Chapter Text
Rudo felt his body becoming weaker and weaker as the heat of the battle concluded. His brain felt as if it was underwater, all the sounds around him was muffled and muted, he couldn’t hear the cleaners around him or even remember his location.
Rudo remembers the trash beast that appearing out of nowhere and the chaos that followed. He was hit, the beast slashed his side, but despite that. Rudo still needed wanted to fight. He recalls the cleaners assigned to the mission: Gris, Riyo, and himself.
But everything else was blurring into nothingness, He couldn’t think straight, even if he put all his energy into it. The persistent ringing in his ears was the cause, it rendered his thought process useless and faulty.
“Rudo!”
Everything he couldn’t feel moments ago came crashing down onto him like rogue waves, unexpected and completely sudden. The adrenaline from the fight disappeared, leaving his body in a deep state of shock and strain. Rudo felt his legs giving up under him, they became wobbly and so so numb. He was going to fall, he knew that. He shouldn’t deny the inevitable. Slowly but surely, Rudo let his body fall to the ground, but before it even reached it, Rudo felt something warm holding him.
”Kid what’s hurting you?”
Rudo blinked, he couldn’t fully understand what was happening, he felt the rumbling of the person chest as they talked, and the feeling of them checking him for injuries. It should have helped him comprehend what was going on, but all he could focus on was the warmth enveloping him. It was nice, he cozied up against the person, feeling nothing but a sense of security and comfort.
Rudo’s body began to relax and his heart started to flutter. He was safe, everything would be okay. His eyes started to close and the little conscious he held disappeared.
”Rudo!”
…
Rudo eyes fluttered open, groggily he raised his gloved hands to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes. His head was pounding, and his hands were shaking like leaves in the wind. Rudo felt and presumably looked exhausted.
Rudo bit back another groan, this was not a pleasant way to wake up. Rudo sighed and let his eyes roam the room, anything to take his mind of the thumping of his head. The first thing he noticed was the overwhelmingly bright room that helped his head none. The smell of antiseptics that lingered in the air, that made his nose twitch and mouth turn down; he's in the infirmary, isn't he? How did he get here, who brought him here?
Rudo turns his head, and notices the lump on the couch, who had blonde hair and distinctive oversized clothing, it was—“Gris?” Rudo blinked, was he asleep? Rudo must’ve been here for some time. Out of habit, Rudo began to closely examine the other. He looked at Gris’s face, not pale, good. His torso looked fine as well, no hole punched through it, it was fully healed.
Rudo let out a sigh, Gris was fine.
Rudo removed the thin covers of the infirmary off himself and start to lift up his body from the bed— we’ll attempted to. A sudden wave of pain surged throughout his body that caused him to fall back onto the bed, and clutch his throbbing side. Rudo gritted his teeth, trying to keep the gasp of discomfort from escaping his lips.
His side felt like it was burned, battered and scared. Not in the same agonizing way as his hands. But different, not worse but different. Rudo didn’t think any pain could compare to the one in his hands. Rudo couldn’t count all the days he spent trembling, immobile due to the constant aches and pains in his hands, it was torturous.
All motion was excruciating, one wrong twist or turn turned his vision black and spotty. The ‘injury’ itself was no better, it was a mess of flesh and skin that never fully healed. Red, angry marks that were just there, disgusting marks that will never disappear, scarring that tortured him in any way possible.
“Kid?” Rudo snapped his head towards the voice. “What’s wrong, do I need to call Eishia?” Gris raspy voice asked, the man got up from his position on the couch began to walk towards Rudo bed side. Rudo let out an irritated huff “I’m fine,” he forced out through gritted teeth.
He was irritated, not at Gris but himself. Gris was strong, knowledgeable and very combative. The complete opposite of himself. Rudo lacked the strength of a cleaner. He was weak and an utter dumbass, even now he still do not fully understand the ground ands its existence. That lack of skill and knowledge led him to his current predicament: injured and completely helpless.
Rudo’s mind began to spiral down a slippery slope of downgrading thoughts, intruding and as damaging as a tide. The thoughts crushed every blockade he kept up, and disappeared them into nothingness.
Thoughts he would otherwise shut down eroded his mind. His father’s murder, Gris almost dying, Zanka being poisoned, the cleaners being forcibly taken inside a trash beast. The reason- the variable between all these events points to one person; himself.
Rudo felt shame, rage, and hatred overflowing his head. He was utterly useless, worst than that; he was a jinx. Rudo began to hug his gloves tight to his chest, he didn’t want to jeopardize anyone’s life over him being weak, not again. He couldn’t live with himself if someone else dies due to his shortcomings.
Rudo felt tears welling up into his eyes, he was weak, even now. “Hey, why don’t you explain to me what you’re feeling?” Rudo blinked, he forgot Gris was there. Even more shame covered his expression, Gris was here to witness one of his childish meltdowns, he already fucked up his image, what’s on more fuck up?
Rudo turned his face away from the man and whispered , “I’m sorry for being weak.” It was quiet, if not for Gris gasp he wouldn’t have known the man even heard him. For a moment it was silent. Rudo didn’t mind, he would rather sit in silence and think about what happened, or rather, why it happened. Rudo hugs his gloves closer to his chest, wanting nothing more but the strange comforting feeling of someone holding him close.
It reminded him of the days his Dad would hold him tight, no hatful words, no pain, no fear. Nothing, Regto was never afraid of him like the others were. He saw Rudo as family, his true son. Not just an orphan he took off the streets and nurtured into the semi-decent person he is now.
Suddenly, the space beside Rudo sunk down and he was face to face with Gris. Gris let out an exhale before speaking again. “Rudo, do you know how talented you are for a newcomer?” Rudo eyes go wide and he snaps his head to meet Gris gaze, “What?” Gris smiles and continues, “You’re strong Rudo, not many people could go against raiders and trash beasts and live to tell the tale.”
Gris smile looked so genuine and his voice said the words Rudo hopelessly wanted to hear. Rudo felt tears running down his cheeks, he was strong? That can’t be right. No, it was absolutely wrong. If that was true, he wouldn’t be here right now. He would still be on the sphere, living with his Dad. Tears once of relief turned into a bittersweet cry, emotions he had yet to comprehend or grasp overtook him. Grief over his Dad’s murder, him not being able to stop it or even say a goodbye or thank you.
He wasn’t strong
That much was obvious
He needed to voice it
“You’re wrong, I couldn’t defend you from the raiders or— anyone! The mission we just did was easy, simple but I couldn’t even deal with a simple mission!” Rudo yelled, his face was scrunched and his hands was balled. Every emotion Rudo felt seeped through his tone. His mind was in complete chaos.
Flashes of events he would rather ignore invaded Rudo’s mind. Gris broken body, Regto lifeless eyes, the faces of the cleaners who were injured by raiders who were trying to take him. It was too much to bear, he couldn’t handle believing Gris opinion, no Gris was wrong, there no way in Hell Gris actually believed a single word coming out of his mouth. Rudo was a coward
Gris shakes his head and placed his hand on Rudo’s hair. “You’re just a kid, you’re not to blame for the dangers, me, a cleaner sign up for. You shouldn’t expect yourself to be completely flawless, mistakes are inevitable. Even me, Enjin and Santa make mistakes once in a while. It’s apart of the learning process.” Rudo eyes widened more, and his mouth closes and opens. Not knowing what to say and if he should even say it.
Rudo wipe the tears from his face, but it didn’t stop them from falling. “But, But—“ his voice began to crack and sobs began shake his form. “It’s my fault, my—“ Rudo felt two pair of arms carefully pulling him into an embrace, “You’re just a kid Rudo, one who witnessed things no kid your age should.” Gris whispered as he combs through Rudo’s hair. As much as he tried to muffle his cries, Rudo couldn’t. He let out a loud wail and buried his head into Gris shoulder.
The embrace was nice, Gris words was nice. Rudo was strong, he wasn’t weak, he had time to grow into the person he wanted to be. Rudo sobs quieted down and his eyes began to droop. Rudo was tried, tried of dealing with his emotions, tried of being awake, just tried. He wanted to close his eyes and slump into a dream of complete darkness, no noise, no scenery, nothing. Rudo felt Gris began to shift him away from himself and onto the bed, instinctively Rudo hand moves to stop him. Gris was nice and warm, Rudo feels like a big weight lifts off his chest whenever the man is around.
He wanted him to stay
Gris hums and places the discarded blanked over them, and murmurs, “sweet dreams kid.” Rudo felt his eyes become heavy and momentarily sleep took ahold of him.
…