Chapter Text
“And what scarf do you think I should wear?” Seonghwa asks rhetorically.
He is holding two in front of him, one large and fluffy, potentially a bit much for the spring weather, while the other is more fashion-focused, a satin neck tie in bright colours that would provide the nice pop to his outfit. He already knows which one he wants, but acts out contemplating it, holding them both up to the camera against his outfit.
“I think it has to be the neck scarf,” he says, holding it closer to his neck and nodding even if he will crop that out of the footage later. "It's a bit too warm for the other one today, even if it's not quite summer yet!"
As he works to add the scarf to his outfit, the final touch, he hums lightly to himself. One final check in the mirror to ensure everything looks as planned, a quick adjustment of the black covering the lower half of his face, and he turns back to the camera and gets into his usual final pose, arms just out slightly.
“Ta-da, what do you think?” he exclaims, pitching his voice up slightly to try and be extra cutesy to match the outfit.
He poses a few times, showing off his ensemble. He is in a matching dark denim co-ord, with a white shirt underneath. The satin scarf he has tied into a neat bow that nestles into the collar and really draws the outfit together adding a little something extra to really elevate it. Finishing off with one final twirl, Seonghwa waves goodbye to the camera before finally cutting off the recording. As soon as it’s off he lets out a big breath, shaking off the persona he shifts into for his videos, and takes his face mask off.
A step back and he looks back at himself in the mirror, and admires the outfit he’s put together again. It’s not his best work for sure, but he is really happy with it nonetheless. It feels very him, in a way that some of the clothes he sometimes gets sent no longer do, and the warmth he feels from being able to style his own wardrobe into something he feels happy about isn't remotely comparable to how off he sometimes feels in fully gifted outfits. Obviously he discloses when he has been sent a piece to advertise, and he never lies about when he is doing an advert, but he definitely enjoys the content where he is just filming because he felt like it just a little bit more. If only that paid as well as everything else did! They certainly don't quite seem to get the reach as some of his more flashy, brand sponsored content though.
Seonghwa knows that when he started and only had a few followers it felt like he built a strong community of like minded people, but as his popularity boomed… well. Things definitely got a bit more muddled.
There are still a few names he recognises from the beginning, and he relishes in getting to talk to them when he can, although it is getting harder and harder to really find the time to reply to comments—something that haunts him slightly, but he tries to not think about it too much. With that thought fresh in his mind, he slouches down on to his bed, phone in hand, with the intention of trying to get through as many messages as he can before he needs to start preparing the next video. Today is his only really free day this week, and he promised his manager he would have two videos ready for editing by the end of the day.
Something he is now regretting; he never feels as good in the second video of the day.
Putting that thought aside, he opens his comments and replies to some on the latest video he posted, a longer form video he had posted about a recent trip to the Leeum museum to promote a new art exhibit, take a few photos looking moderately interested in things, the usual. There are a few comments about his outfit, a few others expressing interest in the artist, but, as usual, one specific comment catches his eye.
Long term subscriber, and someone Seonghwa had spoken to multiple times over the year he had been posting, No1LikeMe. Or H, as he had been asked to be called once they had exchanged a few messages.
I went to this exhibit too! My favourite was the lights with the white noise, wasn’t it so ominous, the way they echoed each other? I would love to know which one spoke to you and why!
Seonghwa stares at it for a few moments, contemplating, worrying his bottom lip. He goes to put his phone down, but changes his mind at the last second and instead flips to his direct messages where he sees exactly what he expects. A message right at the top from H.
Seonghwa-ssi, I hope you had a lovely time at the museum, I really would love to know which exhibit you enjoyed the most. Maybe you could make a video on it and credit me for the inspo, haha!
I’m also sorry to keep asking, but I really am under a lot of pressure lately, and I really would love to work with you on a project. I know you’ve said you aren’t interested, and I am deeply sorry to keep asking, but even just 20 minutes of your time in a meeting to present it?
Please?
Seonghwa sighs loudly as he reads the messages. They are so similar to a lot of the ones he has received from H lately. Until about three months ago, their conversations were always light, based on something Seonghwa had done or mentioned in a video, harmless conversation that never revealed much about either of their private lives. Despite talking for a good portion of the past year, Seonghwa really knew nothing about the man; he didn’t know what he did, what he looked like. What he did know though, was so much about his hobbies and interests, and that he clearly had a good eye for fashion as well as travelling a lot, if the photos that he occasionally posted on his account were any indication.
It would be lying to himself if Seonghwa said he wasn’t intrigued in H in a lot of ways, he had appeared very early on in Seonghwa’s journey to becoming an influencer, and had stayed and cheered him on throughout the entire process as he started working on bigger and better projects. Where some people seemed to find his success disgruntling, or they told him that he had lost the spark he started with, H had offered him comfort and warmth during those times through short and sweet messages.
Lately though, H had started to bring up this project of his, and didn’t seem to want to let it go despite Seonghwa’s gentle declines of the offer. At first it felt like H had taken it seriously, but now, week by week, his desperation for Seonghwa to take on the project seems to grow, taking over every conversation that they have.
Without replying to H, Seonghwa puts down his phone and instead starts getting ready to film his next video, promising himself that he will reply to him at another time.
Shuffling around the frame of a camera to get everything to fit in is an art form, Seonghwa thinks to himself, as he slightly adjusts a bowl full of kimchi to align better with all the other ingredients he has out on the counter. The small nudge seems to do it though, and he looks at his phone screen in satisfaction before pressing record and returning to the shot.
He is recording a basic meal prep video that has been requested a lot on his channel. He often gets asked how he keeps on top of everything that he is doing, which he always has to laugh off with some excuse or another, when the reality is that he is always flying by the seat of his pants through every day. Some weeks he can meal prep, sure, but the next week he might have exams, coursework, a modelling job, some kind of Wooyoung related disaster and it will completely throw him off and he is scrabbling to fit all his responsibilities together.
However, that is most certainly not the look his fans expect to see from him, and nor does his manager. Seonghwa has curated a very put together and chic version of himself out in the world, all hidden behind his mask and glasses when he records, and he cannot let any of his instability seep through.
So, as he films this recipe, he talks about how he will store the leftovers in containers within his fridge and then have them on later days that week when he has been at the library late studying. He knows it is a lie, but only a little white lie. With a face mask on and the months of practice, he thinks he is able to be convincing enough to the camera about small things like this. In reality, the food will actually nearly all be consumed this evening, although it will at least be with friends. On another night he might have asked Wooyoung and San to join him for the recording, but with how many new followers he seems to be getting lately, he is getting more and more concerned about them being recognised by someone they know, and the channel being linked back to him somehow.
And Seonghwa can’t let that happen, not if he wants to keep his potential future career safe. It’s a shame, as filming along someone is definitely more fun; Seonghwa finds himself having a much easier time talking when another person is with him than just the camera. Currently on track to be a primary school teacher though, any type of social media presence that directly links to him could be considered in future job interviews, and it’s something that keeps Seonghwa up at night, wondering how he can possibly balance this internet fame and his childhood dream job.
It’s not something he has an answer to yet, so he pushes it to the back of his mind, as he wraps up filming.
“Okay so, once I’ve cooked everything I set out my a portion for myself for now, obviously!” Seonghwa holds a plate to the camera and works the angle to make the lighting make it look extra appetising. “And then I put what I have leftover into these containers—which have cute little pink bunnies on, I'll put the link below—and once cooled they will go into the fridge for my lunches between classes or a late night snack! Super easy and tasty even eaten cold if you can't heat them up. Please let me know what you think of the recipe in the comments, and let me know if you have any meals that you love to make in advance for those quick easy lunches! Thanks so much for watching!" Face held carefully out of the shot, Seonghwa makes a heart with both of his hands, one of his favourite ways to end his videos, before quickly cutting it off on his phone.
With the camera no longer rolling, he removes his face mask and runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it up after it previously being very carefully styled, just in case there is any frame where he might be visible, his fringe will hopefully block any prying eyes. He edits through all his footage vigilantly, and so does the editor who tidies it all up but still, it's never nice having to do a re-shoot just because he thinks his features are a bit too visible.
A quick check of the time on his phone tells Seonghwa that he is running right on the schedule he had planned out for the evening, and that Wooyoung and San should be arriving in about 10 minutes. He dishes the food he had put into containers back on to plates, and then covers it in tin foil to keep it warm enough for them when they arrive. It wouldn't be the first time that he has used their meal for content, and it probably won't be the last, so they are used to having somewhat lukewarm food when they come over. He kills time waiting for his friends to appear by tidying up, and by the time he hears the usual melody of his front door opening, his kitchen is spotless, just as he would like.
"Seonghwa-hyung," Wooyoung calls, pulling out the syllables of his name. "I'm so hungry! We have walked miles today!"
"What? No, we didn't?" Seonghwa hears San's response, but any further communication between them is lost to quiet bickering as they both take off their shoes and jackets in the entryway of Seonghwa's flat.
San makes his way into the room, and quickly beelines towards Seonghwa to wrap him in a tight hug. "Hi hyung. Don't listen to Youngie, we literally just walked along the Han with some coffee and it was his idea!"
"San-ah! Are you spreading lies?" Wooyoung bounds into the room, full of energy as always. "I just wanted to see where Illusion filmed their recent MV! I didn't know it was that far away from the station…"
San sends Seonghwa a look that conveys a lot of emotion, but mostly exasperation, before he pulls Wooyoung into the hug, smushing their faces together. It's not unusual for San to be a little clingy when all three of them together, especially as it happens a bit less these days, so Seonghwa lets it happen, holding his two friends close in return.
"It smells good hyung, what have you made us?" Wooyoung asks once the hug relents slightly, peering over Seonghwa's shoulder at the counter behind him.
"I made some simple japchae, and also had some kimchi leftover so thought we could have it on the side—it'll be a bit cold though, I'm sorry."
"No worries at all, thanks for cooking! You both take the food and I'll grab cutlery!" Wooyoung replies, and they all bustle around the kitchen.
It all falls into place easily, as it always does. Food is laid out on the table, chopsticks placed next to each serving, and beer that Seonghwa always keeps in the fridge for these events mysteriously ends up there despite it never being mentioned. Conversation between the three of them is also as easy as it has always been. They talk about their courses, their mutual friends that they know, Seonghwa brings up some of the events he has been invited to and they all coo and ahh at the thought of Seonghwa rubbing shoulders with a made up guest list.
They have been talking for around an hour, food long since finished and the second drink opened in front of them, when Wooyoung and San both seem distracted by something on their phone, both tapping on screen to see something. Seonghwa knows what it is most likely to be without asking, but he does anyway.
"Something of interest on your phones?" he asks, amused.
Wooyoung and San both look up, matching guilty expressions, as if this hasn't happened countless times before.
Seonghwa rolls his eyes, "What are Illusion up to today then?" he asks.
They both have the awareness to look slightly caught out, but only for a second, before they launch into it, their words overlapping each other as they try and explain what their favourite idol group is up to.
"We met up with Yeosangie earlier, and he was telling us that there should be an announcement tonight at 9pm, but he wasn't sure it was going to happen."
"Right, he said that there is some big drama with the leader of his group, and that because he is being such an ass—"
"That is not what Yeosang said."
"It was implied! This guy sounds like an ass, it's no wonder we barely see him. Anyway, because he is being so stubborn about his music video or something, the whole band is having to push their comeback date! Can you believe that!"
"And it looks like nothing is being posted, as it's gone past 9pm now and there is nothing on their socials at all…" San trails off, looking down at his phone. "I hope Yeosang isn't too upset about it, he sounded pretty stressed. I think they normally all agree on everything and have a close bond so this isn't something they have had to deal with before."
"This Hongjoong should get over himself, why is he getting preferential treatment," Wooyoung snarks, glaring down at his phone screen.
"Isn't he the leader?" Seonghwa asks, frantically trying to place in his head the band members. He has met a few of them, here and there throughout the years.
"Right!" Wooyoung and San exclaim at the same time, both staring intently at Seonghwa as if expecting him to add on to their previous comments.
"Um, yeah, he sounds like an ass?" Seonghwa says, when it's clear his input is required.
Wooyoung nods sagely. "Exactly, hyung, exactly."
"Which is honestly weird though, as when we did meet him before, he's always seemed pretty nice, and there's never problems like this," San says, thoughtfully, before glancing at his phone again. "We should go actually, I want to ring Yeosang and check in with him, I hate to think how this is impacting the other members of the band," San adds, before getting up and collecting the plates.
"I can do that!" Seonghwa quickly offers, following after San only to be gently rebuked and pulled to the side by Wooyoung.
"Thanks for having us over Seonghwa-hyung, I hope you aren't overworking yourself too much these days," Wooyoung asks, eyeing him up and down.
Seonghwa shrugs, his usual response to these types of questions. "Everything's fine."
"Just as it always is, right?" Wooyoung asks, although it's clear it's not really a question. "Any dates lately?"
He doesn't mean to, but Seonghwa scoffs. "Please, when would I ever have the time to do that."
Wooyoung's face crumples slightly, for the smallest of moments, before he catches himself. "You should let yourself have time for that hyung, let yourself have some fun in amongst all the work?"
The comment stings more than he would like it to, and Seonghwa has to blink a few times to really let the words settle in beyond the initial hurt of hearing them. Is that how it seems to others, that even his closest friends have to remind him to have fun? Does it come across on camera, that he doesn't remember the last time he took himself somewhere without the explicit purpose of filming some content or to study? The questions pile up in his head, anxieties that he tries to keep at bay let free, and they only stop when Wooyoung pulls him close. For a brief moment, it is quiet, just the feeling of someone holding him, and then Wooyoung is gone, and the worries remain.
He makes it through the rest of the goodbyes on auto pilot, hugging San close and thanking him for washing up, before standing by as they both put their shoes on ready to go. When the door finally closes, Seonghwa stays rooted to the spot he has been stood in, eyes unfocused as he runs back over Wooyoung's final words to him again and again.
"Have some fun?" he repeats to himself, adding a harsh mocking tone even though there's no heart.
It doesn't make him feel better, in fact, it only makes him feel worse for trying to villainise something said to him in kindness. So, great, now he gets to feel bad about that as well.
Seonghwa does what he normally does in this situation, and stalks over to his fridge, and pulls out a peach iced tea drink that he had been saving. A break glass in case of emergency beverage. He pulls at the lid with more aggression than is necessary, and then gulps down several mouthfuls of the cold liquid. It doesn't do anything to the unsettled feeling within him, but at the very least it does taste really nice. He allows himself a sip more, before returning it to the fridge and walking towards his bedroom.
Despite the relatively early hour, Seonghwa starts working through his evening routine. Thankfully he has done all the filming that he needs to do for the next several days, so there is no set up, just himself and the mirror version of him slowly adding layers of skincare. He might not show his face on his videos, but that doesn't mean that he can slack on taking care of himself. Funnily enough, he's even started receiving some skincare PR lately, which both his manager and himself have found quite amusing.
While he waits for some of the products to soak into his skin so he can proceed with the next step, Seonghwa pulls his phone out of his pocket and scrolls through his notifications, swiping away at them until there is nothing left. He mindlessly watches some videos, trying to will himself into feeling better by cooing at some cute cat videos, before another notification flashes up on his screen.
Somehow, inexplicably, there H is again, with yet another message, bumping him to the very top of Seonghwa's inbox. Normally there are a few days between messages, so this feels like a disconcerting break of the usual pattern; pulled in by the intrigue, Seonghwa's hovering finger above his screen clicks down on the icon.
The previous messages are still there unanswered, but now below there is another, shorter and slightly more desperate than those before it.
Please Seonghwa, please just let me explain how important this would be for me, please could our managers just talk, it doesn't even have to be us.
It's most certainly a different tone of message, and on first reaction Seonghwa is inclined to delete it straight away and never think of it again, until he rereads and a specific word jumps out at him. Manager? If H has a manager, then clearly he is more than just an average follower who wants to 'collab' with him, something that actually nearly always ended up being someone just wanting to meetup with less than savoury intentions. Seonghwa had learnt that very early on in his career as an online personality. This, however, feels completely different to the usual form of communication between him and fans that just want to meet up with him.
H has been around for a long time, and had never crossed the line until recently. In fact, Seonghwa used to really look forward to all their conversations and it's only in the past month since these specific requests have started coming in that he has found distance between the two of them, and a reluctance to respond. However, if H really was looking for an official collaboration of some kind… and he was actually a fan who just wanted to offer him work, well, would that be so bad? But why hasn't he already reached out through his agency like most normal brands would?
Seonghwa locks his phone screen and throws it on to his bed, before returning to his skincare, scooping out some moisturiser onto his fingers. If the answer to this problem was going to be found, it would be by future Seonghwa, and not the Seonghwa of now. He feels similarly about his issue with having fun, or lack thereof. Does he hold himself back from fun opportunities because of his work, because of school, or because he has forgotten what it feels like to just do something because he wants to and not just because of obligation?
It's not a fun thought at all, really.
A quick brush through of his hair, and Seonghwa exits his bathroom, distracting himself with changing into pyjamas and getting in to bed. He picks up his phone, puts it down, before picking up a book that he hasn't touched in weeks, forcing himself to get through a chapter before he turns the light off.
He doesn't fall asleep for a long while.
Neither the messages nor the lingering feeling of missing something go away. H has become incessant, to the point where Seonghwa routinely considers blocking him from being able to message, but something sways his mind every time. The messages are never rude, and in fact stay unfailingly polite, as if H is only doing what he is doing out of sheer necessity. He definitely sounds desperate, and it only ramps up as the days turn into weeks. Seonghwa remains vigilant though, and continues to not respond despite the sheer desperation in every message, leading to levels of absurdity as H seems to keep coming back to his previous message and freaking out over what he has said.
Seonghwa, I loved your recipe from the other day, I'm an absolutely terrible chef but I still gave it a go and it turned out well. I also wanted to check if you have been able to think about a meeting? I would really love to talk to you about this idea.
I know it sounds out of the blue maybe but, without you, I don't think this idea will work.
Sorry that was weird, please just hear me out, I promise it is a completely legitimate opportunity and you would be paid for your time.
It is NOT anything weird! I just can't explain via message!!! I wish I could!!!!! It would be a for a music video but I want to explain who I am first in person. I am sorry this sounds so evasive!
Hey would you mind if we emailed your manager directly, would that be easier? Please just give me any form of contact to get a hold of you properly and I'll do it.
The last is the most recent message, and Seonghwa stares at it, a weird feeling in his chest. If H did message his manager directly, and then it was put forward as a more real opportunity than just some random guy in his DMs, would he be more inclined to take it? He doesn't know.
He actually hasn't been taking on many new jobs lately, only a recurring opportunity he has with Songzio who have been sending him some of their new items to try on. Everything else he has either turned down or deferred. When Mina had queried him, Seonghwa had given her some nonsense about needing to study which they both knew was untrue, but she didn't question him any further. Maybe she could hear his mood in his voice, or maybe she just wanted to give him time, but whatever it was Seonghwa was happy for the break to think about what he wanted.
Unfortunately, being given the time to think and relax and only film some outfit videos—his original type of content and still his favourite to make to this day—doesn't immediately solve Seonghwa's problems. He has been despondent for a good few weeks now, and his friends are starting to pick up on it and question it. Nothing seems to help though, trying new content doesn't get him going, playing Animal Crossing doesn't spark joy like it used to and even rewatching Star Wars for the nth time has him feeling cold.
He is missing the spark he used to have, but he hasn't got a clue where to find it.
Although, looking at H's message, he feels something.
Before he can think about it any further, he types out Mina's work email and sends it to H with no accompanying words. He's a smart guy, he can figure it out.
It's only later, when he is at Wooyoung and San's flat that he realises the magnitude of what he might have signed up for.
Seonghwa has gone around to theirs to 'study', but what that mostly means is sitting amongst all of their studying materials and then chatting late into the night about things deeply unrelated to their course material. Normally, this is exactly what Seonghwa wants at the end of a hard week, but he is feeling particularly stressed about a placement he has coming up at a school, so he is trying to work through some PowerPoint slides that he is preparing for his classes. He is a perfectionist in all things, including wordart, and won't rest until everything is aligned in a way that he finds acceptable.
While he works, nose inches from his screen, Wooyoung has been animatedly talking to San at a frantic pace. When Seonghwa takes a break to rub his temples and take a sip of water, he tunes in to the end of his tirade.
"—it's just completely unacceptable how this is still going on! Don't you think?" San goes to say something but Wooyoung continues. "We should go over there and set him right, I can't believe their 'leader' is putting them through all of this just over a music video?"
"Yeosang didn't even seem that mad though, I feel like there is maybe something going on here that we don't know," San adds, sounding thoughtful.
"Sure, maybe there is, but how can it be that serious? They film new MVs for every single comeback, can an idea really be that important that you would still be delaying everything?"
Seonghwa blinks, feeling a cold sense of foreboding as he thinks about where he has heard some similar words lately. He picks up his phone from the table, and surreptitiously opens the chat with H, scrolling to the message where he mentions… a music video.
Oh god. That would be one hell of a coincidence wouldn't it? Seonghwa makes a noise somewhere between a groan and a laugh, unsure whether he is finding this situation horrifying or hilarious.
San and Wooyoung both turn to face him, eyebrows raised. The silence with no one is talking has Seonghwa licking his lips, nervous to voice aloud what reasoning his brain has just put together.
"This might be nothing, like genuinely I might be insane here, but…" Seonghwa shakes his head, sighs, and turns his phone towards his friends, showing the messages. "Read these and then tell me what you think of them."
They read in silence, while Seonghwa stews in his thoughts. Is it really just a huge coincidence that someone that has been following him for a long time, whose name also begins with the same letter, now seems to be having the same dilemma as Hongjoong, the mysterious leader of Yeosang's band?
"Seonghwa, how long has this been going on?" San asks.
"We have been talking for a long time but this, specifically? A few weeks, maybe longer? It's only in the past few days that the messages have increased and he mentioned the music video explicitly though. Before that it's been just normal conversation, he would comment on my posts, usual stuff, you know?" Seonghwa answers.
"What, he's just been harassing you to be in his video? Creepy." Wooyoung mutters, as he scrolls further up the chat.
Seonghwa blinks. "No, no way, it's not been like that, we actually got on really well and he's been pretty respectful when I've turned him down before. It's just these last few messages he just seems more… Desperate." He doesn't know why he rushes to defend H, but he doesn't want Wooyoung or San to think bad of him, he really has been polite in nearly all their conversations and he doesn't want the wrong impression of him getting out.
Wooyoung sends him a look that heavily implies distrust, and Seonghwa rolls his eyes at him. Instead of replying directly, Wooyoung clicks on to H's account and looks through his photos. Seonghwa fidgets, nibbling on his lip as the familiar landscape photography comes up on his phone screen. Of course he had looked at H's profile many times. Curiosity had gotten the better of him and he had wanted to know who this mysterious supporter had been, but there had never been a hint of his face or anything remotely identifiable from it, other than the fact that clearly H had a good eye for photography and fashion. Seonghwa had known that already though.
"He travels a lot," San comments, and then makes a small sound of excitement. "Hang on, let me check something."
He pulls out his phone, and frantically starts typing before quickly dropping his phone on to the table. On the screen now sits a tour poster, striking maroon backdrop with five infuriatingly attractive men standing in front of it in dark outfits. Seonghwa picks out Yeosang immediately, his hair a bright white.
"Check the location data with the tour, look." San points at the photo currently still open on Wooyoung's phone. "Here this H guy was in London last January, which is exactly when Illusion were playing there, and here too, a photo from Paris…"
It keeps going, each photo on H's profile seems to follow the tour pattern of Illusion perfectly with a lag of a few weeks between photos. They stop after they can trace nearly the entire tour through this faceless Instagram before they pause, and sit back in their chairs.
"Well. Fuck." Wooyoung says.
Seonghwa says nothing, stunned into silence. His thoughts are everywhere, scrambled around as he tries to figure out what he should try and work through first. He has been talking to a famous idol this entire time, one who had taken a shine to his account before he had even had his first big viral video. This idol now also wants him—needs him, in fact—in his music video and it's now causing friction between him and the rest of the band. And of course, one of those band mates was his best friends' best friend.
It makes his head hurt.
"I don't understand how this has happened," Seonghwa whines, pulling his phone back towards him to scroll through H's account, pausing on a photo of the Eiffel Tower. "How would he have even found my account all the way back then?"
"Yeosang must have shared it," Wooyoung says.
"What?"
"Well, we obviously shared your channel with Yeosangie when you started and he must have shared it with the other members and Hongjoong must have seen it then too."
Hearing his full name instead of H makes Seonghwa flinch, as the realisation really hits him. "Oh god I've been ghosting Kim Hongjoong."
San laughs, "I don't think many people would have had the opportunity to do that hyung, you should consider yourself lucky!"
Seonghwa just groans and leans his head into his palms, rubbing faintly at his temples and hoping his brain will offer him a solution that will resolve this easily. Unfortunately, nothing comes to mind quickly.
"Hyung, what are you going to do?" Wooyoung asks, his voice gentle and the same tone he uses when he's trying to get a child to do something in an activity.
"I don't know," Seonghwa replies, "I really don't know. I don't understand what it is about me that he could possibly be jeopardising his career over, he has never even seen my face! I've never even been in a— wait, what was that look?" Seonghwa breaks his own sentence off when he sees Wooyoung and San both shift, their gazes locking before instantly darting away from each other.
"Oh. Uh… ah…" San stalls, looking incredibly suspicious.
"What?" Seonghwa presses, flicking between his two friends.
"He's definitely seen a picture of your face," Wooyoung mutters, still turned slightly away from Seonghwa.
Seonghwa's mouth drops open, before he shakes his head in disbelief. "How would you know that?"
"We met Hongjoong once, there was some event at their main office and Yeosangie invited us along because we're close with all the other members—well, other than Hongjoong, of course—but this was the one time he was there! It must have been a few months after you started posting, so he would have already been following you I guess but, when he heard we were the ones that knew you, he definitely seemed more interested in talking to us. Not that he was rude or anything before that though, he just definitely perked up."
"Which makes a lot of sense now," San adds.
"Right, now it all makes sense," Wooyoung continues. "But he was just asking us about school and how that was going and I showed him some pictures of that school trip we had just gone on hyung, where we went kayaking after we had finished work and I told him how sexy you looked…"
"Wooyoung! You did not!"
"Yes! I showed him that thirst trap pic of you, I'm so sorry!" Wooyoung apologises in word only, laughter bubbling on every word as he realises what he's done.
Seonghwa thinks he might explode. "Oh my god, I can't believe this, why would you have done that."
"You looked really hot hyung, Hongjoong was practically drooling over it if I remember correctly," San offers, as if it's a consolation.
"This is so embarrassing! He is probably messaging me thinking I'll do some modelling gig for him when I don't want my face associated with anything I do!"
"Are you sure though, what if he knows that? He's been watching your channel the whole time, surely he knows about how strict you are with your identity?" Wooyoung says. "Just because he thought you were hot doesn't mean that he wants you just to show off your sexy, sexy abs and face sculpted by the gods."
Seonghwa kicks him under the table, and then proceeds to grab a glass of water and chug it down. "I think I need to actually talk to him about this, at the very least I think I need to turn him down properly so he can, I dunno, find someone else for the project or something…"
"I think you should give him a chance, hear him out, you never know. Maybe it's something you will really enjoy?" San says, and the look he levels Seonghwa with is sincere.
Too sincere, and it has Seonghwa glancing away, feeling his general apathy to his job bubbling again. He stands from the table, before it can explode out of him.
"I'm going to go," he wipes a hand over his face, pushing his fringe back and out his eyes, "I'm gonna go home and… have a really big think about what I'm going to do. H—uh, Hongjoong already has my manager's email address so I guess if he was really serious about it I'll hear from him soon enough."
Wooyoung and San bid him a goodnight, and hug him closely, making him promise to keep him updated on the situation and if there is anyone else sending him unsolicited messages to not just assume it's a hot idol in the future. They both clearly think it is very funny, but Seonghwa could barely cobble together a smile for it as he stumbles out of their flat and back outside for the short walk home.
The whole way home, he is consumed by thoughts of Hongjoong.
What could this idol possibly see in him that he couldn't find from the veritable army of models, or dancers, or other people that he surely has at his beck and call to be in his music videos? Seonghwa is just an anyone from the streets, who hides his face on social media for the fear of his future and is too scared to pick a career path truly.
Would Hongjoong still want him if he knew how scared he was all of the time? Would that put him off having him in his MV?
Not that Seonghwa really understands why he is even so obsessed with him in the first place. Sure, Seonghwa objectively thinks he puts a lot of effort in to his videos, and has always tried to be authentic, even when he started getting opportunities he has striven to be honest and make sure he never praises something just because he was gifted it. In fact, his followers often joke about how they don't think he can fake being enthusiastic about things, that even though they can't see his facial expressions his body language gives him away. Sure, he might be able to hide his little life routine fibs, but when it comes down to fully pretending to like something, that is a different story.
In fact, there was this specific time, when Seonghwa had been gifted a perfume from a brand, and he had gone live to talk about it. He'd been extra careful to keep himself hidden from the view of the camera, with a hat pulled low and a face mask on as usual, but to smell the perfume he had pulled his mask down just slightly, and his followers still use his reaction image to this day. He could not keep a straight face at all. The perfume had smelt absolutely awful.
Seonghwa shakes his head, getting distracted from the matter at hand thinking about how that one snippet of his face has haunted him for months. To try and focus himself back on the Hongjoong issue at hand, he pulls open his phone, opening up twitter to try and find out any additional information on his band and what the fans could possibly be thinking with Illusion's comeback being postponed.
He opens up his account he uses to share his videos, before he searches up the band’s official twitter. There aren't loads of posts, just a few links to their own personal fansite with some photos attached, some announcements of the members appearing on some YouTube shows, the usual kind of things to expect from an idol group twitter. It's not until Seonghwa scrolls a few weeks back that he finds some photos from a concert behind, the five members all squished together, cheek to cheek. They are glowing, likely from some very good make up and lighting but they all look so happy.
Unconsciously Seonghwa zeroes in on Hongjoong, drawn in by how bright his smile is, the way his eyes squint slightly with the way he is so tightly pulled in by the other members. He zooms in closer, and glances up from his phone to narrowly miss walking into a lamppost.
Someone titters as they walk past, muttering about people being attached to their phones, and Seonghwa's cheeks flush as he realised he was so distracted staring at a picture of Hongjoong that he had completely lost track of where he even was. Luckily he wasn't walking into a road, he doesn't want to think about how embarrassing that could be.
Pocketing his phone, he resolves to get home before he deep dives any further, and focuses on walking as quickly as possible—definitely not edging in to a jog at the thought of being able to find out more information. Arriving at his door, he keys in his passcode in record speed, toes off his shoes and then slams into his small sofa, phone already back in hand.
This time he backs out of the official page, and instead starts searching for Hongjoong's name, using his hashtag that he immediately finds. From there, it's easy. Dozens of pictures, clips, think pieces from fans—of which there are many. Hongjoong is clearly very popular.
Seonghwa finds himself staring intensely at one video of him doing some very intense body rolls. He licks his lips before he even thinks about what he is doing, before quickly pulling his phone away and staring into the middle distance.
"Park Seonghwa you are doing research on a potential client and most certainly not getting a crush on a idol that you can never have." Seonghwa mutters to himself, tapping his phone on his thigh to try and make the words sink into him properly. He sits for a few moments more, repeating it like a mantra, before he allows himself access to twitter again.
This time he specifically tries to stay away from the thirst traps or sexy choreography. Hongjoong is most definitely attractive to him though, that ship has long since sailed, but he tries to maintain a professional distance that would be more appropriate and instead limits his internal monologue to thoughts on how good the styling of a certain shoot is, how nice his eye make up looks. He keeps it as safe as he can, even if somewhere in the back of his brain there is a part of him that absolutely just wants to fuck.
Seonghwa moves on from pictures more rapidly, just trying to get a feel of the fanbase. Wooyoung and San had told him about how everyone seemed to know that the comeback was meant to have happened, but how did they all find out? That was something he wanted to get to the bottom of. He finds himself deep diving through several accounts, piecing things together small tidbits.
It seems the members had all been dropping hints for a comeback, looking suspicious as they did so, until about a month ago where it all just stopped, and they had barely been online since. There had been a big end of year performance event too, with a little musical snippet that had done the rounds on social media as well, fans getting excited and starting to prepare for a comeback and then…. Nothing.
Some people were taking it well and others, well, let's just say they were taking it not so well and there were several lengthy messages tagging the official account.
The timeline is incredibly, unfortunately, identical to Hongjoong getting more and more desperate with his messages with Seonghwa. They were considerably less favourable than the first tweets Seonghwa came across and make him realise just how frustrated the fanbase must be to feel like they have something coming, only for it to disappear completely from them, and then for all the members of the band to disappear too…
"Oh god," Seonghwa whimpers, and buries his head into a blanket on the back of the couch.
Somehow, Seonghwa's reluctance to respond to a random person online has now caused one of the largest kpop boy groups to have a comeback delayed to the point fans where threatening to call in some vans to wait outside. They were saying the company was fumbling their potential! What if they found out it was actually Seonghwa this whole time and turned their ire on him?
And yet again, he is brought back to the thought that Hongjoong is refusing to do this music video without him, for some reason that is still unclear to him.
Seonghwa quickly backs out of his twitter and quickly opens kakaotalk, finding his conversation with his manager. They haven't spoken in a few days, but that doesn't stop Seonghwa frantically typing away.
Mina-ssi, I'm not sure if you have had an email from someone asking me to be in a music video? I know I would normally turn this kind of thing down but I would like to actually speak to them about it before I do this time, would you be able to set up a meeting with us? That would be wonderful if you could. Thank you.
He sends the message without checking it back over, not trying to think too deeply about this decision and whether it's actually the right one or not but right now, he just needs to see Hongjoong, to meet him in person.
He needs to know what Hongjoong sees in him, and how he might be able to see it too.