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Everyone was settling in quite nicely to their new normal at the hotel. Charlie, it turned out, was taking to her new role as head counselor with great gusto, much to Alastor's chagrin. She kept checking in on him, wanting to make sure that he was "coping" that he wasn't "traumatized" after his time at Vee Tower. Apparently, she had taken his whole Deal with Vox and the events at his failure of a party as a sign of affection and loyalty to her. She, and the rest of Hell, were unaware of the leash he broke in that fiasco, and instead, she seemed to view it as a sign of his trustworthiness as a friend. And securing her trust and goodwill was so very beneficial for him. But, he needed to correct this delusion that she and the others seemed to have, that he was growing soft. That his return to the hotel meant that his captivity had taught him the importance of friendship or some other nonsense like that.
Well, the only thing he had learned from his stint at Vee Tower was just how fun it was to sow chaos in relationships. That, and how entertaining a simple spinny chair could be. Sure, being tied up with cables and stuck in an office chair all day wasn't the most comfortable arrangement he'd ever been in, but it was oh so worth it. It was just so fun, irritating Vox like that. The television seemed to hate the way he'd wheel around, spinning in circles, yet never once thought to simply tie him to a different chair. The absolute idiot!
But even more fun than irritating Vox with little barbs and silly antics in the chair was putting pressure on the cracks of his relationship with the other Vees, especially Valentino. It was obvious that the TV headed demon was in some sort of intimate relationship with the loathsome moth, but every time Alastor so much as glanced his way, Vox quickly brushed it aside as a mere business partnership. Wrecking romance was quite fun, he soon realized. Velvette, he gathered, was uninterested in men in that way, the same as Vaggi apparently was, so her relationship with Vox wasn't romantic, but it was still fun to poke holes in it all the same. For a while there, he really thought that they had turned against Vox, but they still swooped in to save him at the last moment.
Granted, they did it by ripping off his head, which, if he hadn't been nursing the wound from that wretched shark-dog-thing on the ground at the time, he would have enjoyed watching greatly. Oh, well.
Alastor had always enjoyed a bit of drama and gossip, but there was a whole new thrill in finding the weak spots of a relationship and chipping away at them until the whole thing fell apart. Had he had more time, Alastor felt confident he could have permanently driven the other Vees away from Vox.
As Charlie droned on about how she was here for him, Alastor looked around at the tacky pink and red decor covering the hotel and suppressed the urge to scoff. Valentine's Day was coming soon, and Charlie had decorated the entire hotel with lace and frills and banners and streamers and copious amounts of paper hearts. It made him shudder just to think about.
Romance was in the air, and it made him sick. All this affection and cooperation was hardly entertaining, rather, it was quite stifling. Suffocating, even. It was time to put an end to it.
And while the holiday was supposed to be about love, it seemed that it was putting a bit of a strain on everyone. Well, what choice did he have but to make things worse for all of them?
He smiled and nodded and quietly plotted.
His first stop was at the bar, where at least Husker seemed sufficiently miserable. He had been ever since the porn star moved out. A shame, it would have been fun to get the two of them arguing. But trying to start anything now just seemed like beating a dead horse. Or cat, as it were. Pointless, and not nearly as entertaining as his other options.
"Husker! Why, I thought you were finding your way out of the bottle. I do believe dear Vagatha asked you to minimize your alcohol consumption!" His Shadow plucked the bottle from the cat's hands, and Alastor laughed uproariously, while Husker just glared at him. "Why, what would it say about this fine establishment for you to be drinking yourself into incoherence in the lobby when it's barely noon. Think of the scandal, Husker!" Alastor took the bottle from his Shadow and inspected the label. Good, at least the cat was sticking to his own cheap booze and not touching Alastor's rye. "Just make sure you don't dip into my personal stash, Husker, or I might have to enforce another stint of sobriety! Ha ha!" The only response was a middle finger, which Alastor laughed off, melting into his shadows.
...
His first true opportunity came when Charlie's angel friend, Emily, popped in with another delivery from Heaven. Emily had a tendency to show up without any warning, and usually Charlie or Vaggi would take the delivery and spend some time talking, but both women were out, so it seemed the responsibility fell to him.
Emily had a plastic-wrapped basket full of goodies, which she shoved into his arms with a huge grin. "Hi! Alastor, right? I'm Emily! How's your arm? Feeling alright?"
Alastor's Shadow took the basket from his hands and set it down on a nearby table, and Alastor raised an eyebrow in question. "My arm?"
"Y'know, from when Vox tried to attack Heaven? And the giant shark thing tried to eat you? I really hope it didn't hurt too much when I pulled you free, but I was really scared that the laser thing would hit you, and it's a good thing I got there when I did, because it might have! At least it didn't kill me or anything." Ah. That. He had rather hoped she had forgotten about that. Though, given the shining prosthetic wing, how could she? Ugh, she better not think he owes her. He didn't ask for her help, so he owed her nothing.
"Oh, I'm right as rain, my dear! Not the first time I've had a bite taken out of me! Aha! No, I'm made of quite stern stuff, sweetheart!"
Emily nodded, but she looked a little unsure what to make of that. "Oh, um, okay. I'm glad you're alright, then! Charlie talks about you a lot."
"Oh? All bad things, I hope!" Alastor tilted his head, grinning madly at her.
Emily seemed shocked at that, shaking her head. "What? No! She thinks you're wonderful! She goes on and on about how helpful you've been! How you helped her fix up the hotel at the beginning, and you helped protect it from Adam, and you helped dealing with Vox!"
Alastor drummed his fingers on his staff, humming thoughtfully. "Oh? And what else has she told you? Has she mentioned my radio show? You know, there's a reason they call me the Radio Demon. I have a lovely little broadcast, and I do so love getting to add new voices from time to time. The screams create a rather beautiful cacophony, ha ha ha! Do you want to know how I do it? I tear their souls from their bodies and trap them in the airwaves. It's like they're being torn apart for eternity. And then I usually feast on their corpses. No use letting good meat go to waste!"
Emily's eyes widened in horror, unsure how to respond. "Oh, um, wow…" She went back to Heaven without saying much more.
Alastor was very pleased with himself. Emily would probably be a bit concerned, knowing that Charlie kept company with someone as violent as himself. Perhaps that would damage their friendship too. No reason he couldn't tear apart friendship as well as romance!
He tilted his head, and his Shadow followed his silent command, delving into the basket, which mostly consisted of sugary treats and a plush toy. But there were also two letters, one for Charlie, and one for Angel Dust's demolitionist friend, Cherri Bomb. She, like Husker, had been rather mopey since the spider's departure from the hotel, but her mood had a tendency to lift whenever a letter arrived for her from Heaven. Apparently, she was in a budding relationship with the snake who had ruined his coat. He wasn't entirely sure he understood why, considering the insults she had spewed at him after Vox's disaster.
After a moment of consideration, Alastor had the Shadow retrieve only the letter for the cyclops, which he allowed to burst into flames in his hand.
He was just about to make his way up to his radio tower when Cherri Bomb barged into the lobby, leaving a new hole in the wall. With a sigh, Alastor snapped his fingers, shadow minions rising to repair the damage. "My dear, I believe Vagatha has discussed with you several times that you are not to use your munitions in or on the hotel."
"Where's Emily?" Cherri demanded, running towards the basket and actually shoving Alastor out of the way. "She gone already? She bring me a letter from Pen? Where is it?"
"Letter? Hmm, I don't recall seeing any letters, other than the one for Charlie. I'm sure it's more information from the seraphim, though. I doubt it involves you."
"You're fucking lying, aren't you? Pentious always sends a letter, every time Em delivers somethin'."
"Check for yourself, then! You've already got your paws all over the basket!"
Cherri tore off the plastic wrapping, digging through the contents, and scowled when she didn't find the letter she expected. "Did you mess with it? I swear, I'll fucking shove enough bombs down your throat to erase you if you're hiding my letter."
"Oh, please, what use would I have for some silly letter? Perhaps the snake was just distracted. It's not as though he could have fallen in love with some beautiful angel and forgotten about you. Though, I'm sure there are plenty of those in Heaven."
"It's not some sappy love thing!"
Alastor just smiled, leaving her to stew in frustration.
Late that same afternoon, Alastor stood in the kitchen, preparing for dinner, when Charlie tried to spring another impromptu therapy session (or whatever she called this) on him.
"Hey, Alastor! How are you feeling? Does your arm hurt? You know, I was really worried and scared when Vox pointed the laser at you. If you ever need to talk about how you feel, or how you felt, or anything like that at all, I'm here for you. I always will be." Ugh, the sweet sentiments were enough to make his teeth ache, and he hadn't even eaten any sugar!
"Oh, I feel just fine, my dear! And how do you feel, now that Vaggi has taken over your hotel, hmm?" Alastor asked, neatly slicing veggies.
"What? Oh! It's been great! She's a lot better at all the managerial, day-to-day kind of stuff than I am. I think it's working a lot better now!"
"Oh, dear, I didn't realize she had made you feel so incompetent. There must have been quite an argument over that. Oh, the things you miss when you spend a few days tied up in an office chair!" Alastor set down the knife, feigning sympathy.
"Vaggi didn't say I'm incompetent! Just that I was hurting the hotel." Charlie looked down for a moment, her voice quieting before she resumed with gusto. "But she was right! I kept trying to fix things, and Vox kept twisting what I said. He took my words and turned them against us, every single time."
"Well, Charlie, that's simply what Vox does." After a moment of careful consideration, Alastor laid a hand gently on her arm, just for a second. "He's not very talented, of course, but it's rather easy to influence the masses when you can simply hyponotize them into believing whatever you say. I'm sure he would have done the same to anyone else." Except for myself, of course, Alastor thought to himself. He took his hand from her arm again and resumed preparing dinner, sliding the sliced veggies into a pan to sauté.
"Right?! He did it to Dad, too! And Dad only tried to step in because Vaggi told him what was happening, which I knew was a bad idea which is why I didn't tell him in the first place. And even after all that, she acted like she still thought it was my fault!" Oh, yes, he was right. He had missed things during his little stay at Vee Tower.
"I imagine that must have been rather frustrating."
"It was!"
"Well, then, my apologies that I wasn't here to assist, my dear. I know how to handle Vox's attepts at manipulation. But, I managed to take care of it, didn't I?" He tilted his head, softening his smile ever so slightly. The reminder seemed to work, and Charlie nodded her head, tears welling in her eyes.
"You did! And I'm still so, so grateful you did all that! If not for you, we could be at war with Heaven right now. You're a really good friend, Alastor, and I'm so glad you came back to the hotel." As she talked, he pulled the skillet off the heat and tipped the contents onto a sheet pan, along with some chicken, and poured the sauce he had prepared earlier over it.
"Don't mention it, dear! And when you are ready to take back over your hotel, I have full faith in your abilities. Even if your angel sweetheart doesn't."
With that, he slid the pan into the oven, set a timer, and melted into the shadows before Charlie could respond. What mattered was not the truth, only upending this uncomfortable peace. And if making Charlie think he believed in her more than her own girlfriend did, that was a lie he was willing to tell.
…
Alastor found Vaggi in her office the next day, where he popped up from the shadows, sitting in the chair across from her with legs crossed and hands folded elegantly.
"What do you want?" she asked, unimpressed and clearly suspicious.
"Vagatha, my dear!" Alastor beamed at her, sitting his staff down and waving his hands, as though full of energy. Which he was, just for very different reasons than he was acting.
"Not my name."
"Fine. Vaggi, my dear, I thought it prudent to stop in and discuss my role here, now that you're the manager of the hotel. Being the host, it is my job to assist you with the… operational responsibilities. Maintenance and the like." He gestured around them with open hands, palms up, indicating their surroundings.
"You quit." She crossed her arms across her chest, scowling.
"Only for show! To handle Vox!"
"Right."
"Well, there was a reason I waited until Angel Dust was in the room!"
"You knew Vox was using him?!" Oh, that
"I had my suspicions." He flipped his hand dismissively.
"And you didn't tell us?!"
"I didn't want to tip him off! Relax, it all worked out in the end!"
"Except Angel's not here."
"As I said, it all worked out! I haven't been propositioned once since Vox's little disaster!" Alastor laughed. Vaggi, of course, was unamused. "In all seriousness, dear, the war with Heaven has been averted, this little project has the full support of the authorities in Heaven, and the slanderous campaign against the hotel has ceased. I would say I did quite a good job cleaning up everyone else's messes. Now, I'm back, and ready to help ease your burden. You do look quite exhausted."
"Excuse me?" Vaggi looked skeptical, confused, and a little angry. As expected.
"Well, I can only imagine the burden you must have been carrying these past weeks. Even now that Charlie has stopped self-sabotaging the hotel's image, I'm sure it's been taxing for you."
"I mean, I guess, but… Why the fuck do you care?" Vaggi scowled at him.
"Vaggi, dear, we needn't be friends for our goals to align! I wish to be the host once more for my own entertainment, and you want to keep working on the redemption program! And we will both be happier if you allow me to take some of the weight off your shoulders. I can handle the physical repairs to the building, of course, even if the demolitionist seems intent on blowing holes in the wall at every opportunity. And if you need any assistance on handling the media, I am quite the expert at that." He puffed his chest, holding a hand to his heart. "Why, we could even arrange a little interview on my radio show to promote the hotel. Oh, don't look so sour, I don't just broadcast screams! I have a whole variety! Music, gossip, news! Why, if I cared, I might have almost been offended that Charlie went to Vox instead of me!"
"You really want to help?" She didn't look convinced. Of course she didn't, Vaggi was a very skeptical woman, unlike Charlie.
"Only for my own amusement, of course. But the hotel will get rather dull if you wear yourself to the bone trying to do it all yourself. The princess can be quite a handful, I'm well aware."
Vaggi groaned raising a hand to her head. "Fine, I guess. But stop shit-talking Charlie."
"Well, she is the one who caused all these problems by ignoring your input, isn't she? How wonderfully patient of you to continue to help her anyway! It really seems terribly unbalanced, doesn't it?"
"No, it's not like that, she just gets overly excited sometimes and needs someone to ground her. It's- oh, fuck you! I'm not talking about my relationship with you."
Vaggi grabbed her spear and pointed it at him, and Alastor just slipped away with a grin on his face. Honestly, she had opened up more than he expected. He must have truly struck gold.
That evening, as Alastor slipped through the shadows, he heard a bit of commotion from Charlie and Vaggi's room. He couldn't make out words, but after a moment, the door opened, and the angel marched down the hall, fists clenched. Oh, good, it appeared the sweethearts were arguing! Just as he had hoped.
Alastor darted past the lover's quarrel, and into a room filled with far, far too many ducks.
"Hey! Can't you read?!" Lucifer yelled, throwing a duck towards Alastor. "No Alastors allowed!" He even marched to the door and pointed at the sign, as though to prove his point.
"Oh, dear, did you make that sign just for me? Well, I thought you just couldn't figure out how to spell "alligators". Now, I don't know why you would think alligators could read or understand that sign, or why they would be in the hotel, but I wouldn't try to understand the mind of an idiot! No need to stoop down to their level, ha ha!" Alastor bent over, putting his face level with Lucifer's.
"Oh you little-"
"Now, I don't think I'm the little one here! Ha!" The king of Hell's face was red with anger, and Alastor couldn't help but push further. "Well, I don't mean to be a bother! I was just popping in to check on the wiring"
"Wiring? What are you-"
Alastor swung his staff, pushing Lucifer aside as he made his way towards an electrical plug. "Yes! The wiring! The lights in one of the rooms downstairs are flickering, and I have deduced that the issue must be in here. A loose wire, or something like that." Alastor hummed, watching carefully as his shadow, slipped into the electrical outlet.
"Excuse me, I rebuilt this hotel flawlessly, okay? If there's something wrong, it's probably your fault."
"I assure you, sire, I have done my job as the host of the hotel with great diligence. Unlike you. Why, I actually paid attention to what was going on and handled Vox. What did you do again? Oh, right! You threatened him, knowing you couldn't do anything to him, and publicly humiliated yourself, and made things infinitely worse! It was quite an entertaining show, I must admit." Alastor kept his eyes on the electrical outlet, but he could feel the air warming with Lucifer's rage.
"You saw that?!"
"Oh, I was there! You know, I have been wondering, if what Vox said was true. If he was right about why your wife left. I imagine it must have been quite an argument, to allow the exterminations." Jackpot. Flames burst from Lucifer's fists, and Alastor stayed put as the man stomped towards him. It wasn't like he could do anything, after all.
"Don't you dare talk about her!"
Just then, his shadow slipped back to his feet, and Alastor tilted his head. "Ah, I see! Not a loose wire, but a loose screw!"
"What?" The fire didn't go anywhere, but the Devil did seem confused.
"Indeed! Right up here!" Alastor bonked Lucifer in the head with his staff lightly, then raised it, as if to hit him upside the head with full force. Lucifer raised a fist, but Alastor instead slipped into his shadow, flitting from the room.
"Hey, get back here! Oh, you-" Alastor didn't hear the rest, but he didn't need to.