Chapter Text
Shauna Shipman hated Jackie Taylor.
At least, that’s the lie she told herself.
She hated the ease with which she carried herself, the confidence of her assumption in peoples’ good intentions, the way she took her status as loved for granted.
She hated the smooth, tan legs which were pressing insistently into the meat of Shauna’s thighs as they stretched across her lap, their incessant warmth spreading through the fabric of her worn pajama shorts all the way up to her flushed cheeks.
“You good, Shipman?”
Shauna jumped a little and turned to find hazel eyes boring into her own, foggy with fatigue and the bottle of vintage red wine Jackie had bravely smuggled out of her parents’ cellar.
“Yeah Jax, just tired.”
Shauna extended her hand and motioned towards the bottle, then drained what was left in a couple of swallows, wincing slightly at the bitterness. She had always preferred the sweet sting of Malibu or at least the comfort of a slightly less offensive beer.
Jackie held her gaze for a second longer, concern sparking for a brief moment before nodding and leaning closer to snuggle into Shauna’s side, head directed back towards the television. At every point of contact, even through two layers of clothing, she could feel soft heat bleeding into her own skin, forcing her heart to beat a little harder in her chest.
Their current situation was an apt analogy, Shauna thought, for the issues that plagued the very heart of the two girls’ relationship. Jackie, unaware and ignorant, caging Shauna in with her soft looks and blind trust that persisted despite the rage that had been building and concentrating inside Shauna for the good part of a decade.
Surely an outside observer would easily be able to see the cold ball of anger and shame that Shauna kept within her innards, burning and boiling and seeping out of her skin like sweat.
Not Jackie though, she remained blissfully untouched by any of her best friend’s inner turmoil.
Case in point: they were watching Beaches for the hundredth time because that was Jackie’s favorite movie; never mind the fact that Shauna herself had begun to hate it the moment they had switched it on for the first time.
She didn’t understand why the girl was so obsessed with it anyway - the only time Jackie ever glanced in the direction of the screen was when she was obstinately pretending that Shauna hadn’t just caught her staring intently at the side of her face, or down at the thin blanket which concealed the space in which their legs made contact.
Shauna didn’t know why her best friend seemed so fixated on these places in particular, but she did know that it made her feel uneasy; bare and exposed in a way that sparked defensiveness and a distinct desire to escape.
As if on cue, Jackie suddenly leapt up and away from the sofa, clapping her hands together and declaring it time for bed. The credits had been rolling, Shauna realized, for at least a few minutes, but the both of them had been too lost in thought to notice. She untangled herself from the blanket and slowly pulled herself up, swaying slightly as her head adjusted.
Jackie giggled and offered her hand, intertwining their fingers and tightening her grip as they crept up the stairs to Shauna’s room, holding back laughter to avoiding waking Shauna’s mom who had to leave for a shift early the next morning.
She took a deep breath and tried not to focus on the soft, dainty hand clinging to her own, to concentrate instead on keeping her own grip gentle lest she squeeze too hard and risk hurting Jackie with her own clumsy devotion.
Shauna was sprawled on her mattress now, suddenly too tired and too tipsy to do anything but watch as Jackie got ready for bed.
She could see the girl’s reflection in the vanity table mirror, warm light spilling over her profile and coating it in golden honey. As she brushed it, her hair tumbled over her collarbones and framed her slim neck, each tender line blurring together in Shauna’s foggy mind to create a picture that looked almost angelic in its beauty.
Jackie was practically glowing, and in the haze of the late evening Shauna forgot to hate her for a brief second. For once, she let herself admire without shame or bitterness, eyes greedily drinking in all the loveliness that she usually tried to ignore.
Jackie made eye contact with her in the mirror, the corners of her mouth tipping up into a smirk.
“See something you like?”, she quipped, tone light and tinged with victory.
Shauna blushed, averting her gaze and wiping the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand to remove the drool that she could feel drying there.
“Just come to bed. I’m tired and you’ve been brushing your hair for ten minutes.” she mumbled.
Jackie turned to face her, face softening into a genuine smile as she got up and came towards the bed.
“Maybe I wanted to make sure I look nice for you.”
Shauna only grunted, too exhausted to be embarrassed or try and figure out what exactly that meant. She glanced over as Jackie slid under the covers and got comfortable, moving her face close enough that Shauna could feel minty breath tickling her cheek on every exhale.
“Night, Shipman”
“Goodnight, Jackie.”
Shauna focused her gaze on a crack in the ceiling above the bed and finally let sleep take her, lulled by the rhythm of warm air soft on her skin.
She awoke to darkness, disoriented yet fully conscious as if her body had been reacting to a sudden noise. Shauna tensed, straining her ears as she attempted to figure out what had woken her up. There was only silence, deep and heavy with the weight of midnight.
Then - a sound. A whimper. It was muffled, but unmistakeable in the tense quiet. She tilted her head and saw Jackie lying on her stomach, face pressed into a pillow with her hair fanned out around her like a halo. The cover had been strewn off to reveal half of her torso, sleep shirt riding up and supple skin on display.
Shauna held her breath and tried not to look too closely at that part, deciding instead to focus on discovering the cause of the noise. After a few seconds, Jackie shifted and turned towards the center of the bed - this time there was no mistaking that the whimper came from the sleeping girl’s mouth, loud and clear with nothing to smother it.
To Shauna’s abject horror, it sounded almost moan-like.
Jackie’s mouth was half open, her eyes squeezed shut as her legs shifted beneath the covers. Shauna reached out a hand to wake her, worried that the sleeping girl was maybe having a nightmare, or at least a dream which she’d appreciate having in private.
But just as she was about to wake her:
“Shauna…”
The name came in the form of a groan, long and so drawn out that she could barely make the word out. Shauna froze, the low, rough tone of Jackie’s voice making goosebumps prickle on the back of her neck.
Fearful of disturbing the sheets, she inched closer to try and make out what was happening beneath Jackie’s eyelids as sweat beaded on her dewy brow.
The girl’s breathing picked up, coming in long, uneven pants as she squirmed against the mattress, seeking nonexistent relief from whatever was unfolding in her dream. Unconsciously, Shauna found her own thighs pressing together in an attempt to appease the aching heat that was emanating out from between them.
Jackie was obviously becoming frustrated, her eyebrows knitting together and each exhale getting nearer to a whine each time.
Another low groan escaped her lips, this time sounding awfully close to a ‘please’.
Shauna bit her lip so hard she could feel blood welling beneath the surface of her skin. Jackie looked so beautiful like this: wild and free and far from the composed exterior that she usually presented to the world. She looked like the best friend that Shauna used to love. A sickly wave of guilt washed over her at that thought, and she jolted unhappily out of her reverie.
“Jackie,” she whispered softly.
The girl didn’t stir, her cheeks growing rosy with exertion. Shauna tried again, saying her name with more force. No response. Urgent to avoid an extremely awkward situation for which Jackie would surely blame her, she reached out and gently poked at the expanse of warm flesh which had been uncovered during the night.
At her touch, the movement stopped immediately. Jackie froze, tensing up, and Shauna held her breath. After a stretch of brittle silence which felt far too long for comfort, the girl muttered something unintelligible and rolled over. A light snore filled the room, and Shauna finally exhaled.
She shifted to face the ceiling once more, heart racing and mind still reeling from the implications of what had just happened. Surely Jackie was just having a nightmare, or some kind of episode? The alternative seemed insane, impossible. And yet - she had undeniably heard her own name, uttered into the dark.
There was a deep tug in her gut as Shauna recalled the way the word had sounded, raw and quiet and somehow desperate. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, chasing the sweet release of sleep even as images of flushed skin and furrowed brows burned themselves onto the backs of her eyelids.