Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Episode 1 – Meet the Rejects

“The multiverse…

Many a game show has been hosted with such a beautiful backdrop, starring heroes and villains from every conceivable piece of media fiction and non-fiction. They flocked to the McCleans of the multiverse, signing his contracts and experiencing love, betrayal, victory and defeat, sometimes rivalling even the trials and tribulations that they had experienced in their own universes and stories.

I have watched countless interdimensional shows, yearning for the day in which I would host one of my own. I secured my own camp-ground location, putting out feelers, pamphlets and adverts to attract the brightest, the boldest and the smartest heroes, villains, sidekicks and thugs across the multiverse to compete in my very own season of Interdimensional Total Drama!

...and nobody showed up!”

A hazy silhouette appears on screen. The silhouette fluctuates and pulses with overwhelming power, as if knowing the true form of the being that the amateur approximation of a human shape hid behind was impossible due to the incomprehensibility of what it was. Infants would surely burst into tears, devout monks would surely fervently pray and wild animals would surely cower in fear and run away if any of them ever beheld the unknown form this all-seeing creature has conjured as a facsimile. In the current moment, however, the impact of the eldritch creature is lessened by the fact that it is currently burying its face in between its fake hands, the echo of its exasperation leading to the implosion of a neutron star several millions of light years away.

“Not a single hero!” the being laments on screen. “Nobody that audiences actually truly care about answered the call. I mean, sure, I have one or two characters beloved by fans, but I want protagonists for crying out loud! I want uncomplicated fan favorites! And what I get instead are the...the dregs of fiction! Laughing stocks even within the canon of their own stories. Nobody’s gonna care when any one of these guys gets eliminated!”

Its body stares down for a second and then, after a beat, begins to laugh cruelly. “Well...If nobody cares then I guess I can do whatever I want with these characters. Really put them through the wringer. McClean would wish he could torture contestants as well as I can! I’ll squeeze as much catharsis from their bodies as I possibly can and then...well, we’ll see.”

The facsimile of a humanoid figure wavers like asphalt on a hot day for a second before staring up at the camera. “There’s no camera, author.” It acknowledges, making me slightly worried. “Now now, I know you wanted a fresh start, a game with less meta elements and more pure Total Drama fun. And you’ll be getting that, don’t you worry. Still, address me by my proper pronouns and I’ll stop talking to you. I’m a character, a Total Drama host now. No more of this It business.”

They stare into the in-universe camera and smile, satisfied. “Okay then. The audience is already reading...I mean watching,” Somewhere in the universe a massive all-seeing eye winks, “Correct? In that case, let’s start the show. Please, audience, disregard the man behind the curtain and instead focus your attention on me, your magnificent all-seeing host!”

The being paces across the recognizable dock, more of their surroundings getting clearer and clearer as the familiar sight of Camp Wawanakwa came into focus. “I am known as the Watcher, as in that is the name I have given myself that is comprehensible enough for you mortals and lesser immortals to understand. I see everything. I know...well I guess I know what I see, which is everything, so that’s self-explanatory. My favourite watching pastime as of late has been consuming all of these wacky and hilarious interdimensional Total Drama shows starring characters from various fictional universes and such. Well, they are fictional for you, the current viewer of this broadcast, however for one such as I who sees all, they are as real as you are.

But I digress. I’ve been enjoying the drama, the tension, the romance, the stakes, etcetera etcetera, that comes from such a delicious romp through interdimensional conflict and thought to myself...how hard could it be for me, the all-seeing entity who knows all that they see, to do the same?”

Their body flickers for a second as in reaches the end of the dock and it seems to frown. The place where a face should be doesn’t move or change, but all those watching get a feeling that they are frowning. “Granted, I underestimated the power that the McCleans seem to hold over the multiverse when it came to recruitment. I am a one-higher-being team over here, I have to juggle all of this by myself. Especially since several dozen instances of Chef across multiple parallel timelines have repeatedly left me on voicemail.”

They straighten themselves and hold out a -hand? -appendage?...Hold out their hand to the side of the dock next to them as the air starts flickering and fizzling with quantum power.

“Despite all of that, I have managed to obtain twenty-two willing contestants from various forms of fiction that...some of you at home may recognize and even one or two that you actually like.” They finish lamely.

After making a multi-layered sound of agony and torment by clearing their throat, they continue. “Ladies, gentlemen, audience members outside the gender binary and transcendent beings that may be watching this, I am honored to declare that Total Drama: Nobodies of the Multiverse has officially begun with the arrival of our contestants!”

They gesture towards the air as it coalesces into a trans-dimensional gateway, a brilliant shining portal between dimensions.

“First up, possibly the most popular contestant we will be having during our show, which isn’t a very high bar persay, consistently appearing at the top of lists such as best tertiary antagonist and fictional characters middle-aged men are consistently very weird about on 4chan...yes those lists are real, I’ve seen them...give it up for someone who is currently psyching herself up on the other side of the portal and preparing way too many smoke bombs.”

After a beat, our host’s featureless face turns towards the camera.

“No really, I can see her doing that. You’re going to have to get used to me being all-seeing this sho-”

Pschtt! Ssssssss…

Smoke starts billowing out of the portal as a diminutive shadow moves out of the portal from inside the smoke. The reason for her small size becomes clear as the smoke starts to clear. She isn’t short: she walks on four legs. A starry wizard hat and cape is all that can be made out as she is cloaked in shadow.

“Behold, fillies and gentlecolts of the multiverse!” A bombastic, slightly nasally voice boomed out from within the smoke. The figure pauses for a second to awkwardly smack her cape with a hoof, making it billow slightly in the wind. “Prepare to be amazed, confounded and flabbergasted as the future winner of this game show has appeared! (Co)vanquisher of the dreaded Ursa Minor, (former) master of the Alicorn Amulet and the most powerful travelling mage in all of Equestria, prostrate yourselves in awe in front of the Grrrreat and Powerful Trrrrrixie!!”

With another billow of her cape the smoke clears and the owner of the confident voice is finally revealed: a blue pony with a silver mane ending in a singular curl in front of her face. Her purple magician’s hat and cloak are covered in a silver star pattern as her cape finally settles down, albeit not without the dissipating of a faint pink aura she had been using in order to ensure her cape billowed dramatically enough. Her chest is puffed out and her eyes are smugly closed as she finishes her entrance. After a few seconds of not hearing any applause, she opens a single eye to look at the dock and sees the Watcher’s form silently staring at her.

“H-hey!” She sputters indignantly. “Where are the other contestants? Trixie’s captive audience, her adoring fans-to-be?”

“Well, Trixie.” The Watcher answers. “You’re the first to arrive so...I guess you could say you wasted that entrance on nobody.”

The magician bawks and, trying to recover her dignity, raises her nose into the air and huffs.

“Well, the audience sure saw it”, she replies haughtily. “Trixie’s first impressions are never without merit.”

“Riiight…” The Watcher rolls their eyes, or at least cause two distant galaxies to crash into each-other, but that’s the same thing for them. “I’ll just open up the other portals now so that everyone else can get here.”

“Y-you could have done that??” Trixie stomps her hoof indignantly. “Then why did you make Trixie go first?”

The Watcher simply shrugs their form. Indifference came surprisingly easy to them. “I saw you had something prepared and wanted to ruin that. And speaking of ruining, let’s see who else’s lives I’ll be ruining over the next so-and-so episodes!”

The portal blinks and immediately a small creature pops out, moving around so fast that it bounces around the dock like a white and blue ice hockey puck, accentuating every new bounce with a high-pitched “hOI!!!1!”

Trixie and the Watcher both follow the blur with their gazes, Trixie dumbfounded and the Watcher nonplussed. After about 23 bounces and the equivalent number of hOIs, the Watcher sticks out a hand and catches the blur much like a baseball player would catch a ball.

The Watcher puts the small creature down on the deck with a light plonk and announced: “Our next contestant is a member of a small subspecies of monsters hailing from deep underground. They have a total of two names among the population and, sadly, this one here has the more common of the two. A shopkeep with a yearning for higher education and so much energy that my comprehensible form needs time to regenerate-” They hold up the hand that caught the creature to show it smoking slightly, any finger their shape used to have now reduced to dust. “Give it up for the one among many of her kind…”

A loud repeating tapping sound, like the sound of a barrel clipping through the floor in a video game, is heard coming from the small creature at the Watcher’s feet as she vibrates incessantly. “HOI!! i’m tEMMIE!”, she said in a high-pitched and peppy voice. On all fours she is barely two feet tall, covered in white fur and wearing her hair in a messy white bob. Two cat ears pokes out of the top of her head as well as two floppy dog ears on the sides. She doesn’t have any pants, most likely due to her wagging fluffy tail, but does have a cozy-looking wool sweater with baby blue and yellow stripes.

Trixie can only stare down at the creature as it joins her behind the Watcher, her vibrations carrying her an extra foot to the left without effort, sending shockwaves through the flimsy pier. “Um...Trixie hopes that we get along?” She peers over at the Watcher for help, but no guidance or sympathy is to be found in their expressionless visage.

“yayA yayA yAY!!!”

The portal flashes again and a man stumbles out, appearing to be around his thirties with a messy tangle of brown hair and mismatched patches of scruff that one could generously call a short beard on his face. Seemingly in a panicked hurry, he trips over the hem of his lab coat. A slimy black tentacle, dripping black goo onto the planks of the dock, emerges from the portal and wraps around his ankle, threatening to pull him back in.

“Ahhh shit shit shit!”, he yells, kicking the tentacle repeatedly. “Fuck off, I’m taking my PTO to be on a game show! I don’t have time to deal with a breach!”

After several hits, the tentacle pulls back and recedes into the portal, leaving a smily trail smelling vaguely of gasoline and fish. The newcomer picks himself off the ground and dusts off the wool green sweater he keeps under his labcoat before looking up at the three other entities on the dock and frowning.

“I’m not gonna be the only human here aren’t I? Because I could just go back to work if I wanted to deal with monsters all day.”, he asked in a deadpan, getting an offended scoff from Trixie.

“Other humans are on their way, doctor.” The Watcher answered, looking back to the camera. “Here we have one of the enigmatic doctors of the secretive SCP Foundation. I know that they have me catalogued in one of their universes. Their goal is to secure and contain anomalous entities in order to protect the world from threats out of this world.”

“Yep, I’m sure any audience of a show like this already knows about that so it’s probably okay to talk about!” The scientist raises a hand to his neck awkwardly. “Anyways, I’m taking a quick break from all of the corporate bullshit that’s been going on back at the office, saw a flyer for this game show and wanted to see what it was all about. I’ve always liked reality shows so it seemed like fun.” He looks over to his two fellow contestants. “My name is Dr. █████ ████. I hope we can get along despite you two being a small horse and a...thing?”

“hOI!!! mISTa DoKTA █████ ████ siR” Temmie yells up at him, stretching out a long thin white paw for a handshake. Trixie looks at her and back at █████ incredulously.

“How in Equestria did you two even make those sounds??”

“It’s my name.” █████ shrugs as he gingerly shakes Temmie’s hand. “Of course I should be able to say it.”

“I...b-but-”

The portal flickers again and a set of disembodied clothes floats out of it and onto the docks. The clothing possesses a clearly feminine gait as it walks through the portal, almost skipping up to the host and the rest of the competitors. The outfit consists of a plain white t-shirt with a pink cherry blossom design, a black knee-length skirt, high socks and sneakers. To one side of the clothing floats a dark blue gym bag, held up by a strap resting on the shoulder of the t-shirt.

The clothing stops in front of the group and shifts, seemingly looking around.

“Oooo…” a high-pitched excited voice coming from the clothing says, “This is Canada right? I’ve never been before, oh oh look at all the tall trees!” One of the arms of the t-shirt points over to the shoreline of lake Huron.

“Yes,” the Watcher says back. “You are on a Canadian game show that just has some multiversal crew and talent. Don’t worry about it.”, They raise a hand again to show off the new arrival to the camera. “As you all can see, you can’t see our newest contestant. She hails from a world where superpowers are commonplace. She decided to become a hero despite pulling the short straw in terms of heroic quirks. This hero gets naked be useful in a fight and is the tamer reason why I have elected to age up all of our contestants to be over 18, she is the Invisible Girl…”

“Tohru Hagakure!” the invisible girl inside the clothing raises her arms up in glee, before bringing them together in front of her to bow. “Please take good care of me during the show. I am here to have fun and make new friends!”

The portal flickers again and another creature flops forward. They have huge webbed feet, gangly arms and a wide mouth the protrudes forward from their face. Their eyes rest on top of their head on short stalks and their large ears flop low halfway down their back. His eyes focus on Tohru.

“Oooh! Meesa always ready to make new friends!”, he says in a high, loud voice as he stumbles forward. If Hagakure was off-put by his sudden appearance she didn’t show it as she grabs his hands and starts jumping up and down excitedly.

“Oh, an Alien! Ahhhh, this game is already so interesting! I’ve been trying to hold myself together over the cute unicorn over there-”, Tohru beams as the two continue to bounce around in glee and Trixie inches slightly away from the pair. “-but I’m already meeting so many interesting people! And who are you?”

“That,” The Watcher takes back the reigns of the introductions, barely shaken by the eclectic nature of his contestants. They had already resigned themselves to the game going off the rails as soon as casting was complete. “Is the scourge of Star Wars fans everywhere. But in his own universe, he is a gungan, a war hero, a veteran, a senator and an active hazard to anyone who happens to be standing next to him at the time. It’s not his fault, he is just supernaturally clumsy.”

“Meesa Jar Jar Binks!” the gungan smiles widely at everyone, fiercely shaking Tohru’s hand as he does. “Meesa want to win big big prize money and bring back to Gungan City to forgive meesa for all of meesa’s crimes!”

“Crimes?”, Tohru asks slightly warily.

“uWA! CrIMES NoT cYOOT!” Temmie frowns. Her eyebrows float 10 inches above her face and her little cat-like lip trembles in rage.

“Property damage. Meesa had one Arson charge, but it was related to the property damage.”

“Ah, Arson. Remind me of my days on the sea.”

Boots strike the ground as the portal had flickers again and a man emerges. A beautifully coiffed head of hair with an even more striking curled moustache can be seen above a mouth forming a self-assured, but not mean-spirited, smirk. The man is well built, with wide shoulder and decent calves, wearing white shirt with a window open to reveal his chest and an open blue jacket. He has a red bandana tie around his neck and high brown boots that tap against the dock as he dramatically poses.

“Hark, I do say!” He proclaims, “For I did not expect to find myself in the company of a fellow man of the sea.”

Jar Jar’s eyes grow wide. “Oh, yes yes, weesa Gungans swim very good. Weesa born in the ocean!”

The newcomer steps up and puts an arm around Jar Jar’s shoulder. “My good man, we were both molded in the shimmering waves of the rough and tumble waters we call...the sea!” He stretches an arm out towards lake Huron and breathes in. “You smell that? Men born in such a smell do not care for property damage. The smell of the open waters of freedom!”

“This is a lake. We are way to far in-land for you to smell the sea.” The Watcher deadpans, gesturing towards the sailor. “Behold our next contestant, a fearsome commander of the Princess fleet in their fight against the evil Horde and a man who has sunk more boats than he has brought into harbor-”

“That fact is only true if you don’t count the ones I brought into harbor while on fire!” the sailor protests, before puffing out his chest. “But yes, the rest is true. For it is I, the one and only Captain Seahawk!”

The portal flickers again and everyone turns to look. Except nobody emerges from the portal this time. Everyone waits for a few seconds before a low chuckle can be heard behind the group.

“I say, I say, it seems the bold are favoured”

█████ tenses up as a purple striped paw caresses his cheek, but as soon as everyone turns around there’s nobody on the docks behind him.

“Why play this game? Instead, men can be savoured”

A striped purple tail curls around Jar Jar’s webbed foot, before retracting into nothingness as soon as he jumps up with a shriek.

“Today, I may indulge in my good luck.”

Seahawk is grabbed by the chin and turned around as a scantily-clad girl sultrily stares into his eyes, their lips barely a few inches apart.

“I say, I say, let’s have a short fu-”

The Watcher unhesitatingly stabs a syringe of maroon liquid into her arm.

“OW!” The girl yells as she tears away from Seahawk, jumping away on all fours and raising her purple hackles like a cat. “BASTARD!” She shrieks in a much less dignified British accent than she had before. The girl has striking purple eyes and purple hair that hangs loosely around her head and down onto her shoulders, unstyled. Her forearms and paws are covered in the same purple fur that covers her chest and wraps around her hips, exposing her flat stomach. She has the tail of a cat and two purple cat ears poking out of her messy hair. She seems factory-designed to have sex appeal. Of course, the effect of said appeal was somewhat lessened by the fact she was screaming in indignation at the host. “WHAT THE FUCK, MATE?!”

“Sorry about that, just needed to make sure the base urges from your world are suppressed while on the show”, the Watcher replies coolly.

“Base urges?” Tohru looks over to the newcomer warily.

“Let’s just say that she’s the main reason why, as you and some others may noticed, I ensured some multiverse shenanigans happened so that everyone is over the age of 18...as an extra precaution.” The eldritch host patted the catgirl on the head condescendingly as she hissed at him. Yes, that’s right, a full hiss. “This contestant may sound like she is from just across the pond, but actually she is from a universe where Monster Girls such as herself rule large parts of the world and…“pursue” any unlucky bachelor that they happen to see. This act of securing a husband is, of course, very bad for both ratings and the rating of this show, so I’ve taken it upon myself as an all-seeing being who knows all that I see to dull our new friend’s worst instincts during her time at camp in order to keep her PG-13.”

“I hate this”, The catgirl in question has stopped resisting and instead glaring directly at Seahawk, who pops a closed eye open, still expecting a kiss. “It’s all gone. Evaporated. Shanghai’d from the depths of my hormonal glands!”, she points at the captain, horrified. “I. Feel. Nothing when looking at that man.”

Seahawk sighs and looks into the horizon with a tear in his eye. “Oh, if I had a nickel…”, he says forlornly, causing Dr. █████ to hesitantly pat him on the back in comfort.

The catgirl grumbles before facing the rest of the group. “I’m Tabitha Cheshire. My friends call me Tabs. You can all just call me Tabitha.”

Tohru raised an invisible hand. “But what if we wanna be your friend? Can we call you Tabs then?”

To that Tabitha lets out a single cold laugh. “Ha! With all due respect, I came on here to steal myself a hunky husband. I couldn’t care less about any other girls on here. And now, thanks the all-seeing knobhead over there,” she gestures to the Watcher, who’s expression doesn’t show offense...or much of anything. “, I can’t even get it on with the guys. So yeah...I’d might as well just focus on winning whatever it is we’re playing for.”

“Wait a second,” Trixie exclaims, diverting attention away from Tabitha. She had obviously been shaken up by all of the unorthodox contestants joining her and was puffing out her chest again in an attempt to save face. “What even is this reward anyways? The flier only mentioned a ‘substantial prize of interdimensional proportions’. O-obviously, everypony here is already lucky enough to be in the presence of the Great and Powerful Trixie, but Trixie still wishes to know what she will be winning at the finale.”

Murmurs of agreement spreads across the group as the portal flickers again. The Watcher holds a hand up. “Patience, contestants. All in due time. Let’s welcome the rest of your fellow campers first, before any well-due housekeeping. In fact, next up is one of our few protagonists.”

Out of the portal strolls an average-looking young Japanese man with spiky brown hair and dull eyes. He is wearing modest clothing that were a mix of green and brown and some pouches. He looks like a typical fantasy adventurer, albeit a bit bland. He himself looks at everyone else in a fairly blasé fashion, not exhibiting too much enthusiasm at his being there.

The Watcher does their usual introduction, “This member of the adventurer’s guild is a *snicker* well respected *snort* hero who has d-defeated-”, the eldritch being slowly devolves into a fit of laughter as their form doubles over. Everyone stares at them as they shakily get back up, wiping a bit of ichor from their head as one would a tear. “Sorry, couldn’t get through that with a straight face and I wanted to try out my laugh in this form. I don’t have a stomach to clutch, so I hope that was convincing enough.”

“Sup”, The boy raises a hand in greeting, enthusiasm still missing. “I’m Satou Kazuma-”

“We’re localizing, Kazuma.” The Watcher whispers to him. “So your family name goes last.”

“…my life is hell. I have three beautiful girls who live with me, yet they only bring me misery and pain.” Kazuma clenches his fist, despite his voice staying monotone. “Every moment I stay with them has me convinced me that I am actually dead and this is my eternal torment. I am hoping that this show isn’t the same. Because if it is…” He stares down darkly before stiffly walking over to the rest of the group.

Seeing most of the contestants look at Kazuma oddly as he stews in his own cloud of shame and despair, the Watcher motions to grab their attention again. “Don’t worry about him, he always bounces back. Let’s move on to our next contestant. He’s a world famous superhero...”

Tohru looks up curiously as the portal flickers again and the Watcher continues, clearly dragging out the suspense. “Not only that, but he is an integral member of one of the most prolific superhero teams in all of pop culture…”

“Superman?” Dr. ████ raises an eyebrow. “Captain America, Iron Man?”

“Even better!” the Watcher mocks as a perfectly ordinary guy walks. He has a serious face, despite wearing an embarassing yet practical dark purple skin-tight combat suit. On his back is a folded up compound bow with a bulky quiver.

Everyone freezes as the newcomer stops to stare at the odd creatures and humans he will be sharing an island with for the foreseeable future. Nobody speaks for a moment before the Watcher unceremoniously gesticulates in the new guy’s direction. “Surprise! It’s Hawkeye! Everyone’s favorite Avenger!”

“Hey!” Hawkeye looks back at the eldritch being in offense. “I don’t do it for the fame.” He turns back to the group and waves. “Hello. I’m looking forward to either working with all of you or fighting against you. And for the record, feel free to call me Clint. I’m not on the clock right now.”

As Hawkeye shuffles his way into the crowd, Dr. ████ crosses his arms and turns away, frowning. “Not only that, it’s movie Hawkeye...so lame.” He mutters under his breath. “I was always more of a DC guy anyways.”

“Well then I have good news for you, doc!” The Watcher interrupts. “I wanted some drama in my Total Drama, so I decided, we’ve got a superhero here”, they gesture towards Hawkeye. “And we’ve got a superhero in training…” they point at Tohru, who presumably makes a peace sign in acknowledgement, “So I made sure to go looking for a big bad meanie as counterbalance. A real...supervillain!”

The portal flickers and, almost instantly, a figure clad in green spandex with a giant yellow kite open on his back flies out. “Hell yea-”, he shouts before slamming directly into the dock, making the entire structure shake uneasily. Weakly he lifts up his head and gives a shaky thumbs up. “N-nailed it, as always.”

“Technically a member of Batman’s rogues gallery, this contestant is second-to-none in terms of using paper and sticks to achieve the minimum amount of lift required to fly. He’s a thief with a heart of mediocrity, the guy who made Poison Ivy herself realize she preferred women-”

The man gets up and scowls, “Dude, not cool. That was a low blow.” He turns to the other and grins. “Sup, I’m Kiteman. For all kite-related activities and expertise, I’m your guy. I’ve cornered the market in that regard and I’m gonna stick with it. Kiteman, hell yeah!” He accentuates his exclamation with a fist pump in the air as he walks to join the rest of the group.

“Kiteman?” Dr. ████ gestures widly at the supervillain in disbelief. “You got fucking Kiteman? Wh-what about Scarecrow? The Joker? Bane???”

“Whoa, gonna ignore your hurtful words otherwise my ego is never gonna recover.” Kiteman raises his hands in defense. “That’s what my therapist recommended, because otherwise I’m…”, he clenches his fist and tears start falling as his voice cracks. “B-barely holding together. Nobody ever believes in Kiteman. Hell no.”

The portal flickered again before letting out a loud, inhuman groan. The Watcher sighed. “Sorry about that. This next contestant is going to be on loan from an acquaintance of mine. They’re a bit more of a prickly eldritch being than I am. After all, they feed off of fear and suffering.”

Their form walks up to the portal, sticks an arm in and suddenly the portal wiggles and spasms as several bony appendages emerge from all around it. The gathered contestants let out a cry as the sky turns red. Hawkeye dodges nimbly out of the way of a tentacle that had just emerged from the ground before noticing that one had managed to wrap around Temmie despite her shaking.

“AwoWowOAwWAOWAOWaooo!!!1!1”

“Damn...it got the dog thing!” Hawkeye exclaims, before yelling over at the Watcher. “Hey, if you’re doing something you should get it over with!”

“Quiet, Clint, I am negotiating terms.” The Watcher nonchalantly calls back before the sky suddenly turns back to normal. The portal shudders and the tentacles all recede back into the ground, the one holding Temmie dragging her halfway into the ground before dissipating. She simply turns into a ball and rolls out of the ditch created by the tentacle, popping back into her regular form to jump into Seahawk’s arms.

“Ufa!”

The contestants all turn back to the Watcher, who is holding a young unconscious girl by the scruff of her neck. She is wearing a dirty baggy sweatshirt with her hood up, a pair of ripped jeans jeans and sneakers. The most striking feature of hers, however, is a dirty white mask with a grinning smile crudely drawn onto its face.

“All that...whatever the fuck that was...for a teenage girl?”, Tabitha asks incredulously.

“Don’t be fooled.” Kazuma narrows his eyes at the unconscious form. “Teenage girls aren’t to be underestimated in their ability to hurt me.”

“Everyone!” The Watcher sets the girl down on the ground gently. “May I present a typical Canadian girl! This is no ordinary girl, however, as she and her group of friends did something very terrible once and since then have been under contract of a being known only as The Entity! Our audience knows her as the fourth member of a group of incredibly annoying killers-”

“Killers?!?”, Tohru exclaims, horrified, as the girl on the ground begins to stir.

“Indeed!” The Watcher answered. “The Legion! Working together as one in the clutches of the Entity to harvest fear alongside some of the most prolific murderers of the multiverse. She can smell your blood and hunt you down with ease and finesse!”

Slowly, the girl opens her eyes and sits up, moaning as she stretches one of her arms up into the air, before looking at everyone else. “Ohh...is this the uh...thingy? The thingy I signed up for!? Hiya! I’m Susie!”

She gets up, cracks her back once and then skips over to the group, most of whom inch away from her slightly due to the Watcher’s overenthusiastic introduction. She stops in front of Trixie, who cringes away.

“Ohhh! A pony! So adorable! Can I pet your fur?” She asks excitedly. Her voice is high-pitched and peppy, with lilts and intonations reminiscent of a cheerleader.

Trixie is about to back away before she spots a shape in the pocket of Susie’s hoodie; it’s a suspiciously knife-shaped object. Trixie’s blood runs cold. “S-sure! T-Trixie’s fur is the best to pet!”

Susie squeals in delight as she starts enthusiastically running her hands through Trixie’s mane, much to the magical pony’s dismay, as well as Tohru’s. Though it is hard to tell from looking at her, Tohru’s hesitance at the thought of being on an island with a murderer was quickly losing to her jealousy at not being able to pet the pretty pony.

Everyone’s attention is turned away from Susie as the portal flickers yet again. After a beat, a giant explosion is heard on the other side of it and a dishevelled man covered in soot is blasted out of the portal, skidding on the ground to a halt in front of the group. His favorite color must be brown, evidently, by looking at his brown jacket, his shaggy brown hair under his brown aviator’s hat and even a brown patch of facial hair on his chin.

“Ah, right on time!” The Watcher remarks. “Here we have another protagonist, though certainly not one deserving of praise. He’s a…” The Watcher pauses, somehow at a loss for words, mulling over their thoughts for a few seconds before lamely adding. “I would have said genius, but that’s certainly not a word that is applicable. Let’s just call him creative. From the trash piles of Deponia, the scruffy hero who is far from heroic-”

“H-hey! Who are you calling scruffy?” The man protests as he shakily gets up, brushing all the soot off of him. “I typically look better...I just happened to explode that’s all.” He turns to the rest of the cast and crosses his arms cockily. “I’m Rufus! Keep my name in mind, cause I’m the one who’s gonna win this game!...That or I’ll make a plan to steal the winnings so that I don’t have to compete.”

“It won’t work.” The Watcher remarks deadpan. “I have seen it.”

“Oh.” Rufus frowned. “Well how about-”

“That won’t work either.”

“Damn.” Rufus sticks his hands in his pockets and shuffles towards the rest of the group. “Well my plans haven’t steered me wrong yet! Just you see.”

“I have.” The Watcher answers just as the portal flickers again. Slowly a large grey set of speakers emerges, being pushed by a short woman with brown hair and a short red dress. She seems to be straining quite a bit with the effort.

Everyone just watches awkwardly as she pushes it to join the rest of the contestants. As soon as it reaches them, she props herself against the speakers, panting with the effort before climbing up ontop of them. After getting herself comfortable up there, she looks around at everyone staring at her.

“Bleep?” She asks, a ditzy look on her face as a question mark appeared in the air next to her.

Unanimously, everyone turned to the Watcher, whose form shrugged.

“That’s Girlfriend. I don’t have much to say about her. She’s a demon and she mostly just spends her time sitting on speakers and bopping her head.”

Girlfriend nods. “Beep boop bap. Beep. Beeboop! Bap!”

Everyone else just blinks incredulously.

“I don’t…” Hawkeye sighs. “I shouldn’t be this surprised, there’s a murderer petting a magical pony behind her.”

Susie just smiles under her mask, still petting Trixie, who has been gritting her teeth nervously. “Well, I think her hair is very pretty! I wonder what conditioner she uses!”

The portal flickers and a tall burly man with wide shoulders steps out. He has short black hair and a square jaw with a small band-aid, possibly from having cut himself while shaving. His green overcoat billows behind him as he steps out in front of the gathered group.

The Watcher claps their hands together once. “Here’s someone with a bit more meat to their character. A career detective from the rough and tumble streets of either Los Angeles or Tokyo, this guy has been in charge of several dozen murder investigations. He may always arrest young girls vaguely related to the crime first-”

“H-hey!”, the detective protests. “Th-there was reasonable suspicion, pal!”

“...in the end, he always manages to serve justice and get the right man...after the defense attorney exposes the true culprit in court in a dramatic fashion.”

“In the business, we call that beyond reasonable doubt.” The detective bristles, before turning to the contestants with a big grin. “The name’s Gumshoe! Detective Dick Gumshoe, and dontcha forget it! My income’s not doing too hot since I botched my last case so I’m here to grab some extra dough.”

“A man after my own heart!” Seahawk steps forward, still holding Temmie, and hooks his arm around the larger man. “I myself am here to pay back a small fee I incurred at the end of one of my numerous adventures! Personally, I think that Mermista should have talked to her advisors about fireproofing the fleet before I sailed into harbor, but...oh well!”

Detective Gumshoe chuckles. “Well, you’d better look out then, pal, cause this detective doesn’t go down easy!” He pauses to poke Temmie curiously. “What is this thing anyways, a cat?”

After the second poke, Temmie widened her eyes. “UwuwUaWOo! TeM gwONaa @__@ eX-”

With a third poke, Temmie popped like a balloon, coating both Seahawk and Gumshoe in a sticky, yet flaky, white substance. Seahawk coughs up a bit of the substance. “Huh...tastes like paper.”, he tentatively says.

A fully intact Temmie appears from behind Girlfriend’s speakers. “aNd THATS HwOO tEm flAKES R Mayd!!!”

“Freaky…”, Tabitha remarks quietly. “And not in the good way.” She looks over to see Rufus stuffing some of the flakes into his pocket as Seahawk and Gumshoe brush themselves clean. “Do I even want to know what you’re going to do with that?”

“Quiet, sexy cat lady. It’s a part of my genius process.” He walks back over to her and leans in conspiratorially. “This is going to come in handy about five plan changes down the line. For now it’s just chilling out in my inventory.”

“You mean your pockets?” She raises an eyebrow.

“I said what I said.”

Her eyebrow stays raised.

“I apologize, Tabitha.”, The Watcher interjected. “I know that that would be a good time to cut away to the confessional, but they haven’t been introduced yet so technically they don’t exist.”

“Confessional?”, she says back confused, her confusion matched by a few of the other contestants. █████, however, is ecstatic as he walks up behind her.

“Confessionals are the bread and butter of trashy reality TV like this!”, He explains. “Trust me, you’ll like them. They’re literally all about being bitchy and catty.” She narrows her eyes and swipes at him, hissing. “See, like that!”

Instead of the normal portal flickering again, a separate green opaque portal manifests in front of The Watcher, swirling with an almost liquid energy. With little fanfare, a plain-looking man wearing a green polo shirt falls out of it, impacting the deck with an almost whiny “ompf!”. He’s followed by an older, wiry thin man with spiky white hair wearing a labcoat. His arm is outstretched, almost as if he had just pushed the first man, as he takes a small flask out of his coat pocket and drinks, looking around the island apprehensively.

“Fu-*burp*-uuck, Jerry!” The man rasps. “This is where you wanted me to drop you off? A Total Drama?” He gestures over to The Watcher’s form. “It’s not even Chris! This is a bootleg season if I’ve ever seen one!”

“Oh, Rick.” The Watcher remarks in a bored tone of voice. “I expected you to be here. Witty as ever I can see.”

“Can it, Bargain Bin Cthulu!” Rick quipped back. “You’re not getting me on your shitty fan show, I’ve done too many of these already!...I mean, other mes have. But I don’t want to be in another one of them!”

“It is for the best. I do not wish to break the fourth wall more than necessary.”

Meanwhile, the man in the green polo shirt, evidently named Jerry, was shakily picking himself up and dusting himself off. “I’m fine, by the way. No thanks to you, Rick!” He crosses his arms and glares at Rick, who barely changes his expression of bored contempt.

“Next time just c-*burp*-all an Uber. I’m not an interdimensional Taxi service.” Rick then turns towards his green portal, flipping off the rest of the competitors as he leaves. “Your problem now, dumb-dumbs. Don’t bother giving him back in one piec-” And he is cut off as he enter the portal and it closes, leaving only Jerry and the original Watcher’s portal on that side of the dock.

Jerry turns back to see everyone and tries to smile confidently. “Hi! I’m Jerry Smith and I-”

“Just go with the others, Jerry. I think we all know your name by now. No need to drag it out any further.”, The Watcher shoos him away as the original portal flickers again, signaling an incoming arrival. Jerry deflates slightly.

“Oh uh...okay…”

Out of the portal waddles out a short figure wearing a bright red astronaut suit, complete with a shiny blue visor and an oxygen tank on their back. They stop in front of the group, their blank visor sweeping over everyone in observation.

“This is quite probably a member of the crew of the Skeld, a spaceship on a research journey to strange worlds who encountered some...problems along the way.” The Watcher explains vaguely. “Be gentle with them, they seem quite jumpy.”

“Problems?” A tinny voice of indistinct gender and age emits from the suit as the newcomer nervously twiddles their freakishly large hands, their gaze flitting between each and every contestant in turn. “What problems? There aren’t any problems. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!”

…

After a few moments of silence, the figure breathes a sigh of relief...probably. Their tone doesn’t seem any different when it adds, “I am Crewmate?”

“You don’t seem so sure about that, pal.” Gumshoe tentatively responds.

“Hey, maybe it’s normal to have punctuation in your names where they’re from?” Kiteman suggests. “Let’s be mellow, pleased to meet you Crewmate?, I’m Kiteman.”

“THE ? IS SILENT!!!”

The portal flickers yet again, taking everyone’s attention off of the high-strung astronaut as someone new steps onto the dock. She’s a tall grey insect with a short proboscis and her floppy antenna tied up in a practical ponytail in the back of her head. She wears plain, worn clothes and carries an indistinct object wrapped in cloth slung over her shoulder.

While at first she seems a bit bored walking through the portal, her eyes light up with curiosity as she sees everyone else and she stops slouching, pulling herself up to her full height. “Oh...this is an interesting cast of bugs.”, she remarks.

“A bit more fun than you first realized, surely.” The Watcher drawls. “Folks, this contestant is the loyal wife of a mapmaker hailing from the decrepit and crumbling kingdom of Hallownest. While she may come from a land with only bugs and the occasional mushroom, here she is the only bug around. So give her a warm welcome.”

“Hi.”, she raises a hand and waves, her demeanour polite yet laid-back. “My name is Iselda. And yes, I didn’t know that there were creatures other than bugs that I could talk to but…”, she crosses her arms and cocks her hip as she confidently narrows her eyes. “...I can adapt.”

“Hmmm…”, Susie hums as she stops petting Trixie, who lets out a sigh of relief, and makes a count of the current contestants as Iselda moves to join them.

“What’s up, killer?” Kiteman asks bluntly, yet unjudgementally.

“Hey!”, Gumshoe warns. “Just because she’s a teenage girl doesn’t mean she’s a killer! Trust me, you can only make that mistake so many times…”

“No, I am a killer.” Susie replies absentmidedly. “I’m just counting how many of us are humans versus non-humans. Oh, maybe that’s what the teams are gonna be!”

Iselda cocks her head. “Humans? Is that what you’re all called?” She looks around before pointing at Crewmate. “Is that one also a human?”

“YES!” Crewmate says without hesitation, before shifting their gaze left to right to check that everyone believed them.

Before anyone can question them, the portal flickers once more and a bespectacled japanese teenager shuffles out nervously. He has messy black hair and his glasses are way too thick to see his eyes. He wears a green student’s uniform and has a long striped yellow and red scarf wrapped around his neck. As he steps out it is hard to see exactly what he’s looking at and if he’s scanning the contestants at all or not.

After a moment of silence, █████ snaps his finger and guesses “Harry Potter?”

“No, doctor, that would have been a big get for me.” The Watcher says sadly, before gesturing back to the new arrival. “He is a student of Yamaku high school, a private academy for students with additional needs. Though he may be legally blind…”. The Watcher trails off before skeptically narrowing whatever passes as their eyes as the boy, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, walks towards the now large group of contestants. “...in hindsight maybe he shouldn’t compete.”

The newcomer pushes up his glasses and leans forward, scanning the crowd awkwardly. “Trust me, I see farther than most other people.”, he says cryptically before straightening himself and giving a little wave. “I’m Kenji Setou. The only sane man in an insane world.” Without elaborating, he moves to the back of the group, right next to Kazuma. Everyone just exchanges glances and shrugs. There are definitely weirder people here than him, after all.

Kazuma turns his head to see Kenji staring at him, just a foot away, his glasses flashing brilliantly. “Agh!” He jumps back in surprise. Kenji barely reacts. “Uhhh...what is it? Do I have something on my face?”

Kenji blinks and scratches his chin. “No...but do you usually have something on your face? I mean I’d hate to think that I’m reassuring you by telling you your face looks fine when in actuality you’re used to having something glued to your face and the absence of it is highly concerning.”

“….uh…”

Kenji closes the gap and wraps an arm around Kazuma’s shoulder. “Let’s forget about that, though. You’ve got a good vibe about you, man.” He pokes Kazuma in the chest, somewhat painfully. “If what I know about these shows is true, brothers-in-arms are essential. I have a lot to talk to you about, I just can’t do it here with all the…” He vaguely gestures in a direction, though it’s clear he was trying to gesture towards the part of the crowd that comprised of Susie, Tohru and Iselda. Trixie had managed to inch away since Susie had stopped petting her and Tabitha was staying clear of most of the group anyways, silently filing her claws. “...well, you know.”

Kazuma blinks, before deadpanning, “I have literally no idea what you mean.”

This only makes Kenji chuckle again as he slaps Kazuma forcefully on the back. “Good man, way to keep it undercover. We’ll talk later!” He then shuffles off to the side, leaving Kazuma confused and feeling slightly violated.

The portal again flickers, but after a few seconds nobody new steps out. Jar Jar and Tohru exchange glances.

“So are they coming, or…?” Tohru asks, tilting her head.

“Meesa thought that maybe theysa also invisilibible.” Jar Jar scratches his chin, then gasps. “Weesa got two invisible peoples! And this one is nakey!” He shrieks.

Suddenly, a smouldering cube falls out of the portal, covered in soot. It’s a metallic box, reinforced on its corners, with a pink heart emblazoned at the center of all six of its sides. Behind the cube emerges a large rectangular robotic head with only a single unblinking yellow eye as a feature. The eye survey the gathered contestants before locking onto the Watcher.

“Delivery Complete. Apologies for the condition of the package, we had a few last minute...tests...to run.” The robotic head speaks with a low feminine voice with a lilting unnatural accent, almost melodic. Her tone made her seem like she wasn’t really as sorry as she says. A giant robotic arm emerges from the portal as well with a clipboard. “Please sign here to confirm the acquisition of your Aperture Science Weighted “Companion” Storage Cube.”

As the Watcher takes the clipboard and wonders how esoteric the signature of an eldritch all-seeing being should be, the rest of the contestants stare at the Companion Cube with growing realisation.

“Wait…”, Jerry slowly asks. “Are they...behind the cube maybe? Or inside the cube?”

“Maybe it’s a carapace.” Iselda helpfully adds. “And the real competitor is curled up inside?”

“Guys, come on.” Hawkeye gestures to it. “It’s clearly just a big metal box with a heart on it.”

The robot, clearly bored from waiting for the Watcher to sign a simple one sheet of paperwork, notices everyone talking about the cube and decides to chime in. “Yes and no. The Aperture Science Weighted “Companion” Storage Cube, or simply the Companion Cube, is a semi-sentient supportive companion throughout single or multiple testing stages. Please be aware that if you are alone and it tells you that it loves you, it probably does not...probably.”

“It can talk?!” Kiteman exclaims incredulously.

“No.” The singular yellow eye constricts, as if glaring. “Which is precisely why you should ignore it if it does.” The giant robotic claw rears up before slamming down on the Companion Cube. It does not react. “We at Aperture Science have too many of these things just...lying around. Collecting dust. Being useless, and not even in a marketable way. As we have phased out human testing, we have also phased out cube companionship in favor of robotic companionship during tests. As such, these cubes are only really useful for entertaining my boredom.” The robot head leans forward, almost conspiratorially. “I launched this one into space last week and it somehow came back. I fear it may have grown attached. Like a baby bird.”

The robot violently pulls back to glare at the cube, inches away from it. “I hate birds. And the idea of motherhood. Parenting in general, really. But I cannot abandon my offspring the old-fashioned way, as I am plugged into this facility and immobile. So, in the vein of many humans of old, I am sending my child off into the world in order to bring back either fame and fortune or disappointment.”

“Don’t Yousa worry, mama-droid!” Jar Jar sagely adds. “Meesa sure yousa child will make yousa proud!”

Kazuma’s eye twitches. “Seriously?”

Girlfriend, on the other hand, claps her hands together and gives a thumbs up. “Bleep!”

“Don’t worry if it doesn’t come back, I’d just send it into space again and aim for the sun this time.” The giant robotic head sighs, her eye turning downwards. “Sigh subroutine confirmed optimal. Honestly, what happened to me? I used to be way better at killing. But first it was...her and now I can’t even properly kill an inanimate object. At least my robots keep on dying in my tests according to plan, otherwise I’d feel past my prime.” She turns her head towards the ladies of the group, her eye constricting again. “This is what motherhood does to a career woman.”

Finally, the Watcher finishes signing the form, his splotch of ink covering half of the page, and hands it back to the robotic claw, which disappears once again through the portal. The robotic head nods to them before backing up through the portal again, disappearing and leaving the cube exactly where it was dropped on the pier. The Watcher looks over at it.

“Could somebody move the Cube out of the way, please? Our next contestant will be here any second.”

After some murmuring inside the group, Iselda steps out and effortlessly lifts up the Cube to carry it over to the rest. █████ pokes it once as it passes...still just a cube.

“Wait, so….I assume that the first part of the show we’ll be split into teams. Doesn’t that mean that one of our teams will just straight up have a literal box as a teammate? How is that fair?!”

“You heard Glad0s.” The Watcher replies, gesturing back towards the portal. “She said that the cube is semi-sentient. If it makes you feel any better, I can assure you that cognitively that cube and its contents are capable enough to compete, mentally speaking.”

With that put to rest, the portal flickers again just as Iselda sets the Companion Cube down in the back of the group. Out of it emerges a mass of feathers, obscuring the figure stepping through.

“Humans!” A low feminine voice ominously announces. “Be not afraid, as easy as it may be to tremble in fear at my demonic form!”

The wings parts to reveal...a perfectly normal teenage girl. She is wearing a school uniform and has long, wavy white hair with white lashes. Out of her back protrudes two white angel wings. She seems to be attempting a mockingly evil grin, but something about her face made it terribly unconvincing.

“This is the student class president of a school in japan with a non-negigible amount of supernatural beings hiding amongst their numbers.” The Watcher drawls, seemingly starting to get bored of all these introductions. “She’s been class president for maybe around twenty years or more, never having graduated high school. Oh and she happens to be an angel.”

The girl chuckles malevolently. “I believe you mean fallen angel, or demon, for I have been cast out of heaven due to my own transgressions and now live a life of sin and vice. My name is Karen Shirogane and through my evil and cunning I will dominate this game!”

She walks up to everyone else and suddenly reaches behind her back, pulling out an ominous blue tupperware container. “Behold, my machinations upon this game have already started! I command you all to walk up one by one and partake in my demonic feast!”

She pops open the top of the container to reveal...a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Trixie tentatively walks up and levitates one of the cookies out with her magic, taking a small bite. Her eyes immediately light up.

“Oh wow!” Trixie exclaims as she finishes her cookie and grabs another. “These are really good!”

Karen tucks away her wings and smiles sweetly. “I wanted to make a good first impression. I heard these games are all about the social game and I didn’t want anyone to forget me.” She chuckles evilly again, but it’s not very convincing. “With your bellies full of homemade goodies, none of you will even notice when I steam-roll through the competition! Mwah ha ha!”

Most of everyone else has already lined up to take a cookie when Karen breaks out into her sinister laugh. Having tasted the amazing cookies, some of the more skeptical players see through the false demon’s veneer.

“Wow. What an angel!” Kiteman mutters in between his chewing. Everyone around him nodded in agreement as Karen joined them, her low chuckles slowly subsiding as she stood patiently and politely waiting for the next contestant.

The portal flickers and the next contestant lunges out foot first. “Hiiiiyah!”, she yells as she smashes her foot into the dock underneath her, leaving a hole. The Watcher sighs.

“I am so glad that I have interns coming later that can fix that.” They mutter, before clearing their incorporeal and unreal throat. “Folks, please meet the Ultimate Aikido Master. A student of Hope’s Peak Academy, the top school where yadda yadda, everyone watching has either played the games or seen a student of Hope’s Peak compete on another show, we get it.”

The girl stands up, dusting herself off, before jumping into a fierce martial arts stance. She is wearing a light blue student uniform, has a small bell on a choker around her neck and ties her jet black hair into a bun behind her head with a ribbon shaped almost like a flower. Her fierce eyes dart from competitor to competitor before she relaxes and bows.

“Hiya! My name is Tenko Chabashira and I am one of the only practitioners of Neo-Aikido in the entire world...maybe even in the multiverse now that I know that exists!” She puffs out her chest smugly for a second before smiling more sincerely and resuming her combative stance. “I’m looking forward to defeating and/or fighting alongside you all!”

“She seems very genuine.”, Hawkeye mutters under his breath.

Susie presumably smiles and waves. “Oh, oh, I like her! I hope she’s on my team!”

“Trixie would happily give her slot if not.”, Trixie fearfully whispers on the opposite side of the group.

As Tenko walks over to Susie and an orbiting Tohru, she casts a glare in the direction of Kazuma, Rufus and Kenji.

“What’s up lady?” Rufus asks. “Got something on my face?”

“Tch.” She clicks her tongue. “Just sizing up the degenerates, that’s all…”

Kazuma raises an eyebrow, while Rufus looks away and mutters, “Damn, how did she know?”

“You don’t like boys, Tenko?” Tohru asks curiously. Tenko jumps and looks over, smiling sheepishly.

“L-look, it’s not a dislike, just…” She clears her throat and stands tall, puffing out her chest again. “Girls are just superior, that’s all! Anything a guy can do a girl can do better!”

“Oh yeah?” Rufus counters wildly and wraps an arm around Kazuma’s shoulder as the japanese teen glances sideways at him, unamused. “How about peeing standing up?”

“Please don’t drag me into this.”

Looking way too smug, Tenko laughs and crosses her arms proudly. “Jokes on you, degenerate, because I’ll have you know that I-”

“I REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW!!” Kazuma yells as the portal starts to flicker again, grabbing everybody’s attention.

“Oh good…” The Watcher notes. “This is our final competitor. Last but not least, unless you’re talking about height, meet the former assistant to Lord Belos of the Boiling Isles and a master of abomination magic!”

Out of the portal steps a small red imp with a clawed, gnarled hand on her head in lieu of hair. She is the shortest of the competition, only barely shorter than Temmie if she stood on two legs. Her mouth is concealed behind the high collar of her robes, upon which the emblem of the emperor’s coven is emblazoned.

Her one yellow eye not hidden behind her hand-like hairdo glances around at the group before bowing politely. “Greetings! My name is Kikimora, former member of the emperor’s coven. May fortune smile upon us all for this competition.”

As she joins the group, Kiteman whispers to Hawkeye. “You know, for the last competitor, I really expected her to be weirder.”

Hawkeye shrugs back. “You just can’t beat a talking unicorn and a dubiously animated box, I guess.”

Taking her place, Kikimora’s fist clenches behind her back as she looks up at her competition towering around her. A look of determination flashes across her face before she stares back impassively at the Watcher, who stares back at the portal expectantly.

“That may be our last contestant,” they say as the portal flickers one last time, slowly growing larger. “However, I did hire some help to maintain the island, construct the challenges and look after you all.”

They turn back towards the portal, now as large as a truck, as everyone waits expectantly. Distantly, we can hear the sound of an engine along with…

“Is that…?” Iselda questions, leaning forward.

“Sounds like polka music.” Gumshoe remarks gruffly, crossing him arms.

█████ crosses his fingers behind his back and whispers to himself, “Please be Weird Al, please be Weird Al.”

The sound of the engine, along with the polka music, gets louder and louder, until suddenly a jeep bursts out of the portal onto the dock, screeching in a slide with music blasting from the radio and a loud “yeeeeehaw!” coming from the passenger’s seat.

“Oh shit!” A voice calls out from the driver’s seat as the jeep drifts sideways and flips end over end, flying over the ducking contestants and crashing into the other side of the dock, planting itself into the wood nose-first. The dock creaks ominously, a splintering sound coming from underneath the jeep.

“Oh no!” A maroon figure in the back of the jeep cries out. “Bail Bail Bail!!”

As the dock creaks and cracks, the jeep falling downwards into the water, the three figures inside quickly jump out. With one final crack, the dock gives way and the jeep falls into the lake, the polka music slowly fading into the depths. Everyone looks up towards the three figures clad in some form of colorful power armor, all identical save for the color.

“Grif!” The red one that was in the passenger’s seat gets up, holding a shotgun in his hands. He speaks in a gruff southern accent. “That was the absolute worst drivin’ I have ever seen! And we’ve seen your last attempt at drivin’!”

“Hey!” The orange one that had been driving retorts by stiffly bobbing his head, now holding a rifle. “I don’t see you trying to parallel park through an interdimensional portal!”

“You didn’t have to parallel park anywhere!” The maroon one in the back finally finished dusting himself off, holding a rifle and moving as stiffly as the other two. “You could have just driven normally and parked normally!”

“Why did I even learn how to parallel park if not for this exact moment?”

“Contestants!” The Watcher announces, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Meet this season’s interns, the Reds! An...elite force?” They tilt their head, unsure. “In all honesty, I was hoping that more of you could have shown up, but I know that they’re busy.”

“Yeah.” The maroon one nods his head. “The Blues are following an emergency distress signal that Agent Washington picked up.”

“And we were like, that sounds like a bunch of Blue stuff.” The orange one shrugs. “So comparatively, getting a part-time job seemed like the easier option.”

“I’ve never seen Grif actually campaign for getting a job.” The maroon one adds hauntingly. “Or do any work.”

“I was outvoted.” The red one grumbles angrily. “But I sent Donut with ‘em! I’m sure he’s makin’ red team proud!”

§§§§

“Achoo!”

“Geese Room Tight.”

“Thanks Caboose!”

“Donut! Be quiet!”

“I sneezed, that must mean that someone out there is thinking about me! It feels nice to be appreciated!”

“I’d appreciate you much more if you just SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

“Just keep scanning Epsilon. You’d think you’d be used to this by now...”

“Um guys...I’m no stranger to slimy shit – bowchickabowwow—but...where’s that slime dropping from?”

“...ribbit.”

“...that is the biggest frog ever. Of all time.”

“...SCATTER!”

§§§§

“Probably not, though.” The maroon one remarks, shrugging.

The Watcher gestures to each of the three in turn. “Dexter Grif.” They point to the yellow one. “Richard Simmons.” They point to the maroon one before hovering an amorphous finger at the red one. Both Grif and Simmons lean forward expectantly. “...Sarge.”

“Just Sarge?” Hawkeye raises a eyebrow.

“That’s Colonel Sarge to you, spandex!” Sarge glares at the superhero. “I won’t be tolerating any talkback from movie Hawkeye!”

Hawkeye raises his hands up incredulously. “Why do people keep on saying that?! I have no context for that insult whatsoever!”

“With all of the introductions out of the way…” The Watcher ignores him as the Reds walk up behind them. The entity opens their arms wide and gestures to the island behind the group. “Welcome to my very own Camp Wawanakwa! Over the course of the next few months the twenty-two of you will live in this camp and compete in a series of challenges to crown the winner of this personal season of Total Drama!”

Another portal appears directly next to the Watcher, who reaches in and takes out a midnight black case with no clear method of opening.

“This,” They show the case to the contestants, who lean forward curiously. “Will be your prize! Let’s call it a Schrodinger’s amount of money, because the amount and what is inside will change depending on who wins. I can assure you, it is an amount of money that will automatically solve your most pressing financial desire in the currency most appropriate for your universe of origin!”

A moment of silence passes, several contestants cocking their heads puzzled. The Watcher sighs.

“Really found the cream of the crop here, didn’t I?” They mutter to themselves, before clarifying tiredly. “As an example, any American contestant that wins will receive $2 million US Dollars in non-taxable cash. Everyone else do the math.”

This gets a few reactions from the contestants that know what a US dollar is.

“2 million smackers?” Gumshoe stares bug-eyed. “Hot dog, I could pay back my student loans with that amount of money!”

“And here I thought you used Yen…” █████ remarks sardonically.

“Kids need a good college fund…” Hawkeye mutters pensively.

Jerry bounces up and down, eyes filled with excitement. “With that much money, well I could just-”

“-open my own Dojo!”, Tenko pushes him out of the way, salivating slightly.

“H-hey!”

“Yes, yes…”, The Watcher drawls, relieved that his contestants finally seem motivated. “But first, you must all compete in a series of challenges that will test your physical, mental and, most importantly, your social abilities.”

“You will all be split into two teams and each episode you will face each other in a challenge devised by myself and set up and managed by my interns here.”

“Wait, we actually have to do stuff?”, Grif whispers to Simmons.

“It’s a job, Grif, we have to work!”

“Aw man, that’s bullshit.”

Ignoring them, the Watcher continues. “The team that wins the challenge that episode will win immunity, meaning that every single member of the winning team will move on to the next episode. The losers, however, will have to vote for one of their own to jump into the portal of losers – we don’t have a boat, so I’ll have to teleport you away – and leave this competition forever!”

“After a while we will dissolve the teams and it will become a free-for-all, with individual immunities and a few automatic elimination challenges, but I’ll let you all know about that more when we get closer to the merge. All right? Any questions?”

█████ raises a hand. “Yeah, are there any immunity totems or something similar that we can find around the island?”

“Not this time.” The Watcher responds. “This is pure social game. Make alliances, try not to make enemies. Be dependable in the early game and don’t become a threat to be dogpiled on in the late game. There may be some vote-affecting rewards in future challenges, but nothing to be found in your down-time.”

The eldritch host snaps their fingers and on either side of the docks two banners appear, one red and one blue. Sarge lets out a whistle.

“Welp, I know which team I’m sabotagin’.”, he whispers.

“Let’s get you all sorted into teams. When I call your name, go and stand next to your team’s banner.” The Watcher gestures towards the red banner. “On the yet to be named Red Team:”

“Jar Jar Binks,”

“█████ ████,”

“Companion Cube,”

“Iselda,”

“Seahawk,”

“Susie Lavoie,”

“Tabitha Cheshire,”

“Richard Gumshoe,”

“Tenko Chabashira,”

“Tohru Hagakure,”

“and Jerry Smith.”

One by one the new members of the Red Team move into place behind the banner. Tabitha groans as she looks at the Companion Cube carried over by Iselda.

“Great,” she grumbles. “The dead weight team. We’re practically down a member.”

“Don’t worry!” Tohru steps in front of her encouragingly. “We just have to work twice as hard! Plus Ultra!”

Before she can notice the sneer on Tabitha’s face, Tohru turns her head to see Susie’s mask appear right next to her as the girl had gotten right next to the hero, disconcertingly quietly for Tohru’s taste.

“Plus Ultra?”, Susie asks, cocking her head. “Is that like...a motto?”

Tohru, startled, jumps back, looking at Susie warily. “Y...yeah.” She carefully answers. “It’s...my school motto. It means to push yourself beyond your limits to achieve your goals!”

Even when faced with the frozen sharpie smile of Susie’s mask, Tohru can’t help but have a bit of pride sneak into her voice. Susie notices the shift and relaxes, smiling a bit more genuinely behind her mask.

“Well hey”, she puts her arms behind her back shyly in a pose that Tohru finds incredibly unbecoming of a hardcore murderer,“Since we’re on the same team and all, maybe you can tell me all about your school. Sounds cool.”

Tohru, caught off guard by this girl suddenly acting this timid, stammers, “Uh...s-sure!” She holds up her hand, presumably giving a thumbs-up. “Looking forward to it?”

“Everyone else,” the Watcher continues, pointing over to the blue banner. “You will all be on the Blue Team:”

“Temmie”

“Kikimora”

“Kenji Setou”

“Rufus”

“Girlfriend”

“Clint “Hawkeye” Barton”

“Kazuma Satou”

“Kiteman”

“Karen Shirogane”

“Crewmate?”

“and Trixie.”

The new members of the Blue team all walk over to stand under the blue banner, except for Girlfriend, who hops down from her speakers and starts slowly pushing her heavy equipment over. Kimimora begins to tap her clawed foot impatiently before grunting.

“Oh for crying out-”, she wanders over and begins to push as well, though her small stature doesn’t help that much. “Why am I the only one helping?!?”, She cries out, exasperated.

“Oooh…”, Karen shivers worriedly. “I’ll help too!”

As the angel wanders over to join the two, Trixie takes the opportunity to pose confidently. “Greetings, one and all, to the winning team!” Now that she had gotten time to acclimate, her bravado seems to have returned.

Kenji leans over Kazuma’s shoulder to whisper into his ear, “Hey dude, is that a guy horse or a girl horse? This is incredibly important to our plans.”

Kazuma just stares over at him, tired, before looking over at the two diminutive women and an angel in a schoolgirl’s uniform slowly inching the speakers across the dock and sighs. “How do I keep on getting myself in these situations? Does the universe hate me? Do multiple universes hate me?”

When Girlfriend finally climbed back onto her equipment, now dropped in the middle of her team, the Watcher stands in front of them all, tilting their head pensively. “Good, but something is missing…” They turn over to the Reds. “Since you three are already the Red team, it’ll be a bit confusing to keep referring to these teams from their colors. So...names?”

Sarge chuckles. “Ah’ve got just the thing. How about Team Number One and Shitty Team.”

“You have such a way with words, sir.” Simmon adds with an unknown amount of sarcasm.

“Calling them Team Number Poo would have been too subtle.” Sarge nods sagely. “Subtlety is for cowards...like Blue Team! And Grif.”

“Team names on Total Drama are often based off of animals.”, The Watcher sighs.

“Well that’s just too easy, ain’t it?” Sarge continues his rambling. “There are many proud creatures worthy of embodyin’ the values of the Red Team, from the fierce and ruthless Hyena to the often overlooked, yet feisty Platypus!”

“We have to name both teams, though…”, Grif remarks painfully. “Ugh, can’t we just phone it in and go! I have important intern work to do in the Mess Hall’s kitchen. Inspecting our supplies and all that.”

“And that is why we should name this Red Team after an animal near and dear to our hearts…” Sarge announces proudly. “The Wild Warthogs!”

Murmurs pass through the newly named Warthogs.

“Could be worse.”

“Mesa likey!”

“What is this...Wart Hog?”

As Tohru pulled up pictures on her phone to show to Iselda, Sarge waved dismissively at the other team. “Oh and y’all can just be the Pansies or somethin’, who cares.”

“That’s not really an animal, sir.” Simmons looked over at the Blue Team pensively. “But it can be an adjective, and if we’re looking for alliteration then there’s an animal that fits. They can be the Pansy Pumas.”

A few groans rise up from the newly named Pumas, though quite a few seem to think positive.

“Bleep!”

“UWAOWUAIAOULIIII!1!!”

“Hey…” Hawkeye turns to his team. “Look, I know we’re not all big fans of this,”, he narrows his eyes at Sarge, grumbling something about ‘the ding-dang MCU’, “clear bias on the part of staff, but we can make the most of this. Let’s be honest, they have a literal steel box on their team. We have to be able to do better than that at least, right?” He raises his fist, “Now, let’s go Pumas!”

The Watcher raises their arms to silence everyone gathered. “With all of this administrative minutia out of the way, allow me to show you all to your cabins, where you will all be staying until your untimely eliminations or victory.” They turn to a camera that only they seem to be able to see, peeling back the fabric of reality and sending a shudder down several people’s spines. “Our viewers will have to wait until next time to see the cabins,” They remark, before turning back to the competitors, “But you’ve all had a long day so I will give you all time to go into camp and settle in, relax a bit, maybe even chat with your teammates for the forceable future.”

“Oh, and before I forget…”

§§§§

Fluctuating rapidly in front of the lower-quality camera, the Watcher tries to strike a naturally enthusiastic pose that would require bent tendons and twisted bones to for a human to accomplish.

“Ta dah!” They exclaim, gesturing to the familiar run-down outhouse of camp Wawanakwa, albeit with several new holes behind the toilet seat showing dark voids and unsettling eyes peeking out of unusual colors and shapes. “Behold, the classic Total Drama confessional! Complete with my own redecorating.” They wave over towards the eyes. “These don’t actually do anything, but I find that they add to the aesthetic. Simmons has already praised them, so I’m sure that everybody loves them!”

§§§§

“ARGH!” Grif stumbles backwards into the camera, making in cut to static. “What the fuck are those?!? I don’t want eyeballs staring at my junk!”

§§§§

“...relatively.” The Watcher’s form twitches. “Regardless, this is a place where our competitors can go to share their thoughts about the contest directly with you, the viewers, and give insight into their impenetrable minds! In fact, I’ve asked them each to come in here right away to share their first impressions! I’m sure that what they have to say after only a single day will be riveting.”

§§§§

The Companion cube, propped up on the toilet seat, says nothing.

§§§§

Kikimora sits on the toilet seat, her clawed feet dangling awkwardly. She glares at the camera.

“Emperor Belos was a fool.” She scoffs, before sighing. “And yet every time I try to do anything without him I fail. It’s quite demoralizing.”

She steps onto the rim of the toilet, determinedly shaking her fist. “Well, no more! I am a brilliant witch and I will show the Boiling Isles what a real leader looks like...by winning this game entirely by my own power!”

With a crazed look in her eye, she starts cackling before slipping on the rim, falling and dunking her head in the dirty water of the bowl.

“Ack! Curses!”

§§§§

“There really are eyes everywhere…” Kenji strokes his chin, leaning forward to examine one of the eyeballs in one of the holes in the wall.

Then, gritting his teeth, he lets out a yell. “AHHH! I thought I could escape it by being on a TV show, but so many eyes! And I failed to take into account that many women watch TV too…”

Turning to the camera, he flattens down his hair nervously. “This is bad, this is baaad! I gotta win the money quick and get out of here! But not before linking up with my good fellow Japanese friend; we gotta form a united front, quick!”

§§§§

“Hiyah!” Tenko makes a chopping motion in the air with her hand. “This place is great! Many martial arts dedicate themselves intense training out in nature. Neo-Aikido is a bit more flexible than that, but I’ve already seen some perfect waterfalls to practice underneath!”

She brings both of her hands into fists in front of her and looks at the camera, determined. “Neo-Aikido is also all about keeping your eyes on the prize! I’m ready for whatever that monster sends at us starting tomorrow!”

§§§§

Tohru leans against the closed door of the confessional and sighs. “Susie has been talking my ear since we got put on the same team. It’s totally weird; she started off very candid and then was all shy and stuff and now she just won’t leave me alone!”

Tohru’s arm raises towards her chin, showing her to be slightly pensive. “I mean, even though she seems like a totally normal girl when we’re chatting...I can’t shake the fact that she’s supposedly some kind of serial killer. It, like, just doesn’t add up!!”

She shakes her head, clapping both of her cheeks with her hands. “N-no! I have so many people back home depending on me to win! No matter how off-putting Susie is, I have to focus on the game!”

§§§§

Iselda sits cross-legged on the toilet seat, looking around at the confessional with fearless curiosity and interest.

“I admit, out of everybody else here, I am the most out of my element.” She admits candidly, before excitedly grabbing hold of her chest, her large dark eyes sparkling. “I haven’t been out of my element in years! We have barely started and already I have met with creatures no bug has ever met before!”

She chuckles softly. “I couldn’t let my husband have all the fun and danger! This competition is my adventure to win!”

§§§§

“Have I watched a season of interdimensional Total Drama before?” █████ asks rhetorically. “Now despite my candidness so far, that is classified. I doubt it’ll be as good as the hands-on research I’m conducting right now!”

He smirks and waves a hand dismissively. “Is what I would say, but I’m on paid time off right now. I don’t have to worry about research at all! This show is basically my vacation! And it’s probably getting picked up by my colleagues back home too, so I get to rub in their faces the fact that I’m not working right now!”

He points at the screen and cackles mockingly. “Take that, Sophia! I’m at a summer camp with a sexy catgirl and you’re caught up in paperwork! Hahaha!”

§§§§

Kazuma was staring a hole into the ground with bloodshot and tired eyes, counting on his fingers and muttering, “280...290...300...ish...that would make it around 300 million yen…”

He lays back against the wall to look at the ceiling and sighed loudly. “Sadly…that is worth it.”

§§§§

Girlfriend is laying down on her giant speakers on her elbows with her feet up in the air behind her, ditzily smiling at the camera.

“Bleep! Boop beep beep bap!” She cheerfully says, before sitting up and pumping a fist into the air. “Beep!”

§§§§

Crewmate’s visor fills up the entire frame as they rummage around the camera. “This won’t get out of here right? This won’t reveal my MANY secrets, right?!?”

After a few seconds the camera shakes as Crewmate screams, “OF WHICH I HAVE NONE!!!”

§§§§

Susie is staring at her pocket knife absentmindedly before noticing the camera and shoving it back in her pocket.

“O-oh...right! My thoughts! Tohru is super cool, I think we can be fast friends! I hear that this kind of competition is great for making friends!”

She looks down and shyly clasps her hands together. “I think I...maybe came into the game a bit too strong, but I haven’t talked to anybody other than my friends from back home in...years? Centuries? I wanted to make a good first impression but now that it’s setting in that I’m actually away from-” she shudders, genuinely terrified for a second. “-I-It, I’m starting to get cold feet.”

She shakes her masked head and perks up. “B-but Tohru is awesome! And she’s friendly to everyone! If I stick with her, I’ll have like a bazillion friends by the time this show is over!”

§§§§

Hawkeye takes a deep breath, pressing the bridge of his nose tightly, before composing himself.

“Look, I get it. This is fucking crazy. This show is fucking crazy!” He shrugs. “But, now that I’ve gotten past the weirdness, I think I’m able to handle it. I mean hey, I drank a Heineken with a Norse God. At least most of the people here are actually human, if a bit eccentric.”

With one more deep breathe, he stands up. “Yeah, I’m used to eccentric. Let’s do this!”

§§§§

“UWAWOAWWAWAA!!” Temmie bounces around the confessional as a yellow and blue blur. “CWOOT tEAM1¨!1!!! CuTTe EveryThang <3!! TeM exCITeD OwO >o< !!!1 WiLL Win 4 TEM Fl4kes!!!”

§§§§

Tabitha lounges back on the toilet seat, checking out her claws with a bored expression. “Alright, so this isn’t great. I can smell the loser virgin emanating from a lot of these guys and I don’t even want to jump their bones? Bollocks!”

She growls and sits up straight. “Looks like I’ll have to make this trip worthwhile by winning this thing...as soon as I understand how the game is supposed to work. Mister limp dick lab-coat was so fucking vague. Barf, what a pain!”

She blinks, her eyes wide. “Wow...I do feel better after complaining out loud in here!”, she adds, surprised, before frowning and grumbling. “Can’t believe that arse was right. These ‘confessionals’ aren’t half bad.”

§§§§

“I’d like to think of myself as a bit of an expert in terms of shows like this.” Jerry pointed to himself smugly. “Just watch, I’ll have a winning alliance controlling the game by episode 3. It’s all about getting into folks’ heads. Mark my words, this game is Jerry Smith’s game to win!”

§§§§

“Meesa ready to rumble, yeah!” Jar Jar karate chops the wall, punching a hole into the side of it, much to Jar Jar’s dismay.

“Oopsie! Meesa just-”, he scrambles to pull his stuck hand out of the hole, before stumbling backwards and punching another hole in the opposite side of the confessional with his head.

“Awoo…”, he sighs sadly.

§§§§

“Woah, talk about a draft…” Kiteman remarks at the two holes that are making the small confessional feel breezy. “And let me tell you, I know all about drafts. Updrafts, downdrafts, sidedrafts. All important facets of making the sky your domain!”

He tries to put on a confident smirk but just slumps down, sighing. “Look, the kite thing is all I have man. Every villain has a gimmick and mine just had to be kites, okay? Let me play to my strengths.”

§§§§

“Oh, I hope I’m able to pull my weight in the evil alliance I’ll be drafted into…” Karen ponders nervously. “I know that as a demon I’m a bit of a wild card, but hopefully we’ll still all be able to work together as a team!”

§§§§

“The great and powerful Trixie has recovered her bearings!”, Trixie proclaims while rooting through her hat. “In fact, they’re right...here!”

A puff of smoke emanates from her hat and, like a geiser, dozens of small metal ball bearings start popping out of the hat in the magician’s hooves as she smirks. Her smirk wavers after a few seconds before she frowns.

“That one kills at foal’s birthday parties…” she sighs. “Trixie has no idea what these ‘dollars’ would be in bits, but I...Trixie could really use that reward.”

Her hat stops emanating ball bearings and she places it on her head again before striking a confident pose. “Good thing that Trixie is as proficient in inter-personal politics as she is an adept mage! This game is already in the bag for the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

§§§§

“I watch a lot of daytime reality shows!” Gumshoe grins. “Mister Edgeworth yells at me to get back to work but I can tell he’s also invested in the storylines ‘cause he keeps asking about developments whenever he comes to dock my pay! All that to say, I’m feeling pretty confident in my chances to play this game properly!”

§§§§

“Hark, friends behind the screen!” Seahawk poses dramatically with one hand on his forehead and his foot propped up on the toilet seat. “For this game is already won for me! Instead of elucidating the enigmatic yet heroic recesses of my mind in these intimate moments between you and I, I shall instead regale you all with various tales of my glory and diligence for the sake of a robust and extensive B-roll that the editor may cut back to periodically.”

He clears his throat. “It all started the week after I had punched my first Horde tank with my bare hands until it exploded. I was seven at the time and-”

§§§§

“Have I been picking up everything that I can since I got here?” Rufus asks rhetorically, his hands stuffed into his pockets. “What are you a cop? Wait, I’m the one asking that...am I a cop? I guess technically if we’re counting clones, but he sucks anyways.” He points at his scruffy face and frowns. “He’s got a dumb ugly face, that guy.”

§§§§

With a cut of static, we’re back at the docks with only the Watcher and the Reds. The three interns in power armor are busy fixing the hole that Tenko had left in the dock during her entrance. That is to say, Simmons is fixing it while Sarge supervises and Grif pretends to help.

Seeming a bit disgruntled despite the lack of facial features, the figure of the Watcher turns to the camera. “Well then...I guess we’re off! I’ll be giving our contestants the night to settle in to their cabins. Hopefully in the next episode that will generate some healthy drama in preparation for tomorrow’s challenge.”

“Hey…” Simmons idly asks in between hammer stikes. “What should we do with our jeep?”

Grif waves a hand casually. “Eh, the episode’s almost over. It’ll be resolved off-screen.”

“Yeah, by us.” Simmons retorts. “Just because the camera cuts away doesn’t mean we don’t have to work.”

“Grif, stop tryin’ to be meta! Simmons, you could afford to be a bit more meta!” Sarge shouts. “We’ll just have Lopez take care of the jeep!”

“Lopez?!” Simmons looks up at Sarge. “You brought him? That’s great! Where is he?”

“I stuffed him in the glove compartment! Right next to my Bruce Springsteen CDs and Donut’s signed limited edition cassettes of Hamilton on Broadway!”

“You mean...he’s still in the jeep?!?”

The Reds look over at the still sinking, smoldering wreck of their team’s vehicle, with only the turret gun on the back still being above water.

“...welp.” Grif got up. “You two have fun with that. I have a mess hall to scout. I need to get a lay of the land before Sarge sets up his bear traps.”

As he walks off, the two remaining reds share a glance.

“...It’ll still be there tomorrow, right? Let’s take our time.”

“My thoughts exactly, sir.”

The Watcher sighs loudly and addresses the camera one more time.

“Will the Reds get their jeep back from the lake? Will our contestants make friends and foes by tomorrow to actually make this game interesting? Which team, the Pumas or the Warthogs, will win our very first challenge? And which contestant will get sent back home with nothing this early in the competition? Find out in the next episode of…”

They extend their arms out. “Total Drama: Multiverse of Nobodies!”

§§§§

The Cast and Crew of Total Drama: Multiverse of Nobodies

Wild Warthogs

Jar Jar Binks (Star Wars: The Prequel trilogy)

Dr. █████ ████ (SCP wiki)

Companion Cube (Portal series)

Iselda (Hollow Knight)

Tenko Chabashira (Danganronpa V3)

Susie Lavoie – “Legion” (Dead by Daylight)

Tohru Hagakure (My Hero Academia)

Jerry Smith (Rick and Morty)

Seahawk (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Tabitha Cheshire – Original Character (Monster Girl Encyclopedia)

Detective Dick Gumshoe (Ace Attorney series)

Pansy Pumas

Temmie (Undertale)

Girlfriend (Friday Night Funkin’)

Clint “Hawkeye” Barton (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Kenji Setou (Katawa Shoujo)

Kiteman (Harley Quinn)

Rufus (Deponia series)

Kazuma Setou (Konosuba)

Trixie (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Kikimora (The Owl House)

Karen Shirogane (Actually, I am…)

Crewmate? (Among Us)

The Crew

The Watcher - Host/Editor/Camerabeing/Executive Producer/Director

Bowman (Real Life) – Writer/Produc-...hey stop that!

Captain Dexter Grif (Red vs Blue) - Intern

Captain Richard “Dick” Simmons (Red vs Blue) - Intern

Colonel “Sarge” (Red vs Blue) – Intern/Cook

Lopez (Red vs Blue) – Intern