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Joe had been called many things. A devil, a savior, the one who granted life and death, insane, the grim reaper- most of those things were wrong. The thing he was called most often however, - that was correct. And what would this term be? Immortal. He was completely and unabashedly immortal and would remain that way for the rest of his life. In this case, being immortal doesn’t mean all that much. It means never growing sick or old but that is where the privileges die. So, what good is there just to become immortal? The thing is, no matter how much people covet the role of immortality, it is not something to be won.
Immortality is not a prize to be won at a carnival or toy store. It holds every side, every being and all knowledge. It will see what has been right, what has been wrong. Everything in between. There is no reason to covet immortality. Being alive means to die. It is after all; part of the seven classification of living beings. So, if you cannot die… are you even alive?
Does it even matter if you are alive or not? Regardless of what you think, you will not die. You cannot quietly rest. Sure, you can take all the time in the world but here in-lies the problem. The sands of time drop from your fingers until you are left with only the vague memory of something of note being there. Not to mention keeping track of everything you remember. How old was she? What did he mean? What language was spoken most recently? You will not know. You will not remember.
On the other side what is immortality. People will not be able to learn because you cannot comprehend the wholehearted existence of forever. But he can. He knows what it means. Never experiencing the pain of age and yet feeling the age with every breath of the world. Of losing understanding but not capability, of losing track of time but not his body. Of watching age slowly overtake those you once knew and love. Of them turning into a being you no longer recognize, before they return to the very ground beneath you.
The world around you is no longer familiar, as buildings turn into rubble and as everyone you could have ever known dies and everyone they knew dies with. What a strange existence eternity is.
This was not always the truth for him. The existence of immortality was not perfect one. Much like most people, he started out with no understanding of immortality. He started out with no knowledge whatsoever ever of it; after all, who would expect or understand external life? He was a simple man, just trying to make people’s lives better when he stumbled upon… it. He dares not even think its name for someone could find it and be cursed along with him.
How does one even realize they are immortal? It greatly depends on the age you were when you were cursed. For Joe it took ten years. If you were turned as a child there would be no mistaking it, you simply wouldn’t grow. If you were elderly, you would cease fading the way you had been. But for those who are in the middle of their life? Perhaps it will take longer. For there were no aches and pains, nor the expectation of them. Someone in their twenties can look like those in their mid-thirties. So, it took over five years for Joe to notice these changes. He was an explorer to his core, constantly moving around without rest. Needless to say, he didn’t catch on very quickly.
The first of the changes was the lack of exhaustion. Now this one is easy to miss. If you have a poor sleep schedule, you become accustomed to sleeping at odd times. Growing used to exhaustion or fatigue, noticing when it stops is easy. Or you could just as easily assume you have just gotten used to it. That you simply forced your body into operating on nothingness. But feeling awake would be a change. When you no longer feel the desire for bed, simply rising and moving on with your day. No longer being tired or having sore eyes, instead you are just… existing.
The second change is towards the “necessities” of life. Food and water. The human body can only survive without water for three days and food for a week. Forgetting to eat sometimes happens for those who are busy. But what happens when you realize you haven’t eaten in two days? That you no longer even remember when you last drank water? When the growls of hunger are not even there for you to notice what you are missing? Your throat never drying, never changing, for you could speak for hours, for days and weeks without needing it.
You... you don’t need it. You have no desire for anything anymore. You need no food, no water, no sleep. Is this what being dead feels like? Is immortality all that different from death? Are they simply two sides of the coin? Nothing changes, not even needing to breathe. No one can describe death, least of all an immortal. But is it so strange to find comfort in its existence?
If one cannot control the world that they have found themselves in, they will change it. You will do whatever is possible to gain understanding and a sense of consistency in your new experiences, in your new existence. For just as one cannot turn back time on old age, or fix an old regret, you cannot change the world cursing you with immortality. At least you have forever to adapt. Surely there must be some good in this new existence that was so forced upon?
Why do people even seek out eternal life in the first place? It seems to be a human desire to never have to deal with the consequences of age, but they don’t ever think of the consequences of forever. Well consequences is all you will ever be to think of. The list will stay forever, just like you will. But nothing he owns, or touches will remain forever. All the information he holds will have to stay lonely, in his own mind to forever stay. So why am I even writing this down?
Joe stood up from the dirt as the sunlight died down from yet another day. “I suppose I miss people. I’m too old to try any more, I can’t just watch them die before I even really get to know them. Too many people died in my arms… I suppose I am insane for talking to myself. Perhaps they were right all along.”
He had never planned to be alone in this curse, that was not the intent. That’s not why he created immortality. Not for him to be stuck forever in a world that will forget him, forget what he did. Maybe it was pay back for messing with the natural order of life and death. Maybe he should’ve forgotten all about his helpless pursuits and lived a normal mortal life. Perhaps that was his fault.
Many years ago, so many he had lost track, Joe was just a normal man who wanted more. Wanted to help in a way that would leave a lasting impression on the world. Something that will never leave his brain was the death that solidified his choices and his eventual curse. “I HAVE DISCOVERED IMMORTALITY!” He shouted out loud on an early morning, much too early for the village. In his defense he hadn’t exactly gotten any sleep. Most people slept as soon as the first whispers of dawn showed. He tended to be the exception to that rule, as he was the exception to many said unspoken and unwritten rules.
A woman with flaming orange hair and pale skin dragged him inside her house. His best friend Cleo. She had said something to make fun of him, or perhaps it was to shame him for being loud early? The details had escaped him. All that he remembers was Cleo showing him something before dying in his arms. Before Joe could save them, before he could show her the secret. It wasn’t like she was his first loss. And she was not the last one, not by a long shot. But their death was perhaps the catalysis. The very fact he remembers it, remembers her, after millennia should be proof enough.
For years I couldn’t muster up the courage to say anything about you. I still can’t. Your name can never escape me. Sometimes I think I see you. Either as a ghost or a spirit or just in others. Your very non-existence haunts me as the biggest mistake I have ever made. I recall the moment you passed. No matter how many years I live I cannot unsee the light fading from your eyes as you ducked into the forest and fell to the ground, immobile as your eyes which had been full of life and energy had dulled so soon.
Grieving as an immortal is different. Because I have forever to mourn. In whatever afterlife there is, I cannot reach it. The afterlife, just like everything else will pass me by. If only you had come with me. Perhaps you would’ve lived longer than your twenties. Perhaps my memory of you holds what matters. But there is nothing to do anyway. Because I am immortal.