Work Text:
“Meeting with your cop boyfriend again?”
Harold huffed once he heard his coworkers start laughing at him by the comment made by his other coworker. “Not my boyfriend, he’s just my friend.” He replied back.
The coworker scoffed, “pfft, yeah right. What kind of guy brings lunch for you? That’s fucking gay” he laughs. While the other coworkers continued to laugh, Harold could only roll his eyes and left the worksite.
It was finally lunch time, aka break time. Since he never has the time to make lunch for himself, John has always been the one to make or buy lunch and both would eat together by the shade. It was really the only time they would see each other unless either one of them had a day off. Which was rare.
Harold’s eye lit up the moment he saw the familiar figure already making its way to the spot. He felt himself speed up, “HEYY!!”
John slowly turned around, both of their eyes meeting. Harold quickly scanned the area before giving a small kiss on his cheek, “Hey! How are ya?”
“Doing alright. I brought your burgers this time.” He says as he hands the McDonald’s bag at him. Harold immediately started drooling, “Augh yes! You’re the best!” He cheered, already opening the bag to eat the burger. Too impatient to sit down.
They both sat down at the bench, both eating their shared basket fries together while Harold was talking. As he talked, he noticed an odd expression on John’s face. He couldn’t help but worry, "Something wrong?”
John doesn’t reply, continuing to stare at the fry he was holding. He immediately grew more worried, placing his burger down and softly shook him. This caused John to finally flinch back to reality, “H-Huh? Did you say something?” He asks.
Harold frowned, “Is everything alright? You seem a bit down..” he questioned John. He notices a slight change in his expression before quickly covering it up with a smile, “I’m okay, no need to worry about my love.” He chuckled, placing the fry into his mouth and grabbed another one.
Before he could pester, John brings the fry up to his face, “C’mon, say ahh”
He laughed and ate the fry with content, “Dude, you’re so corny.” He continued to laugh, John smiled and went off to stare at the sky. Despite this, Harold continued to feel troubled. There was something in John’s mind.
John is hardly the type to space off, usually it’s only if there was something in his mind. Harold didn’t know if he should either try to bring it up or just let it be. But it’ll only make things worse if he did.
“John—“
“Harold—“
They both stop, quickly letting out a chuckle. “Sorry sorry, you go first.” Harold gestures to him. John then nodded, “I was going to say that I have tomorrow off and the day after that. I wanted to ask if maybe we can.. well, hang out together at my apartment. It’s been.. a while since we last did.” He asked.
Harold quickly lit up, “Woah really? I have tomorrow off too! Let’s spend the day together then!” He cheered. John immediately smiled and gave Harold a nudge, “Alright, it’s a date then.”
They both giggle and continue to eat their lunch in silence. Harold’s thoughts wander off on the excuse he has to come up with Sharon about not coming home at all. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to worry as much since Sharon hardly cares what he does. As she even said so herself when he first made up a dramatic excuse why he didn’t come home one time.
But it was his kids that he was worried about. Mainly his son Jeison. It was mostly them where he had to come up with an excuse on why he didn't come home until the very next day. It’s hard to deceive Jeison, he’s a smart kid, he can somehow always notice if he’s either lying or telling the truth. It was like he was a walking lying detector.
It wasn’t just Jeison, it was Anastasia also. Anytime he would mention to her that he wasn’t coming home, she would always give this look. A look of suspicion, almost like she knew what he was up to. Always leaving him on edge.
They can both read him like a book. Or maybe he just sucks at telling lies, that could also be it.
Harold’s thoughts were cut off once John’s radio went off, the cops from the other line saying random codes that he didn’t understand. John says something back before standing up, “I have to go early, something about a car accident happened.” He sighed.
“Oh.. that’s alright. I’ll finish these fries for you.” He smirked as he started to grab huge handfuls and stuff them in his mouth. John rolled his eyes with a huff, “Stop eating like a slob, you’re leaving salt everywhere.” He says as he brings his hand up to wipe the salt off. Harold immediately leans in to the touch.
John’s hands were huge, much bigger than his. They could almost cover his whole cheek with just one singular hand, or how when they held hands his hands were always warm compared to his cold hands. It was one of Harold’s favorite features about him.
If only—
“Hey Miller!!”
Harold quickly smacked John’s hand away, turning around to see his coworker from before walking towards them. “Hurry it up will ya? The building owner is here and wants to talk to all of us.” He says, glancing both at Harold and John with suspicion.
His heart starts to quicken, thoughts quickly rushing in.
Did he see?
Did he see what they were doing?
Was he fast enough?
“Y-Yeah I’ll be there..” he grumbled, quickly stuffing all the food into his mouth. The world felt like it was trapping him in, the anxiety of them being caught was pushing him towards the edge.
He hated this feeling. This feeling of being afraid.
He grabbed the remaining trash and stood up, “I’ll uh.. see you later then.” He says, waving John goodbye.
John blinked, holding his own hand before waving back, “uh, y-yeah! Bye!” He smiled, quickly turning around and left. Harold watches him, the feeling of regret settling in.
He sighs to himself, following behind his coworker as he crushes up the trash and throws it at the trashcan.
‘I feel sick.’
…
“Overnight work?”
Harold nodded, “Supposedly we’re ‘behind schedule’ and they want us to work overnight so they can speed things up and.. well, just wanted to say that I won’t be coming home tonight.” He explains to Sharon.
He feels himself pierce his nails against his skin from how tight he was holding his fist. His heart thumped with fear of being caught in a lie.
Sharon stays quiet, scratching the side of her face, “Jeez.. this is bad.. Anastasia has a parent conference that requires both of us to be there..” she groaned. Harold blinked, “Huh? S-She has that?”
“It’s fine, I’ll just ask if they can reschedule it I guess.. but other than that, good luck.” She replied as she set her hair down and left the room. Harold lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn’t know why he always feels so on the edge when he already knows that Sharon doesn’t give two fucks about what he does.
Still, it leaves a certain taste in his mouth.
Maybe it just brings memories from the past.
Harold yelps when he notices a blue pair of eyes staring at him from the entrance, “You’re.. not coming home today?” He hears his son ask. He wipes the sweat from his forehead and walks up to him, "D-Don’t worry, it’s only for today. I’ll be back right before you wake up.” He assures his son.
His son could only pout, looking down at his feet, “Hm.. okay.. if you say so.” He quietly whispered, turning around and leaving for his room. Harold frowns, he hates having to lie to his kids and Sharon but they wouldn’t understand.
They would never understand.
..
Harold stood in front of John’s apartment door, his hand raising to knock but for some reason.. he couldn't bring himself to knock. Memories from yesterday were playing in his head.
He got the okay from John that he can still come over, so it should be fine! Nothing to worry about! Absolutely nothing!
But he just can’t.
Why can’t he?
Before he could truly knock, John had already opened the door. They both stare at each other surprised, “oh, you’re here early.” John says, smiling. Harold awkwardly laughs, “Uhh— Yeah! The early worm gets the uh..” he stops, “uhm.. no wait it goes like— ‘the early lizard should.. uh..”
They both go silent before Harold places the hand down.
..jeez..
…This is awkward.
John couldn’t help but snort, “Just go inside, ‘worm’” he laughed, pulling Harold inside. The scent of John immediately made Harold feel relaxed, his tense shoulders dropping low.
He makes his way to the couch, “I still can’t get over the smell of your house. It’s just so cozy here.” He purred, grabbing a pillow to hug himself with. John raises an eyebrow, “And I still don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
As John left to do something, Harold decided to look around the living room for a bit. The apartment wasn’t so over-decorated, but still had things that made it feel like home. There were picture frames of him with his parents, from when he was younger until now. Then when they graduated from highschool, and lastly the picture of him when he graduated from the police academy.
He also kept some plants and flowers he takes care of by the window. It was a random hobby John decided to take care of since he was allergic to both dogs and cats. John likes to call them ‘his babies’ .. whatever that means.
Besides the stuff that belongs to John, there were also some things that he himself added onto their home. Like a small pile of burger plushies that he has won in claw machines that stayed in the corner, including a donut plushie that John despises.
Everything was simple. But it was home.
Their home.
“I was actually going to do some grocery shopping since I’m actually running out on some ingredients for dinner. Wanna go together?” John asks as he was already putting his coat on. Harold couldn’t help but groan, “Do we really have to? Can’t we just uber eat some McDonald’s?” He complained.
John rolls his eyes, “I’ll buy you some chips, how about that?”
This immediately makes Harold quickly stand up, “Up and ready, sir.” He says with a salute. John bursts out in laughter and starts shoving Harold outside, “Alright, fatty.” He joked.
Harold gasps dramatically, “how DARE you call your boyfriend that! You can’t call me that!” He says. John pulls out his keys to lock the apartment door, “Hm, how about piggy then?”
“That’s even worse! Just say that you don’t love me. I see how it is.” He huffed, turning around with his arms closed. He feels John place his head against his shoulder, “Aw c’mon babe, I was only joking. You’ll always be MY piggy.” He says as he gives a small peck on his neck.
He giggled and slightly pushed John away, “Shush, I don’t wanna hear it.” He said as they both made their way downstairs onto the parking lot. Still laughing together.
..
“Woah, since when was this store here?” Harold says, looking around at the vibrant store. It was a Latino store with such decorative displays, entirely different to the store that he and Sharon always go to. The lights were with warm colors that made the place feel welcoming, unlike the other store.
It was rare to find a Latino store like this, since this town is mostly populated with white people. (And not to mention racist people..)
He snaps out once he feels a cart slightly bump into him from behind, “Hurry along, there’s no time to waste!” He says as he starts to already walk. Harold quickly trails from behind, still taking in the scenery. Maybe one day he’ll bring Anastasia here.
As he follows John from behind, he starts to remember from the event that happened yesterday. On how he slapped his hand away from his face to avoid them being seen.
His gut starts to twist. The look of betrayal on John’s face.
How can John act like that doesn’t bother him?
Harold steps beside John, “Hey.. John?”
John looks over at him, “Hm?”
He looks down to his feet, twiddling his thumbs, “I.. I just wanted to apologize about yesterday. Back at the worksite..” he starts off. “I-I didn't mean to smack your hand away, I was afraid of my coworker seeing it and he’s really known for spreading rumors and shit.. I just didn’t want to lump you into my mess and..”
Harold finally looks over to John, who is now standing by his cart. His expression was hard to read, he didn’t know what he was thinking. Before he could apologize again, John places his hand over his back, “You don’t gotta apologize! I thought you smacked my hand because you didn’t want me to wipe off the salt from your face.” He laughs.
“O-Oh.. wait, really?” Harold asks, to which John nodded, “Yeah! You always enjoy licking the salt off the basket fries after eating them. So I just assumed you didn’t want me to get rid of your little snack.” He says as he continues to laugh.
This causes Harold to suddenly blush in embarrassment, “I-I see.. geez John, did you really have to call me out like that..” he grumbled, slightly giving John a soft punch. John could only continue to laugh. The tense from Harold’s shoulder finally released, feeling relieved John was smiling again.
But he couldn’t help but think John was lying to him.
They continued on with their trip, grabbing the necessary ingredients while Harold managed to snack some little snacks in. Of course, John quickly notices this and starts putting the other unnecessary snacks away.
“Heyy! C’mon this could be our small desert for us!” He begged, watching tearfully as John placed all the snacks back to its spot. “Do you need me to remind you that I’ll be the ONE paying for all of this? If you want the snack then buy it yourself.” He snickers.
Harold huffs and watches as John places the snacks away, but eventually snaps the moment John was placing one of the chocolates he had been wanting back to its spot.
He tries to pry it off from John’s hands, “W-Wait! Not that one! Any snack except that one!” He cried out. Harold tries to grab the chocolates back from John’s hands, jumping over him to reach it. Due to John being taller than him, he couldn’t manage to reach it.
John starts smirking, “Pfft, what? Too short to reach it?” He asks. Harold shakes his head, “Nah, I have a better idea.”
Before he could realize it, Harold wraps his arms around John’s waist and starts tickling him. Causing John to immediately drop the chocolates to pry Harold off, laughing out loud in the middle of the store.
Harold doesn’t stop as he finds the amusement of tickling his boyfriend. “Not so tough now huh?” He giggled, still tickling John’s sides. John shook his head, “I-I give up!! I’m— Hahahahaha!!!”
This continued on until Harold noticed someone entering the same aisle they were, making him come to an abrupt stop. His heart drops once he sees the old man raise an eyebrow, giving them that judgmental look.
Did he see?
Did he see what they were doing?
He quickly grabs the chocolates from the ground and places them back in the cart, “I.. I won.. haha.” He awkwardly laughs. John blinks, he notices Harold’s closed behavior, “Oh.. uh, yeah. Guess you’re getting those chocolates then.” He chuckled, grabbing the cart and continued on.
Harold trails behind him, now scratching the back of his neck in silence.
..
Harold lets out a huge sigh of relief, placing the fork down on the plate. “Phew, man this food was delicious as always.” He says, patting down his belly with content. John smiles fondly, “I’m glad you like it. I added something special just for you.”
“Really? What’s that?” He asks, getting up to put the plates away. John then makes a heart sign with his hands, “My love.”
Harold immediately bursts out in laughter, his face immediately growing flushed, “You’re so corny..”
“And you like it.” John adds in.
He rolls his eyes, “Hmph, whatever.” He says before leaving the dining room to the kitchen, placing the dirty plates onto the sink and starts washing them.
He notices John come over from the corner of his eye, cleaning the counters and placing the ingredients back. Harold goes back to doing his own thing, washing the plates and forks they used to eat.
Arms suddenly snake around his waist, “A miracle that you’re washing the dishes.” He hears John say, hugging him tight from behind. Harold scoffs, “Hey, be grateful that I am washing these dishes.”
John could only laugh, placing his head against his shoulder. It felt great like this, both of them holding each other. With John softly humming his favorite song against him.
With no one watching them.
No fear of being caught.
Just them two, living in this moment.
How nice would it be if it was like this everyday?
“I’m getting ready for bed, you can turn off the lights when you’re done.” John says, letting Harold go to head to his own room. Harold nods and continues to do his own thing.
It didn't take long until he was finally done, he turned off all the lights and made sure the door was locked. Only then could he retire for the night.
John was already laying down in bed, staring at the wall silently. “Missing me?” Harold joked, joining him in bed. But John stayed silent. His eyes looking empty with no emotion.
Harold suddenly frowns, “John?”
He finally turns around to face him, “hm?”
“You’re.. spacing out again.”
John blinked, “oh.. sorry about that.” He chuckled. He opens his mouth to speak but John suddenly sits up, “let’s sleep already.”
And with that, John turns off the lamp and lays back down. Harold also lays down, getting closer to John so he could hug from behind. Even till this day, after being together for so many years— his heart continues to pound hard.
It was just like how they were teenagers back in Highschool, whenever one would come over to each other's houses and would lay together in bed. Having to fight the urge to sleep so they wouldn’t get caught by their own parents. Or one would sleep while the other stayed awake.
Now they were safe in here. Resting together in each other's arms as there was no fear of any of their parents barging in.
Just as sleep was getting to him, he felt John tense his arms a bit. Meaning that he was still awake. Harold hummed, “Can’t sleep?”
“Haha.. yeah.. I guess I’m used to having little to no sleep because of work.”
“Oh.. don’t worry, we can talk for a bit. Maybe my beautiful voice will soothe your ears and make you fall asleep.” Harold suggests, causing John to let out a laugh.
John sighed, “Thanks.. I guess.” He chuckles.
Harold then gets closer, “C’mon, tell me what’s been on your mind?”
“My mind? What do you mean?” John asked, genuinely caught off guard.
“Well, since yesterday you’ve been a bit.. well, off. Like there’s something eating you up in your mind. And you’re rarely quiet.. so..” Harold elaborated. He can feel John let out a soft sigh, “Was.. I that obvious?”
He nods, “Uh, duh. You know that I can tell when there’s something on your mind.” He joked lightheartedly. Eventually, he places his hand on his shoulder as a way for comfort, “Please.. tell me what’s been bothering you.”
John slightly turned his body away, staying quiet as he was hesitating to spit it out. Eventually, he sighs, “I have.. been thinking.. about us.”
Harold raised an eyebrow, “Us? Like what?”
His shoulders tense up, “..well.. When are we getting married?”
Harold’s heart stops.
“Oh.. I.. John..” he starts, “..I..”
“I-I mean, the legalization of us being able to get married happened just 7 years ago and— I just— I’ve just been wondering, you know? About us— having that marriage and—“
“John—“ he says, finally sitting up.
“—And well— finally getting away from this hometown— you don’t even talk with your mother don’t you? So then there’s no reason to—“
“John!”
He finally stops, leaving him heaving. Harold finally swallows the dry saliva, “..John.. I do want us to get married.. I-I really do—“
John sits up, staring directly at Harold, “So then what? W-What’s stopping you? Is it me?”
“No! Of course not! It’s never been about you! I just..”
Harold stays quiet, not wanting to say the words out. Both of them staring at each other.
I’m not ready.
That’s a lie that he told John the day after he got married with his wife. The very next day, John had proposed to him. In one knee with the engagement ring on the hand.
But Harold panicked. He couldn’t tell the love of his life he had just gotten married, it would break his heart into pieces— so he turned down the proposal.
Lying that he wasn’t ready yet.
The look of his hurtful expression broke his heart, Harold felt a big amount of guilt from turning his lover down. But John..
Oh John..
He doesn’t deserve him.
John said he’d wait for him. Just like how he did back in Highschool.
He’d wait for many years, decades and centuries until Harold was finally ready. He understood his fear of being seen together. The underlying fear of being sent to camp or worse murdered just for being together.
After all these years, Harold still has that same fear. He loves John, and he wishes he can show the whole world just how much he loves his boyfriend. But he’s so deeply afraid, afraid of the judgement, the disgusted looks from the people. The whispers and the rumors.
And most importantly, God judging him.
“..You’re not ready. Aren’t you?” John finishes his sentence.
Harold could only grimace, not managing to speak out because he didn’t want to admit it. But staying silent was him admitting to it.
“..But how long do I have to wait? How long will it take for you to finally move in with me?” He starts off.
“To be able to spend our days like this? Laying in bed together, eating dinner together, lazing around while having each other's presence?”
John places his hand over his, “How long Harold? How long do I have to wait?” He whispers, his voice shaking from the tears threatening to come out.
“Do you.. even love me?”
Harold immediately shakes his head, “O-Of course I do! John— I’ll always love you! Always and forever! There won’t be another person that will ever steal my love for you away!” He says, holding John’s hands.
John sniffles, “Then.. w-why won’t you marry me?”
“Why d-did..” he stops, gulping, “.. why did you have to turn me down?”
There was silence.
Harold’s heart continues to sink further and further at the pit of his stomach.
How can he explain? Explain that they will never get married due to him already being married? That he’s risking his life for being with him at this very moment just so they could hold each other? Even if it’s just for a few hours? For a few minutes?
Will John ever understand?
He won’t. He knows he won’t.
The moment John finds out, when he finds out that he’s already been married, when he finds out that he has kids, when he finds out— he’ll leave.
Far, and far away to forget him.
But he can’t bear to lose him. Not him. Anyone but him.
He’d rather lose his own life if it meant that John stayed with him.
“John…” he mumbles, placing his hand on his cheek. “I promise we’ll get married. We’ll leave this hometown and live somewhere far far away. A brand new start, with just us two.” He says, leaning in to give a small kiss on his lips.
“Just.. give me time.. I promise I will be ready.”
He can’t see his expression due to the lack of lights, but he knew John wasn’t smiling back. John softly pushes his hand away and turns back around.
“..Okay, I’ll wait for you then.” He murmured, throwing a blanket over himself to finally sleep.
Harold frowns. He lays back down to hold John from behind, holding him tightly. John doesn’t respond to the touch.
Tears welled up from his eyes, his heart squeezing in guilt. He wanted nothing more than John to be happy, them happy together. To live together, freely with no judgement. He would do anything for that to happen.
But..
Silly dreams like that can never come true.
It never will.