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Light Yagami–Kira–ran from the warehouse, bleeding from his gunshot wounds. His life seemed to flash before his eyes. All he could think was he didn’t want to die! He didn’t want to go to jail, either. But more than anything, he didn’t want to die. He was desperate to run away from his fate. There had to be a way out of this, there always was. There had to be someone, anyone, he could plead to for mercy and escape this nightmare. If he knew he was going to Heaven or Hell, he wouldn’t have been as scared. The thought of going to Mu (Nothingness) was infinitely more terrifying.
Where had it all gone wrong? When L died in his arms, it had been his ultimate triumph. L–Ryuzaki–was the first one who’d seen through him. The only one who really challenged him. Light knew that the moment they played tennis together. Light’s acting had fooled everyone in his life, including his entire family. He was good at pretending to be in love with Misa when he wasn’t. He’d just been using her, like Mikami and Takada and all others in his life, for his own gain. It was a relief to know there was one person in the world other than Ryuk who saw him for who he was.
After his death, Light took over his mantle as L. He wanted to dominate him completely, to subsume his identity into his and usurp his entire legacy. But no one since then had ever been able to fill his place. Without L, life became meaningless. Light tried to entertain himself, but there wasn’t anything interesting to look forward to anymore. It was as lonely as L predicted it would be. Light’s mind, which had always been his greatest pride, began to unravel. Sometimes, he would go to L’s tomb and talk to him, taunting him, humping his tombstone and gloating about how he’d won. He thought about digging up his grave and fucking his corpse. He wanted to dance with his corpse in the cemetery, but by then, his body was too decomposed.
As the two top students at their university, they were each the closest thing the other had to a friend. Light loved him as much as he was capable of loving anyone who wasn’t himself. His love was the kind that took rather than gave. It wasn’t self-sacrificing the way Misa’s devotion to him was, but it was just as deep and real.
What could things have been like between them if he’d never found the Death Note? When he lost his memories, he had a taste of it. Despite himself, Light couldn’t help smiling a little. It was good while it lasted. His more innocent self had the most ridiculous crush on L and secretly liked it when he chained them together, even when they got into fights. Strangely, those were some of the happiest memories of his life, happier even than the times when he was at the peak of his power. Light was a few years younger than him and looked up to him. L wasn’t conventionally handsome the way Light was. He was a wiry wisp of a man with spiky hair and staring eyes and didn’t have nearly as many women throwing themselves at him as Light did. But the way he licked his lips while eating sugary things was annoyingly arousing. As Misa said, L was a pervert. Light wanted to see how much of a pervert he could be. He wanted him to show him. Light wanted to throw him on the bed they were forced to share and have his way with him. When L praised him, he felt a flush of warmth in his cheeks and his heart started racing.
When L washed his feet before he killed him, Light was startled by how good his hands felt, pressing the soles of his feet. It made him gasp softly. L was as good at it as he’d promised he would be. His eyes were dry, but the droplets of water dripping from his hair seemed to be weeping in his place. Light tenderly wiped them for him with a towel. And it was nice to see him kneeling for him, in a thoroughly submissive position.
Light would never apologize for what he did as Kira. He was the God of a new world. Ordinary people could never hope to understand his vision. In some sense, Light may have been responsible for his gullible and idealistic father’s death, but he had honored what he believed in by cleansing the world of criminals. As a student, his schoolwork bored him because it was way too easy for him. Killing people eased his boredom. Nonetheless, if he’d never become Kira, maybe he would have joined his father in the police force and worked with L to catch whoever did. They had done something like that when they investigated the Yotsuba group. Maybe they would have become lovers and spent their lives together.
The sun was setting. His breath came out in shaky gasps. Light ran, stumbling, until he couldn’t run anymore and collapsed on a staircase. He felt a heart attack coming on and realized Ryuk must have written his name in the book. All was lost. He was going to die the same way he’d dispatched so many people. Damn it. There would have been some honor in losing to L. But losing to his mediocre successors, Near and Mello, and being shot by that fool Matsuda…it was humiliating. If he were more dignified, he would say it almost made him lose his fear of death. Near was a pale imitation of L. He had no right to wear the mask that resembled his face. Light stood by his belief that he was nothing compared to L.
The last thing Light saw before closing his eyes for the final time was the spirit of L, watching him.
+++
Misa Amane stood at the edge of the skyscraper, staring at the skyline and city below. She was teetering over the edge. Her eyes stared into the distance, glistening with unshed tears. With a lot of treatment and therapy, she had recovered enough of her memories to know she’d wasted her life. Time, and the news of Light-kun’s death, had given her some perspective. She would always be grateful to Light-kun for avenging the deaths of her parents, but she had put him on a pedestal instead of treating him like a man. It was painfully clear he'd never cared about her. She was delusional to hope he would. All the people she had killed for him weren’t enough to make him love her. Misa was so foolish. The only one he ever had eyes for was Ryuzaki. She should have known that from the way he looked at him when they were chained together.
But not everything was Light-kun’s fault. Misa had always been too in love with the idea of being in love to be a good girlfriend to him. She was more in love with what Kira stood for than the man he actually was. Misa learned the hard way that the things that mattered so much to her weren’t important to the rest of the world. Now, everything she and Light-kun worked for was gone. Aside from a cult that worshipped Kira as a God, everyone seemed to forget he existed.
Misa had wasted too much time trying to be cute. Trying to find a man to obey. That was what she thought she needed to be complete. But “Misa-Misa” was quite powerful in her own right. In some ways, she was more powerful than Light-kun had ever been. She had the Shinigami eyes, and made not one but two Shinigamis fall in love with her. She built her career as a model, singer, and actress. The police wouldn’t have caught the men in the Yotsuba group without her. If she’d listened to Rem, maybe she could have used the Death Note for her own gain. Maybe she wouldn’t have let Light-kun rule her entire life.
Rem had always been there for her. Misa recollected how devoted she was to her. Rem had told her the only way to kill a Shinigami was to make them fall in love with a human. Until she revealed it, Misa had no idea a Shinigami named Gelus had loved her and given his life protecting her from a man who was stalking her. It was so sad and romantic. Such a beautiful way to die. Misa remembered laying back on the pillows and batting her eyelashes at Rem, teasingly asking if she was in love with her. Rem huffed and said Misa wouldn’t kill her that easily. But she had never denied it. In the end, she made the same sacrifice as Gelus.
Rem was willing to both die and kill for her. She watched her like a guardian angel, killing Ryuzaki and his assistant Watari to keep her safe. Misa suspected she would have destroyed the entire world to protect her. She remembered how tender Rem was with her. She didn’t know how Rem put up with her, squealing and squeaking about Kira. Misa must have sounded so annoying. So callous and cruel. Her infatuation with Light-kun must have brought Rem so much pain, but if so, she never showed it. Rem was ready to do anything for her, even help her chase after Light-kun’s love, as long as it made her happy. She paid attention to her in a way Light-kun never did. Rem had loved her in a way no one would ever love her again. Like a child who never realized how much her mother loved her, Misa hadn’t noticed or valued any of it.
How useless it was to pine for someone you couldn’t have. The world was full of people like Misa, who chased those who wouldn’t spare them a single glance. Life just passed her by. She failed to appreciate what she had. Misa wished she could go back in time. She desperately wished she had given Rem a chance. If she’d kept an open mind, she could have spent a lifetime learning what it was like to have a Shinigami as a lover.
But it was too late for that. Much too late. Misa had lost so much, she couldn’t go on. She was alone and just couldn’t take it anymore. She missed Rem. Who was Misa, without her loved ones? Who was anyone, really? Living without both Rem and Light-kun was like losing her parents all over again. One moment they were here, the next, they had disappeared. Death came for everyone in the end.
Misa wondered where Shinigamis went when they died. Did they go to the same place as humans? Rem said Gelus became something that was neither sand nor rust. Maybe all things dissolved into Mu (Nothingness) in the end. No matter what they did when they were alive, everyone went to the same place when they died. Misa smiled through her tears. Death was what connected everyone to each other. Money could buy many things, but not peace, love, or immortality. Unlike Light-kun, the thought didn’t scare her. It was actually comforting. That was why she’d been willing to do the deal for Shinigami eyes twice, halving her lifespan twice.
Maybe all four of them–Light-kun, Ryuzaki, Rem, and Misa–would be reunited in death. Misa could picture them all, merging in the darkness. When she closed her eyes, she could vividly recall Rem’s dark-gold eyes, burning into her soul. They had been so mournful and full of longing when she was alive. But in her mind’s eye, they were warm and serene. Misa imagined her snatching her up, holding her in a gentle embrace forever. As the wind blew, she could almost hear Rem’s deep voice. Rem was calling for her.
She leapt into the air…