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Tota spun around at the sound of Ray's voice. His shoulders dropped, feeling relaxed to see the other boy. Ray slowly stepped closer, a large grin on his face. He would ask why Tota looked so nervous.
Tota's face flushed as he tried to explain in broken English that he thought Ray was a different Clover, even though they were alone together in Ray's place in Taiwan.
Ray stroked Tota's cheek. Still as soft as the day they met. He placed a kiss on Tota's lips.
They would still be tasty and pink. Tota would've been nervous a few years ago but after their secret wedding in Brazil, there wasn't much tension between them. It was fluid, playful. Fearless.
Wedding in Brazil and honeymoon in Taiwan. Smart plan.
Ray's hand slid up Tota's arm to his shoulder, leaning in deeper for a better kiss. Tota pulled his arm away, which startled Ray in the past, but then he interlocked his hand with Ray's.
How. Cute.
Ray's hand slowly crept to Tota's pants. He fumbled for the waistband. He felt something special.
Tota wore the pair he did when they first made love.
Gross. Old. But...
Ray would have always remembered it because of some stupid comment he made about the brand being trash and that Tota deserved much better than that.
Which is why, as stupid as it was, Ray asked Kai to make some very fancy boxers for Tota on his birthday.
Of course, it ended up with Tota being mad that Ray told Kai about them. It would be worth every night on the couch.
Ray bit his lip. He wasn't in the mood anymore--or at least for that. In fact, he was in the mood for something much deeper.
He gave Tota a quick peck on the cheek before offering something else. Offering to just cuddle.
He would never word it like that though. That would feel too embarrassing and emasculating for Ray to say to even his husband.
He expected Tota's smile to drop. But it didn't. It never could with Ray. His husband.
Tota agreed. Nodded. And politely sat on the bed. Ray plopped down with a smile.
Tota laid back on the bed, spreading an arm out for Ray. Ray rested his head on Tota's chest.
He would rant to Tota about his day. Or plans. Or ideas he always had. There wouldn't be any rhyme or reason to his ramblings. He just liked speaking to Tota.
Talking to Tota always brought him a warmth. A warmth that no other woman or man could bring.
Sunlight sparkled against Tota's face, and for a moment everything felt perfect. Like he could stay there for the rest of his life.
But it can't last.
It could never.
Ray is awake.
And cold.
His blankets are tossed off the bed. He likes it that way, or at least told himself that. Maybe some part of him wants to be punished for letting Tota slip through his fingers.
Though that isn't the only cause.
He was sweating. Hard. If he moves, he would feel the cold, sticky warmth behind him.
So he stays still. Not wanting to disrupt the peace. The peace his mind had created for him⏤Tota had created for him.
The fan buzzes above him, something inside clicking together each rotation.
He knows deep down that he wouldn't ever find peace. He can't without Tota.
But that man is across the globe. He would be for most of the year.
All they have to remember each other is their posts. Posts that seem to be flooded with other people. More specifically, women.
One woman. Who seems to be taking up an awful lot of Tota's time.
Timezones are too different to call or watch each other's streams.
If Ray ever spoke to him again, I don't he'd even know what to say.
Tota wouldn't be able to understand him. No one here could.
Ray is alone.
Utterly and completely.