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“What happens after?”
Penelope looked up at Colin expectantly through her lashes.
They had been habitually continuing their lessons ever since the start of the season. By now, Colin believed she didn't need any more help in improving her flirtation skills.
She had steadily grown into her own charms over the course of each lesson, and by now whenever they would practice a fake promenade in Rotten Row or a fake ball in the Bridgerton drawing room or a fake look through The Market he often found himself flustered and affected by Penelope’s words, leaving him feeling like a scandalised debutante.
Ever since he could remember Penelope had been witty.
The sky was blue, he’d never know what Pen and Eloise had a spat about (even if they had made up already), the sun would rise on the morrow and Penelope Featherington had a wit so sharp it cut through all his defences ever since they were in leading strings.
She had always weaponised it to make him bend backwards in fits of laughter with quick comments. Her wits or charms were never the problem, Penelope just needed to be coaxed out of her shell to be able to show her gift of repartee confidently to anyone besides the Bridgertons (mostly Colin and Eloise).
That was the first step, the second was to teach her to use her way of words to captivate people in a romantic way. Which is what they have been unequivocally working on the past weeks.
Colin had been unhurriedly easing her out of her shell, learning that if he pushed her too far she’d get scared and hide away inside her shell again. Just as the turtle he had once encountered in his bout across the Mediterranean would do, fearing the outside world.
Slowly they had worked up to a confident version of her: Flirtatious Penelope. The more time he spent around her the more light-headed he’d start to feel, blood rushing too quickly out of his brain to his cheeks, heart and other…. southern regions.
He did not want to dwell too much on why this occurred in increasing frequency, he wasn't ready to find what any of it could mean.
So instead he tried focusing on the question Penelope had just asked him during one said Flirting Lessons, in the settee of his study (they had moved their lessons there instead of the Bridgerton drawing room after one too many close calls)
“Whatever do you mean by ‘after’ Pen?”
She suddenly looked sheepish as she presumably searched her mind for her next words, a light blush spread through her cheeks as she avoided his gaze. Once she found her words her clear blue eyes found his with the confidence of Flirtatious Penelope.
“Well, after the flirting,” she blinked at him as if it was the most obvious answer in Mayfair. “I know I shall use it to attract suitors and hopefully my husband as well, but what happens after that, once I am with my husband? Whenever we practice it feels as if we are building up to something more, however we never go beyond that for me to be able to grasp whatever it could mean—whatever it is.”
Colin just stared at her dumbfounded. Husband? In truth he had completely forgotten that was the goal in whatever it was that they were doing. He felt a green eyed monster which surged every time Penelope mentioned her future husband hiss low in his gut.
His silence only seemed to make her need to over-explain herself.
“I- I only ask because I want to be able to act properly. In a… desirable,” she whispered the last word before swallowing the embarrassment, “..way for him.”
Desirable.
Anything she does is desirable. She was consuming him with desire at this very moment; just her presence here, asking him such things: how to be desirable for her husband.
The desire felt like the thick honey he would steal spoonfuls of from Cook’s jar (in spite of the amount of times he was scolded for it); thick, all-consuming and forbidden. He had to speak his next words through the viscous feel of it, the muscles on his tongue working tenfold.
He struggled to maintain eye contact, trying to will his blood back to his brain so he could properly respond.
“Pen..” He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing spoonfuls of thick honey. “That is-” His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling roughly through his nose. “This is hardly proper for us to be discussing.”
When he relaxed himself enough to open his eyes he found her sitting with arms crossed and pouting lips on the sofa. Looking like an angry, petulant cherub in her angelic beauty.
“Colin, all that we have been doing is considered improper. However It does not matter unless we are found, which we will not. You must tell me so I do not make a fool of myself.” She delivered her words with such fierce determination almost instinctually agreed.
However he hesitated.
He was already pushing the blurred boundaries of what was proper between them long before today, nevertheless discussing these other matters felt not only too scandalous but too intimate. Words and subjects too intimate to be explored just for the sake of learning.
Penelope could clearly see his hesitation for she looked up at him through her batting lashes, in the precise way she learned worked when flirting with gentlemen, as well as twirling a strand of her hair (which was down today: cascading over her shoulders just as he liked), and in the softest voice she asked again.
“Please, Colin.”
He could hear her vulnerability in the quiver between her words, see it in the way her brows creased upward, framing her eyes with a softness so deep it hurt him to think of denying his dearest.
He wished to stroke his thumb between her brows to soothe the area—maybe even a kiss could soothe it: he loathed seeing her any bit distressed, however he couldn't, so perhaps he could soothe her with his words instead.
“You are partly correct, Pen.” Grinning wolfishly, “It does build up to something more… tangible. Flirting between husband and wife is often used to entice physical intimacies.”
“Physical.” The crease between her brows was now smoothed out, satisfied with the answer for now but her eyes were now rather wide, full of curious wonder.
“Yes, Penelope;” He swallowed down more thick honey. “Physical.”
“Physical.” She parroted, “as in perhaps holding each other?” her cheeks heated. “Or perhaps kissing?” as she considered her words she seemed rather bothered by them, her teeth catching on her lower lip. “That does not seem right… It does not correspond to the same level of what I imagine would be felt between husband and wife, nor the warmth that I feel when we practice it.”
Colin was now sure he would lose consciousness, hearing Pen compare what she felt when they flirted together to what husband and wife might feel.
She must be doing this on purpose. Must have realised long ago that his feelings went beyond teaching her, and that is why she is telling him such wicked things; making him go mad with her words as punishment.
He knew his breathing was quickening. He knew his face was warming. He knew he couldn’t stop stealing glances at her lips and in turn licking his, as if preparing for… something. He knew he was condemned to the darkest pits of Dante’s inferno for thinking what he was thinking about his dearest friend.
He blinked and embellished his face with his signature affable smile; “You are again, correct. Well while embracing each other is often too tender for what I imagine you’re referring to, kissing does not have the same restrictions”
She pursed her lips in what he presumed was confusion so he continued.
“Well, the paltry mentions and exposure to kissing that gently bred ladies are afforded do not entail the truths of what a couple can achieve together, kissing can be very heated indeed.”
His answer seemed to greatly please her, her pale blue eyes lighting up.
“Hm, that makes sense but it is hard for a gently bred lady such as myself to imagine what it would be like.” She sounded almost teasing, her eyes examined his face closely. Suddenly her expression smoothed and she looked at him with intense alacrity. “Would you show me?”
The cloud of desire made him speak before her words registered. “Sorry?”
“Would you show me what that sort of kissing is supposed to be like?”
This must be a test sent from God himself to evaluate how far he can be stretched before his ineffable desire takes control of him, and if he wanted to pass he’d have to shut down Penelope’s request as soon as possible.
“Penelope-”
“It would not have to mean anything!” She rushed to add. “I only ask because you are my friend and I- I trust you, Colin.” He was sure that if he wasn’t sitting he’d fall to his knees. “I do not wish to go into marriage blind and inexperienced, I wish to know more, and I wish for you to show me, Colin.”
He couldn’t help the groan that escaped his lips, suddenly feeling exceedingly hot and trapped by his cravat, waistcoat and especially his breeches. He gripped his temples with his hand, trying to ease the throbbing so he could process how to breathe again.
“Penelope,” looking away from her eyes as he spoke, certain he’d fall apart if he met them. “A-are you certain? I- I do not wish to damage your reputation. Nor take this experience from you.” He cursed himself internally for stumbling over his words so much.
“Colin,” She said, coaxing him to look at her once more. When he willed himself to lay his eyes upon her, her face was brimming with reassurance as she smiled at him. “It is just us.”
He nodded and breathlessly agreed; “It has only ever been just us.”
Looking down at her, he experienced a moment of lucidity, he lost all reason to fight against his desire, for she was right wasn't she? It had been just them ever since she had knocked him off his horse and it was just them now, when she was knocking him off his carefully constructed defenses built upon reasons upon reasons of why he should control his feelings toward her: his desire, his jealousy, his attraction, his love.
He had been suppressing the truth inside his mind so long the realisation didn't shock him much, only offered him enlightenment. This love had been growing steadily and was forever constant ever since they had met. He hadn't noticed it, believing it was normal to feel this way toward her and only her because she is his dearest friend. He had searched for so long and wished for a love that was fought for, hard to win and hit him like a thunderbolt from the sky—just as the stories of his siblings—which he believed was true love, but what he had for her was gentle: a great fondness, passion and a constant pulsing need.
Colin was heretofore a condemned man, if he wished for a taste of heaven he wouldn’t waste his chance while he could still grasp it. Which is why, with a surge of confidence and easiness returning to his limbs he slowly brought his hand to caress her cheek, eyes darting across her form to gauge her reaction; her eyes widening, pupils dilating and her eyelids hooded over.
He had never imagined sparkling pale blue could feel so scorching.
Confidence seemed to leave her and instead she looked full of the wanton need he felt inside. Her lips parted as she inhaled short heavy breaths, her breasts rising and falling with each inhale and exhale.
He cradled her cheek, tilting her face up toward him as he brought down his forehead to meet hers so their breaths could mingle together. “You must tell me to stop at any point if I do something you do not like. Do you understand?”
All she managed was a small nod, allowing him to finally meet her in the middle and kiss her.
He started with a chaste kiss, so they could learn the feel of each other's lips—More of a glorified peck to be honest. When he tried pulling away to check upon her however, she whined and followed his lips.
“Colin,” she huffed, upset about their interlude.
“Pen,” he chuckled, “Be patient, we must ease into it, Is that alright?”
Her bottom lip jutted out in a pout as she sulked, not getting what she wanted. “Very well then,” she replied dismissively.
He huffed an amused laugh at how adorable the pouted look on her face was.
He cradled her face with both of his hands, guiding his lips to press a kiss on the tip of her scrunched nose, then her forehead, cheeks, chin and then finally meeting on her lips. He tasted the divine flavour of what must be heaven right from the source, her saliva tasted like her soul’s holy water.
They both sighed into the kiss, and this time he didn't pull away, instead melted into the kiss; pressing continuous open-mouthed kisses upon her lips, smearing their saliva together when she eagerly started to mirror his movements.
He moved one of his hands down the shivering column of her throat, grazing her collarbone, making a path from her shoulder through her arm and finished upon her waist. He was rewarded with a pleased hum, which vibrated through her lips into his quite pleasingly.
The position was a little awkward, turning their torsos toward each other, Colin’s long legs offering a great deal of difficulty but they were both too lost in the taste of each other to care.
Colin slightly raised his eyelids. He looked down at her scrunched up face then, his eyes trailing lower to find her hands balled up into tight, twitching fists on her thighs. Separating their lips again he spoke “Penelope, you do not have to restrain yourself so, a kiss is more than just lips.”
She could barely open her eyes, her words out of breath, “Oh Colin, I-I undoubtedly long to do more but I do not know what to do myself. It is as if my existence is limited to where our lips meet.”
Christ, she might as well dig her little hands right through his layers of waistcoat, shirt, and skin and grab his heart so she could keep it, just for herself as it already is.
“Perhaps you couòd… touch me.”
This time when the blue of her eyes was presented to him again with a flutter of her eyelids, some of the haze left her eyes as she focused on him. He could not hide how badly he craved her touch: his fingers twitched against where he held her while she processed his words, the pink of her cheeks shifting into red.
“Touch you? Anywhere I should like?” she heaved.
The only reply he could offer her was an enthusiastic nod, if tried to speak he was sure the moan he was suppressing would slip out in place of words.
Tentatively, one of her hands relaxed and left their position on her thighs to his wrist on the arm that was still cradling her cheek. Her eyes followed the slow path her hand made, gently regarding the feeling of the muscles on his forearm.
Halfway through her path on his arm she looked up at him, unsure and needing reassurance.
With a brief nod and an encouraging smile from him she continued anew; a self-satisfactory smile gracing her face this time. Her hand caressed up to the swell of his bicep, essentially kneading his muscle, the heat returned to her face as she did so.
He then noticed her thighs briefly squeeze together. He felt his ego swell in his chest at the physical proof he could also affect her as she did to him. However his focus was immediately called back up when he felt her fingers comb their way through the sensitive spot on his neck to his hair.
This time he could not help the guttural moan—which bordered on a whine—from leaving his lips.
Her eyes flew to meet his again, slightly alarmed and worried. “Have I done something-”
When he felt her hand start to retract from his body he didn’t bother stopping a whimper. “Do not stop Pen, you are doing everything marvellously.”
Shining at the praise, she continued where she had left off. He hummed feeling her nails rake through his scalp. With a pleased sigh he brought their lips back together. As they renewed their kissing her other hand not occupied with feeling his hair started to stroke his other arm. The sensations of her feeling him up only heightened his pleasure, which in turn heightened his frenzy for her.
He swiped the tip of his tongue on her bottom lip: pleading for entry. Her tongue shyly followed his, opening her mouth further to allow him entrance. Their tongues met in the middle of their kisses as their mouths moved together passionately.
Still the feeling of each other's hands upon each other wasn't enough for Colin, he was greedy when it came to Penelope. He always needed more of her: more of her attention, more of her letters, more of her witty anecdotes, more of her mouth, and he desperately needed to feel more of her body against his as they continued kissing.
She mewled when he pulled away with a groan resting his forehead upon hers. “Pen, it– it feels imperative to my wellbeing that I feel more of your body upon mine in this instance.” He faltered, eyes widening once he realised how deranged he sounded, he rushed to continue; “That is only if you wish to. I could never wish to push any of your boundaries—or God forbid, make you uncomfortable–”
An annoyed whine cut him off.
“Colin. Please cease speaking and do whatever you must to make that happen.”
Faster than a beat of his hammering heart and Penelope’s squeak he grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her upon his lap, her thighs straddling his lap. Pulling her close so their hips were flush.
They both moaned in unison at the feeling. Although they were separated by the fabric of her dress tented between her legs and his breeches, he could feel the heat emanating from her core between her legs.
Words failed them both, all they could muster were the harsh breaths they were sharing between their mouths. If he was honest with himself he had felt himself steadily hardening since the beginning of their conversation, by the time they were kissing he was at full mass, straining against his breeches. Now, his manhood pulsed needily at her warmth and he couldn't help the buck of his hips into hers.
WIth a moan she curled herself inward, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head in the crook of his neck, her intense breaths brushing upon the sensitive parts of his neck with each exhale, sending shivers down his spine. He could feel her breasts rising and falling against his chest. Wishing deeply he could feel them boundless without her stays.
“S-sorry Pen, I- I couldn't help it.” He wrapped his arms around her back, holding onto her for support, bringing his head down to shakily inhale the floral scent of her hair, maybe if he held onto her tight enough he could ground himself back to reality.
“Colin–hah–what- what was that pressing against me? Why did it feel so- so-” she struggled to find her words, seemingly overcome by feeling.
“Pleasurable perhaps?” he supplied.
“Mhm” she softly hummed, nodding into the crook of his neck.
He stroked her back up and down as he explained; “That is my… manhood.” his cheeks reddened. “There- there are many different names for it but it is what would release my seed that would get you with child.”
It occurred to him too late that he had explained referring to them, not any hypothetical man and woman.
“Oh.” He felt her tense underneath his palms as she exhaled her quivering breath. “So that… is the marital act?”
He swallowed. “Correct, Penelope.”
“And where should you have to release your…–your seed?”
“Inside you. Through the place between your legs, the one that is pressed against my cock—that is another word for it—right now.”
“Does it feel this pleasurable every time? Even though we are not truly doing it, just pressing my core against your c-cock?”
“God Penelope,” He practically growled into her hair, “nothing has ever and will never come close to what this is making me feel. Do you understand?”
Holding himself back from thrusting into her warmth was starting to become a task which was hopeless to surmount. He moved his hands to her waist, gripping it as if it was a lifeline.
Finally she lifted her head from where it was buried in his neck to look up at him with glassy blue eyes and an endearingly red face. “Yes, Colin. Neither could I imagine anything feeling better than the feeling of you against me,” came her meek reply.
He moaned once more, cock throbbing rhythmically with her words simultaneously with the knot low in his abdomen tightening almost painfully. He was sure that if he pressed himself close enough he could feel their heartbeats where they joined.
He couldn't help another stir of his hips sparked by a jolt of pleasure.
They whimpered collectively into each other's open mouths. Their foreheads rested against the other for support—his head felt so heavy with desire he was sure he couldn't keep it up otherwise. When he looked at Penelope he saw his feeling mirrored in her expression; face red, eyes scrunched closed and breathing coming out hard.
“Colin,” she panted, “why did you stop that? Could you perhaps stop stopping? It makes me–" she interrupted herself mid-sentence, pulling away to then burrow herself back into his neck.
“Penelope.” he reprimanded her shyness, “do not revert back to your timidness now. You have been anything but recently, especially today.”
“I have not known about any of this until now. You cannot imagine me able to brazenly talk about any of it so quickly,” she sulked.
“Pen,” he tittered “you do not have to brazenly talk about it but I ask you to tell me what you’re feeling.”
His gentle tone coaxed her out of her hiding spot; “It–” she falters, in turn takes a sharp inhale through her nose, “—elicits a throbbing feeling, d-down there.” Her eyes looked down to where their hips connected before traveling back up to his. “Not in a painful way, but as you said before: it feels pleasurable, warm and sends tingles up my spine.”
She heaved, the light sheen of sweat on her face highlighted her cheekbones (and breasts) enchantingly, making her look like an incandescent nymph. “Every time you do that I feel a tension building inside me and I believe if you keep doing it something great might come about it.” The fierce determination was back in her eyes, her mind set on finding her release (though she did not know it specifically yet).
With her eager encouragement he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Properly positioning his feet properly on the ground he tentatively lifted his hips, rolling them upwards into hers, both of them exhaled shuddering gasps into their space of shared breaths.
“Grind yourself down onto me,” he ground out, moving the hands on her waist to her hips, starting to guide her, “it shall make it feel all the better." Understanding, her hips followed his hands and she ground down onto his length, meeting his thrusts, this time they both moaned.
Once they regained a stable amount of breath they repeated the motion again. Colin groaned the warmth coming from her center felt exquisitely warmer when their hips met, sending increasing pleasure to his crotch.
It made him want to know what it would actually feel without any of the layers of fabrics between them, to plunge his member deep inside her.
They kept repeating the motion—always with his guiding hands on her hips—until they found a suitable rhythm.
Working together, they heightened each other's pleasure, letting out low, uncontrolled, sounds of satisfaction, blending together in his ears which sounded like a euphonious hymn in his haze: forged as a praise to their lovemaking—ironic however as they weren't truly ‘making’ love, more like humping against each other (there was also the fact she didn't love him).
“Colin, kiss me.” She sounded desperate through her demanding pants.
Submissive to all of Penelope’s wishes before, there was no way he would not submit to this one. He raised his right hand to thread into her loose hair, cradling the back of her head to guide her mouth to his.
They moaned into the kiss as their lips slotted together sloppily. This time the kissing felt all the more thrilling with the added pleasure of their grinding, coiling the heat in his abdomen impossible tighter. They renewed their kissing as they’d done before moving their mouths together.
They kept their rhythm slow and firm: enjoying the sensual feeling of languidly kissing each other and sounds of lips smacking together. Their hips however were the opposite of languid, grinding into each other hard, Colin’s burning cock bumping a spot in Penelope’s center which coaxed warm slick and mewls from her.
Their ‘lovemaking’ —as Colin called it in his head now— satiated some of their feral, primal pleasures, but also rendered them perceptibly more desperate. Colin started meeting her thrusts faster, urging her with an encouraging hand on her arse, causing them to falter in their rhythm, ignoring precision to chase pleasure, their hips became frenzied with their speed.
Kissing became bumping their wet mouths together each time she ground down, however neither of them tried to stop.
Suddenly, as if breaking free from a spell, Colin completely stilled, his strong hold on Penelope making sure also did. Penelope’s sounds of pleasure turned into an annoyed groan as she separated herself from his lips and opened her mouth, presumably to start protesting—again—however before she could get a sound out Colin intercepted her.
“Lift up your skirts.” Even to himself he sounded deranged, as if he'd just come back from being lost at sea for weeks deprived of any necessities. Which seemed to quell any of his girls’ objections, who seemed at a loss for words, or thoughts for that matter.
“W-What?” she gaped at him, quite enchantingly; her pale peaches and cream skin was gleaming from the light sheen of sweat she’d worked up, tinged a bright pinkish red making her look downright appetising, her hair frazzled from his hand which was still nested inside.
His appreciative gazing was interrupted by her hands now on his shoulder breaking him out of his reverie.
“Colin! I am done with your constant teasing, if you shall not stop and explain I will happily find someone else to teach me–”
“You shall not,” he said harshly, “Forgive me Pen, but I was lost only for a moment as I beheld you, you seem impossibly lovelier than usual, looking so disheveled,”
Although he believed those were the wrong words to say, as the place between her brows and nose scrunched up and she pouted, crossing her arms in the process. He couldn't help himself and he chuckled, which seemed to increase her exasperation.
How could he help it? She looked like a cross little bunny, similar to the small fluffy ones he’d see near Aubrey Hall.
“Forgive me, truly, for you just look so adorable,” at her annoyed huff he continued, “Well, Pen if you’d wish to, lift up your skirts, we could take this… further”
She seemed not to process his words, her eyes dissociating under his gaze. Then she started to lift her bottom from where it rested on his thighs until the hand nestled in her hair slipped out and she was kneeling, straddling his legs.
He was about to protest when she hastily started pulling up her skirts until the hem of her dress was above her hip, revealing her supple thighs and a small patch of hair, which matched in color to the one atop her head.
To say Colin was awestruck was more than an understatement an understatement.
He was mostly sure time had stopped, for how could it not? How could he, a mere mortal, be allowed to behold something that was surely of such high divinity it was only reserved for the gods.
He groaned; he felt as if his cock had gotten impossibly harder. He wished to bury his nose deep between her thighs and inhale her sweet, natural musk, see how wet she’d become. He was pretty sure his hands were shaking where they held her above her dress.
“Oh, Pen.” He looked up at her with what could only be described as pure awe.
She was resplendent, a true picture of beauty incarnate, and she willingly exposed herself to him. She looked angelic, the evening sun shone through his study’s sheer curtains onto her skin and made her red hair glow around the edges.
The mere action of her allowing him to see her in all her glory and vulnerability brought a sheen of tears to his eyes. He was mostly sure he looked pathetic, but he could not care when he was in this position: the love of his life kneeling upon him, revealing her most intimate parts.
Her expression was remarkably timid, looking anywhere but him, no doubt she’d never exposed herself in such a manner to anyone else.
“Pen,” he repeated with a tremor in his voice, cupping the side of her face and tipping it towards him until she met his eyes with her tender blue. “You are beautiful. I have never laid eyes upon a more striking sight, you are a Goddess.”
Now he was sure he looked and sounded pathetic, his voice sounded wet and shaky from the increasing amount of pure emotion he was regurgitating.
Penelope herself seemed affected, face crumpling with vulnerability that only worsened his, creating a loop of loving despair.
“Colin…” she whispered, the look in her eyes seemed to mirror the deep love he felt for her however he knew that couldn't be possible, he was most likely love-drunk.
“Pen…” he whispered back.
They looked between each other’s eyes and lips before wordlessly agreeing to meet in the middle. While they slowly kissed, Penelope apparently knew what to do and lowered herself back down, flushing her bare center to his clothed member with a whimper.
Letting go of her dress as the fabric cascaded onto their legs, she cupped his face as they continued kissing, moving her hands onto his chest, moving upward until she took a hold of his cravat and untied it, freeing his neck.
Then, she moved her hands lower again to start unbuttoning his waistcoat to then move it off his shoulders completely, leaving him in just his flowing shirt, breeches and boots.
Her hands travelled to the hairs on his chest, running her nails through the coarse texture. They both moaned into the kiss at the feeling. Colin wrapped his arms around her back embracing her closer to him, needing as much contact with her as he could manage.
They tried to keep their kissing slow again, trying to enjoy the intimate feeling they'd created. Her hips started moving again, slower to start with as she got used to the direct feelings on her cunt.
He could feel her wetness seeping through his breeches, his tip nudging what he was pretty sure was her nub from her frantic mewls. When her grinding became steadier and her moans became needy, he joined her in the dance they’d become used to: Their Lovemaking.
Moaning into each other's mouths, her moans became desperate keens, he could tell she was close to her release. Slowly he brought his left hand between them, lowering it until it cupped her weeping cunt, making her pull away in surprise.
“C-Colin! What–What are you—”
“Do you trust me?” he panted, staring deep into her eyes, gauging her reaction. It took her a moment until she processed his question.
“Of course, Colin. H-However, please be gentle.”
He kissed her nose before replying; “Whatever you need, my sweet”
As he swiped a finger through her slit she let out a shivering whimper, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her face atop them.
He continued his ministrations until her body untensed, then swiped his finger on her sensitive nub, warranting a little yelp.
“I know, I know darling,” he softly kissed her head from an albeit awkward angle. “You must be terribly sensitive but you’ll get used to it with time.” At his calming reassurance she hummed into her place in the crook of his neck.
He went back down to circle her hole, feeling the copious slick pooling out.
Then, he went back to her nub, this time in slow, tender circles, coaxing out mewl after mewl out of her mouth. When he deemed her ready he pulled away so he could place his middle finger to her entrance, gently nudging it.
All the sounds she was making and her wet warmth were making Colin feel drunk and dizzy, brain seemingly replaced with Cook’s thick forbidden honey.
“I–I’m going to put this finger inside Pen, is that okay?”
“Please,” came her weak reply, and with her plea he started slowly pushing in.
“How does it feel?”
“Hah–I-I don’t know, it feels a bit… strange.”
“That is normal, I’ll continue and if at any point you wish for me to stop tell me, is that alright?”
“Mhm.”
When his finger was buried to the hilt in her tight warmth he waited for a beat before he started to slowly pull back out until his finger was almost fully out, bringing out one of her moans, before slowly going back in.
He continued his slow movements until she started grinding back onto his hand, trying to rub herself onto the palm of his hand. “Starting to get wanton huh? Don’t worry Pen, I’ll give you more.”
She whimpered at his words, however the way her walls fluttered around his fingers told him she relished it.
The next time he pulled his finger out he added a second, she whimpered lowly at the stretch.
“Is this alright?” he asked into her hair.
“More than alright.”
This time it took her longer to get used to the languid in and out rhythm, her slick helped however the additional stretch was still new to her. However when she did relax again he moved his thumb up to circle her clit as he pumped in and out, in and out, coaxing more of her wetness.
“Colin!–”
She moaned his fucking name.
“Please, do not stop, I need– I need more” she cried
“Shh Pen. Do not fret. I shall give you anything you ask for.”
Quickening his circles and thrusts, he could feel her breaths come fast against his ear, between each whimper, signifying her release would come at any moment now.
With a soothing hand rubbing her back, he increased the speed with his other hand upon her sopping folds. The increased pleasure and pressure rendered her incoherent as she muttered and moaned through an endless mantra of ‘yes’, gripping his back fiercely.
“Wait Colin– I–I think I’m going to–”
However, before she could finish her sentence she was cut off by her own wail as she gushed her shaking release onto his hand, Colin kept coaxing more out of her as he continued with his fingers until she came down from her trembling release, talking her through it.
“Good job Pen, you did so well.” He tried his best to comfort her with a gentle tone. “That was big wasn't it?”
All she could muster for a reply was a whimper, drained of any energies at the moment. He kept moving his right hand in the soothing circles, hoping to soothe her. Eventually she calmed down enough to lift her head from where it rested, looking at him completely wrecked; lips bitten red, skin glistening and eyes rimmed red with what he’d presumed were overwhelmed tears.
“Oh my darling girl…” he moved his hand to stroke her cheek, moving her hair out of her face as he worried over her, “Are you alright? Was that pleasurable for you?”
“Colin I–I am more than alright,” She blushed deeper, biting her lip to resist a smile “I've never felt better, it was perfect, thank you.” finishing her sentence with a kiss to his lips which he returned.
“Anything for you.”
As they smiled at each other, Colin realised he’d never felt more accomplished than bringing his sweet Pen to release, nor had he felt better. They continued to gaze into each other, meeting in the middle for more kisses, creating their enclosed, private atmosphere. However it was quickly interrupted by a painful throb from his cock.
Slowly, he extracted his hand from inside her, receiving a small whimper in protest. He then palmed his painfully aching member, he was sure if he didn't relieve the pressure soon he’d most likely faint.
Penelope, noticing the movement, sat back on his knees and looked down as well.
“What about you? Do men not not–uhh”
“Release?” He offered.
“Yes. Do men not release as well?”
“Well, we do it is just–”
“Can I help you, as you did me?” She looked at him with such hopeful delight all he could do was nod and start to wordlessly unlace his breeches, pulling out his member with a groan. Immediately the pressure he felt was alleviated.
“This is it, my cock.” he explained, holding it by the base, before slowly starting to pump his hand up and down his length, using her juices to ease the slide, moaning as he did so, urging out more pre-seed out of his red tip.
“Your cock.” she parroted, looking straight at his crotch unabashedly.
“Mhm,” was all he could reply, the direct contact with his member now feeling unusual.
“Could I… touch it?”
This time all he could muster was a nod and a hand, guiding hers to his length so she could wrap it around him—not that her small fingers were anywhere near enveloping his full girth—evoking a small gasp from her and a satisfied hum from him.
He started pumping himself again with her hand, taking her through the motions. Together they kept repeating the movement, building onto the intensity of Colin’s pleasure, until they grew a steady, even pace.
When he felt her confident enough, he took his hand off hers, sitting back and allowing her to continue by herself, clearly concentrated as she bit her lip and focused solely on her movements.
“A little faster, Pen. Please.” he whimpered, on edge.
With a hum she obeyed, pumping him faster and faster coaxing more sounds and pre-seed out of him.
He was starting to become desperate, losing sight of any thoughts, as she'd apparently coaxed out any reason that used to inhabit his mind through her hand. All that seemed to come out his mouth were quiet praises mingled with his whimpers. Good girl, Pen and Just like that, you learn so fast.
Ere long the pressure culminating deep in Colin’s abdomen released with a guttural groan through spurts of his seed which landed upon Penelope’s soft hands.
Colin felt Penelope’s hand still, then retracted to assess the come on her hand, most likely processing what had just occurred.
“This is your seed, is it not? The one you had mentioned earlier.” She remarked.
Colin closed his eyes, focusing on catching his breath as he replied through short huffs; “Ever my smart girl, aren’t you?”
When he opened his eyes again—finally able to breathe normally—he reached to his coat he had left draped on the back of the settee, retrieving his handkerchief from his pocket. He then asked her to lift her skirts so he could slowly wipe the mess she’d produced, careful not to be too harsh as she was still sensitive. He then gently took her right wrist and with his other hand started wiping his spend from her hand with the dry side of the fabric.
During the process of cleaning her up he looked up, simply for the sake of beholding her as she gazed at their hands with a content smile. How beautiful she looked; flushed and smiling at his previous praise, which only made his smile widen further.
Seeing her look so beautiful and content, Colin was sure his life would amount to nothing if he did not have her by his side; as a friend and more.
When he finished and folded the dirty handkerchief ready to toss it elsewhere a hand landed on his wrist, halting the process.
“Could I perhaps keep it?”
Colin was in stunned confusion for a moment at the request, however Penelope looked at him through her eyelashes so timidly yet so determined he couldn't do anything but smile as he gave it to her, which she then held in her hands, resting above her thighs.
“Thank you Colin. Not just for the handkerchief, but for everything you did for me today.” Punctuating her sentence with a kiss to his cheek, before she wrapped her hands around him and resumed her almost usual position as she rested her head upon her arms.
“If you do not mind, I would like to rest a while before leaving, I believe Rae can stand waiting a bit longer while she still has Dunwoody’s company” she explained.
He tried acting as normal as he could, putting on his usual affable mask, which he almost never used with Penelope.
The reminder that their lovemaking was nothing but a figment of his imagination stung hard. Somewhere along the way he had forgotten what they were truly doing: lessons. He had forgotten this moment was never meant to be his, it was meant for Penelope’s future husband.
The love he felt for her in that very moment consumed his being so tenaciously, it ached to be kept inside. He wished he could bottle his feelings up, put them high up on a shelf out of his reach–safely contained and unavailable to him– just as that damned jar of honey.
However he couldn’t, his heart beating painfully at his unrequited love, each beat of his heart a never ending repetition of ‘I love you’.
It didn't stop when he wrapped his arms around her figure.
‘I love you’.
Nor did it stop when he rested his head upon hers.
‘I love you’.
And it didn't stop as he inhaled her scent from her hair.
“I love you.”
Immediately when the words left his mouth, barely above a whisper, he prayed to the Lord it was just quiet enough for her to have missed it (even if he literally whispered it into her hair), however as soon as he felt her stiffen in his hold he knew he was fucked.
Time seemed frozen while he waited for her to react, both of them completely still until she began to retract from their embrace, however as her eyes met his he encountered the last thing he thought he’d see.
He was surely expecting indignation, as she must surely be furious at him for loving her, instead her eyes were red-rimmed and glossed over with tears, however just as soon as their eyes met she broke eye contact to instead avoid his gaze.
“Colin, please do not say things you do not mean.” Her voice broke as she continued, “You do not love me, you couldn’t.”
Colin was–again–stunned at her words, however he was called back to reality once he felt her getting up from her position on his lap.
“Pen, wait. Please” placing a pleading hand upon her hip, asking for a minute of her patience. “Please let me explain myself.” voice sounding just as desperate as he felt inside.
He could not fuck this up further and lose her friendship.
However he also couldn’t let her believe he was incapable of loving her.
“I have been stupid Penelope. I did not realise how much my care for you exceeded customary feelings of friendship, you have always been my dearest friend and I thought that was the reason I felt the way I did for you. I longed for a great and romantic love which would hit me like a thunderbolt, which blinded me from understanding that the feelings that had been growing so steadily for you were just that: love.
“I was oblivious to this until this season, the amount of time we spent together, in lessons and fake promenade and balls made me realise just how deeply I love you. Foolishly, I thought I could continue as normal, for I know you do not love me back and if our friendship is all I could have that would be all I would need, but I lose control of myself when I am around you, so please forgive me Pen. I beg you to forget what I said, for I do not know what I’d do with myself without you.”
Colin didn't realise he had started crying until after he finished his explanation, feeling hot tears streaming down his cheeks looking down in shame. He felt nauseous as he waited for her reply; maybe now she’d start to feel the indignation he was afraid of earlier.
However before a reply even came he felt two soft hands cupping his wet cheeks, tilting his face up to meet hers. Wrapping his hands around her wrists, he opened his eyes and his vision cleared of tears he saw her, also crying.
“Pen are–” his concern was interrupted by her quickly meeting his lips with hers, and although he was initially shocked he quickly melted into their familiar dance, however this time much slower and with the taste mixing with their saliva.
Although Colin was utterly perplexed he could feel his heart from swelling from the sheer love and hope he felt.
When they parted she rested her forehead against his, smiling as she used her thumbs to wipe away any remnants of his tears when she started explaining; “Colin, I have always loved you. I have ever since the day we met in secret. Every part of you since then, there is not a world where I do not love you.”
“I will spend the rest of our lives making up for the fact that I did not see it sooner, Penelope,” he declared ardently.
“Our lives?" Penelope giggled softly.
Colin chuckled in return, “Well if we have wasted this much time apart we might as well start the rest of our lives together don't you think Mrs. Bridgerton?” he asked with a smug grin.
“Colin! Do not make light of that until you have asked me to marry you. Otherwise I should like that very much.” she returned, still giggling. And they both kept giggling as Colin gave her ferocious kisses all over.
___
Penelope was rather disheartened at having to leave Bridgerton house that afternoon, the only thing keeping her happy was the memory of what had happened between her and Colin and his promise of calling upon her on the morrow. In fact the constant replaying of what happened paired with the promise kept her smiling on the walk through Grosvenor square earning curious glances from Rae.
Her smiling persisted all through dinner as well, despite her mothers constant pestering that she was too ‘stuck in the clouds’ and complaints about her sisters producing an heir.
She also found herself smiling at herself through the looking glass as Rae helped her undress for the night. She was interrupted by her reverie by a small gasp from behind. Looking up, she saw Rae paused in fixing her hair and was looking right behind her ear, a spot Colin had paid a lot of attention to before she left.
Penelope had never seen herself get red so fast, sputtering as she tried to come up with an excuse before Rae’s chuckle interrupted her.
“Well at least I now know that my putting up with Dunwoody at least amounted to something.” Raw teased with a smirk through the mirror, somehow alleviating and deepening the embarrassment as Penelope too started to giggle.
For once in a very long time, Penelope was feeling rather optimistic of the future.