Chapter Text
How did I let things come to this?
How did something sweet and fun turn into this poison, rotting me away from the inside out?
I’ve become a canvas of his affections, a love turned into hate. The sort of canvas that you hide beneath a sheet to cover up its flaws.
Every time I go to work, the thought is always in the back of my mind even though I try to hide it. Can they see how I’m damaged? Do they know that I’m broken goods?
Would the white haired man that visits the store every day still try to flirt with me if he knew what I was?
I didn’t want anyone to know how he had hurt me. I couldn’t let anyone know how he violated me. So I pretended. I hid. I avoided suspicion.
My best friend Mitsuki I tried to avoid more than anyone, fearing that she would see all my pain written clearly across my face.
Today was a day that I couldn’t avoid her, not completely. She called right when the store closed, when she knew that I would have time to talk.
I leaned my broom against the wall and picked up my phone, “Hi Mitsuki.”
A sharp intake of breath from the other side of the line was my only warning before she practically screeched into the phone, “Inko, hi! Oh my gosh, you have to sit down. You’ll never believe this!”
“Okay…” Confused, I walked to the back where I kept my stool. Before I could sit down, her voice came through the phone again, not as loud but just as excited, “Are you sitting yet? I just can’t wait to tell you my news!”
“Okay, okay, Give me a second, Mitsuki.” Despite my earlier fears, her voice filled me with warmth as I sat down, smiling at her antics. “Okay, I’m sitting. What is it that you wanted to tell me?”
This time I was given no warning before she practically screamed into the phone, making my ears ring, “I’M PREGNANT!!! Masaru wanted to wait until the first trimester passed to tell anyone but I just couldn’t wait to tell you! Not even his cute puppy eyes could stop me from telling my best friend!”
For a long moment I just sat there in disbelief before finally, after working my jaw a couple times to make sound come out, “That’s… That’s awesome, Mitsuki. That’s… really exciting. When… when will you find out the gender?”
I wrapped my arms around myself, curling up into a protective ball as she explained everything that they had planned for the stages of her pregnancy. I felt almost sick hearing how happy she was and how confident she sounded about growing her family when all I had was him. A maze of horrors from which I couldn’t seem to find the exit.
After what felt like an eternity and a lifetime of TMI, Mitsuki finally ended that line of topic, “But anyways, enough about me. How are you doing? And how are things going with him?”
She said the word as if referring to something unspeakably disgusting, refusing to even say his name.
I winced and put on a happier, more cheerful tone, “Kohei is treating me well, thanks for asking. And the shop is getting good business, so I’d say things are going pretty good for me right now.”
“Hmmph. I don’t trust that man as far as I can throw him.” She sighed and I heard a rustle on the other end, “Alright, well you better take care of yourself now. I miss you, Inko.”
I smiled painfully, hugging myself tight, “You too, Mitsuki. I miss you too.”
There was a click as the call disconnected, leaving me in the silence of despair and loneliness. I wanted to be happy for her, I really did, but I couldn’t help feeling so jealous. Why did I have to be stuck with that monster when she got to have the gentlest, kindest husband?
The following days flew by in a blur of trying to make myself small and unnoticeable when my boyfriend was home. My only bright spot was working the front of the store and seeing my white haired regular come in.
Every day, Hisashi would come in and ask me the most obvious questions about everything. Like, who was the man fooling? Everyone knew these things, he just wanted an excuse to talk to me.
But honestly? I liked that he asked me questions, even if they were stupid, because he would actually listen to me. It seemed like he actually cared about what I had to say. Even if it was just explaining the difference between potassium and protein.
Every time he asked to meet outside of the store on the other hand… anyways made my stomach churn with fear and guilt. I couldn’t just betray Kohei and I was terrified of him finding out.
So I always made an excuse not to. But I never dissuaded him and that filled me with shame.
I always thought that Kohei would see the shame on my skin. But he never did.
All he ever saw were my faults, reasons to paint me black and blue. Or he used me roughly as an object for his own wants.
Like he did that night, almost a month after Mitsuki had called.
That night he had left me painted in a motley of horrible colors, used, beaten, and sobbing softly into my pillow.
Before he left, he yanked my hair and gave me what I would find out later was his last farewell, “At least you were good for one thing, you pathetic wretch.”
Then I was alone.
The next morning I woke up achy and did my normal routine of covering up any evidence on my face and neck with makeup. It was a normal morning for me. I felt like something was off while I walked through the apartment but disregarded it quickly. It would only hurt me if I questioned things.
But when I set up the store and double checked everything, all the cash in the register was gone. That wasn’t normal, I had just counted it all up last night. I dug through my purse, my wallet was empty too. My cards were still there at least but all of the cash I owned was gone. Did… did he really steal from me? On top of everything else he’s done to me?
I really am a fool.
I couldn’t open the store. Not when I had broken down crying in the employee’s restroom, ruining my makeup and causing me to already be over an hour late.
I hadn’t cried like this since the first time he hit me. How pathetic was I? Crying over the monster that hurt me daily when he finally abandoned me.
When I finally pulled myself together, I was an absolute mess, and so was the bathroom. I was never a pretty crier, but the tears always came like a flood.
I felt so stupid. So used. But I had to keep moving.
I threw myself into cleaning the bathroom and then cleaning the already clean store. It was either keep moving or shatter completely.
At some point, later in the day, there was a knock on the door. I tried pointing at the closed sign but… Hisahi wasn’t good at catching social cues, and here he was at the front door of my store. Smiling as if he wasn’t intruding on the worst day of my life.
I walked over with a defeated huff and opened the door, “We’re closed today. I’m sorry. Just… come back tomorrow.”
He placed his hand on the door, preventing me from closing it, “I’m not here to buy anything, Inko. I’m here to see you.”
I shook my head, still blocking the door, “I’m not up for visitors today. Please come back tomorrow.”
He reached up and brushed some of my hair away from my neck, “Is it about those bruises that you’ve been trying to hide?”
“I-” I jerked back, the ghost of his touch burning my skin. “It’s nothing. Just an accident.”
He opened the door wider and covered my hand on the frame with his own, “I don’t think it is. Do you mind talking about it? For me?”
I sighed, slumping in defeat as I moved out of the way. “I’ll get you a chair. Don’t steal anything, I guess.”
He followed me inside, stopping by the counter as I went to the back to grab two chairs. He gestured for me to sit first before lounging on the chair like he owned the place. Despite his demeanor, his question for me was soft, like it always was. “Who hurt you? And why did you have to keep the store closed today?”
I took a deep breath, fidgeting with my hands. How could I tell anyone about what had happened to me? What had been going on for years? But this was Hisashi, the man who always listened to me. Who always asked me questions. Who always treated me with respect and gentleness.
And the words started flowing out of me. Not everything. Not the worst of it. But it felt good to finally tell someone about the hurt and pain I’d suffered.
“My boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend after what happened this morning, Kohei Horikoshi…”