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Trent was looking at Jude, but he wasn't looking back.
They were at a fancy dinner the club had organized to celebrate the team's victories, which Trent had also been a big part of, giving multiple assists in the past games. It was also a way of keeping their spirits high and be motivated for the upcoming Champions League matches. After the five-course meal the players had gathered in little groups around different tables to chat and have some drinks.
Jude seemed to be in his own little world, joking around with Brahim and laughing with Franco, that he didn’t even notice Trent standing there with a glass in hand waiting for him to look in his direction, to at least acknowledge him. It was like he didn't even exist for Jude anymore.
Trent sighed, turning away, too familiar with the resurfacing hollow feeling in his chest that expanded more and more the longer he stayed there. He swallowed the lump in his throat and decided he desperately needed fresh air, to get himself under control again, to atleast get away from his supposed best friend that treated him like he was air.
He made his way to the outside balcony and tried to be as inconspicuous about it as possible without anyone noticing, but he couldn’t avoid Vini's gaze that turned from curious to concerned in seconds. He didn't stop him though, sensing that Trent needed a moment to himself and Trent was grateful for that.
When the door to the terrace finally clicked shut behind him, Trent let out the breath he was holding, his tense muscles loosening a bit not having to mask his emotions anymore. The fresh air felt good, calming his frazzled nerves a bit. He didn’t know why he felt so rattled but the realization of Jude not caring about him as much as he had thought, apparently it opened up a festering wound that he didn’t even know he had until this moment. It felt a lot like heartbreak.
Trent let out a bitter laugh. "Get it together, man," he admonished himself in a murmur.
He really tried not to feel hurt, but he didn't know how else to feel about Jude ignoring him, not even sparing him a glance throughout the evening.
It wasn't just tonight either, Trent felt like the past few weeks followed the same pattern. Jude pulling back more and more, spending much more time with their other teammates, barely exchanging words with him and only when necessary.
He'd thought they were a solid unit, they've known each other for nearly six years, since Jude's debut for England's senior team, and have gone through highs and lows throughout that time together. Especially through the lows, they were each other's only anchor whenever the media storm got too much and the public eye scrutinized their every move. Comforting the other whenever there was another agenda-driven headline in the press at their expense.
They became fast friends, trusting each other with their secrets, their anxieties that plagued them, their dreams and goals. For Trent, Jude became one of the most important people in his life, not only because they grew so close but over the years he'd developed feelings for him that went deeper than he expected. That treacherous fluttering in his chest whenever Jude smiled at him in a way that he liked to believe was only for him. He never acted on those feelings, too scared to ruin their friendship and what they had, just enjoying the little time they had together at the England camps, treasuring the moments they shared when they went on vacation together with their brothers.
But Jude apparently didn't feel the same, not anymore at least.
By the looks of it, he got tired of him. Probably because Trent sometimes still missed his hometown and his former teammates and got all gloomy about it, basically clinging to Jude as a coping strategy, because he was the only familiar thing from his old life.
But that was months ago. Now he's settled in a lot more, he spends lots of time with Vini and Dean and jokes around with Aurelien and Rüdiger, he feels a lot more comfortable now, he feels like part of the team.
Trent has to give credit to his collegues though, none of them ever made him feel left out, always including him in their talks and shenanigans, be it in Spanish, English or French and he is infinitely grateful for that.
But he was also glad that in all of this, he still had Jude by his side every step of the way. His steady presence and reassurance helped him a lot to settle in. For his young age, he really was very mature, even if he laughs it off whenever people tell him that.
They did spend some time together, going for dinner after games, but mostly in groups now or playing FIFA together online, but even that was happening less and less over time. Either Jude had too many other commitments, be it photoshoots or events he needed to attend for sponsors or Trent was occupied with his own brand deals and spending time with his family.
At the Club World Cup it felt like old times, they were basically inseparable. Then Jude went and had his long-overdue shoulder surgery, taking him away from the pitch for months and then when he came back, Trent got injured. It was like the universe didn't want them to be in the same place at the same time, not even on the football pitch. After Trent was sidelined for so long through injury, it was now Jude's turn again, not being able to play for over two months because of his hamstring.
Trent would laugh if it weren't so unbelievably frustrating. Sometimes he thinks they saw each other more when he was still playing for Liverpool. Now that they are finally in the same city at the same club, it would be a miracle if they even saw each other for a couple of minutes at the gym in Valdebebas.
And whenever they did see each other, it felt like everyone else also wanted to spend time with Jude at the same time, their teammates, especially the young ones, taking up all his attention.
So Trent retreated, giving him space, thinking they'd eventually catch up later, only to find out that Jude had already left the facilities after he'd finished his recovery practices.
Trent couldn't suppress the sinking feeling in his chest, even when he tried his hardest to rationalize the growing distance between them away. That surely it wasn't on purpose, that Jude was concentrating on his progress to get back on the pitch as soon as possible and that Trent shouldn't be such a baby about it all, it was just for the moment. But it was getting harder to be rational about it, the longer they didn't talk to each other.
Trent let out another sigh and looked out at the night sky, not noticing the opening and closing of the door behind him, too lost in his own thoughts.
"Hey, you disappeared all of a sudden."
Trent turned around, surprised by the voice and caught off guard by not being alone anymore. He hadn't noticed the tall figure behind him until he heard that familiar Brummie accent.
Jude, of all people, was standing in front of him with his hands in his pockets, his stance relaxed but his gaze questioning, clearly puzzled by Trent abandoning their group to hide away somewhere else.
Jude's always been very expressive, but Trent could bet that no one could read him as well as he can, having spent years studying his features whenever he could get away with it.
Trent schooled his expression as best he could, trying for nonchalance, and turned back around, taking a sip of his drink.
"Didn’t think you'd notice," he murmured under his breath, not thinking Jude would hear him.
He did though, furrowing his eyebrows.
"What do you mean? Of course I'd notice." He slowly made his way around Trent to stand in front of him again, trying to gauge his mood.
Trent scoffed, not having the energy to pretend everything was fine.
"You haven't talked to me in the past, I don't know how many weeks, and now you decide to check up on me? What, didn't Franco entertain you enough?" He knew he was being unfair, but in that moment he couldn't do anything but lash out. His frustrations were finally bubbling over.
A look of hurt passed over Jude's features, not understanding where Trent's outburst was coming from but he masked it quickly with an incredulous expression.
"What are you talking about, Trent?"
"Nothing just, I thought we were friends." His voice turning shaky. "I guess not." He looked down at his drink, the bubbles of the champagne making their way to the surface, glittering in the moonlight.
"What? We are friends. What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Jude asks, taken aback. Not believing what he's hearing.
"Friends talk to each other Jude, they spend time together. They don't ice you out all of a sudden when they find new people to hang out with," his tone turning accusatory.
Jude's eyebrows were climbing up to his hairline with every word coming from Trent, stunned into silence.
"I didn't ice you out T. I just..we barely had any time to see each other and then our injuries..." He was clearly trying to find a reasonable explanation but it sounded more like an excuse. He brought a hand up, driving it through his curls, he always did that when he got nervous. With his reaction Jude was basically confirming all of Trent's doubts by avoiding telling him the truth.
"Actual friends find time to see each other, the last time I saw you was when we were passing each other in a hallway, greeting one another like we were strangers." He couldn't help the defeated tone in his voice. "If you don't want to spend time with me anymore, that's fine, Jude. Just at least be honest about it." He felt his eyes sting, the hurt getting too much, but he tried his best to not let any tears fall.
Jude was listening to every word, his features looking more agonized by the second, realizing that he was the cause of Trent's anger and distress.
"That's not it at all, Trent. It really isn't," he replied fiercely, wanting to reassure him.
Trent didn’t look like he believed him. His shining brown eyes getting sadder by the second.
Jude, not able to keep up the excuses any longer, let his shoulders fall like his invisible strings were cut off, sighing in frustration and rubbing a hand over his face, angry with himself that he let it get to this point at all.
"I thought you were sick of me by now," a self-deprecating laugh leaving Jude. "We spent so much time together when you first arrived and I loved every second of it. I was so happy when you finally came to Madrid, it felt like it would never happen but then you were actually here and I felt like a dream came true." Jude's smile turning soft, remembering the first weeks together.
"And in that time I realized something important about myself." his expression turned serious. "About my feelings for you, Trent." he confessed quietly. He briefly notices Trent's stunned expression but he quickly continued, not waiting for a reaction, looking away.
"I realized the feelings I had for you were not feelings you had for your best friend under any circumstance and before it got any worse, I thought it would be best to put some space between us. To get it under control again" a sad smile twisting his mouth. "But nothing changed, it didn't go away, so I pulled away, yes, but not for the reason you think. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable because of me and I think it's better that we keep to ourselves from now on." he finished, feeling exhausted. He still wasn't looking at Trent waiting for the inevitable laugh or incredulous reply.
"That's actually the opposite of what I want," Trent whispers, finding his voice again.
Jude looks at him surprised not expecting Trent's answer.
He looks at him for a long moment, trying to figure out where this was going. Jude seemed to find his answer, fixing his gaze on Trent.
"You mean that?" Jude whispered, stepping closer.
He didn't stop approaching, effectively caging Trent in until Trent felt the wall against his back, his hands finding the rough surface behind him, splaying his fingers out, trying to cool his nerves.
"Jude, I..." he couldn't finish his sentence. Jude's intense gaze on him wandered down to his lips the moment he spoke.
Trent gulped, his cheeks coloring under the scrutiny. He had to lower his gaze to Jude's neck, not being able to hold that heated look any longer.
Jude lifted an arm, slowly placing his hand on the wall beside Trent's head, leaning impossibly closer, his breath now ghosting over his face when he spoke again.
"Tell me I'm not reading this wrong, Trent."
Trent's breath left him in a shaky exhale, finally finding the courage to look up into those dark brown and searching eyes.
He could see the hint of doubt in Jude's expression, for anyone else, he would be the picture of composure, but for the first time in a long time Trent felt like they were on the same page again, the realization giving him the confidence to answer honestly.
"You're not," he whispered, holding his gaze.
Jude looked frozen for a moment, not believing his ears, not believing this was actually happening. All this time he'd thought Trent didn't feel the same way about him, the friendly affection that quickly turned into deeper feelings he couldn't control, not being able to stop his heart from craving more and more. It was actually reciprocated.
"Fucking hell, Trent, you could have said something sooner," Jude breathed, leaning in the rest of the way to catch his lips in a bruising kiss.
It was a clash of lips and teeth, desperate to get as close to each other as possible, not wanting to waste another second apart. Jude gripped Trent's jaw in his hand, angling his face just so he could push his tongue inside, wanting to taste him. Trent moaned at the intrusion, meeting him halfway, already addicted to Jude's lips devouring him.
They broke apart after a moment to catch their breaths, Jude connecting their foreheads, breathing heavily, a blinding smile on his face.
Trent laughed, also in disbelief of the whole situation but unbelievably happy at the same time, his smile taking over his whole face.
"Jesus, you're telling me we could have had this months ago?" not able to hide the incredulousness in his voice.
Jude chuckled, annoyed at themselves that it took so long for them to get here but also happy that he finally had Trent back and more now.
Trent was still smiling up at him and Jude could never resist that smile before and now he didn't need to anymore, leaning in again to kiss that grin off his face, swallowing the small noise Trent made too.
"We have all the time in the world now," Jude whispered against his smiling lips, pulling him close again.