Archive of Our Own

Kypos, a handsome, tuxedo-clad singer, is midway through a saloon song, emblematic of the late fifties and sixties. The audience is filled with well-dressed men and women, all of them looking like they came right out of a 1962 rat-pack concert. "♪ ... so find yourself somebody. Get yourself somebody. You're nobody 'till somebody loves you... ♪" In the back of the lounge is a bar, where Corn, Barrett, Bean, Hayley, Lemonic and Passa are standing in their uniforms. Everyone seems to appreciate the music, but Bean and Lemonic are the most enthusiastic.

"♪ ... You're nobody 'till somebody cares. Now you may be king, you may possess the world and its gold. Gold won't bring you happiness when you're growing old. Now the world is still the same, you'll never change it... As sure as the stars shine above. You're nobody 'till somebody loves you... ♪"

Barrett takes a glance at the Constable, who's lightly nodding his head to the music. He can't help but smile. "♪ So find yourself somebody... Get yourself somebody. Find yourself somebody~ Somebody to love... ♪" Kypos finishes the song with a round of applause. He bows. "♪ Thank you! Hey, it's been four hundred years but that little number still works for me. ♪" This gets a laugh from the crowd.

Bean stands, ":3 isn't he terrific?"

"I prefer Klingon opera.."

":3 c'mon, i'll introduce you!"

"To a hologram ?"

"}} Uh, Doctor, is this really necessary?" Bean hums, determined. ":3 trust me. he's no ordinary hologram." Then he weaves his way past the tables, as the others reluctantly fall in behind him. ":3 kyp! you're terrific." He and Kypos shake hands, "♪ Thanks, Doc. ♪" Kypos looks at the others, proudly, "♪ I know what you're thinking -- he has pretty sweet pipes for a lightbulb. ♪"

"Lightbulb..?"

"♪ That's what I am, right? A collection of photons and forcefields... you know, your basic heuristic, fully interactive hologram. ♪" Hayley glances at Bean, "He knows he's a hologram?" Bean shrugs. ":3 felix designed him that way. he thought it gave him an attitude that was appropriate for the era." Kypos neatly fixed his jacket, "♪ If you're going to work Vegas in the sixties, you better know the score. Otherwise, you'll look like a Clyde. ♪"

"A Clyde ?"

"♪ You know, a Harvey. ♪"

"Harvey??"

Kypos frowns. Don't these people get it... "♪ A square -- you know what a square is, right? ♪"

"It's one side of a cube."

He gives up. "♪ I guess that answers my question. ♪" Then he decides it's best to just get past this moment and move on. "♪ Where are your manners, Aiio? Aren't you going to introduce me to your entourage? ♪" Bean's ears perk, ":/ oh! sorry. commanders lemonic and passa, this is kypos." Lemonic smiles and reaches out to shake Kypos' hand. "♪ How long have you kids been married? ♪"

"How did you know we were married??"

Kypos shrugs, "♪ When you sing in as many joints as I have, you become a student of the Humon heart. ♪" Then he looks at Hayley. "♪ Don't beat yourself up, pallie -- just because you miss your spouse, doesn't mean you've gone blind. ♪"

Hayley looks at Kypos with a slightly embarrassed surprise. "What's that s'posed to mean?"

"♪ It means there's a lot of very attractive men and women in the room, and it's all right to look at them -- as long as you don't touch. ♪" She gives a nervous chuckle. "He's good." Kypos then focuses his attention on Corn and Barrett. "♪ And as for you two... ♪" As he studies them, both Corn and Barrett shift uncomfortably under his gaze.

"}} Yes?"

But whatever is it Kypos sees, he suddenly decides not to share it with the others. "♪ Never mind. Forget I brought it up. ♪" He turns back to Bean, "♪ So, you have time for another song? ♪"

":/ oh, no no. not really. we've got to..." And, the would-be hipster, ":3 ... split. catch you later, kyp."

"♪ Well, you know where to find me. ♪" As they turn to go, Kypos calls out-- "♪ By the way, this is a high-class joint. That means coat and ties for the gents, dresses for the ladies. ♪" He eyes the groups outfits... "♪ You guys look like a trapeze act. ♪"

They laugh. ";3c catch you later, baby."

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The gang comes down the stairs from the Holosuites, into the bar. Bean, holding an isolinear rod, is more than pleased with himself. "C'mon, Aiio -- you must've told him about Akam."

":3 i never said a word." He then says to the others enthusiastically, ":3 why don't we meet here tomorrow night at twenty one hundred? we can listen to kyp's whole set, then hit the casinos, play a little blackjack, roulette..."

"We'll be therre." Lemonic says, then looks at Passa. "RRight?" He hesitates, but nods. "I still prefer Klingon opera.." Bean gives Barrett a glance, and he raises his hands, "Count me out . I'm leaving for Bajor in the morning ."

"Oh, that's rright! I forrgot. Say hi to Shakaarr forr me." The mention of Shakaar gets everyone's attention, especially Corn's. Barrett shoots Lemonic a look. "Sorrrry... Prretend you didn't hearr that. He doesn't want anyone to know he's visiting the Firrst Ministerr."

":3 business or pleasure?" Barrett shakes his head, "You see what you started ?" Then he walks away from the group. Lemonic gives them all a sheepish expression, "I said I was sorrrry..." And then he and Passa walk away as well. Corn watches Barrett exit the bar. The thought of him going back to Shakaar leaves him feeling miserable. But neither Bean nor Hayley are aware of his pain. ":3 so, what did you think?"

"About what?"

":3 about kypos! clever, isn't he?"

"Too clever." Bean holds up the isolinear rod, ":3 i tell you, hayley, i owe this man. if it wasn't for kyp, i wouldn't be dating ensign walker." Hayley looks skeptical. "What're you talkin' about?"

":/ she turned down three dinner invitations. i talked to kyp, he gave me some... pointers. and voila." She shakes her head... "Aiio, are you tellin' me you discussed your love life with a hologram??"

":/ he's not an ordinary hologram, hayley. he knows about life, love, women..." Hayley smiles, "Three things you know nothin' about." Bean takes umbrage. ">:/ now that's unfair." Bean and Hayley walk over to the bar where Bean hands the isolinear rod to a Stolline waiter. "Then why are you askin' for advice from a lightbulb?" After that, they walk out the door.

Corn ponders his friend's words... Right now, he could use some advice himself. Even if it is from a lightbulb.

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Harfield stands in front of Corn's desk, the Constable brooding in his chair. "I don't know why you're $o $urpri$ed -- what did you expect wa$ going to happen?"

"}} I wasn't expecting anything."

Harfield nods. "I $ee... How long ha$ it been $ince the Major and $hakaar broke up?"

"}} I don't know... about a year."

"It'$ been over a year! You've had plenty of time to..." He pauses to search for the right words. "... arrange a merger with Barrett. But in all that time, have you even tried to open negotiation$? No."

Corn frowns, and says half to himself, "}} It's not that simple."

"Corn, the man waited a year for you to make an offer -- any kind of an offer. Face it, you had plenty of opportunie$ and you let them all $lip away!" This gets the Constable irritated now. "}} Who asked your opinion?" Harfield gives an incensed look. "You did. I came here to talk about a mi$$ing $hipment of groat clu$ter$. You're the one that $tarted talking about the Major."

Corn picks up a PADD, pretending to read. "You want my advice?"

"}} No." He gives it anyway... "Make it ea$y on both of u$ and forget all about him." Corn scoffs. "}} Is that the best you can do?"

"I'd like to $ee $omeone do better."

"}} So would I." Harfield huffs and moves to where Corn was seated, turning his chair around. "You're not exactly the mo$t... lovable being in the galaxy. You're not even the mo$t lovable being in thi$ $ector. Or on thi$ $tation. Or even in thi$ room." He paused, and Corn chuckled. "You're cold, remote, rigid..." He becomes suddenly friendly. "Can I go now?"

A chastened Corn nods his head. "}} Please do." Harfield turns to go; Corn reaches a decision about something. "}} Wait."

"Corn. Make up your mind." He lets out a heavy sigh, "}} I need a favour from you." This request is gonna cost him... "}} It's about Doctor Bean's new holosuite program..."

⚬──────────✧──────────⚬

Just AwkSil and the light-night crowd in Harf's... Even Harfield looks tired and ready to pack it in. Bean enters, and making a beeline for Harfield behind the bar. "You're up late, Doctor."

":/ i couldn't sleep. i'm feeling a little tense, actually..."

"I've got ju$t the thing -- one warp core break, coming right up." He reaches behind the bar and takes out an enormous glass goblet and begins pouring various liquors into the 'bowl'. "Couple of $ip$ of thi$ and you'll be relaxed for the next three day$."

Bean reacts to the size of the goblet. ":/ i'm not that tense, harf. look, i think i'll pop up to the holosuites for a bit and, uh--" Harfield jolts, ears perking in alarm. "The holo$uite$?" 

":/ that's right. if you could just hand over my new program..."

"Uh. $orry, Doctor, all the holo$uite$ are in u$e." Harfield mutters, thinking on his feet. ":! at this hour??" What can he say. "It'$ been that kind of night." Bean doesn't bother to hide his disappointment. "I'm afraid there won't be one available for the re$t of thi$ evening."

":c that's unfortunate. oh well..." He turns to leave. ":! maybe i'll wake up hayley-- see if she wants to play some tongo." Once Bean is gone, Harfield sighs in relief. Though he has no qualms about lying, he's never enjoyed lying on someone else's behalf...

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Corn and Kypos are seated at a table near the stage. Nobody else is in the lounge and the chairs have been turned over onto the tables. Kypos has taken his tuxedo jacket off and hung it over his chair. He's sipping a drink. Corn looks very uncomfortable; he can't help feeling that maybe it was a mistake to come here.

"♪ I remember back in... must've been fifty eight, I was playing the Sands. One night, Frank and Dean dropped by and we ended up taking over one of the blackjack tables. Between the three of us, we must've dropped fifteen big ones -- and believe me, back then that wasn't chump change. So, Frankie goes over to the pit boss, what was his name-- ♪"

Corn interrupts, "}} Look, Mister."

"♪ Kypos. ♪" He corrects.

"}} Kypos. These are all very interesting stories, but I didn't come here to reminisce about your past... Yesterday, when my friends and I were here... you seemed to know things."

Kypos gave him a modest look. "♪ I've been around the block a couple of times. ♪"

"}} I mean- specific things. For instance, you knew that Rue and Passa were married and that the Chief missed her spouse."

"♪ You don't have to be an Einstein to clue into any of that. ♪"

Corn questions him... then continues, "}} At one point, you were going to make an observation about... Major Barrett and myself."

"♪ I thought about it... But I didn't want to embarrass anyone -- you know, give away any secrets. ♪"

He zeroes in on this; that's why he's here. "}} Exactly what 'secrets' are you talking about?"

"♪ C'mon... do I really have to connect the dots? You're crazy about the guy. But you're afraid to do anything about it. And he... well, you know. ♪"

"}} Go on." Kypos takes a drink, and gives Corn a.. look. "♪ It's the oldest story in the book. He thinks of you as a friend. ♪" Corn shakes his head at what he considers a painful truth. "}} I wouldn't call that a secret." He says gruffly, giving a rueful laugh. "♪ But guys like him have been known to change their minds. You just have to give them a reason. ♪"

Corn has pulled a cocktail umbrella from the cup on the counter, fiddling with it. "}} You make it sound so easy." Kypos shrugs, "♪ That's because it's not that hard. The guy already likes you. That means you're halfway home. ♪"

"}} Well... he's aware of my feelings toward him, but the truth it-- he prefers Shakaar."

"♪ Who? ♪"

"}} The First Minister of Bajor. A leader, a hero, a man with great charisma..." Kypos gives a laugh. "♪ I don't care if he's JFK. It's not the other guy you have to worry about -- it's you. ♪" Corn sets down the umbrella. "}} Me?"

"♪ That's right. For starters -- you've got to lose this whole Nanook of the North thing. ♪" Corn looks at him in confusion. "}} I... I-I don't understand." Kypos leans forward to pat Corn's shoulders. "♪ I mean, you've got about as much personality as an icicle. Cool is one thing, but you're frozen solid. ♪"

"}} You think I have no emotions?" He's a little pained by this... "}} Oh, believe me, I do. I just don't always show them."

"♪ And therein lies the problem. ♪" Kypos gets up and puts on his tuxedo jacket. "♪ Come with me. ♪" Corn moves to get up as well, then pauses. "}} Where to?"

"♪ Look, pallie, if you want to win the man, we gotta thaw you out a little bit. Turn up the heat -- get those 'emotions' you claim to have bubbling to the surface. It's time to have some fun. ♪" He tilts his head, "}} What does fun have to do with Major Barrett?" Kypos winces. "♪ I'll pretend I didn't hear that. ♪" He looks Corn over with a critical eye. "♪ First, let's lose those threads. There's nothing like a tuxedo to make you feel like a million bucks. ♪"

"}} You mean something like this--" Corn morphs his uniform into a tuxedo. He looks quite dapper. Kypos takes the morph in stride. "♪ Very sharp. ♪" He then gestures toward the stage, "♪ After you. ♪"

Corn hesitates at that. "}} Oh, uh. I don't sing."

"♪ Glad to hear it. I don't need the competition. ♪" He indicated the piano... "♪ What I do need is someone to handle the black and whites. My pianist just threw ten sevens in a row at the craps table and took off for Reno. So, take a seat, my friend, the crowd's getting restless. ♪" Corn takes a seat at the piano, hands hovering over the keys. "}} ... What crowd?"

Kypos points out, "♪ That one. ♪" Corn looks to see the tables, which are no longer empty, but rather, filled with a Vegas crowd, restlessly waiting to be entertained. Kypos nods his head to the Constable then steps into the spotlight. "♪ Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Kypos. ♪" The crowd roars. "♪ Tonight's going to be a gas... Hit it, Nanook. ♪"

Corn is bewildered and nervous. "}} No, I- I don't play the piano."

"♪ You wanna bet? ♪" He puts his hands on the keyboard and the piano starts playing a tune. Corn immediately takes his hands off the piano, which keeps playing without him. "♪ Stay with me, pallie. ♪"

"}} Well, you don't need me... The piano's doing all the work."

"♪ That's not the point. You've got to sell it. Style, baby, style. Make 'em believe. ♪" And as Kypos goes into the song, the crowd claps with appreciation. Corn reluctantly puts his hands on the keyboard and pretends to play... "♪ Come fly with me. Come fly, let's fly away. If you can use some exotic booze, there's a bar in far Bombay... Come fly, let's fly away. ♪"

Kypos moves to the piano, giving Corn a 'ain't-this-the-life' kinda smile. Corn manages a half smile in return. "♪ Come fly with me, let's take off to Peru... In Llama land, there's a one-man band and he'll toot his flute for you. Come fly with me, let's take off in the blue... ♪"

As the song progresses, Corn's confidence grows...

"♪ Once I get you up there, where the air is rarefied, we'll just glide. Starry-eyed... Once I get you up there, I'll be holding you so near. You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together... Weather-wise it's such a lovely day. You just say the words and we'll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay. It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say... ♪"

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And now, in Kypos' hotel suite... This isn't the ostentatious, gaudy, glitzy Vegas of the seventies and eighties. This is the cool, hipster Vegas of the rat-pack. Clean lines, laid-back, simple elegance and not much jewellery on a guy, unless his first name is Sammy.

Kypos is over by a wet bar, pouring a couple of drinks. Corn is on a stool, still wearing his tuxedo. He is still enjoying the afterglow of a successful performance. Kypos offers Corn one of the drinks. "♪ Bottoms up. ♪"

"}} Oh. I don't drink."

"♪ Why am I not surprised?... It's not real booze. You're in a holosuite, remember? ♪" Corn takes the drink from him. "♪ So, how'd you like being in the spotlight? ♪"

"}} It was very bright."

"♪ That's all you've got to say? ♪" Corn shrugs. "}} The lights kept me from seeing the audience. I suppose that's why I wasn't nervous."

"♪ Nothing to be nervous about! You were too busy having fun. ♪"

"}} I suppose I was." Corn can't help smiling at the memory of being onstage. "}} I'm just grateful none of my friends saw me." Kypos shakes his head in despair. "♪ There you go, tensing up again. I mean look at you, standing there like a statue. The only things you're going to attract are pigeons. ♪" Then he smiles. "♪ Now sit down, relax, and take a couple of deep breaths. Do that, and everything you want will come to you. ♪"

Corn doesn't buy it. "}} That's all it takes?"

"♪ Try it. ♪" And off his hesitation... "♪ Go on. ♪" A reluctant Corn tries to sit back and relax. Coaching him along, Kypos takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. Corn does likewise. As soon as he does, the doorbell rings. "♪ See. ♪"

"}} Are you expecting someone?" Kypos gives a playful look. "♪ Let's find out. ♪" He goes to the door and opens it to reveal two attractive Vegas showgirls dressed for a night on the town... "Surprise!" Says the blonde. And with a mock surprise, "♪ For crying out loud, what are you two lovely ladies doing here? ♪"

"You invited us, remember?" Says the brunette. "♪ Oh, that's right! Come one in.- Corn, we've got company. ♪" Kypos is about to make introductions, but Ginger, the blonde, recognises Corn immediately. "Look -- it's the piano player. We saw you perform tonight. Melissa thinks you're adorable."

Melissa goes up to Corn, "Would you mind if I looked at your hands?" Corn looks to Kypos for support. He shrugs. Feeling a bit foolish, Corn holds out his hands like a schoolboy. "I knew it. They're so artistic."

"You know, I once played on the same bill with Liberace. He has the sweetest dimples."

"Are you classically trained?" Corn hesitates, "}} Actually..." He is about to tell them the truth -- that he can't really play the piano -- but one look at a disapproving Kypos changes his mind. "}} ... Kypos taught me everything I know."

"Is he a good student?" Melissa asks, and Kypos nods. "♪ Head of his class. ♪" Then Melissa turns back to Corn, "Maybe I can help you get your diploma." Corn looks over to Kypos for guidance... Kypos claps his hands together. "♪ All right, ladies. The night is young and I have a table waiting for us at the Dunes. ♪" Ginger gets excited. "We're going to see Shecky?"

"}} Shecky who?"

"You didn't tell me he had a sense of humour."

"He plays the piano and he's funny. Kinda like Victor Borge."

"}} Who??"

"I think I'm in love." Melissa says, deadpan serious. Kypos holds open the door. "♪ After you, ladies. ♪" Ginger and Melissa exit. Corn turns to Kypos. "}} I don't think --" Kypos interrupts, "♪ What are you worried about? Melissa's a very nice girl. ♪" Corn frowns. "}} I'm sure she is. It's just... she's not Barrett." Kypos sighs. He's a tough case. "♪ Tell me something, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? ♪"

"}} I have no idea."

"♪ Practice, practice, practice. Get it? ♪"

"}} No."

"♪ Think of this evening as a trial run. Trust me, you're going to do great. ♪" He pats Corn on the back and steers him towards the door. As he does, Kypos looks up, pleading for divine help...

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Sickly is seated at her desk, as Corn enters and hands her a PADD. "}} Captain. Here's the report on that smuggling ring you requested. Do you want me to inform the Zevian authorities?"

"I'll let you know in a minute." She takes the PADD and begins reading it. Corn stands there patiently watching as Sickly skims over the report. After a long moment, Corn begins softly humming a tune... The humming quickly escalates into singing, though he's completely unaware of what he's doing. "}} ... No, no, they can't take that away from me."

Sickly slowly looks up at Corn, who continues singing to himself. "}} ... the way your smile just beams --" He becomes aware that the Captain is staring at him -- though he's still unaware he was singing. "}} Yes, Captain?"

"Oh, don't S*top on my account."

"}} Stop what?"

"You were S*inging."

"}} I was singing?" She nods, throwing the lyrics back at him. "No, no, they can't take that away from me..." Corn thinks about it for a moment; then it dawns on him. He's surprised at himself. "}} You're right. I was singing." Sickly smiles and returns her attention to her reading.

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Lemonic is waiting by the turbolift of the habitat ring corridor. The doors open to reveal Bean. "Aiio." He steps into the turbolift, taking a place next to Bean. ":3 good morning."

"Ops." Lemonic says to the computer, then to Bean, "I wonderr... should you ask Barrrrett about Shakaarr orr should I?"

":/ you can do the honours, but you'll have to wait. the major's staying on bajor for two more days." Lemonic smiles. "He and Shakarr must be having a good time."

":3 that would be my guess." After a moment, Lemonic loses his smile. "Poorr Corrn."

":? corn? what's he got to do with it?"

"Not a thing... That's the problem."

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Corn is at the piano, and the audience is applauding. "♪ Thank you, thank you for that kind applause. Keep clapping. There's a fly buzzing the room and one of you is bound to nail him. ♪" Kypos turns to Corn, fixing his tie as he gives him a friendly wink. But Corn has something else on his mind. "♪ Why the long face, buddy boy? ♪"

"}} You still haven't told me what I'm supposed to do about Barrett and Shakaar."

"♪ Shakaar? Forget about that fink -- I'll bet he doesn't look half as good in a tux as you do. ♪"

Corn gave a weak chuckle. "}} What difference does that make?"

"♪ You've been coming here every night for a week. Have I steered you wrong? ♪"

"}} No."

"♪ Then trust your uncle Kypos. ♪"

Before Corn can say another word, Kypos turns back to the crowd. "♪ Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special surprise for you tonight. If this fox doesn't raise your temperature, you'd better check the obituary column, because chances are, you're in it, pallie. Let's have a nice warm round of applause for Mister Lawrence Crawford. ♪"

Suddenly the house lights go black.

A spotlight cuts through the dark, silhouetting the shapely back of a sexy chanteur in a deep red dress, showing off the Bajoran markings on his arms. As the music flares, the singer turns to face the light... His name might be Lawrence Crawford, but his face is a dead ringer for Barrett Fowler. His hair is a little more red than the 'real' Barrett, styled neatly, and he's without his eyepatch, blind eye glistening. He launches into the torchy ballad 'Fever'...

Corn is mesmerised by the sight. Kypos steps up beside him. "♪ Remind you of anyone? ♪"

Lawrence prowls around the stage, seducing the audience with his song. Corn continues playing, but his eyes never leave Lawrence... He makes his way across the stage to the Constable, singing the rest of the ballad directly to him. And though he is playing to the audience, the way he drapes himself around Corn, slinking into his lap, suggests that there's definitely some chemistry between them...

As the song ends, Lawrence runs an appreciative palm over Corn's cheek, then slips away downstage, to take a bow.

Kypos steps out of the shadows and leans on the piano to talk to Corn. "♪ Don't look now, but I think he likes you. ♪"

Corn nods, hardly in a mood to argue. And at that very moment, Lawrence looks back at him and smiles, almost as if to validate Kypos' assertion.

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Kypos is pouring a bottle of champagne over three glasses stacked on top of one another to form a kind of cascading fountain.

"♪ A toast. ♪"

He, Corn and Lawrence take a glance.

"♪ As Georgie Jessel once said, 'To whatever makes you happy'. ♪"

"My thoughts exactly ." Lawrence said to Corn.

They clink glasses and sip the bubbly. Kypos yawns and runs his fingers through his hair. "♪ I think I'll turn in. You two lovebirds can live without me, I trust? ♪"

"We'll manage ."

He nods, then exits.

Lawrence sips his drink and gives Corn a very friendly smile.

"}} You have a beautiful voice."

"And you have nice hands ."

Corn holds up his hands to look at them, surprised to hear the same compliment again. "}} So I've been told."

Lawrence takes Corn's hands and places them around his body. "They feel good , too . . ."

They gaze into each other's eyes...

"}} So do you." He pauses. "}} I've been waiting to hold you like this for as long as I can remember."

"But we just met tonight ."

"}} I must have a short memory."

"You're funny ." He says, dry, but appreciative.

"}} Kind of like Victor Borge?"

"How'd you know ?"

Corn offers only a smile. Lawrence smiles back and leans in to kiss him. But just as their lips are about to touch, Corn breaks away. "}} I can't do this..."

"Why not ?"

"}} I'm sorry, it has nothing to do with you. Kypos!"

Kypos emerges from the next room. "♪ What's wrong? ♪"

"}} This isn't working."

"♪ I thought you two were getting along just fine. ♪"

"}} Of course we are. You've programmed him to find me irresistible. If I read him a criminal activities report, he'd think it was poetry."

"♪ You want me to reprogram him -- make him play hard to get? ♪"

Corn shakes his head. "}} He's nothing like Barrett."

"Who's Barrett ?"

"♪ Of course he's not Barrett -- he's a hologram. ♪"

"A what ?" Lawrence asked, indignant.

"♪ Doll, please. Stay out of this... Do you know how difficult it was for me to get a holographic image of Major Barrett? Lucky for you, Aiio used his image in one of his spy programs -- though it did take me an hour to get rid of the Russian accent. ♪"

"}} I appreciate all you've done for me. But I'm afraid it's all been in vain. I may be a Romeo in the holosuite, but I know the first time I see the real Barrett, I'm going to turn back into 'Nanook of the North'."

"♪ At least you're starting to talk the talk. ♪" Kypos said, trying to stay positive.

"}} I was hoping for a bit more than that." Corn turns to leave.

"♪ Wait a minute! You can't give up now. ♪"

"}} I'm sorry, but I'm tired of discussing my feelings with a hologram."

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A couple of days later. Corn is walking down the Promenade when he spots Barrett, dressed in civilian clothes, headed for the holosuites in Harf's. Corn can't help feeling somewhat embarrassed, as if he somehow knew what he's been up to while he's been away.

"Corn ! Hello ."

"}} Major."

"Anything interesting happen while I was gone ?"

"}} Interesting?" A strong denial... "}} No, not at all. Actually, it's been rather dull."

"Sorry to hear that ."

There's an awkward moment as Corn fumbles for the right thing to say... "}} Well, I'd better get back to work."

He hurries away. Barrett can sense something's wrong but he has no idea what it could be... After a moment, he heads into Harf's.

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Barrett is meditating in a cave-holosuite, surrounded by burning candles.

"♪ Hey, doll-face... are you asleep? ♪"

His eye bolt open, finding Kypos standing near him.

"How the hell did you get in here ?"

"♪ I'm performing next door for Rue and Passa. I'm between sets, so I transferred my matrix from that holosuite to this one. Now I don't have much time -- ♪"

"What do you want ?"

"♪ We have to talk. ♪"

"About what ?"

"♪ Corn, what else? ♪"

"Corn ."

"♪ C'mon, Major. Don't be coy. We both know he's nuts about you. ♪"

"He told you that ?"

"♪ He tells me everything. We've been spending a lot of time together. ♪"

Barrett can't quite believe what he's hearing... "Corn ? Spending time in a holosuite ?"

"♪ And loving it. ♪"

"I'm sorry . . . but that's not the Corn I know ."

"♪ Which tells you what? ♪" Kypos then answers his own question, "♪ You don't know him as well as you think you do. He's not the same stick-in-the-mud anymore. The cat can swing. ♪"

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Corn ?"

"♪ The one and only. But let me tell you, the only fox he wants to swing with is you. ♪"

He's not sure he follows the lingo. "I take it that's a good thing ."

"♪ It's love, baby. Nothing better than that. ♪"

Barrett can't believe he's discussing this with a hologram. "How'd you get in here again ?"

"♪ Don't try to change the subject -- we're talking about you and Corn. ♪"

"No , that's what you're talking about . I'm trying to meditate ."

"♪ And I don't mean to interrupt -- ♪"

He cuts Kypos off, "Good , then leave ."

Kypos smiles, coming to a realisation. "♪ Talk about you cranky aliens... you two really are made for each other. Which is why you've got to come to the holosuite tonight. ♪"

"What for ?"

"♪ So you and Corn can have dinner together. ♪"

"If Corn wants to have dinner with me , why doesn't he ask me himself ?"

"♪ Because I'm asking you for him. ♪" Kypos offers a winning smile. "♪ And neither one of us will take no for an answer. ♪"

Barrett is intrigued in spite of himself. "Then I better say yes ."

"♪ Crazy. ♪"

⚬──────────✧──────────⚬

Corn sits at his desk, reading a PADD. But whatever he's reading, it holds no interest for him and after a moment, he tosses it onto the tabletop.

"♪ Corn? Can you hear me? ♪"

He's startled to hear Kypos' voice. "}} Kypos -- what are you doing on the com-line?"

"♪ I need to talk to you. I want you to come to the holosuite tonight. ♪"

"}} Why?"

"♪ I've done a complete overhaul on the Lawrence hologram -- or should I say Barrett hologram? I'm telling you, Corn, you're going to think he's the real thing. He walks like Barrett, talks like Barrett... ♪"

Corn is sceptical. "}} Really? And how did you manage to accomplish that?"

"♪ I don't have time to explain now. I'll see you tonight, nine o'clock -- that's twenty-two hundred to you. ♪"

"}} I know."

"♪ I'll see you then, pallie. ♪"

And before Corn can say another word, Kypos ends the transmission. He looks a little thoughtful as he considers Kypos' words...

⚬──────────✧──────────⚬

The Lounge tables have all been removed except one, which is beautifully set with flowers, candles, the whole nine yards. Beside the table is a cart loaded with covered trays of food. Kypos stands between Corn, dressed in his tux, and Barrett, dressed in elegant Bajoran evening robes.

"♪ I believe you two know each other. ♪"

Corn looks at Barrett, and though he believes it's a hologram, he can't help but gaze upon him with appreciation. As for Barrett, he has no idea that Corn thinks he's a hologram. He thinks he's here on their 'first date'. A date with a very dapper-looking Constable.

"}} You look lovely."

"Thank you ." He smiles. "So do you ."

Kypos pulls the chair out for Barrett, "♪ Monsieur. ♪"

Barrett slides into his chair, as Corn sits in his.

"♪ I'll be your server this evening. I'll try not to spill anything. ♪" He lights the candles, pops open a bottle of champagne, and pours two glasses. "♪ To begin, a little Dom Perignon, fifty-five... ♪" He turns and takes out two small plates off the cart. "♪ And some oysters Rockefeller... to be followed by Caesar salad, Chateaubriand, and cherries jubilee. ♪"

Barrett looks over the lavishly appointed table. "It's all very interesting . . . but , uh , don't you feel a little silly being here in the holosuite."

Corn looks over at Kypos and nods approvingly; this is much more like the Major he knows. "}} A bit."

He catches the look, but he's not sure what it means...

"♪ Let me know when you're ready for the salad. ♪" And with that, he quickly retreats into the shadows.

Corn and Barrett look at each other across the table. There's a long silence, finally broken by Corn.

"}} Bon appetit."

He looks puzzled, unfamiliar with the expression.

"}} It's French. A Sol III language. It means 'enjoy your meal'."

"I didn't know you spoke French ."

"}} I don't. It's something I learned from Kypos... French is the language of love." Corn gives Barrett an easy smile. The fact that he thinks that Barrett is a hologram allows him to feel more at ease with himself.

And with Barrett... He is a little taken aback by Corn's easy confidence. He picks up his glass of champagne and takes a sip. "Kypos is a fountain of information , isn't he ?"

Corn stares at him for a moment... "}} He's certainly a man of many talents. But we're really not here to talk about Kypos, are we?"

"I'm certainly not ."

"}} I've always wondered what this would be like."

"You mean the two of us having dinner together ?"

"}} This isn't quite the way I pictured it would be."

"It's a little unusual ."

"}} Is something wrong? You haven't touched your food."

"No , it- it looks delicious , but I'm not really hungry . The truth is I'm a little nervous ."

"}} You? Nervous?"

"A bit . . . It is our first date , right ?"

"}} Right... Well, there's nothing wrong with being a little nervous -- as long as it doesn't get in the way."

"Of what ?"

"}} Of enjoying yourself."

Barrett isn't used to hearing Corn talk this way... "I thought the only thing you really enjoyed was your work ."

"}} How'd you know that?"

He looks puzzled. "You . . told me yourself ."

"}} Well done, Kypos." He mutters to himself.

Once again, Barrett isn't quite sure what Corn's talking about. "Kypos ?"

"}} Never mind. I do enjoy my work. But I'm afraid I've used it as an excuse to avoid the rest of my life."

"I know the feeling ."

A soft jazz begins to play... and Kypos starts singing directly to the couple. It's a lovely song, and he sings it for all it's worth.

"Pretty song ."

"}} It is, isn't it?"

The moment hangs in the air...

"}} Are you sure you're not hungry?"

"I'm sure . . . So what do we do now ?"

"}} Only one thing we can do..." Corn then stands up and holds out his hand. "}} Dance with me?"

His request is so simple and so direct that Barrett stands up before he realises what he's doing.

"I'm not sure i know how to dance to this kind of music ."

"}} Just stay close." Corn takes Barrett in his arms and they begin to slowly sway in time to the music...

They stare into each other's eyes -- not so much dreamy, but as if they were looking at each other for the first time, as if they were both trying to grasp the shock of the new.

"I had no idea you could dance ."

"}} It's amazing what you can learn in a holosuite."

"I still can't believe we're having our first date in here ."

Corn is a little thrown by this comment...

"I know you wouldn't feel comfortable in Harf's , but I know one or two out-of-the-way restaurants on the station ."

He doesn't want to burst the 'hologram's' bubble, so to speak. "}} I don't think that's possible..." He says softly.

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me ?"

"}} I mean if would be difficult for you to leave the holosuite."

"Why ?"

As the song comes to an end, an uneasy Kypos looks over at the two. He can see things have taken an unfortunate turn. As for Corn, he's finding himself in a corner with no way out.

"}} It's complicated."

"Complicated ? To leave the holosuite ? You make it sound like I'm a hologram ."

"}} Aren't you..?"

"Is that what you think ?" Barrett breaks out of his arms.

Corn looks to Kypos. "}} Maybe you should tell him."

Kypos only gives a sheepish grin. "♪ There's nothing to tell. I'm good, pallie, but I'm not that good. You've been dancing with the real McCoy. ♪"

His words sink in... "}} You tricked me."

"And me ."

"♪ Hey, I brought you two lovebirds together. That was the whole idea, wasn't it? ♪"

Corn looks from Kypos to Barrett -- he doesn't know what to say. He feels like a total fool. "}} Fowler... Barrett... Major, I..." He doesn't know where to begin, how to explain his feelings. Instead, he just turns and storms out.

Barrett shoots an accusatory look at Kypos.

"♪ Don't say it. Computer -- end program. ♪" And the Vegas world disappears, leaving the Major alone in the bare holosuite grid.

⚬──────────✧──────────⚬

Corn is brooding at his desk, feeling entirely humiliated.

"♪ Corn? Are you there? ♪" Kypos' com voice chimes.

"}} I have nothing to say to you."

"♪ Look, I know you think I sold you down the river... ♪"

"}} You lied to me."

"♪ It was for your own good. It was time for you to stop playing around with holograms and start playing around with the real thing. ♪"

"}} You should've told me it was really Barrett."

"♪ Would you have shown up if I had? ♪"

Corn's silence speaks volumes.

"♪ I don't hear an answer, pallie. If you think about it, there's not much to be mad about. I saw the way he looked at you while you two were dancing. The fox digs you. Big time. ♪"

The thought of what Barrett thinks of him disturbs Corn. "}} He 'digs' Shakaar. I can only imagine what he thinks of me. I kept insisting he was a hologram..."

"♪ Corn, listen to me -- ♪"

"}} No. I'm done listening to you. Computer, end transmission." He picks up the PADD, determined to take his mind off his problems.

⚬──────────✧──────────⚬

Barrett and Lemonic walks down the Promenade toward the Replimat...

"Arre you going to tell me what's wrrong?"

"Nothing's wrong ." He paused. "Have you ever had a moment of pure clarity ? A moment when the truth seemed to leap up and grab you by the throat ?"

"I bet this has something to do with yourr visit with Shakaarr."

"This has nothing to do with Shakaar . Now tell me -- have you ever had a moment like that ?"

"One or two. Of courrse, that's overr a span of seven lifetimes."

"You've had only two moments of clarity in seven lifetimes ?"

"Fowlerr, total clarrity is a verry rrarre thing."

"I guess so ."

"And when it comes, it's imporrtant that you act on it. Because believe me, confusion and doubt will take overr beforre you know it."

Barrett nods at his friend's wisdom... Then he sees Corn emerge from the Security Office. "You're absolutely right . Makes perfect sense . . ."

"Don't tell me you'rre having anotherr moment of clarrity?"

He smiles. "That's two in two days ."

"That's amazing."

And as Barrett reaches a decision --

Corn is on the move as Barrett comes up behind him.

"Corn -- wait ."

"}} Major, if you don't mind, I'd like to forget all about last night."

"I don't think that's a very good idea . We need to talk about what happened ."

Corn still looks for a way out... "}} Very well. We can meet in my office in an hour."

"Let's discuss it over dinner ."

"}} Dinner?"

"You can pick the restaurant -- anywhere except a holosuite ."

"}} What about Shakaar? You think he would approve?"

"I don't care if he approves or not . Shakaar and I are friends -- that's all . Friends ."

That stops Corn in his tracks.

"The First Minister wanted me to update him on the war with the Dominion . My visit was strictly business . So . . . are we going to have dinner together or not?"

The chemistry between these two is volatile, and the rest of their conversation is loud and accusatory...

"}} And if we do, then what?"

"I don't know . . . maybe we could go dancing ."

"}} And after that, I suppose you'll expect me to kiss you."

"It's possible ."

"}} Then who needs dinner? Why don't I get it over with and kiss you right now?"

"Why don't you ?"

Corn takes hold of Barrett and gives him a firm, strong kiss. As they break off, Corn holds him by the arms. Both of them are oblivious to the eyes bearing down upon them.

"You're right -- who need dinner ?"

They kiss again, but this time it's a softer, more passionate kiss.

⚬──────────✧──────────⚬

Kypos is on stage chatting with the audience...

"♪ ... here in Vegas, there's only one way to make sure you don't lose any money. The moment you step off the plane, you walk right into the propellers. ♪"

The drummer gives Kypos a rim-shot as the audience laughs.

Corn is standing in the back of the room, dressed in his usual security outfit. He approaches the stage.

"♪ Corn -- long time, no see. ♪"

"}} I've been busy."

"♪ So I hear. Aiio tells me that you and the Major are quite an item. ♪"

"}} For the moment... but who knows how long it'll last."

"♪ That's my Corn -- always ready to turn victory into defeat. ♪"

Corn smiles at himself, able to take the ribbing. "}} I wanted to say thank you for all your help."

"♪ Anytime, pallie. Anytime. ♪"

A moment as they shake hands.

"♪ Feel like sitting in on a number? ♪"

Corn smiles, but shakes his head. "}} Some other time."

Kypos doesn't push it. Corn turns to leave --

"♪ Say hi to the Major for me... Hey, do me a favour? ♪"

He looks back at Kypos.

"♪ Leave the program running for a few minutes after you leave. I feel like singing. ♪"

He nods, "}} 'Whatever makes you happy'."