Chapter Text
Camp Wawanakwa - Lake/The Dock of Shame.
The episode starts with a view of the lake, which is quickly interrupted by the host, Chris McLean, sliding into view of the camera, with a wide (and slightly uncanny) celebrity smile.
He immediately addresses the audience, introducing himself as he stands on the dock.
[CHRIS]: Yo! We’re coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario. I’m your host, Chris McLean, dropping season one of the hottest reality show on television right now!
Cuts to a different angle of the dock. Chris walks down the dock, beginning a spiel explaining the premise of the show.
Here’s the deal: twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They’ll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers.
Close up on Chris.
Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the dock of shame, take a ride on the loser boat (he laughs), and leave Total Drama Island for good.
Cut to the elimination area.
Their fate will be decided here at the dramatic campfire ceremonies, where each week, all but one camper will receive a marshmallow.
There are three marshmallows on sticks laying on the ground. Chris picks one up and eats it. He throws the stick behind his back when he’s done.
In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune which, let’s face it, they’ll probably blow in a week.
To survive, they’ll have to battle black flies, grizzly bears, disgusting camp food…
As he says this, the camera shows a swarm of flies, panning down to show a bear (which had been swatting at them) growling, and then cutting to a bowl in the cafeteria, which is filled with maggots and one giant grub with a thin mustache at the very top. It speaks.
[GIANT GRUB]: Hey now.
Cuts back to Chris.
[CHRIS]: …and each other.
We cut away from him again, to show off various cameras, not so subtly hidden in various places on the island, including a bird’s nest and a totem pole.
Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp.
Cut back to Chris once again.
Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here, right now, on Total
Drama
Island!
Cue intro.
Lake/The Dock of Shame.
[CHRIS]: Welcome back to Total Drama Island.
Alright, it’s time to meet our first eleven campers. We told them they’d be staying at this five-star resort, so if they seem a little T.O-ed, that’s probably why.
The camera slides to the very end of the dock, where the first boat has arrived.
[CHRIS]: And here come campers .5 and one now — Ki and Raz!
Cherries, who are conjoined at the head, stumble down from the boat. They walk down the dock, carrying suitcases in their outer hands. Despite holding it in the hand furthest from his brothers, left Cherry still manages to hit right Cherry in the shins with his suitcase with each step.
[CHRIS]: Wow. Never seen anyone like you before. How are you?
[LEFT (Raz)]: We—
Right nudges him.
[LEFT]: (whisper) Oh, right, our intro.
[LEFT & RIGHT (Ki)]: (in synchrony, both trying to keep it together) Chris McLean. We have finally found your location. Now our plan can finally commence.
[CHRIS]: Uhhh, okay…?
Left and Right giggle like idiots as they walk over to the other end of the dock. Their first “prank” has successfully weirded out their host.
The next boat pulls up. On it are Bow and Dough. Bow waves frantically, with a wide grin in her face, while Dough lays on the deck flat on his stomach.
[CHRIS]: Another sibling duo, here are Annabella and Donatello.
Bow hops off the boat, wobbling slightly as she lands in her tall heels. Dough leans forward and flops onto the dock. He dusts himself off.
[BOW]: OMG, Dona, look, it’s Chris McLean!
Her excited expression fades as she takes in her surroundings.
Wait, like, hold on. This isn’t a fancy holiday resort.
[CHRIS]: What makes you say that?
[DOUGH]: It looks like (censor bleep).
[CHRIS]: Whoahohoho, watch the potty mouth! This is family television!
[DOUGH]: We’re recording?
[BOW]: There’s literally a camera crew right here, what do you think?!
[DOUGH]: Oh yah.
He directly addresses the camera.
Hi, guys.
Bow grabs him by his arm and pulls him down to the other end of the dock.
As they walk off screen, Apple walks onto screen, admiring her surroundings.
[CHRIS]: April!
[APPLE]: Wow, this place is huge! You’re telling me this is where we’re staying?
[CHRIS]: It sure is!
She squeals.
[APPLE]: I’ve always dreamed of going to summer camp!!
Chris turns round to Bow and Dough.
[CHRIS]: See? Some people are appreciative.
Apple skips along the dock. Suitcase arrives next.
[CHRIS]: (putting on a mock Australian accent) Coming up from the land down under, meet Cassandra!
[SUITCASE]: Hi! My name’s Cassandra, but you can call me Casey. It’s really nice to meet you all!
Apple waves enthusiastically.
[APPLE]: Hi, Casey!!
[SUITCASE]: Hi!
She looks around.
Is this really all of us? I can’t imagine this’ll be a really long game…
[CHRIS]: Oh, no, we’ve still got plenty of boats due to arrive. Speaking of, here comes Mikey!
Microphone stands on an amp, playing a sick tune on her electric guitar, not really paying attention to where she is. She topples over as the boat stops. Her amp is sent flying into the air and falls into the lake.
[MICROPHONE]: (off) Damn it! I just got that!
Chris chuckles.
Mic hops out of the boat holding a battered suitcase in one hand and a guitar case in the other, her guitar now in said case.
[MICROPHONE]: So, this is really it…
Chris nods.
Not what was advertised, but alright.
She walks over to the other end of the dock.
‘Sup. (to Bow) Hey, sick leg warmers!
[BOW]: Awww, thanks! I love your choker. Where’d you get it?
[MICROPHONE]: Heated Discussion.
Bow gasps.
[BOW]: No way, I shop there all the time!
[MICROPHONE]: Hell yeah, girl!
They high five.
All the campers jump a little when they hear loud thumping from the other side of the dock. Paintbrush has arrived, and they're not really happy about it.
[PAINTBRUSH]: You cannot be serious right now.
[CHRIS]: Welcome to camp, Payton!
[PAINTBRUSH]: Don’t talk to me.
They storm off to the other side of the dock.
Balloon is the next to arrive. He seems even less satisfied with the camp’s appearance than Paintbrush is.
[CHRIS]: Bakyt.
[BALLOON]: What the hell is this?!
[CHRIS]: This is Camp Wawanakwa, my dude. Your new home for the next eight weeks.
[BALLOON]: This isn’t what you promised at all! I’m not staying in this crapfest!
Chris pulls out a stack of paper.
[CHRIS]: Contract says you have to.
Balloon snatches the papers and throws them into a lake. Chris pulls out even more papers.
[CHRIS]: The great thing about lawyers is they make lots of copies.
Balloon growls in frustration and stomps away.
The next boat arrives. Nickel steps out of it, with not a hint of emotion on his face.
[CHRIS]: And here’s camper number nine, Nicholas.
Nickel looks around for a second. He lowers his eyebrows in disappointment.
[NICKEL]: Yeah, I’m not even gonna say anything.
He trudges over to the other side of the dock.
He looks over at Balloon, who’s standing about three meters away from everyone, grumbling to himself, looking like he’s on the verge of killing someone.
He notices Nickel staring at him and growls. Nickel recoils, weirded out by this response.
He walks further down the dock.
[NICKEL]: (muttering) Spazz.
He places himself next to Paintbrush.
The campers all jump in shock as the next boat crashes into the dock. Manic laughter can be heard from the distance.
Chris introduces this next camper, Taco, with great enthusiasm.
[CHRIS]: Camper eleven, coming in hot — it’s Tara!
Taco leaps onto the dock, giggling wildly. She hasn’t brought any luggage with her.
[CHRIS]: Killer entrance, dude!
[TACO]: SOWA CREAM!
[NICKEL]: Oh, great, it’s one of those girls.
Taco magically appears behind Nickel.
[TACO]: Boo!
Nickel screams. Paintbrush laughs at him. They trail off as Nickel begins glaring at them angrily. They clear their throat awkwardly.
The next boat honks repeatedly at the boat Taco came out of.
[CHRIS]: For our next arrival—
Taco’s boat explodes. Chris watches it sink neutrally.
—we have Niall.
Knife steps off the boat, not really minding the wrecked dock. Like Nickel, he shows very little signs of any strong emotions.
[CHRIS]: How’s it going, man?
Knife doesn’t respond. She keeps walking down the dock.
[CHRIS]: Alright, I see how it is.
Microphone notices the shirt Knife is wearing. Her face lights up.
[MICROPHONE]: Yooo, you listen to metal too?
Knife nods.
[MICROPHONE]: Sick.
The next boat arrives with Trophy sitting on the railings.
He downs a can of Dr Fizz, crumples it up, and throws it over his shoulder. He jumps onto the dock.
[CHRIS]: Topher, good to see you.
[TROPHY]: Damn right it is.
He looks over at all the campers on the other side of the dock.
Who are those chumps?
[CHRIS]: Those are your fellow campers. Some’ll be allies, and some’ll be rivals. Mostly rivals.
[TROPHY]: Looks like this game is gonna be easier than I thought.
He makes it to the other side of the dock. He pushes Knife to the side, shoving himself between Mic and Bow.
[TROPHY]: Hey, ladies.
Bow looks at him in pure disgust. Mic rolls her eyes.
[MICROPHONE]: Yeah, I’m not doing this.
She shoves Trophy out of the way. Bow giggles. Knife smirks.
Trophy scoffs.
[TROPHY]: Whatever.
The next boat arrives with Lightbulb in tow.
[CHRIS]: Give it up for Ellie, everyone!
Lightbulb stands on the railings. She gets her balance, then leaps off, just barely missing one of the holes in the dock. She catches her suitcases as they’re thrown down to her, and looks around her curiously.
[LIGHTBULB]: So, this is the fabled Total Drama Island…
[CHRIS]: Indeed it is. Welcome to camp, Ellie.
[LIGHTBULB]: Uhh, who are you again?
[CHRIS]: I’m… Chris McLean? Y’know… the host?
[LIGHTBULB]: Huh. Never heard of you before.
…nahhh, I’m just messing with ya. Of course I know who you are! I used to watch your cooking show. It’s—
[CHRIS]: Yoookay, let’s not talk about that right now! We’ve still got lots of campers to meet. Speaking of, here comes Masha!
The next boat arrives carrying Marshmallow. She tries to get off the boat and onto the dock, but she doesn’t notice the damage it’s taken, and falls through. She splashes Chris and Lightbulb as she falls in.
Chris looks rather irritated about being soaked. Lightbulb shakes all the water off of her like a dog, and goes to pull Marshmallow out of the water.
Marsh coughs.
[MARSHMALLOW]: (sputtering) Thanks…
Lightbulb snaps her fingers into finger guns.
[LIGHTBULB]: I gotchu, girl.
The girls squeal as another boat pulls up, coming to a sudden and violent halt, splashing even more water all over them. Chris is prepared for this splash, pulling out an umbrella (with his face plastered on it) for protection. He looks at the camera and copies the smug, shiny grin he has on the umbrella.
Test Tube stumbles out of the boat and rushes to Lightbulb and Marhsmallows’ sides.
[CHRIS]: And Teresa comes in with a splash.
[TEST TUBE]: Sorry, sorry! I’m so sorry.
She removes two towels from her suitcase and hands them over to them.
[TEST TUBE]: The boat stopped moving in the middle of the sea, so I tried to get it working again… I think I went a little too far.
[MARSHMALLOW]: Tell me about it.
Lightbulb puts her arm around Test Tube’s shoulder.
[LIGHTBULB]: Hey, don’t worry about it! It’s cool. Literally.
She shivers slightly. Test Tube giggles and blushes.
Nickel mimes gagging as the two walk over together, with Marshmallow walking a few steps behind them. Paintbrush rolls their eyes.
The next boat, which is carrying Cheesy, arrives. Cheesy is down with the driver, honking the boat’s horn and sticking their head out of the window and waving. He shouts over the honking.
[CHEESY]: Goodmorning, Ontario!
They climb out of the window, suitcase in hand.
[CHRIS]: Meet Kristoph, everyone!
[CHEESY]: Wow, I camp believe I’m finally on TV!
He slaps his knee using the hand he’s holding his suitcase with. They instantly regret it.
[CHEESY]: Youch! That was a bag idea. Haha, get it?
Cricket sound effect.
[TROPHY]: (off) Boo, you stink!
[CHEESY]: Sigh. No one appreciates my work.
[CHRIS]: Hey, it’s okay! Maybe the next camper’ll find you funny. Or two campers, depending on how you look at them. Give it up for Yìn Shuò and Yán Míng!
Yin and Yang can be heard doing their classic „Water!” „Dr Fizz!” argument. The front deck of their boat is covered in Dr Fizz cans.
The driver of the boat goes up to the deck and pushes them off the boat, throwing their luggage onto them. Their luggage breaks, and all of their things fly out. Nickel laughs at them.
[YIN]: I told you not to start any fights! Now all our stuff is ruined!
[YANG]: I wouldn’t have started a fight if you didn’t start complaining about my drinking!
[YIN]: You drank twenty cans in five minutes!!! You were going to die!!!
[LEFT]: (whispering) And I thought we were bad.
Right Cherry attempts to nod, forgetting the two are conjoined at the head.
[CHRIS]: Alright, alright, give it a rest. We only get twenty-two minutes an episode! Bring in the next camper!
The next boat carries Fan. He walks around the deck of the boat, taking photos of the island and its surroundings from every possible angle with his phone.
It takes him a few seconds to notice the boat has stopped moving. Once he does, he hops off the boat with great enthusiasm.
[CHRIS]: Dá, welcome.
[FAN]: Chris McLean!
He rushes towards Chris. He snaps a few photos of him (who starts posing dramatically without even having to be asked), and quickly types something out.
[FAN]: I can’t believe I’m actually meeting the real Chris McLean! Oh, the fan club are going to be so jealous… can I take a selfie?
[CHRIS]: Knock yourself out!
He reaches his arm out and takes the selfie. He clutches the phone to his chest and runs over to the other side of the dock, giggling giddily.
[CHRIS]: Nice to have a fanboy for once. Anyways, here comes our next camper!
Baseball arrives next. He waves to the campers from up on the boat with what little amount of arm that he has, then climbs down onto the dock.
[CHRIS]: Mason, how’s it going?
[BASEBALL]: Not bad.
He looks around a little. A branch falls off from a nearby tree and crashes through the roof of the communal bathroom. He winces a little.
…maybe a little bad. Is your career really failing this badly?
[CHRIS]: Okay, harsh…
[BASEBALL]: Okay, yeah, uh— sorry.
He scuttles away. Trophy looks downright disgusted by Baseball’s presence.
Baseball tries to find a place to stand. Nickel steps to the side a little to make room for him. Baseball smiles appreciatively, and places himself in between Nickel and Paintbrush.
Box is the next to arrive. She looks mildly uncomfortable. She tries not to look at the water for too long, which is pretty hard to do on a boat.
[CHRIS]: (in an exaggerated Hispanic accent) Bonifacia!
Box steps off the boat.
[BOX]: Just Bonnie is fine.
A plank of wood cracks beneath her feet. She stumbles back in fear.
(panicked) Is that going to be fixed?
[CHRIS]: I’ll think about it.
Box carefully tiptoes her way across the dock.
The next boat arrives with Soap.
Sumayah, everyone!
Soap runs up and down the deck with a bunch of cleaning supplies, scrubbing the deck as hard as she can. The deck shines as if it’s just been waxed.
Lightbulb nudges Apple with her elbow, and points up to Soap.
[LIGHTBULB]: Avast! She be scrubbing the poop deck!
Apple giggles. Test Tube lets out an amused snort. Lightbulb snaps her head around to Test Tube, with a satisfied smile. Test Tube tries to mask her amusement with an unimpressed expression, which makes Lightbulb giggle.
Soap steps off of the boat.
[SOAP]: Geez, this place is a mess… (excitedly) I love it!
She tears a plank from out of the dock and sprays it with disinfectant.
Nickel leans into Baseball.
[NICKEL]: Get a load of Captain Neat Freak.
[CHRIS]: Looks like we don’t have to worry about paying those janitors!
Alright, with you here, we just have one more camper to introduce!
[TEST TUBE]: What? But there’s already twenty-two of us here.
[YANG]: No, twenty-three!
[CHRIS]: You’re both wrong. It’s twenty-one. We’re not counting the double contestants.
[LEFT, RIGHT, YIN & YANG]: Hey!!
[CHRIS]: Now, where is that last boat…
Right as he says that, a loud horn sounds in the distance. The final boat is arriving — and lying on the deck fast asleep is Tissues.
[CHRIS]: There he is! Everyone say hello to our final camper, Tiánbīng!
The boat stops by the dock, but Tissues doesn’t come down.
Tiánbīng!…
Chris waits a few seconds, but Tissues remains on the deck.
He climbs up the boat, hangs onto the railing, and blasts an air horn in Tissues’ face. He wakes up with a start.
There we go! You know, if you wanna play the game, dude, you’re gonna have to stay awake.
[TISSUES]: Sorry, gouys, it’s my condishawn… I have, like… ininsomnia.
[TEST TUBE]: Do you mean hypersomnia?
[TISSUES]: Yeah. (sniffs)
[TROPHY]: His voice is killing me…
[DOUGH]: Yahh, it’s so annoying.
Bow and Trophy stare at him.
Chris clasps his hands together.
[CHRIS]: Right, now you’re all here, we’ve gotta get some promotional stuff outta the way — everyone on the end of the dock.
The campers all walk to the other end of the dock. They stand and pose in front of the Camp Wawanakwa sign.
Chris steps back, holding a camera. He prepares to take a photo.
One, two, three… (click) oh, forgot the lens cap.
He takes the lens cap off.
Okay, hold that pose… one, t— oh, no, wait, card’s full. Hang on.
[BALLOON]: Oh, come on!
[CHEESY]: You mean cam on?
Balloon smacks him upside the head.
[CHEESY]: Ow…
[CHRIS]: Alright, got it. Okay, everyone say „Wawanakwa”!
[CAMPERS]: Wawanakwa!
Just as Chris snaps the photo, the dock finally gives in and collapses. The campers all fall into the lake.
Photos of them falling into the lake and struggling in the water are shown on screen.
[CHRIS]: Okay guys, dry off and meet at the campfire pit in ten.
Fade to black.
Campfire pit/Elimination area.
The campers all sit in various spots in the pit. Chris addresses them.
[CHRIS]: This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks. The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. You dig? The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100000 dollars.
[PAINTBRUSH]: Hey, uh, where are we—
[TROPHY]: Yeah, yeah, we know all that. Can we get to the challenges now?
[CHRIS]: Patience, my dear Topher! There’s still lots of things we’ve got to organise.
Trophy groans. Soap claps her hands happily.
[MARSHMALLOW]: Do we get to choose where we sleep? Because there’s someone here I’d rather avoid.
She glares at Knife, who’s sitting as far from her as possible. He glares back. Apple, who’s sitting to the left from Marshmallow, assumes Marsh is glaring at her. She looks confused and upset, until she sees Knife glaring as well. She looks back and forth and understands what’s going on. She smiles.
[CHRIS]: You’ll all be sleeping in a cabin with your teams. One half for the boys, another half for the girls.
Marshmallow looks relieved. Bow lowers a fist in celebration. Paintbrush looks slightly upset.
[BASEBALL]: So, what are the teams?
[CHRIS]: I’ll get to that! But first—
He picks up a bucket filled with paper slips.
— take a slip!
Chris walks around all the seats, holding out the bucket in front of each camper for them to take out a slip of paper.
The campers read the slips in confusion.
Apple leans down and brings her hands slightly closer to her face to get a better view of her slip.
[APPLE]: A… p… q— no, p—…
Box leans over too see what’s on Apple’s slip.
[BOX]: It says Apple.
[APPLE]: Ohh, thanks! What does yours say?
Box looks back at her slip.
[BOX]: Box.
Box raises her hand.
Hey, what are these for?
[CHRIS]: These are your special camp names.
[BOX]: …what?
[NICKEL]: (half amused, half in disbelief) No way.
[BASEBALL]: But what do we need these for? Aren’t our normal names enough?
[CHRIS]: Eh, I just thought I’d spice things up a little.
[MICROPHONE]: He probably can’t pronounce them.
[CHRIS]: Wh— no!! There’s twenty-two of you—
[TEST TUBE]: Twenty-four.
[CHRIS]: —I don’t have time to memorise all these names.
[MICROPHONE]: (whispering to Knife) He totally can’t pronounce ‘em.
[BALLOON]: This is so dumb! I’d rather have my name butchered than be called Balloon!
[TROPHY]: I dunno, I think my name’s pretty sick.
[BALLOON]: Of course you think that, you got Trophy!
[TROPHY]: (smugly) The perfect name for a champion like me.
[SOAP]: Look, there’s no point in arguing, he’s not going to budge on this decision. Let’s just embrace it.
The campers all mutter amongst eachother. Chris smiles.
[CHRIS]: Thank you.
Now. We’re going to sort you into teams. If I call out your name — your camp name — go stand over there.
Lightbulb.
Taco.
Test Tube.
Bow.
Paintbrush.
Microphone.
Yinyang.
Cheesy.
Trophy.
Dough.
and Balloon.
From this moment on, you are officially known as the Screaming Gophers.
He throws a rolled up flag with the Screaming Gopher logo at the team. Lightbulb catches it, and rolls it out to reveal the logo. She smiles.
[LIGHTBULB]: Put it in!
[CHEESY]: I’ll take that action!
They fistbump.
[CHRIS]: The rest of you over here.
Fan.
Knife.
Cherries.
Marshmallow.
Apple.
Suitcase.
Baseball.
Nickel.
Box.
Soap.
and Tissues.
Move, move, move!
You guys will officially be known as the Killer Bass.
He throws another rolled up flag at the Bass. It hits Tissues in the face, knocking him over.
[NICKEL]: Heh. Nice catch.
Tissues slowly and shakily raises his arm up and gives him a thumbs up.
[TISSUES] Thanks.
[CHRIS]: Alright, campers, you and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition.
Cut to Chris in the confessional outhouse.
The camera and audio quality are significantly worse due to the cheaper camera.
You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries any time you want. Let the audience at home know what you’re really thinking, or just get something off your chest.
Baseball confessional.
[BASEBALL]: Alright, so things aren’t looking to be as fun as I thought they’d be, but I’m choosing to stay optimistic!
Cheesy confessional.
[CHEESY]: I gotta say, this is one crappy confessional booth!
He slaps his knee.
Soap confessional.
Soap doesn’t confess anything — she cleans the toilet while humming a merry tune.
Cut back to the campfire pit.
[CHRIS]: Alright, any questions?
[PAINTBRUSH]: Well, actually, I have a question about—
[CHRIS]: Cool.
Paintbrush grumbles as they get interrupted for the second time that day.
Let’s find you cabins. Gophers, you’re in the east cabin. Bass, you’re in the west.
Cabin area.
The Bass boys all enter their side of the Bass cabin together. They all stand by the door, taking in the appearance of their sleeping quarters. They all display a different level of discomfort/disappointment besides Nickel, who seems relatively unphased about its appearance. He shrugs.
[NICKEL]: Eh, I’ve slept in worse places.
He places his bags by one of the bunk beds and climbs up into the top bunk.
[NICKEL]: (to Baseball) Hey big guy, wanna sleep with me?
Fan snorts.
[BASEBALL]: Yeah, I’ll pass.
Though he says that, he claims the bunk under Nickel, and climbs up to his bunk to sit with him.
[TISSUES]: My mom says I’m not allowed to sleep with other people.
[KNIFE]: Fine by me.
They both go to claim beds at opposite ends of the cabin.
[FAN]: But then where will I sleep?!
[KNIFE]: There’s two other empty beds here. Just pick one.
[FAN]: But bunk beds are supposed to be shared! It’s part of the appeal, y’know?
Knife tries to ignore him, but Fan is determined to get what he wants. He stares at her pleadingly. Knife sighs and gives in.
[KNIFE]: Ugh, fine. But you’re sleeping on the bottom bunk.
[FAN]: I can live with that!
Meanwhile, Paintbrush stands in front of the Gopher cabin, with a face of intense thought.
Lightbulb sees them thinking through the girl’s cabin door. She steps out of the cabin to talk to them.
[LIGHTBULB]: What’s up?
[PAINTBRUSH]: I don’t know what cabin I’m supposed to sleep in…
[LIGHTBULB]: You can bunk with me if you want.
Paintbrush considers her offer. Before they can say anything to her, Trophy grabs their arm and pulls them into the boy’s side.
[TROPHY]: C’mon, tall guy, you’re comin’ with me.
[PAINTBRUSH]: What the—??
Trophy throws Paintbrush up onto one of the top bunks, then quickly climbs up onto another.
Yin and Yang rush into the cabin. The other boys all stare at them, Trophy with a very smug grin on his face.
[TROPHY]: Told you you’d be last.
[YANG]: Not fair!! You cheated!!
[TROPHY]: You’re just mad your tiny legs can’t carry you fast enough.
Yang throws his suitcase up at Trophy.
[TROPHY]: Ow!! You little twerp!!
Yang points and laughs at him.
[PAINTBRUSH]: Okay, what the hell is going on?!
[YIN]: Trophy—
The guys (and Paintbrush) are interrupted by screeching from the loud speakers.
The camera cuts from cabin to cabin to show everyone’s reactions to the noise.
[CHRIS]: (off) Alright, campers, your free time is up! Everyone report to the cafeteria for your first challenge of the day — lunch.
He laughs at his stupid joke.
Cafeteria.
The campers all stand in a line, waiting to be served by Chef Hatchet.
[CHEF]: Listen up! I serve it three times a day, and you’ll eat it three times a day! Grab a tray, get your food, and sit your butts down NOW!!!
The campers oblige.
[SOAP]: Excuse me, do you know when your kitchen was last inspected? I always check if everything’s up to par when eating out because—
[CHEF]: What happens in my kitchen is none of your business!
He slaps a serving of mysterious slop onto her plate. She grimaces.
Now get lost!
[SOAP]: (to herself) Asshole…
Chef throws a cleaver in her direction. She yelps, ducking just low enough to avoid getting hit.
[CHEF]: WHAT WAS THAT, MISSY?!
[SOAP]: Nothing!
She scuttles away. She chooses to sit in a seat as far away from Chef as possible. She notices him glaring at her — she turns to the side slightly and starts shovelling food into her mouth panickedly.
Nickel opens his mouth to make a sarcastic remark, but Baseball stops him.
Cherries approach Chef, holding out both of their trays expectedly. Chef serves Left, and throws Right’s tray across the room.
[RIGHT]: Hey, what gives?!
[CHEF]: Each player gets one serving. Don’t be greedy.
[LEFT]: But there’s two of us!
[CHEF]: Well, then you’ll just have to share. NEXT!
The Cherries walk away angrily with their one tray. Yin and Yang are next. Chef serves them two separate types of slop in two separate bowls with two separate ladles. He points to one on the left.
[CHEF]: That’s the gluten free one. Don’t forget it.
Right Cherry bolts up right, forcing Left Cherry up as well. He struggles to keep himself upright.
[RIGHT]: HE GOT TWO PORTIONS BUT I DON’T EVEN GET ONE?!
[BOX]: I think I’d count that as a blessing.
She sticks her spoon into her reddish-brown slop. She watches with a horrified expression as the slop consumes the spoon and slithers away.
The campers are all seated at their teams’ tables. Chris enters the cafeteria to address them.
[CHRIS]: Welcome to the main lodge! I can see you’re all enjoying your food…
Chef glares at all the campers — they all nod out of intimidation, Soap nodding the most vigorously. He smiles approvingly.
[CHRIS]: Your first challenge begins in one hour.
[SOAP]: If this is what our food looks like, I don’t even want to think about what our challenges will be like…
[BASEBALL]: It’ll be fine. It’s our first challenge, how hard can it be?
Cut to the 1000 foot cliff.
[BASEBALL]: Awh (censor bleep).
Hard cut.
End.