Chapter Text
It had been a hot day in Phoenix, Arizona as I boarded the plane that would take me to Charlie, my father. I wanted to put my past physically behind me and decided to move to a whole new place. No more caring for my erratic, hair-brained mother. No more dealing with the checkbook. I decided that in Forks, Washington, I was going to allow myself to be as much of a kid as I could be.
The flight didn’t take too long. I had shut my eyes and decided to listen to an album on the flight. By the time the flight was over, I had only cycled through it twice. Yet when I opened my eyes, everything was so incredibly different it was hard to not feel a sense of whiplash. It was green and overcast. There were so many shadows and the sun finally left me alone. I felt like it was the environment that I could just blend into. It was comforting. Just like it always was during the summers I spent there as a kid.
I was excited to see Charlie. Feel him hug me in the way he always does. So completely. He was always good at being there for me when I needed him. He never overstepped. When I was younger, I thought that meant that he never did anything for me. Renee used to shower me with gifts, trips, exciting foods. I thought that meant she considered me more. But there’s something about coming downstairs for breakfast and seeing the brewed coffee being kept warm that felt so much more endearing.
When he pulled up in his cruiser, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. He always prided himself on being a cop. He never seemed to let it get to his head. Maybe it was the fact that the population of Forks was roughly the size of my old high school graduating class, or the way he always saw the best in people, but I never once actually saw him make an arrest.
I choked back my tears when I saw his car. I was home. I was safe. He embarrassingly got out the car and started waving dramatically while shouting my name. He was always a hands-off parent at home, but he was never quiet about how much he cared about me. That’s something I appreciated greatly.
“Bella!” My name came out at a volume that even surprised him. I ran over, dropping my luggage by the trunk, and jumped into his arms. I didn’t have a lot of luggage. Just a personal item and a carryon of clothes I couldn’t wait to burn, but I was happy to be starting over with him.
“Hi, dad” I called him that not just because he would kill me if I called him Charlie, but also because I needed my dad after the last few years in Phoenix.
“Woah there! Don’t squeeze the life out of me” He chuckled fondly as he lifted me and spun me around. “Let’s get going. I didn’t think to have a homemade dinner prepared, so we need to stop at the diner if we want any dinner”
I laugh as I moved to the passenger side of the car. Charlie grabbed my bags and placed them in his trunk. It felt nice knowing that he would do that for me. As long as I was in his presence, I would never have to carry my own bag. Although I would eventually become flustered and deny him this, I was so happy to have that care in my life again that I couldn’t deny him. I always took for granted how good of a problem it was to have a parent care too much.
The drive was long, and there was an unspoken question in the air that I knew Charlie was too scared to ask me. I had left Forks abruptly and with no explanation. I didn’t know what else to say to him other than needing to leave. As far as I was concerned, Phoenix would never see me again, so I never needed to talk about it. I didn’t need to answer questions, because it would follow with many, many more.
“Bells, I know that you need some time to adjust to being here again, but I would like you to eventually tell me what all of this is about.” I started to interject, but he held up a finger to quiet me, “You don’t have to right now, but as a parent, I’m supposed to look into changes of behavior. You packing your bag in the middle of the night, and getting on a plane with only a voicemail telling me you were on your way is a major red flag.” He moved his hand to provide some kind of comfort, but at my flinch he put it back on the gear-shift.
“Nothing happened in Phoenix. You know that mom and Phil are starting to get serious. They’ll travel around, and I would prefer to find a place to stay for a while” I tried not to puke in my mouth at the mentioning of them. I pushed the feeling down and continue, “besides, I’ve always loved visiting you, and maybe I want to spend a few years getting to know you before I graduate”
The lie slipped easily off my tongue. My brain blocked out a lot anyways. When I thought about Phoenix, all I felt was the bile climb up my throat, companioned with the feeling of absolute dread.
“You’re flattering me, and I will state again that we don’t have to get into it right now, but I know there’s more” He looked into my eyes briefly so I could see his sincerity in them. “I’ll drop the conversation for now, but I needed to get that off my chest.”
I nodded as I felt the familiar sting behind my eyes. As I looked out the window, it was easy to fall into the fuzzy feeling creeping up the back of my mind. I didn’t know what my eyes landed on, but I hoped it was out the window or something that would have warranted my attention. I found myself succumbing to that feeling a lot lately. Helped me avoid thinking.
I was removed from the trance when we arrived at the only food joint in Forks. As the car stopped, Charlie nudged me a little. “You okay to go in?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, dad” I hated when people treated me like I was fragile. Maybe I needed to try to be more present.
—
When we got home, Charlie carried my bags in again. Most of the dinner was spent talking about my school work before the move. Charlie hadn’t realized until I sent him the classes I was hoping to take that I was already in three AP classes. The harder course work gave me a challenge, and more importantly, an excuse. “There’s some cereal for breakfast in the morning, and I told the school that you are going to start sometime this week, so don’t feel any pressure to go tomorrow”
“Thanks, I think I might try to go anyways. I can’t imagine there’s going to be much to do instead” He nodded in return. “I’ll see you in the morning, then?”
He nodded in agreement and kissed the top of my head, “Goodnight, Bells”
I hadn’t expected him to actually go along with our deal earlier, but that’s what I liked the most about Charlie. He doesn’t hover.
While I unpacked my bag, I had this nagging feeling that the world was just too still. I turned on some soft music and folded my clothes before putting them in my dresser. They just wouldn’t sit right. I unfolded and folded each item of clothing before putting them away over and over. I had never been one to care much about that sort of thing, but the fuzzy feeling in the back of my brain was taking over and making it hard to think.
It wasn’t too long before I felt ready to sleep. Charlie’s house was always more comforting to me than any other place. Maybe it was the rainy weather? The smell of the house rather than the stiff smell of the old apartment? At that thought, tiredness washed over me and I fell asleep comfortably.
—
In the morning, I fought with myself while standing at the entrance to my closet. Everything I owned didn’t feel like it fit who I was anymore. I used to love light and soft fabric, but I started to feel much too exposed in them. I found myself gravitating more towards tough, sturdy materials in the recent months. As if the fabric itself is what held me to the earth instead of my body. I settled on a thick pair of jeans and one of Charlie’s old high school sweatshirts. It was comfortable, but had a gritty texture to it that could only be accomplished through almost thirty years of washing.
I ate my cereal quickly and ignored the way it felt like sandpaper as I swallowed it. Charlie was just finishing his coffee and I was content to sit in the silence with him.
“Would you be willing to take me clothes shopping later today? Nothing super crazy. Just the thrift” Charlie eyed me curiously. Probably another one of those red flags he was talking about. “Don’t look at me like that, It’s colder here, and all of my clothes are built for my life in Phoenix. I figured a few clothing items to layer with would help”
He seemed to consider my thoughts for a second. “Okay, but if you start asking to dye your hair, I’ll have to get you professional help”
“Don’t worry, I’ll wait a few months and then cut bangs instead” His crow’s feet were more defined as he tried to hold back his laughter. I thought the laughter we shared that morning helped put him at ease. I know it did that for me.
When we pulled up to the front of the school, I saw the students looking over as they spoke to one another. “You’ll do great, kid. I’ve known most of these kids since they were babies, and they wouldn’t hurt a fly” I flinched a little at that but nodded in agreement. “Have a good day, kiddo”.
Hopping out of the car, I made my way slowly into thew school. A few students tried to intercept me, but I think it was something in my demeanor that had them second guessing the intrusion.
When I received my schedule from Mrs. Cope, I found that the classes I had were all wrong. My brows furrowed as I saw that none of the advanced classes I signed up for were on it.
“What’s wrong, love?” Her smile was nervous.
“I don’t see any of the classes I applied for” I never liked having issues.
“Let me take a look at your course application” She rolled over to the filing cabinet and thumbed through a few files until she happened upon what I assumed was my name. “Oh, you’re right! I see right here that you are to be joining our AP history and AP biology courses as well as advanced English, is that correct?” I nodded in agreement, “Oh, Pam, you did it again” She murmured softly to herself, “Okay, if you don’t mind, go ahead and attend the classes we have you scheduled for. Stop in tomorrow, and we can hand you an updated schedule” She smiled at me expectantly, and I nodded in agreement.
“Thank you and sorry for the trouble” I mumbled as I turned to leave. She murmured something about how it was no problem as I made my way out of the office and towards my first class.
English had always been my favorite subject. I loved reading the classics and analyzing them in new lenses and contexts for as long as my classes required it. I surrounded myself with advanced classes when I was in Phoenix, so it was strange to be in a class full of students that actively loathed anything to do with English. They were currently learning about Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. They started it just before Halloween, and I could tell they were all really interested in it for the holidays, but the enthusiasm had completely died out.
I already read Frankenstein when I was in my freshman year. It inspired me to start getting into the romantics. I loved Mary and Percy Shelly. For months I breathed Byronic literature.
“I don’t understand why the doctor doesn’t just make another creation to be Frankenstein’s friend” a voice louder than any other student boomed.
“Once again, Mike, Frankenstein IS the doctor, you’re thinking about his monster. And class, why don’t we work this through. Can anyone answer Mike’s question?”
Silence fell over the class. Clearly nobody had done the reading for class as they all started whispering to each other to see who did the reading.
“He had to think about what that would mean. To unleash another monster onto the world would be a most horrible act” A musical voice said from the back of the class. I turned my head to him to see bronze hair that topped a too-perfect figure with alabaster skin.
“Thank you, Edward. That also brings up another question we get to ask of this text. Is Frankenstein’s refusal to make another monster justified?”
“Yes”, Edward immediately answered. “He already found what happens when you open pandora’s box. His monster is terrifying to the people around it, and poses a serious physical threat with its strength”
“But what about the monster? He didn’t ask to be made. His life is valuable, and he deserves to be happy as well” A girl with glasses in the back of the class argued.
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “The monster didn’t ask to be born, and his life of isolation will be hard, but just because he won’t consciously do harm doesn’t mean he can’t accidentally harm the people around him. Others like him shouldn’t exist. It’s too dangerous”
“But he doesn’t harm anyone. Frankenstein is being selfish and continuing to play God. He decided that the monster should exist, and now he’s deciding for the monster that he will be alone. That hardly seems fair” I spoke up for the first time, and all heads shifted towards me. “If they create another monster and it ends up being violent, then the monster still has a purpose. If not to love his wife, then to follow her to the end of the world. But either way, neither would be alone. Don’t you think that’s worth it?”
He and I survey each other. “There’s no reason to take that chance. To condemn another living being to a half life would be cruel to everyone involved”
All I could think about was how weird of a hill it was to die on. He seemed to be getting genuinely upset. I knew that my participation insinuated I had skin in the game, and maybe that morning I did. Having just moved and lost all of my roots, I hadn’t realized just how lonely I was over the last 48 hours. I couldn’t imagine denying someone basic human connection.
The class moved on after Mike made a comment about a monster army taking over the world. Edward seemed to shift uncomfortably in his seat as the class continued to debate Frankenstein’s choice.
When the bell rang, I saw Edward jump up as if he’d been burned. Yet again I hadn’t know what to make of him. Honestly, I found him foolish and a bit too conservative to consider befriending him.
Jessica, who introduced herself to me in my next class, seemed happy to swoon after him, though. “I heard that you two got into it in class this morning! That’s weird. He usually doesn’t even look at other women. Not that I care or anything, it’s totally fine. Just a little weird he replied to you of all people”
I humored her a little bit. I didn’t say anything on my feelings towards the interaction. I knew that if I have any indication of my annoyance it would have been on the first page of the school newspaper. It was, however, nice to hear what I was getting into. It sounded like the Cullens were a crew that nobody knew how to place.
They seemed… different. Nobody in the student body seemed to understand them. While every student wanted to date the Cullens, they also were too anxious to ever talk to them. The way Jessica spoke, it sounded like a fear that she hadn’t realized she felt. It was strange to see. She was so obsessed with them that she couldn’t see how scared she was. And anyone who incites fear in high school was ridiculous to me.
The day carried on like that. I heard whispers about the Cullens. What was Rosalie wearing today? How did Emmett do in gym? It was painting an interesting picture about peaking in high school and I couldn’t help but laugh. I’d seen star athletes and popular kids in school. Being from Phoenix, with a graduating class of three hundred students, I was no stranger to the weird ways in which high school students put some on pedestals.
It was necessary for a healthy high school ecosystem. You had the students that were popular for no reason, and the students that couldn’t help but talk about why they don’t think the other students should be popular. It seemed as though these particular popular kids didn’t take delight in bullying others, so it remained a cycle of both hatred and admiration.
I didn’t have the energy to care for those things. I think that’s why I was always alone in Phoenix. I was my father’s daughter, and when you’re the chief you don’t get pulled into a lot of interpersonal drama. I brought that air with me when I returned to Phoenix every school year, and it seemed like a hard habit to break.
By the time lunch came around, I was delighted to find that there were tables with fewer seats. I sat down with my book, CD player, and water. I wasn’t very hungry. I mostly wanted to get situated before I was forced to find people to sit with.
“Isabella!” Mike, the monster guy, called me from another table. I waved and made a show of putting my headphones in while opening my book. Hoping that he’d take the hint.
Unfortunately he seemed to take it as an invitation and sat in the seat across from me. I was happy to pretend I hadn’t seen him, but he pulled out one of my headphones and I was forced to look up at him. “Wow, you’re really into that book, there” He tilted his head to the side to read the title on the spine. “The Cenci? What’s that about?” I stiffened. I didn’t want to talk about what I was reading.
“It’s by Percy Shelly. Mary Shelly’s husband. It’s a play” I knew he didn’t care, so I watched as the fake recognition crossed his eyes. “I’m at a really great part. Was hoping to finish it today”
“Cool. Cool” He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his chair. I continued to read while he tried to talk to me about his friend group. They all seemed great, but I couldn’t imagine many things I’d rather do less than hear about his on-again-off-again relationship with Jessica and why he’s “so over it”.
The cafeteria got quiet as the doors opened again to reveal a group of incredibly pale people that I immediately knew were the Cullens. Of course they had to walk into the cafeteria late. “Do they always show up fashionably late?” I chuckled to myself. I imagined them waiting in the hallway and counting the minutes to open the door and make their way in. As I pictured the scenarios for why they’d be late to dramatically walk through the cafeteria like it was a runway I couldn’t help but keep chuckling. Two of the Cullens shot looks my way with brows raised. The brooding one, who I assumed was Emmett, and the boy I had argued with in class earlier that day.
I saw them mumble something to each other as they sat down. They also refused to get a lunch for the day and I despised the thought that I could be considered as pretentious as them by not having one. I didn’t get a lunch because I wasn’t hungry, it seemed like they didn’t get a lunch because they couldn’t possibly be compared to the mere humans around them. That thought also made me laugh to myself as my focus recentered on my book.
I stayed in my seat the rest of lunch. I really did mean it when I told Mike I just wanted to finish up my play. Although the play was dark, I found myself wanting to know what happened to Beatrice and her brothers. My obsession with the romantics was renewed as I moved to Forks. Something about the gloomy weather brought it out of me, and I was happy to find new works and revisit old ones. While Mike kept droning on about the next week of classes, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still being watched.