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He isn’t despair— He still believes in you..! Go to him, Munakata!
Kyosuke’s heart was beating a mile a minute, conflict coursing through his veins as he tried to comprehend what the other had said. He had watched all those he loved fall to despair, and the despair it had brought himself had essentially made him lose his mind. Chisa’s despair had been the tipping point for him, but Juzo’s despair was what truly had destroyed him. The person he considered closest to him, a loyal companion and friend— He had trusted Juzo with his life, and he betrayed him. Those were the thoughts that had plagued Kyosuke. But perhaps… He was a little too hasty in assuming the worst of his friend. Juzo, somehow still alive, after all he had endured, was using his last shreds of energy for the sake of them all. And if Kyosuke knew Juzo as well as he thought— Juzo was doing it for the sake of him.
So, he ran.
Kyosuke fought off the guilt and sadness that crept up his spine long enough to find his resolve and find Juzo, throat tight as he let his legs carry him. It was the gravity of the situation hitting him that forced him into a full sprint, chest heaving desperately. He only hoped he could make it in time, to apologise, at least once. Juzo, who had done so much for him, who had loved him unconditionally through the years, had been merely cast aside by Kyosuke in a fit of his own rage, anger that was birthed from his hatred for despair. And yet, his inability to focus on the hope that despair made room for had caused him to lose control and do something that he now gravely regretted.
But, perhaps if he was fast enough, he may be able to atone for what he had done.
Strong legs still rattled as Kyosuke ran to Juzo however, fear heavy in the pit of his stomach. All kinds of dread fell to his shoulder, asking himself things like, What if I’m too late..? What if I can’t see him one last time… I want him to see me, I want him to know that I was there—
Kyosuke squeezes his eyes shut, hardly feeling his bracelet unlock and clatter to the ground, yet understands exactly what it meant. Juzo had succeeded, and stopped the game. But really, at what cost?
Kyosuke shoves past the door, panting and glancing around the room frantically. The scent of fresh blood is thick in the air, and it nearly causes him to wretch, but he pushes on knowing exactly why he was here. He catches sight of what he can only assume to be Juzo’s blood pooling on the floor, trailing off into the power room. That’s where Juzo was, Kyosuke knew that, but his legs were frozen where he stood. He couldn’t move and he couldn’t go in there, because…
… Juzo was already dead.
Kyosuke already knew that he was too late. There was no way that Juzo was ever going to make it out alive, and the moment his bracelet had fallen away, he had realised that it was enough to assume that it symbolised how Juzo, now too was gone.
Forcing himself to see Juzo now as he was now seemed like too much pain for him to handle, even now his heart already felt like it was going to burst, but when it came down to it, ignoring his death and refusing to face it head on was the greatest disrespect he could ever commit. So, despite wanting nothing more than to turn away and pretend like Juzo was the despair he thought he had been, and settle in his mind that his death was deserved— Kyosuke finally takes the first steps towards the truth, bracing himself for what he would see.
Past the door, past the blood staining the floor, Kyosuke sees a lifeless figure with it’s arm outstretched, still clutching the final power switch. It was such a powerful pose, and yet the body that was laying in it looked anything but. Vulnerable, powerless… Everything that Juzo wasn’t. Kyosuke felt hesitant to come closer and see his face in that moment, unable to even imagine how pained he must look. He has to physically remind himself why he was there however, mutter to himself exactly why he was doing this before he finally stepped in further, and finally met Juzo’s face. His eyes trailed up the other’s peaceful form, trying to hold back tears, but the moment he laid eyes on the other’s face, there was no way to stop himself, breathing in shakily before everything finally snapped.
Juzo’s face, eyes relaxed shut and lips pulled into the smallest of smiles had Kyosuke feeling sick to his stomach, sick with complete and utter guilt. Juzo’s smile, even at the very end, Kyosuke knew it was for him. To think that he had finally collapsed after turning off the power, only in order to save them all, and he had died smiling because of it; Kyosuke could feel his heart shatter right then and there, falling to his knees without the strength to hold himself up. All at once, every bit of emotion, every bit of love and every sign of weakness he had held back broke out, eyes welling up with tears before one long, heavy-hearted sob left him. It was Kyosuke’s worst nightmare— He had been too late, he hadn’t been there to save Juzo at the very end, and still; Juzo was able to smile for him. Just that thought made Kyosuke’s cries go on for what seemed like forever. Almost like he was a child again, crying for his mother, he cried boisterously for Juzo, both mourning and celebrating his death. After all they had been through, and after all he had put Juzo through, he was happy to see him finally at peace. But at the same time, he missed him already so much that it hurt to even breathe.
Pathetically, Kyosuke drags himself over to the other’s body and watches him for a moment, almost with hopes that his eyes would open, tell Kyosuke how silly he was for crying this much over his death. He knows Juzo would not have wanted it this way, but Kyosuke couldn’t help himself. What was worst of all, worse than any other part of their whole awful story, was the words of love, the truth that was never seen. Kyosuke, for years, had known that Juzo’s affection for him spanned further than just friends. Juzo had loved him, had shown him all the time how much he loved him, and yet… Kyosuke, blinded by hope and despair, had never seen that he truly did feel the same way. Kyosuke loved Juzo, with every fibre of his being, and would have told him every day if he could have, and didn’t, all because of something as silly as hope and despair. Everything seemed like a mistake, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.
With another great sob, Kyosuke finally lifted his shaking hands to take Juzo’s face into them, cupping his broken and bruised cheeks as gently as he could. The reminder of Juzo’s expression, brought on a whole new wave of tears, eyes squeezing shut when he couldn’t take it any more. There was so much still left to say, and even if Juzo wouldn’t hear it, Kyosuke wanted to be honest regardless.
Juzo… I’m so sorry, for… For not making it in time… I never manage to make it in time, and now it’s all over… I’m so sorry..
Kyosuke hardly gets the words out before a sob rips from his throat again, the sound—
…
Kyosuke gasps quietly, eyes flying open as his own sob wakes him up, heart thumping in his chest and body feeling stiff. Everything he had seen, Juzo’s lifeless body, that heart-wrenching smile— It had all been just a dream..? Kyosuke slowly calms his breathing and rubs his face, head slowly dipping to the side to check on Juzo, hoping he hadn’t woken him up. Much to his surprise however, and very soon, his horror, Juzo isn’t at his side, as he usually would be. In his state of half-asleep confusion, the absence of Juzo makes him panic, sitting up in a hurry and looking around.
“Juzo? Juzo— Where are you- Juzo!” He calls, very quickly getting worked up by his own worry. Had what he dreamt been real? Did Juzo pass away..? Kyosuke’s breathing speeds up and he grabs at his chest, tears collecting at the corners of his eyes all over again, quite nearly destroyed by the thought that Juzo wasn’t there. Before he had a chance to break into a fit of sobs once more though, he hears hurried footsteps padding down the hall, Juzo’s head of messy hair bobbing into the room. His face was riddled with shock, and he was still only in pyjama bottoms that nearly refused to stay up. In his hand was a tall glass of water, presumably the reason why Juzo hadn’t been in bed and asleep right now. Upon seeing him, Kyosuke’s eyes went wide and glassy, face impossibly hot when he realises his own stupidity. Juzo wasn’t gone— He was just getting something to drink. And yet, because of his dream, he had immediately thought the worst and gotten himself all worked up for nothing. Juzo looked mortified too, as though he had done something wrong, and Kyosuke immediately regrets his outburst, trying his best to stifle his tears now.
“Kyosuke…” Juzo starts, eyes softening. He quickly trots over to the bed, setting down his glass of water before nearly sliding into bed beside Kyosuke, curling his arms around him protectively. He looked so worried, Kyosuke couldn’t help but feel guilty, which in turn, only made the crying worse. “Kyosuke, what’s wrong..? Are you okay?” Juzo tried to comfort the other, and it took a few moments of rubbing his back and simply being by his side before Kyosuke felt his voice come back to him, only just a little shaky and weak.
“Juzo, I had a dream… I thought you had died, and— It was all my fault… I’m so glad— I’m so glad it wasn’t real…” His voice, deep and hoarse, tapered off as he pressed his face into Juzo’s neck, relishing in the comfort it gave him. There was no need to say anything else, Juzo understood his fears and was there to comfort him, easing them onto their backs. The best thing for Kyosuke now was to cuddle up to his side and relax, let himself remember that Juzo was there, alive and well, and wouldn’t be leaving him any time soon.
The two of them laid there for some time, barely awake but not quite asleep either, until Kyosuke had calmed down again, enough to lift his head and speak.
“Juzo, your company means so much to me. I want you to know that I treasure you more than anything else in this world. Whatever I did right to be blessed with your love, I’m forever thankful that I did it—“ He cuts himself off, just barely spotting the look Juzo was wearing. Bashful surprise, Juzo looked as though he had been kissed by an angel, entire face plastered with embarrassment and joy. Just seeing his reaction made Kyosuke smile, his own cheeks getting hot with shyness. Juzo was too precious… But Kyosuke wouldn’t have it any other way.