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Everyone thinks I am a prince, they believe I was born as one and that I have always been one, but inside my heart I know that I am only a simple shepherd of sheep and that is what I will be until the day of my death, no matter how much I try to no longer be it, I never stopped being a boy with feet full of mud who learned to walk surrounded by poverty for being a peasant, with no greater aspiration than caring for his parents when he grew up.
My father died when I was far too young to even learn how to speak properly, perhaps not in his true death, but alcohol had already taken him from me many years before he truly died when I was ten years old, his death left me with a mother who hid her sadness behind the chores of the fields to keep poverty from swallowing us alive, even so, despite his problems with alcohol he had always been kind to me and my mother, caring for the both of us above all things even while he always seemed so terribly sad, years later, I understood that perhaps he always felt so sad because he missed his lost son, James.
My father was my greatest hero despite everything, he was my world and my greatest inspiration to become a good man, he was the only man who ever told me “I am proud of you” without having to negotiate anything in return, neither loyalty, nor pretending to be my dead brother, my father had always been proud of me unconditionally, until the day he never came home again and I had to learn to grow up quickly to become “the man of the house” and thus be able to take care of my mother.
After that came king George, I suppose perhaps I should see him as my adoptive father, but the king never loved me, I was only a replacement for the son he actually wanted, a way to keep alive his lineage and legacy which had died with James.
George became in a certain way the master of my freedom, I traded my obedience and loyalty so that my mother could have a good life, to return a little of everything she had done for me, in those years when she suffered alone after my father left.
My “new father” gave me a new name that I did not want because it belonged to a brother I never even knew existed until he died, he gave me new clothes that made me feel like a fraud as if my own skin were nothing more than a costume, he gave me the legacy of hero, soldier and heartbreaker of my dead brother and a sword that I had to wield with the confidence of someone who wanted that life, but it was not my life, it was James’s, a false identity as my only armor before the rest of the world.
All the Enchanted Forest believes that I am James, even when I smile kindly at the citizens of Snow’s kingdom as James would never have done, even when I ride at the front of an army to fight against Regina’s men as I know James never did, even when I promise Snow White that I will love her until my final breath even though I know James never loved anyone but himself, they do not see any of those things or differences, they do not see that I am not him, only my great love knows, well she… and Rumplestiltskin who was the one who got me into this mess in the first place.
Tomorrow is the wedding night I fought for during so many years, to be with my true and only love will finally become reality, I would have loved for my mother to be at my side on this day but I know she is now in a better place beside my father, I wonder what my father would think of me and my marriage with Snow, would he be happy? I am certain he would have loved my princess, it is impossible for anyone not to love her, but I do not know if he would be proud of the man I became in his absence.
At night the fires of the castle will be lit to celebrate the consummation of a perfect tale, now that the princess and her prince, the Charming one defeated the evil queen, but I am not charming, not in that way, I have never touched a woman with more intention than a trembling and nervous greeting, I have never been desired the way James the heartbreaker was, the songs of my many conquests were not written for me, they were all about my dead brother whom I never knew.
Now I am about to marry Snow, the most beautiful and wonderful woman who has ever existed, she who knows me as I am with no lie between us, she who looks at me and does not see James, she who touches me and says “David” with a tenderness that disarms me, but even so there is a corner inside me full of fear, fear of not living up to who I am supposed to be, fear of not knowing what to do when I am with her, fear of being an impostor even in love as I am in the rest of my life.
That is why I went to seek him, even if it was an irrational madness that should never have crossed my mind, I went to him because no one sees through me the way he does, because there is no mask he does not tear away so he forces me to be myself always even when I am terrified of knowing who I truly am, I went to Rumplestiltskin because when I stand before him I feel that I can be something more than a copy of James, whenever I am with him I feel at least... a little bit real.
The hidden room in the palace where I decided to summon him smelled of ancient dust and burned wood, surely it had been used as storage a long time ago, but it was clear no one had come here for years, which suited me perfectly, Rumplestiltskin moved as always, like a pampered cat with no hurry whatsoever, as if time were his pet, I could not help thinking that this was very possibly a benefit of immortality.
“Did you know that I thought you would come for an potion of virility or something more… rudimentary? Men are that simple and predictable when it comes to sex”
Rumplestiltskin’s sing song voice and his crude words did not crush my will, or well they did a little to be honest, but I definitely could not back down after summoning him, the imp hated when someone wasted his time, Snow losing her mother’s necklace forever was more than enough proof of that.
“That is... not... not why I asked you to come, what I want is... for you to teach me”
My voice was not as strong as I wanted and I definitely hated that I had stuttered the first part, but Rumplestiltskin still remained staring at me with those golden reptile eyes, which always unsettled me, first with curiosity but then they grew darker and sharper.
“Teach you what? What is important enough that you make me waste my time with you, David? I am certain you are not foolish enough to believe I would teach you magic”
His voice became sharper and his posture far more tense, I was definitely entering dangerous territory, I do not know why Rumplestiltskin believed I wanted him to teach me magic, but the sorcerer definitely seemed to grow angrier and angrier at the idea, so I acted quickly speaking on impulse to avoid my premature death.
“That thing you mentioned when you arrived… sex, I want you to teach me how to be with a woman, so that I know what to do to have intimacy with Snow”
Rumplestiltskin stopped instantly, his anger seemed to vanish completely in a single second, he simply observed me for a long time with a gaze that moved between confusion and amusement at the absurdity of my question, for the first time in a long while I felt seen without being judged, the sorcerer had always found me amusing, at least that was something normal in our relationship.
“Tell me little prince, why me among all people? I am sure any servant or prostitute would be more than willing to help you”
Rumplestiltskin had not killed me immediately after I asked him to teach me how to have sex, so that at least was a good sign, but his question despite being quite fair truly confused me, I did not know what I was supposed to answer to keep the scaly man happy.
Besides I did not really want to answer no matter what reply came to my mind, but Rumplestiltskin seemed to grow more impatient with my silence, so I answered with complete honesty and without any filter because of fear.
“I called you because you understand how desire works better than anyone else, power means absolutely nothing to you because no one is more powerful than you, so I know you would gain nothing by telling anyone about my request unlike "any servant or prostitute" like you say, besides you never called me James, you see me as I am and you force me to be myself… and that frightens me… and... and.. attracts me”
I do not know why I said that last part it truly was not necessary to convince him and I felt my face redden immediately after hearing my own words, but I suppose he appreciated the honesty because now he at least no longer looked annoyed, in fact he looked almost interested, Rumplestiltskin always mocked me and told me it was amusing to watch me struggle, but this time he did not look mocking but genuinely curious and perhaps even pleased, or well as pleased as a half reptile man can appear.
“Very well David, I will help you then” he said at last with his little sing song voice, although it sounded a little less sharp than usual.
“But David you must understand that this is not a lesson that can be given only with words, are you truly willing to do what is necessary?”
With a movement of the sorcerer’s hand the room became immaculate and in it appeared a bed, a desk and two chairs, the dark one sat in the chair before the desk and looked at me as if I were a foolish puppy while he waited for me to sit before him before beginning the session.
The class was clinical, almost medical, Rumplestiltskin spoke of sex as if he truly did not care about it, which was not so strange to me, I was never entirely certain the imp was human in the first place, perhaps for his species reproducing that way was unnecessary like with fairies and dwarves, instead Rumplestiltskin was twistedly philosophical about every emotional part of having intimacy with another person.
“Intimacy does not begin with the body but with the ego David, that is something very important”
Rumplestiltskin traced invisible circles in the air as if he were trying to draw, sometimes there were small golden sparks leaving his fingers when he wanted to emphasize something, but aside from that his hands seemed almost lost.
“Do you know why men fear intimacy but not sex? Because there is no mask in intimacy, no title that truly matters, in your strange specific case there is no brother to copy, you could become as good physically as he was, and your brother certainly had a reputation as a good lover, but James is not you and he could never know Snow the way you do, it will do you no good to try to be like James”
His voice was soft like silk, I do not think I had ever heard the Dark One speak with such calm, it still carried that sing song edge but even so I could not help feeling hypnotized, perhaps I was, one never knows with Rumplestiltskin, he might have been using magic to keep my attention entirely on him and I will never can tell, the limit of what he could do was completely unknown.
I only nodded like a student in a ritual, perhaps that is why there were so many mad wizards in the Enchanted Forest, if learning magic felt even a small part as addictive as this lesson, it truly did not surprise me that so many people lost themselves in that power forever.
“The act itself… is a negotiation between two vulnerabilities, one bares his soul completely before the other person, it is a contract without fine print where both must be completely honest, do you think you can do that David?”
His words were strangely paternal almost like a father giving the talk to his son when he first begins to show interest in girls, it was in the moment that thought struck me that I realized, I had not had a father for a very long time.
This conversation should possibly have been one I had with my father and not with Rumplestiltskin of all people, but in truth I had never had it with anyone, I learned everything alone since speaking with my mother about such things felt wrong somehow, but Rumplestiltskin… he had always been there, guiding me, mocking me, shaping how my relationship with Snow should be, the first and only girl I had ever liked in my life.
Rumplestiltskin was the closest thing to a father figure I had at that moment, a dark and cynical stepfather perhaps, but present nonetheless.
He dressed me as a prince when I needed it, he taught me how to pretend so that no one would suspect I was not James even though he gained nothing from it, he helped me find Snow White when I was sent by the evil queen to the infinite forest asking me for basically useless garbage even though Rumplestiltskin always demanded nearly your heart for the most frivolous of deals, with all that in mind I simply could not refuse anything he asked of me, not in these moments.
So when he asked me to simulate an approach with him about what I would do when I had intimacy, to practice “the dance of emotional approach”, I did it, not because I wanted to… although perhaps I did a little, but because I needed approval, it was the closest thing I would ever have to my father saying he was proud of me again.
I leaned down until I was level with his eyes despite the fact I am far taller, I held his golden gaze like newly polished coins and said the phrase I had memorized even though it felt completely ridiculous and sentimental.
“Do not fear showing yourself before me, because I too am undressing myself with you…”
Rumplestiltskin raised an eyebrow amused, that was definitely not the reaction I wanted from him, I am not sure what I wanted to hear him say or see him do, but I do know with certainty that it was not for him to mock me again as he always did.
“David… did you just try to seduce me?”
His voice filled with sing song delight as if he still treated me like a child, one whose father had found him stealing food from the kitchen while everyone slept, all of this was merely childish mischief to him, all my effort swallowing my shame and flirting with the dark sorcerer who might or might not in some way resemble a father figure to me completely wasted.
“No! Or yes! I do not know! It was part of the exercise, you asked me to do it, do not act like it was not!”
I was giving everything I had to accomplish what he asked so that he might feel proud of me, to prove to Rumplestiltskin and to myself that I could do it to be with Snow White, and yet he had the nerve to throw all my effort in the trash and react like this, I could not help turning red like a tomato and stammering as I never had in my life.
He burst into laughter that was almost indulgent, he did not seem surprised that I was imitating a lobster with my color, even so it was by far the happiest I had ever heard Rumplestiltskin sound, his real laughter sounded nothing like the shrill mocking cackles he always made, it was thicker and richer, a little deeper and twisted as if he were not accustomed to laughing sincerely, despite the terrible embarrassment I felt I would have liked to hear him laugh like that again.
“Freud would be having a heart attack and a banquet with you, charming boy”
I had no idea who the hell he was talking about nor who Freud was supposed to be, but even so I could not help standing up still red like an apple trying to escape my own humiliation.
“This was a mistake, I definitely should not have asked you for help”
“No David wait, this was not a mistake, it was a glorious therapeutic session”
He said it still smiling with his teeth while his eyes shone faintly with the light entering the room making him look like a hungry predator far more than usual, and the man already looked like a snake about to strike most of the time.
“That said I think you are ready, now go and emotionally stumble with your princess, you will be surprised to know she is afraid too, Snow is as new to intimacy as you are David, I do not know why you worried so much and made a storm out of a glass of water”
Well at least that sentence calmed me enough, Rumplestiltskin was right about something I had not even considered because of my fear of being insufficient, Snow White was as new to this as I was, she would not care that I was unsure what to do with her, that was why she was the most wonderful woman in the world, she was always understanding and honest, truly I had nothing to worry about.
I stopped at the door because I had to hear from Rumplestiltskin’s lips that I had done things correctly, the little devil was in an extraordinarily kind and charitable mood that day, he had not even asked anything from me for making me feel better about my insecurities, perhaps he had taken payment in laughing at me, even so I could not avoid asking the question that always circled my mind endlessly since I had to “become James”
“Rumplestiltskin… do you think I could ever become myself and feel good about who I am?”
He looked at me and for the first time there was no mockery, only a shadow of understanding and sadness, perhaps he understood what it was to pretend to be someone else, or perhaps he did not like who he was either, despite being one of the most important people in my life and the only reason I am still alive, in truth I knew nothing about Rumplestiltskin, no one knew anything about him, apparently he had wandered the Enchanted Forest for centuries but even so he was close to no one, for the first time in my life I wondered if the little devil felt lonely, he had said he was a fan of true love when I asked why he helped Snow and me, but perhaps he only wanted to be with someone even if only through his deals.
“I do not know David, but if you begin by wishing it… perhaps… it is a very difficult question you know, even for me, and I cannot give you the answer despite all my power, what I can say is that for me David, the you that you are when you are David, I have always liked far more than the you that you are when you pretend to be your brother, for me you will always be more than James”
His answer, by all the gods of the world, his answer did strange things to my mind, I returned to the chair and sat with him, I knew what the second part of the lesson was, the sorcerer had told me, this class would not be resolved with words alone, Rumplestiltskin seemed surprised at first as if he believed I would humiliate myself in the first part and simply run away, that was probably his plan now that I think about it and his words about “practicing the physical part” were nothing more than empty threats to intimidate me, but it did not matter, I had to do it, I would never forgive myself if I lost the opportunity for Rumplestiltskin to say he was proud of me again today.
Even though I truly did not know what I should do at first, or if Rumplestiltskin would kill me for even daring to touch him, the devilish imp quickly allowed me to take control, when I took him by the edges of his leather corset and pulled him close to kiss him I thought I would die, I was kissing the Dark One, the most powerful sorcerer in the Enchanted Forest, with a single movement of his hand he could kill me or something worse, but he allowed me to lead as if it were something completely normal for him to yield to someone far weaker than himself.
What followed was not physical in the mundane sense, it was something more primitive, more symbolic, I wanted to prove something to him, that I was not a child, that I was not weak, that I did not need protection but recognition.
No matter how much I tried to focus my mind the sensation of Rumplestiltskin beneath me was too intoxicating, because of the scales I thought his skin would be rough and rugged like that of a crocodile or a dragon, but it was smooth and soft, cool like a breath of clean air after being trapped in a cave, far more similar to the skin of a snake than to anything else.
Rumplestiltskin was in many ways that, a snake, beautiful, dangerous, predatory, hypnotizing even though he could kill you at any moment, and his words were a poison more lethal than that of any other animal in the world.
I undressed him little by little, I had never noticed that Rumplestiltskin actually wore an enormous amount of clothing, almost as if he tried to cover every piece of his skin so no one could see it, until I had so much trouble removing them that he offered to do it with magic with an entertained little laugh while he watched me as if I were a clumsy child who did not know how to use the newest toy he had been given.
But I could not bring myself to accept it, I wanted to prove to him that I was ready, that I could do it, every new piece of golden and emerald scaled skin that I revealed was like discovering a treasure, I had never truly thought about what the scaly man would look like beneath his clothing, the tight leather corset and trousers like a second skin did not leave much to the imagination to be honest, but seeing him without them was completely shocking.
Rationally I already knew that I was bigger than him, not only in height but also in musculature but seeing the comparison now with the two of us naked and me above him was a completely different story, his thin limbs and slight build made him appear delicate almost feminine despite his reptilian traits, where I was hard defined angles he had soft curves filled with an iridescent golden shine in his scales.
I guided, he allowed me, and every movement of mine was a silent affirmation almost a plea perhaps, look at me, touch me, accept me as I am, I could not stop thinking about that, in every bite I left on his skin, every mark and every kiss, I only wanted him to tell me he was proud again, I could think of nothing else, even with his hypnotic voice giving me instructions between small sighs and soft moans that escaped him when I did something particularly well.
Rumplestiltskin only took control for a moment when I finally positioned myself between his legs with his thighs resting over my shoulders, he had a scar on his knee, it was the only wound that ruined the smoothness of his skin, I tried to touch it to examine it better, I had no idea how someone could have managed to hurt the almost allmighty Dark One, but when my fingers reached the scar he quickly moved my hand away, his eyes looked far sadder than I had ever seen them.
“It is bad manners to touch what you were not given permission to touch David, please, you have other things to focus on”
His voice sounded disappointed with me, I did not want that, I wanted him to tell me he was proud, I did not want to disappoint Rumplestiltskin, so when he closed his legs a little more trying to draw me closer to him I could do nothing but follow.
Perhaps I could ask later about the wound on his leg, it did not seem to bother him despite looking terribly painful from how large and deep the scar was, perhaps I would have to forget I had seen it entirely, in any case Rumplestiltskin was right I had far more important things to concentrate on, such as the embracing heat of his entrance so close to my groin which was more than interested.
Rumplestiltskin released a small laugh that irritated me because once again it was his false little devil voice, I wanted to hear his real laugh again, the deeper warmer one, the one that had the same tone as the moans I managed to pull from him when I bit his neck around the Adam’s apple
He explained that the next part was a little different between men and women while he gently moved his hips bringing his entrance closer and closer to my groin, until the tip of my member barely brushed his hole, my mind short circuited for a second, hearing what he was telling me without understanding why the hell he brought up the subject so suddenly, until my thoughts cleared a little.
For a moment I had forgotten why I was supposedly doing this with the imp, of course it was only a lesson and nothing more, only practice so that I could learn, all of this was supposed to be only so that I would be enough for Snow on my wedding night, for some reason remembering that formed a knot in my throat and almost completely killed my excitement when I remembered that technically I was cheating on my wife on the very first day of our oficial marriage.
I was about to tell Rumplestiltskin that all of this was a mistake and that I had changed my mind, that I did not want to betray Snow, but before I could regret it I felt his hand on my cock touching me of his own will for the first time during our encounter, his grip was hard and firm almost a little painful, but even so when he began to move his wrist gently to excite me again he certainly accomplished it because I do not remember ever being harder in my entire life.
He looked straight into my eyes as if challenging me to stop him while he still held me firmly guiding me directly to his entrance until with a small moan and a quick grimace of discomfort on his part I felt the tip of my penis push through the ring of tight muscles.
Damn it, his interior was so warm tight and soft that I could not help groaning desperately, even if it was only the tip I had never felt anything remotely like this in my entire life, I cannot believe I tried to back out, of course it hurt to have betrayed Snow, but it was difficult to think of her when Rumplestiltskin moved his hips making me feel how I pushed deeper and deeper into that delicious hell that was the tight interior of the sorcerer until my hips collided completely with his skin when I was buried to the hilt inside him.
“Gods you feel so good, Dad…”
I froze immediately when I realized the stupidity I had just said, I had been speaking during everything we had done before, perhaps partly from my nervousness and also because everything I did needed him to tell me I was doing it right, constantly asking for his validation so he would tell me I was making him proud, but this calling him Dad, I was certain Rumplestiltskin would kill me, and with good reason this time.
I have no idea why I said it, well I do but I would rather not analyze why and dig deeper into my abandonment traumas, it was not a biological title, it was not that I believed he was literally my father, it was a cry from my bones and from the depths of my heart, the cry of that boy who lost his father, who was raised by a cold king, and who now sought to belong… even if it was in the arms of the darkest and most wicked magician in the Enchanted Forest.
To my surprise Rumplestiltskin did not kill me for my slip… he only looked at me surprised for a moment before lowering his legs from my shoulders bringing them to my back to pull me closer as he crossed them behind me, he held me with both hands behind my neck bringing me even closer to him, my face directly above his, his eyes had softened greatly almost as if he were happy or maybe moved.
“Easy David, everything is fine, you feel very good as well”
He whispered in my ear making his breath send chills through me from how close his lips were to my ear, his voice was so deep, the sing song tone had disappeared completely, yet it was terribly gentle almost as if he were trying to calm my panic for the foolish thing I had said.
“You are doing very well David, you are making me feel… so proud of you son”
The last part Rumplestiltskin said with a muffled moan because he had moved his hips to show me that he wanted me to continue what we had begun, that was all I needed to begin thrusting harder seeking to hear that deep voice moaning my name again and again, I bit his neck so strongly that I could feel his pulse on my tongue each time I licked every mark I had left, I wanted to keep making him proud, I wanted to show him I could always make him proud.
I continued calling him dad again and again while I thrust faster and deeper, he did not stop telling me what a good son I was, how proud he felt of the good man I had become, I only pulled him closer and closer to me until my chest completely covered that of the smaller man while I kept kissing every piece of skin my mouth could reach trying to show in every movement who I was.
And in that moment I was so many things, I was a man wanting to make his father proud, a boy forced to grow too quickly to care for his mother, the adopted son of a king obsessed with his legacy, the lover it seemed of the most wicked sorcerer in the world, a lost madman who had betrayed his wife, a Prince Charming who despite everything still loved his princess with all his heart.
“Dad I am close, too close, I am gonna to... where should I…”
I was about to cum, he probably would not have said anything if I had done it without warning him but somehow it felt rude not to at least warn him, he only looked thoughtful for a second before smiling crookedly again.
“Inside David, do it inside, fill your dad with pride”
Even if I had wanted to pull out of him which in truth I did not want to do it would have been impossible, his legs kept me close making it difficult to move, but it did not matter I was exactly where I wanted to be.
When I finally cum inside the sorcerer filling him completely with my seed, for the first time, I felt fully… real, I was not James, I was not Prince Charming, I was not David, I was only myself, and I loved being myself and remaining buried inside Rumplestiltskin with my cock still throbbing and pulsing releasing the last drop I had within me.
Rumplestiltskin only smiled with his mocking expression and when I separated from him I noticed his member was not even awake or interested, almost as if he had not been aroused even for a moment during our entire encounter, which made me feel a completely failure.
I did not even have time to feel miserable for realizing that apparently I am a terrible lover because with a flourish of his hand Rumplestiltskin was already fully dressed and standing beside the bed looking at me with a calm smile as if I had not been coming inside him only seconds before.
“I will assume you do not want any of this to be known David, do not worry no one will know, and regarding the price dear well you and I will speak later about that”
His sing song voice and the mocking wink at the end did not make me feel any better at all, I suppose he noticed my uncomfortable frustrated silence after failing as a lover because he spoke again this time with his calm voice.
“You did very well David, do not torment yourself thinking you are not enough, you are more than ready to go to your princess and show her what you are made of, son”
The last word again sent a shiver down my spine but before I could say anything he began to disappear.
When the golden smoke with which he always vanished wrapped him completely leaving me naked and alone still lying in the bed he had conjured I simply took my clothes and dressed myself ready to leave knowing that I could never again enter that room without thinking about how incredible the inside of Rumplestiltskin feels.
When I returned to Snow she smiled at me with tenderness, her eyes full of the same love and devotion I felt for her, that night when I approached her in our first time together I was gentle as I had not been with Rumplestiltskin, I was brave as I was supposed to be, I was myself and I felt completely happy.
But in the most hidden corner of my mind, in the deepest part of my heart and my soul… I could still hear the little devil’s voice telling me what a good son I was, and how proud he felt of me.
No matter how much I tried to avoid it I still wanted to be seen by him, I wanted him to enjoy being with me as much as I enjoyed being inside him, I wanted that next time he would finish as strongly as I did while he screamed my name.
Despite how much I love Snow, I still wanted to make Rumplestiltskin feel proud.