Chapter Text
Jay groaned as he finally forced himself into a sitting position on the shitty hotel bed. He swallowed down the wave of nausea that washed over him as he did so. The young man stared at the beam of sunlight filtering through a crack in the curtain. He was trying to convince himself to get up. To stop wallowing in his grief and whatever illness he had caught. Nothing would get better if he just stayed in bed.
For the past week, he had been dealing with nausea and fatigue. Jay had barely convinced himself to move or even to try to eat the few things he kept in the room. But now he was out of food and water. So now it was about time he got up.
He was surprised that he could stay in bed so long. Tim would never have let him stay in bed so long. Would have made sure he had eaten something and had some water.
But Tim wasn’t here anymore.
Jay wiped away the fresh tears that pricked his eyes, then forced himself up. He grabbed a familiar yellow coat from where it was draped over the chair and pulled it on. The scent of the man it belonged to was already fading. Had it really been that long? The weight of the cigarette carton in one of the pockets was oddly comforting.
Jay lingered for a moment, thinking about bringing his camera along with him. But he decided against it. It was just a trip to the pharmacy on the corner. Everything would be fine for the short time he was gone.
The young man made sure he grabbed his keycard, then stepped out into the hallway. He was barely aware of the walk through the hall until he emerged in the afternoon sun, raising a hand to block the light until his eyes had adjusted. He had lost his hat the same day he had lost Tim. But at least he had kept some part of the other man.
Jay took a breath, swallowed again, then began the short trek to the store on the corner. It was a little warm for the coat, but he did not care. He just wanted it near. At least it seemed the nausea had faded for the time being. Just enough for him to feel functional again.
It did not take long for Jay to reach the store and enter. He mumbled a greeting in return to the cashier, then stepped deeper into the store after grabbing a basket. The first thing he grabbed was a few water bottles. Then a few snacks that did not make him feel like he was going to throw up on the store floor. Jay then turned to make his way back to the front to pay and get back to moping.
But he paused as he passed the personal care aisle.
Maybe he should get something to try to combat whatever illness he was combating. It wouldn't hurt to at least look at what was available.
Jay walked down the aisle, looking at various things that seemed to match his symptoms. He picked out a few things he thought would help, then caught something out of the corner of his eye. Jay looked over, spotting a pregnancy test that someone had left in the wrong spot. Almost as if they knew he would be there.
Jay stared for a moment, then grabbed it. He highly doubted that he was pregnant. But it would put the sudden anxiety, making his heartbeat quicken, to rest. There was no way he was pregnant. He and Tim had been careful, not wanting to drag a child into their bullshit.
But there was still that anxiety. What if he was? It would explain so much of what had been happening for the past week.
Would Jay even want it?
Despite asking himself that question, the young man already knew the answer. If he were, then that was another part of Tim that he could hang onto. A little boy or girl who shared some of the man’s DNA.
Jay’s heart clenched as he approached the checkout and put up what he had grabbed to be scanned. At least the cashier did not seem to judge the odd variety of things he had grabbed. But to be fair, they had probably seen way worse.
Jay paid, grabbed his bags, then trekked back to his hotel room.
As soon as he entered the room, Jay deposited the bags on the bed and dug through them until he found the test. Now his heart was hammering away in his chest. What result did he want? Was he even ready to care for a child if it was positive? Would the entity be kind and allow him to raise them without issue?
Jay shoved the thoughts away before he could spiral too far in one direction. At least it was taking his mind off the hole in his heart.
He quickly opened the test, read through the instructions, and went to the bathroom to take the test. When finished, he left it on the counter to process. Jay quickly washed his hands, then went to the bed. He stomached a handful of chips and a swig of water as he waited, his leg bouncing with his anxiety.
Then Jay finally got the courage to look. It had been long enough for the results to show. He took a deep breath, then entered the bathroom, his heart thudding away as he looked down at the innocent test.
His eyes widened, then he backed away as fresh tears welled in his eyes. Jay backed up until he found the solid surface of the wall to support him as he broke down.
Positive.
Jay was pregnant with Tim’s child, and Tim was not there. He pulled the coat tighter around himself as he sobbed, trying desperately to pull himself together.
What was he going to do?