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TG: You will never guss what just fcuking happened
TT: you wanna bet money on that?
TT: you just got a high-velocity package from the stork.
TT: force equals baby times acceleration.
TT: how big is the crater?
TG: Omfg
TG: Are you
TG: A WIZARD???
TT: nah.
TT: got a bundle of joy of my own the other day.
TT: man, i really liked that record shop too.
TG: Are you still on that shit
TG: The whole manboychild Neverland thing
TG: Sup sup call me Bro the names Bro Im 25 and I got two drgees but I still sleep on a futon
TT: harsh.
TT: look, call me crazy but when you get a message from an old friend out of nowhere all like 'dude something weird happened to me', maybe there's more than a coincidence at work here.
TT: i'm pretty sure you didn't just message me out of nowhere to poke fun at my hobbies and hopes and dreams.
TT: who am i kidding.
TT: of course that's why you messaged me.
TG: U think its Crocker dont you
TT: what? the baby thing?
TT: i'm not one to speculate.
TG: Bullshit
TG: It kinna reminds me of like...
TG: Ok so
TG: U know hwo when they send new supplies to tje lab
TT: the mail drops, yeah.
TT: i remember.
TG: Ok srs business aside
TG: Can we just reminiscicene for a min
TT: is reminiscing about the 'good old days' that weren't actually all that good still your pinot grigio ritual?
TT: i gotta admit i don't really understand this culture of living in the past.
TT: girl, i look to the future.
TT: my ten year plan is something fierce.
TT: i speak the language of revenue so don't talk to me unless you're fluent in cold hard cash exchanged between closet perverts desperate for a velvety fix that yields to the touch and conforms to the body.
TG: Oh my GOD
TG: Could u pleeze shut up for just a min
TG: And let me imagine u naked and nowhere near a fucking smuppet
TT: afraid i can't do that.
TT: you know it's for the best. i mean yes it was satisfactory at the time, but there's no fruit to bear down that road, know what i mean?
TT: what i'm saying is,
TT: leave it in the past where it belongs.
TT: i think that was my entire point this whole time, actually. go me.
TT: hey, speaking of bearing fruits.
TT: weren't you about to say something about a baby?
TG: RIGHT
TG: Yeah
TG: The meteorbaby
TG: Shes cute as fuuuuuuck
TG: But like
TG: Idk man I dont keep dairy around
TG: Can I feed her Cheetos???
TT: hmm.
TT: maybe if you soak the cheetos in milk.
TT: i'm pretty sure babies like mushy things.
TG: Oatmeal?
TT: no like.
TT: fuck, i don't know.
TT: guacamole. tartar sauce.
TG: Sweetie those are condomints
TG: Condom mints
TG: Sweet turndown service right there
TG: I would patronize the FUCK outta that hotel
TG: Condiments*
TG: What about mashed potatoes?
TG: Mashed pumpkins
TG: I feel like mashed things are good
TT: wait, i got it.
TT: i solved the fucking mystery.
TT: applesauce. bam.
TG: U know
TG: Things liek this were always easier when
TG: We put our HEADS together
TG: You should come back
TT: what, you mean work at skaia?
TT: fuck no.
TG: Its not like I dont find the whole puppet thing charming or that its a total turnoff or anything that you arent using your engineering degree
TT: speak for yourself. for all this talk of days gone by, you seem to have forgotten that i was a double major.
TT: and i'll have you know that ancas afelpadas brings in almost as much revenue as the main site already.
TT: that shit's catching up. i bet in five years i'll be making twice as much from the spanish-language mirror than the main site.
TT: i don't mean to brag but you're talking to a mogul, girl.
TG: Hang on while I retrievev my panties from the wall
TG: Damn panties howd u get there
TG: Dont fly off like that w/out writing a note or something
TG: Gracias por favor
TG: Ok joking about ur buttocks aside
TG: Because in all honesty I dont think I could bang a dude who earns his living peddling squishy ass
TG: No offense
TT: none taken.
TG: Right
TG: What I mean is
TG: I dunno
TG: We were good in other ways
TT: yeah.
TT: yeah, i can't argue with that.
TG: Also Crocker doesnt pay me nearly enough on a postdoc salary to raise some meteor sprog on my own
TG: Thats why I was thinkin
TG: If you came back
TG: I dunno
TG: Might be easier together
TG: Two heads and all that
TT: i see where you're coming from, but i can't leave this place.
TG: Becuz your futon has crusted to the floor?
TT: that, and because there's a loophole in the law here that actually makes my operation legal.
TT: which is hilarious when you consider the fact that it's still illegal for a woman to buy a vibrator in the great state of texas.
TT: but a guy like me can peddle all the "squishy ass" they want because it's actually a performance piece.
TG: Wait WHAT
TG: Thats illegal there
TG: What does Texas have against orgasms dude
TG: Thats terrible
TG: I feel so bad for all those women :(
TG: Those poor Texas ladies
TG: Woefully undergasmed
TT: i do what i can.
TG: Gross
TG: Wait I though you stopped dating the laideez
TT: stopped isn't what i'd call it.
TT: indefinite hiatus.
TT: anyway you misunderstand me.
TT: my customers are pretty split along gender lines, actually.
TT: you'd be surprised at how many ladies go for the plush rump that you so readily denigrate.
TG: That is
TG: SO WEIRD
TG: But ok
TG: Maybe Ill ask Crocker for a raise
TG: Got mouths to feed and shit
TT: hmm.
TT: tell you what.
TT: there's no clause in your contract that says you can't consult on the side, right?
TG: No......
TT: maybe i could hook you up.
TG: Do u really need my services at your inaminate porn empire???
TG: Like Im not here to judge (OBVIOUSLY) but what could I possibly help u with.
TT: voice acting.
TG: Oh my GOD
TG: Are you serious???
TT: i am so fucking serious right now.
TG: ...
TG: ......
TT: dot dot dot, yes, go ahead and finish it.
TG: .........
TG: I dont know if this is going to be hot or weird
TG: Probably more weird than hot
TG: Whatever man I got mouths to feed
TG: I dont want co-creator credit on any of this ok?
TT: deal. you're gonna have to buy a good microphone.
TG: Oh no what have I done.
TG: Baby Rose you better APPRECIATE what your mama is doing to keep ur ass in applesauce and diapers.
TG: Wait
TG: It was applesauce we agreed on right?
TT: yeah.
TT: you should start buying milk though.
TT: baby rose is gonna need calcium. you don't want her to have osteoporosis when she's sixty, do you?
TG: I dont think thats how it works but ok
TT: rose is a good name. i like it.
TG: Yeah
TG: Whats urs?
TT: dave.
TG: Omg
TG: Omfg Dave Strider thats so damn cute
TG: You have to send me videos or photos or something
TT: yeah, i can do that.
TG: I am picturing u with like
TG: Baby Dave on your back in one of those Mr Mom backpacks
TG: Scoping out the juice aisle
TG: Help
TG: Help I cuted myself out
TT: he's less cute when he's covered in shit from head to toe, but fortunately i got that one sorted out pretty quick.
TG: Ok I know we said not to do this but for real
TG: Can u imagine us
TG: Raisin babies together
TG: Raising* in retrospect droppin that g changes the meaning too much for comfort
TT: can you imagine what freaks of nature those kids would turn out to be with us as parents?
TT: at least as single parents their future therapists will have something to blame it on.
TT: "well obviously little rosie was lighting classmates on fire because she suffered from not having a strong father figure growing up."
TT: come on sweetheart, think about what's best for the children in this scenario.
TG: Yeah ok
TG: Rosie aint gonna be starting no sick fires though
TG: This gurl
TG: THIS BB
TG: I can see it already
TG: Shes probably bound for destructive tendencies but I dont think shes gonna be a pyro or anything
TG: Sigh
TG: Ok I should probably go buy some milk and Cheetos
TT: applesauce.
TG: Right
TG: Hey?
TT: yeah?
TG: I love you
TG: Not like THAT
TG: This isnt a Thing
TG: Im done with that I promise
TT: i know.
TG: ...
TG: ......
TT: oh for the love of christ.
TG: Dont Han me Bro
TG: Dont be like that
TT: fine.
TT: i love you too.
TG: <>
TG: Wait that was a typo
TG: Oh whatever
TG: Applesauce
TG: BYE