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itchy fabric meant to look appealing and messily slicked back hair was not what Atari considered a pleasant evening. but here he was regardless.
he stood in front of the mirror, a desk lamp next to it giving him some dim illumination to see himself in the otherwise dark environment. the room he shared with crow most definitely needed a cleaning, atleast in atari's opinion--the clutter was beginning to overwhelm him again, and its what he most often zoned out on, on nights like these.
the sound of shuffling and a quiet, murmured curse somewhere behind him brought him out of his fog, turning his attention to crow, who was fumbling with his tie. Atari rolled his eyes before shifting over to help him with it.
the room remained quiet for a second as Atari found much more success in the black tie than crow had. he could feel crow's eyeless gaze on him, on his hands, deftly securing the fabric. it was a nice calm. one where all eyes on him didn't burn, sear into his skin and leave invisible bruises that would haunt him for days.
no, it didn't burn, it never did with crow. with crow, it was... peace. a subtle one, yes, but something Atari could rarely recognize nonetheless. and it was a thing he had come to love.
he again was returned to reality at the noise of crow sucking in a breath. Atari perked a brow, his dark eye traveling up to see what had caused such a thing. seeing Atari's reaction, however, crow only just chuckled quietly.
Atari furrowed his brows, harder this time. "what's so damn funny?" he muttered, hands absentmindly floating to correct crow's harness. a hint of affection in his shaky hands as he did so, if Atari could ever show one.
crow just shook his head, smiling softly at Atari in the same damn way he always did. the same way that made Atari forget about the harshness of war and famine that raged outside the walls of their sanctuary. the same smile that could drag Atari back out of any darkness like a lifeline, even if crow didn't realize it. even if crow never would realize it.
"ah, its nothing.. you just.." crow paused, pursing his lips momentarily in thought, in an attempt to tiptoe around anything too 'romantic' that he knew would scare Atari away like a stray cat.
after a moments pause, he opened his mouth again. "you look even better than i ever dreamed of, 'tari."
Atari, who's gaze had still been firmly locked onto where crow's eyes should've been, hands lightly grasping at the fabric of crow's shirt in which he had been smoothing out, nearly froze.
"you dream about me?" was all he managed to get out a moment later, cocking his head to the side slightly.
crow couldve melted in that moment. the sight of Atari, soft, tranquil at last, looking up at him, left no room to question the fact that Atari had never thought well enough of himself to believe he could ever grace anyones dreams. especially not crows.
the way crow could practically see the gears turning in his head just made his heart get all fuzzy. it made him want to see more of this side of Atari. the side capable of being gentle, capable of sheathing his claws and finally finding quiet peace in the safety of crows arms. crow was well aware it was a rare sight--and he would rather die than let it slip away from him.
so he just smiled again, lowering his head closer to atari's. "i do," he said to him quietly, as soft as he could muster without blatantly whispering. he shifted a bit closer to press his lips to atari's forehead. and in that moment, he could make out the hazy recognition in atari's eyes. the recognition of safety, even after atari's mind drove him to stray away from vulnerability.
it may not come again. it may be a product of the times of diplomacy, a front of pleasant cordiality. but crow would cherish it nonetheless--the quiet, the washed out version of love that was all Atari had to offer. he would love Atari even if he could never quite love crow back.