Chapter Text
Theo falls onto the ground, tripping over his own feet for the fourth time this rehearsal.
“Ya, Taeyang,” the choreographer loudly exclaims. Slowly growing frustrated as the rehearsal was supposed to end over an hour ago.
They only needed to get through the whole song once, but Theo keeps stumbling during the second verse. The members silently complain, shooting borderline harsh glances at the oldest. They’ve been in this stuffy practice room for 6 hours now as their new comeback UNIQUE, is quickly approaching. There is exactly a month left until they’re supposed to be on stage and have months worth of work, be perceived by millions. The pressure of comebacks are gut wrenching for Theo, he never wants to underperform or stick out negatively.
Theo extremely frustrated at himself, “I’m sorry.” Picking himself up off the floor, “Let's just go again.” He slightly rubs his left knee, falling onto it a few times too many.
An hour goes by before the choreographer wraps up their practice session, seeing as the whole group is now regressing due to exhaustion. The choreographer quickly leaves, clearly frustrated the group didn’t get to where they should be at. Their new comeback is in exactly one month from now, and yet they’re still learning the choreography for the title track. As the members collapse on the floor, Theo grows irritated at himself. He recognizes the familiar feeling of anxiety starting to grow in his chest. He quickly grabs his bag and walks out of the practice room to get air, not letting the others notice his growing vulnerability. He can’t help but doubt if this is the right profession for him, if he was even meant to be an idol. He hates feeling as if he’s dragging the group down, he never wanted to be a burden.
Theo has seen the posts on social media of people joking about how he hates to dance, which he really does. The posts that really bothers him however, are the comments about him being lazy or him not working hard enough. He’s aware that he has a very demanding job. The excruciating long schedules, vocal rehearsals, fan engagement, and filming extra content.. there’s not even enough time to even be lazy. Nights he can’t sleep, he can’t help but stay up wondering if they’re true.
Maybe I don’t work hard enough.
He tries to soothe himself to ease the only building anxiety; a skill he learned years ago in therapy. Theo has suffered from anxiety, even as a young kid. He often plays it off, as if it’s not as bad as it truly is. He never wants others to worry about him, leaving him to put up this facade. He reaches into his bag, grabbing a cigarette and his lighter. He’s never been much of a smoker, not until the past few years at least. He only smokes when it’s a really bad day, and today was definitely one of them. Jiung is the only one that knows this about him, sometimes even joining him. The two have occasionally found each other late at night outside the dorm building just trying to take the edge off. They have a silent agreement to not share with the others, both deciding to not acknowledge the others issue at hand.
He takes one last slow drag before putting it out. Grabbing a piece of gum from his bag, he goes back into the building to head to the practice room. Walking back to the practice space, he receives a slightly worried look from Keeho. He wouldn’t know would he? He attempts to give the leader a reassuring smile, but he must’ve failed as he’s now getting approached.
“Was everything okay today?” Keeho asks, as if he already knows the answer. It’s only them in the hallway, Theo knows that Keeho would be the last person to judge him, but he can’t help but put up that front.
“Yeah..” he breathes out deeper than he had wanted, “It was just a rough practice. I’ll be better tomorrow, don’t worry about me.”
Even more concerned, Keeho replies gently, “You know it’s okay to have bad days right? You can talk to the members, especially me.”
He knows that he could confide in Keeho, that he would understand. Keeho has dealt with so many hardships that he knows he would never have to go through. However, he doesn’t want to break, not in front of the leader.
“I promise I’m okay,” a lie that has been able to slip out way too easily the past few months. He has already been enough of a burden. He doesn’t want to put any emotional burdens on the leader specifically.
Keeho most likely not believing him, at least gets the hint that he won’t confess anything. He gives him one last smile before walking out the building to go home for the night. Theo walks back into the practice room, and sees some of the other members lingering on their phones against the wall or on the floor. As they leave one by one, Theo has plans to stay for a while. They don’t have a schedule until tomorrow afternoon, taking concept photos. He knows he should go back to the dorm, and get sleep to prevent his face from looking puffy during their shoot. But he needs to practice. He has to get it together before their next rehearsal, as he refuses to continue being the reason they stay behind.
He notices the look Soul gives him as he gets ready to leave for the night. He shoots Theo a look of confusion, as Theo is usually one of the first ones gone. He doesn’t comment on it, and heads home like the rest of the members. Once he knows none of the members are coming back, he gets to work. He connects his phone to the bluetooth speaker, and practices. He practices so much that he isn’t even truly hearing the music anymore. He makes sure to memorize up until the part they got to today. He knows he is a bit stiff in the movements, but he can finetune the details another day, also not wanting to make it obvious he practiced alone.
He practices until his knees are shooting in pain, his arms feel like jelly. He is so tired of dancing, he genuinely can’t stand it. The only thing keeping him going is his desire of no longer being a failure. He sits against the wall, practically drenched in sweat. He grabs his phone from the table as it’s been sitting near the speaker, seeing that it’s 3:30am.
Fuck, it’s getting really late.
Theo looks up from his phone, hearing movement outside the practice room. Believing that it’s most likely another idol or maybe even staff, he chooses to ignore it. If someone needed him, they would come get him. Deciding he should run it one more time before he leaves, he restarts their title track, and starts to run through the choreo once again.
Finally gaining some confidence with his movements, he hears the door fly open.
Intak.
Why the hell is Intak here?. It’s almost four in the morning.
“Hyung.. why are you here?” Intak questions. His face in slight disbelief, almost adding to the feeling that he has; that they don’t think he’s good enough. Theo immediately turns the music off, getting ready to pack his bag to leave. Intak is the last person he wanted to walk through those doors, his stomach churning at the sight of him staring through the large mirrors.
“I’m just practicing,” Theo flatly states, as if it was normal for him to be at the practice room this late. “What are you even doing here, it’s four in the morning?”
I know exactly what he’s doing here.
“I’m here to just mess with a solo. I couldn’t sleep,” Intak slightly laughs to himself. “Hyung, one bad rehearsal doesn’t mean you have to always overwork yourself, please go home?”
So he noticed and now he’s worried. He knew I was here.
Theo knows Intak said nothing negative towards him. But something about it always being Intak who’s here seeing him like this, just made him frustrated.
“Why would I want to go home Intak?” immediately being defensive towards the younger. “You saw how I fucked up today’s rehearsal, so of course I’m practicing, you know this about me.”
Intak wasn’t surprised by the older’s reaction. He knows how frustrated Theo gets during comeback preparations, especially this close to it. “What do you mean you messed up today’s rehearsal? You didn't do anything wrong, we’ve all had bad days,” he says slowly walking over to him.
Theo looks away, down at his feet. They stand in an uncomfortable silence. Theo starts to fidget with his shirt and Intak doesn’t know what to say. The thick silence makes Theo feel guilty. The two of them never sit in this type of silence, it's always gentle as if they don’t need to say anything.
“I just.. worry about you hyung,” Intak starts, putting a knife through the harsh tension.
Worry. There’s that word again.
Theo quietly chuckles. “I’m fine Intak, you don’t need to always worry about me,” he says defensively.
Intak knows he’s lying. He however, will never argue back. He accepts Theo’s boundaries, never pushing. However this is different, there’s a different feeling here. Intak reaches out grabbing Theo’s hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go to leave.
It’s always been like this for the two of them. Intak has always passionately cared for him, ever since their trainee days. When they were younger, Theo would shut himself out, especially after evaluations. Theo didn’t know this, but Intak would wait for him, making sure he was okay. He always wanted to be there for the oldest. During their debut showcase, right before going on, Intak squeezed his hand a singular time. He remembers feeling how natural the movement felt, as if it was a normal thing for the two of them. Over time however, it did become normal. Before every stage, he receives that same one gentle squeeze. He feels a space of security with him knowing that Intak would never judge him; that he would never push his boundaries.
They didn’t need to discuss this routine they have with each other. “It’s something small that doesn’t mean anything, just habit,” Theo always thinks to himself. They always had that silent connection. The other members knew that they were extremely close with one another. Always sharing laughs, late walks to the local convenience store together, and being slightly more physical with one another, were normal for the two. Nobody had any other thoughts about the two, it was as if they just found their person within each other.
It wasn’t until the preparations for their full length album that he broke for the first time in front of Intak. Theo had stayed up late rehearsing, knowing they had shooting for their music video the next day. He knew he should’ve gone home with the others, but he just couldn’t. He didn’t feel as if he was good enough yet. Somehow Intak had known he would stay. He waited in one of the studios outside of the practice room, just like during their trainee days. He needed to know that if Theo needed someone, he could be there.
Trying to keep himself from drifting off, Intak looks at his phone. Seeing that it’s almost 5am he starts to worry. How is he still rehearsing? This is ridiculous. Almost as if it was his intuition, he hears the music abruptly cut off, and the practice door slamming. Without any hesitation, Intak jumps out of his chair, knowing something is wrong. He flings the studio door open only to find Theo standing there, tears about to spill out his eyes.
Fear in his eyes, “Intak.. w-what are you doing here?” he can barely shake out.
“You never went home,” Intak says gently, trying to evaluate the situation as he’s never seen the older look this vulnerable.
A single tear falls onto Theo’s face, “I don’t know if I can do this Intak.”
“Yes.. yes you can hyung. You are here for a reason, please do not give up on this,” Intak says, shaking his head. He can’t stand seeing his best friend, his person, like this. He never understood why he feels so strongly towards Theo. It’s not romantic, as far as he’s aware. Their relationship however, carries a bond that he genuinely hasn’t felt with anyone else.
Needless to say, the two of them sat in the practice room for a few hours that morning. Intak holding him as the other finally slept until they had to get ready for their schedules. They didn’t talk about the situation, but it had left an impact on their relationship. Somehow building their bond stronger, both silently vowing to always take care of one another.
Theo gulps, immediately recognizing that blanket of security. He doesn’t know why he remembers these feelings every time. Why Intak is the only one that makes him feel safe, especially since he is just as close with the other members. He questions what makes Intak so different, as he watches him walk away.
“Intak,” he calls out gently. “What if I can’t do it?” he asks ashamed. Remembering how the other took care of him the last time he felt like this. The extremely familiar feeling of being a burden begins to rise. Intak is always helping him and he barely has the opportunity to return the favor.
“Let me help you Taeyang,” Intak walking back over to Theo. “Please.. just let me help you,” he practically begs. His eyes desperate as he hates seeing him in this state.
Theo runs his hand through his hair, “Okay.” He takes a deep breath before continuing, making sure he doesn’t regret what he’s about to say, “Please help me Intak. I need your help.”
He immediately feels the biggest weight lift off of his chest as Intak gives him the biggest smile. The way Intak is looking at him is borderline annoying, but it’s not laced in overconfidence or smugness. Intak is looking at him as if he just did something incredible, as if he’s proud. The way he’s being looked at makes his chest feel tight.
Intak goes to place his bag down next to Theo’s, clearly ready to stay for a while. “I know you feel frustrated about the new choreo. What part are you stuck on?” he asks.
Theo explains the parts that he struggled with in practice, and how he just can’t get the complex footwork right. He also mentions that he can’t get the formations of the dance break down either. He usually doesn’t have a problem keeping up, he’s actually not even a bad dancer at all. Because he knows this, it only frustrates him more when he can’t do the choreography. Him not being able to keep up this comeback season only draws attention to him because all of the members know that he performs well. He wants to be more confident in his skills, wanting to not have to be anxious every time they start learning new choreography and wonder if he will be able to keep up. As always, Intak seems to read his mind.
“What if we practiced together.. alone,” Intak says in almost a whisper, as if he was nervous. Theo quietly laughing at the way he said “alone.”
Intak starting to ramble, “We can practice for like.. an hour every day, later at night, but we also don’t have to if that makes you uncomfortable. I know you don’t like to dance as much as I do, so you may not want to, but it could be good for you to let me help you since I helped make the choreography. I can mentor.. not mentor, but guide you. Not that you need a lot of guidance because I think your dancing is fine.. no not fine.. great actually, but only to help strengthen basic dancing skills that would benefit you when learning group choreography.” Trying to catch his breath, Intak slowly adds on, “I.. I also just miss hanging out with you hyung.”
Theo tries to not feel bad after hearing the younger wanting to help; trying to remind himself it’s not burdening if he offers. He thinks to himself that it may be a good thing.
I mean Intak does help with the choreography. I guess I also wouldn’t mind spending some extra time with him.
“We can practice everyday,” Theo says as he watches Intak look up, most likely not expecting the older to agree. “However, I do not want the other members to know. I do not want any sympathy from them or for them to look at me any different,” Theo finishes with his mind made up.
“You know they wouldn’t judge you.. right?” Intak cautiously says.
“I just want this to be something between us.. for now,” Theo says while fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “I already feel bad that you’re going to do this for me, so I don’t want to get any of the other members involved,” he firmly adds.
“We can do that,” Intak replies nodding his head, understanding what the older means. “I really just want for you to feel confident again.”
Those words stick with Theo. He knows out of anyone, Intak would be the one to do this for him. Thinking back through the years, they have always been each other's support systems and he wouldn’t change that either. Intak understands him differently than the others, and he feels he can be the same for Intak. He smiles at the caring words knowing that with his help, he can improve enough to feel confident by the time the new album comes out. Theo also knows that Intak is just too stubborn enough to leave him to do this alone, especially now. He wasn’t sure if the younger knew that his efforts didn’t go unnoticed by the older. He always caught the extra glances and the way he would linger around, especially after the first breakdown. After that day, he noticed the younger waiting for him. After shoots, rehearsals, recording sessions, no matter how late they ran, Intak would wait secretly. He knew he was safe with Intak, and that he could be vulnerable.
Sitting across from one another, they decide to come up with a plan of when they will meet, and how long they will practice for. The two decide to meet, once a day for no more than two hours, not wanting to become overworked. If they have a schedule early in the morning, they will come back to practice late at night. If they had a late schedule, they would have a shorter practice in the morning. Intak wants to start helping him with basic techniques that honestly, Theo wasn’t looking forward to. He knew it was necessary if he wanted to become more consistent in his dancing, but man he really didn’t want to.
After formulating their plan, they notice that it’s almost 5am. They feel that it’s almost 5am, knowing they will both most likely be scolded for not getting enough sleep before this shoot later that afternoon. They also planned their first practice to be a few hours after their schedule today, most likely going to regret that decision later. They decide to head back to the dorms as they don’t need to be back for quite a few hours to try and get some rest.
The drive back to the dorms is quiet, but comfortable. Not knowing exactly how Intak got to the company building or if he even left, Theo offers to take him back to the dorm complex. Of course Intak accepts, smiling brightly at the older. While driving back, Theo sneaks a glance at Intak, the street lights reflecting off his face. He looks peaceful. Theo can tell he isn’t asleep, as Intak starts shifting in the seat. Theo immediately snaps his head back to the road as they continue the silence the rest of the way home .
They arrive back at their complex, both exhausted and ready to sleep the day off. Before they split into their separate dorms, Intak gives Theo a small smile.
“Goodnight,” he says quietly.
Theo returns the smile. “Thank you Intak.. goodnight,” he says before opening the door and slipping inside the dorm quietly.
Immediately getting ready for bed, Theo takes a quick shower, trying to be as quiet as possible not wanting to wake the two others. After finding the most comfortable pajamas he can find, he slides into bed. As soon as his head hits the pillow, both the mental and physical exhaustion hits him. He starts drifting off before hearing his phone buzz, getting his attention. Picking it up, he sees a message from Intak.
“Please rest. We start tomorrow.”
He stares at the message, his chest feeling slightly warm. It’s not just a random schedule that they have planned tomorrow. It’s something the two of them get to share together. He quickly replies, “You too.” He puts his phone down as sleep starts to overtake him. He notices his phone light up as Intak left a heart on his message, before drifting off to sleep.