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“You're right,” Magda said as they walked back. “I don’t understand. We have a good life. We enjoy it here. We have—”
Heather, who had been walking a couple paces ahead, stopped and froze, her body tense.
Magda stopped too and let the sentence trail off. She could tell Heather was upset but for the first time in twenty years, she felt uncertain as to why.
It was new and uncomfortable, to not understand. Ever since they’d met, she and Heather had been able to communicate without words. They’d never needed to talk about the past or the future, they’d simply understood.
Or at least that’s what Magda had thought. But now Heather was acting strangely, as though there was something Magda should have already known but didn’t.
A blank, a missing puzzle piece that she should’ve had. A clue she should’ve seen. She had scoured her memories for it, all twenty years of glances and conversations and kisses, and she’d come up empty.
Heather never talked about children. In fact, Magda couldn’t recall a single time she’d mentioned them. Magda had figured it was because they were compatible in this way as well; Magda had no interest in children, why would Heather?
It was becoming clear that that was not the reason, that there was something Magda was missing. Something important.
So Magda paused, and she waited, uncertain about what to do. Did she go to her? Did she wait?
“Magda,” Heather said and Magda could hear her voice break like she was about to cry. She stepped forward instinctively; the last thing she’d wanted was for Heather to cry. She’d only wanted to ask a question, talk things out rationally, discuss it a bit, to avoid rushing into things prematurely. She hadn’t known Heather would react so strongly. She hadn’t wanted to…
Did Heather think Magda would stay in this place without her? It was a ridiculous thought. Surely Heather knew that. If Heather wanted to leave, Magda would leave with her, of course she would. She just didn’t understand. Any of it lately, really. The homeschooling and now the urgency. She didn’t understand it one bit but she wanted to.
Magda wanted to reach out, to touch Heather, but she worried it would only upset her more. She worried that she was more a cause of distress than a source of comfort.
Still, she reached her hand out, tentative and careful.
Her hand never reached her. Heather swallowed and spun around. There were visible tears in her eyes.
Magda brought her hand back to her side. She met Heather’s eyes for a moment before Heather looked away, into the distance, blinking.
There was a part of Magda that felt like this was it and it frightened her. It seemed impossible that the most important thing in her life might end over something so foolish. What could have gone wrong? Sure, Magda had been annoyed about the whole homeschooling thing but it truly didn’t matter thatmuch. She just hadn’t know it mattered that much to Heather.
“I just don’t under—” she tried again.
Heather cut her off. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she said, quietly, her hands moving about. Nervous. “And you have to, I don’t know… Just, please. Please believe me, I tried. I tried to tell you. I tried so many times. But every time… every time—”
And then Heather was crying, sobbing really, and Magda didn’t care about minor disagreements anymore, she only cared that Heather was distraught. She opened her arms and moved forward like she had wanted to do the whole time, wrapping her arms her, pulling her in and tucking her head against her shoulder. Then, Magda let her chin rest on Heather’s head and she felt the way Heather’s fingers dug into her sweater.
“Magda,” Heather said.
Magda could tell she wanted to explain something but she was crying too hard.
“Magda,” Heather said, again, but she only ended up crying harder.
It sounded like Heather was pleading with her and Magda just wished she knew what for. Because whatever it was… Whatever it was… She would give it to her.
Magda gently rubbed Heather’s back as she cried. “Shh,” Magda said. “It’ll be alright. Whatever it is, it’ll be alright.” Heather squeezed harder, and Magda reciprocated. “Whatever you want,” she said. “I don’t care. It’s not important to me. We’ll do whatever you want.”
The tears had died down and Heather pulled back just far enough that she could look at Magda. She smiled, just a little bit, but she still had her fingers dug into Magda’s jacket.
“It’s not…” Heather whispered. “It’s not just some abstract thing. For me.”
Magda waited for an explanation, but tears were filling Heather’s eyes again. “What’s not?” Magda asked lightly, placing a hand on Heather’s face to wipe away the tears.
“Motherhood,” Heather said, and Magda felt her eyes widen despite her trying not to. Heather looked away.
They were too old for that. Surely Heather knew that. Surely…
“Magda, I—” Heather’s voice hitched. “Before… before I came here… Well…” She took a deep breathe. “I already had—have— a daughter. She— She was…”
Oh.
That at least made sense.
Magda should’ve thought of it before. She had known Heather had been grieving, this whole time really, but more as of late. She had seen that grief in her eyes when she talked about Stella’s children. She’d seen the rage when Stella had revealed the truth about Frankie. So much for being brilliant…
“Oh,” Magda said.
Heather looked at her then, and tried to smile again but instead the tears came back.
“So you see—” Heather whispered, looking down.
“Yes,” Magda said.
“We have to— Or well, I have to—” Heather said, squeezing tighter.
“Of course, we do,” Magda said, kissing Heather’s hair.
Heather looked at her. “So you’ll come?”
Magda looked at her like she was being dense. It wasn’t even a question. If Heather weren’t here, there was no point staying in this town anyway.
Heather chuckled. “I— thank you.”
“You could have told—” Magda whispered, pushing Heather’s hair out of her face.
Another tear rolled down Heather’s cheek. “I tried, I just—”
“Too painful,” Magda said.
“Too painful,” Heather agreed.
“We’ll find her,” Magda said. “But first…”
Heather nodded and pulled back further, taking Magda’s hands in her own. “Ok,” she said. “Ok.”
Magda squeezed her hands back. “We’ll find her.”