Chapter Text
Izuku was tired.
He has been tired for a long time.
It had all started when he was five years old. There was a villain attack, and even if he doesn’t remember most of it, he remembers how scared he was; that all he cared about at the time was his mom. Inko Midoriya.
Mom died after being shot by a villain who was running away from Death Arms. In the end, the heroes managed to capture the villain, but the casualty remained. Izuku still gets nightmares about it, about the scene, the smell, the scream.
In that moment, Izuku decided he wanted to be a hero, just so another kid didn’t have to see what he had seen. He wanted to inspire people, to give them hope for a better future, to make them want to live.
But all that was just hope. After all, a quirkless Deku like him could never become a hero. Not without a quirk. Even All Might said it, a hero needs a quirk. And even though he had promised himself, his mom, that he would survive to adulthood, that he would become a hero who helps everyone, that he would bring hope to the other people in the quirkless community, he can’t help but think how easy it seems to give up.
It was Eraserhead, or Aizawa Shota, who found him. It was nice, at first.
Dad, as Izuku calls him, has a husband, Yamada Hizashi, pro hero Present Mic, or Pops. At the beginning, it was just the three of them and the cats, Can, Bastard and Mr. Paw, but soon, that changed.
Dad and Pops were investigating a case that was confidential, something about a chain of toxic foster homes or whatever. In the end, they had saved over thirty kids, but a special one stuck out.
His name was Hitoshi Shinsou. They instantly decided to adopt him, mainly because of two things; one, he had a ‘’villainous’’ quirk, just like dad, and two, he was muzzled, just like pops. Also because Hitoshi didn’t really have anywhere to go. They related to him very much, so they decided to adopt him. And Izuku understood that he would never fully fit in with their little trauma bonding secrets, he was still sad that he didn’t experience the same things that they did.
Don’t get him wrong, Izuku absolutely didn't want to get muzzled he already was, once, a kid forced him into a closet and muzzled him. Izuku said that he fell and scraped his face. But he just wanted to fit into their family on a higher level.
It was pretty obvious that their family favoured Hitoshi. After all, Histoshi was the one that got to spend a movie night on their couch with their parents, watching some comedy films. It was Hitoshi that got to go shopping with Dad and Pops on a Saturday evening. It was Hitoshi that got extra lessons on how to use the capture weapon Dad used. It was Hitoshi that they played board games with when he was bored. It was Hitoshi that deserved it.
Izuku didn’t experience the same things that Hitoshi did. In the good and in the bad sense.
Izuku didn’t get offered help with his homework. He didn’t need it. He wasn’t invited to make hot chocolate on late December afternoon. Who even liked hot chocolate? Izuku did, it was his favourite thing his mom made. He didn’t get to train with their parents. It made sense, Izuku could never be a hero, after all he was quirkless; there was no hope for him.
And even though he doesn’t mind it that much now, a seven year old Izuku did, in fact, care.
/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ
Izuku didn’t understand why the kids didn’t like him so much.
After his mom went to the better place, as Pops once said, the kids in the kindergarten started picking at him even more! It was frustrating! He tried to apologise, but they just laughed at him.
He has had enough, so he decided to tell his parents, just as they told him to a few months ago.
It was afternoon, Dad was on the couch and Pops in the kitchen. Izuku loved his parents, and his momma always told him to go to a trusted adult, like herself, if something bad ever happened.
He walked up to Dad first. Oh! Hitoshi is on the couch too!
“Dad?” Izuku said from behind the couch. Hearing the man’s grunt of acknowledgment, he lightened up and stepped forward in front of the couch.
“Well.. Uhm.. There are these kids that are kind of being mean?” Izuku said without looking up at his dad.
“Mhmm…,” Dad grunted, not taking his eyes off the screen. “I’m kind of busy right now. Can you talk to your Pops, Izuku?”
Oh. That’s okay, though! Hitoshi probably had another bad day and Dad wanted to stay with him! Izuku nodded his agreement and ran off to the kitchen.
“Pops?”
Hizashi was looking over some papers, what the adults called files.
The man looked at Izuku before smiling at him and getting back to work. Only Izuku wasn’t having it.
“B-But Pop! There are some kids that-”
“Sorry kiddo! I’m really busy right now, this case is driving me nuts. Maybe ask Shou?”
Izuku’s eyes widened, and his mouth slightly opened. There were people being mean to him, and his parents weren’t doing anything! Momma always said that adults would help, so why aren’t they?
“Pop! But it’s really important! And Momma always said I need to talk to someone if something bad ever happened and-” He wanted to continue, but got interrupted by his father.
“Izuku. I really can’t right now. Go to your room, and we’ll talk later, okay?” Pops said in a stern voice.
Izuku couldn’t really argue, and Papa promised to talk later! So, he could just wait a little bit. It won’t hurt him! He was still a little sad though, but he understood, so Izuku followed his Pops’ orders.
-
It was getting late, and Izuku was still waiting for his Pop to come in and talk to him. He tried coloring, but got bored and switched to analyzing some new heroes. It was his favourite hobby since he could remember, and it always took up his time.
He didn’t notice how late it had gotten, but it was already dark outside, and the little lamp at his desk was his only source of light. Izuku yawned and stood up with a plan to talk to his father and ask why he hadn’t come down.
He crept down the stairs, and when he didn’t see anyone in the kitchen, he went to the living room. There, he found Hitoshi, Pops, and Dad, all sitting cuddled up on the couch, the TV on, emitting a light glow and showing subtitles. He understood now.
Ever since Hitoshi joined their family, things have been… Weird. Izuku had noticed that Papa and Dad stopped being as enthusiastic with him as they were before. They had started spending way more time with Hitoshi, and while Izuku understood that they were trying to get Toshi used to the family, it still hurt.
Eh, whatever. They had more important things to worry about than just some kids picking on Izuku.
He sighed and walked back to his room.
/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ
Izuku still remembers that day. Though to them, it must’ve been just another Friday.
Now, walking to the building All Might left him on, he realised that that day wasn’t that much of a deal.
He was eleven when he truly realised that he was the black sheep of his family; no quirk, no relatable trauma, no bonding exercises. Just sitting in his room, analysing heroes and counting the days.
Izuku had been preparing his final day for months, but he always ended up putting it off, but after what today has brought with it, Izuku doesn’t think he can handle it anymore. After the whole ‘take a swan dive off the roof of the building!’, the ‘..so no, I don’t think you can be a hero without a quirk.’, and the running-in-to-save-Kacchan-from-the-Sludge-Villain, Izuku finally broke.
He already had the letters ready from the months that he’d been debating suicide, but Izuku decided to re-write them so that he could add little bits here and there. He had a letter for his parents, Hitoshi, Kacc- Bakugo, Bakugo’s parents and the man at the convenience store that never judged him.
Izuku had met the man when he was about twelve, going home from school, when he realised he was hungry, and his family was out on some trip. He didn’t want to cook, so he decided to go to the nearest convenience store to buy some instant ramen. He also needed bandages, antiseptic, a burn cream and some painkillers for the worst days.
The cashier was a young man, likely in his mid twenties. Jay, as he told Izuku to call him, was from America, having moved when he was eight. He had short, dark brown hair that almost looked black, brown eyes, and was slightly tanned. During later visits, Izuku would learn that the man was also quirkless. It soon became Izuku’s favourite convenience store that he visited almost every day after school.
He wasn’t extremely close to the cashier, but they could still chat casually without having to worry about awkwardness. Sometimes, when the store was empty, they would talk about the difficulties of being a quirkless person. They had shared some of their experiences, nothing too personal, more like the tip of the iceberg, but still.
Enough about that. Izuku was getting closer to the building. The sun was almost set, creating a peaceful atmosphere. He soon found himself staring at the entrance, and with a push, the door opened. It looked like some kind of abandoned building, but way cleaner.
The hallways were empty, the sound of Izuku’s shoes on the cold floor being only a whisper as he shuffled to the roof.
This was it. Izuku Midoriya’s life was going to end here.
funny they never changed his surname…
-
The sky was many different shades of orange, red and yellow. Pinks and purples blending in on some parts making it look just like a romance movie scene. Izuku just needed a date and he’d be set.
He shuffled to the railing and looked down at the street with bone deep exhaustion.
He wondered what his family would think of it. Would they say they ‘didn’t realise’ or ‘thought Izuku was doing well’? They could say that they don’t recognise him, that he’s not their son or brother. Say that the officer must’ve mistaken the apartments or something. Maybe they would silently be relieved, the outcast of their family finally gone so they can stop pretending they care.
Whatever. It’s not whatever.
Izuku sighed but took off his shoes and lined them up next to the railing, putting the letters under them. He propped himself up and over the barriers, holding onto them with his hands.
Looking out to the horizon, he felt… numb. Izuku thought it would be more dramatic, like ugly crying, screaming and cursing whatever and whoever, etcetera, etcetera. It was kind of peaceful, nothing stopping, nothing pushing; Izuku liked that.
He saw a mother with her kid on a walk, a four year old Izuku getting ice cream with his mom after a dentist appointment, an old man with a cane, his grandpa died before he was born, but he remembers the pictures of an old man with grey hair and a long beard that his mom showed him , a teenager with their mother, maybe in another universe, that would be Izuku and Mom, and many more people just going about their day. He spent some time like that; just looking at people and wondering what was going on in their head.
Izuku hadn’t realised how late it had gotten until he stopped seeing any people at all. It was almost 11PM, but he didn’t have any missed calls or unread messages asking where he was or what he was doing, so he guessed it was fine.
Finally, with a slow sigh, he prepared to jump. Checked that his bag was on the roof, his boots lined up perfectly, the letters safe so that they wouldn't fall off if there was any wind.
He let go with one of his hands, took a deep breath, and…
“Kinda high up here, dontcha think?” A voice rang out.
“Eek!” Izuku was caught off guard, and accidentally let go of the railing with his other hand. Not having anything other to help him balance or stay put, Izuku fell forward and off the roof.
Oh. I’m sorry for the person that’s gonna have to see a pancake covered in blood on the sidewalk, I guess.
–
“Ya scared me there, kid! Glad I was able to get you up, right?”
While, yes, Izuku probably should be decorating the sidewalk with his blood, the person that had scared him apparently had a… yoyo.. that was super strong and somehow managed to pull him back. Woah, Izuku can cross that off of his bingo list.
He wondered what the yoyo was made out of. Maybe something similar to his dad’s capture weapon that was made out of carbon fibers and a special metal alloy? No… Maybe something quirk enhanced? Could be… Maybe a metal-strengthening quirk? But at the same time, isn’t it rope? Or is it a strengthened rope? Or rope with metal? Like a bendy metal wire or something? But to hold up a human? That thing’s gotta be super strong if it can hold up at least sixty-something kilos (about 134 lbs). Maybe it was inspired by some pre-quirk era comics? Izuku has heard something about some ‘spider-man’ from the TV once. But spider-guy used webs, so there isn’t much chance that’s it. At the same time, that would mean that this stranger is a pro hero, or at last a vigilante. Perhaps a friendly villain? But if they’re a pro, wouldn’t they try to send him home? Or maybe some kind of therapist? Wait, but-
“Woahhhhh, slow down will you? I can’t keep up with that speed!”
Oh, right. He was on a roof. A roof he almost fell off of. A roof that has a stranger on it. Fuck.
“Oh! Uhm, yeah sorry for that, ha, i have a habit of mumbling. Sorry.” Izuku looked down and fidgeted with his fingers, trying to process all that had happened in the last, what? Five minutes?
“Would you mind backing up from the ledge, kiddo?” The guy(?) said with a soft smile on his face.
Izuku’s eyes widened and he immediately did what he was told to. He was now standing in the middle of the roof, hands twitching and eyes darting around as if to see if anything was coming.
The newcomer also looked around. They took Izuku’s shoes and backpack in their hands and turned to scan him for any potential injuries. When they found none, they lightly nodded to themselves and slowly stepped closer to Izuku to be able to talk to him without having to shout. When they took in his face, their eyes slightly widened as if in recognition, but it was gone before he could blink.
“Heya, we haven’t done proper introductions yet, so I’ll start. I’m Pro Hero Nightfall,” A Pro Hero?!? Wait isn’t it the hero that’s.. “,he/they if you’re wondering. And you are..?” The hero trailed off as if to show that it’s Izuku’s time to speak.
“I’m Izuku Midoriya!,” He squeaked out “Uhm, also, if you don’t mind me asking, which is, like, totally okay if you don’t want to say!” He waved his hands around in the air “But I’ve seen a post on UndergroundHero.Net and I was just wondering if it’s true and I kind of expect it not to be but..” His voice got quieter and quieter until he fully trailed off and looked at the ground while fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Now that he thought of it, Nightfall’s voice sounded eerily familiar..
“Hey, spit out, yeah? I’m kind of trained for stuff like that as a hero, so go for it!” The hero shot him a bright smile and a thumbs up.
Izuku took a deep breath in, composing himself, before looking at the taller man in the eye.
“Are you also quirkless?”
The words cut through the air like a knife through butter. The temperature seemed to drop a couple degrees, making Izuku shiver. Nightfall’s expression changed instantly, going from a bright smile to wide eyes and a slightly agape mouth. The wind rustled between them, ruffling their hair and clothes. Finally, after what looked like an internal debate, Nightfall spoke.
“Yes, I am. But Midoriya, how did you know? I mean, I know about UndergroundHero.net or whatever it’s called, but this is some serious information. It shouldn’t be out in the public for anyone to read! Why even is there a thing called Undergroundhero.net? Like, I understand a Hero.net for example, but they’re Limelight Heroes! Not Underground! Oh gosh.. I’ll have to bring this to my boss. Jeez, there’s gonna be so much paperwork to do.” Nightfall whined.
Before the hero could continue his rant, Izuku interrupted him.
“It’s not official! Like, you know, just some fan-made theories and stuff, nothing confirmed! A-And it’s not that easy to find! Well, you just have to know what you’re looking for, but it’s not very popular!” He tried to calm the man, not wanting for him to be mad at Izuku.
Nightfall exhaled a long sigh and regained his composure.
“Okay. Alright. We’ll talk about this later. We have more concerning issues at hand.” He looked around as if to emphasise the point.
Oh. Izuku almost forgot that he came here to kill himself.
The silence after was awkward, it was clear that the hero didn’t have much, if any, experience comforting suicidal teens, but at least he was trying in his own way, right? It’s the thought that counts, after all.
“So,” Izuku looked at the hero, “What now? Like a ‘don’t do this’ talk, or..?”
Nightfall cracked a nervous smile at Izuku. “Yeah, well I’m shitty at this, but I’ll try, and you better appreciate the effort, got it?” He giggled a little at that.
The man slowly reached out to ruffle Izuku’s hair. Izuku stiffened for a second, but quickly melted into the touch, smiling the widest he had today. He doesn’t know when was the last time someone ruffled his hair, or actually touched him without trying to cause physical harm.
Izuku tried to stifle his sobs at the thought, but once The Midoriya Tears started, they wouldn’t stop until after he cried himself dry. Nightfall visibly panicked at first, but quickly found an easy solution and slightly opened his arms in an invitation to a hug. Not pressuring, just offering. Izuku jumped at the chance.
–
Izuku and Nightfall were walking on the sidewalk side by side. The sky was dark and the stars were shining as bright as they could. Izuku wanted to ask Nightfall all about his yoyo and his hero persona, but he didn’t want to be invasive.
“So. Since we’re going to your house and all, I’m probably gonna meet your parents, right?”
Izuku stiffened and stopped walking. He didn’t want Dad and Papa to find out about what he had tried to do today. He didn’t know how they would react if they found out their son is suicidal. Sure, with Hitoshi, it would be a whole another story.
They’d increase his therapy sessions, first and foremost. Then, they would probably move Hitoshi to a different school, one with an even stricter bullying policy, likely something private; just like they had done when kids at Aldera started bullying Toshi. They didn’t move Izuku. Maybe they just didn’t care.
But Izuku? The kid who got good grades and behaved well? The kid who didn’t ever ask for anything? The kid who was perfect? No, it couldn’t be.
Would they send him to a psych ward just because they didn’t want to deal with him, or would they actually care, for once in their lives? Would they start seeing him as more than a stranger in their house?
The hero was a few steps away from Izuku, looking at him with something unreadable. Not pity, just understanding mixed with something deeper than Izuku could see.
Izuku considered asking Nightfall what he had asked All Might. If his dreams are reachable, if there was any hope for him, if he could be a hero. Right now. Just them and the street. He knew that Nightfall was quirkless. But what if he thought otherwise? What if it’s not the quirklessness but just Izuku that isn’t suited for heroics?
The hero seemed to see the turmoil inside Izuku, so he smiled softly in an encouraging way.
Izuku took a deep breath in, bracing himself.
“Can I be a hero even without a quirk, just like you?”
“Oh? Yeah.”
That was it. No ‘yes, young man you can become a hero!’ or anything like that. Just a 'yeah'.
Nightfall had his hands in his costume’s pockets, slouched shoulders and an easygoing grin across his face, although his eyes told a different story; one of understanding and empathy.
Izuku stared wide-eyed at the man in front of him. A man that answered the question he had been asking himself for over a decade with a simple ‘yeah’.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
The tears were hard to keep in, but Izuku managed.
“But you’d need some muscle on ya. You’re like a stick, dude!” Nightfall added with a smile and finger guns.
And.. well.. fair. Izuku might weigh about 60 kilos and wasn’t starved, but he didn’t have any muscle, which was quite important for heroics. He’d never started a proper workout routine, because for that, he’d need bigger and better meals, and it’d be weird if he’d just randomly asked his parents for a diet. Although he could say it’s just for health, so perhaps…
“-o yeah, are you listening?” Oh, Izuku was daydreaming. Oops?
“Eek! sorry! What were you saying?” Gosh, this is embarrassing!
“I was asking if you knew how to fight. ‘Cause, well, I kind of have some free time and could train you? Only if you want of course! And if your guardian accepts.”
Oh, Shouta and Hizashi had to accept. It made sense, after all, it would be weird for Izuku to hang out with a grown man.
“I’d love to! Uhm, do you think you could tell my parents that it’s just for self defense? I don’t know how they’d feel with me being a hero when I’m..” He trailed off, pointedly looking at his bright red shoes that every quirkless person had, unless they got a custom order, of course.
The hero thought about it and nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure we could pull something off..” He glanced at Izuku, debating silently in his head, before speaking, “They still need to know why a hero is with you.”
Kami, no. “Can we just say that I almost got robbed or something? I don’t want to worry my Dad..” Izuku looked at the ground.
He heard a sigh, but his eyes stayed glued to the road. “Alright. We’ll do that, but only if you promise me you won’t try to do it again.” The firm voice made Izuku’s shoulders square up, but he understood. It was logical, after all.
“I-I promise!” He squeaked out.
“And! That you’ll attend our training lessons if your parents agree.” Nightfall nodded with a bright, but not overwhelming smile. “Oh! Also, I could train you on how to use The Yoyo!”
Izuku gasped. He’s sure that if he were holding anything, it’d immediately fall to the floor, just as his jaw was right now. The yoyo! He was so excited to learn what it was made out of!
He regained his composure and started walking again, almost running, towards his house.
“Hey! Wait up!
–
“So, this is it. Ta daaaa!” Izuku lifted up his hands as if to present his house like some kind of portrait.
It was 1AM now, although Izuku wasn’t worried. It was movie night so that meant that Hitoshi and at least one of their dads were on the couch.
“Not much. I like it.” Nightfall said fondly.
Izuku went to unlock the door with his key. The door thankfully didn’t creak when opening. He went inside and when he didn’t hear any footsteps behind him, he turned around, looking at the hero who was awkwardly standing at the porch.
“What are you waiting for?” Izuku raised an eyebrow.
“You sure this is okay? Well, okay, I guess?” Nightfalllooked around before stepping inside and putting his shoes off and lining them next to Izuku’s own.
Izuku rolled his eyes and stepped further into the house.
The living room was just around the corner on the left, and the kitchen opposite of that, on the right. Further down the hall on the right was a bathroom, mostly used by Hitoshi, Izuku, and any guests they might have, and on the left a study for their parents that they sometimes used for classified cases. Then, there were stairs leading to the second floor. There were four rooms. One Izuku’s, one Hitoshi’s, one for their parents, and a guest room.
The house wasn’t big, but it didn’t feel cramped. That was one of the things Izuku liked about their house.
Just as he predicted, Hitoshi and both their parents were on the couch, watching TV. ‘Toshi was between Dad and Pop, almost dozing off, eyes half closed. Izuku ushered Nightfall to step into the living room with him.
They were moving to stand behind the couch when Dad noticed them. He was quickly on alert, his posture straightened and eyes sharpened.
“Izuku, why is there a stranger in our house? And why does he look like a cosplayer?”
Pops and Hitoshi finally noticed them and also turned around. Shouta stood up and walked over to be between Hitoshi and the stranger, Hizashi doing the same. Nightfall just smiled and waved shyly.
“Ah, this is Nightfall. He’s an underground pro hero, and that’s a costume, not a cosplay.”
The hero mentioned slightly bowed before speaking. “It’s good to meet you, I’m Nightfall. We have some things to talk about, so I’d prefer it if we could sit down somewhere, but long story short, I rescued Midoriya-san from a small robbery.”
Shota’s eyes widened momentarily and his sight turned to Izuku to scan him for injuries. When he saw none, he visibly relaxed and mentioned to the couch with a ‘go on’.
–
Everyone was in the living room. Hitoshi on an armchair, Shota on the end of the couch, along with Izuku in the middle and Nightfall on the other side. Hizashi was standing behind the armchair Hitoshi was sitting on, slightly leaning on it.
“Go on, explain.” Dad’s voice rang out.
Izuku took a deep breath before speaking, “I was hanging out with some friends at the arcade,” Lie. “And we lost our sense of time, it was already dark outside, and we don’t live near each other so we went our separate ways.” In. Hold. Out. He didn’t like lying to his parents.
“I was walking and out of nowhere, a shady guy appeared. He asked me for money and things. I said I didn’t have any and he got mad. He was ready to attack me, when a yoyo wrapped itself around his waist.” Shota quirked a brow at the yoyo thing, but didn’t interrupt.
Izuku continued, “Yeah so Nightfall beat him up, walked me home, and now we’re here.”
The silence was awkward. Hitoshi looked concerned, Hizashi looked like he didn’t understand what was being said, and Shota looked done.
“That all?” He asked, suspicious.
Izuku exchanged a look with Nightfall and nodded.
“One more thing.” Nightfall started. “I wanted to train your son in self-defense and potentially some fighting skills, so that he can defend himself should any similar situations happen in the future.”
Dad looked at Hizashi, who after a bit of consideration, nodded. He sighed and turned back to Nightfall.
“When, where, and with who?”
“The Underground Hero Agency, or UHA for short with me and potentially other heroes. Around 4PM, maybe?”
Shota hummed, and with a sigh, turned to Izuku, who was stiffly fidgeting with his fingers.
“You really want this, kid?” Yes, he did.
“I do.” He really did.
“Okay.”
Izuku’s eyes widened momentarily, but before he could say anything, Dad turned to Nightfall one more time.
“Is it going to be safe? He won’t break any bones or die?” At the other hero’s confirmation, he relaxed. “Alright. UHA at 4PM.”
Izuku visibly brightened. This was really happening! He could train with Nightfall and become the first, no, the second quirkless hero! What if there were more?! Ohohoh, Izuku was so excited he could hug his dad!
Huh, why didn’t he, though? Was it because this was the longest they had talked in years, or because he doesn’t remember when was the last time he had physical contact other than a fist bump or handshake with his family at all?
Either way, Hitoshi fist bumped him with a slight smile, and went to his room, Izuku doing the same.
All in all, laying in bed, he was still processing what had happened today. Bakugo, All Might, his attempt, Nightfall, the training he was going to start. It was all too much for one day.
He cried himself to sleep.