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To The Right Honourable Gilbert Colby, The Lord Baron of Norrickshire,

I am writing to you in the name of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV, Descendant of the First Elves and Protector of the Queendom’s Peoples, may Her reign be long and prosperous.

Our Illustrious Queen wishes me, first of all, to express Her appreciation for your graciousness. By sending your only child to serve in Our Illustrious Queen’s royal court, you tendered a precious service - both to Her and to all of Her loyal subjects - in an hour of grave need. It will surely please you to learn that The Honourable Bartholomew Colby not only astonished us by swiftly grasping the fundamentals of traditional elven potioncraft, but went on to gracefully blend that ancient art with the more pragmatic, industrial principles which guide the alchemists of your own nation. Young Bartholomew’s ingenious mass-distillation process revolutionized our production of restorative oils, enabling our potioneers to finally outpace and eliminate the barkblight epidemic threatening to deforest our homeland. This act of supreme brilliance will be remembered for countless generations, and the esteemed position of Grand Potioneer has been awarded in solemn recognition. A great and uncommon honor, particularly for a human foreigner of scarcely two decades!

I proceed now to the second matter at hand. Though it shames me to acknowledge such base mutterings at all, I must confess that there were those in the royal court who doubted the depths of your family’s friendship when The Honourable Bartholomew Colby first arrived here. Indeed, some even dared to speculate that the gesture was intended as an insult on your part, given that Our Illustrious Queen had specifically sent out an urgent request for “any and all competent chemists, alchemists, brewers, and distillers that our allies can possibly spare,” and given that, at that time, The Honourable Bartholomew Colby was unfairly reputed to be a flighty dreamer and a disappointing son of little talent. It is clear, of course, that this reputation was always the sole product of slander most vile! We are all much impressed by your foresight in recognizing your heir’s untapped potential, and in choosing not to send any less-skilled alchemists who might have hindered the young savant with their incompetence and thus potentially delayed the invention of the Colby Method. Truly, cleverness must run in your blood.

It should be noted, however, that your young heir is of such impeccably honest character - and apparently so susceptible to kindness from anyone resembling a compassionate parental figure - as to be more or less incapable of withholding information from Our Illustrious Queen. While this would merely be cause for idle comment (and perhaps a touch of amusement) under most circumstances, I would be remiss in my duties if I failed to mention that Our Illustrious Queen is now altogether aware of, and rather severely displeased by, your conspiracy with the Terwyck-Merrow family - who, as you and I are both perfectly aware, have belligerently sought the assimilation of our people and our homeland into your comparatively young nation. I am given to understand that Grand Potioneer Colby strongly objected to being drawn into collusion with these warmongers, but was summarily overruled. Let it be known, then, that Our Illustrious Queen adds Her irrefutable voice to that of Her newest royal courtier, and hereby rescinds any and all diplomatic and trade privileges that She previously granted to you, your family, and your vassals and servants. As a royal courtier in excellent standing, the Grand Potioneer is, of course, fully exempt from Our Illustrious Queen’s royal disfavor.

If you do not understand the reasoning behind your punishment, you are welcome to request clarification from the royal courtier charged with managing your correspondence: one Grand Potioneer Colby. I believe you are acquainted.

Be advised, dear Baron, that while you are certainly within your rights to correspond with your heir at will, you would be wise to take care in your manner of address. You see, Our Illustrious Queen has recently taken a liking to Grand Potioneer Colby, in the nurturing manner which is Her wont. As you may have heard, Our Illustrious Queen harbors an abiding admiration for women of the belated persuasion, and is terribly fond of guiding them towards the feminine disposition and comportment which they both desire and deserve. I assure you that She is eminently accomplished in this regard; your daughter will certainly turn heads in Norrickshire, should she deign to return there.

I would not recommend hanging your hopes on a favorable betrothal, Lady Colby’s inevitable beauty notwithstanding. Our Illustrious Queen demonstrates a decidedly amorous bent when it comes to your daughter, and it is extremely unlikely for one of Our Illustrious Queen’s lovers to harbor the slightest interest in parting from Her once they have felt the boundless warmth of Her affection. While this does mean that the Colby bloodline may well end with the Grand Potioneer, take heart: this is a dramatically kinder fate than the one which Our Illustrious Queen originally considered for you. That She ultimately chose, in Her wisdom, to be swayed by Grand Potioneer Colby’s impassioned argument for mercy is a testament to Her inimitable patience. It is also, in my view, a testament to the colossal talent of whichever governess your family employs; to raise up a woman capable of whole-hearted forgiveness, even in the face of conduct as base and craven as yours, is a truly remarkable feat of compassionate child-rearing.

Though it may not have been your aim to do so, dear Baron, take pride in the fact that you have delivered your daughter to a happy and prosperous life. After all, is that not a father's highest calling?

Grand Scribe Marielle Soviin, from the sovereign court of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV

P.S. Our Illustrious Queen has graciously reminded me of your culture’s somewhat parochial attitudes toward the sexes, and particularly towards those honorable individuals who outgrow the roles supposedly implied by their physiologies at birth. I have been commanded to make it clear that if you, at any point, make use of your daughter’s birth name or otherwise refer to her in masculine terms, there will be prompt and unavoidable consequences. You stand at the limits of Our Illustrious Queen’s mercy. I recommend against exploring the breadth of Her anger.

Father,

I am sorry that I did not write to you sooner. I was so busy helping with the barkblight! Once I hit upon the idea of using the different rates of metallic heat expansion to devise a self-timing, self-decanting distillation vessel, everything happened so fast that it nearly made my head spin. First came the prototype, and the potioneers were all so very impressed with my invention, and, well, I suppose I let the praise go to my head a little. So I taught them how to build it, and they went and taught others how to build it, and before long everyone in the Queendom knew how to build it, and suddenly everyone was saying I was responsible for eradicating barkblight. Not just stopping it - eradicating it! The Queen herself called me brilliant, father. Imagine that! Me, brilliant! I can't even describe how it feels. Some days I am terrified that I will suddenly wake and realize it was naught but a silly dream.

I know that I haven't done what you wanted me to do. I've disappointed you again. I'm sorry. I'll do better in the future. But if you had seen what I saw when I first came here, I'm sure you would understand my choice. The trees are important, father. They're essential not only to the old elven alchemical methods, but to much of the Queendom’s culture and religion, and even their beautiful architectural practices. And it isn't just the elves! I know you’ve always thought little of the elven people, father, but this land also welcomes foreign folk of all different ancestries, from all walks of life: refugees and outcasts, scholars and artisans, ousted royals and wandering heroes. I have even seen strange and beautiful dryads from faraway groves! Everyone lives well in the Queendom, and the trees are essential to all of it. This living land, and the way these people care for it and are sustained by it in turn - it's absolutely fascinating.

I wonder if I could work out some means of making the seeds take root in Norrickshire? Supposedly there's some spiritual reason the trees will only grow here, but if I can eradicate barkblight, perhaps I can charm the forest itself, too. Wouldn't that be a brilliant feat?

Please don't be angry with me, father. I know I wasn't supposed to reveal your plans. But I can still convince the Queen to forgive you. She professes to have grown fond of me, and gives me most anything I ask her for. She's so kind to me. She’ll relent if I beg her. You'll just have to be a little humble until she's not quite so frightfully angry with you, and then I’ll be able to smooth everything over. I promise I can fix this. I promise I'll do better next time. I'll make you proud, father. You'll see.

I’ve just spoken with Marielle. She says that she told you about how I'm changing. How I'm not going to be Bartholomew anymore.

Father, from the bottom of my heart, I beg your understanding. I tried my hardest. I did. It simply isn't in me to be the son you wanted me to be. That's why I felt so drawn to alchemy, you know. An alembic doesn't silently judge every aspect of my appearance the way a noble court does. There's no need to fear the grief that my reflection causes when I'm hidden behind an alchemist’s mask and cowl. This is who I am, father. This has always been me. I am so sorry that I cannot be who I'm supposed to be. I think the gods must have fashioned me wrong. I can only be true to the mismatched heart they’ve given me.

Everyone here says that I'm going to be beautiful. They say that people like me aren't odd at all, and that, after a while, nobody will ever be able to tell I wasn't born a girl. I hope that's true. I was always a disappointment to you as a son. Perhaps I can make you proud as a daughter. I don't really like the idea of taking a husband, but if it would benefit our family, I could probably bear it. I'll do anything, as long as I'm allowed to be me. I'm sure I could attract a well-off suitor once the potioneers have finished making me pretty. I've won the favor of a Queen! I hold a position in her court! They call me brilliant. I eradicated barkblight. I invented the Colby Method. I finally feel like I can become someone worthy of our family name. Please, father, do not judge me too hastily. Let me prove myself to you anew!

I beg you, father. I can be useful here. The Queen is fond of me. Give me time, and I will cool her ire. I can make everything right, you'll see. Forgive me for mucking up your plans. I've found myself at last. I know I can make you proud.

Yours,

Grand Potioneer Colby

To Gilbert Colby, The Lord Baron of Norrickshire,

Though I cannot possibly fathom why, that sweet, clever girl loves you and is desperate to earn your love in turn. For her sake alone, I had hoped to forewarn you against further inviting the wrath of Our Illustrious Queen. Your love and kindness, if indeed you have ever been capable of such things, were never necessary; you only needed to feign the very smallest degree of cordial respect. To refrain from hurting her - your own daughter! - was the sole and trifling cost of your safety.

But I suppose that is entirely beyond your abilities, if the contents of your letter are any indication. What possible benefit could you derive from such beastly cruelty? If this is truly the measure of your character, then it is fortunate indeed that your daughter has found a place in this court, far from Norrickshire and far beyond your reach.

Our Illustrious Queen has taken a full day’s furlough to comfort Grand Potioneer Colby. When She emerges from Her chambers, official correspondence will follow promptly; I imagine lasting consequences will arrive alongside.

You were warned. You chose not to listen. Whatever follows, on your own head be it.

Grand Scribe Marielle Soviin, from the court of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV

You hateful worm,

Your daughter has, once again, succeeded in persuading me to spare your life. Unless you significantly improve your conduct, I assure you that this will prove to be a very small mercy indeed.

You have lost your right to unsupervised correspondence. Grand Scribe Soviin will read your letters before they ever reach your daughter’s hands. Should you attempt further insult or coercion, the Grand Scribe will dispose of the offending letter, and I shall take great satisfaction in having you thoroughly punished.

I understand that your closest ally, Harrold Terwyck-Merrow, died in his sleep early this morning. A suspected poisoning, or so I'm told. Tragic to see such an influential man struck down in his prime. What’s more, it would seem that his younger son has vanished without a trace! If something terrible were to befall the elder son, why, I do believe the Terwyck-Merrow line would cease to exist overnight. Tragedy upon tragedy.

On a wholly unrelated note, I expect to welcome another potential lover into my company quite soon. She's a runaway, the poor girl. I do hope my Grand Potioneer likes her - they have so very much in common.

Remember this, Gilbert. Fortunes can change in an instant, and there is nothing that cannot be taken from you by a timely stroke of bad luck.

We stand at a crossroads, you and I. You retain your life, for now, because your daughter wills it - but I would still very much enjoy teaching you to envy the peace that Harrold has found. Abuse that poor girl again, and I swear on my name that you will fade into obscurity, growing old utterly alone, as your estate crumbles to ruin around you. Bite your tongue, and I shall permit you to cling to prosperity while Grand Potioneer Colby blooms into joyous womanhood under my guiding hand.

Choose carefully, Gilbert. Should history deign to remember you at all, it will be for the role you played in the life of your brilliant daughter.

You should have listened to her.

Queen Aariala Alvaana IV

Father,

I know it has been a while since my last letter. I apologize for that. I’m sure that you have simply been too busy looking after Norrickshire to write me. That's all right, though! I understand that your responsibilities take precedence.

I apologize if my focus wanders herein, father - I am simply going to make myself finish this damned letter and send it off, before I am paralyzed by fretting once more. It will take several days for the messenger to reach you, after all, and I’ve dithered long enough as it stands.

I've chosen a name: Lucilla. Aariala suggested that I choose something elven, but I thought it better to be true to my heritage, as much as I'm able. Both Aari and Mari smiled very brightly when I gave them my new name, so I suppose they must approve; Marielle observed that it has “the suggestion of an elven lilt.” They have taken to calling me Luci for short, which is a bit embarrassing, but I don't mislike it.

I must say, the Queendom has some rather unfamiliar attitudes toward relationships. Queen Aariala took in another human girl not long after your last letter - a girl like me, if you take my meaning - and has since begun obliquely encouraging the two of us to embrace and so forth, even though she purports to have designs on us both! I always politely demur, of course; a Colby should not act with such abandon. But the Queen only laughs, as though my embarrassment is pleasing to her! I cannot tell whether she is teasing me, or just amused by my foreign sensibilities. At least I know that she is not being cruel. I cannot imagine Queen Aariala ever being cruel to anyone.

This other girl doesn't like to talk about where she came from - she won’t even tell me her surname, which makes things a bit awkward as she hasn't chosen her own name yet, leaving me with nothing to call her! Still, she is of a kind and gentle temperament, and I am grateful for her company. She seems endlessly knowledgeable about politics and noble lineages and such. I wish that I was even half as clever as her, yet when I say as much, she seems greatly astonished and goes on at length about my supposed brilliance! I will never grow accustomed to being praised like that.

While I have no intention of behaving improperly towards her - despite Aari’s prodding - I must admit that, after a long day of potioneering, it feels quite nice to rest my head on this yet-unnamed girl’s shoulder while we chat. That kind of thing is not unusual for women, after all. And anyway, even the men do such things with their friends here in the Queendom; but of course that is no surprise, as gentleness and sensitivity are in keeping with the old elven way of life.

Gods. She and I are friends, aren't we? It dawned on me as I was writing this letter. I've made a friend, father. A real friend. Spending time with her feels as natural as breathing. Is this what it's like for people who aren't like me - for people fashioned correctly by the gods? All this time, have my awkwardness and anxiety been caused by an invisible ailment, a sort of spiritual alienation from the body into which I was born? I can scarcely bear to think on it. All those wasted years! If I had only known the nature of my condition - if I had only known that it could be neatly remedied by simply changing my body, instead of striving to change my very self!

I must speak to the physicians and potioneers about this. I wonder what goes into the transformative tinctures that Aari has been giving me? I should like to learn how to make those. I cannot tolerate the thought that others like me might be suffering as I did, simply for want of suitable medicine. If I can save even one person from that pain, then it shall all be time well spent.

I have enclosed a schematic for my special distillation device - the one that earned me the title of Grand Potioneer. Perhaps our family could profit from selling it? If we trade on my reputation as the eradicator of barkblight, we might be able to spark a trend among the alchemists back home. Get enough of them experimenting with elven methods, and they'll all rush to buy our distillers so that they aren't left behind by their competitors.

I could even gather some useful recipes from the Queendom’s potioneers and send them home to you, if you like. Some of their tonics are truly incredible! They're typically meant to be imbibed immediately after concoction, but that's all right - I'm sure I can either stabilize the brews themselves or find some way to preserve their raw ingredients for export.

Please write back soon, father. I know I disappointed you, but I am still a Colby. I can be useful to you here.

Your daughter,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

To The Right Honourable Gilbert Colby, The Lord Baron of Norrickshire,

Our Illustrious Queen is greatly pleased by the recent improvement in your tone. Provided that you maintain this degree of civility, She is willing to allow Her Grand Potioneer to furnish you with valuable recipes from time to time.

Bear in mind that Her magnanimity, while vast, is not incompatible with Her fury. She has not forgiven your cruelty toward Lucilla, nor has She demonstrated any intention of doing so. Just as your kindness must apparently be bought with wealth, so must Our Illustrious Queen’s mercy be bought with your daughter’s continued happiness.

May this arrangement prove satisfactory to all parties involved.

Grand Scribe Marielle Soviin, from the court of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV

Father,

I am glad to hear that my design is selling well! I have enclosed three useful recipes for you to consider. I had to adjust them slightly due to the limited availability of certain ingredients outside of the Queendom, but the other potioneers and I have tested the new blends extensively and concluded that they are both safe and effective. Please let me know how they are received - I like to pass time by choosing a recipe at random and experimenting with the finer details of its distillation process, so I will be happy to focus on anything that proves popular! I shall forward any promising refinements that I discover.

Do you remember the other human girl that I mentioned? She has decided to name herself Ruth. I think it's a pretty name. I suspect the Queen thinks so too, as she takes every opportunity to whisper it in the poor girl’s ear, just to see how it makes her smile!

Did I smile so ridiculously, when Queen Aariala first spoke my name? I suspect I might have. Aari has such a charismatic presence that it is impossible not to grow bashful when she decides to tease. I almost expected to be jealous, but I confess, I rather enjoy watching her dote on Ruth. It is lovely to see them both so happy.

I believe the tinctures are beginning to affect my body. I already feel much brighter and more alive than ever before, and I can tell that I am changing in other ways, as well. My skin feels softer than it used to, and I am even starting to smell different! I've been getting strange aches in certain parts of my anatomy, too, but Aari and Mari have both said that a bit of pain is a normal part of the process. Aariala has promised that the changes will be more than worth the discomfort, so I suppose I'll just grin and bear it.

I cannot help feeling a little impatient. I rather like everything that the tinctures have done so far; I want to see what happens next!

Do let me know how those recipes perform, father. I must finish writing this letter and change into something more respectable than a potioneer’s garb, as I promised to join Aari and Ruth for dinner this evening. I think they're annoyed that I keep getting lost in my experiments and forgetting to eat.

Your daughter,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

Gilbert,

I see that you have finally taken my ultimatum to heart. Good boy.

To ease grief and avert undue hardship, I have made arrangements for a modest sum of coin to find its way to the respective families of your deceased spies. I did warn you that each discarded letter would bring its own punishment. It is most fortunate that you learned your lesson before you ran out of spies; I shall return the remainder to you unharmed, that you may employ them elsewhere. Perhaps consider a nation with an intelligence network that is not primarily composed of individuals whose field experience exceeds the average human lifespan.

Lucilla was delighted to receive your most recent letter. The poor girl was moved to tears, so relieved was she to finally win her wretched father’s approval. Such honeyed words, Gilbert! I greatly approve.

Maintain your good behavior, and I shall continue to behave as though I've forgotten about that scheme you were hatching with the late Harrold Terwyck-Merrow.

Your daughter will pen her response soon. Continue to be kind to her, and in exchange I will continue to be tolerant of your distasteful presence in my beloved Lucilla’s life. So long as you quell your crueler impulses, so too shall I quell mine.

Queen Aariala Alvaana IV

Father,

I am so glad that business is picking up. I knew I could prove myself to you. Thank you for giving me the chance to do so. Do you see what I meant, now? This is why I couldn't bring myself to go through with your plan. The Queendom is incredible, father. The breadth of their knowledge is breathtaking! They have so much to share with us, if we care to learn from them.

I've enclosed a few interesting recipes. You'll note that one of them is a revised version of the scarlet ague treatment that I sent home last time. I found a way to reduce the salve to a powder which, if kept carefully dry, should retain its medicinal potency almost indefinitely. It only needs to be mixed into boiling water and then allowed to cool before it is administered. With this method, alchemists can produce, store, and distribute large batches of the treatment without fear of spoilage, while untrained caretakers can tend to the sick by themselves, for as long as their supply of medicinal powder and clean water lasts. Perhaps I’m being overly optimistic, but I do think this will greatly ameliorate the death toll of any future outbreaks.

When I showed Ruth my notes, she wept, and I was surprised to find myself weeping with her even before she spoke. She explained that the scarlet ague took an aunt and two cousins from her when she was a child. I told her through my tears that the damned ague won't take anyone at all anymore if I have anything to say about it, and she hugged me so tightly that I had to beg her to let go, for my chest has been feeling exceedingly tender lately. Then Ruth went and told everyone what I'd invented, and I got hugged twice more, once by Aari and once by Mari! I was so damnably sore that I had to go and soak in the baths until the ache became tolerable again.

She kissed me the other day. Ruth, I mean. Aariala gives me playful little kisses all the time - which I presume is her right as the Queen, and I certainly don’t mind it in any event - but with Ruth, it was different. I cannot stop thinking about it. Father, I fear I may be smitten.

Aari has been acting very pleased with herself all day. Ruth must have told her. If that is the case, I suspect my protestations over her teasing will ring hollow from now on. I feel a little ashamed to admit this, but I find myself tempted to throw all duty and propriety to the wind and devote myself to pursuing a courtship with Ruth. Supposedly that sort of thing is not uncommon in the Queendom.

Gods. I cannot even imagine how self-satisfied Aari would be, were she to read this letter! I suppose she really does have a keen understanding of women like Ruth and I, to predict this outcome so expertly. Marielle sometimes calls her an “admirer” when we speak on the subject. I have never heard that term in this context, but I confess, I do feel greatly admired when Queen Aariala looks upon me. It is not unpleasant.

Do you think I could bring Ruth to visit Norrickshire some day, just to show her around?

Gods damn it all. I really am smitten, aren’t I? Forgive me, father. My head is in the clouds today.

I've just heard Ruth calling for me. Until next time, father. I hope that this latest collection of recipes proves useful to you. Perhaps we can eradicate the scarlet ague, next.

With love,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

To The Right Honourable Gilbert Colby, The Lord Baron of Norrickshire,

Allow me to preface this missive, esteemed Baron, by acknowledging your admirable tact in reaching out to me directly. This is of course far preferable to bothering Our Illustrious Queen - or unduly distressing your daughter.

On the matter of succession: Grand Potioneer Colby remains the final authority on the subject. I am permitted to inform you that Lucilla has shown no interest in producing an heir, and has in fact intimated that she is not overly fond of the idea. I am also permitted to inform you that Our Illustrious Queen seems grimly amused by the notion that the application of feminizing tinctures might effectively conclude your family line. I will stress, however, that Lucilla’s happiness remains Her sole and unalloyed interest in this regard! Should Luci ultimately decide that she would find joy in raising a child, she will enjoy the full and unconditional support of this royal court, and of Our Illustrious Queen, in doing so.

I recommend against attempting to pressure her, as I have been specifically instructed to refer you for punishment in that eventuality. May I suggest turning your efforts inward, instead? It is theoretically possible that the Grand Potioneer might be more amenable to continuing her family line if she knows that her child or children will have a kindly grandfather, instead of a cruel one. But this is all conjecture, of course; I am merely a humble scribe, with only three loving children to my name.

On the matter of trade: I regret to inform you that Our Illustrious Queen has no interest in awarding new privileges to the Colby family, nor is She interested in restoring any that may have been revoked in recent times. Your daughter Lucilla remains exempt from this judgment, and so may send schematics, recipes, and other gifts to you at her own discretion.

You are correct to observe that Lucilla is now your sole trade connection in the whole of the Queendom. I cannot personally validate or refute your theory that Our Illustrious Queen engineered this situation specifically to spite you, as the sophisticated machinations of Her royal mind are definitively above my humble station. I apologize that I cannot be of greater assistance.

On the matter of your daughter (specifically, Our Illustrious Queen’s interest in her): to be bluntly honest, dear Baron, Our Illustrious Queen’s interest in Lucilla was obvious from the very day she first arrived at court. The length of the elven lifespan provides many opportunities to hone skills and refine interests; though Our Illustrious Queen may be relatively young by elven standards, I assure you that She has been introducing women like Luci to their truest, most joyful selves since your father was scarcely a child. To recognize the signs of latent womanhood is a trivial matter for one of Her considerable expertise.

I can understand, however, why you might mistakenly conclude that Our Illustrious Queen’s courtship of your daughter is meant to punish you by severing the Colby family’s line of succession. Allow me, therefore, to clarify: in arranging Lucilla’s access to transformative treatments, neither you nor your political ambitions were ever given any royal consideration at all. It is a Queen’s prerogative to show whatever kindness She deigns - and in Lucilla’s case, She does indeed deign.

Should you find yourself plagued by any other burning questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I will be pleased to offer such insights as are needed.

Grand Scribe Marielle Soviin, from the court of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV

Dearest Father,

Thank you for forwarding that bundle of letters from the survivors of scarlet ague. I knew that the powdered distillate would make a difference, but to know something logically and to witness the proof of it are two very different things! Ruth and I stayed up reading them for hours. I will not pretend that we were able to maintain a state of dry-eyed dignity for any length of time, but when we reached the miller’s letter, we were both utterly undone. There is something impossibly moving about it: the immense depth of gratitude, conveyed bluntly and painstakingly in the hand of one barely literate, together with his son’s little drawing of their family! Oh, father, Ruth and I were wracked by such unbecoming sobs that Queen Aariala woke from her sleep and rushed to ask us what was wrong!

I can tell that Aari is still cross with you, though she does her best to hide it so as not to upset me. Even so, when we showed her the letters, I could see her heart softening a little. I keep telling her that you are only strict because you want what is best for me, and I think she understands that better now.

It was very kind of you to send these, father. I will treasure them.

Ruth and I have grown very close. She confessed to being a Terwyck-Merrow, which she seemed to find very shameful. As for me, I do not see why her father's ambitions should define the whole course of her life. She looked at me a bit strangely when I said that, but then smiled and kissed me. Sometimes I do not understand this woman! I expect to amend that over time, however, as I am deeply smitten with her, and thus terribly keen to learn everything there is to know about her.

I was right about the Queen, by the way. She is downright smug about the little romance that Ruth and I have been enjoying! I do sometimes worry about Aari’s feelings, given that she claims such vast affection for us, but she seems perfectly confident that she can successfully court us both into her embrace even as we court one another. Such a strange way of doing things! Though, I must confess that I do not mislike it. It is very flattering to feel so desired, especially by such wonderful women.

I'm afraid I've only got two new potion recipes to share this time - I have found my focus wandering lately, thanks in part to my infatuation with Ruth occupying my every waking thought. I’ve been experimenting with scents, and have come up with a few that people seem to like. I will include the recipes for those as well - Marielle tells me that perfumes can be quite lucrative in the right market.

Thank you again for the letters, father. If I think about that miller’s family for too long I am liable to ruin my writing with my tears, so I will conclude this message here.

With love,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

Baron Colby,

Flattery, is it? Plucking your daughter’s heartstrings to court her favor, so that she will consider giving you a grandson, despite her own reluctance? You are a cunning little man, I'll grant you that.

The letters of thanks were a particularly inspired touch.

I shall be frank: it infuriates me to discover that you have always been capable of bringing Lucilla such joy, yet have only elected to do so recently, in pursuit of your own goals - after choosing, for years, to fill her head with fear and shame instead! She has told me all about her upbringing, Gilbert. What drives a man to such cruelty? Is your culture so loveless that you, yourself, have never known the warmth of parental affection? Were you raised from birth to be a perfect reflection of your hateful father, just as he was made to reflect his? Or have the burdens and excesses of your station simply twisted you into the same manner of scheming, rapacious creature that Harrold Terwyck-Merrow became, before his tragic end?

When I imagine my lovely, brilliant Lucilla growing up under your hand, destined for the same life of tyrannical cruelty, I understand anew why she wept so powerfully upon taking her first tincture. The peerage of your nation harbors an evil beyond the reach of any law, an evil that wears the faces of fathers and delights in thrashing the gentleness out of innocent children - and it has left my beloved so wounded that she still writes to it in order to beg for its approval! I cannot even bring myself to loathe you, Baron Gilbert Colby of Norrickshire, for I know precisely how you were made. You are hollow - vestigial - a single, withered digit of the cruel hand that shaped you. When I consider you, I experience only the gentle dispassion of a healer inspecting a gangrenous limb, and my thoughts inevitably turn to the merits of amputation.

And yet: when I look upon Lucilla, I see that she is joyful.

I know exactly what sort of man you are, Gilbert, and I see exactly what you are trying to do. However, because your efforts to curry her goodwill have incidentally earned you some miniscule fraction of mine, I shall tolerate your nonsense in good humor. I do love to indulge my girls.

My Luci is happy, and so our arrangement stands. I shall leave you to prosper in peace.

Queen Aariala Alvaana IV

Dearest father,

Oh, how I wish we could live in less interesting times! Marielle says that some of the noble families are still agitating for war with the Queendom. I had hoped that the warmongers would lose some of their fire once they saw what Queen Aariala has done for we Colbys and our countryfolk - just look at how we’ve beaten back the scarlet ague! But then, I suppose hatred and reason are rarely bedfellows.

Ruth seems especially troubled by this news, which I can understand, considering that her family has traditionally been among the loudest voices in favor of war. She has told me a little about her father Harrold, and the methods he used to discipline her. Gods! What an awful man! I will not say that I am glad of his unexpected passing, as that would be very uncouth - but I will not pretend to be saddened by it, either. Perhaps Ruth’s older brother will take a kinder hand in managing their family.

On a happier note, I have been making more friends in the royal court. One of them is the messenger that Queen Aariala uses for all of her most important personal correspondence. Her name is Jerys, and I quite enjoy the way she laughs - sort of a pretty rolling chuckle. Ha ha hee hee. So charmingly rogueish! Jerys always gives off the impression of a woman who knows all sorts of very funny secrets. She is quite friendly with Queen Aariala, which seems odd for a mere messenger, but I suppose things are simply done differently in the Queendom.

You know, father, I suspect that Jerys might be like Ruth and I. It is probably harder to tell with elves - I cannot help but envy the natural grace and delicateness of their men! - but Jerys laughed knowingly when I complained of my aching chest, and she seemed quite knowledgeable about the other effects of Queen Aariala’s tinctures. It would be nice to have another friend who understands my perspective intimately, especially if she has already been through it all, and so can forewarn me of any further growing pains!

Besides, she is terribly pretty. Ruth and I were whispering about it after we first met her. If Jerys really is like us, then we shall eagerly look forward to seeing what the tinctures bring with time, aches and pains notwithstanding!

I have enclosed a bundle of recipes. I shall endeavor to find something more interesting for next time, as most are remedies for common ailments - not especially prestigious, but they should sell quite reliably, at least. One of them is a mild poison which, if ingested sparingly with a great deal of water, can kill and expel digestive parasites whilst leaving the host alive and healthy (albeit exhausted and parched - it is apparently rather an unpleasant process!).

I confess, the concept of beneficial poisons fascinates me! Such an intriguing contradiction. I spoke to Jerys about it at lunch yesterday, and she appeared extremely interested in my musings. She revealed that she grew up in rough circumstances outside of the Queendom, and so is quite familiar with the elimination of harmful parasites. What luck! I believe I will invite her to join me in my experiments, so that I can benefit from her practical experience in that regard. I am certain that I can refine the poison to be less injurious to the imbiber while still effectively neutralizing any parasitic infections.

Forgive my ramblings, father. I fear I’ve let my excitement get the better of me! I am enjoying my work here as Grand Potioneer, and it pleases me greatly to know that my discoveries are of value to you as well. I am so proud to represent our family in the Queendom.

Your loving daughter,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

To The Right Honourable Gilbert Colby, The Lord Baron of Norrickshire,

There is no need to apologize for your curiosity - I could never think less of you simply for wishing to better understand your daughter’s experiences.

While the tinctures provided to Lucilla are indeed supplied by the royal potioneering service, she is also quite capable of distilling them herself, given access to the requisite ingredients. You may rest assured that she will never be deprived of this essential, life-improving medicine.

As to the exact effects of the tinctures, they depend on the individual patient. Most patients come to resemble their mothers somewhat, but their paternal bloodlines can impact their appearances as well, per usual. In the majority of cases, the end result is not at all dissimilar to how one might expect a daughter-by-birth to appear! While the overall timeline can vary somewhat depending on diet, health, and other factors, most patients achieve an unmistakably feminine appearance within a scant handful of years. Given her excellent care and living conditions - to say nothing of her scheduled education in dress, make-up, comportment, and other matters befitting a courtly lady such as herself - we may expect Lucilla to grow quite beautiful over the span of a year or two at most, and she will only become lovelier from there.

You mentioned, dear Baron, that Luci has been complaining of aches and tenderness in her chest. I assure you, this is merely an indicator that her breasts are developing properly. Growing pains are an unpleasant, but healthy and expected, byproduct of this process.

In the interests of decorum, I will not speculate on your motive for asking after your daughter’s reproductive capabilities; in the interests of discharging my duties to Our Illustrious Queen, I must politely remind you that pressuring your daughter in any way will produce immediate consequences. With that out of the way, let us move on to your next question: yes, your court alchemist is correct in his assessment - the sustained application of feminizing tinctures does result in some atrophy of the so-called “male” reproductive organs. While this typically produces no negative impact on a woman’s ability to enjoy intimacy with her partner or partners (and in fact has quite the opposite effect, in some cases), it will indeed continuously diminish her overall potency and ability to sire children.

Because you have been kind to Lucilla recently, dear Baron, I will be kind to you in turn. To answer the question which you have so carefully and courteously left unasked: should Lucilla decide that she wishes to sire an heir, she will find it easiest to do so in the very near future. The coming months and years will bring bodily changes which make procreation increasingly challenging for her (though not necessarily impossible).

I would like to take this opportunity to reiterate, very cordially and entirely without rancor, that Our Illustrious Queen still has me reading your letters for any sign of coercive malfeasance.

You may ask Lucilla, if you must, but I implore you to be gentle in the asking.

Grand Scribe Marielle Soviin, from the court of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV

P.S. Lucilla has had the miller’s letter framed, and now proudly displays it on the wall of her study. Whatever animosity may have existed between you and I in the past, it is impossible to deny that forwarding that correspondence to Luci was a very kindly gesture on your part. I am pleasantly surprised, to say the least, and I hope to see this side of you more often in our future dealings.

Dearest father,

I am such a mess! Not only am I head over heels for Ruth, but I find myself growing warm and flustered in Queen Aariala’s presence, too. What’s more, Ruth has already confessed to being smitten with her, yet insists that she remains whole-heartedly smitten with me as well! Before coming to the Queendom, I had scarcely even heard of situations like this. How would such a relationship work? What in the world is to be done if one of us develops ambitions of betrothal? I have been fretting about this all day. Do the old elven traditions permit marriages of three or more spouses? And what if the spouses are all women? I cannot begin to conceive of such a thing. It all seems so hopelessly complicated.

I’ve voiced my confusion to Ruth, but that only made matters worse. She is of a mind that Aariala might intend to take us as concubines! It worries me that I cannot tell whether she is joking. It worries me further that I cannot decide how to feel about such a possibility. I do love it here in the Queendom, and I can certainly imagine falling in love with Ruth, or Aari, or - gods help me - possibly both, in some mad eventuality. Yet, I have my responsibilities to consider. I am the sole Colby of my generation! Should I not at least attempt to seek a favorable betrothal? Then again, what manner of betrothal could offer greater benefit than a romantic entanglement with a Queen? Oh, father, I don’t know what to do!

Everything is unfolding exactly as Queen Aariala predicted it would. I do not know whether to be impressed or intimidated. I cannot understand how Aari came to possess such gentle cunning! It is as though she can read my every thought just by looking at me. Yesterday, she brushed my hair out of my face and praised me, and the unexpected sweetness of it left my faculties so hopelessly addled that Marielle had to take me outside for some fresh air! I almost had to leave again when Ruth greeted my return with that insufferably delightful smirk of hers. She seems quite eager to explore this strange, triangular courtship idea of Aariala’s, and despite my best efforts, I find myself more curious with each passing day.

I know you're concerned about succession, father, but how would that work? I am a woman. I could probably manage to lie with a woman - one by birth, I mean - and attempt to sire a child upon her, though the thought is oddly repulsive to me. But the only path to proper succession is to produce a child in wedlock. What noble lady would seriously consider a betrothal with me, knowing that I shall be just as womanly as she within a handful of years? My chest has already begun to fill out; it is becoming increasingly obvious that I am somewhere between the sexes at present, physiologically speaking. Ruth and Aari don’t mind in the slightest, but they are surely the exceptions that prove the rule. What manner of well-heeled lady would ever consent to lie with me, let alone marry me?

Come to think of it, I suppose there might be “admirers” like Aariala back home, too. I had not considered that. Perhaps I could be reasonably content with such an arrangement, assuming that we can even find a marriageable noblewoman who will look at me the way that Aari does. But that would mean eventually leaving the Queendom behind, and Aari and Ruth with it. I can scarcely bear to entertain the thought. And what would our more traditionally-minded peers think of a marriage between women? You must remember the hateful scandal that ensued when Adelia Bartlett-Mettonfast was caught in a dalliance with one of her maids.

This is all so overwhelming, father. Please, give me some time to think everything through.

On a less stressful note, Jerys has consented to assist me in my experiments when she is not otherwise engaged. While she has not been a great help thus far, I find her company very agreeable. The woman is wickedly funny, father! Her sense of humor is decidedly ribald at times, but it would not be fair to hold that against her, given the circumstances of her birth.

Marielle seems to find it amusing that I've recruited Jerys to help me research antiparasitic treatments - she nearly burst out laughing when she first learned of it. I do not think that is reasonable of Mari at all. The common people are often quite knowledgeable of folk remedies and other ancient medicines! It is entirely possible that Jerys’ aid may be the key to a new discovery. If not, I shall nevertheless enjoy building upon our friendship.

I have enclosed a selection of interesting recipes. One of these details a stimulating elixir of some sort. Jerys and Mari are both familiar with it, and have cautioned that it should only be imbibed very sparingly, to sharpen one's focus for important tasks. I am told that overuse of this powerful draught can cause attacks of anxiety and terrible headaches. Seeing as a single cup of wine is enough to leave me flushed, I believe I shall refrain from personally testing this particular brew.

Now that I think on it, I wonder whether carefully diluting the elixir into a stabilizing medium might yield a gentler effect over a longer period of time? What an intriguing thought. I shall have to test that once Jerys and I have completed our research into antiparasitic toxins.

Please let me know what you think of these recipes, father. I shall eagerly anticipate your next letter.

Your loving daughter,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

Baron Colby,

You have been unfailingly polite since my first warning found its mark, so I shall grant you the courtesy of delivering a second.

Your inquiries into succession are causing Lucilla no small degree of distress. She’s becoming upset, and I grow upset in turn. This is not ideal for you.

Rest assured that your daughter is giving the matter serious thought. Rest assured, as well, that I have elected not to influence her unduly. I will not suffer anyone to coerce my beloved. She is a woman, not a head of livestock to be bartered and bred.

We shall give her the time she needs, Gilbert. We shall respect her choice, whatever it may be.

Join me in doing this, and I am prepared to consider putting aside our agreement in favor of a more complete and lasting forgiveness. I have found your conduct most agreeable of late.

Queen Aariala Alvaana IV

Dearest father,

Thank you for your patience. I understand that the Colby succession is an important matter, and I am sorry that I have been so scattered recently. I have been talking to the ladies about it and they are all very supportive. Aari even suggested that enlisting a willing lover to produce an heir out of wedlock might be a reasonable compromise, as you and I could simply acknowledge the child’s claim in the absence of any other heirs, but that does not feel right to me! If I am indeed to bring a child into this world, I cannot bear to doom the poor thing to a life of scrutiny and derision simply for being a so-called bastard. Forgive my impropriety, father, but sometimes I despise the callous and inflexible traditions of our nobility! If only we could convince our peers to adopt some of the Queendom’s more progressive attitudes.

Ruth has been particularly sweet lately. I suppose she would understand my conundrum better than most, as she is a Terwyck-Merrow. She will have been raised up to expect this sort of responsibility, just as I was. At least she is the younger in her generation. I have always been all alone in mine. I feel ashamed of myself, curling up in her arms to moan about my woes, but I am nonetheless grateful that I can do so at all. I am so much less alone than I used to be.

I was able to borrow Jerys for some more experiments. She seems exceptionally worldly when it comes to using poisons to eliminate troublesome vermin. I gather that, having grown up under humble circumstances, she found herself dabbling in a number of professions to support herself before achieving success as a messenger. It is so inspiring to think that an impoverished rat-catcher might, through cleverness and perseverance, ascend to the position of a Queen’s personal courier! I am very glad of Jerys’ friendship, for she is truly an amazing woman.

That distinctive laugh of hers is so infectious, too! Ha ha hee hee. It always cheers me, even when I have been fretting over my familial responsibilities. This is fortunate, as Jerys’ lurid (and occasionally rather dark) sense of humor still shocks me at times!

I have enclosed several more recipes for your consideration. Among them is an elaboration upon the antiparasitic poison draught which I forwarded in an earlier letter. With assistance from Jerys and a number of accomplished physicians, I have been able to thoroughly quantify varying intensities of the draught, together with instructions as to dosage volume and frequency, to more precisely tailor the treatment to individual patients. It is my hope that this will prove helpful to any less-experienced doctors assessing advanced cases of infestation, as gut parasites can eventually leave their victims rather frail and sickly - and thus vulnerable to expiring should they, for example, imbibe a phial of dehydrating medicinal poison!

I am going to return to Ruth now, I think. I cannot lie, father: I believe that I may be falling in love with her. I know that a formal relationship is not likely to be available to us in the long term, but perhaps, if I am subtle, I could still steal away to spend time with her now and then as the years go by. Sometimes I am so envious of Jerys! Without the responsibilities of a noble lineage to consider, she simply lives and loves as she pleases. Perhaps that is why she laughs so often.

Your loving daughter,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

Baron Colby,

I am much surprised, yet equally pleased, to see you recapitulate my own outlook in this matter. We shall agree, then, to let our Lucilla ponder at her own pace.

I know that you have been asking questions of my Grand Scribe, and I understand your anxiety. I shall therefore be direct: time is wearing on, yes, and the tinctures are doing their work quite well, but there is another way. You are not so old that you could not sire another son if need be - and lately, you have been gracious enough that I would expect any further children of yours to enjoy somewhat gentler upbringings than the one you gave Luci. Perhaps there is a path to success for all of us, Gilbert. Perhaps, in light of your recent warmth toward your daughter, it would please me to pave your path for you. It is right and just to answer kindness in kind. Wouldn’t you agree?

I have instructed my court that you are, on a probationary basis, once more permitted to bid upon the export of potioneering equipment and reagents. This will be a considerable boon to your fortunes in the alchemy market, and aid you greatly in attracting a healthy wife of noble birth, should that be your inclination. In the event that this arrangement yields a favorable outcome with respect to your succession, I shall fully and unconditionally overturn my previous judgment against your family, once more granting the Colbys free rein to travel and do business within my Queendom. Your forthcoming heir will inherit a bright future indeed.

Remember that I am no fool, Gilbert. While I am prepared to acquit you as an act of goodwill, this does not mean that I have forgotten your failed conspiracy against my nation and my people. I know that the Terwyck-Merrow boy has elected to follow in his bloodthirsty father’s footsteps. I also know that he aims to maintain the alliance that you and Harrold forged between your respective families. He will reach out to you for your support in fomenting a war. When he does, I expect you to be politely noncommittal.

Queen Aariala Alvaana IV

Dearest father,

It has been a little while since our last exchange of letters, hasn’t it? I understand that you’ve been rather busy, of course - I was so surprised to hear about your betrothal! But I think that’s wonderful, father. It’s been a long time since mother passed away, and I have often thought that it seemed like a very lonely existence, ruling a barony all by yourself. You must be so happy! I will try not to pester you with too many questions, even though my curiosity is almost unbearable.

I know she’ll only be my stepmother, but do you think she would mind if I were to call her “mother?” Oh, I do hope we get along well.

At least you have given us something to celebrate. The mood around here has been rather tense recently. The whole royal court is in a tizzy, and Ruth is inconsolable. Her brother is now openly campaigning for war, claiming that Queen Aariala had Harrold Terwyck-Merrow assassinated! Ruth swears before all the gods that it isn’t true, though she won’t tell me how she can be so certain of it.

I can think of only one way. I refuse to put it to the page. The very notion is absurd and offensive. I know Ruth’s heart, and she is as gentle a woman as has ever walked this world! Though I understand that desperation can compel even the sweetest soul to bitter deeds, I simply cannot imagine her capable of such a thing. Not my Ruth.

The way I see it, any man cruel enough to treat his child the way Harrold treated Ruth must necessarily accrue quite a lot of enemies throughout his life. Most anyone could have put an end to him, if you ask me. In fact, I suspect that there are many people who wish that they had been the ones to do the deed! I think it obvious that Baron Terwyck-Merrow is simply spinning lies to gather support. It is clear that he means to finish his father’s work and lead an invasion of the Queendom!

Please, father, for my sake, you must do everything in your power to prevent this! The bloodshed would be horrific, and so much knowledge and culture could potentially be lost! Besides, Queen Aariala has been so good to us. Surely there is a diplomatic resolution to be had.

I do not think that we would win, father. I know that the Queendom does not favor traditional displays of military strength, and I know that Queen Aariala has shown no interest in conquest, but you must believe me when I tell you that invading these people in their own forests would be incredibly foolhardy. I shudder to imagine the sheer attrition. It is not by luck that the Queendom has, whether sooner or later, ultimately repelled every invasion in all its lengthy history. Please, if you can, try to convince Baron Terwyck-Merrow of this. I cannot bear the thought of so many honest folk being levied into service, just to march off and die senselessly in a foreign land.

Jerys always scolds me for “feeding the worries” when I fret like this. She says it’s best to give oneself something else to focus on, instead. I will try to follow her advice. I have fed the worries enough for one letter.

Very well, then. I shall endeavor to apprise you of the latest developments in my life.

Aariala and I have grown much closer since last I wrote. I can no longer deny that my heart yearns for her, just as it does for Ruth. What an absurd woman I am becoming! But I do love her, father. I love them both. When they embrace me, I feel safe and treasured. They are so wonderful to me.

I have thought on it very carefully, and I don’t think I can bear to fulfil my obligation in terms of succession. I’m sorry, father, truly. But perhaps that won’t be an issue? Aari mentioned a rumor that you plan to sire another heir of your own. I think that’s very clever of you, father, and I would be absolutely delighted to welcome a little brother to our family. I won’t be angry with you if I am passed over as the primary inheritor, so please don’t worry about me! I’m a good potioneer, but I don’t think I would make a very good Baroness, and I would certainly have been utter rubbish as a Baron. So long as we can rest assured that Norrickshire and the family estate are in capable hands, I am perfectly content to make my own way.

Perhaps I could stay here in the Queendom, together with the women I love. I could devote myself to my work as Grand Potioneer, and bring wealth and fame to the Colby family with my inventions, and serve as our family’s representative in Aariala’s royal court. I would like that very much.

The tinctures have certainly been doing their work. I’ve grown enough that I must wear a brassiere, now, and I think my hips must be widening, the way I keep clumsily bumping them into things. With a corseted dress and a skilful application of makeup, I sometimes mistake my reflection for that of an ordinary woman - albeit a tall, somewhat underfed, and perhaps slightly homely one, with unflatteringly boyish hair. Oh, but please never reveal to anyone that I wrote those unkind things about myself! The ladies all become terribly stern with me when I voice such thoughts aloud. It is admittedly sweet of them, if a little bit smothering.

Aariala was right when she told me that the pain would be worthwhile. I’m still dreadfully sensitive, but if that means I am still changing, then I welcome this discomfort with open arms. I would not complain of a more developed figure. It is hard not to feel envious when I see Aari wearing one of her lovely bodiced dresses. Even so, I am so much happier now than I have ever been before. Neither of us could have predicted that things would turn out this way, father, but all the same, I am profoundly grateful that you sent me to the Queendom!

I have enclosed a bundle of recipes and schematics for you to peruse. Of particular note is the milder, longer-lasting stimulant I previously mused about developing - Marielle and the other royal scribes are already very fond of that particular invention, and I suspect it will be extremely popular back home! You will also, to my chagrin, find recipes for other performance-enhancing substances, these being of the decidedly intimate persuasion. I was immensely reluctant to include those, as it is very embarrassing to even discuss such things with family, and I couldn't bear to inadvertently imply anything insulting! However Jerys rather earnestly (if crassly and a bit stubbornly) insisted that both you and your future wife would be very grateful for their inclusion. For my part, I withhold all comment on the matter and in fact refuse to think on it in any capacity whatsoever. I am simply passing on potentially lucrative trade information. Someone will pay good coin for it, I am certain.

Please give my warmest regards to your future wife, father! I hope that you are very happy together, and I will pray for your success and prosperity in all matters.

Your loving daughter,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby

To Gilbert Colby, The Lord Baron of Norrickshire,

First of all, I offer my most heartfelt congratulations on your recent remarriage, both on my own behalf and in the name of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV, Descendant of the First Elves and Protector of the Queendom’s Peoples. May you and your wife be joyful in the time that you share.

Secondly, if you will permit a baldly honest question: what, in the name of every last fornicating god and goddess, do you think you are doing?

Your daughter, Lucilla, is aware that her homeland is currently swirling with rumors about her. She is aware of the abhorrently false claim that Our Illustrious Queen ordered her kidnapping so that she could be - and I hesitate to waste good ink on such a crude and hateful term - “unmanned” in order to humiliate you and bring an end to your bloodline. She is aware that these baseless accusations are being used to marshal support for an extremely ill-advised and utterly senseless war.

Lucilla is upset, to say the least. She is not yet devastated, however, because she is not yet aware that her own father has taken a direct and deliberate role in the circulation of this filth, nor is she aware that he means to join his peers in making war against the peaceful nation that has given his daughter a loving home.

It is my duty, Lord Baron, to inform you that Our Illustrious Queen’s intelligence network has rendered Her quite acutely aware of your despicable calumny, and of your renewed alliance with Baron Terwyck-Merrow. It is beyond the purview of my duty, but nevertheless my principled decision as an honest woman, to notify you that Her tentative magnanimity toward you has given way to a fury so cold and terrible that all who approach Her are struck silent by Her gaze. She has recused Herself to Her chambers to find calm in the arms of Her lovers. It is quite likely that She will gently inform Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby of your betrayal during this period, and that She will subsequently wish to spend some time offering comfort to Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby, in turn.

The last time you hurt Luci like this, I correctly anticipated that Our Illustrious Queen would dispatch both correspondence and consequence the moment She concluded Her furlough. This time, I strongly suspect that any further correspondence from Her will be the final word, in every sense imaginable, on this and all other matters. I have known Our Illustrious Queen since the auspicious hour of Her birth, and I recognized the death in Her eyes even before I heard Her muttering about amputation.

I did warn you not to anger Her.

It is a genuine and horrible shame that we have come to this, Lord Baron. For a time, you were so lovely to Lucilla. I cannot find the words to describe how her eyes shone when she read your letters! It warmed my heart to see, and I foolishly allowed myself to believe, as your daughter did, that you might have been sincere. I greatly anticipated greeting you - and your wife, and any children the two of you produced - when Our Illustrious Queen made good on Her promise of clemency and invited you to visit Her court as honored guests. I had hoped to befriend you, and to offer my insights as a mother, the better to assist you in building a properly loving relationship with the extraordinarily sweet and brilliant daughter that you have somehow, against all odds, managed to raise.

And yet, Lord Baron, here we are.

You may be Lucilla’s only kin, but you are not her only family. While her grief at your betrayal will be agonizing, I am confident that she will move past it quite ably. Our Illustrious Queen - and Ruth, of course - will persist in showing Luci the difference between genuine love and the poisonous manipulation of which her now-doomed father was apparently so fond.

Have no fear, Lord Baron, for you have, despite your best efforts, succeeded in your duty as a parent. Lucilla will be exceedingly happy here; in the fullness of time, your hateful caprice will become nothing more than a bittersweet pang in her memory.

As for me: in the relatively likely event that I am instructed to write your epitaph, I can assure you that it will not be at all flattering.

Goodbye,

Grand Scribe Marielle Soviin, from the sovereign court of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana IV

Ho there, good Baron! Coming around, are we? Now, now - best you don’t struggle, friend. Smarter to save your strength, yeah? Stay calm, take stock of your surroundings, gather your wits, talk things out like a civilized gentleman? There’s a good man. You’re bound quite securely, see? And that sedative I poked you with is no joke, either. Ha ha hee hee.

Got a missive for you, straight from the royal hand - or mouth, I s’pose, She might’ve dictated - of Our Illustrious Queen, Aariala Alvaana the Fourth, Descendant of the First Elves, Protector and Occasional Feminizer of the Queendom’s Peoples, may Her reign be wondrously horny and feature many lovely women with sensitive little cocks, and so on and suchforth poetry. You’ve probably read this bit a hundred times already, yeah? I love my Marielle, I do - popped three kids out for her, didn't I? - but bleedin’ gods above, she does wax on about Aari’s magnificence and majesty and what-have-you. She's hopelessly fucking smitten with that Queen of ours, not that she’d ever admit it to anyone who wasn't tugging her off at the time.

You ever give a woman a tugging off, Baron? No, s’pose not. More’s the pity. It's fucking lovely. You can help yourself to a mouthful of tit while you're at it. Downright soothing, that is.

Now, just between you and me, I’ve negotiated a special reward for this job. My Mari will be thrilled to bits when I take her to the Queen’s bedchambers for her birthday. S’pose I might feel a bit odd about it if the Queen’s girls happen to be there - barely older then twenty, fuck me, you humans grow up fast - but I’ve done fouler things with a smile, ha ha hee hee. Wager I'll be able to tease all sorts of filthy confessions out of that wife of mine, soon as she feels Aariala’s royal tongue grace her -

Ah! I saw a spark of recognition, there! Finished finding your way back to the waking world, have you, milord Baron? Worked out just how badly you've fucked up? Give us a nod, there’s a good man, I’ll not be removing the gag just yet. Lovely! I'd hate to have to repeat myself. I’m a very particular sort of messenger, see? Our Illustrious Queen employs me to, ah, deliver the last word. Ha ha hee hee.

Right, then! Here goes. Ahem.

“To The Right Honourable Gilbert Colby, The Last Baron of Norrickshire,”

“I gave you every opportunity to prosper in peace. I forgave insult beyond measure. I staid my hand in the face of your arrogance and your cruelty. I even, despite the severity of your crimes, lowered myself to purchasing your kindness like a common merchant, solely to see your daughter's beautiful smile.” Aw, She’s such a softie, isn’t She? It’s true, though - Luci’s got such a pretty smile.

“Now she dwells in misery once more, and once more, you are the man responsible. I have never seen my Lucilla so crushed. You have failed to maintain her happiness, Gilbert. Per the terms of our arrangement, this means that you are no longer entitled to my mercy.”

“By the time this letter is read to you, several of your fellow warmongers will have already met their allotted fates. The Terwyck-Merrow line now persists only in my lover Ruth -”

Ah! My doing, that. Just this morning, in fact. The late Baron Terwyck-Merrow was an easy kill, I'm sorry to say - he had a bit of a thing for elves, I think. I slipped in dressed as a maid, batted my lashes at him while I was bent over to dust something or other, and had him alone just as quick as you please. A jab with a sedative needle to still the lad, a few drips of poison ‘twixt the lips, a quick climb out the window, a leisurely stroll through the gap in the guard patrol and hey ho, what do you know, I'm off to the Colby estate with no one the wiser that their Baron’s just kicked the bucket. A flaw of the heart, the doctors will say. Stroke of bad luck. Gods rest him. Could happen to any of us.

Ha ha hee hee.

Where was I? Ah, yeah.

“- now exists only in my lover Ruth, who stands to inherit all of her family's property if she is so inclined. Lucilla, however, would much prefer to disclaim the Colby estate and leave her stepmother in line to inherit, even though they have never met. This is very sweet of her, and quite convenient for me, considering that I have been cultivating your wife’s loyalty since well before your courtship began. The poor woman’s parents left her little more than debt when they passed, and so she was happy to welcome my discreet assistance in rebuilding her family’s once-modest fortunes. She will be happier still once she becomes the de facto head of your family as well, with control over the whole of the Colby alchemy business. A good Queen rewards her allies generously.”

“You have gravely abused your power in every respect, and so it pleases me to render you altogether powerless. By now, you are most likely feeling the first effects of the degenerative toxin -”

Mmm. Yeah, ‘fraid so. Stuck you with it to wake you from your little nap. Wicked ends for wicked men, hey? Aw, don't look so glum! Believe it or not, it doesn't actually hurt all that much. You'll find things sort of... peaceful, actually, once that nasty stuff’s done its work. No foamin’ at the mouth and rolling back of eyes, no turning purple and convulsing and expiring. Just a nice, simple life - like the one you might’ve had as a doddering old grandpa, if only you’d been kinder to our Luci. Ha ha hee hee. Ahem. Let’s see... first effects of the degenerative toxin...

“- with which you have been dosed. You are trembling, Gilbert, because the toxin is withering your nerves. Your control over your body will soon begin to suffer. As the tremors intensify, you will find it difficult to grasp objects, and then you will lose the power to safely walk unassisted. Out of kindness for your wife and your servants, I have instructed my agent -” that’s me! “- to be judicious in her measurements, so as not to render you paralyzed or incontinent.”

“More significant, however, are the symptoms that you will experience as the toxin begins to afflict your brain. It is likely that you already feel forgetful and confused. This will worsen steadily, robbing you of your remaining wits, until you are rendered completely unable to manage your own affairs. Your estate and your businesses will prosper, Gilbert, but you, yourself, will understand little of such matters.”

“I cannot find it in me to have you killed, for to part ways with you now would shatter my beloved Lucilla’s heart. Instead, it shall gradually become clear that your recent cruelty and warlike demeanor were never your fault to begin with - you were merely experiencing attacks of confusion and paranoia as the dementia began to set in. A sorry plight, yes, but not an altogether tragic one. Your loyal wife will ensure that you are very kindly taken care of, your loving daughter will visit to fuss over you, and you will blink calmly through all of it, puzzled but appreciative. This is your punishment, and my gift to the daughter you so mistreated. I shall render you harmless, and I shall give Luci the gentle and agreeable father that she has always wanted. A bloodless victory over a bloodthirsty brute.”

“Enjoy your retirement, Gilbert.”

And, er, She’s got Her name writ down here too, but I don’t need to read that bit out. We both know who the bleedin’ letter’s from, and besides, you’ll be forgetting anything I tell you soon enough! Truth be told, Gil - can I call you Gil? I’m just gonna forge ahead and call you Gil. It won’t be too long before you don’t give a shit either way, and I’m feeling a bit poetically waxy, like my Marielle sometimes gets.

Truth be told, Gil, this is actually just about the nicest thing I’ve ever done to a stuck-up arsehole like you. It’s fascinatin’ stuff, really, a proper delight of an assignment. See, a quiet, discreet poisoning’s easy - I’m so bleedin’ good at it I sometimes don’t even have to be there for it anymore, ‘specially if I’ve got a poor, battered, dad-hating lass like Ruth Terwyck-Merrow chafing to do the deed herself before she’s spirited away to be royally kissed and coddled and lavished with all manner of feminizin’ substances. And if Her Skirt-Chasing Majesty prefers me to send a “to whom it may concern” sort of message instead, well, an insultingly obvious poisoning’s easy to manage, too. Everything’s bleedin’ easy when you’ve been at it almost half a century. Gets a bit samey, after a while. But not this job. This one’s a real treat.

If I may be completely fuckin’ honest, Gil, I’m so used to killing people off with nary a whimper that it’s actually sort of a pleasure to get to do something creatively vicious like this! As far as final messages go, this one’s downright fuckin’ eloquent. Like the finest bleedin’ poetry, this. Scour all the cruelty out of the man, but keep him around as a sort of harmless, feebleminded, father-shaped keepsake so his daughter can work through her daddy issues in peace without getting hurt any more. “Retirement,” She calls it! Ha ha hee hee! Fuck, that’s brilliant! Brings a tear to my eye.

S’pose that’s why I just deliver the messages, and Our Illustrious Queen is the one who writes ‘em. It’s a wonder She manages to write anything at all, what with all the time She spends making Her girlfriends pretty and then sitting on their faces, but-

Hm. You know, speaking of Lucilla, she’s got your eyes, Gil. Thank all the gods she hasn’t got your heart, ha ha hee hee. Frightfully bleedin’ clever, that girl, but she’s still perfectly lovely to everyone she ever meets. Hard to believe you had any hand in bringing her up. Your wife - the first one, I mean, gods rest her - must have been an absolute fucking wonder of a woman. Shame she wasted her life being married to you, of all people. Silver linings, though; I expect your second wife will find you quite agreeable, now you’ve had your medicine! ‘Specially since you won’t remember nor care if she and Adelia Bartlett-Mettonfast enjoy a bit of girly fun now and then. Ha ha hee hee.

Oh, dear... you look a bit lost there, friend. Proper glassy-eyed. You feeling all right? Here, let me loose those bindings - quite a feat, getting yourself all tangled up like that. You wouldn’t happen to remember a girl named Ruth, would you? No? How about Lucilla?

Not sure, eh? Rings a bell, but you can't quite recall why?

Eh, that’s all right. You’ll meet her sooner or later. She’s a sweetheart, that one. You'll like her.

Gods above, sir, you're shaking! What in the world happened to you? Have you had a fall? No, I’m afraid I don’t know, either! You poor fellow. Now, I’m frightfully busy - got decrees to deliver, and a wife to wank - but I passed by some gentlemen searching for a “Baron Colby” a short while ago. That wouldn’t happen to - ah! That’s you, is it? Right, just - oh, careful! Bit unsteady, eh? Here, come along with me... right, lean your weight on me, there’s a good man... now, I'll just walk with you until we reach the road, and I expect your friends will find you straight away while I'm off delivering the mail. Chin up, mister Baron, sir. You’ve had a tumble and a bump on the head, I expect. A bit of rest at home, and you’ll be right as rain in no time!

Ah, no need to thank me, your lordliness. I’m only doing my duty.

Ha ha hee hee.

Mother,

Thank you for the pressed flowers! It was dreadfully sweet of you to go to all that effort, and doubly so that you thought to include some for Ruth and Aari as well. Please pass my most earnest thanks to Adelia and the servants for helping you with it. Aariala seemed particularly enchanted by the gesture - you should have seen how she lit up! Ruth thinks that she was mostly just pleased to see me smile, but I don't think that's the whole truth of it. I think Aari is sincerely touched that you sent us a pretty little piece of Norrickshire, made with your own hands. A Queen can have most anything, mum, and receives ostentatious gifts from all manner of important people. Meaningful keepsakes like yours must feel priceless to a woman who is offered a seemingly infinite number of meaningless things.

I seized the opportunity to ask about inviting you for a visit, and Aari encouraged it rather enthusiastically. She says it's more than all right if Adelia comes along - you've mentioned her curiosity about the Queendom before - and father is of course welcome too, if you think he can manage the travel. Don't fret if he has to stay home! I shall visit him again soon enough. I believe I've perfected a tonic to calm his tremors, though sadly, I know of no way to restore his mind. I do not think that he is suffering terribly on that front, at least. He always seems very placid and content. I am glad that he is comfortable; he deserves some peace, after all his hard work.

You mustn’t be anxious about your relationship with Adelia during your visit, mother. Things are quite different here in the Queendom! No one thinks it odd that I am sharing a bed with Ruth and Aariala, for one! Also, based on the glow of dreamy infatuation about her, I am reasonably sure that Marielle has begun seeing someone new, even though she and Jerys are still happily together (I cannot believe I didn't realize they were married! How horribly embarrassing). I promise that you and Addie will not need to pretend while you're staying at the royal court!

Honestly, mum, I think it's wonderful that you two found one another. I know some would frown on it, with father still being alive, but he’s really in no state to care. At any rate, those mean-hearted gossips would probably die of shock if they saw how freely people love in the Queendom. You should come and visit, so that you and Adelia can love freely for a while, too.

Be sure to bring dance shoes. The ballroom here is magnificent.

Ruth is very keen to meet you in person. She's positively fraught with nerves over making a good first impression, the poor girl. Not that I doubt her ability to succeed, but please, do be nice, mum! I love that woman with all my heart, and she's been through more than enough, between escaping her horrible family and then her terror over the possibility of war. Gods, it's such a relief that all that posturing amounted to nothing.

Aariala has gifted Ruth and I matching chokers, which was very kind of her - they're quite beautiful, and I think it is lovely that Ruth and I can coordinate with matching accessories. Aari has been asking many questions about our taste in jewelry, which is exciting. I think I might like to own more pretty things of that nature. Ruth has been teasing me terribly by murmuring that Aari will want our ring sizes soon, so that she can properly lay claim to us in the tradition of our homeland! And when I mentioned this teasing to Marielle during tea, she, instead of commiserating as I expected, simply replied that Aari will likely begin with earrings, bracelets and necklaces, as our ring sizes may still change!

It seems ridiculous to think that our fingers could actually become more slender, but I am very interested to see whether that proves true! The transformative tinctures are more effective than I had dared to hope - they have done extraordinary things for my figure, and have even noticeably altered my face. I confess, the first time I had my hair and make-up done and looked in the mirror to see a beautiful woman looking back at me, I burst into tears. I felt absolutely terrible, ruining all of the gorgeous work that the maids had just finished, but they were perfectly sweet about it (and got my make-up tidy again in no time, once my blubbering subsided). Apparently tearful experiences like that one are not uncommon among girls like me, and many of us recall them as happy memories. Perhaps I shall do the same, some day.

In fact, on the subject of rings, perhaps you and Adelia can make some happy memories here, too. The Queendom has its own, more flexible traditions regarding marriage, and its Illustrious Queen can, at her discretion, oversee the establishment of such bonds. If there is ever any interest in such, I could easily persuade my Aari to officiate a discreet little ceremony for you and Addie. I know it wouldn't be approved of back home - you'd have to keep it a secret from those awful peers of ours - but it would still be acknowledged here in the Queendom, and you could even have rings made, if you like.

There is no pressure upon you to decide, of course! I am simply extending a standing offer, because I get the impression that you two are terribly sweet on one another, and I think it only right that you should have the option to formally declare that affection. So, now you have it. You need only say the word, and your daughter will make the necessary arrangements.

I cannot work out any way to gracefully move on to the next topic, so I suppose I’ll simply do it awkwardly, instead. One day I shall get the hang of this letter-writing business, I swear.

I have enclosed a variety of interesting recipes and designs for your perusal, as well as some seeds. You will wish to plant these outdoors, a very healthy distance from any roads or buildings, in a location with rich, deep soil and loads of room for roots and branches to stretch out. I spoke with father about this particular experiment ages ago, and I am very proud to have, at last, produced brilliant results.

Love you mum,

Grand Potioneer Lucilla Colby