Work Text:
There is only one heart in my body, have mercy on me.
. . .
Ze exhaled through his nose softly once exiting the Hospital. The pale building had somehow felt colder than the winter outside, or perhaps it was the pooling anxiety waiting in the Doctor's Office that made him shiver. All the stress of gathering paperwork and diagnostics for such a high price, it all felt pointless in the end. Treatment was available, but due to Ze's rapid decrease in mobility and mind works, He was unable to continue his fishing job and get the right funds.
He hadn't notice he had been shaking like a leaf while standing just adjacent of the doors until an old woman approached him with a worried look.
"Are you alright, dear?" She asked, her voice weathered yet hold genuine concern for the man before her.
Ze sucked in a breath, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. "Yeah... Yeah. Just..." His voice wavered, hands fidgeting with the cuffs of his white hoodie. His throat felt tight, it was harder to breathe, and that simple question echoed in his head. Was he alright? He didn't feel good at all the past few months, and he only now came to the hospital due to his friends insisting. Perhaps it's the memory gaps that worried them the most, or how his speech began to decline. At first, Regect made fun of his slip-ups, but lately he had knocked it off.
Even becoming softer.
"Family?" The elder asked once more.
Ze shook his head, looking away.
She caught on, quick, and gave a pitiful nod.
"Oh dear, I'm very sorry you have to deal with that..." Her hand rested on his shoulder, which began to shake.
"My best advice is to listen to the doctors. If treatment doesn't feel like it's working, Just keep believing and-"
Ze didn't want to listen anymore. He couldn't afford it all in the first place.
These damn hospitals. So expensive. He'll have to insist on working.
He shook the woman's hand off, choking out an apology before hastily walking away. He needed money. He'll update his friends once he gets started on medication.
. . .
Zabooboo3 has joined the game.
It had been a whole month since he last joined his friends, which was extremely weird coming from him. He was usually there after a day or so, even simply at his computer working on assignments or bills and Regect would spy. Not exactly spy, but keep him company and joke about certain things while being a nasty little malware in the corner.
Ze sat at his desk, exhaling deeply. He left his bedroom lights on, as he knew Regect would want to see his face again after ages of not seeing him online at all.
"Yo yo yo, look who it is! The man himself! Moe c'mon!" He heard the boisterous voice call from somewhere within their Minecraft home, his character being where he last left the game, their living space. He rested his chin on his hand, while the other simply moved the mouse to look around. He had no strength to use the keys.
He watched with a faint smile as the two blocky characters ran down from the stairs, Regect sprint jumping over to him as did Moe while splashing a bunch of celebratory bottles of water to his character. Their mannerisms were too fun to watch. It felt like having real friends, just these were bound to this square game. Still strange to think about, but with how much time he spends with them, he couldn't care less.
They were there for him, thick and thin.
"Ze! It's been ages where have you been man!?" Regect stood infront of his camera, crouching and uncrouching in his view while Moe tried to push next to him to get in view.
"I've been busy, you know. You guys insisted that I needed to go see some wacko doctor." His mouth felt dry when he spoke, hoarse and shaky. They were quick to pick up on it. And the lack of movement with his character.
He listened to Moe honk airily, while Regect paused. Quiet.
"...And?" Regect spoke up eventually, his voice softer and laced with concern. "What did they say? You're getting better? That's why you've been gone for a while, right? Resting and stuff...?"
Silence follow them, as Ze stared at his monitor. He didn't know if he should lie, or tell them the truth. But deep down, something told him to say the truth. They will figure stuff out eventually anyways as Regect appears to be some kind of Sherlock Holmes when it comes to figuring these things out.
Ze let out an uncertain hum, eyes drooping down to close for a moment. He felt so tired.
A small notification played from his monitor and he opened his eyes to look at his webcam, seeing the light turned on. It was to be expected that Regect would tune in to check him out, and he allowed it. It was better to let him see than go through the effort of explaining everything.
What Regect saw was not the most apt sight. Ze sat at his desk as per usual in his signature white hoodie and black beanie, though this time he looked worse than times before he checked. His eyes held a long time of tiredness behind them even though he may have been sleeping a lot. It's like he was struggling to keep them open nowadays. His skin was more pale than usual, like it a ghostly white. His body wasn't any better, like he hadn't been eating- or more so he keeps forgetting to. His clothes sagged more than usual against his body, and the bones from his collarbone were more noticeable from the collar of his hoodie. His face. It held a pained look, almost embedded in his expressions. Though he was lazily grinning, it was easy to see the occasional twitch from his eyes. Trying to survive the migraine passing each time, it seems.
"Ze! You look... Oh my god." Regect's voice shook as his eyes scanned every part of Ze from what he could see.
"Hot as fuck? Yeah, I get that a lot." Ze softly laughed at his own joke, tilting his head down to now bury his face in the hand he rested on. The waves of exhausting kept crashing down on him with each day that passed. It was annoying, he felt so weak. He was no man, he could barely function properly as one. His brain felt like it was melting, dripping out his drumming ears.
Regect let out a small, awkward laugh. But was quick to quiet down as he kept his eyes focused on Ze. The real him.
He looked around his dishevelled background, seeing painkiller bottles at his bedside, next to his unkempt bed where the corners of the sheets were on the brink of completely pulling off. Like Ze was unable to get good night's sleeps. He could sleep, but not well it seemed. Next he looked over to his coat hangers by his door, seeing his work uniform hung but not worn for a while. The cooler with more than likely melted ice had even begun to collect dust. He was in no state to work.
"Dude, seriously..." Regect swallowed, focused back on the man who had sat up now, trying his best to look composed. Even Moe was no longer buying it, she was unusually quiet.
"What man? It's just... a fever." A pause. A pause too long, with a false promise ahead of it. He could not longer hide his face whenever he lied, nor his voice- nothing. It would be weird that he kind of has stalkers in his computer, but he trusted them anyways.
"I'm not fucking 10, Ze. You've been sick for ages!" Regect smacked his ingame character, but he made no effort to move or hit back. "Dude. Tell us what you found out."
Ze sucked at his teeth, eyes dodging the monitor and looking out of his window. The night sky was beautiful. The moon was beautiful.
"Ze!" Regect huffed angrily, becoming increasingly impatient. He needed to know. He was worried for his friend, his buddy, his...
"Mmm? Oh.. Well." Ze's eyes returned to the computer, Now he was trying to gather the right words to use. The doctor had been very brief and hasty with him, careless with his tests. It seemed like he was also just ripping him off by doing way more tests than necessary but at this point, there was no point to fight it all.
"The doctor, er... something Thatcher I think he said, Wasn't very good at his job." He wheezed out quietly, folding his arms as he leaned back in his chair, spinning side to side.
A burning rage bubbled in Regect's core.
"He ran some tests, more than I think was needed, and well..." Ze trailed off, eyes avoiding the screen.
"I've got a tumor. Or cancer. In my head."
He raised his hand to poke the side of his head, as if they needed that guidance to figure out what he was talking about. They were deathly silent, so He'd continue talking.
"Um... It's been growing. A lot. Has been, for a while."
"How long?" Regect spoke with caution.
"Man, I don't know I... I forget when all these headaches and stuff has been happening. Few... months? And he said I might've had it even before the noticeable symptoms so, hah... imagine that. I could've actually had a chance if I got diagnosed earlier." He pursed his lips. Throat tight.
"Wait wait, had a chance? What the fuck do you mean? Have you not been on a... A treatment plan or something?"
"Well... It's more complicated than it seems and-"
"Dude! Take the damn treatment and whatever! It's-"
"Regect. Let me speak." Ze sighed angrily, pinching the bridge of his nose. The entity was quick to shut up.
"As I was saying... It's complicated and I don't have enough money. I nearly went broke paying for the fees for check ups and tests and... more pointless shit. My... my job isn't taking me back. Sure I have strengths and stuff still- kinda- but it's my head. Constant migraines, memory stuff, my hand-eye coordination has become so shit to the point where I can barely play Minecraft with you guys. Minecraft! A blocky game that any 2 year old can play with their fucking toes!"
He groaned, folding his arms again. "That's why I also haven't been on my computer much either. It's... been hard. Doing simple tasks. Everything's become so difficult to do and... fuck man."
His heart twisted and his face flushed with shame. A loser chud like himself, venting his problems to some Minecraft beings. He truly is a disappointment, as his father reminded way back when.
Regect and Moe didn't know what to say or do. They couldn't exactly do much.
Except simply be there for his friend, and offer company when he needs it.
"Oh... I'm... sorry man." Regect was the first to break the silence between the trio, and after it was Moe, who honked her condolences.
"It's fine, my fault, really. Just..." No more words came to mind, but his friends understood the silence.
It pained them all. This news coming down like a stack of anvils all at once. It could've been solved, if things were sorted sooner, but Ze's upbringing taught him to man up and never go to the doctor's unless he's on the brink of death. So much for the help, dad. What an asshat. Ze even felt anger bubble in himself, targeted to both himself and his father. He should've known better to never listen to him and to let go of all his 'words of wisdom.'
Ze cleared his throat, fixing his posture as he scooted his chair closer to his desk to be more comfortable, settling his left hand on his keys, and his right on his mouse. He might as well enjoy this time with his buddies before he goes out tomorrow in pursuit of a new job, or at least some chore he can do for people. Hey, he shovelled someone's lawn and they paid him damn good! To be fair, they probably took pity on him as he fell on his ass atleast 5 times. In a row.
Ze punched Regect, beginning to snicker as it brought Regect out of his thoughts.
"Bro what are you- dude. Bro stop."
Ze continued anyways, Regect beginning to try run away but Ze kept following him, smacking his back.
"BRO LEAVE ME ALONE!" The entity gave out, and before he knew it, Moe had started splashing the two with bottles of water, honking cheerfully.
Honk honk! Honk!
"No- Moe- Moe don't encourage him!? Dude the betrayal is crazy."
The trio began to laugh as they playfully fought within their shared home, soon stopping as the front doors of their house opened and a gravely voice announced its presence.
"Wait! There's no need for violence!" The three blocky characters turned their heads to the door, just to see the old man, Wake'Fonte. Arms up in the air, beard unkempt, clothes wrinkled, the usual lot.
The three shared a look between them.
"...Fonte. What have I told you about going in our house?" Ze checked his inventory while speaking, seeing it was still empty since the last time he logged on. Dammit!
"Euh... I heard fighting! And fighting's no good! What would I do without my dearest neighbours??"
"..." Ze ever so slowly turned to face Regect.
"I need a gun."
"I gotchu." And before he knew it, Regect had dropped him a shotgun. The best.
Waka'fonte took a step back as Ze held the shotgun.
"Fonte. Get. OUT OF OUR DAMN HOUSE!" Ze yelled as he begun chasing the elderly man who promptly began to panic, yell and run away as Ze chased him with the gun, aimed right at him. He stuck his tongue out, as the manoeuvres Wake'Fonte was doing made it hard to aim. But with Moe and Regect running alongisde him and cheering, he eventually landed a shot, his character falling and poofing into particles.
Ze stopped moving and laughed, leaning back in his chair from how hard he had begun to laugh, The way Waka'Fonte yelled, how his arms waved in the air, How his two friends cheered for him to get his ass- it was great.
The trio's laughter died down, Ze sitting back up while rubbing his temple.
"Oh man I missed my guns. Thank you Regect, again." Ze had the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. Truthfully, he needed this to cheer him up.
"Yeah yeah whatever. Wait, again?" Regect turned his body to face Ze, pacing in little circles.
"Yeah! Like... ah man. Like thank you for being my friend- the both of you. Don't know how I would manage in life without you two here to keep me company."
Moe honked softly, which sounded oddly close to an 'aww'.
"Lowkirkenuinely, that sounded so sappy and gay."
"Ain't no way you just said that."
"Am I wrong though!? At this point just kiss us you bum." Regect howled in laughter as Moe smacked him, insisting it was sweet and caring.
Ze stared at his screen, shaking his head.
"Ok bro, pucker up."
"What."
Ze moved his character infront of Regect, then leaned close to the monitor, but paused as he looked up to the webcam.
Regect actually stayed put, waiting patiently. In truth, excited.
"Bros backing out last minute."
"Am not. Just... Do I kiss the screen or the camera?" He kept looking from the monitor to the webcam set at the top. If he were to smooch to screen, it would kind of makes sense as he's kissing the character, but the webcam is what they'll see.
"Oh... Hm. Both for good luck." Regect spoke proudly, repeatedly crouching. "Where's my kiss broooo..."
"Oh my god look who's the sappy gay impatient one."
"Hey! ...I did not call you impatient."
"Mimimimi."
Ze laughed quietly as he leaned closer again, this time placing a kiss on Regect's character, then on the camera. It looked a bit silly from Regect's perspective, but it was nice either way.
He swore he could almost feel it.
Before either of them could say a word, Moe punched Regect out of the way and honked rapidly.
Honk honk!! Honk honk!!
"Wow- Yes Moe, you get some too. How could I forget?" Ze did his actions again, and Moe spun happily once getting her affection in turn. Regect was being all whiney saying how he couldn't savour it as Moe punched him, and they both bickered while Ze used his sleeve to clean his screen and camera.
"Alright alright you two. How about we... build something? Do some building competition? Kinda tired so I want to do something chill."
Moe and Regect looked over to him and agreed. They'll do anything to keep him company and enjoy their time together before he inevitably gets off to sleep or something.
"Sure! There's a good clearing over in this direction, I can get you both blocks for building because I'm just feeling so kind today. I ain't waiting for you guys though lol." Regect was quick to spawn in a modded car, get in and speed away into the mods, cursing as he kept bumping in the trees.
Moe and Ze watched, confused as they looked at eachother. "Well okay then. I guess we'll meet him at the.. wherever he went. Just follow the trail of broken trees."
Honk!
The two walked together, Moe making sure to stay protectively close.
. . .
The three of them have been building for quite a while, and it was about midnight for Ze. At some point he stopped building- well he really only built a pixel art of his face while watching in bewilderment as Regect started building a whole castle . Seriously how did he do that. Moe couldn't even match that, so she resorted to secretly breaking bits of his build and honking in laughter whenever he found out.
This was nice. He could sit there, watch his friends have fun. Life isn't so bad. You just have to get inspiration from the little things.
He will do his best to get a job tomorrow. For now, Watching Regect and Moe fool around warmed his heart.
He loved them, truly.
. . .
I'm a fake pessimist; I see the sun, and I want to live!
The sun burns, and your glossy eyes cannot bear it.
. . .
Regect and Moe eventually returned to Ze's player model, wheezing with laughter. They had a blast fooling around; Regect couldn't keep up with Moe breaking his build, so he resorted to blowing it up entirely with an RPG, and Moe accepted that he won whatever competition they were going with. The two met Ze who remained still, and oddly quiet.
"Ze? You there?"
Ze hadn't realised he had his head down on his desk.
His head was booming, the migraines had returned to him, tenfold. It had gotten so terrible, he could barely see through his hazy vision. His world spun whenever he looked around, and god. Everything. Hurt. The nausea was terrible. The bright light in his room didn't help, but he had no strength anymore.
He heard Regect's voice, soft. It brought a calm wave over his raging mind. A gentle feather laid atop crashing waves in a stormy ocean, but the waves did not relent. They crashed and roared, swallowing the feather down to the deepest depths of the bottomless body of water.
"...Ze?" Again, softer, cracking at the end.
The raging waves settled, almost becoming static. The ripples remained and spread throughout the surface of the water, chaos still bubbling deep down; but they settled to let the feather enjoy the surface for just this once. Let it enjoy the sun, before it will be the last time it sees it.
Ze, ever so slowly raised his head. Eyes droopy, and felt as if though they were on fire and were about to pop out his head.
"I...I euh... Reg-" His words stumbled over themselves, barely coherent. His bottom lip trembled as he looked up to the screen, where his friends stood with concern.
His vision blurred, not because of the migraines, but with tears. Salty, impure tears that streamed down his pale cheeks. He moved one hand to the screen, placing it on it.
He could hear that caring voice again, as well as Moe's airy honks.
They were scared, and so was he.
"I'm... no- wait..." Ze huffed out shakily, it was becoming a deathly chore to try speak. His head felt like it was being squished, pulled apart, all the works. It was all too much.
"Wait-" He hiccupped, clenching his teeth. "-I don't want to."
Everything suddenly became so quiet. It was an amazing silence; serene, peaceful. What he needed. He almost hear someone calling for him. His head felt so heavy, but light at the same time. It lowered on his arm, as his hand that was on the screen slid down. He laid there, eyes absently looking to the side to where the window of his room was. That beautiful night sky, with so many stars to count. Snow had begun to fell, bickering the stars for a sweet dance. It looked like a pure soul's ballroom set in an endless void.
He wondered if he could count them all.
His eyelids became heavy.
Breathing quickened.
'I don't want to.'
And a deep exhale was the last to leave his lips.
How many did you count, Ze?