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I went to sleep with pizza on the counter and now Lucky ate all the pizza and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on his leash and he was using my favorite purple sweatshirt as a bed and got fur all over it and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast Tony found an Iron Man helmet in his cereal box and Steve found a Captain America shield in his cereal box but in my breakfast cereal box all I found was breakfast cereal. I think I’ll move to Latveria.
On the helicarrier Maria Hill let Natasha have a seat by the window. Thor and Bruce got seats by the window too. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said, if I don’t get a seat by the window I am going to be helicarriersick. No one even answered. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
On the field Fury liked Kate's way of just hitting the target better than my way of flipping off the building and hitting the target, even though I still hit it. At debrief time he said I never listen. When I gave him my paperwork he told me I forgot form 16D. Who even knew there was a form 16D? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I could tell because Bobbi said I wasn’t her best friend anymore. She said that Peter Parker was her best friend and that Natasha was her next best friend and that I was only her third best friend and definitely not her husband anymore. I hope you sit on a tack, I said to Bobbi. I hope the next time you get replaced by a Skrull no one even notices and they leave you forever in Latveria.
There were two cupcakes in Peter Parker's lunch and Natasha got fresh blueberry scones and Thor got a whole thermos of mead. Guess whose handler forgot to give him dessert? It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
That’s what it was, because after the debrief Coulson took us all to medical and the doctor just made me get a cast. Come back next week and I’ll remove it, said the doctor said. Next week, I said, I’m going to Latveria.
On our way to Stark Tower the elevator door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for Happy to go get the car Tony said that was because JARVIS didn't like me and then he made me fall where it was muddy and then when I started crying because of the mud Jess said I was a crybaby and while I was punching Jess for saying I was a crybaby Happy brought the car and he told me to stop fighting girls that I like. I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.
So then we went to R&D to get new guns. Natasha chose black ones with red stripes. Tony chose red ones with gold stripes. I chose purple ones with purple stripes but then the weapon man said, We’re all out. They made me get plain old black ones, but they can’t make me shoot them. I'd rather use my bow anyway.
When we picked up Coulson from the helicarrier he said I couldn't play in the vents but I forgot. He also said to watch out for the forms on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my elbow. He also said don’t fool around with his tech, but I think I bombed Latveria. Coulson said please don’t pick him up anymore. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
There were Russian mobsters at my building and I hate Russian mobsters. There was a new episode of Dog Cops on TV and I missed it. My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my exploding arrow didn't explode, and I couldn't find my Hawkeye boxers so I had to wear my Captain America pajamas. I hate my Captain America pajamas. When I went to bed Tony took back the robot he said I could keep and my SHIELD alarm went off twice even though there wasn't an emergency and I bit my tongue. Natasha wants to sleep with Bucky, not with me. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Coulson says some days are like that.
Even in Latveria.