Work Text:
[Group chat] skz -Channie-hyung
Jeongin:
[image attached: a screenshot of a Bang Chan Bubble post containing an image of a much younger Chan with the message “disgusting little thing hahaha”]
who’s up this time
Hyunjin:
not disgusting
so cute
Jeongin:
because i dealt with the suitcase crashout
someone else needs to take a turn
Felix was sprawled across his bed, one hand tucked under the waistband of his sweats and trying to decide whether to doomscroll TikTok, jerk off, or go to bed, when his phone started vibrating off the mattress. He scrolled from the group chat to Bubble and shook his head in dismay as he scanned through Chan’s most recent posts. He pulled himself up and off his bed and started moving around his room, tugging on a black hoodie that probably belonged to Hyunjin and trying to hunt down moderately clean socks. He could hear his phone pinging on the bed where he left it.
Minho:
i can’t right now
i’m about to have a snack
[image attached: an almost entirely dark picture with a blurry shape near the middle]
Felix squinted down at the picture. Bringing the phone closer to his face, he was able to just make out the shape in the dark: the curve of Han Jisung’s naked ass. He recoiled, and could hear muffled yelling from Seungmin through the wall.
Hyunjin:
binnie and i are eating
Minho:
[raised eyebrow emoji]
Jisung:
hyung whyyyyyyyy
Jeongin:
i’m not kidding
Hyunjin:
dinner
eating dinner
meat
food
Seungmin:
[voice note: 12 seconds of retching noises]
Jeongin:
who is coming over
Felix was already on the way to the elevator when he replied.
Felix:
i’ve got him
Jeongin:
thank god
i’m sleeping in your bed tonight
There was a deluge of emoji and stickers in response, all of which Felix ignored, until his phone dinged with a private message from Changbin. He texted back as he moved purposefully down the street, not quite a jog but too fast to be a walk, eager to get his eyes on Chan.
Changbin:
call me if he’s really bad
Felix:
yes
hyung
but
i’ve got him
Changbin:
i know
i never worry when it’s you
Felix:
yes
you do
Changbin:
of course i do
look at this shit
[image attached: screenshot of a different Bubble post]
Felix smiled a little sadly at the unhinged string of laughter Chan had sent, both in Korean and English–really putting effort into his semi-public breakdown. He hoped that Stay were being kind in the responses that he knew Chan was obsessively reading, and picked up the pace a little.
He was typing in the apartment keycode when the door was wrenched out of his hands by a harassed looking Jeongin, who fell briefly into Felix’s outstretched arms. Felix gripped the back of his neck, massaging gently, feeling Jeongin fractionally relax as he passed the worry into Felix. Jeongin pulled out of the embrace and reached back for his bag, hastily shoving his feet into his shoes.
“Hyung, fighting,” he said with a lopsided grin, giving Felix’s cheek a less-than-gentle smack, before he was pushing past and out the door.
Felix toed off his shoes and padded his way towards Chan’s bedroom. His door was open a crack, which made Felix feel a little hopeful: maybe Chan was more open to intervention than usual. He pushed the door open and stopped, leaning against the doorway and watching.
Chan sat in his computer chair, brow furrowed and eyes down, concentrating on his phone. Chan’s laptop was open to his music software but sat ignored on the desk in front of him. His hair was disheveled, but not artfully–instead, it was sticking up haphazardly, like Chan had been gripping and pulling it. Chan looked… vulnerable, and Felix’s heart gave a painful thump in his chest.
Chan was also completely naked; not unexpected, but Felix still needed to close his eyes and take a breath, steeling himself to ignore all that skin.
“Ayennie-hyung, waaeeeee” Chan whined out before looking up and locking eyes with Felix. He looked surprised, for a moment, before his face morphed into the scrunch-eyed smile that he saved just for Felix, looking bright and open and happy. Then his eyebrows pulled together in confusion and he tilted his head, questioning.
Felix just stood there, mouth in a line and arms crossed against his chest, eyeing Chan’s phone. Chan gasped as he seemed to realize what was going on.
“No!” he yelled, kicking his chair away from the door and huddling over, his phone tucked protectively against his bare chest.
“Don’t your balls stick to the leather?” Felix asked, curious, as he stalked forward the few steps to stand in front of Chan’s chair, spinning it around with a gentle kick. “Why do you even buy that $100 underwear.”
“You’re not wearing underwear,” Chan said defensively, which was true, but he was at least wearing pants. Felix gestured exaggeratedly at his grey sweats, refusing to look down and acknowledge the dick print that must have given him away.
Chan glared mutinously up at him, phone pressed against a tiny nipple, which Felix was going to ignore.
They stared at each other in a very stupid standoff before Felix took a deep breath and said, in an approximation of a Russian accent: “You have phone. Give.”
Chan relented. He petulantly slapped his phone into Felix’s outstretched hand, pouting a moment before asking “Is that from the gay hockey show?”
“I thought it was porn” Felix said absently, thumbing back through what Chan had been reading, feeling a little sick as he scrolled past post after post of negative comments. He wasn’t even sure where Chan had found this thread of “fans” talking about his pre-debut self, but he took a few screenshots and sent them to his own phone and then began to close tabs and apps.
“What if i want to play Genshin,” Chan whined, kicking at Felix. Felix ignored him and pointed towards the bed, not looking up as he kept purging the phone of poison.
Chan shoved his hands and face into Felix’s space, halfheartedly grabbing at the phone in what seemed more like an attempt to make physical contact than to genuinely retrieve his phone. Felix gently pushed Chan’s head back, combing his fingers through his short hair before pointing again at the bed, trying to make his face as stern as possible.
Chan eventually complied, throwing himself facedown onto his covers and grumbling in a mix of English and Korean. Felix caught what sounded like “meddlesome kids” and bit back a laugh.
Finished closing out everything, Felix contemplated what to do with the phone. He looked around the scrupulously tidy room, picturing the meme of the mother taking toys away from her son and putting them on a high shelf, but there weren’t really any good options. He settled for shoving it into one of Chan’s shoes and throwing both under the desk before turning to look at where Chan was sprawled naked on the bed. Felix let his eyes linger, cataloging the skin on display. He indulged for a breath, then two, before pinching his arm and sternly reminding himself that he was there to help, not ogle.
Felix flicked off the overhead light, closed Chan’s laptop, crawled onto the bed between Chan’s legs, and then starfished on top of him. It was funny. They were the same height. Felix’s outstretched fingers nearly reached the tips of Chan’s, but Chan still felt so big beneath him, broad and muscular. He pressed his body down deliberately, pushing Chan into the mattress, and ignoring how it felt to rock his hips into Chan’s round ass. He tried to be a living weighted blanket, willing Chan to let go of the anxiety and self-loathing that stiffened his shoulders.
They were quiet for a minute, chests rising and falling together. Felix rubbed his face into the joint of Chan’s neck and shoulder, gently at first, then more aggressively, making Chan twitch. He wondered how long Chan would let them lie in silence.
“Did you really think that there were porn clips on your FYP? What are you doing on that app?”
Not long, apparently. Felix opened his mouth over where he’d been rubbing his face and bit Chan in the shoulder, hard. Chan yelped, more in surprise than pain, and Felix tried not to notice the feeling of flesh between his teeth, tried not to taste the salt of him on his tongue.
Felix pulled his teeth from Chan’s skin with effort.
“Chris…” he started, his voice serious.
“Feeeelix… naaaauuurrrr,” Chan cried, exaggerating his accent. He wriggled back and forth below Felix, not really trying to toss him off (which he could have done without effort), but instead lodging a physical complaint. Felix tried to pin him further into the mattress, wrapping his hands around Chan’s wrists and shoving, flexing his hips forward. The feeling of Chan writhing beneath him, his ass moving against Felix’s crotch, had him biting the inside of his cheek until he tasted copper.
Chan stopped moving abruptly, sagging into the bed with a whine. Felix loosened his grip, gently splaying his fingers out over the backs of Chan’s hands, and he let the silence take over once more.
Felix traced the pads of his fingers up and down the veins standing out on Chan’s hands and wrists, idly thinking that he should really make Chan drink something. He tried not to enjoy this closeness, not to bask in the warmth of the body below him, reminding himself that this was because Chan needed it. He was here to support his… brother, hyung, leader, best friend, soulmate… he was here for Chan, that was all.
Chan, who had his face mashed into the pillow, possibly trying to suffocate himself. As the silence stretched, Felix could almost hear Chan thinking beneath him, feeling his muscles drawing tighter and tighter.
“So you drew the short straw, huh?” Chan asked into the quiet, turning his head to the side with a self deprecating little laugh. He wouldn’t look at Felix.
Felix grunted out a questioning noise, refusing to dignify that with actual words.
“I know about the group chat. I’m sorry that you’re the one who got stuck dealing with me tonight. Did you lose a bet? This must be punishment for something.” Chan was trying to sound lighthearted, but the tension in his spine and the slight shake in his voice told Felix that he meant every word.
“I’m here because I chose to be, Chris,” Felix said firmly, fighting the urge to cover Chan’s stupid face with his hand. Instead, he traced his palms down Chan’s arms to his back–only kneading the muscles he passed a little bit–before shoving his hands under Chan’s shoulders, embracing him in a back hug that was not entirely unlike a chokehold.
“Are you going to get off me?” Chan grumbled, sounding resigned.
“Do you want me to?”
“Yes!” then, “... No. It’s easier to talk if I don’t have to see your face.”
Felix deliberately decided to not take offense at that statement, pushing his unwanted face back into Chan’s neck, nosing up behind his ear. He decided that he needed to take control if this was going to be any kind of real conversation. He thought back to the screenshot that Jeongin had shared in the chat, to the start of Chan’s bubble spree.
“I love him, you know,” he said. Quietly, seriously.
Chan hesitated, a moment. “... the gay hockey player?” he asked.
Felix bit his shoulder again.
“No, idiot. Baby Channie. The boy in the picture you sent. I love him. A lot. It hurts, when you say things like that.”
“Oh.”
A pause.
“Why Bubble?” Felix asked. “When you feel like this, why do you do that? The group chat is right there.”
This was what bothered Felix the most. Why didn’t Chan bring his heaviness to them? If he needed to… to text, to share, to get it out, why did he do that with strangers instead of the people who love him? One of them inevitably ended up here anyway, staging a phone-tervention. Why the public step in between?
Why Stay, and not Felix?
Chan was quiet, but it was a thinking sort of quiet, his shoulders shifting restlessly in Felix’s embrace.
“It’s… nice to be validated, I guess? When I say stuff like that, Stay, you know, they respond so quickly and they tell me what I want to hear.”
“They’re not always nice, though?”
“Yeah,” Chan agreed.
So that was part of the point. If Chan shared something self-deprecating, and Stay argued with him, that was good. But if Stay agreed… well, maybe that was good too, in Chan’s fucked up brain.
Felix felt sad to his bones.
Chan kept going. “Stay are always honest with me, you know? Stay tell me the truth, whether I want to hear it or not. The truth about me, about myself.” and you won’t, he didn’t say.
“How can strangers on that app tell you the truth about yourself, Chris? They don’t know you.”
Felix felt Chan stiffen beneath him, defensive.
“No, ha ha, of course not, they don’t know any of the bad parts, the really, ha ha, awful, unloveable stuff…” Chan was actually saying ha ha, not laughing. Felix cut him off before he could really get going.
“They do, actually. Know some of the bad stuff. You don’t try to hide it, or sometimes, you show it on purpose. Like you’re testing what it would take to make them stop loving you.”
Felix was perplexed by this tendency of Chan’s. Felix hated when Stay saw anything other than practiced perfection or deliberately staged silliness, wished he could purge all of his moments of vulnerability from the internet and public memory. But he knew that Chan thought about it differently, even if he didn’t understand.
“Even if they know all the parts of you–good, bad, whatever–they don’t know you. The parts of you… The pieces… aren’t enough. They look different, together. When they’re… at the same time.”
Chan’s silence was skeptical, but he didn’t speak. Felix took a deep breath, trying to arrange the words in his head. He trusted that Chan would give him time to figure things out; even now, in a conversation that he desperately did not want to be having.
“Bibimbap. You’re bibimbap,” Felix managed.
For the first time since this conversation started, Chan turned his head enough to look Felix in the eye, really exaggerating his raised eyebrow. Felix could feel the tips of his ears turning pink, and now it was his turn to not be able to handle eye contact. He closed his eyes, willing his words to be enough.
“You’re… all the pieces alone are tasty, and that’s what Stay see. Individual pieces of you. But you, Channie-hyung, Chris, you’re more than just those parts together. They’re mixed, in you, in who you are every day. And they mix together to make something more, something different. You’re an entirely new thing, a whole and complete dish on your own. Stay can’t see that; they can’t see what you are, together, they just see the pieces.”
Felix heard Chan take a breath beneath him, but he kept going, desperate to get all of this out, trying to make his words fit what felt, suddenly, enormous and important.
“You’re sometimes… the bibimbap, it’s… messy, and imperfect, sometimes, but that’s also part of it. And it’s enough, as it is. You’re enough. And it’s not about being… deserving of love, or worthy, or anything that you’re worried you’re not. You just are. Messy, and imperfect, and you. And… and, you’re loved. You’re loved for all of what you are.”
Felix could feel Chan shaking, a little, and he buried his head between Chan’s shoulders with a groan. He thought about rolling off Chan and into the ocean and disappearing forever, which felt better than facing Chan’s laughter at his earnestness, until he heard a wet snuffling sound and realized with a start that Chan was crying. Felix squeezed him tighter.
“You’re loved,” he repeated. By the members went unspoken, an unshakeable truth. By me… Felix wondered if Chan could hear it anyway, what he wasn’t saying.
Chan wiped his face back and forth on the pillow. “This is why i don’t call you,” he said. You, not the members. “Stay let me wallow. I can be… unhappy. If that's what I want, or what I think I want. You won’t let me.”
“Wallowing is bad for you,” Felix replied. “We love you too much.” We, me, I…
“I don’t know if i can do it,” Chan admitted. “If I can love him. Baby Channie. That me in the past. I don’t know if I can love him. If I can love…” he trailed off, leaving the myself unsaid.
Felix scoffed. “You don’t have to. You've got me for that.”
He loved Chan enough for… well. He loved Chan enough.
Chan laughed wetly, rocking his arms underneath himself to grasp at Felix’s hands, holding them tightly. He managed to drag one up to his mouth, gently kissing the tips of Felix’s fingers. Chan started rocking them both side to side and Felix felt something in the atmosphere shift, so he let his body go limp, deadweight, allowing Chan move him how he wanted. Chan started rocking with more vigor, rolling partly onto his sides and eventually Chan rolled almost entirely onto his back, squishing Felix into the mattress. Felix yelled, mostly with joy, and butterflies took flight in his stomach when Chan laughed.
Felix wrapped his legs around Chan’s waist so that when Chan heaved his body over again, Felix came with him and ended up perched on his ass, straddling rather than lying on him. He tugged his hands free of Chan’s grip, planting them in the middle of his back. They looked small there, framing Chan’s spine. Felix was reminded, abruptly, that Chan was naked–had been naked, this whole time. His cock kicked a little, and Felix gave his dick a stern talking to–no erections during the intervention.
“Is a massage included in this Bbok-therapy session?” Chan asked, teasing, and Felix took a minute to run his hands up Chan’s lats to his shoulder blades, touching with indulgent permission, before he walked his fingers along Chan’s traps. He rocked his palm along Chan’s spine, settling into the practiced moves of a massage, when Chan groaned. Which, absolutely not, actually. Felix jerked his hands back and shoved them, instead, into Chan’s armpits where he was the most ticklish.
Chan yelled with laughter and bucked upwards so Felix was forced onto his knees, half-standing on the bed. Chan took the opportunity to wriggle around onto his back, grabbing both of Felix’s hands in one of his and using the other to pull Felix down onto his abs. Chan smiled up at him, that perfect scrunch-eyed smile, and Felix couldn’t breathe for a second. They just sat there, grinning like idiots and really looking at each other for the first time since Felix had taken Chan’s phone. The silence that stretched between them should maybe have gotten weird, but instead it was just… comfortable, and warm.
Chan moved his hand under the hem of Felix’s sweater, grabbing at his bare skin, and then furrowed his brow.
“That’s my sweater,” he said.
Felix looked down at it in confusion. “I thought it was Hyunjin’s?”.
Chan let go of one of Felix’s hands and shook the other in his face so that Felix was able to make out the double F logo at his wrist.
“Ah,” he said, a little dumbly.
Chan tugged at the collar of his sweater. “I like you in my clothes,” he said.
Felix didn’t know what to do with that so he ignored it, sticking out his tongue in response.
Chan chuckled, and then slowly dragged his hand down Felix’s body, from his collar to his hips. Felix watched with a kind of detached fascination as Chan worked his hand under the sweater so that now both of his hands were resting on Felix’s skin, squeezing gently at his waist.
This is fine, Felix thought to himself, twitching as Chan brought his hands together over Felix’s abs, then lower, tracing Felix’s happy trail with his thumbs. Normal skinship, he told himself, wishing for the first time since the leather pants on stage that he had chosen to wear underwear.
He didn’t know what to do with his own hands, so he reached up to tug his hair out of the half-knot it had been tied in and shook it loose, making weird goblin noises as he let his hair fall around his face like a curtain.
“Naur,” Chan said on a laugh. “Now I can't see your freckles!”
Felix pitched forward so that his forehead was almost touching Chan’s, his hair falling around the both of them, and felt his eyes cross as he tried to keep looking at Chan.
“Hi Bang Chan,” he said in a gremlin voice, ignoring the way that one of Chan’s hands moved around to his ass.
“Hi Felix,” Chan said, and it sounded like he was a little breathless. He still had his Felix smile on his face.
Felix tilted his head and pushed his eye close to Chan’s cheekbone, blinking rapidly so his eyelashes brushed his skin, giggling.
“I love you, you know,” Chan said, and Felix jerked his head up, blinking at him.
“The gay hockey pl…—” he started, but then Chan tilted his head and kissed him.
It was a gentle kiss, but the press of his lips against Felix was firm and unmistakable. Felix froze. He felt like his higher brain function had been reduced to a bright red exclamation mark as his gears ground to a halt. Luckily, his body seemed able to move without input from his brain and he was kissing Chan back, sliding their lips together and pulling apart, again and again, the smacking sounds loud in the quiet of the room.
Then Chan licked at the seam of Felix’s lips and Felix opened his mouth to him, hungry. He threaded his hands through Chan’s hair, directing his head to where he wanted it, biting and licking and sucking. Chan was making little mewling sounds as Felix ate at his mouth and Felix felt high.
Chan’s mewls turned into a moan and Felix realized that he had rocked his hips down, rubbing his extremely hard cock against Chan’s taut stomach. Felix pulled back from their kiss and looked down between them, taking stock of the wet spot that was already forming on his sweats.
“Fuck,” he whispered, awed and turned on and a just a tiny bit scared.
“Fuck,” Chan agreed, dragging Felix back down into his body. Felix shuddered and gasped. Even through his damp sweatpants this felt incredible. He deliberately rubbed his cock against Chan and made a noise that was half groan and half laugh.
Chan made a needy little noise and Felix dove back down to resume kissing, exploring Chan’s mouth while he kept thrusting. Chan squirmed and tugged, managing to move Felix down his body until their cocks were pressed together and they both moaned, loud and unashamed. Chan thrust up into him and Felix called him a "cunt", too out of his mind with pleasure to really register that he’d done it.
Chan laughed and started kissing along Felix’s jaw down to his neck, sucking and licking and getting the skin wet. Felix was leaking so much precome that his sweats were starting to stick and he wriggled, trying to get them off without dislodging Chan from his neck. They managed to get them down and off his legs through the power of incredibly inefficient teamwork, and when Felix’s bare cock fucked against Chan’s, he swore he saw God.
Chan kept his hands on Felix’s ass, pushing Felix down to meet his upward thrusts and pressing their bodies together tightly. It felt incredible, sliding his cock against Chan, both of them slick with sweat and precome. It was a little sticky and awkward and also the best sex that Felix had ever had.
“I’m going to fuck you,” Felix vowed, moving his hand down to tug and pull at Chan’s nipple. “Next time. I’m putting my cock inside that ridiculous fucking ass.” He kept working himself against Chan.
“Next time,” Chan groaned, sounding pleased. He brought his knees up, getting more leverage to fuck harder against Felix. Felix thought that maybe he should be doing more, jerking their cocks together or maybe sucking Chan off, but he felt out of control with desire and could only keep thrusting, chasing his high.
“Lix, I’m so close,” Chan panted into his ear, biting down on the lobe, and that was almost more than Felix could stand. He took Chan’s mouth again in a desperate, messy kiss, thrusting his tongue inside in time with their rhythm. Chan started to suck on it and that was it, Felix was gone, his vision whiting out with pleasure as he came in messy spurts into the cradle of Chan’s hips.
Felix ducked his head down to suck a mark into Chan’s collarbone as Chan increased the tempo of his thrusts, rhythm faltering as his cock slid through Felix’s mess. He came with a gasp, biting into Felix’s shoulder and shuddering in his arms.
Felix was still while Chan came down, not quite sure what would happen next. But then Chan was pushing Felix’s hair back and holding his head, peppering little kisses to Felix’s shoulders and face. His freckles, Felix realized. Chan was kissing as many as he could reach. He relaxed into Chan’s hold, then shifted a bit to look down at the mess between their bodies.
“Come gutter!” he said with obvious delight when he saw how their combined release had pooled in the dips of Chan’s hips.
Chan stopped kissing him to make a face and Felix laughed, collapsing his body on top of Chan’s and dragging his tongue across Chan’s neck, licking off the salt. He thought maybe he could fall asleep like this.
“Yeah, no, absolutely not,” Chan said after a moment. “This is disgusting, we need to clean up.”
He rolled them off the bed and dragged Felix behind him, manhandling him towards the shower amid kisses and giggles. They separated while Chan ran the water and Felix watched him, admiring the play of muscles in his back and ass while he moved.
Felix felt like his insides were made of champagne bubbles. “I love you, too,” he said abruptly.
“Yeah,” Chan replied, his Felix smile radiant. It was awkward, trying to kiss while their mouths were stretched wide into grins, but that didn’t stop them.
“Can I have my phone back?” Chan asked after a moment, pressing the words against Felix’s mouth.
“Mmph,” Felix replied, which was probably a yes.
Later, when they were clean and dry and tucked back into bed together (phones in hand), Felix noticed that there was activity in the “skz -Channie-hyung” group chat again.
Seungmin:
ewwww
he’s happy now
[image attached: a screenshot of Chan on Bubble showing a selfie and positive comments on his hairstyle]
Jisung:
aww Felix did it
Felix:
it’s better
than what he wanted
to post
[image attached: a selfie of Chan and Felix lying in bed, Chan’s lips pressed to Felix’s temple while Felix makes a face. It looks like any other selfie of the two of them, except that they are obviously naked]
Seungmin:
stop
why is everyone in this family naked
[image attached: a picture of a sleeping Jeongin, sprawled naked in Felix’s bed]
Jeongin:
hyung!! don’t take pictures of me while i’m sleeping!!!!!
The group chat was exploding with replies, some about Felix and Chan and others cooing over Jeongin, and Felix’s DMs started blowing up. Hyunjin and Jisung were already demanding details, and Minho sent something that appeared to be a threatening thumbs up. Felix was about to ignore them all when a message from Changbin popped up.
Changbin:
you’ve got him?
Felix:
yeah
i’ve got him