Work Text:
"Yumeno. Stay close, okay?"
"Mm…" They skipped to catch up, grabbing Chuuya's sleeve.
There was so much in the store to look at. It'd been a while since they'd been allowed in public. Chuuya tried, but they weren't very good at it. Meltdowns, freakouts, just generally being off-putting. Chuuya had been working with them for months to make this doable.
Chuuya stopped at the kid's section. There were two sides.
"Where do you wanna look, Kyuu?"
Boys. Or girls.
They looked between them. "I have to pick…?"
"…No, not really. We can look in both sides. That's okay."
"Both…" They nodded.
Not straying from Chuuya's side for a second, they looked through the dozens of aisles. Chuuya showed them how to find their size. A lot of the clothes were rather ugly, but they found a couple cute things.
They flinched back into Chuuya when a man wandered past, small hands grabbing for him. Chuuya gently lifted them up.
"You're fine. I'm not letting anyone take you."
Yumeno buried their face in Chuuya's leather collar, breathing in the scent of the jacket. Safe.
"I'm okay…"
"Alright." Chuuya let them back down. "I'm right behind you, okay? You're fine."
"Mm…"
After Yumeno had picked out a decent amount of new clothes, they followed Chuuya towards the counter, eyes down. Chuuya had brought them on a quiet day, at least.
A woman stopped in front of them, crouching down slightly to peer at Yumeno. Yumeno tried to hide behind Chuuya's legs. Go away, bitch. Then, remembering Chuuya's gentle scoldings, they corrected themself. Please go away.
She smiled, too wide, teeth too white. "What a darling little girl you have!"
Yumeno felt a flush of rage, one they hadn't felt since being in that stupid basement, hooked up to the roots. That feeling scared them more than the lady.
"I'm not a girl!" they yelled.
She looked startled. She glanced at Chuuya, who was watching Yumeno carefully, focused on them.
Everything hurt. Too much. Too much.
"You're stupid! Go away, go away!" They were screaming, now. It hurt.
Chuuya stared at them. He knew a meltdown wasn't unlikely, given how this was their first big outing in a good few years, but they'd seemed fine before. Like they'd snapped, just like that.
"Kyuu-"
"Fuck off!!"
There was the Mafia raising.
Mid-meltdown wasn't the time for lessons. He could talk to them about their language when they weren't so upset.
"Kyuu, you're safe." Chuuya crouched in front of them. The lady was still standing there, maybe waiting for some sort of apology. Chuuya wasn't apologising for his kid's trauma. Yumeno had as much a right as anyone to be in public. "We're fine. I'm right here."
"She's stupid!" they screamed.
"I know. She got it wrong. She didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sure."
Yumeno let out a strangled cry, no real words anymore. It looked painful.
"You're safe, Yumeno. No one is hurting you." Just stay calm. If they see him panic, they'll only get more scared. "I'm here. We can go home now, okay? Have lunch. Maybe watch a movie."
"I'm awfully sorry," the lady said. "I didn't mean to upset you. You looked too pretty to be a boy."
Chuuya closed his eyes. In what world would that help?
Before Yumeno could freak out about that, too, Chuuya scooped them up, holding them under one arm and going to the counter. They kicked, clawed, screeched, and he calmly paid. The teenage worker looked a bit concerned, but gave him his receipt and let him go.
He carried them outside and put them down, making sure they didn't bolt. They were crying, loud, hugging themself and rocking and trying anything to feel better.
"Kyuu. I'm here, and it's just us. What do you need?"
They staggered towards him, sobbing hard enough to shake their small form. Chuuya hugged them tightly.
"We're okay."
"I don't understand…!"
"Mm…?"
"Why… I'm not a girl, and I'm not a boy…" They buried their face in his shoulder. "Why's that so weird…"
"It's not weird. There's just not a lot of people like that around, so some people don't understand. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."
"There is something wrong with me…" they whispered.
Chuuya couldn't really deny that. Yumeno was old enough, they knew they weren't normal. Lying would only hurt them.
"…Well, I'm hardly normal, either, right? It's okay to be… Wrong. You still deserve to live a good life."
"…Why doesn't it feel like it…?"
Chuuya rubbed their back. "You haven't been allowed to be live well for a long time. It'll take some getting used to. I promise, it'll get easier."
"Okay…"
Chuuya got them home and cleaned up. He didn't let them curl up in the couch and rot in their feelings.
"C'mon."
"Don't wanna…" they whined, letting him pull them by the hand.
"You can sleep after, okay?"
"Are you gonna yell at me…"
Chuuya slowed down. "…Have I ever yelled at you, kid? Since I brought you home?"
They shook their head.
"That's right. I'm sorry for the times before the- before you left the PM. I was messed up and… You weren't great either. But we're both working on getting better. I'm never going to yell at you for getting scared, okay?"
"But… I was bad…"
"You got scared. That lady - she didn't mean to, she didn't know - she triggered something for you. Which is okay." Chuuya rubbed their back. "I'm not mad, at all. I was going to talk to you about swearing, but you're so good, most of the time. I think you only said all that to protect yourself, yeah…?"
"Mm…" They sniffed. "I wanted her to go away…"
"Yeah. Yelling and swearing is okay as defense. Better if you're actually in danger, but we'll work on that."
"…Wasn't in danger?"
"Nope. She was just a civilian. And besides, I was right there beside you. You were very safe."
They nodded slightly, leaning into his side. He rested a hand on their hair.
It wasn't their fault. After the Mafia, and the incident with them and the Guild, their brain was in constant fight or flight. They were always on the lookout for danger, even when it wasn't there.
They'd get there. Chuuya would make sure of it.
"Let's do something fun, yeah?"
Yumeno went through the bag of new clothes, sitting in their singlet and shorts in the bedroom. Chuuya would help with buttons, if they needed it, but they could dress themself.
They stood up, pushing back the makeshift curtain over the mirror - they hated seeing their reflection 24/7 - and looked at the clothes on themself.
Their first thought was, 'pretty'.
Their second was, 'do I look too much like a girl'.
Tears burned their eyes and they pulled the curtain back down. "Chuuya…"
"Coming in." He poked his head in, then came to sit by Yumeno. "What's wrong now?"
"Do I look like a girl…" they asked, hating how their voice sounded.
"Kyuu…" He shook his head. "Do you like the clothes?"
"Yeah…"
"That's all that matters. Okay? Don't worry about people thinking you're a boy or a girl. They're insignificant. They don't matter. The people who matter will know you, and they'll know you're not either."
"…That's just you…"
"Yeah. Right now it's just you and me. But you'll make friends. You're getting better at going out, and you… Seem like you're happier, most days, to me. I think you're going to be okay."
Yumeno blinked up at him. "Really…?"
"Yeah. I promise."
He'd managed to say the right words, this time. Yumeno was happy to go through all their clothes, trying stuff on, occasionally throwing a piece at Chuuya because it didn't fit right or it felt weird.
Chuuya sat on the bed, closing his eyes when told to, looking when Yumeno gave permission. He watched them slowly brighten, starting to jump and spin around. He was glad they were having fun. Staying locked inside was hardly better than their prison in the PM.
Still, Chuuya wished he could do more for them. He did his best, but he understood less than Yumeno did about their gender. If he could find someone safe they could talk to…
He grabbed his phone.
Yumeno stared at Gin in the doorway, not coming out from their room. Gin looked rather awkward, too.
"Come in," Chuuya said. "Neither of you bite. Kyuu, this is Gin, Akutagawa's sibling. You might've met her a couple times."
"Don't remember…"
"That's okay." He offered them a smile. He wasn't going to force them out. "She's going to stay for coffee. You can come join us if you want."
"Why…"
"Why, what?"
Yumeno shifted their weight, hiding behind the door. "Why is she here? I don't like visitors…"
"I know." Chuuya stood outside the door. Gin was on the couch. "She's a bit like you. You didn't understand why you aren't a boy, or a girl. Gin is a bit different - sometimes she's a girl, sometimes she's a boy."
"She's both…?"
"Yeah." He leaned on the doorway. "However she feels on the day. Today, she's a girl."
"Why?"
Chuuya shrugged. "That's how she is."
Yumeno squinted at her. "Akutagawa's mean…"
Akutagawa's in pain. "Gin isn't. And she's not working right now. She's nice, I promise."
Yumeno wrinkled their nose up. "I guess… I could maybe go out… for a little…"
"You can leave whenever you want. It's fine."
Yumeno nodded, stepping out.
Yumeno stuck close to Chuuya, only moving to snatch cookies off the coffee table. Chuuya made light conversation with Gin, who was quiet as ever. Slowly she warmed up.
Eventually he got to today, and explained what had happened. Yumeno looked a little pissed at being talked about, but their mouth was full of cookie, so they couldn't complain.
Gin nodded along, folded neatly on the couch like an elegant origami piece, like she didn't want to take up space. She didn't have presence, like Akutagawa tried to maintain. She was a force when she wanted to be, but right now, in civilians clothes, she was just a young girl.
Chuuya wanted to get across that it wasn't Yumeno's fault. The meltdown, the screaming. Yes, the lady didn't know and held no blame, but Yumeno never learnt how to handle their emotions any way other than inflicting pain - whether that was to others, or themselves.
Yumeno would get upset, though, and Chuuya wanted them to talk to Gin if possible, not view her as another adult trying to 'fix' them.
Chuuya stood up. Yumeno stared - don't leave me here. Chuuya patted their head.
"You're fine. I'm gonna get started on dinner. You two stay out here."
"No!" Yumeno cried, confused, scared.
Chuuya crouched down in front of them, making eye contact. They trusted him, but they were so quick to panic.
"You're okay, Kyuu. I'm not going anywhere. Just the kitchen. Gin won't do anything."
"Yumeno," Gin said softly. "I brought you something. Would you like to see?"
Yumeno stared, then glanced back at Chuuya. Chuuya nodded.
"She's perfectly safe, Kyuu. I wouldn't let anyone in the house that would hurt you. I won't go far, okay?"
Yumeno hesitated still, but Chuuya could see they wanted whatever Gin had brought. He patted their shoulder.
"You're okay, kid."
Yumeno slowly scooted over on the couch, watching Gin. She had long dark hair, and was wearing a pretty white dress. She looked nice, but too much like Akutagawa for Yumeno's liking. Dark, harsh colouring.
She dug through her handbag, and showed them a scrap of coloured fabric.
"Do you know what this is?"
Yumeno shook their head, reaching for it. She let them take it.
"It's the non-binary flag. It sounds like that's what you are - non-binary. From what I've heard from Chuuya, anyway. You may feel like you're something else."
"What does it mean?" they asked, turning the miniature flag over in their hands.
"It's a term for people who aren't a boy or a girl, or maybe somewhere in the middle, or something else entirely. Having a word for it can sometimes help you understand it a bit better."
"…There's more people like me?"
She nodded. "Yes. A lot. Not as many, but it's not so strange."
Yumeno nodded slightly, staring at the flag. They'd always felt like the only one like them. Everyone had been trying to fit them in one box or the other, as long as they could remember. It used to be fun to mess with people. It wasn't, anymore.
"It's not weird," she continued, voice gentle. "But some people don't understand it. People will make mistakes. They won't always know better."
Yumeno shuffled in the seat. "I don't know why I got so mad… I don't care what some old lady thinks…"
She nodded. "It's okay to be upset. And you can correct people when they make a mistake."
"Politely…"
"Yeah." She smiled. "Chuuya will help you any way he can. I can tell he really cares about you. And if you have questions he can't answer, I'll talk to you anytime, okay?"
Yumeno nodded slightly. "Okay…"
Gin stayed for dinner. Yumeno had enough of talking. They eyed the pizza she had - the pizza that they could've eaten tomorrow, as leftovers. They huffed.
Afterwards, they watched from the couch as Chuuya said goodbye to Gin. He talked for a while, voice low, and hugged her. Yumeno found themself chewing up their nails. They'd stressed him out, hadn't they?
They bit their tongue, hard, and ran off to their room. Chuuya had taken off the lock after the first few nights, because Yumeno kept finding sharp things to snag their healing wounds on. Instead, they dragged the desk chair over. Chuuya wouldn't force his way in unless he thought Yumeno was hurting themself, but they wanted some semblance of a locked room-
Locked room. They stared at the door, starting to itch. Even their safety measures felt like torture.
They wanted to be outside. Outside was scary. They wanted to be in a quiet room, where no one bad could get in. They couldn't be locked up again.
They kicked at the chair, eyes closed. Even they weren't sure if they were trying to get out, or just hurt themself. A broken sob escaped their throat.
"Chuuya!"
Chuuya leaned into the doorframe. "I can't open the door, kid."
That was met with a miserable wail.
"You're fine, you're not stuck. Did you put something in front of the door?"
"Yeah…"
"Can you move it? You're not in trouble."
Dragging, scraping noise. Chuuya tried the door again, and it opened. He pushed inside, gently sitting Yumeno on their bed. Their shins were already bruising.
He didn't talk, knowing whatever he'd say would come out wrong. What did you do. Why would you do this. They probably didn't know, themself. Chuuya hugged them.
"Are you okay…?"
They whined, throwing their arms around his neck and sobbing. Chuuya rocked them gently.
"You had a big day, Kyuu. You did really well."
"No, I didn't…" they mumbled.
"Yes, you did. There was only one issue with shopping, and you did really well handling that, okay? A few months ago, you wouldn't have even let me help you. And you talked to Gin - that's really good, too." He smiled, petting their hair. "I think you're exhausted. You're not really sure what to do with anything you're feeling."
Yumeno sniffed. "That's all…?"
"Yeah. I think we watch a movie, and then we both go to bed. How does that sound?"
"Okay…" They rested their head on his chest.
Yumeno passed out maybe twenty minutes in, curled up on Chuuya's lap. Chuuya was close, himself. He turned off the movie and carried Yumeno to bed, tucking them in carefully.
He made his way to his own room, dragging his hands through his hair. He was exhausted, too. He did think Yumeno did really well with what they could. He'd expected a lot worse, honestly. They'd be okay.
He couldn't be fucked showering. He barely stood for long enough to change, and then stretched out in bed.
When he woke up, early in the morning, Yumeno had come in and snuck under the blankets with him, curled up small. Chuuya breathed out, petting their head.
"You did good, kid…"