed with Plan B.”
“What on earth are they planning to do?”
The woman leaned out of the car window, using binoculars to watch the monster and the human movements among the city's skyscrapers, now miles away. Misato, Shinji thought, her name is Misato Katsuragi. Suddenly, Misato Katsuragi shouted in disbelief, lowering her binoculars:
“They’ve lost it! They’re going to use an N2 Mine!”
She quickly turned toward the boy and threw herself over him in an attempt to protect him, screaming:
“GET DOWN!”
In the sky above the city, a cylindrical projectile fell toward the monster like a final drop of a long-passed rain. The world seemed to fall silent in that moment.
Before being filled by the grandest of explosions.
The horizon was devoured by a white flash, consuming the nearby buildings and mountains like an artificial sun, expanding into a dome of absolute destruction, carrying the echo of a thousand thunders.
In the Command Center, euphoria took hold of the men's hearts. The enemy appeared to have been destroyed. The younger generals exulted in the victory, and one of them turned to one of the men hidden in the darkness of the room, smiling arrogantly. “It seems we won’t be needing your help Gendo Ikari.”
The man in glasses did not respond, maintaining a serious and unaltered expression. And, like Gendo, the eldest of the generals remained seated at his table, tense, with his fists clenched together. He was the only one in his group who held uncertainty in his heart. “Check the target's status” the general ordered. “You saw that explosion, General!” the youngest exclaimed. “There’s nothing left!”
However, when the large central monitor flickered on, terror returned to the men's hearts. The enemy was alive—a black colossus standing over a crater of destruction composed of flames, soot, smoke, and desolation. The monster, however, had been affected by the explosion... infinitesimally. Black bubbles swelled upon its skin and scratches traced its massive frame. And, most horrifying of all, a new head was beginning to grow beneath the original, as if it were some kind of a hydra.
“What a monster...” The words seemed to tremble as they left the veteran general's throat. “What kind of monster is this...?”
“The Fourth Angel” Gendo Ikari declared. His voice rose like a magistrate among the men, imposing his presence in the Command Center as if, suddenly, everything in that place belonged to him. “Sachiel.”
“Fourth Angel...?” The veteran general let out a dry laugh and continued in an ironic tone: “He looks more like a demon.”
“Are you okay?”
The serene tone with which the woman questioned him only served to reinforce the image Shinji was beginning to form of her: Strange. No ordinary woman would react with such nonchalance upon seeing her car overturned amidst a layer of sand created by the explosion of a military bomb. He used to think everyone who worked with his father would be cold and somber... But now he was starting to wonder if they weren't just crazy and weird.
“Yes,” he replied, bluntly.
“Thank goodness,” Misato sighed in relief, before turning toward her upside-down Alpine and walking toward the vehicle. “Come on, Shinji, I need your help.”
The boy sighed, but went to assist the woman in flipping her Alpine A310 back over. It took a while to complete the task; after all, neither of them possessed notable physical strength. But in the end, they managed to right the car, despite feeling the toll of the effort in their bodies. The car had sustained considerable damage, with dents all over its metallic body and a few fallen parts. It did, however, still look drivable.
Katsuragi brushed herself off, removing the excessive dust from her clothes. “Ah... I just bought this skirt...” she murmured.
That was what she was worried about?
“Well, it all worked out in the end,” the woman smiled, an attempt to bolster her own spirits. “By the way, thanks for the help, Shinji.”
“Oh, no. I should be the one thanking you for getting me out of that mess, Ms. Katsuragi.”
“You can call me Misato, Shinji,” she gave him a captivating smile.
They returned to the interior of the car, and Misato crossed her fingers as she turned the key, praying it would start. Fortunately, it did, and the euphoria brought by the sound of the engine made the driver plant a kiss on the steering wheel, praising her car as if it were a divine gift. Soon, the woman stepped on the gas, and the vehicle began to move forward.
“If it had broken down, it would’ve been terrible,” Misato murmured, relieved. “I haven’t even finished paying off all the installments yet...”
As if by life’s irony, the car sputtered and jolted, threatening to break. The woman swallowed hard, but her good mood didn't seem altered by the adversities she had faced so far. Shinji hesitated to speak to her, preferring to remain in silence, observing her with his dark blue eyes.
The woman, however, didn't seem to want him kept in silence. “You’re awfully quiet, aren’t you? Are you okay?” she asked, giving him an inquiring look.
“Huh? Yes, I’m fine,” the boy replied, but there was no certainty in his voice.
“Are you sure?” There was genuine doubt in Misato’s eyes. “I thought you’d be all talkative, asking a ton of different things... Like, what was that giant monster that almost blew us up.”
“Well, I figured you’d tell me eventually,” the boy replied, looking straight ahead. At last, they left the cloud of dust and began moving onto the asphalt.
“Oh... Well, I guess you’re right, Shinji,” Misato said with a smile, turning her eyes back to the road. “That thing you saw in the city is called an ‘Angel.’”
“An Angel?” He had heard of such celestial beings, but he never imagined they looked like that thing.
“A creature that seeks the destruction of all humanity,” the woman explained, her fingers tightening around the leather of the steering wheel. “And it’s part of my job to stop them.”
“Wait a second...” The gears in the boy's mind turned quickly. “My father’s job is to stop things like that!? How is that even possible!? That thing tore through missiles like they were paper!”
Misato gave him an enigmatic smile.
“You’ll find out how soon enough, young man.”
“The command of the operation will be handed over to you, Ikari,” the eldest of the generals declared in a somber tone. “We wish to see what you can do.”
“Yes, sir,” said the dark man, standing before the figures of the five frustrated generals. His mere presence seemed to subdue the men before him, even though they boasted numerous medals for service to their country. Beside him, Kozo Fuyutsuki remained like an austere statue from another era.
“Our weapons didn't work...” spoke the youngest of the officers, his voice trembling slightly, hopelessness etched on his face. “Can you... Can you actually defeat that thing...?”
“My dear sirs...” Gendo raised his white-gloved hand to his glasses, adjusting them on his face. The man seemed to grow larger after this simple gesture. “That is what NERV was created for.”
The steel gates that loomed into view bore a... strange symbol. One the boy had never seen in his fifteen years of life. It looked like an autumn leaf, blood-red, bisected diagonally, resting against letters that formed the word “NERV.” Below this symbol, a phrase was arranged in a semi-circle:
“God’s In His Heaven, All’s Right With The World.”
“NERV?”
“It’s a special organization that reports directly to the UN,” she explained, swiping a magnetic card through the reader with a fluid motion.
The heavy steel gates groaned open before them like the entrance to a giant's lair. Shinji couldn't help but feel intimidated. Is this where my father works? he wondered as Misato drove her battered car forward, crossing the threshold with a jolt.
He knew his father worked on something important. Whenever he asked his tutor about his father's job, the man always replied that it was of extreme importance. “Something that will determine the future of humanity,” he had told him once. He had never truly believed that answer; to the boy, it just seemed like an excuse for having abandoned him...
He shook his head, pushing those painful memories to the farthest corner of his mind. He then took in his surroundings. He had been so submerged in his own melancholy that he hadn't noticed when Misato parked on a metallic platform. The ground shuddered, and with an electronic hum, they began to descend along a diagonal track into a somber tunnel, where small bluish lights flickered on the ceiling and floor, failing miserably at the task of illumination.
“So, this is where my father works, huh...” Shinji murmured, watching the lights streak past.
“Exactly,” Misato affirmed. She took a moment to check her reflection in the rearview mirror, touching up her red lipstick with a precision that contrasted with her reckless driving. “Cool, isn't it?”
“Yeah... I guess so...” the boy grumbled, sounding less than thrilled.
“What a sour kid!” Misato complained with a frown. Then, she flashed a smile. “Want to see something that’ll blow your mind?”
“Huh?” He turned toward the woman.
Katsuragi pointed in the opposite direction, and Shinji followed her gaze. The moment his eyes shifted to the right, the tunnel fell away and a new landscape emerged. He couldn't help but gape at the sight. The sterile blue of the tunnel lights was replaced by golden beams of sunlight streaming from a vast dome at the top of a gargantuan, cavernous vault.
A vast green expanse unfolded below, where groves and flowers could be seen, and at its center, a great pyramid had been constructed. It was as if he had discovered some ancient civilization forgotten by time. However, what impressed him most was when he looked up and saw a city at the top of the dome... upside down. The buildings hung like stalactites of steel, glass, and concrete, defying gravity.
“Wow!” he exclaimed, awestruck.
“I told you it would blow your mind, didn't I? The Geofront is quite a sight,” Misato said in a friendly, warm tone. Her index finger pointed toward the central pyramid of the colossal cavern. “And that pyramid down there is NERV headquarters. The key to protecting humanity.”
The intercom announced: “Second Cooling Phase complete!”
Finally.
Among the red bubbles swirling in the darkness of the liquid Bakelite, she swam back to the surface, emerging onto a cold metal rim of the operations platform. She exhaled deeply as she removed her mask; the relief of breathing oxygen mixed with the scent of metal was always welcome, if somewhat unpleasant. A team member quickly brought her a towel—a young woman with dark black hair and kind eyes.
“Thank you, Maya,” she said, wiping the liquid from her face. Then, she stood up and turned to her team, speaking in her professional voice: “Finish the Third Phase of preparation. And don't forget the apoptosis process; it has to move as fast as possible if it’s going to face that thing.”
“Understood!” the team exclaimed in unison.
She sighed and began walking away from the operations platform with the towel draped over her shoulders. She felt exhausted after diving into liquid bakelite, but she couldn't stop yet. There was much to be done.
While changing in the locker room, removing her diving suit and putting on her lab coat, the intercom suddenly called her:
“Attention, Doctor Akagi Ritsuko. Operations Major Katsuragi, accompanied by the Third Liaison, are located at Route-8.”
Ritsuko huffed again.
“Incredible. How does that woman still manage to get lost down here?”
The automated walkways emitted the low, constant hum of machines at work. Shinji found the sound somewhat pleasant to listen to... but he didn't want to stay on those belts for another half hour. They had left the car at least an hour ago and still hadn't reached his father’s office. Shinji was starting to believe they would never get there at all.
In front of him, Misato was staring at the map in her hands from every angle known to man. She’s lost, Shinji realized as he went back to reading the manual she had handed him. It was a basic handbook for recruits joining NERV. Shinji read a page and understood only half of it. The only certainty he had was the massive amount of technical information packed into those pages.
That manual only gave him one certainty that day: his father had called him for the sole and exclusive reason that he needed him for something. The mystery was what that "something" actually was. What could be so important that it prompted a letter to his son after three years of total silence? It was this curiosity that drove him to continue this strange journey—a curiosity that had replaced any other emotional motivation in his heart regarding this long-awaited reunion.
“Misato...” Shinji called out hesitantly as they walked through a sterile corridor... just like many others they had passed during that half-hour inside the mysterious base. “Are you sure we’re heading the right way?”
“Of course we are!” She let out a nervous laugh. She definitely didn't have the slightest idea where they were going. “Don't worry, Shinji. We’ll be where your father is soon, okay?”
Suddenly, the nearest elevator emitted a beep, indicating it had reached the floor. Both Misato and Shinji froze and turned to face the newcomer in the hallway. Misato winced with embarrassment as a tall, slender blonde woman with short hair stepped out of the elevator, wearing a white lab coat over the standard NERV staff uniform. Her green eyes flashed with disapproval as she looked at Katsuragi, who now seemed to be hiding behind the brown-haired boy. Shinji noticed a mole just below the blonde woman's left eye, a detail that gave her a certain air of elegance.
“You’re late, Major Katsuragi,” she said, like a mother disappointed in her daughter.
“Ah, Ritsuko...” Misato’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
“You’re so late that I was sent to find you,” the doctor sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. “You know we don't have time for this, don't you?”
“Oh, Ritsu...” Misato scratched the back of her neck, an embarrassed smile plastered on her face. “You know I forget the layout here sometimes, right?”
The doctor had a retort ready, but the words died on her tongue when her eyes landed on the brown-haired boy standing between her and the irresponsible Major. A small smile formed on her lips. The resemblance was undeniable. The boy really did look like his father.
“So, you’re the Third Child, huh?”
Third Child? What does that mean?
“I’m Shinji Ikari, pleased to meet you,” the boy greeted her almost mechanically, just as his tutor had taught him.
“I am Dr. Ritsuko Akagi,” the scientist replied. “I’m part of the First Engineering Division. The Supervisor of Project E. It's a pleasure to meet you.”
The doctor turned back toward the elevator panel, her eyes still fixed on the boy.
“Come with me, Shinji. There’s something I want to show you before you meet your father.”
The Angel resumed its advance. It tore through buildings, streets, houses, forests, and mountains as it headed toward Neo-Tokyo 3. Its progress was displayed on a large monitor in a Command Center—different from the one used by the military. It was divided into three distinct platforms; two were positioned side-by-side, bridged by a platform below, like great pillars. Each platform held a large gray block crowned with a square red top. The three formed the server for a single supercomputer called MAGI.
Behind these three platforms, another rose above them. This one housed no server; it was simply the seat of the NERV Commander. The seat of Ikari Gendo, who watched the Angel through the screen in front of him.
“The Angel has passed the final defense perimeter!” shouted one of the officers below, a tall man with long black hair. “It will reach the city in less than five minutes!”
“Send personnel to battle stations!” Ikari Gendo ordered in his powerful, authoritative voice.
“Yes, sir!”
Then, the man in glasses turned to his “right hand,” Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki Kozo, standing beside him.
“I’ll leave the rest to you, Fuyutsuki.”
“Yes, sir.”
Gendo then walked to a marked area of the platform, which revealed itself to be a lift as soon as he pressed a button on his control panel. The NERV commander descended.
“Three years since father and son last saw each other...” Kozo murmured to himself before turning back to his subordinates.
They were crossing a sea of blood when the intercom blared: "First Line of Defense, go to battle stations! First Line of Defense, go to battle stations!"
Misato rose suddenly from the boat, looking upward with a flash of confusion in her eyes. Shinji, at her side, was just as bewildered.
"Wait, what does this mean!?" Misato turned to Ritsuko, who was steering the boat with an unshakeable calm. "Rei is still injured. Does Commander Ikari intend to put her inside the Eva in that state?"
"You will understand soon enough, Misato," she replied, before lapsing into an enigmatic silence.
Misato murmured her discontent but sat back down as the boat cut through that trench of reddish water. Shinji’s mind, however, focused on what this "Eva" thing was. Was it some kind of weapon to defeat that monster? And if so, why did it need to be used by a specific person? Questions piled up in his mind until the boat docked at a platform at the end of the wide passage.
The platform served as a pier, unfolding upward into an L-shaped staircase leading to a metal portal.
"We’re here," Akagi declared, switching off the boat's motor.
She led them up the stairs, and they stopped before the steel portal. Upon crossing it, they found themselves in a chamber engulfed in darkness. Ritsuko pulled a lever installed on the side of the door, and light dispersed the gloom, brought forth by powerful lamps that made the boy close his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his eyes widened at the sight of what had been hidden by the darkness.
A colossal, purple construct lay dormant, like a beast from ancestral times. Its head was a fusion of human and beast, with narrow, sleeping eyes, a pointed jaw—lined with steel teeth—and a long horn rising from between its eyes. It was submerged in the same liquid they had traveled through to get there, and Shinji could see green accents in its folds, noticing how surprisingly slender the metal titan was.
"A... A giant robot!?" The boy was dumbfounded as he moved toward the bridge at the center of the chamber, driven to face the monument head-on.
Misato followed him with a serene expression. Unlike the boy, she knew what that colossus was.
"Hm... It could fit that definition," Akagi said, stepping beside Shinji, her hands in the pockets of her white lab coat as she turned her gaze toward the magnificent creation. "The term 'robot' originates from the idea of a man created by artificial means. This is, in fact, a synthetic android. A modified human construct. The glory of science. Shinji, you are looking at humanity's ultimate weapon, it’s final trump card to prevent its own extinction. The Evangelion."
"Evangelion..." the boy whispered, his tongue tasting the strange word. His attention was completely locked on the construct; he felt the awe of a man witnessing a profound new discovery. "This is my father’s work...?"
"Correct."
The words were sudden, and the voice that spoke them resonated through the chamber in a subtle echo, a metallic tone Shinji knew all too well. He recognized the voice immediately, and his heart seemed to skip a beat. His eyes darted upward toward a square observation window located high above the creature's head. It was there he found his father. For the first time in three years.
He still maintained the same rigid posture, and his presence remained unchanged from three years ago, when he had turned and walked away. His eyes, hidden behind orange-tinted lenses, showed no warmth. Only the coldness of a man with a heart of iron.
"It has been a long time, Shinji."
The tone in which those words left his father’s mouth shattered any hope he might have held in his heart. It was so impersonal, so distant, so... so cold.
"Father..."
He looked away. Fleeing. Again. Gendo proceeded:
“Shinji, listen to what I am about to say now,” his tone remained the same, unaltered in any way. “You will enter the Eva and you will pilot it. You will fight and defeat the Angel.”
Fear was replaced by shock. Was he truly ordering Shinji to get into that thing? Was he really ordering him to face that monster? His father? And how... how could he speak of it in such a banal tone and with an expression so... so... so cold...
Shinji felt Misato’s fingers tighten on his right shoulder as she stepped forward to question the commander. She, unlike his father, saw the absurdity of what was being proposed. She, unlike his father, seemed to care about him.
“Wait a moment, Commander! Even Ayanami Rei took seven months to synchronize with the Eva! It’s impossible for a boy with no prior training to pilot Unit One!”
“He only needs to get into the Eva.” Once again, the same irreducible tone in his voice. “That is all I expect of him.”
“But—!”
“Major Katsuragi!” the Doctor exclaimed to her friend. “Our priority now is to defeat the Angel. At the moment, our only choice is to put inside it whoever possesses the slightest possibility of synchronizing with it.”
Misato bit her lower lip and did not respond, unable to find any viable alternative at that moment. She then crossed her arms and looked in another direction. She did not want to face the boy. For a moment, there was silence in the room.
“You’re joking, right...!?”
Shinji’s voice was heard amidst the silence. All eyes turned to him as the boy clenched his fists and cast his face downward. Gendo did not answer his son, so he continued to speak, his words trembling and brittle:
“You... You want me to get into this robot and... and fight that monster I saw up there...?”
“Correct.”
“There’s no... there’s no way I can do something like that...” The boy’s entire body was shaking.
“Just accept the explanation and get into the robot, Shinji.”
“I’M NOT GOING TO DO IT!” the boy exploded, raising his face to stare at his father defiantly. “I... I thought you didn't need me!”
“If I called you here, it’s because I do,” Gendo’s voice did not waver.
“But... But I don’t understand. Why me!?”
“You don’t need to understand, just get into the robot.”
“NO!” The boy lowered his eyes, but clenched his fists even tighter. “Is this why you called me here!? To order my death!?”
Silence returned once more to the room. Everyone’s eyes went from Shinji to Gendo, and from Gendo to Shinji. Everyone waiting for an answer. And then, Gendo replied:
“Since that is your decision, I have no further use for you.” His tone became harsher. “Go and flee back home. Coward.”
“Coward”
“Coward”
“COWARD”
The words resonated through his mind. He fell to the floor on his knees. Misato, the woman he had met that day, came to his aid, kneeling beside him and holding his shoulder firmly. Meanwhile, his father turned to the projector beside him and barked an order that Shinji couldn’t hear. The reality finally sank in. His father didn't want him there.
“Coward”
“Coward”
“COWARD”
“CANCEL THE INITIALIZATION!” Ritsuko’s firm order startled him, if only for a moment, out of his stupor. She was walking away from him, looking at the workers managing the Evangelion’s cables. “Prepare the recalibration for the First Child!”
Upon hearing those words, the bitter taste of defeat came to Shinji’s lips. He knew he had lost there, even if he didn't know exactly what. His eyes turned to the steel door on his left, which opened to let men pass through. Doctors, by the look of it. They were pulling a gurney with them. Shinji’s eyes widened as he saw a girl lying on that bed.
She was pale, short, slender, and wore a strange white suit tight to her body, much like a diving suit. Her right arm was completely bandaged, and a dressing wrapped around her head, covering her left eye. Her most notable feature was her short blue hair and crimson eyes.
Shinji’s eyes widened. He was certain he had seen this girl before, the moment before the Angel appeared. His father’s voice cut through his thoughts like a knife:
“Rei, I need you to pilot the Eva again. Our backup pilot is useless.”
And she replied, with a weak and breaking voice:
“Yes... Sir...”
But before she could even try to lift herself from the gurney, a thunderous crash shook the chamber. Everyone stumbled and fell to the floor, including the fragile, injured girl, who let out a squeal of pain as she fell. Not only the humans were destabilized, but the entire structure of the chamber. A part of the ceiling broke and fell toward Ikari Shinji.
The boy raised his thin arms as if they could protect him, waiting for the impact to hit him... however... the impact never came. When Shinji opened his eyes, the metallic purple arm of the Evangelion had placed itself between him and certain death.
Everyone was stupefied by that scene. Everyone, except Ikari Gendo, who allowed a small smile to form as he watched the construct move.
“How is this possible!?” Ritsuko was incredulous. “The Evangelion is without the Entry Plug. It shouldn't be able to move.”
Shinji paid no attention to the doctor. The boy turned to the fallen girl in front of him and held her in his arms. She shuddered and began to groan in pain. I... I can't believe it... They were really going to use her... They were going to use her in my place...
Don't run away.
Don't run away.
“Shinji.”
It was his father’s severe voice. The same tone of steel. The same insensitive tone. The same irreducible tone.
“Coward.”
“If you intend to go home, go. I don’t need you here.”
Don't run away.
Coward.
He looked at the girl again.
Don't run away.
He turned back to his father. His eyes were resolute.
“Fine, Father.”
He saw a spark in his father’s eyes.
“I will pilot it.”