Work Text:
“Welcome back to Hot Ones, the show with hot questions and even hotter wings. I’m Sean Evans and joining me here today is Shane Hollander. He’s a four-time Stanley Cup champion and has represented Canada twice as captain of their Olympic Men’s hockey team. He’s a two-time MVP winner, has won the Hart Memorial Trophy and the Conn Smythe Trophy. His NHL career has been storied, becoming the youngest captain of the Montreal Metros at age 24, and comes to us fresh off winning the Stanley Cup in his first season as an Ottawa Centaur. Shane, welcome.” Sean smiles widely, shifting to look across the table at Shane.
Shane had agreed to the Hot Ones interview on a single condition, which their production team seemed almost too happy to grant him: He wanted Ilya to have to be interviewed too. Technically chicken was fine for his diet, but competitive spicy food eating? There was no point to doing it if Ilya wasn’t going on after him.
“Thanks for having me, Sean,” Shane gave him a slightly awkward nod and his media smile, but settled into his seat further.
“How are you feeling about all this? Eat a lot of spicy food normally?” Shane chuckled to himself, the echo of Ilya’s mocking voice in his ear about how boiled chicken is not spicy Hollander.
“Honestly, no. I tend to stick to a pretty bland diet during the season and we eat a lot of Russian and Japanese food when we’re not training, so not a ton of spicy in my day to day.” Sean smiled back at him, and for a man whose job it was to both feed Shane spicy food and ask him invasive questions, he was oddly nice-looking.
“Well, no worries, we’ll do this one together and hopefully my questions will be distracting enough!” Shane chuckled again, trying to keep the nerves off his face. It was game time.
- Hot Ones The Classic Chili Maple Hot Sauce
“Shane, Hockey players, yourself included, have been known to be famously superstitious. What are your pre- and post-game rituals like and how have they changed throughout your career?” Shane gingerly picked up his wing to give himself a chance to think.
“I did some research on this show before coming so I knew you’d ask questions that make me think, I just wasn’t expecting one to open with,” Shane took a bit of his wing and sagged a bit in relief. The first wing was totally fine.
“Before a game, I have an embarrassingly complicated routine that depends on what time the game is, if it’s a home or away game, that sort of thing. Ilya,” He paused, chewing, “Rozanov, my husband, likes to make fun of me. But usually it’s a workout, my protein smoothie that everyone says is gross, a nap, and then I read a bit to get in the zone.”
“What kinds of things do you tend to read?” Sean had set his wing down, the first hurdle cleared without much drama. Shane smiled slightly, seeming to laugh at himself more than the question.
“Usually books about hockey, memoirs of hockey players, that sort of thing. I’ve been getting a bit more into other genres, Ilya and Scott Hunter both like a murder book but those stress me out so they can’t be pre-game books.” He pauses to wipe his hands a bit and resumes.
“At the arena I do the whole right sock, right skate, left sock, left skate thing, I have to tape my stick a specific way, I need to touch both goal posts of our goal with my stick before the game starts. These days I have to shake hands with Troy Barrett which has gone a bit viral, so now I need to do that before a game too, which is more fun than the rest of my things.”
Sean smiles, he’d seen the video of the handshake, in all its serious, business-like glory, and had hoped it would come up.
“And after a game? Any rituals?” Shane tiled his head slightly, gesturing for a moment with the wing before setting it down again.
“If we win at home, we go to our bar for a drink with the team. I never used to go out after, but these days I can usually be dragged. In general, though, a long shower, some PT, I can feel myself getting old, and sushi. Win or lose, Ilya and I do our best to make sushi happen after a game. We’re usually pretty successful, even if it has to be the next day.” Shane smiles slightly. They’d eaten some very worrying sushi in the name of this tradition in cities all over North America, but it was a rare food that always felt safe to Shane, and Ilya loved to order obscene amounts of fish and scarf it down like a monster. Win-win.
“Where was the best sushi you’ve had while on the road?” Sean smiled widely, he hoped it was New York, where they were shooting today, but he knew he was biased.
“Honestly, I’m not a good judge here. After you play a hockey game, you’ll eat just about anything. I think we barely taste it usually, too busy replacing what we’ve just burned off.” Shane fought a blush and glanced down. Usually, the sushi came after they’d gone back to the hotel and worn each other out in another way, and unfortunately the two were now inextricably linked in his mind.
“Fair enough, if you need New York City sushi recs, let me know. We love good food here and we take it seriously.” Shane laughed openly at that, nodding along with him.
“Before we go on to wing number 2, how are we feeling about the first one? Not too bad?” Shane smiled, moving his now-clean bones over to the side.
“Yeah, that one wasn’t bad at all, just not sure if I think maple belongs on a hot wing, but they’ll probably not let me be on Team Canada again if I say that too loudly.” Sean laughs, nodding along, and they move to wing number 2.
- Sinai Gourmet Tropiquante Hot Sauce
“So Shane, going back to childhood a bit here. In interviews, your parents mention that from a very young age, you were an incredible hockey player. If you hadn’t ended up playing professionally, what other path do you think you would have taken?”
Shane picked up his wing experimentally and gave it a look as he thought about it. He’d never seriously considered any other jobs, but he could chat while he came up with something. All the years with Ilya Rozanov had given him some ability to run his mouth, even if he didn’t tend to use it.
“It really would depend on if I’d been unable because of an injury or what, but I like to think I’d still have this love for the game. My husband would say something sarcastic about how I should have been a model or something, but that’s because he doesn’t leave the chirping on the ice.” Sean laughed. He knew he was going to interview said husband after this, and was looking forward to comparing notes.
“Maybe he’s just giving you a compliment. You’ve made almost all list of hottest players since your rookie season, maybe he’s right,” Sean teased. Shane bit his wing to hide his blush. He knew about these lists, and he loathed these lists. But his husband loved these lists, and so on they carried.
“Maybe. Hard to tell with him sometimes,” Shane gestured to the wing, “This one is actually good? Like fruity and hot at the same time?” Sean nodded, biting his own wing. Shane could head Ilya’s voice in his head “Fruity and hot, like you, yes?” and fought to keep his face blank.
“We try to make them not just painful if we can, some should also be tasty,” he said through laughter, and Shane shook his head, already dreading later wings.
“I think I’d have ended up a physio or a nutritionist, something in the sport medicine area. I’m really interested in that part of the sport, and as an athlete there’s only so much time you have to devote to it. And honestly, people tend to want you to let them do their jobs, which is fair. I play the hockey, they sort out my knees. But it would be fun to be on the other side I think.” Shane finished his wing, setting the bones neatly lined up with the first one.
“Fair enough! Anything outside of the hockey world, besides modeling of course, ever spark your interest?” Shane was already shaking his head.
“It’s pretty boring from me, but I got into hockey so young and have been doing this most of my life. I’ve literally done nothing else since I was 17 years old, I’m shockingly ignorant about what other stuff is even out there. Like I know the basics, but beyond that? I know I wouldn’t be a good lawyer or accountant, and I probably wouldn’t be very good at interviewing people over hot wings. Probably best I stick to hockey,” Shane laughed slightly when he saw he’d won a laugh out of his interviewer. Someone behind the camera who sounded suspiciously like a certain Russian hockey player also laughed, but was ignored by the man being interviewed.
“Hey, I’m just glad you’re not coming for my job! Let’s move on to wing number three, see if we can find another sauce you like.” Shane nodded, already over-confident about his wing ability. Everyone knows wings one and two are child’s play.
- Piko Peppers Piko Riko Hot Sauce
“Now before we get into your professional NHL career, I’m hoping we can chat about the Canada Men’s hockey team a bit. You’re a two-time Olympic medalist for Canada, both of which you were captain for. How would you say your second Olympics in Pyeongchang was different from your first in Sochi and what are you hoping to bring to your third in Beijing, assuming you attend?” Sean picked up his wing, eyeing Shane with a sort of familiarity which was unexpectedly comfortably. Shane grabbed his wing and set his elbows on the table, pondering how to talk about Sochi without talking about Russia and the complex situation there.
“The first thing that come to mind is experience, in Sochi I was so young. I had so much growing up to do and really took a more hand-off approach as captain. There were so many guys on the team with more experience than me and I was happy to wear the C and not lead as much.” Shane took a pause to take a bite of his wing. This one was hotter for sure, but Shane wasn’t panicking yet. “I was a lot more settled as a player and as a person in 2018 versus 2014, and had grown a lot in that time. Ilya and I were together officially at that point, so it was both better and worse.” Shane paused, grimacing very slightly. He’d said too much.
“You and Ilya Rozanov haven’t clarified the timeline for your relationship officially. Would you like to now?” Shane smiled slightly as he gnawed on his wing, the sauce gaining heat as he decided. He wasn’t entirely sure Ilya wouldn’t lay out a timeline with photo evidence and all in his interview after, but also what Ilya did in interviews was so beyond Shane’s control that it wasn’t worth worrying over.
“Not particularly, but I can. We were official in 2017, so the Olympics in 2018 was a fun break from the season but still a lot of sneaking around. Nobody knew we were together, really, so it was stressful. Played a lot of good hockey that year though. Ilya wasn’t very happy with me.” Shane grinned, setting his wing down in the neat line he was making.
“And in Sochi you weren’t together, so it was different for that reason?” Sean set his wing down as well, glancing at Shane as he asks. Shane took a moment to consider. Ilya had gotten his Canadian citizenship earlier that year, Russia couldn’t retaliate against him for past crimes unless Ilya went to Russia, and that wasn’t in the plan. Shane shook his head slightly, fidgeting his hands on the table.
“We weren’t exclusive during the Sochi Olympics, but we certainly had some kind of relationship. I’m sure Ilya would say more than me,” Shane smiled slightly as he was cut off.
“I’ve noticed he tends to,” Sean teased, smiling wryly.
“He really does.” Shane snorted, flushing slightly at the fact that this was all recorded. Better not to think about it. “But yeah, we were seeing each other even then. It was tricky, Russia isn’t very friendly to folks like us, and Ilya was dealing with some personal matters, but the hockey was still great. Always better to have Rozanov on the ice though, that was a tricky year for Team Russia.” Shane adjusted the bones slightly so they were better lined up, and Sean took it for the redirection that it was.
“So true, we do want to see everyone playing their best. No matter the team.” Shane nodded solemnly, shrugging off the memory of the terrible, frigid conversation in the rink in Sochi. “What did you think of wing three? Hopefully heating up a bit?”
Shane nodded emphatically, smiling at himself.
“For sure hotter, I’m starting to get a little nervous, Sean.”
- Hot Ones Los Calientes Barbacoa Hot Sauce
“Moving on to your NHL career, you’ve won 4 Stanley cups now on two different teams, what would you say is common between these teams and what differences have you experienced?” Sean gestured to Shane as he picked up his fourth wing. Shane tried to keep the cringe off his face at the thought of defending Montreal in public, picking up his wing to give his nervous hands something to do.
“To be fair, this is our first my first one with Ottawa, so I’ve only had a single season to compare to ten seasons at Montreal,” Shane joked, taking a bite of his wing. He knew there would be real questions in this silly interview with hot wings, he just wasn’t also expecting to be unearthing and shoveling through his trauma over bar snacks.
“The culture at the two teams is pretty different, at least for me. I was captain for a long time as a Metro, from a really young age so it was very much a team of my making in many ways.” Someone off screen must gesture or make some noise, because Shane looked off screen sharply. Shane smiled slightly at this, shaking his head a fraction of a degree. Now is not the time.
“Ottawa feels more like Rozanov’s team, he’s the captain, so his culture is more laid back in the practice style but a lot more intense in other ways. Montreal had a very intense culture of playing hard that Ottawa doesn’t have as much, its less about the player on Ottawa and more about the team itself. When I was captain of Montreal, it was more about the individual players and letting them show off than it was making the team overall look good.” Shane paused, deciding this is as good a break as any to take a bite of his wing.
His eyebrows raised slightly as he chewed. This was the first wing that was actually hot. Not a great sign less than halfway through this, but also? This was the point. Shane sucked in a deep breath through his nose and tried to avoid looking at the man behind the camera who was surely grinning widely at him.
“Ottawa has a reputation for being a team that doesn’t allow much verbal abuse on the ice, which is very different from Montreal’s reputation in the league. As a player, do you think there’s a difference in what people can get away with on the ice and in the locker room between the two teams?” Sean had also taken a bite of his fourth wing and chewed as he asked the question. Shane let his face fall blank, falling into the Captain Hollander persona that protected him for so long. As much as he would love to tear into Montreal and their team culture of homophobic abuse, he was aware that is more Ilya’s energy than his. But the spice was burning in his mouth, and he allowed himself just a bit of bitchiness.
“I’d say those reputations are a result of how individual players behave on the ice. The locker room is something of a scared place for us hockey players so I won’t speak too much on that, but I’ll say that some players who I’ve been on teams with would have a difficult time in the Ottawa locker room. The Ottawa captain’s reputation for dropping gloves over those kinds of comments is earned, and he doesn’t give his team a free pass.” Shane smiled slightly as he looks down at the table, again lining the bones up into a neat line. Four down, six to go.
“That sounds very diplomatic, Mr. Hollander,” Sean responded, almost teasing but in a kind voice, “Would you say you’re happy with this new culture?” Shane doesn’t laugh, but it’s a near thing, swiping a hand across his mouth to cover it.
“I’m very excited to be back in Ottawa, my hometown. Any culture differences are a happy accident, I’m very fortunate to get to play on such an excellent team.” Sean nodded, not quite pushing Shane on this one. He, and the audience behind the camera, could sense that PR approved Shane Hollander has taken this question, and there wouldn’t be much pushing him on this.
“And the wing? We’re getting there for sure,” Sean gestured to their progress through the wings, Shane nodded along.
“They’re getting pretty hot, Sean, I won’t be macho about it.”
- Fly By Jing Sichuan Gold Hot Sauce
“A bit of a technical question as we get to our fifth wing here, you’ve played as a first line center for the majority of your professional career, how has playing second line center shifted your view of the sport and your role on the team?” Shane tilted his head thoughtfully, his next wing set back down on the table as he thought.
“Wow, you really do research and ask good questions. Your rep is very earned.” Shane nods at Sean as he watches the interviewer take a bite of his wing with very little reaction. Shane cautiously picks up his wing a takes a bite. Immediate regret. How did he get talked into this.
“OK so now they’re actually getting spicy!” He set the wing down, content with his nibble that he’d taken. The hot ones interview had a reputation for being brutal on the taste buds, but Shane had assumed that having his teeth taken out of his head forcibly by the end of a hockey stick would have prepared him. Turned out that was a different kind of pain, who knew.
“It’s certainly a different way to play the sport, but I think it’s more suited to me at this point in my career. Maybe when I was younger I had more of that hunger to be the guy on the team leading for goals and points,” Shane was cut off here.
“You’ve led the league for five of the last eight seasons for points and have won the Art Ross trophy, I think you had that hunger because you knew you could do it.” Sean teased, but he also gestured seriously with his wing, and Shane nodded slightly, a flush on his face either from the listing of his accolades or the spice, it was hard to tell.
“Fair, but you’re only as good as your team, I had a great team with me for those seasons.” Sean raised his hands, letting the argument drop, and Shane smiled slightly, carrying on. “So much of what I love about hockey is being able to guess what’s about to happen on the ice. Being on the second line gives me more of a chance to read a defense, read a line, figure out a goaltender and how his game is going. When I watch that first line work, especially with Bood and Barrett on the wings, I can figure out what they’re missing,” Shane paused, sipping water in a somewhat desperate manner and speaking faster now, “Not because they’re anything other than amazing players, just hard to see the ice when you’re on it. And when I can see what’s happening while the first line is on the ice, it gives me a chance to get out there and put one away quick after the shift change, which is one of Ottawa’s real strengths.” Shane took another nibble of his wing, content to let the burn settle across his tongue.
“You’ve been lauded as a playmaker and a high hockey IQ player since your rookie season, do you think being on a second line has allowed that to show a bit more or do you think this was an inevitable progression of your career as a player regardless of what line you were on?” Sean lined his bones up with the others, mirroring Shane’s on the table in front of him.
“I guess I won’t really ever know, but I like to think that this was inevitable with the right support especially on the wings. Lucas Haas has really allowed us to do some fancy playmaking on the second line, plus he’s such a nice kid, it’s nice to feel like you’re working on a second line with a guy who will someday be on a first line that beats you.” Shane laughs slightly, setting his bones down in his line. Water is his next grab, somewhat more desperate than the last time he reached for it.
“Well, I certainly hope your hockey evolution was inevitable! Because these wings seem to be hitting us here at number five.” Sean smiled as he reached for his own water, likely to be polite and make Shane feel less bad about already being on the back foot so early on.
“Yeah, I’m officially worried, Sean. I think I might be regretting my decisions that have led me here,” Shane laughed nervously, reaching again for his water as he fidgeted his bones into a perfect line. Halfway done.
- Chile Lengua De Fuego Turmeric Bomb Hot Sauce
“So we’ve talked about your move to the second line being key to your play-making abilities, independent of that, you have a reputation for being among the most knowledgeable people on the ice when it comes to hockey history and rules. What is your favorite tidbit people may not know about the game and why?” Sean smiled slightly, it was like he’d sent in a nice softball question for himself here.
“Honestly, you’re opening a real can of worms with this one, Sean, didn’t anyone tell you?” Shane took a bite of his wing to give himself some time to think about what random regulation or historical tidbit would be most fun for this interview that fundamentally was so people wouldn’t think he was just Ilya Rozanov’s robot husband. Unfortunately, the wing was very hot. It was also, coincidentally, very tasty.
“Sorry, I think I need to take this sauce with me,” Shane spun the bottle around to read the front label which had been facing the cameras. “Do we have this one at home?” He looked off behind the camera, where someone, presumably Ilya Rozanov, had gestured back to him.
“Yeah, we have this one at home. Sorry, got excited about this. Bood, Zane Boodram that is, is a big fan of this one. I think he doctors it a bit but he’s using this at Centaurs barbecues, you’re in good company.” Shane laughed slightly, taking a sip of water after he took another bite of his wing.
“Good to know I’m in such good company; Boodram does very well on social media with his BBQ videos.” Sean laughed slightly, looking to Shane who was finishing his wing cleanly.
“Yeah, I have so many weird bits of hockey knowledge, I think the best one might be that you technically can hand pass the puck, like throw it from player to player, as long as you’re in your own defensive zone. Its only illegal, like very illegal, in the neutral or offensive zone, which to be fair, is most of the ice. But still, Rozanov and I have this idea that we’ll make a trick play that somehow involves throwing the puck to each other in the defensive zone. We haven’t worked it out yet, but if we figure it out then we’re hoping it’ll get named after us.” Shane laid his bones down in the neat line he’d been building across the table, feeling pretty proud of himself. He was still doing OK, and he was almost done now.
“Stay tuned hockey fans, we might see some airborne puck action next season!” Sean laughed, laying his own bones down in the lineup. “How are you feeling over there, mister throwing the hockey puck in the defensive zone?”
“Honestly, I’m feeling OK, this one was mostly just tasty, so I’m feeling confident here. Might regret saying that though.” Shane smiled, poking his wing bones to give his hands something to do. He almost certainly would regret this.
- Karma Sauce Cosmic Disco Hot Sauce
“So Shane, now we’re taking a little break from talking puck, which I’ve learned is slang for talking about hockey, to talk about your personal life if that’s alright.” Shane grimaced slightly, but let Sean carry on with his question. “You have a fairly famous friendship with professional actress Rose Landry after having a brief romantic relationship. Are there any acting tips she has given you that you’ve found useful in hockey? Any hockey advice she’s taken to her acting?” Shane laughed aloud. This was so far from the questions about Rose that he’d been asked in the past that he was truly tickled by it. He’d been assured by both his mother and Ilya that these questions would be well-thought-out and respectful, but he hadn’t expected them to be so pleasantly surprising.
“This is such a fun question, Sean, really, I’m going to get such a string of texts from her about this when the interview goes up on YouTube.” Shane laughed again, picking his wing up to take a bite. It was hot, for sure, but it wasn’t much hotter than the sixth wing was. His confidence grew on this fact, and that was a mistake.
“Rose hasn’t given me much acting advice, because I’m useless at it.” He chewed for a moment, he knew this was a boring answer. “But she dresses me a lot, like when we go to NHL awards or anything with he, she picks those outfits. I think she likes getting to get on Facetime with Ilya and pick out outrageous outfits for me to wear.” Shane laughed again, his nose crinkling as he remembered the many outfits he’d veto’d before those outings. Sheer shirts were Ilya’s territory, Shane liked his shirts to be shirts, thank you very much.
“So Rose Landry and Ilya Rozanov are friends?” Sean followed up with a smile around his wing. Shane nodded emphatically.
“Ilya likes to pretend he’s jealous of her because Rose and I dated for like two months years ago, but yeah, they’re friends. He’ll probably be upset I’m ruining his rep here, but they do talk on FaceTime a lot about how to dress me up for these events.” Shane paused to lick sauce off of his thumb, a moment he had no idea would become among the most used gifs of the year. “In all seriousness though, Rose really helped me to accept myself at a time in my life when it felt impossible. She was such a friend to me when she could have chosen to be hurt that I wasn’t interested in her romantically, and I’m so grateful for that. I don’t think she taught me to act, I think she probably helped me to stop acting, if that makes sense.” Shane had trailed off nervously, setting his wing down into the lineup and nervously wiping his hands on a napkin.
“That very much makes sense, she’s known as an actress who makes a study of behavior, it would follow that she could see you clearly. It’s literally her business.” Shane nodded, folding his hands in front of him.
“Exactly that, she really saw me, which felt really rare back then. I was hiding a lot, not just that I was gay but everything that came with it. She made me feel like it was OK to just be me, and I’m so grateful for that.” Shane nodded, trying to get across that he wasn’t going to talk on this much more, but Sean was undeterred. He had one more section of the question that had yet to be addressed.
“And have you taught her anything from the hockey world that you think she’s using, either in her acting or elsewhere?” Shane laughed, he’d forgotten the back half of this question.
“She comes and plays a bit informally with me and Ilya if we have ice time somewhere, she’s honestly not bad!” Shane laughs a little at Sean’s look of disbelief, but carries on. “I’m not sure she’s using that in her acting though, but I do think she must be drawing on our friendship for some of her work. We’ve been very good friends for a while now, and there’s a certain intimacy that comes with that. Rose is a really special person who can draw inspiration from anywhere, but she’s also a sucker for good gossip.” Shane cuts his eyes to a camera and mouths ‘SORRY’ with a wide Rozanov-esque smile. “I’d bet a cup that she’s used some of her actual reactions to hearing about drama in my life in a film at some point. Her shocked and delighted face when I told her the guy I was seeing was Ilya Rozanov is burned in my mind, and I’m pretty sure I saw it in the most recent X Squad movie during the twist ending.” Shane suppresses a smile as Sean laughs.
“And wing number seven? You seem to be OK over there.” Shane nods, smiling with just a touch of cockiness.
“It wasn’t terrible. I’m cautiously optimistic over here.” Sean nodded seriously.
“Cautiously optimistic is what we aim for.”
- Da Bomb Beyond Insanity Hot Sauce
“OK Shane, we’ve reached wing number 8, how are you feeling?” Sean leveled Shane with a look more serious than an interview with chicken wings probably called for, but Shane was no slouch. He’d watched these interviews to prepare, and knew number 8 was where people just fell apart. He was, appropriately, nervous.
“Nervous, I’ve seen what this wing did to Beyonce, I’m not going to be any better than her for sure.” Sean laughed at his response and gestured to the wings.
“Well so far you’re doing great, nearly done. And this question will hopefully distract you.” Shane narrowed his eyes in mock suspicion as he picked up his wing, gesturing for the question as he examined it.
“Shane, your husband Ilya Rozanov has several times alluded to there being a Hollander and a Shane. Would you agree with this? Is there a similar Ilya versus Rozanov divide between your husband’s public and private personas?”
Shane grinned widely, nodding to himself as he took a cautious bite of the wing.
He sucked in a breath through his nose as he chewed, feeling sweat break out along his hairline. This was worse than he’d expected. It was the kind of spice that made your whole body panic, and for a moment Shane considered spitting out the bite he’d taken, but forced himself to swallow.
“How are you doing over there?” Sean asked, setting his own wing down as Shane experienced the five stages of grief all at once. Shane wiped his fingers on the napkin in his lap and took a sip of his water, raising an eyebrow at Sean’s calm demeanor.
“You’re way to calm. That is absolutely nuclear. Also? Awful. Not a fan.” Shane could feel his media training crack, but he couldn’t help himself.
“Yeah, Da Bomb is a kingslayer for sure.” Shane laughed slightly, knowing it was sounding a bit too hysterical to be cool but also not in a space to care. “So, Shane versus Hollander?”
Shane nodded as he gulped down some water, aware that he was now covered in a sheen of sweat. This was a mistake and Ilya was somewhere behind the camera loving every second.
“Yeah, I mean Hollander is the hockey player and Shane is the person, and for so long that was how I felt like it had to be. Not just because I’m gay but mostly because of that, if that makes sense?” He paused, more water.
“I’m not a very cool person, I think, and so I got very good at giving boring media answers and being this like ‘hockey captain’ when I was at Montreal, and it just worked. Like nobody asked too many questions because they knew the answer was going to be something really boring like we need to keep working and putting the puck in the net or a no comment, I was big on no comment for a while. Ilya sent me a compilation of my interviews where I said the exact same phrase, I’m here to play hockey, not discuss my private life, like ten times. Exact same phrasing. He finally got me to admit that I’d practiced it in the mirror so it would be specifically boring.” More water. Shane considered the milk.
“I just couldn’t handle the idea that I would slip up and people would figure it out, that I was gay, that I’m pretty boring, that I’m this awkward nerdy guy instead of a cool hockey player, so I got really good at being Hollander.” Shane hadn’t had milk in years, he didn’t usually like dairy, but this was a special circumstance, surely.
“But with Ilya, and now with quite a few more people than just my husband, I could just be Shane. I could read my boring books and eat my weird food and not have to worry about it. It was so freeing, it was nice to be able to relax I think.” Shane broke, he took a sip of the milk. It didn’t help enough.
“He also, probably, knew you were gay.” Sean added, and Shane nodded emphatically.
“Ilya Rozanov claims to have known I was gay before I knew. He might be right about that, but its still an annoying thing to say to your husband.” Shane tilted his head slightly, and went on. “Ilya has a similar divide, but I’d say he was better at it than me, like his Rozanov is more fun than my Hollander, people liked it better. He was driving stupid cars and going to clubs and stuff, when the Ilya who I knew was kind and funny, still a total asshole but not sincere about it. Now of course he’s mostly just an asshole on the ice and plays with puppies and holds babies and stuff. Its hilarious to watch people realize he’s always been that person.” Shane smiled slightly, looking down at the nibble he’d taken of the eighth wing. He would be eating no more.
“So do you feel now that there’s less divide between your public and private selves? Or does that still exist?” Shane nodded, considering.
“It still exists for sure, but the circle of who counts as private has broadened. It used to be basically just Ilya, and now it’s so many more people, its freeing really. Plus, I get to be an asshole sometimes now too, which is so fun. Ilya isn’t the only one of us who can be a menace, though he’s certainly had more practice.”
“Speaking of practice, Rozanov’s public persona had a strong element of sexuality to it, was that a difficult thing to reconcile with his private persona, especially given his reputation with women?” Shane signed slightly, dabbing sweat off his face with a napkin.
“I mean, yes and no. Yes, because we obviously weren’t exclusive at the time so it was difficult to know where we stood, but no because I knew him before that all really got going. Like the Russian menace that was a rookie on the Boston Bears was also the guy who’d insisted they add me to his CCM advert because he was into me. I knew Ilya, whether he liked it or not, before then. He could have slept with every woman in North America and I’d still have known that he was nervous to move to Boston from Moscow. I’d still have known what kind of underwear he wore and how he tied his shoes. He might have been this sexy hockey player who was womanizing across the continent in the tabloids but he was still the guy who’d cycled at midnight and then shared his water bottle with me on draft night when I was upset I hadn’t been drafted ahead of him. He wasn’t very good at hiding from me once I started looking.” Shane paused, looking up from the napkin he’d been meticulously shredding.
“I’m sorry, were you referencing the CCM shoot from before your rookie years? You were together then?” Sean looked stunned, like he’d had something thrown at him. Shane nodded silently, arranging the bones in front of him, aware he’d said a bit too much.
“Wow. Not the timeline I think anyone expected, I’ll give you that, Shane,” He laughed in disbelief, and Shane smiled slightly, nodding.
“It’s been a long time, I think people really didn’t realize that the entire time we’ve been playing each other, we also knew each other.” Shane paused, someone behind the camera had choked out a laugh and he knew it was Ilya. “Took us a while to get to the talking about feelings part, but we got there eventually.” Shane smiled softly, and Sean took it for the ending comment that it was.
“Well hopefully you also feel like we’re getting there on these wings, I know this one is a rough one.” Shane leaned back in his seat, his face very serious.
“Sean, I really did not like this wing. I won’t lie to you. I think it had powers of truth serum or something because I know I said more than I was going to.” Shane narrowed his eyes further, and Sean smiled.
“The wings have a way of doing that.”
- Puckerbutt Pepper Company Unique Garlique Hot Sauce
“Now on to wing number nine here Shane, and I’m sensing that your confident attitude has been knocked down a few pegs here.” Shane hung his head slightly and then looked back up.
“I just feel like any wing sauce that has the word ‘puckerbutt’ in it might not really be trying to create an enjoyable dining experience.” Sean laughed aloud at that as Shane picked up his wing, sniffing it with a frown.
“Fair enough. Hopefully my question will distract you then.” Sean smiled warmly as Shane narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
“The Ottawa Centaurs now have three out queer players, all of whom are superstars independent of their sexual orientation. What’s it been like being part of what has been called ‘the gayest team in the NHL’ and ‘the gay dream team’? How has that media attention affected you?” Shane nodded, waggling his head back and forth before taking a too-confident bite of the wing.
“Sean, I will not lie here,” Shane said through his chewing, “This earns the puckerbutt title. I am officially concerned for my butt.” Sean laughed fully, tossing his head back a bit as Shane continued chewing.
“Honestly where are you guys finding these things? Terrible, honestly, I have to give it zero stars here, I am not enjoying it.” Shane set his wing down, content that he’d had the minimum polite amount and could give up now.
“So to answer your question,” Shane took a gulp of water, pressing the glass to his flushed face, “we’re technically not the gayest team, we’re the queerest team, Ilya is bi and I won’t be part of erasing him here.” Sean nodded emphatically, agreeing silently with Shane.
“But it’s very nice, especially because the team already knew gay and queer guys on the team before I got there. It’s just more comfortable to be in a locker room where you know these guys aren’t worried about the stupid shit that people accuse gay guys of online,” Shane paused, switching the glass to the other side of his face after another gulp of water.
“Sorry for cursing, I think I might be losing my mind a little here, I can’t feel my mouth anymore, it’s all just spice. But anyway, yeah, it’s nice to have a team who sees me as a player first and a gay man second, especially because we’re there to play hockey. Like being queer is incidental, you know?” Sean nodded again, gesturing with his wing to Shane.
“Plus, it’s just fun to be playing with such good players, especially people who can keep up with me and Ilya. Maybe that’s arrogant to say but it’s also true, having wingers who can keep up opens a lot of options for plays but it’s also just fun, hockey is fun again. Not because they’re gay, like they aren’t all gay, but they’re cool with it and actually mean that. Bood is on a line with Ilya and Troy Barrett and chirps them all the time about being obsessed with their partners and it’s such a funny thing to watch. Because it’s true, they are.” Shane took a gulp of water.
“Ilya and Troy are going to hate that I said that, sorry guys, but it’s true. Don’t be so obsessed with your partners if you don’t want people talking about it.” Sean cut in here while Shane was rambling.
“And the media? Do you feel like the attention has been a good thing?” Sean had a second bite of his wing and Shane stared in open horror. The man was clearly a psychopath.
“At least the attention is positive, and that’s my full comment. I’m sure Ilya will give you more about the gay dream team stuff, he was talking about getting us matching booty shorts for Pride but Troy said no. Luckily. I was dreading having to shut that down.” Shane dabbed water on his face, still flushed. His body was rejecting the most recent wing with a vengeance, but he was also crossing into a nirvana-like state where all was well. Not a good sign.
Sean was clearly trying not to laugh at the sweaty suffering hockey player in front of him, but wasn’t doing a great job.
“What a shame, those shorts would have really done numbers on social media I bet.” Shane set the water down with a thud and levelled a look across the table.
“Sean. I’m not trying to sound like an asshole here. But basically, everything my husband does these days is doing numbers on social media. He doesn’t need me and Troy in booty shorts to help him out.” Sean laughed, and Shane joined him. Someone behind the camera made a harumph noise, but besides that they moved on.
“So, wing nine is done, and you’re still alive,” Sean teased, and Shane shook his head.
“Only technically. I think I might actually die on wing number 10. Someone should call my parents and tell them I love them, because I think this might be it.” Sean smiled slightly as Shane thumped his head against the table in despair.
“Well, I’m glad you’re keeping a cool head about this.”
- Hot Ones The Last Dab Apollo Hot Sauce
“Last wing. Let’s do this, finish strong.” Sean said, opening his bottle of hot sauce and cheers-ing Shane across the table.
“It’s almost sadistic to make the guests add their own sauce here,” Shane mused, dabbing his wing through the puddle he poured, “Either we add a tiny bit so we don’t cry in an interview or we add too much to look cool and end up dying live on camera. There’s really no winning.” Sean nodded seriously to Shane, who had a game face on despite sniffling. He’d broken a sweat several wings ago and was clearly regretting his sweater.
“Last question here, Shane, you’ve nearly done it. You know I have to bring this one up. You played against your now-husband as part of intense NHL and international rivalries for over a decade. What would you say has been the highlight and can you share some particular memories that stick with you as you’re entering a new chapter as teammates?” Shane smiled widely before ducking his head. He took a bite of his wing, clearly absently, and his eyes visibly watered on camera.
“Well shit,” Shane said, setting his wing down. He wiped his hands off on a napkin and reached to the back of his neck to pull his sweater off over his head. Underneath, he was wearing a fitted t-shirt that was already sweating through in places, and off camera, a single “oh” was audible from a member of crew.
“I think we’d forgotten that you’re a professional athlete,” Sean joked, gesturing first to Shane’s arms and then to his shell-shocked crew. Shane blushed and continued chewing his wing, crossing his arms across his chest while he thought and fought to keep his eyes from watering further.
“Yeah, people do tend to forget, I’m not flashy about it like some people,” Shane looked off camera with a half-smile, “I think the highlights, to go back to your original question before I died and was resurrected, were usually faceoffs. We had so many across the years and those conversations,” Shane paused, taking a drink of water and wiping his nose, “We’re very lucky that mic’ing players up wasn’t really a thing back then, especially early on. Ilya used to say some really hilarious things back then.” Shane wiped his nose again, looking dazed.
“Any examples come to mind?” Sean prompted, seemingly alright following his hottest wing.
“Oh god, what insane shit did he used to say. Because there’s a ref right there you tend to have your face right up in the other guy’s face, like that’s the normal way to have a faceoff, especially if you’re Ilya Romanov who needs to say one thousand insane chirps or he’ll explode. He’d obviously say very crass things about me and what we were going to do after the game or what we’d done before the game, but those were pretty standard though,” Sean visibly choked but Shane was luckily wrapped up in fishing an ice cube out of his glass and didn’t notice.
“He also used to say very random-sounding things, like comments that only I would get the double meaning on. Usually hotel names or room numbers, which was logistically useful but also very destabilizing in a faceoff. He tended to win those ones.” Shane succeeded in acquiring an ice cube.
“But just as often he would say very normal things, comments about ad campaigns one of us had done, I was subjected to nearly a year of chirps about a Rolex ad that I’d done one season because he hadn’t liked the tie they’d put me in. Sorry Rolex, but Ilya Rozanov thought it made me look like a schoolboy. And felt the appropriate time to tell me that was a faceoff during a playoff game.” Shane laughed around his ice cube, and Sean smiled slightly.
“But outside of faceoffs, out 2017 Allstar game was such a highlight, it was our first time on a team together and it was just magic.” Shane paused, looking for words here.
“And you were together at this point? Or not yet?” Sean asked, a single eyebrow creeping up across his forehead.
“Not quite yet, but it was a turning point for sure. I’d broken up with Rose Landry,” A throat cleared behind the camera, “OK fine, Rose broke up with me, but she was very nice about it. And so we were both single and couldn’t deny that we actually liked each other anymore. So that was good too, but the hockey, that was special. It was fun to not have to hate him in public, like we could be friends and sit together at dinners. He was an absolute menace at the pool,” Sean laughed aloud at this, a moment that hadn’t made it to the public.
“He was, as always, playing some elaborate game with some other players’ children in the pool, a game of sharks and minnows I think, and was like betting with the children?” Shane looked behind the camera at Ilya Rozanov, who must have not helped him with telling this story. “Anyway, he needed cash and got out of the pool to ask me to lend him money, which is hilarious, while also dumping a bunch of pool water on me. But I was so distracted, I thought everyone must know I was obsessed with him. Luckily everyone was too focused on Ilya being adorable with children, but I was completely smitten with this silly man. I think he also argued with some kid who said I was the best player in the NHL?” Shane again looked off camera, smiling widely this time.
“Yeah, he loves to absolutely slander me to any audience that will listen. Even now, if you run into Ilya Rozanov in the grocery store and say you’re a fan of me, you’ve got a 50/50 chance of him responding with something rude about me. We’re married. We’ve been married. We stay married. I think his game is just annoying me at this point.” Shane smiled widely.
“But it’s such fun to be on a team with him. He’s a great captain, and does a really great job developing the young talent on the Centaurs while making sure the veterans get the respect and attention they deserve. We played against each other for a decade, and I think I speak for both of us when I say all the speculation about ‘oh will Hollander and Rozanov be able to get along?’ Yeah that was nonsense. We’ve been getting along since 2009, this is only new to you guys.” Shane leveled a half serious look at the camera, wiping his nose in a move reminiscent of Ilya Rozanov wiping blood off his face after a fight.
“Well Shane, I think I speak for a lot of people when I say we’re very happy for you, both on your partnership with Rozanov, professionally and personally, and your Stanley Cup win.” Shane nodded thanks, a wide grin on his face.
“And with that, we come to the end of the Hot Ones interview, you’ve done it! Now there’s nothing left to do but roll out the red carpet here. Look into the camera and tell us what you’ve got coming up next in life.” Shane smiled broadly at the camera.
“The Ottawa Centaurs and I, led by our captain Ilya Rozanov,” Some sound cuts him off and he rolls his eyes slightly, “Led by our very sexy captain Ilya Rozanov, are starting our season on October 4th against the Buffalo Sabres at home. We’re looking to defend our Stanley Cup win and bring the cup once again back to my hometown of Ottawa.” Shane paused, looking behind the camera for confirmation of something.
“And personally, my husband and I are looking forward to welcoming our first child early next year. We’ll let people know when they arrive, but for now we’re very excited to be parents and are looking forward to some sleepless nights with baby Hollander-Rozanov or Hollander-Rozanova.” Shane smiled brightly, and then nodded to himself, knowing that was where they’d cut the video.
“Great work Shane, both on the interview and the wings,” Sean said, standing to shake hands with Shane. Shane laughed and shook his hand, shaking his head at how insane he felt.
“I enjoyed it, but I’ll be honest. This was insane. I am never doing this again.”