Work Text:
Using your creative imagination, picture this scene and the tragedy that unfolds:
You see a frantic Subaru, bursting through a set of doors. A worried look plastered across his face as insurmountable dread stirs inside him.
He's scared and runs to the closet person whom he can find. He sees a random butler who mearly extends his finger and points in the opposite direction.
Subaru leaves him and finds Felix standing with morose look and equally terrible news.
The two exchange brief words and Felix leads him to a closed door.
The scene shifts and Subaru stands, speechless in front of a bed.
Lying on her side, facing away from Subaru, is Ram, holding her abdomen and shedding tears.
Okay!
Now that I've effectively (hopefully) ruined SilverFlightSaber’s day, let's get down to business.
Look, Emilia reeks at cooking. She has absolute zero knowledge of the fine art of cuisine. She can't even boil water. So of course, popping popcorn is completely out of the question.
However, fate is a cruel mistress who enjoys mayhem and has placed the important task squarely in her hands.
Typically, Rem might have handled this, but Emilia was so certain she could pop popcorn that she had the second best girl convinced she could do this.
And unfortunately the primary best girl—Ram—could only boil a potato.
Now of course there are others, like Frederica, but she is busy, so chill, and re:forget about her.
Alright, shifting back to present day, present time, Emilia stands in front of Subaru's revolutionary invention, the Microwave, trying with all her might to prep an unpopped bag of popcorn.
“Huzzah!” She says to herself after seventeen minutes of trial and error.
Placing the bag into the microwave Emilia dials in 67 seconds and proceeds to whistle to herself, but only after obnoxiously saying: “6-7,” in a low voice.
She snorts at her joke and goes back to whistling out-of-tune.
“67 minutes later Roswaal’s newly built mansion is on fire.
While Roswaal desperately tries to put the fire out, Beatrice, who has been snacking and playing Roblox up until this point (yes, Subaru has also introduced brain rot game culture to Lugunica) looks up at Emilia and says:
“Emilia, I suppose. You're a fucking idiot, in fact.”
-The end,
Love Dirkmcdirt